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Antivehicular
Dec 30, 2011

I wanna sing one for the cars
That are right now headed silent down the highway
And it's dark and there is nobody driving
And something has got to give


sebmojo posted:

judgment will occur.

Inter prompt: what the hell just walked in the door (350 words)

Saturday Night, the Cincinnati City Center Sheraton, Fifth Floor
318 words

"Dude!" yells Malachi Bloodsong, springing to his feet and pulling on his fursuit head. "This is a private room party."

The guy who's just staggered through the door is wearing the jankiest fursuit Mal's ever seen -- some kind of husky or something? Why are they all loving huskies? Over it is a pair of ragged jeans and a torn labcoat. loving fursuit cosplay. The guy's got a sixer of Mike's in one hand, like that should get him in the door. loving newbie. loving idiot. Behind Mal, he can hear the others freaking out and pulling clothes on. There's a thud of a bottle being dropped, then a yell: "CHRIST ON A BIKE, MY SUIT --"

Mal pushes the interloper out bodily, making little shoo shoo shoo noises. Mr. lovely Cosplayer stumbles, obviously already half-drunk, but he obliges, and once he's through the door Mal slams it and throws the chain lock. When he turns around, all of his best friends are hiding under the covers of the hotel bed save for Jazz Jaguar, who's disconsolately rubbing seltzer water on pink-and-purple fake fur.

MurrCon is ruined.

***

As the door slams behind her, Subject N-0058 paws disconsolately at her con badge. Friends, the lab tech had said when she'd sprung her from the cage. She was supposed to find friends here, people who would understand. The bottles she carried were supposed to buy their protection. Why did she fail? Her legs ache. Her eyes water. Freedom is terrible.

The hallway is long, N-0058 tells herself. There are many cages here. Many have signs -- signs that mean there might be friends. The first failed, but she has to keep trying.

N-0058 wobbles down the hall. This time, she knocks. The door opens -- a subject, with long ears and white fur. "Heyyyyy," it says. "Hey, are those Mike's? Nice."

Subject N-0058 steps inside. This time, nobody screams.

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Staggy
Mar 20, 2008

Said little bitch, you can't fuck with me if you wanted to
These expensive
These is red bottoms
These is bloody shoes


Week 336 - Best of the Bestiary - Results

What a week.

We've had tales of bad roommates and revenge, goats in space and banditos, sacrifice and duty. We've had a lot of stories ending with the protagonist just straight-up dying. We've had some questionable titles and truly suspect dialogue. You've taken the prompts you were given and run with them in some creative ways and a lot of my notes consist of variations on "oh, that's clever". Given the sheer number of entries we had, the quality of stories ran the whole range from excellent to crummy. You made a hell of a lot of work for the Judges and before I go any further I want to thank sebmojo and Djeser again for all their help. We could have deliberated for days but in the end we had to come to a decision.

Now for what you've all been waiting for. I'll keep it short and sweet - full crits will be forthcoming over the course of the next week.

First of all, the failures. QuoProQuid, Mekchu, BabyRyoga, Tyrannosaurus, CapFalcon, CascadeBeta and Sandnavyguy - for shame. RandomPaul - at least you withdrew early and for a good reason.

Mercedes, the deadline was extended and you still submitted late. You're disqualified but you'll get a full crit for at least not failing.

The loss goes to SlipUp. This was a close one but the judges were united in not knowing what on earth was happening. Enjoy your new losertar and try again next week.

The dishonorable mentions go to Simply Simon, Bolt Crank, McSlaughter and Chairchucker.

The honorable mentions go to Pham Nuwen, Anomalous Blowout, Entenzahn and Benny Profane. Good work!

The winner this week is none other than Antivehicular for a great non-literal use of the prompt and a story that was, in the words of one judge, "cool and weird". Things were close at this end of the results too. Crisp, clear dialogue and efficient worldbuilding helped you pull ahead just enough to win. Congratulations!

Please take you seat on the blood throne.

SlipUp
Sep 30, 2006


Like... you guys didn't get that he tricked someone into confessing his secrets or...

Pham Nuwen
Oct 30, 2010




SlipUp posted:

Like... you guys didn't get that he tricked someone into confessing his secrets or...

Here's my crit: look at the sentence "Ed clicked his tongue relieved, and a bang was heard on the window." and contemplate what's wrong with it.

Judges, thanks for the extremely fast judgement post! Excellent prompt, too. I had fun with it.

Exmond
May 31, 2007

Writing is fun!

SlipUp posted:

Like... you guys didn't get that he tricked someone into confessing his secrets or...

I suggest making a thread discussing your crit, or to go on IRC/Discord to discuss it. In general, discussing crits (save for ty) isn't done in this thread.

anatomi
Jan 31, 2015


sebmojo posted:

judgment will occur.

Inter prompt: what the hell just walked in the door (350 words)
Sheyner Man - 350 words

“He’s back, you know. My sheyner man,” grandma says as I feed the fire. We’d been butchering sloppy whodunits and equally sloppy cognac all evening. She’d gotten some heat into her and had melted into the armchair. Now she wanted to remember grandpa. A portrait on the mantelpiece, taken before he became ill. A face stamped by a few but deep creases. Playful eyes and a distinctive dark mane belying his age.

Grandma liked to relive “the good ones”, memories that made her cluck so deeply that her belly bobbed, forcing Barnaby, may he rest in peace, to abandon her lap. But now grandma seemed hushed.

Ja… I place a glass of cognac, just a small one, on the kitchen floor, and my little sheyner man visits…”

I decide against dealing with grandma’s abruptly appearing dementia, opting to knock the bottle with my knuckle: “Just echoes. Fetch another?”

Soft snores.

***

I rotate my armchair to get a good view of the kitchen, where a glass of Grönstedts waits on the floor. I smile foolishly. I sit in the dusk for some time, half-dreaming.

Perhaps the sound has gone on for a while before I actually hear its rustling and scratching, emanating through the kitchen hall from the dark outside.

The door handle doesn’t turn slowly, like it would in a sloppy whodunit. It doesn’t turn at all. No - it’s Barnaby’s old pet door carefully being unfolded. Something steps over the threshold, bending itself beneath the flap. One small foot. Two. A naked man, no bigger than the bottle on the counter, scampers into the house. It’s gloomy, but I recognize the furrowed face. The glittering eyes.

I stare as grandpa dips his head and pulls deeply. Splashes of amber adorn the floor and his chest as he shakes off the cognac. He sighs blissfully.

A muffled sound as my glass hits the carpet.

Grandpa’s face contorts into a snarl - but a kind smile replaces it almost instantaneously. He puts a finger on his lips and winks mischivously.

The fat rat-tail lags behind as grandpa climbs out the hole.

anatomi fucked around with this message at 20:35 on Jan 15, 2019

SlipUp
Sep 30, 2006


My bad. C'est la vie.

Yoruichi
Sep 21, 2017


Horse Facts

True and Interesting Facts about Horse




Some crits for week 336

I read some of the stories from this week. Having put your poop words in my eyes, I thought I would dispense opinions. If your story isn't mentioned below that's cos I didn't read it because oh god there were so many.

You can always ask if you want crittín, or if you write a crit of mine I'll crit you back.

Marks out of 10 are given to give my comments context. If I only said meany weany things but gave you a 6 then I obviously didn't hate it that much.


The Lionís Den by Dolash

This is a good little fantasy adventure. The writing is fine. But I think it lacks characterisation. The moral of the story - hunter spares stag, magical stag saves hunter - is fairly standard, so it needed more characterisation of Peter to draw the reader in and make them care about his fate. Who is he? Whatís he like? Is he changed by this experience?

Iím pleased he loves his horse though.

6.5/10


Whatís Spine is Yours by Bolt Crank

Lol at that title. This story is better than it has any right to be. Itís ridiculous but somehow the ending ties it all together.

Itís hard to make comedy stories really amazing, but this is pretty solid.

6.5/10


Salamander by HopperUK

This is good. My only comments are that it is a little slow to get going, and the opening (ďwhen I was small and cried for cold or hungerĒ) doesnít match the end (ďLet them come for me. I am ready.Ē) I think it would have worked better if you had opened with the sister comforting the protag because they were hiding from pursuers, or something. Some circumstance where having the power to fight back would be comforting.

7.5/10


A Nugget of Truth in Every Mouse by Simply Simon

This is not a bad effort, but I didn't really get drawn into the relationship between the father and the son, so I didn't feel much satisfaction at the ending. The son just seems like a bit of a dick, and the father needed more character, maybe to foreshadow that he was doing the right thing after all.

I found the poetic style you've written this in distracting. Are you a bard? Some turns of phrase were a bit Yoda-esque. Are you Bard-Yoda?

5/10


Peaceful Cohabitation by Auraboks

BARRYYYYYY!

I thought this was funny. I liked the descriptions of Barry and his hapless roommate. But sort of nothing happens, and then heís dead. I think this needed more of a story arc to make it a satisfying read.

5.5/10


Back from the Officially Dead by Chairchucker

Ok so you ran out of words / time. But, I was entertained while it lasted.

What does it have to with pelicans?

4/10


The Sun in Chains by Kaishai

This is cool but it felt like the idea was too big for the word limit. Cilleís decision to go against her culture and everything she's been taught seemed like it was taken too lightly. Something else needed to happen to motivate her actions, but there wasn't room in 800 words for this.

7/10


Voice Thief by Mercedes

My first impression was that this made insufficient amounts of sense. Then I went and read about your medievil beast, and then I thought, ha ha ok this is pretty cool.

I like Brad and Dan as characters, the descriptions of this weird wolfy world are cool, and the ending works well.

But - and I suspect my entry this week will get pinged with the same criticism that Iím about to give you - stories need to make sense without reading the prompt, even quite a literal prompt like this weekís.

Definitely better late than never!

4/10 before I read up on wolves, 7/10 afterwards.


Part of the Forest by DJ Dublell

This felt like parts 2 and 3 of a longer story. It felt like it was missing its setup; what do these characters want? What is the conflict in the story? And then the ending is very abrupt, thereís no sense of anything achieved or resolved. Not that all stories have to have an arc that ends in resolution, but it felt like this one was needed more to it.

But even though it felt incomplete what is there isnít bad - the prose and descriptions are good.

5.5/10


Ape by onsetOutsider

The descriptions of this eerie ritual are well done, but the silliness of an adult suffering serious grief over a stuffed toy kinda killed the story for me. I would have liked more explanation of why the festival was necessary, and more insight into why Huxley was so important to the protag. I was half expecting Huxley to represent a previous lost child, or something, but it seems like the protag is just fond of it because they made it?

5/10


El Oso by Pham Nuwen

This is cool, but the joke ending doesn't match the tone of the rest. I also found the action sequence a little disjointed - like they're waiting for the guards to come out, then he just goes and rips the door off anyway. Where are the rest of the townspeople? But still, not bad.

6.5/10


Manís Law, Godís Law, and Fishy Law by SlipUp

You completely lost me with this one. It also appears to have nothing to do with your prompt, apart from random fish references.

Opening with a reference to vomit is not a good start.

Most of the rest is tedious and confusing dialogue.

The ending kind of makes sense but I am left confused about what on earth was going on with the protag and Goerman. I get that he tricked him, but why? How'd he get arrested? What's the relationship between these two? Etc.

4/10


Goats in the Shell by Hawklad

This is good space goat fun. I lolled.

Baaa.

7/10

Flesnolk
Apr 11, 2012

h

SlipUp posted:

Like... you guys didn't get that he tricked someone into confessing his secrets or...

Brawl

SlipUp
Sep 30, 2006


I don't disagree with the loss. That much I figure is done. Just didn't know if it was the plot or the syntax was the problem. Thanks to a couple crits that's resolved. (Its both.) I am frustrated because my first two TD entries were middle of the pack and my last three have been loss-dm-loss. Super discouraging.

For the record the, cuz this is bothering me. The echeneis entry said you could use it to delay a legal proceeding. So I made it the lawyer. I'll do better this week.

Flesnolk
Apr 11, 2012

h

So is that accepting or declining the brawl challenge

Mr. Steak
May 8, 2013

T.T.D.D.T.D.D

Thug lyfe.


Yoruichi, thanks so much for the crit! Your comments are entirely fair.

Punkreas
May 13, 2013

*chews on head*


Lipstick Apathy

Thank you for the crit, Yoruichi!

Since providing/learning to crit will help with my writing, I'm going to try to provide input on every single submission.

I'd apologize for their quality ahead of time but, let's be honest - every single one of you deserve it for what you've done.

SlipUp
Sep 30, 2006


Oh are you challenging me? Well in that case sure. Put these crits to good use.

Pham Nuwen
Oct 30, 2010






SlipUp posted:

Oh are you challenging me? Well in that case sure. Put these crits to good use.

I'll judge, stand by for prompt.

Sham bam bamina!
Nov 6, 2012

ƨtupid cat




Make them write stories about your avatar.

Chairchucker
Nov 14, 2006

The man was stunningly well dressed. He had a smart looking jacket, and a really neat looking cape, the lining of which was shimmering and sparkling in more than Oriental splendour, which is a great deal of splendour indeed, just ask Kipling.

Good fast judging.

Pham Nuwen
Oct 30, 2010




Sham bam bamina! posted:

Make them write stories about your avatar.

Done!

Slipnolk Brawl



In 1200 words or less, tell me a story about what the dead are taking/extracting from the living. You'll be disqualified if it is literal coins from a literal human butt. No erotica, no google docs, blah blah.

Deadline is 11:59 MST, January 23, 2019.

Flesnolk
Apr 11, 2012

h

Dolash
Oct 23, 2008

aNYWAY,
tHAT'S REALLY ALL THERE IS,
tO REPORT ON THE SUBJECT,
oF ME GETTING HURT,




Thanks, Yoruichi! Your critique is right on, they're things I'll be paying attention to going into the next round for sure. Keen to see what the next prompt is!

apophenium
Apr 13, 2009


Hey, I wanna fight somebody, too. Anyone brave enough?

HopperUK
Apr 29, 2007

Why would an ambulance be leaving the hospital?

Thanks Yoruichi!

SlipUp
Sep 30, 2006



Saucy_Rodent
Oct 24, 2018

by Pragmatica


apophenium posted:

Hey, I wanna fight somebody, too. Anyone brave enough?

I'll fight you.

derp
Jan 21, 2010

when i get up all i want to do is go to bed again

Lipstick Apathy

is this just fight week, no prompts? i guess someone better fight me then

apophenium
Apr 13, 2009


Saucy_Rodent posted:

I'll fight you.

Someone do the needful! More blood!

Mercedes
Mar 7, 2006

"So you Jesus?"

"And you black?"

"Nigga prove it!"

And so Black Jesus turned water into a bucket of chicken. And He saw that it was good.






derp posted:

is this just fight week, no prompts? i guess someone better fight me then

loving put them up you piece of cabbage

Give me two weeks to submit!

derp
Jan 21, 2010

when i get up all i want to do is go to bed again

Lipstick Apathy

Mercedes posted:

loving put them up you piece of cabbage

Give me two weeks to submit!

die bish

(USER WAS BANNED FOR THIS POST)

Antivehicular
Dec 30, 2011

I wanna sing one for the cars
That are right now headed silent down the highway
And it's dark and there is nobody driving
And something has got to give


Okay, so, first things first: to complete all my outstanding judge crits before submission deadline for week 337.

Furthermore, I'll do crits for Week 336 stories for anyone who requests one. These may be later than the deadline above, because I have like 40 crits to write, holy hell, but I'll do my best to be timely.

Pham Nuwen
Oct 30, 2010




Antivehicular posted:

Okay, so, first things first: to complete all my outstanding judge crits before submission deadline for week 337.

Furthermore, I'll do crits for Week 336 stories for anyone who requests one. These may be later than the deadline above, because I have like 40 crits to write, holy hell, but I'll do my best to be timely.

Yeah but the prompt tho

sebmojo
Oct 23, 2010


DERPMERC BRAWL

I will judge this. Write me a story that starts with at least two characters falling off a cliff. 800 words, 30 jan 2359 pst.

Flesnolk
Apr 11, 2012

h

Antivehicular posted:

Okay, so, first things first: to complete all my outstanding judge crits before submission deadline for week 337.

Furthermore, I'll do crits for Week 336 stories for anyone who requests one. These may be later than the deadline above, because I have like 40 crits to write, holy hell, but I'll do my best to be timely.

Prompt

flerp
Feb 25, 2014

I DON'T ALWAYS
HERDY DUR MUR FLERP FLERPITY
FLOOPIN
BUT WHEN I DO
I YER DER FLERPITY
THURN DER DERMIN
BORK! BORK! BORK!


Pham Nuwen posted:

Yeah but the prompt tho

apophenium
Apr 13, 2009


apophenium posted:

Someone do the needful! More blood!

Oh yeah forgot the

Dolash
Oct 23, 2008

aNYWAY,
tHAT'S REALLY ALL THERE IS,
tO REPORT ON THE SUBJECT,
oF ME GETTING HURT,




Antivehicular posted:

Okay, so, first things first: to complete all my outstanding judge crits before submission deadline for week 337.

Furthermore, I'll do crits for Week 336 stories for anyone who requests one. These may be later than the deadline above, because I have like 40 crits to write, holy hell, but I'll do my best to be timely.

Sure, I'd love a crit as well!

Antivehicular
Dec 30, 2011

I wanna sing one for the cars
That are right now headed silent down the highway
And it's dark and there is nobody driving
And something has got to give


THUNDERDOME WEEK CCCXXXVII: A Dark and Stormy 2019



It's January again, so I want to revisit a prompt from last January that I had a ton of fun with: Lyttle Lytton Week! Let's see what you guys can come up with using really bad first sentences.

If you're not familiar with it, the Lyttle Lytton is an annual contest to compose terrible opening sentences for imaginary novels. Your challenge this week is to use one of these sentences, verbatim, as the first sentence of your story, then write a good story with it.

To break it down into bullet points:

1. When you sign up, choose a Lyttle Lytton sentence from the archive link above, or ask me to choose one for you. The only restriction I'm going to put on this is please don't choose one based on topical politics, because I don't want to read what comes from that. (Erotic or fanfictional choices are also bad, but I'll let you brave those if you want.)

2. Your sentence should be used, verbatim, as the first sentence of your story. This should be the real first sentence; don't get cute with it by having it be from a bad novel being written by your protagonist, or something. Own it.

3. You don't have to exactly copy the style or content of your sentence, because that would probably lead to a bad story, and I want you to write well.

No erotica, fanfic, topical political satire/screeds, archive-breaking formatting, or dick pics. Other standard TD rules apply.

Word Limit: 1000 (1250 if you toxx)
Signup Deadline: 11:59 PM Pacific, January 18th, 2019
Submission Deadline: 11:59 PM Pacific, January 20th, 2019

Judges:
Antivehicular
Flesnolk
Sitting Here

Entrants
1. Pham Nuwen
2. crabrock
3. apophenium
4. anatomi
5. Thranguy
6. Lippincott
7. SlipUp
8. Bolt Crank
9. QM Haversham
10. Bad Seafood
11. onsetOutsider
12. Sham bam bamina!
13. Dolash
14. Devorum
15. Chairchucker
16. Staggy
17. a computing pun
18. theblunderbuss
19. Yoruichi
20. Djeser
21. Entenzahn
22. Simply Simon
23. Rad-daddio

Antivehicular fucked around with this message at 05:51 on Jan 20, 2019

Flesnolk
Apr 11, 2012

h

Antivehicular posted:

Okay, so, first things first: to complete all my outstanding judge crits before submission deadline for week 337.

Furthermore, I'll do crits for Week 336 stories for anyone who requests one. These may be later than the deadline above, because I have like 40 crits to write, holy hell, but I'll do my best to be timely.

Also yeah sure crit please

Pham Nuwen
Oct 30, 2010




In, and gimme a sentence please

Saucy_Rodent
Oct 24, 2018

by Pragmatica


apophenium posted:

Oh yeah forgot the

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crabrock
Aug 2, 2002


in with :

"Hugo kissed Rachel like no man had ever kissed a woman; he put his nose deep in her mouth and exhaled."

and in'

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