Register a SA Forums Account here!
JOINING THE SA FORUMS WILL REMOVE THIS BIG AD, THE ANNOYING UNDERLINED ADS, AND STUPID INTERSTITIAL ADS!!!

You can: log in, read the tech support FAQ, or request your lost password. This dumb message (and those ads) will appear on every screen until you register! Get rid of this crap by registering your own SA Forums Account and joining roughly 150,000 Goons, for the one-time price of $9.95! We charge money because it costs us money per month for bills, and since we don't believe in showing ads to our users, we try to make the money back through forum registrations.
 
  • Post
  • Reply
Nethilia
Oct 17, 2012

Hullabalooza '96
Easily Depressed
Teenagers Edition


In, I guess.

let's use this:
https://www.akc.org/dog-breeds/rottweiler/

Adbot
ADBOT LOVES YOU

Nethilia
Oct 17, 2012

Hullabalooza '96
Easily Depressed
Teenagers Edition


The Great Dog Escape In The Hood
[975]
(https://www.akc.org/dog-breeds/rottweiler/)

https://thunderdome.cc/?story=7327&title=The+Great+Dog+Escape+In+The+Hood

Nethilia fucked around with this message at 23:16 on Jan 2, 2020

Nethilia
Oct 17, 2012

Hullabalooza '96
Easily Depressed
Teenagers Edition


Kudoclasm: When Lifelong Dreams Are Brought Down to Earth

in.

Nethilia
Oct 17, 2012

Hullabalooza '96
Easily Depressed
Teenagers Edition


Pamela's Diary
1446
(Kudoclasm: When Lifelong Dreams Are Brought Down to Earth)

https://thunderdome.cc/?story=7406&title=Pamela%5C%27s+Diary

Nethilia fucked around with this message at 23:16 on Jan 2, 2020

Nethilia
Oct 17, 2012

Hullabalooza '96
Easily Depressed
Teenagers Edition


Interprompt
"Y'all punks for not posting an interprompt before today."
150 words, the word "y'all" and "ain't" ain't optional.

Nethilia
Oct 17, 2012

Hullabalooza '96
Easily Depressed
Teenagers Edition


In.

Nethilia
Oct 17, 2012

Hullabalooza '96
Easily Depressed
Teenagers Edition


Gator Bait
[656]

https://thunderdome.cc/?story=7420&title=Gator+Bait

Nethilia fucked around with this message at 23:17 on Jan 2, 2020

Nethilia
Oct 17, 2012

Hullabalooza '96
Easily Depressed
Teenagers Edition


Top Ten Hundred Words


Hello. I have made very good words and that is why I am the choose-person who gets to tell you all how I would like you to make very good words. I do not want bad or very bad words. That is what I am here to do: choose the best words in around seven days.

Here is a set of words that show you the ten hundred group of words that are the most words people who talk in my words use when you put your words in it.
https://xkcd.com/simplewriter/

This week, you will use words to make stories, but the words you will write your story will be simple. You must only use the top ten hundred words in the language (except for names and places). I will allow different uses of a word. Other than those kinds of words, you cannot use other words more than ten parts of a hundred. Also, your words must be about someone who is happy about something, because I am happy about this. The other choose-people and me will check your words in the simple writer. Do not use many words outside of the top ten hundred. If there are too many words that aren't simple, you will not be able to get more than a bad mention and you may lose. If you use very few words that are not simple, you will do better.

You have ten hundred words to say your things. If you would like two hundred more words, I or another choose-person will offer you a thing that will make your words a little harder.

(In non-simple text for people who are now going drat it, Neth's fallen off the Blood Throne and hit her head:

Hi. I won. Look at me. Don't gimme poo poo. I'm the judge now.

The link above is a Simple Word writer, in the style of XKCD's Up-Goer Five or the book Thing Explainer. That's your challenge. That link'll red-text any words that aren't the most common words. You can only use those words--barring proper nouns like names and places--to write your stories this week, with a buffer of about ten percent (with the obvious of word tenses/plurals and such as). You have only the top thousand words in English to write your stories. Also, you're going to write about people who have a reason to be happy. I (and the other judges) will check your words and if you've used too many words outside the top thousand, you'll DM or worse. The fewer words outside the top thousand, the better.

ETA: am only using xkcd's Simple Writer. Other lists won't help you.)

Rules:
1000 words.
Another 200 for a flash rule.
Standard Judge Rules Apply: No Fanfics, No SexDicks, No Politics; No GoogleDocs/Spreads/Database links. No attempts to make me hurl with wonktext. I'm very sensitive.


You can sign up until: Sunday, May 24th; 11:59 US PDT.
You must give me your words by: Sunday, May 26th; 11:59 US PDT.

People Who Will Choose The Words:
Nethilia
Saucy_Rodent
sebmojo

People Who Will Write The Words:
Ironic Twist
Black Griffon - Do not go to space today.
Doctor Zero
crabrock
Djeser - Cats are nice. Dogs are strange.
Antivehicular - I like blue and red and yellow, but i do not like the colors together.
Anomalous Amalgam - main person in the story wants big words.
Thranguy
Adam Vegas - rain outside.
Fuschia tude - door knocking
WhoopieCat
Salgal80
Mr. Steak
Killer-of-Lawyers
Nikaer Drekin
Hawklad
Tyrannosaurus

Nethilia fucked around with this message at 22:45 on May 25, 2019

Nethilia
Oct 17, 2012

Hullabalooza '96
Easily Depressed
Teenagers Edition


Black Griffon posted:

Inside, and big light making thank you.

Your story will be about space, but no one will go to space today and stay on earth.

Nethilia
Oct 17, 2012

Hullabalooza '96
Easily Depressed
Teenagers Edition


Djeser posted:

in for cloud-flash-sound spin-a-circle-and-cut-it-in-half

Cats are nice. Dogs are strange.

Antivehicular posted:

In, and a thing to make the story harder, please.

I like blue and red and yellow, but i do not like the colors together.
(Translation: All you can use are primary colors.)

Nethilia
Oct 17, 2012

Hullabalooza '96
Easily Depressed
Teenagers Edition


Anomalous Amalgam posted:

In, flash please.

Your main person in the story wants to talk in big words. They can not do that.

Adam Vegas posted:

In, with flash, please.

It rains a lot here, but you still have to go outside.

(if you might want to judge, get on the Discord and hit me up.)

Nethilia
Oct 17, 2012

Hullabalooza '96
Easily Depressed
Teenagers Edition


Fuschia tude posted:

In, and a flash work-order if you please.

Everyone keeps knocking on the door.

Nethilia
Oct 17, 2012

Hullabalooza '96
Easily Depressed
Teenagers Edition


There are eight hours to decide if you will write words this week.

ETA: and a day. I can not tell time.

Nethilia fucked around with this message at 23:22 on May 23, 2019

Nethilia
Oct 17, 2012

Hullabalooza '96
Easily Depressed
Teenagers Edition


Sign-ups are closed. Go write your stories.

Nethilia
Oct 17, 2012

Hullabalooza '96
Easily Depressed
Teenagers Edition


Closed.

Nethilia
Oct 17, 2012

Hullabalooza '96
Easily Depressed
Teenagers Edition



THE CHOOSE PEOPLE HAVE MADE THEIR CHOICES
YOU ALL HAVE TO LIVE WITH THEM.


"Black bird-cat" (Black Griffon) did not write any words at all. This makes me sad. Write words.

"Girl-eight tens" (salgal80) and "happy-sound-cat" (WhoopieCat) wrote very bad words. They were the most bad words of the week because they were bad-feeling-in-mouth about women. There are two last-places because I am the top of the choose people and I say that both of you are in last place. Do not make my bad-mad even more bad-mad.

A lot of people seem to think that "write about someone who is happy" means that people who are happy are not a good thing to be. All of those people get a bad mention. These people are "name that has two pairs of six letters" (nikaer dreken), "make law people not alive" (Killer-of-Lawyers), "card game machine makers guy"(Thranguy), and "red-light-red feelings" (Fuschia Tude). Next time write about people that are happy and don't make everything have a bad feeling in my mouth.

A lot of people wrote very good words. "rock with grab bits" (crabrock) wrote good words about hot food. bad for car (Antivehicular) wrote about people who are simple and the people who left them things to help them in a way that had a lot of good-and-bad-together feelings. "old sand god name" (Djeser) also wrote a good story about what happened to bigger words. "won money game died the next day" (Ironic Twist) wrote something that had a lot of sad in it but it was more good than the stuff in the middle. So all of you get a good mention.

The person that wrote the best words this week is...
*sound of sticks hitting the top of a round box*
...
"old dead sharp teeth leader"! (Tyrannosaurus)!

He wrote a story where people were happy, and also the animal was happy, and the words were the best and didn't make us mad. All the choose people agreed he wrote the best words.

Please sit in the red water in the body chair of power. It is your turn to choose the kinds of words people will write for you.

I will tell you how I feel about your words (using more than the top ten hundred words) soon.

Get out of my house.

Nethilia
Oct 17, 2012

Hullabalooza '96
Easily Depressed
Teenagers Edition


CRITS FOR THE CRIT GOD
NETH GOT THEM DONE BEFORE THE HEAT DEATH OF THE UNIVERSE


So. My three initial beats were as follows:
--Did you not use more than 10% of your words as non simple? I plugged your words into the reader, manually counted the red text skipping over names, and did math.

--Did you write something that was close to a story? I’m not hard tied to an arching plot or even things happening. This is flash fic, I don’t need you to write me War and Peace and would prefer you not, a five second character sketch counts as a story as long as I'm not expected to know backstory. But I expect there to be something.

--Did you make someone actually happy? Not bitterly happy or too stupid to be unhappy, but actually happy about a thing. Other than blithe confusion and dumb because they don’t know things.

The last one is where the fail swam in like those fish that get in your dick cause you peed in their river. Too many people took “happy about something” to fart cynicism or bitterness or anything at me. That’s not joy or happiness. That’s crapsack world under a thin layer of gloss. I'm not here for "happy, but." The HMs and win got what they did in a huge part because they clicked to the idea that when I say happy I meant happy, not "happy but oh ho ho, here’s the ugly part, and so this is why XYZ shouldn’t feel joy."

I’ll be honest. I’m not a cynic. I have shed that--not because I don't know what's going on in the world. I've known for decades. I know the world is crap in a thousand ways, thank you the constant barrage of news and media around me and phone alerts about the latest way people have died or killed people or are trying to gently caress you to get theirs. That’s why I wanted stories about people being happy about something. Furthermore, I don’t like stories that are all crank and piss, everything sucks, the ending is morose and moody, darkness no parents. I like—blissful as it comes off--happy rear end endings with :sparkles:sparkles and good feels.:sparkles: Stories that start happy and end with a sad twist or throw “you’re happy but you’re stupid to feel joy when the world sucks” rub me the wrong way, all apologies to Johnny Gil.

Your assignment past keeping to the top thousand words was “write about people being happy.” Maybe I wasn’t clear enough. Sorry.

Write about people being happy without robbing them of their happiness.

“You can’t feel joy when there’s poo poo in the world” is the other end of “you can’t feel bad about things because people have it worse” and both ends suck the butt. I’m tired of being told I can't be happy because there's a guy in a hut with no arms, legs, parents, goats, or carrots--and he shouldn’t feel anything good (or bad) because his neighbor down the road has no hut. Who taught you these things?

Stop that. Go feel joy. The world sucks—and it’s because of the world sucking that we need to find joy in the little poo poo, as simple as a sunbeam or a kiss on the cheek or buying that thing that makes you happy. Treat yo'self to joy. I had a month last year that sucked more rear end than a hooker on Sunday when the rent’s due on Monday, and I found happiness in a $14 blind box toy. Daisies exist, as do candy bars, good sandwiches, new music on Spotify, and the fact somewhere someone is getting hugged right now.

If you got a mid this week without mention you can consider that better than average because man did a lot of people piss me the hell off with their bitter bullshit. Let people be happy about things without being ignorant/stupid/loving it up, drag me. You can feel untethered joy. Trust me, it’s not outlawed yet.

roll that beautiful bean footage.

*~*~*

A Nearly Perfect Evening by WhoopieCat

9% of words non simple. Really pushed that envelope.

And for what? You used all those extra words to do nothing. NOTHING. Because once I figured out what was going on with Camilla, I didn’t like it. The opposite of liked it. Hat tip: stories about women not eating because food bad and being vapid and trying to drag other women down to the vapid pit with them are the opposite of joy. Who’s happy in this story? Do you mean the MC, who’s “happy” she’s not eating food and being willfully stupid? And wanting to drag another woman into it? You started with calling a woman fat and it only got worse. If you’re going for Stepford Wives I’m not into that. Anger.

Very low. Close to, if not, loser.

*~*~*

Life is Good by Salgal80

5.6% non simple. Okay.

Oh good, Emma’s at least happy...oh.

She’s happy because she’s blissfully ignorant of all the evil in the world. That’s not what I wanted. That’s not happiness, that’s cynical stupidity. Cynical “oh ho ho you wouldn’t be happy if you *knew* how suck the world is” was not what I wanted. I know how suck the world is. I’m old and bitter—which is why I go and ask for happy things. Pbbbbtl. Ignorance is not bliss. If you were trying to stick it to joy by pulling at “people wouldn’t be happy if they knew the TERRIBLE THINGS” well, you did. And that infuriates me. Go read everything I said in my opening.

Garbage. Loser. We’re going to fight in an alley and I’m gonna win.

*~*~*

Don't Drink the Pink Water by Doctor Zero

< 1% non simple.

The guy’s happy he has friends, and didn’t like his old ones? I guess. However, he’s not explaining well which means *you’re* not explaining well. I had to have one of the judges point out this was about D&D—and by that point I was irritated. Not irritated enough to DM you. You did go for happy, but it was confusing. You can use simple words to explain complex things without making things completely convoluted. That’s the point of Thing Explainer. What’s this pink water? The use of the name break was good. But that’s really about it. I gave the 10% buffer for a reason.

Mid low.

*~*~*

Rain Can't Make You Sick by Adam Vegas

Zero: drat. Good job.

I really actually liked this one. It’s simple both in word use and in what happens, and this is the first story where I could actually figure out what the fresh hells was going on instead of feeling lost. This one’s not bad. It tells a story of a place, interpreted the flash rule I threw out well, and the MC speaks simply without me feeling like there’s someone stumbling around with brain damage. But it didn’t show me someone happy about something other than the dog, so you can’t HM. Rules aren’t meant to be broken. Welcome to the Thunderdome. We punch babies in the eyes.

Mid. Not good not bad, just here.

*~*~*

Chapter One, Verse One by Djeser

Zero. Beautiful.

I flashed you unexpectedly (be careful, I’m quick with those peeps) and you did good with it, though it was just a quick line. The idea of the reason words are simple is because we’re listing them reminds me of my second favorite word fuckery, removing letters (lipograms). The part spelling out library made me actually grin, which I hadn’t done yet and given how bitter I was in a week where I had wanted to be happy, this made me happy. See everyone, was that hard? I’m pleased with this.

High. HM

*~*~*

How to Use the Doctor Machine by Antivehicular


< 1% non simple.

I really loved this one too. Thank all my gods, two stories in a two that gave me a sense of warm fuzzy. Yes, happiness was not as prominent in others, but I could feel the heart. The instructions make me think of a parent trying to explain to a child with cancer what’s wrong with them—trying to say, without scaring them, all while they’re scared for their children. The ending is really poignant in a way I hadn’t expected. The parentheses really hit me in the hard spots. The line “We tried to make life simple for you. We tried to make you simple”? Right in the feels. It’s a ruined world, but someone’s trying to make things good. I’ll give its due.

High. HM.

*~*~*

Paper Hearts by Ironic Twist

4% non simple.

So this town has the magical ability to make wishes come true from paper. But in a snotty genie way. Which is edging on cynical; you get what you want but it often ends poorly. The MC doesn’t seem to be joyful or happy wholly, more tied up in a wish gone wrong with a woman whose wish also went “wrong”. The happiness is manufactured. If there’s joy it’s fleeting and loose. Which leaves me a little unfulfilled. I did like that people did find a moment’s joy in their wishes, before they fell apart. And I like the Wanting posters. (I’d be scared to use one.) Given the cynical crap I was given earlier (and later), I want to HM it simply because even with these people being only thinly happy they're not like, making GBS threads on humanity en masse. So…

Sliding in the HMs.

*~*~*

Transmission from Artificial Crewman Victor-6 via Base Stalwart, Wolf 1061c by Nikaer Drekin

< 1% non simple.

“45 days since landing.” NEVER START A SENTENCE WITH NUMERALS I AM GOING TO FITE YOU AND WIN. Grammar wonk moment over. I didn’t spend five weeks handwriting my first ever essay in fourth grade twice to not get on someone’s rear end on this.

That nonsense out of the way, this started okay. I was ready to love the joy of a new planet. I like the reason the robot is using clipped words. I like the happiness of the explorers. Then you shat the bed. WTF THE ROBOT JUST KILLED EVERYONE BECAUSE OH NOES HUMANS RUIN EVERYTHING. AND THAT’S WHY HE’S HAPPY? nnh son. I’m not down for that aye-tall. Don’t ruin joy with murder. Are you people allergic to actual happy endings? Is that it? Does joy and happy endings give you people rashes?

gently caress’s sake.

low. DM.

*~*~*

they’ll see her out with the horses by Tyrannosaurus

1% non simple. Nice.

You know how to make me happy by saying “gently caress the po-po.” Also zebras. And black characters (from Africa like us? *chef kiss*) The struggle between getting the bread by turning Pretty Girl in and keeping Pretty Girl free is a good one. And I like the ending. This one is good and actually happy--And there’s a story! What do you know, someone happy who doesn’t have anyone die, be backass stupid so they really should be sad, or eat cynicism juice. It’s actually possible! Praise be to Potatoes.

High. Win unless I see anything better.

*~*~*

The Man Who Had Everything by Mr. Steak

Zero. Good job. Have a shiny nickel.

I know now that you were going for like a spiritual learning thing, but I spent this story trying to find out who’s happy. Tom wasn’t exactly happy at the start. The poor people weren’t exactly happy though they supported all around him. And at the end Tom’s wistful and educated but I’m not sure if the people are happy or just existing. Still, I’m not unhappy with you. Job. Good Job? Nah. Job.

Mid. Not high, not low, but you didn’t make me want to fite you.

*~*~*

Shelter by Hawklad

1% non simple.

Well, I can’t argue that your MC didn’t find something to make him happy. And the ending doesn’t suck. He goes from persecuted to joyful, and finds a place and a person to be happy with.

What ruined you? Firstly, I’m very side eyeing the whole “white man finds joy running away and living with simple brown folks” plot. Colonial narratives with More In Tune With The Earth Native People are sooooo not my thing. Secondly, you spend a lot of time setting up the runaway, getting to the village—and then smush slide past the time there like you suddenly realized “oh crap there’s a word limit gotta get these words done.” When that happens, cut everywhere, not just the end. But you didn’t’ poo poo all over your world or make me feel dumb, and I gotta give peace for that.

Mid.

*~*~*

Alone Together by Anomalous Amalgam

6% non simple.

So there’s a story in this, and it’s one I could see more of and yet don’t need to. It does just what it needs. And the happiness of finding long lost relatives. Down for that break followed by a reconnection. Susan and Jordan’s back and forth talking gives me something I love in a story of any length—quick transitions that don’t get caught up too hard in how time moves forward. Good use of the flash rule. Wistful more than happy. Given some of what I’ve seen, this is better than a lot.

Good. However, you just missed the HM once the judges convened. It be that way some weeks.

*~*~*

The Big Problem by Killer-of-Lawyers

Zero non-simple.

Oh. You did that to me.

You made a guy happy after a night off from constant skywatching but the one night he takes off, the world goes to poo poo and we’re all going to die and it’s going to be terrible. Really went with “happiness means go with rocks fall everyone dies.” I was starting to think the week was looking up and now I’m not. I’m’a fight you. Get off my screen.

DM.

*~*~*

Book It! then cheese it by crabrock

< 1% non simple.

oh man I’m having memories of book it and free things and you’ve hit me right in the nostalgia. I can be bribed. Also love homie gaming the system. Look, there’s nothing saying old folks can’t read for free pizza on this coupon. This man is actually happy. He’s actually goddamn happy. He got what he wanted, he earned it, and the words not ending and no one’s an idiot. Good job, we’re friends now, have a slice of pizza and don’t burn your mouth.

High, HM.

*~*~*

Call No Man Happy by Thranguy

Zero.

The story is the opposite of good job. Lemme get this straight. Her husband has lots of money, and he’s happy but she’s not and so something must be wrong. Then we’ve got some sort of detective private eye thing. He finds out why the guy’s happy, decides to bang the woman, and then bangs her husband in a different way and gets away with it because the guy had to be an rear end to have that money. I didn’t want subversion. You guys are allergic to human happiness. What’d I say about being bitter and cynical? Get out my house.

Hella DM.

*~*~*

Few Words by Fuschia tude
4%. Mmm.

So. Fame made him happy because he wrote a book, but then he’s not because people like him. The suicide thing was whack. Then someone shows up and tries to take his money but he screws up giving to them, and gets killed maybe but is happy to be killed for his gently caress up. Let me just start by saying no. And in this case No is a complete sentence. Again with the cynicism. Again with people who are unhappy to be happy. Y’all need to stop that. Your subversions on “make someone happy” are bitter like drinking ‘Tussin straight.

Low, DM.

*~*~*

BE EXCELLENT TO EACH OTHER WITHOUT SETTING THE HOUSE ON FIRE.

Nethilia fucked around with this message at 15:02 on May 29, 2019

Nethilia
Oct 17, 2012

Hullabalooza '96
Easily Depressed
Teenagers Edition


Put me in coach, I'll promise to try not to flop.

Nethilia
Oct 17, 2012

Hullabalooza '96
Easily Depressed
Teenagers Edition


Plus-One
[995]

https://thunderdome.cc/?story=7454&title=Plus-One

Nethilia fucked around with this message at 23:17 on Jan 2, 2020

Nethilia
Oct 17, 2012

Hullabalooza '96
Easily Depressed
Teenagers Edition


WEEK CCCLVII: You People (in Theory) Are So Dramatic
A one act near-monologue.

CAST:
Nethilia [Neth]:
Volunteer judge for the week. Tart but refreshing, she has a slightly snarky streak and a desire not to read crap this week. But we don’t always get what we want, do we?



Nethilia walks onto stage. She is dressed exceptionally casually—jeans, t-shirt, and sneakers—and holding a notebook in one hand and a Granny Smith apple that looks to have a bite out of it already in the other. As she approaches the center stage, she takes a bite out of the apple, chewing it thoroughly before speaking. She has a sour, almost annoyed look on her face.

Wow, we ask people to do a format that isn’t a story and they all fall over each other to show off how they're not really good at that.

I’m a three beat judge. It makes it simple for me to figure things out when I crit, judge, and fight. This week's three beats are as follows:

--Did you write a play? There is a distinct difference between script and prose. You can’t try and cram a story into a script like stuffing a wolf into a squirrel costume. We can all see what big ears you have. This means you can’t tell me what the characters are thinking. You can’t have long pauses. You can’t get in the heads of anyone to let me know what they think. You have words, and you have actions. If it’s not on the stage, it's not on the page.

--Did you do what you were told? That is, did you stick to ten minutes or so, two/three characters, one location, minimal requirements, and to a plot of something that could conceivably happen in reality? So no spaceships, no wizards, no ninja vs pirates unless these kids are being wildly imaginative. Could this be a thing that is in this reality? Here's the thing: It's been over two decades now but I took theatre in middle, high school and studied it in college. So I looked at everything through the lens of "can I pick this script up up, hand it to the actors, and not have to cast anyone else?" and "can I put this on with a low budget props department?"

--Is this an interesting play? Would I want to see this acted out on a stage? Can this capture my attention, or would I halfway through look at my smartphone repeatedly and find more interesting time killers on Twitter? Plays gotta fight for attention, and many times people pay in time or money to see them. Will I ask for a refund?

--Director’s notes: The rest of what I have to say. I read everything in judge mode, so you had to rise or fall on your words alone. All the world’s a stage and you’d better play it write.

Neth walks to the side of the stage. The curtain raises on the crits, while she sits in the "audience" slightly off to the side, still eating her apple.

*~*~*

A Shepherd Confronts Two Wolves

Plot: Two “wolves” in a super rich church are using the word of the Lord to make the bank. The head of said church is actually faithful. When confronted with the news of church restructuring, The wolves plot to remove the figurehead, and fail most righteously.

Did you write a play? Yes. This has all the beats of a short play with quick and dirty conflict.

Did you do what you were told? Yes. all in one room, very little in the way of props. Realistic scenario, with emotions all over the place.

Is this interesting? It is in its own way. I’d pay attention to this on stage, with good acting. There could be a lot of thumping and blustering, allowing for stretching those character chops.

--Director’s notes: Short and to the point. No extra characters, no complicated props, no random nonsense. You flashed for extra words and used it well. I’ll give it a high ranking. Good job, homie.

--Play level: College theater. Quite High.

*~*~*

Batman Died On My Birthday

Plot: Two parents are holding a birthday party for their son and have “Batman”—a character actor—come in to be entertainment. Before the kid can get there, “Batman” dies, leaving the two parents to deal with the unexpected.

Did you write a play? Yes you did. You even gave it structure. No brain hopping. The guy dying on stage suddenly turns a loose activity into a dark comedy.

Did you do what you were told? Yep. Well, I’m not sure about the life-changing secret you used to earn you the third guy. There’s a few too many props, but I can let it slide. You almost got me with the Batman thing.

Is this interesting? I’d probably start cackling when they came across the dead man and all that happened afterwards.

--Director’s notes: This would be hilarious acted out. Funny in a dark way.

--Play level: Improv comedy. Mid.

*~*~*

A Forest

Plot: A mom and her son go hunting for a stag in the forest; the mum needs to kill the stag on orders/a job, and the son is enjoying his last day with him mum before heading back to a dad he’s not cozy with..

Did you write a play? Yeah, you did. It’s a little vignette style play, which would be good for like, two high schoolers learning the basics of duologues. (A duologue is a monologue for two people. There, now everyone's learned a word about what they should have written.) This was what the week should be about. Gave me high hopes for the week which the rest of you destroyed.

Did you do what you were told? Very much so. No magic, no fantasy, no extra poo poo. Just a mom and son in the woods trying to kill a deer and deal with real problems with each other.

Is this interesting? Yes. It’s a character sketch. I could see myself sitting with this one as a audition piece.

--Director’s notes: It’s sort of missing some script formatting, but that’s minor given the fact that it works as a play, which many of these do not.

--Play level: High School/college play. Quite high.

*~*~*

The Golden Child

Plot: Two brothers, the Golden child and the Unfavorite, come together to discuss killing Mother, who has ruined their lives in different ways. But the tables turn…

Did you write a play? Yes.

Did you do what you were told? Yes. The stage would be cluttered, mind, with all the stuff on it. But if this were all set up beforehand, it would be lovely acted. A nice little up, down, and no messing about with backstory. Short, to the point, and does all it needs in ten minutes.

Is this interesting? Yep. The conflict between the brothers is tight and crisp and the twist is good.

--Director’s notes: “Mother” is a name. Capitalize as such. This line caught me for a moment: “Then I can piss on three graves instead of just one.” I can see two thirty somethings acting this one out to test their chops. Needs more polish, but not a bad piece.

--Play level: Aspirations to be a playhouse feature, but not quite there. Mid.

*~*~*

SPACEMAN JONES IS THE GREATEST

Plot: Two space people go to work, one dumps backstory, and that’s it.

Did you write a play? You took a department of backstory angst and tried to play it. Hat tip, bucko, no one cares what’s in a character’s head on stage. No one cares about pauses. No one cares what A or B are thinking. The audience can’t see the script data. All those long pauses and poo poo? Nope.

Did you do what you were told? No. What part of realistic poo poo did you miss? Future Space is not the realistic. Reading: not your strong suit.

Is this interesting? *eyeroll* This is just sad self wank. Slapping “space” on the front of poo poo doesn’t make it spacey anymore than slapping “rock” makes it prehistoric. You basically wrote a half rear end monologue that wasn’t on prompt the moment you started some space non-sense.

--Director’s notes: Writing them would be wasting my time and yours.

--Play level: Youtube poop. Low.

*~*~*

Night Shift!

Plot: Two people are working in a call center at night. They keep breaking into song. Their manager’s a bitch and their boss is suddenly dead—and everything is punctuated with a song.

Did you write a play? You wrote a musical. Which is a form of play. Half credit.

Did you do what you were told? Well, you got four characters, even if one’s dead, so on that alone I’d say no. Also we asked for a play, not a low budget musical.

Is this interesting? No. It’s random breaks out in song with very little happening in between. Also the “oh stealth dialed 911” turn was weak. Weak, I tell you.

--Director’s notes: Even the most sung-through musicals aren’t this jumpy. And I know sung through musicals. I’m looking at my phone in the theater here. You cannot cram a song in the middle of a ten-minute duologue, no matter what Steven Universe told you. You're not that good yet.

--Play level: Off Broadway musical. Like behind the alley of the Richard Rodgers and your audience is the cats from the ending run of Cats. Low.

*~*~*

Normal

Plot: Mom comes in to talk to her son about an event at school, and has to question in the process about what normal really means.

Did you write a play?: You wrote a character exploration. Which is a form of play.

Did you do what you were told? Yes. Few props, few characters, nothing unrealistic.

Is this interesting? It’s….got things happening. But it doesn't do much with it. Mom finds out son’s gay, has a side stage crisis of faith, and then she and her son talk more. That’s about it.

--Director’s notes: This play isn’t as interesting as you were hoping it to be. It’s an event that I’ve seen too many times—my child is gay, this is about my feels and not theirs. Even with the sudden monologue. In fact, that ruins it for me—duologues are about back and forth, not sudden side talks.

--Play level: High school duologue in Theatre class. Middling.

*~*~*

The Arid Heart

Plot: I have no idea what the gently caress is going on here. Dancing? Hospital? Vacuums? What in the…?

Did you write a play? In the same way that throwing toothpicks on the floor makes a woodpile.

Did you do what you were told? Three locations. Nope. Did you flash for that third character? I’m on judgemode and I don’t see it. So nope. Read the drat rules. This would not be ten minutes.

Is this interesting? Confusing is not interesting. I want my money back.
(Director: You didn’t pay, Neth.
Neth: I said what I said.)

--Director’s notes: Hit. Enter. After. Every Line. You are not the egg. Please stop pouring things on you.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mCNg--a1m8E

--Play level: Off kilter beatnik interpretive dance in a dank coffee house. Low.

*~*~*

Death & Honor

Plot: A 200 year old queen is dying in a forest with a knight ???? Because war??

Did you write a play? You wrote fantasy book dialogue in a script. You even used quotation marks. In a play script. What Big Eyes you have, Grandma.

Did you do what you were told? Fantasy. So no.

Is this interesting? *yawns, checks Twitter* It’s a chunk of two people talking about fantasy crap with too much department of backstory. I am not interested in the least in this.

--Director’s notes: Plays don’t have quotation marks. That alone shows you had no idea what you were doing.

--Play level: And this is why Lord of the Rings can never be filmed. So Low, and I don't mean monologue.

*~*~*

Green-Eyed

Plot: A couple at dinner won’t talk to each other about their problems over food.

Did you write a play? You wrote a movie scene. Plays have three walls and only as many people and props as can fit on the stage.

Did you do what you were told? Extras count as characters, so you’re over count.

Is this interesting? Not by a furlong. It’s just two people together in a space, not doing anything but talking around and sometimes to each other. Which in a duologue means nothing is happening.

--Director’s notes: Writing a movie script is not writing a play. Plays have specific narrow definitions that don’t translate to movies. You wrote a movie scene here.

--Play level: Character scene at the start of what will surly be a boring movie.

*~*~*

(Disqualified) A Week After the Ball

Plot: Oh god you wrote Cinderella on the other side. I eat and poo poo fairy tales folk, you think I wouldn’t know this one like the back of my golden slipper stuck in pitch on the stairs?

Did you write a play? This is the only good thing I can say about it. It’s play like.

Did you do what you were told? Fairy tales, contrary to what I’d like, aren’t real, so no?

Is this interesting? It’s a side story to a fairy tale with added bitter snark and no real ending. Y’all should know by now how I, the person who likes fairy tales, feel about bitter deconstructions of them.

--Director’s notes: Look, if you’re going to write the play equivalent of fic, at least make it as good as Snow White and the Seven Dwarves of the Black Forest. That has bunnies in it.

--Play level: Middle school play. I’m only here because my kid is playing a tree in the next set and this way I don’t have to pick him up later.

Nethilia
Oct 17, 2012

Hullabalooza '96
Easily Depressed
Teenagers Edition


crawling out of the stress dungeons to get in

Nethilia
Oct 17, 2012

Hullabalooza '96
Easily Depressed
Teenagers Edition


They’ll Drag You Into the Shadows, If You Don’t Know How to Scream
[1490]

https://thunderdome.cc/?story=7524&title=They%E2%80%99ll+Drag+You+Into+the+Shadows%2C+If+You+Don%E2%80%99t+Know+How+to+Scream

Nethilia fucked around with this message at 23:18 on Jan 2, 2020

Nethilia
Oct 17, 2012

Hullabalooza '96
Easily Depressed
Teenagers Edition


in with a classic:

Nethilia
Oct 17, 2012

Hullabalooza '96
Easily Depressed
Teenagers Edition


All in The Family Business
[1468]

https://thunderdome.cc/?story=7713&title=All+in+The+Family+Business

Nethilia fucked around with this message at 23:18 on Jan 2, 2020

Nethilia
Oct 17, 2012

Hullabalooza '96
Easily Depressed
Teenagers Edition


In.

Books.
(Not writing. Not paper. Not stories. Just literal paper and board, multipaged, rectangular books.)

Nethilia
Oct 17, 2012

Hullabalooza '96
Easily Depressed
Teenagers Edition


The Ones They Sent Away
[1294]

https://thunderdome.cc/?story=7818&title=The+Ones+They+Sent+Away

Nethilia fucked around with this message at 23:19 on Jan 2, 2020

Nethilia
Oct 17, 2012

Hullabalooza '96
Easily Depressed
Teenagers Edition


I don't know how to quit you, TD.

in.

Nethilia
Oct 17, 2012

Hullabalooza '96
Easily Depressed
Teenagers Edition


There are people in this world who face my perky, positive bullshit and you guys are some of those people. I adore y'all.

:sparkles: :sparkles: :sparkles: :sparkles: :sparkles:

(p.s. p n dubya side rulez)

Adbot
ADBOT LOVES YOU

Nethilia
Oct 17, 2012

Hullabalooza '96
Easily Depressed
Teenagers Edition


Perfect Hurts
[1444]

https://thunderdome.cc/?story=7886&title=Perfect+Hurts

Nethilia fucked around with this message at 23:19 on Jan 2, 2020

  • 1
  • 2
  • 3
  • 4
  • 5
  • Post
  • Reply