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WhoopieCat
Sep 15, 2018

THUNDERDOME LOSER 2019
...

WhoopieCat fucked around with this message at 09:08 on May 24, 2019

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WhoopieCat
Sep 15, 2018

THUNDERDOME LOSER 2019
In, please.

WhoopieCat
Sep 15, 2018

THUNDERDOME LOSER 2019
removed per publisher submission requirements

WhoopieCat fucked around with this message at 08:29 on Jun 4, 2019

WhoopieCat
Sep 15, 2018

THUNDERDOME LOSER 2019
Interprompt: Write a story where a color is prominent.

WhoopieCat
Sep 15, 2018

THUNDERDOME LOSER 2019
In.

WhoopieCat
Sep 15, 2018

THUNDERDOME LOSER 2019
Here are my non-judge thoughts:

Life is Good - A woman is isolated in her privileged bubble, unaware of the storm clouds gathering all around her. That is an interesting story situation but it stops there, as more of a vignette, which is the problem I had with it.

Instead of a laundry list of situations on the dark side of her world that she doesn’t know about, story movement and illumination of a real life issue could be shown by her, for example, discovering the truth of one of the situations. Or a few of these dark clouds hitting her one after the other, and her realizing her life is not what she thought it was. Or, we could be shown that she actually is aware of the problems but blocks them out as a coping strategy or deliberate way to be able to keep her comfortable lifestyle.

Also, it would pull me in more if this was shown with some dialogue or interaction with other character/s.

Less than half the allowed word count was used, so there was room to develop the story idea more fully.


Don’t Drink the Pink Water – Someone gave our MC some kind of pink water to drink, which somehow gave him brain damage. He ended up killing the alleged friends who did this to him, then made new friends. I kind of enjoyed reading this but it seemed more a chain of events, this happened, then that happened, then this happened, without that deeper “something” needed for it to have the feel of a full story. But someone said it was from D n D which I don’t play, so it’s possible I’m just the wrong audience for it.


Rain Can’t Make You Sick – Here’s another one that I kind of enjoyed reading but didn’t quite get the point of. Some kind of toxic, non-ending rain drove everyone away except for our MC and his dog, and they dealt with the situation the best they could, the end. I think it needs something more than just a chain of events, a conclusion that comes about because of the actions of the MC, beyond just surviving whatever was tossed at him.


Chapter One, Verse One – This one didn’t hold my attention very well because it didn’t make any sense to me. I didn’t see any explanation of why or how people would lose their ability to speak, the printing in books, the words on their computer screens, etc., so it simply wasn’t believable. While suspension of disbelief is necessary with fantasy/science fiction, it still needs some kind of rationale, something that readers are able to buy into. For me, at least, that wasn’t present.


How to Use the Doctor Machine – This included a tough extra prompt but still could have been far more satisfying to me if it all added up to more than what mostly seemed like a piece of world-building. The complicated medical device was rather interesting but, for me, not interesting enough to substitute for story.


Paper Hearts – I loved this weirdness, though I felt like it could have been tighter. It kind of wandered in places and had some parts I didn’t think added to it.

“Wanting” could have just stayed “Wanted.” I think that would have been less confusing and saved the need for explanations.

I didn’t get why Miss Parallel was so ecstatic about getting her giant paper man when after all, he did instantly fall to ribbons. (And I didn’t like her name; “Parallel” as a name just confused me).

And, I didn’t like the name “Crane.” It also confused me because I couldn’t figure out if he was supposed to be a paper crane or what.

I loved the images of someone walking a paper dog, and Neva’s paper heart.

I got lost in a few places and had to read it over a few times. I suggest, if possible, having someone read his out loud to you to see if you or they find anything that could be neatened up so the reader can more easily slip into the story. Definitely worth it because this is a very original take on "the human condition."


Transmission from Artificial Crewman Victor-6 via Base Stalwart, Wolf 1061 c - This would have drawn me in better if it showed something going on in a current scene rather than telling in the form of a letter. As is, it read more like a summary or review of a long story that had already taken place, and my attention wandered.

To be fair though, I’m not much of a fan of science fiction anyway so that likely figures in as well.


They’ll See Her Out with the Horses – Nice little story here, through the eyes of a child. A mistreated zebra escapes from a circus and ends up on a farm with a black horse and a white horse.

A few things I thought could have been done better:

First, for the most part, it seemed to me more like a children’s story, but that’s not necessarily a bad thing, I guess.

I didn’t understand the statements that it was getting even with the cops to keep the zebra. No, it wasn’t because the zebra didn’t belong to the cops. Maybe that idea would be better shown if the cops came around questioning them and the father got a kick out of hiding the zebra from them, due to their past mistreatment of him.

I think it would have come across better to just stick with the idea of rescuing an abused animal as the higher moral ground even though it was not legal.

I didn’t think all the use of the word “gently caress” added anything here. If anything, it made them seem to not really adhere to religious teachings as stated. I also thought the ending was a little too easily wrapped up.

But aside from that, it was an enjoyable read.

WhoopieCat fucked around with this message at 02:11 on May 30, 2019

WhoopieCat
Sep 15, 2018

THUNDERDOME LOSER 2019
Here are more of my non-judge thoughts:


The Man Who Had Everything- In this fable-like story, our MC gets an inkling that there’s more to life than being isolated with his great wealth so he descends (figuratively and literally) to check out the commoners. He saw that they were dirt poor but fully engaged with life. Then he wandered into a hospital (?) full of sick commoners. He then had a big revelation that he could never return to his rich yet barren life.

I thought this was too on the nose. It would be more effective if done more subtly.


Shelter – An indentured servant strives for the happiness of freedom, though the journey is treacherous. He’s bitten by an alligator/crocodile then rescued by an indigenous girl. They fall in love and he’s found his happiness.

It was okay but having the MC instantly saved by falling in love is a bit of a trite ending.


Alone Together - Some of the lines here didn’t make sense to me.

“It was only upon learning that her mother was survived by a son that she regained any hope. Mostly, she learned she had a brother.” Why “mostly?”

‘Why did you put me up for adoption? I was just a baby.’ Well yes, that’s generally when it’s done, yes?

I also wondered why she’d take a whole week off work and travel to find her brother. It seems far more logical to have someone call him (since she has speech problems) or send an email or letter first. That might make more sense to me if she'd tried to contact him in the easier ways first but he refused to answer.

But more importantly, it did hold my interest all the way though, which is the main thing by far.

I was glad when the brother changed his mind and showed up at her hotel room. The ending was a little too neat and sweet but overall, I enjoyed it.


The Big Problem – Jake is an astronomer or something along those lines. He showed enough signs of being overly stressed that his co-workers got together and made him take some time off, even though he didn’t want to. In his absence, a big meteor or something crashed into Earth.

First, I think it’s hard to compete with 1,000 word stories with a story that’s only a third that length. Also, I found the ending a bit unsatisfying since the conclusion came out of nowhere rather than growing logically from the events in the story.


Book It! Then Cheese It! – Not sure a grown man demanding a pizza for completing his summer reading is really enough story for nearly 1,000 words, but it was kind of funny. This is another one that I think might also work as a children’s story.


Call No Man Happy- Here we have a happy hit man. But to me, it seems too much just kind of plodding through the expected steps in such a situation without much emotion. Also, some of the dialogue lines, thoughts etc. don’t seem to really line up tightly with what's going on in the story. An unexpected twist of some type would probably jazz it up.


Few Words – Will became famous and in demand for a book he wrote, but Will was not right in the head. He didn’t like fans bothering him but just wanted to be left alone. He was kidnapped, for his money, but he tricked them and they didn’t get it.

The problem I had with this is it seemed like two separate stories to me. The original story problem, Will wanting to be left alone, seemed kind of dropped in the middle in favor of the new story problem of Will being kidnapped. It felt disjointed. I think it would work better to pick one issue or the other to stick with to the conclusion.

WhoopieCat fucked around with this message at 02:01 on May 30, 2019

WhoopieCat
Sep 15, 2018

THUNDERDOME LOSER 2019
removed per publisher submission requirements

WhoopieCat fucked around with this message at 08:27 on Jun 4, 2019

WhoopieCat
Sep 15, 2018

THUNDERDOME LOSER 2019
...

WhoopieCat fucked around with this message at 09:39 on Jun 13, 2019

WhoopieCat
Sep 15, 2018

THUNDERDOME LOSER 2019
In.

WhoopieCat
Sep 15, 2018

THUNDERDOME LOSER 2019
Removed per publisher submission requirements.

WhoopieCat fucked around with this message at 02:27 on Jun 26, 2019

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WhoopieCat
Sep 15, 2018

THUNDERDOME LOSER 2019
Interprompt: Pick something (anything) you read in someone else's story this week and use it as a springboard for a story of your own. It can be any length, but state which story you got your idea from.

WhoopieCat fucked around with this message at 21:34 on Jun 17, 2019

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