2020+1-6+9 NonGender Specific Parent Chat: Old thread's working fine, why replace it?

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Internet VFW > 2020+1-6+9 NonGender Specific Parent Chat: Old thread's working fine, why replace it?

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EBB: Feb 15, 2005

holocaust bloopers posted:

How long are you in town for? Bad weekend for me with midterms next week.

Around for a week-ish like normal. I'm back frequently, I'll catch you next time.

# ? Feb 8, 2019 17:42

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# ? May 13, 2024 11:49

bloops: Dec 31, 2010; Thanks Ape Pussy!

EBB posted:

Around for a week-ish like normal. I'm back frequently, I'll catch you next time.

Cool. Let me know a time in March/April then

# ? Feb 8, 2019 17:46

bloops: Dec 31, 2010; Thanks Ape Pussy!

Handsome Ralph posted:

Crossposting but IDGAF cause I'm stressing real bad right now,

So talking to my buddy who's home based, apparently when they started the WebEx yesterday, they accidentally started with the slide that said "discussing packages with your director".

This was before anyone knew what the call was about.

Also the higher ups seem to think this is not going to impact productivity or quality at all from conversations they've had with managers. 40 people are impacted by the no more home based policy as of right now, only two or three are making plans to come to the office (since they are still semi local).

Good job, idiots!

They also lied about relocation packages, told managers it's be 25k for gold star employees. When the final amount was offered, it was 15. Four thousand more than the severance package to move back to DC. They also said that you'd be fine to keep your insurance until you left, now they changed their minds and have said only if you can't get on a spouses plan. How are they so bad at this?

My office is like a powder keg right now and there's a town hall this afternoon about this. My director, who's a good guy and I'm almost positive had no idea this was coming until a couple of days ago, looks absolutely miserable. Apparently on all the calls he did with HR yesterday, he looked dead inside. He's normally a very happy guy.

Set up a webex for us to watch the town hall. I�ll block time off in my Outlook.

# ? Feb 8, 2019 17:49

colachute: Mar 15, 2015

Soulex posted:

We need to increase profits. Quick! Fire some people!

There�s a firm belief (and not without merit) that labor is the most easily controllable dollar value. It�s the lazy person�s way to easily increase margins.

# ? Feb 8, 2019 17:54

Handsome Ralph: Sep 3, 2004; Oh boy, posting!
That's where I'm a Viking!

Vasudus posted:

there's probably something out there if you want a referral

Shoot me a PM of where I should look.

holocaust bloopers posted:

Set up a webex for us to watch the town hall. I�ll block time off in my Outlook.

If I had webex on my phone, I totally would.

# ? Feb 8, 2019 18:22

Slim Pickens: Jan 12, 2007; Grimey Drawer

Vasudus posted:

there's probably something out there if you want a referral

"I've known Handsome Ralph for six years as a professional shitposter on something awful. His shitposts are second to none and emptyquote edits are perfectly constructed. I would highly recommend Ralph as a worthwhile addition to your team"

# ? Feb 8, 2019 18:39

Crab Dad: Dec 28, 2002; behold i have tempered and refined thee, but not as silver; as CRAB

Slim Pickens posted:

"I've known Handsome Ralph for six years as a professional shitposter on something awful. His shitposts are second to none and emptyquote edits are perfectly constructed. I would highly recommend Ralph as a worthwhile addition to your team"

Hired.

How soon can you crap up our Sharepoint?

# ? Feb 8, 2019 19:18

Vasudus: May 30, 2003

tired: getting my hand slapped yesterday for being too protective of my staff and not being a team player
wired: getting invited to an up-and-coming leaders lunch with two VPs at an insanely expensive restaurant

i don't like white collar work

# ? Feb 8, 2019 19:37

Soulex: Apr 1, 2009; Cacati in mano e pigliati a schiaffi!

colachute posted:

There’s a firm belief (and not without merit) that labor is the most easily controllable dollar value. It’s the lazy person’s way to easily increase margins.

Oh yeah. It has completely taken over in the media world. Journalists are expected to know many facets of their job and be proficient at all of them with zero extra time to perform duties.

poo poo, I caused it already. Forced out a photographer who had been doing sports for 20 years at my school all because I intern

# ? Feb 8, 2019 19:38

CRUSTY MINGE: Mar 30, 2011; Peggy Hill
Foot Connoisseur

Tired: harvesting 4 foot tall weed plants.

Wired: harvesting 8 foot tall weed plants.

# ? Feb 8, 2019 20:02

psydude: Apr 1, 2008

Slim Pickens posted:

"I've known Handsome Ralph for six years as a professional shitposter on something awful. His shitposts are second to none and emptyquote edits are perfectly constructed. I would highly recommend Ralph as a worthwhile addition to your team"

o Forums Poster exceeded the standard for poo poo posting in the CE thread

o Forums Poster exemplifies the Goons in Platoons values of giving no fucks and gently caress you if you're still in

1/1 Promote Below the Zone.

# ? Feb 8, 2019 20:21

Vasudus: May 30, 2003

Today's "what the gently caress why not" beer is Hardywood Raspberry Stout. The best thing it's got going for it is being 9.2ABV.

I don't know what I expected.

# ? Feb 8, 2019 23:49

Woof Blitzer: Dec 29, 2012; [-]

�Just shove a bunch of fruit and hops into it or whatever, I don�t give a gently caress�

# ? Feb 8, 2019 23:54

Handsome Ralph: Sep 3, 2004; Oh boy, posting!
That's where I'm a Viking!

So that meeting...

Holy gently caress. Basically boils down to the vp thinking his gut telling him telework is bad and that he should just end it. Product managers came to the meeting, and they are loving beying for blood. One director said she wished she video taped it so she could show it to the the guy above him and general counsel at how loving inept his rollout is...

Good thing I recorded it. Passing it to a co-worker so she can transcribe it. Come at me motherfucker.

# ? Feb 9, 2019 00:02

Flying_Crab: Apr 12, 2002

Vasudus posted:

Today's "what the gently caress why not" beer is Hardywood Raspberry Stout. The best thing it's got going for it is being 9.2ABV.

I don't know what I expected.

It's really cold today, a nice BA Russian Imperial Stout clocking in somewhere between 10-15% would be great right now.

# ? Feb 9, 2019 00:08

Naked Bear: Apr 15, 2007; Boners was recorded before a studio audience that was alive!

Handsome Ralph posted:

So that meeting...

Holy gently caress. Basically boils down to the vp thinking his gut telling him telework is bad and that he should just end it. Product managers came to the meeting, and they are loving beying for blood. One director said she wished she video taped it so she could show it to the the guy above him and general counsel at how loving inept his rollout is...

Good thing I recorded it. Passing it to a co-worker so she can transcribe it. Come at me motherfucker.

Did anyone tell the VP straight-up that he's a loving idiot, or words to that effect? That's what he needs to hear right about... yesterday.

# ? Feb 9, 2019 00:38

Handsome Ralph: Sep 3, 2004; Oh boy, posting!
That's where I'm a Viking!

Naked Bear posted:

Did anyone tell the VP straight-up that he's a loving idiot, or words to that effect? That's what he needs to hear right about... yesterday.

Yes. Several times. "Respectfully"

I yelled at him at one point "You say you value our feedback, but it's hard to believe that when you're soliciting it after the fact".

Here's a crosspost,

Handsome Ralph posted:

So, the town hall meeting announcement was sent out by email at 9 this morning. I think they figured that people wouldn't bother to come in if they only had four hours notice. Wrong.

Office looked like it usually does on Monday's (most people work from home). Immediately, everyone was basically on edge and pissed off. Little work gets done obviously, so good job mr. VP!

Anyhow, I talked to my manager a bunch and we went for a walk where we both basically agreed that unless they backtrack this, we're going to have to look elsewhere and that this is loving everything over.

Someone in GIP joked that I should webex the shitshow. I laughed but then realized, why not just record the thing? Maybe it'll be funny. I'm confident doing so might lead to some poo poo going down. Meeting started at 1:30, was scheduled for only an hour. It went till 4.

Key points,

-VP starts to say he wants to implement this policy because he wants people in the office to help prevent siloing of work and to have "serendipitous" moments happen between workers to lead towards better projects and outcomes. Weird, since we all do abstracting and editorial work. Not the kind of work that you can really "share" and group tackle.

-He then says this new policy will be more fair and straight forward. And that he made this decision because in his gut, he knows that this is the way forward for our long term goals and plans.

-Floor opens up to ~~blood~~ questions, and immediately people start asking him if he has any realization what kind of impact this will have beyond home based employees (IE, people like me who work in office 2 days a week). It's clear he thought that working from home is just a small perk and people will be able to easily adjust.

-At one point, a co-worker who I think is a contractor, and clearly didn't give a gently caress, asked him what he meant by serendipitous, because English wasn't his first language. The exchange,

"So what do you mean by this word, serendipitous? Sorry, this word is new to me."
"Oh it means occurring or discovered by chance in a happy or beneficial way. Like ideas or projects happening suddenly because people are there."
"Okay, from what it sounds like this idea was just a serendipitous moment you had on the toilet."

-Another co-worker asked him point blank, did he realize the impact this was having on people's mental health and stress levels. VP looks down and does a weird nervous poo poo eating grin thing, coworker immediately yells at him "Stop smiling!", people clapped and a normally lowkey product manager shouted "SAYS IT ALL RIGHT THERE!"

-One of my coworkers started sobbing, because she lives 90 minutes away. She comes in two days a week and asking her to come in four days a week is impractical for her. She's got a young family with another one on the way. For this alone, I hope the motherfucker is out on his rear end.

-He kept saying that our location had a ton of people with a long tenure and that should be rewarded. Multiple people asked him if he really didn't realize why people stayed here for so long despite making less than market average. He was dumbfounded by this.

-Overall, it was clear he didn't think this through beyond HBE being let go if they didn't return to an office, and figured that it would have minimal impact. He clearly did not think beyond "more people in the office=Better than!"

-Someone asked him if he thought his boss, who constantly praises our products and one of our flagship products, knew that he was essentially gutting those products. More dumbfounded looks.

-For some reason, this guy thought that saying "well we're flexible with you, so if you leave for an hour early once in awhile or come in later, we can do that!" would solve things. Noooooope.

-One manager told him point blank that working from home, she works longer than eight hours a day because she likes to be available for her employees and that she gets more work done. She's fine with that. But if she spends an extra eight hours a week in the car, that's a full work day wasted and that productivity is going to take a massive hit as a result.

-At one point, one of the directors that's been tasked to carry this poo poo pile and call it gold, when asked what we got out of this, tried to tell us that being apart of this award winning team and creating these amazing products should be enough in the short term. Yeah, that loving went over well.

-HR rep was clearly out of her element and at one point, tried to say they can't treat employees different just cause they are parents or whatever. Queue shouts of "uhh, that is not at all what we are asking for".

There's more and I'll share more later on, but I need to eat my dinner and get my friend this audio file. Strap the gently caress in.

# ? Feb 9, 2019 01:08

Wasabi the J: Jan 23, 2008; MOM WAS RIGHT

quote:

-At one point, a co-worker who I think is a contractor, and clearly didn't give a gently caress, asked him what he meant by serendipitous, because English wasn't his first language. The exchange,

"So what do you mean by this word, serendipitous? Sorry, this word is new to me."
"Oh it means occurring or discovered by chance in a happy or beneficial way. Like ideas or projects happening suddenly because people are there."
"Okay, from what it sounds like this idea was just a serendipitous moment you had on the toilet."

Holy loving :laffo:

# ? Feb 9, 2019 01:26

Nostalgia4Infinity: Feb 27, 2007; 10,000 YEARS WASN'T ENOUGH LURKING

Jesus Christ that dude sucks rear end :stare:

Like number one rule of management is �if it�s not broke don�t fix it�. Followed closely with �if work is getting done, just loving roll with it and don�t ask too many questions.�

This reeks of some dumbass trying to create resume bullets by shaking things up.

# ? Feb 9, 2019 01:29

Vasudus: May 30, 2003

One of the main reasons they changed the corporate buzzword from human resources to ~human capital~ is because idiots like that don't realize they're killing the golden goose.

# ? Feb 9, 2019 01:37

Tiny Timbs: Sep 6, 2008

That definitely sounds like they just want to attrit a bunch of people and the VP spent an hour in the car trying to come up with vaguely plausible motivations aside from that

# ? Feb 9, 2019 01:39

Handsome Ralph: Sep 3, 2004; Oh boy, posting!
That's where I'm a Viking!

Wasabi the J posted:

Holy loving

Yeah we all laughed at that. Probably the only moment there was genuine laughter.

Oh and someone asked him point blank, was there an event (people working second jobs, RSA sharing with a contractor in china, etc) or performance that prompted this decision? "Nope!" Dude is dumb as gently caress.

Handsome Ralph fucked around with this message at 01:42 on Feb 9, 2019

# ? Feb 9, 2019 01:39

CommieGIR: Aug 22, 2006; The blue glow is a feature, not a bug; Pillbug

Handsome Ralph posted:

Yes. Several times. "Respectfully"

I yelled at him at one point "You say you value our feedback, but it's hard to believe that when you're soliciting it after the fact".

Here's a crosspost,

Burn him. To. The. Ground.

# ? Feb 9, 2019 01:40

The Rat: Aug 29, 2004; You will find no one to help you here. Beth DuClare has been dissected and placed in cryonic storage.

Now I really want to stick around to see the resulting violence.

# ? Feb 9, 2019 01:52

Godholio: Aug 28, 2002; Does a bear split in the woods near Zheleznogorsk?

Keep going, I'm almost there...

# ? Feb 9, 2019 02:38

Soulex: Apr 1, 2009; Cacati in mano e pigliati a schiaffi!

What is to stop you from jumping chain? Why not inform his boss or whatever of the ramifications his short sightedness will bring?

# ? Feb 9, 2019 03:08

Kawasaki Nun: Jul 16, 2001; by Reene

Tell the top dog that this puke VP makes your office want to organize and form a union

# ? Feb 9, 2019 03:18

Handsome Ralph: Sep 3, 2004; Oh boy, posting!
That's where I'm a Viking!

Soulex posted:

What is to stop you from jumping chain? Why not inform his boss or whatever of the ramifications his short sightedness will bring?

It's already happening. I'm basically Mark Felt in this case. People above my paygrade are taking the recording and other things up the chain. Fingers crossed.

The sad part is, morale isn't going to be the reason they back off on this, but the loss of equity and product quality that the product managers and sales people will bitch about. Morale and retention will be a factor, but not as big those two.

Kawasaki Nun posted:

Tell the top dog that this puke VP makes your office want to organize and form a union

lol, the thought crossed my mind. "What would make them absolutely want to shitcan this guy? Tell them he's pushed people into forming a union."

# ? Feb 9, 2019 03:25

Nostalgia4Infinity: Feb 27, 2007; 10,000 YEARS WASN'T ENOUGH LURKING

holy poo poo, if someone said the u-word to his face i would shot a hole through my ceiling by nutting so hard

also stan lee loving owned

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RmLFGWAyajU

# ? Feb 9, 2019 04:27

Nostalgia4Butts: Jun 1, 2006; WHERE MY HOSE DRINKERS AT

that series was really cool if just for this episode

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yzac_3Y_Tng

# ? Feb 9, 2019 04:34

not caring here: Feb 22, 2012; blazemastah 2 dry 4 u

I have no idea how to feel about this except Richard Roundtree is in there so it can't be completely terrible

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lD41XdWcmbY

# ? Feb 9, 2019 07:13

Handsome Ralph: Sep 3, 2004; Oh boy, posting!
That's where I'm a Viking!

I'm bored and my switches battery is recharging, have some more incompetence.

Handsome Ralph posted:

It really was.

We're in the DC market, so constant reminders were made that were in a very competitive market right now and that's about to get even more competitive with Amazon coming to town.

I talked to a friend and the more I hear, the more it sounds like this guy just hates the concept of working from home and has since day one. I get the argument that people interacting face to face is great for projects that require constant collaboration. Problem is, our work doesn't really work like that. It's very solo oriented work, and even when we do group work, our flagship teams that have been 90% remote have done amazing work and collaboration with things like slack and such.

Here's another kicker. Our flagship product, which gets advertised/name-dropped on NPR, wins awards at trade shows, etc is 80% gutted by this move. Two people on that team expressed a willingness to either relocate if the relocation bonus wasn't bad or if they could work out of the office on their locality. This dumb motherfucker went cheap on the relocation money, so that person is balking, and flat out refused the other ones request to get a desk in the mostly empty NYC office. The director/product manager I mentioned yesterday got wind of this and is now in full on damage control mode to try keep those two people. One of whom is basically a shadow project leader, so losing them would be a big loving deal. Also lol at the concept that you're going to just replace these people in six months with no hiccups. Three days ago I'd absolutely agree with you this feels like a shadow layoff but the more that I find out, the more it looks like this dipshit is just trying to swing his dick around. The only question is if someone is going to step in before this guy irreparably damages our unit. Though I'd say enough damage has already been done.

More things I forgot to mention in my last post.

-People flat out asked this guy if this was indeed a shadow layoff, he said no of course not and we plan to rehire for those positions so long as they work in an office (but he's going to be competing with a seller's job market and with Amazon coming to town, will likely need to spend even more money to get and retain talent). There are other reasons why I now know it's not a shadow layoff at this point that I can't really post here. He also then confirmed that the reason he wants the home based employees to stay on till November 1st at minimum to get their severance packages, is so they can train their replacements. lol.

-We asked if this no more full time home based employees or four/one schedule was being implemented across the company. "No, just my division. Oh and except the UK offices (labor laws are cool) and anyone with an ada accomodation."

So you're basically canning one of the biggest draws to our company, just in our division, because you believe in serendipity? And you're doing it in several markets that have to compete with a seller's job market? Good luck, rear end in a top hat!

-He went on to tell us he's an engineer (oh that would explain so so much) , so he needs data to show him that working from home is good for our unit. We said that data exists. He asks what data we're referring to
Multiple people yelled at him "Our products success!" Oh well you see that's not data to me, so moving on. He then proceeded to tell us in his gut he knew his decision was the right one. So literally 90 seconds prior you're telling us you need data to make informed decisions, then tell us our data doesn't count, and then proceed to tell us your gut is verifiable data. You're not an engineer, you're a loving moron. Pretty sure this is going to be used against him by the other execs that were in the meeting because lol at rolling out your galaxy brain idea without getting any input or feedback, and then proceeding to tell hundreds of people their lives are being dramatically affected because of your data that is actually a gut feeling.

-Other heartening thing, there were managers in that meeting that I've worked under that were not crazy about working from home or restrict it for whatever reason that were pushing back, hard. It was seriously the most united front I've seen from my office in a long time.

Sorry for the second wall of text. I'm just stuck in a car for the next four hours and this poo poo is still bugging the hell out of me. I've already applied to two other jobs, one looks cool but is kinda far and the other might be a bust but who knows. Honestly the only way I see myself staying is if this guy gets his rear end kicked in by the exec team and I get a solid raise next month. A promotion or a new project would be cool too, everyone I work with in my office, even the dude married to my ex-fiance (look at my post history earlier in the thread) are good people to work with, personality issues aside.

Oh and we have two WebEx calls on Monday about this that are company wide. Should be fun.

Edit: Bonus "Serendipity toilet" guy story. The VP showed up to this town hall with a two slide PowerPoint and his head of HR on his iPhones speaker phone.

"I just cannot understand how you thought coming here with a couple of slides, and some guy on your phone was going to make this all better!" queue laughing and applause. Seriously that guy rules.

# ? Feb 9, 2019 12:55

Untagged: Mar 29, 2004; Hey, does your planet have wiper fluid yet or you gonna freak out and start worshiping us?

For those that are interested, Season 3 of The Expanse is now available on Prime for free.

# ? Feb 9, 2019 13:53

BigDave: Jul 14, 2009; Taste the High Country

Some fucker got my debit card # and banged out a bunch of $40 charges at a Florida Wal-Mart, practically cleaned me out. Fidelity says 'the Fraud Team' will reverse the charges in 10 calendar days. :argh:

This is why you have two checking accounts, one for spending and one for bills.

# ? Feb 9, 2019 13:58

Handsome Ralph: Sep 3, 2004; Oh boy, posting!
That's where I'm a Viking!

Untagged posted:

For those that are interested, Season 3 of The Expanse is now available on Prime for free.

Oh gently caress yeah gonna binge when I get home.

# ? Feb 9, 2019 13:58

Sarah: Apr 4, 2005; I'm watching you.

I went back to work Monday. Re: shoe chat - the only pair of work shoes I brought were my pre-pregnancy shoes that I had to stop wearing from hippo feet. :downs:

Boy was that a mistake. I already wore them all day Monday so I had no choice but to double down and keep wearing them to get used to them again. Was fine by Friday thank goodness.

And I got my evaluation yesterday. I got rated exceptional and I�m getting a bonus :stare:

# ? Feb 9, 2019 14:36

M_Gargantua: Oct 16, 2006; STOMP'N ON INTO THE POWERLINES; Exciting Lemon

Sarah posted:

And I got my evaluation yesterday. I got rated exceptional and I�m getting a bonus

Glad to hear there is at least one worker success story this week.

# ? Feb 9, 2019 14:57

Flying_Crab: Apr 12, 2002

M_Gargantua posted:

Glad to hear there is at least one worker success story this week.

I need a job :ohdear:

# ? Feb 9, 2019 15:03

CRUSTY MINGE: Mar 30, 2011; Peggy Hill
Foot Connoisseur

I always know people hiring. Granted, you have to move to Colorado, get licensed, and not mind smelling like a skunks' rear end in a top hat all day.

Yay, overtime day. Love working saturdays.

CRUSTY MINGE fucked around with this message at 15:22 on Feb 9, 2019

# ? Feb 9, 2019 15:17

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# ? May 13, 2024 11:49

Vasudus: May 30, 2003

I probably have like three days before I can even try wearing these new shoes again. There was an area twice the size of a postage stamp on both my heels that has no skin, and almost three days later is finally *starting* to heal up. When I try again I'm going to have bandages already on and my old ones ready to swap to. Goddamn.

# ? Feb 9, 2019 15:49

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Internet VFW > 2020+1-6+9 NonGender Specific Parent Chat: Old thread's working fine, why replace it?

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