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JUDGEMENT TIME This was quite the small week, which in and of itself is a blessing and a curse. There were some really good stories that shot themselves in the foot by ignoring prompts, and a couple of failures that have wounded me deeply *cough*sebmojo**cough*flesnolk*. I’ll first start off with our DM. Tibalt. Like my fellow judge said, Tucker Max/PUA flim flam. Also, the plot goes through the story, not at the end as a surprise. My HM! Steeltoedsneakers! That story resonated with me as something that would probably happen to my stupid rear end. Aaaaand our loser iiiiiiiiis Shotaro. This was quite a mess. And you named someone Sssst. Freaking why? This leaves our winner! Barnaby motherfucking Profane! You get me. You GET me. You used, not two, not three, but four cameos. You went all in and you judge pandered like a motherfucking pro. The throne is all yours man. Mercedes fucked around with this message at 01:10 on Nov 5, 2019 |
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Nov 5, 2019 01:03
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Notes as I read. If you want a more detailed crit, please let me know and I'll provide one for you. Mother of Murders Opening was very scenic with great words. I’m interested to read on. The crows all talking was creepy. Well done. Also the eyeballs were very ew. The story took awhile to get started, but your tone setting was enough to keep my attention. Though well written, and would be scored high any other week, two massive problems come to the forefront. I don’t see any crows with teeth and at the end, everything went right for Signe; well besides getting torn into by a pack of hungry birds, but she got what she wished for. I felt you kinda ignored my prompts and that makes me sad and dissapointed. Like a disproving mother. Memorial Okay, opener is interesting. Lots of burnings. “I’m only crying because I feel like I have to.” Holy poo poo I understand how that feels. *Resonating*. I like how you’re slowly drip feeding information about the father, but you’re slowly losing me here. Not a whole lot happening. The story is definitely a slow burn, and the ending is satisfying. I also really like how you incorporated your rule. It also seems that everything went right for the family. ½ rule beats completed I guess. Story isn’t bad, just not my cup of tea. Someday Never Comes YES! Finally this is the kind of opening I want. Give me the wacky poo poo, you got my attention. But second person story telling? Can’t have everything you want I guess. Okay, I take it back, you’re making that second person story telling work and I’m digging it. This story was awesome. I had a grin the entire time I was reading it. Knocked both rules out of the park. This is the kind of stuff I can see myself writing. Pandering rating 10/10, would ask to pander again. Dangerous Streets Not the most interesting of openers to be honest. The only thing that caught my attention is that the MC is a cat. But just barely. You’re gonna have an upward battle here. You almost completely lost me until the cat’s thoughts. I can totally see cats internally monologuing like this. -meowed- Ooof.. changing MC in flash fiction? I barely tolerate it in novels. You don’t have enough time to get me to care about this new main character. Also, how did he reach the roof? And we’re back to MC number 1. Second MC is dead. You at least nailed one part of your prompt. You would have nailed your personal prompt if you had the entire story from the perspective of the second cat. As it is, nothing went wrong for cat 1 since she didn’t even like the second cat. She was tossed out, but went back home after seeing dead cat. Sooo… South-ish of Heaven OMFG you went all in and I LOVE IT. I’m only in paragraph one gently caress yea. Please don’t gently caress it up for me! Oh no! Xavier went to the dark side! That bastard. Dude. DUDE. Some other story needs to be ridiculously on loving point to beat this entry and I’m barely to the middle. Also Nadia <3. Nadia no!!! *slow clap* This is perfection. Exactly what I wanted to come out of this week. Had I not had the job to read the other entries, I would have crowned this the winner and everyone else got DMs. No One Ever Believed the True Story That’s how you loving start a story. Let’s keep it going. I like the energy this story has so far, but I don’t know who warhol, jones or head look like and I don’t know what CBT stands for. So I’m at the part where the dude’s in the bathroom and I’m finding myself spacing out. I can appreciate the slapstick (hah) but you’re gonna have to start the plot sometime. I’m also finding myself having to reread sections over and over again to understand that is going and that killed the pacing for me. Ah, so it was a story he was telling a judge. This kinda started out strong, but could have stayed strong had you started with him in a courtroom with the judge and then he went all Micheal Pena from Ant Man. The plot should not be a surprise. You also tiptoed the line of of sexual grossness. Sweet Chili Heat LMAO the opening is great. I was gonna scroll up to see what prompt I gave you, but there it is. Excellent! Dude, your comedy is on point! I’m loving this so far. I’ll be honest with you. This was great. I forgot to write notes as I was reading cause I was enraptured. I wanna read more comedy stuff from you, you got the talent for it man! So far, you hit your prompts the hardest out of all the entries so far. There are a few tense shifts, but I always have issues with those and I didn't catch them on the first pass. Umlaut Woof, bruh, you’re borderline run on sentencing there in the first paragraph. And you’re going second person narrative too. What’s the umlaut? What’s sonicnerve?? Who am I? You’re introducing a lot of questions this early on man. Omfg, the exposition is making really want to skip this. I don’t understand the point to this story or why anything happened. Just a string of events happened, some random names and then the story ended. Nothing about too long toenails that I could find. (I found it, but had to have it explained to me, still felt eh about the whole thing.) Watch Party Not the strongest opening. Someone says a name, and then you introduce two other names back to back to back. If Mark was in the same room as Christy, maybe introduce her a little later. Too many characters too fast. Wait, wtf is Ssst? How many people are in the room? Jesus. What the hell just happened? Why did Diane want money from Mark? What did the sports teams have anything to do with this story? Sign-on Bonus Hahaha you chose Kana the senior barista! She’s not a recurring character, but I’ve definitely used the name multiple times. The story is dragging a bit. You gotta get the plot in there sooner. I still don’t know what’s going on. Okay, now that the plot is rolling, I feel you could have easily cut most of the first part of the story. As sebmojo would call it, wiffle piffle. I really wish you cut the beginning, cause it really killed the potential to be scored higher. I like how you twisted your prompt meaning “trusting a fart” as in a literal Fart demon. Clever! Things didn’t go wrong though. It slid right into place with the MC. ½ prompts, good use of a cameo. I am Weary, Let Me Rest Not the most exciting of openers, but written well and Bob is already endearing. Oh Bob, I can relate to how I feel about my alarm clock. I also love how all these fantasy setting characters have regular names. This is quite a fabulous read; well crafted honestly. My only complaint is that the catastrophic wrongs don’t happen TO Bob. For him, everything goes swimmingly (besides getting woke up)
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Nov 5, 2019 01:08
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SH, my dearest friend. My confidant. Dare I say, my soul mate (sorry mojo). Make me the happiest man alive? Die. 
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Dec 24, 2019 22:32
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Writing is difficult because children, but I still cherish you terrible people and I'm glad to be a part of this community. And because I work Friday through Sunday, I have a very tight procrastination window. Also I'm insanely jealous Sitting Here got to meet sebmojo. I want to pinch his tight butt cheeks.
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Dec 26, 2019 00:27
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