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Tyrannosaurus
Apr 12, 2006
Records post may go here.

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Tyrannosaurus
Apr 12, 2006
In hmu

Tyrannosaurus
Apr 12, 2006

I'm sorry. I wasn't clear with my intentions. I would also like a bonus please.

Tyrannosaurus
Apr 12, 2006

sebmojo posted:

I am disappointed that no-one is willing to chance a hellrule, but I suppose there's no particular shame in being worthless.

hmu fam

Tyrannosaurus
Apr 12, 2006
uhhhhh where the gently caress is the prompt

Tyrannosaurus
Apr 12, 2006
slow judging worst judging

Tyrannosaurus
Apr 12, 2006
In with a flash please

Tyrannosaurus
Apr 12, 2006
what madness are mountains to an imprisoned moon?
1500 words

Tyrannosaurus fucked around with this message at 09:34 on Jan 4, 2020

Tyrannosaurus
Apr 12, 2006
should have been 10000 min imho

Tyrannosaurus
Apr 12, 2006
Well, I don’t know about you but I’m in the middle of a polar vortex. There is snow everywhere and it’s brutally cold and I don’t know how long I’ll have heat or water but… I don’t have to go to work! And the snow is really pretty! Everything kinda feels like Christmas! So let’s just go ahead and pretend it’s a proper holiday and get inspired by the greatest holiday movie of all time!



The lessons we can learn from off-duty New York policeman John McClane’s fight against Hans Gruber’s highly organized band of criminals who are pretending to be terrorists so as to mask their true intentions of stealing millions in bearer bonds from a Los Angeles skyscraper during an employee Christmas party are positively timeless. It is a great film, one of the greatest films in fact, and I want you to write great stories so let's try and tap into some of that greatness, shall we?

There are gonna be three Big Rules for your stories this week. You'll need to fulfill all three if you want to win so pay close attention!

The first Big Rule is Christmas. Your story must be set during the season of Christmas. Does it have to be particularly relevant? No. Can it be? Sure. Does it need to be there? Ab-so-lutely. We’ve all seen Die Hard. This shouldn’t be difficult. And it’s making me laugh as a concept so go with it.

The second Big Rule of the week is Randomly Generated Netflix Genre. I will assign you a genre. Your story must be written in your assigned genre. Die Hard isn't on Netflix. I didn’t know this when I was looking for it last night which means I scrolled through a lot of goofy-rear end genre suggestions while looking for something equivalently great (impossible, I know, I know). Now, of course, I didn't write anything down so I'll mostly be winging these assignments. And by “winging” I mean these probably aren't real genres, I’m probably mashing things together on the fly, and they’re probably gonna be weird but they should be a lot of fun. It'll be fun. I'll have fun. If somehow you don't appreciate my absolute genius the first time around I… I guess you can :toxx: and get a second option... if you’re cool with it lowering my opinion of you. Or you can just toxx right away and start off with two to genres to pick between. Whatever, man. Nothing matters and we're all going to die! Happy Holidays!

Now, if this isn’t complicated enough yet and you would like a challenge, consider upgrading to Super Cool Max Extra Holiday Jolly Mode! No extra words for doing this. No extra consideration from your judges. No going hardcore if you’ve already signed up and received a normal genre. No getting seconds by toxxing either because bravery doesn’t come with second chances. All you get is 1) a genre that'll be bizarre as gently caress and wild as hell and 2) an opportunity to impress me. That should be enough for you as long as you’re not a coward.

The third and final Big Rule of this week is Have Fun. This is mandatory.

Be creative. Be wild. Write good words. But don’t write more than 1600 words. That’s your limit. Deadline to sign up is Friday at midnight est. Deadline to submit is Sunday at midnight est.

Tyrannosaurus fucked around with this message at 16:43 on Jan 29, 2019

Tyrannosaurus
Apr 12, 2006
Judges
Me

Writers
Antivehicular
Cascade Beta :toxx:
Obliterati :toxx:
Pham Nuwen
Flerp
QuoProQuid :toxx:
saladscooper
M. Propagandalf
Chairchucker
cptn_dr :toxx:
QM Haversham
GenJoe :toxx:
selaphiel
apophenium

Brave Writers!
Sham bam bamina!
ThirdEmperor
Flesnolk
Thranguy
Saucy_Rodent
Captain_Person
Devorum
Yoruichi
Entenzahn :toxx:
onsetOutsider :toxx:
sebmojo
Mercedes
SlipUp
Rad-daddio

Tyrannosaurus fucked around with this message at 06:26 on Feb 4, 2019

Tyrannosaurus
Apr 12, 2006

Great! Your story needs to be a Nostalgic Deep Sea Feel-Good Slasher!

Sham bam bamina! posted:

Sure. Jolly Mode.

Oh boy! I'm so excited I can't stand it! You'll be giving me a Super Cool Max Extra Holiday Jolly Psychological Creature Feature Secret Society Period Piece About Parenthood!

CascadeBeta posted:

I will force myself to submit even if it costs me 1,000 dollars. In, :toxx: me up.

I like your style! I bet I'll like your writing even more! You can choose between Emotional Filipino Car Chase or Satanic Sci-Fi From the 1990s!

Obliterati posted:

In, and due both to my horrendous submission record and YOLO, :toxx:

Don't worry! I'm sure you'll do fantastic with either a Gritty Love Triangle Set in Latin America or some good old fashioned Viral Plague Police-Corruption!



:siren: Don't forget to set it during Christmas, everybody! :siren:

Tyrannosaurus fucked around with this message at 17:14 on Jan 29, 2019

Tyrannosaurus
Apr 12, 2006

ThirdEmperor posted:

Jolly Mode me.

Wow oh wow! Another person for a Super Cool Max Extra Holiday Jolly Genre! I would love to read-- and you will provide me with-- a Goofy Cerebral Hit-Man Drama From the 1910s About Cats!


Wonderful! You'll be contributing to that well-known, very popular genre of Underdog Mad-Scientist Prison Stories!

Tyrannosaurus
Apr 12, 2006

Flesnolk posted:

Jolly mode

I know I'm the one giving out the Super Cool Max Extra Holiday Jolly Genres but you writing me an Absurd Visually Striking Italian Wilderness-Survival Drama about Gambling would be the real present!

Tyrannosaurus
Apr 12, 2006

Fabulous! I can't wait to see your addition to the highly regarded genre of Feel-Good Alien Conspiracies!


Lovely to see you! I know it will be hard to pick one but please choose between Raunchy Teen Environmental Disaster and Vigilante Showbiz!

Thranguy posted:

Jolly mode.

How exciting! Let's keep the Super Cool Max Extra Holiday Jolly Fun going with a little Southeast Asian Magical Coming-of-Age Sci-Fi About Best Friends With a Strong Female Lead!


Yes! Another Super Cool Max Extra Holiday Jolly Sign Up? I can't believe it! I am thrilled to see the wondrous work you'll do with Rogue-Cop Mexican Post-Apocalyptic Zombie Fantasy for Ages 8-10.


Splendid! Some people don't like them (or "get" them) but I know you and I have always been suckers for Quirky Spiritual Period Pieces!


Marvelous! I can't think of anyone better to write another Supernatural Chinese Looking-for-Love Story

Devorum posted:

In. Upgrade me to Jolly Max Mode.

This is like seeing fireworks! Your Super Cool Max Extra Holiday Jolly Story will be a Trippy Coming-of-Age Wilderness-Survival Road Trip Set in Africa Set in the Future!


Excellent! You'll be the newest writer to create a Jewish Werewolf Drama from the 1930s!

Yoruichi posted:

In

Jolly super awesome max mode

Close enough for me! Super Cool Max Extra Holiday Jolly Mode activated! Bring your best and find success in the genre of LGBTQ Focused French Race Against Time Thrillers About Royalty Cults

Chairchucker posted:

Good prompt, in.

Outstanding to have you! I'd trust no one to do it better when it comes to Campy Gory Girl Power!

Tyrannosaurus
Apr 12, 2006

Entenzahn posted:

I'm in with Super Cool Max Extra Holiday Jolly Mode
:toxx: because I failed last time, I don't want a second option

Brave and honorable! It's my absolute pleasure to present you with your Super Cool Max Extra Holiday Jolly Genre of Uplifting Teen Scream Haunted House First Love Romance Set in Victorian England!

cptn_dr posted:

In, with a :toxx: for failing last time/to prevent failing this time. Not after another option, I'm just trying to berate myself into success.

You are also honorable but you didn't go hardcore so maybe not brave but I still appreciate you and what you are doing! Write hard, my friend! Write beautiful words of Suburban Gangster Family-Dysfunction Dramas!

onsetOutsider posted:

Because I am ashamed of my failure last week, I’m in with JOLLY MODE and a :toxx: (i know this wont give me another option)

You are both brave and honorable! I know you could do any Super Cool Max Extra Holiday Jolly Genre with grace and skill but I believe you'll really shine with in the world of Serial Killer Monster Buddy Cop Documentaries about Fame

Saucy_Rodent posted:

gently caress me. Like, I'll do it, but gently caress me.

Hugs! Believe in yourself! You'll do great!


:siren: Don't forget to set it during Christmas, everybody! :siren:

Tyrannosaurus
Apr 12, 2006

QM Haversham posted:

Heck yeah I'm in. Gimme dem genres.

Heck yeah you are! And I bet you'll do something amazing writing me an Award-Winning Evil Kid Comedy!

sebmojo posted:

in, happy joymax

Great to see you here! I just flipped my Super Cool Max Extra Holiday Jolly Switch and it gave me the most positively perfect suggestion for you to write: Inspiring Sci-Fi Based on Books About Horses For Hopeless Romantics!

Mercedes posted:

It's loving Antarctica up here in Michigan you fucks! JOLLY ME GODDAMNIT!

My main man in Michi-gan! Stay warm with this toasty Super Cool Max Extra Holiday Jolly Fireplace of Gay & Lesbian Detective Werewolf Modern-Day-Westerns!

SlipUp posted:

in happy happy joy me DO IT JUST DO IT

VIVA LA REVOLUTION

Terrific! I know you'll have some Super Cool Max Extra Holiday Jolly Fun adding to canon of Forbidden Love Immigrant-Life Space-Travel for Young Adults!

Rad-daddio posted:

In, and please give me the jolly upgrade.

Just gently caress me up.

Can do! Your Super Cool Max Extra Holiday Jolly Genre is British Bollywood Road Trip Fairy Tales Set in the 1960s!

Tyrannosaurus
Apr 12, 2006

GenJoe posted:

It's been a while. Count me In w/ a :toxx: for good measure

Welcome back! You can choose between writing a Quirky Small Town Slasher or a Coming of Age Hitman Musical!

Tyrannosaurus
Apr 12, 2006

selaphiel posted:

Intrigued by this concept. In.

Superb! I hope you do something really special writing a Great Depression Bounty-Hunter Fairy Tale!

Tyrannosaurus
Apr 12, 2006

Exclamation! Positive upbeat fun fun sentence assignment: Opposites Attract Vigilante Romance!

Tyrannosaurus
Apr 12, 2006


:siren: Less than an hour remains to get into the holiday spirit!!! :siren:

Tyrannosaurus
Apr 12, 2006
oookay sign ups are closed

Tyrannosaurus
Apr 12, 2006
okaaay children everybody go to bed or else santa won't come!

Tyrannosaurus
Apr 12, 2006
okay i'll count those too because it is in the spirit of Christmas but now submissions are officially closed for real this time

Tyrannosaurus
Apr 12, 2006

Djeser posted:

Wow! With everyone so eager to brawl and judge brawls, this week's judge slots must be all filled up by now!

Tyrannosaurus
Apr 12, 2006
heeeeeeeere comes judgement

Tyrannosaurus
Apr 12, 2006
I like making fun prompt posts. Judgement posts aren't as exciting so this will be quick. Good week overall! I hope everyone had fun because it was mandatory. If you didn't have fun please let me know so I can disqualify your entry. I'm very serious about this.

Antivehicular wins for writing a great story. Pham Nuwen hms for writing a good story. Selaphiel forgot to write about Christmas which was... surprising and super dumb so they are disqualified even if they had a lot of fun. Sorry, Selaphiel. Write about Christmas next time, you yuletide idiot. Saladscooper is this weeks loser.

Oh, Saucy_Rodent also receives an honorable mention.

Thanks everybody! Happy holiday!

Tyrannosaurus
Apr 12, 2006
:siren: C H R I S T M A S :siren: C R I T S :siren:

(part 1)

1. Saucy_Rodent
Well, gently caress me, I loving loved this poo poo. You wrote me some utter goddamn lunacy and I laughed the entire goddamn time I read it. Then I read it a second time and I laughed even harder. Bold. Risky, but I dig it. You could have eaten a dm or a loss for “bad writing” or whatever but I see your intentional comedic genius and I raise my glass to it. Big Rule #3 was have fun. Clearly, you did. Thank you. The only joke I really think you missed was “We'll never have our lov--I mean friendship...” Just a hair too much. You’ve already nailed it subtly just a few lines before. Instead say “We’ll never have our friendship” or something. Other than that, great work.

2. selaphiel
As a judge philosophy, I like to assume the best in story submissions. I’ve always hated receiving a crit that was basically just “lol u didnt follow the prompt” and nothing more -- especially when I was trying to something fun or clever and the judge was just a big dumb dummy who couldn’t see how smart I thought I was. With all that being said… I think you didn’t follow the prompt... I mean, for the life of me, I can’t see how this is set during Christmas time. And that’s a third of how I’m doing my judging. So that sucks.

Anyway.

“Kill their girl, just like they killed mine. Do the deed and your pack will survive this season yet, Wolf.” Imho, this is where you should have started your story. This is a good line. It gives me an immediate sense of urgency. It gives me conflict. It gives me characterization. It gives me a reason to be interested in seeing what happens next. It’s a really good hook. Everything prior to this line is just… set dressing. Descriptive but nothing more. You are writing flash fiction. You have a limited word count. Get to the meat of your story. And then tell it. But don’t waste half your words setting up what’s interesting. And don’t give me an “overview” of things that happened. That a good story does not make.

3. Yoruichi
I like what you did here. You tell a simple story in a fantastical setting and neither takes from the other. Everything blends together in quite a lovely way. And it feels very on prompt for a Die Hard prompt. I actually forgot what your genre assignment was until after I finished reading and when I went back I laughed out loud because drat what else could it have been? Very nice.

4. saladscooper
Here’s my short crit: I like what you were trying to do but not what you actually did.

Long crit: Nina is an unsympathetic character and that kills pretty much everything from the get go. Because the only other character you give me is this really irritating, transphobic, verbally abusive rear end in a top hat of a grandfather. Of course, you don’t really give me much on why he is an rear end in a top hat. I collect that from the dialogue. You don’t give me much at all, to be honest. You don’t even tell me why she should remember his specific death time/date. Why don’t you give me a specific reason why she doesn’t want to go visit him rather than just having her scream and pitch a fit in the bedroom. The action to get Nina to the shrine (or whatever) is convoluted. So she’s running away from a home, a police car comes down the road, wind blows her phone under the wheels of said car, she runs… I don’t care about any of this. And more than that, Nina isn’t in control of any of it. None of it is her choice. She lacks agency. The actions of the story should be driven by your character’s choices. You’d have been better suited having Nina choose to go the shrine. Or at least have her actions lead her towards this conversation with her grandfather. Perhaps there’s room here for an interesting conflict between cultural expectations and the needs of the self? Idk. Instead, one thing leads to another, you give me some preaching about identity or something, and then it’s all over and she’s running. “Some people aren’t worth honoring.” That’s the overall point of this story, yeah? Cool. I can roll with that. But there’s need to be more to your protagonist to make it worth a drat.

5. Pham Nuwen
I don’t like your title. This story is too good to be titled with an homage to another work. Change it. My only other real critique is that you could do a better job of tying in the Santa stuff. A “flair for the dramatic” is a bit hamfistedly author fiat, yes? Here’s my suggestion: you already have prisoners saying the words to movie because they’ve seen it so much. Perhaps do something like… Novak is fed up having to watch the same movie every day during December or whatever. The protag jokes that they should just break out. Inspiration ensues. Idk. You just need it to be a little more organic and then you’re really balling. HM/win.

6. M. Propagandalf
I want to commend you for half of your story. The first half is actually quite nice. For a lack of a better term, it feels old. Appropriately old. 1930s accurate. I don’t know if it is accurate but it certainly feels that way. Your use of language is quite good. The bit ending with “Well then. Alas.” is loving lovely. I like it. I’m on board. Good dialogue. Good build up. Very noir.

Your second half… ooh, boy. This feels almost like it was written by a different person. Maybe you were rushed? Maybe you were uninspired and just forced yourself to spit out words? I don’t know. It’s not good, though. A couple specific things: avoid using “?!” I’m sure there are different schools of thought on this but, personally, this always strikes me as extremely amateurish. You should be able to paint a fearsome picture of a yelling man without resorting to double punctuation to get your point across. Same with all caps. Don’t do all caps. Italics at most for BEING SUPER LOUD or whatever. Continuing on that thought: be very careful not to overuse yelling. In theatre, I’ve always called it “peaking.” A yell is peak. You want to use it sparingly, as an accent, not as a continuous thing. Audiences quickly become weary of yelling. Both because the literal volume is concussive and because there is nowhere higher for an actor to go, emotionally speaking. Variation is important. Variation keeps interest. If you keep brief, if you’re smart with it, it can be very, very powerful. I think the same can be said with yelling when it comes to writing. Your characters in the second half spend a lot of time yelling at one another. You’ve described Amos has a physically imposing man. He doesn’t need to yell. Yelling implies a loss of control. If one cannot control their emotions -- what can they control? Calmness is power. If Amos believes he can physically dominate the smaller Gideon, why would he need to yell? I mean, the man can pick Gideon up and hold him in place with one hand, for God’s sake. You don’t see a cat screech at a mouse. A cat toys with a mouse. Would it not be more interested, more satisfying, to have the tables turn on a cocky Amos than on an emotionally unstable one? Also, remember, villains are never villains in their own minds. A throwaway line of Amos’s justification -- of her nagging, of him working hard, of whatever -- would do well here. Let him be an abusive rear end in a top hat. But let him be an abusive rear end in a top hat who thinks he is right to be one. That table turning, that payoff, will be all the sweeter for it.

7. Captain Person
I assumed you would take “spiritual” and roll with “relating to religion or religious belief.” So it took me a second to realize this was with ghosts (spiritual: “relating to or affecting the human spirit or soul as opposed to material or physical things”). I always like a good playful interpretation of the prompt!

I think my biggest problem with this story is that I was just… kinda… bored with it. It hits all the right notes. Interesting concept. Emotional payoff. But you lack oomf somewhere to make it, you know, good. I think we need more “love” between the two ghosts. They bicker, sure, but if you give me a reason to think that they care for each other it will make the sweet ending all the sweeter. Yeah, I think that’s my issue. Your characters have been stuck together for forever but they still feel like strangers. Also, you use frock twice in one of your opening paragraphs and that’s an unusual enough word for it to stick out.

8. Capt_Dr
Heartbreaking story, really. Very relatable. I appreciate that you went this route rather than making drugs cool. I like the setting. Too many saidisms, though. You don’t need to include the characters’ last names - especially if they’re all family. The ending is unrealistic. You’d probably need to make it about him slinging rather than using because it’s hard af to get clean and this isn’t enough of an impetus to make it work. Or just go full blown sad and have him get the drugs back out of the trashcan.

Tyrannosaurus
Apr 12, 2006

selaphiel posted:

:imunfunny: (I reckoned that was one of the few ways a wolf would be able to imply it was Christmas. Oh well.)

In for the next promt.



yeeeeah my bad

well

Tyrannosaurus
Apr 12, 2006
Oh cyberpunk gently caress yeah I'm in

Tyrannosaurus
Apr 12, 2006

Saucy_Rodent posted:

Now, now, sir. I will accept "not cyberpunk" and "not a story" and "obviously just your homework." But poorly proofed?

I'll proof-read your rear end as I'm kicking it in a BRAWL

I'm afraid this might have been missed and I, for one, very much would like to see this brawl

Tyrannosaurus
Apr 12, 2006
In

Tyrannosaurus
Apr 12, 2006
Red Demon Black Gun
1000 words

Tyrannosaurus fucked around with this message at 09:34 on Jan 4, 2020

Tyrannosaurus
Apr 12, 2006
Thunderdome 2019teen: Slow Judging is a Thing Now I Guess

Tyrannosaurus
Apr 12, 2006

Chili posted:

:siren: Game Night :siren:

Tuesday 4/2 @ 10:30 (or so) EDT

Jackbox, CAH, whatever y'all want. Got like 4ish people confirmed so far. If you know you'll be around, lemme know via PM 6 or so makes for a good crowd imo.

how tho?

Tyrannosaurus
Apr 12, 2006
In
https://www.akc.org/dog-breeds/bluetick-coonhound/

Tyrannosaurus
Apr 12, 2006
https://www.akc.org/dog-breeds/bluetick-coonhound/

Stars and Stars
908 words

Tyrannosaurus fucked around with this message at 09:35 on Jan 4, 2020

Tyrannosaurus
Apr 12, 2006
aw yiss I'm in

Tyrannosaurus
Apr 12, 2006
could you flash me too

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Tyrannosaurus
Apr 12, 2006
Morning Bell's "Sins and Stones" https://thunderdome.cc/?story=3929&...Sins+and+Stones


somewhere, sometime, a garden
1100 words

Tyrannosaurus fucked around with this message at 09:36 on Jan 4, 2020

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