Raldikuk posted:

How is the answer not a simple "don't take care of them"? If they couldn't bother to save for retirement and if they didn't help you out financially then don't feel obligated to help them.

OP posted:

i didn't even understand at the time that what they were doing was wrong, because my dad told me growing up that my money was basically his money. It took my husband to explain to me that the whole situation wasn't normal, and then fought with him for years because I didn't understand it.

BEHOLD: MY CAPE posted:

I know SA is populated on an extreme selection bias with computer literate educated 20-30something millenials in the stride of their careers, but for perspective: $90k is significantly above the median household income in the US, and if their mortgage is only $80k they are probably in a below average COL area

http://ogc.osd.mil/doha/industrial/2018/16-03658.h1.pdf posted:

In July 2004, Applicant purchased a home for about $1.2 million and financed the purchase with a 90-10 loan package that consisted of a first mortgage with SOR creditor 1.c ($958,400) and a purchase money mortgage to cover the required 10% down payment on the home with SOR creditor 1.a ($120,829). (GEs 2-5 and 7 and AEs B-Cand M; Tr. 42-43, 57-58) The interest rate agreed to by Applicant on the promissory note and first trust deed was an adjustable rate of $4.8% for five years after which the rate would be adjusted upwards by 2.5%. (AE M) At the time of his purchase, Applicant was netting a little over $80,000 a year and reported a net worth of $23,000, but still claimed he could afford the combined mortgage payments of $4,300 a month ($51,600 annually) on the two mortgages. (Tr. 57-58, 79)

With over 60 per cent of his annual income committed to his mortgages,[/b] Applicant left little margin for covering his other expenses with his home financing and willingly assumed the heavy mortgage debts with the hope of gaining asset value with expected appreciation of the property. (Tr. 79-81) From the beginning, he relied on high-risk financing instruments that with his limited resources left him acutely vulnerable to major shifts in market conditions.

Shortly after their purchase, Applicant’s current wife sold her townhouse for about $470,000, making a profit of around $200,000 on the sale. (Tr. 75) She and Applicant used $100,000 of the sale proceeds to buy expensive furniture for their home. (Tr. 61-62,75-76)

quote:

Besides Applicant’s first mortgage debt with SOR creditor 1.c, he has an outstanding second mortgage with SOR creditor 1.a in default and unresolved. He has made no payments on this loan since 2009 and currently owes over $120,000 on this
purchase money loan. (GEs 3-4) Although the debt no longer appears on Applicant’s credit reports (AEs G-J) and is the result of a non-recourse loan, now dead for lack of equity according to Applicant’s information received from SOR creditor 1.a, it remains delinquent behind the first mortgagee’s interest and unresolved. (GEs 2-3 and 6; Tr. 40-43, 72-74)

By Applicant’s estimates, his property is worth in excess of $1.335 million and on paper is quite likely to support the satisfaction of both his first and second mortgage debts should either creditor elect to foreclose. (GEs 2-7 and AE M; Tr. 103) Whether charged off for statute of limitations reasons, for the lack of projected security interest in the property, or for other technical reasons not involving payment, the debt remains outstanding and a legal obligation (past or present) that Applicant has declined to address since 2009. Notwithstanding his withholding monthly payments on this debt, he continues to live in the house while saving over $50,000 in annual payments on this purchase money mortgage.

Applicant has a third debt listed in the SOR (SOR debt ¶ 1.b) that he has failed to address to date. This debt is a credit card debt with the same lender that initially financed Applicant’s home purchase with a first mortgage. This admitted debt remains outstanding and unresolved.

Applicant currently earns $200,000 a year as a base salary, with an annual 20 per cent bonus of $40,000, for a total annual compensation of $240,000. (AE K). It is unclear what additional income his wife earns.

quote:

Analysis

Security concerns are raised over Applicant’s accumulation of two delinquent mortgage debts exceeding $520,000 in the aggregate and a credit card debt approximating $11,972. Applicant’s two mortgage debts relate to a defaulted first mortgage listed in his credit reports as a past-due $978,400 debt and a charged-off second mortgage debt totaling $120,829. His first mortgage is the subject of a series of complaints brought in state and federal courts over denied loan modification, the last of which remains pending.

quote:

Applicant’s cited extenuating circumstances (i.e., medical issues requiring his time commitments for caring for his mother, his wife’s erosion of income during the economic downturn that impacted her business in 2008-2010, and his mortgagee’s failure to approve his loan modification request) provide some mitigation credit for his initial withholding of mortgage payments on both mortgages. Based on his cited circumstances, MC ¶ 20(b), “the conditions that resulted in the financial problem were largely beyond the person’s control (e.g., loss of employment, a business downturn, unexpected medical emergency, or a death, divorce or separation), and the individual acted responsibly under the circumstances,” has some application to Applicant’s situation.

However, Applicant has continued to withhold mortgage payments from both mortgagees for over nine years without escrowing any of the withheld mortgage payments, saving over $400,000 in the process while continuing to reside in the house and benefit from increased appreciation in the property. Offered options by SOR creditor 1.c to Applicant following the creditor’s denial of Applicant’s application for loan modification in January 2018 were never accepted by Applicant.

quote:

Overall, Applicant’s actions to date in addressing his finances reflect too little evidence of restored financial responsibility and judgment to overcome reasonable doubts about his trustworthiness, reliability, and ability to protect classified information or occupy a sensitive position. See AG ¶ 18.

Conclusions are warranted that his finances are insufficiently stabilized at thistime to meet minimum eligibility requirements for holding a security clearance. Unfavorable conclusions are entered with respect to the allegations covered by SOR ¶¶1.a-1.c. Eligibility to hold a security clearance under the facts and circumstances of this case is inconsistent with the national interest.

BonerGhost posted:

32 honestly sounds a little low for a top trim, all options Camry. The Toyota and Honda econoboxes got big, loaded, and hell of expensive sometime in the last 10 years. They're still boring as hell, but they're not starter cars anymore. Not going to price because I'm on mobile rn, but if that's truly the highest, color me surprised.

Just what kind of bowl of plain oatmeal of a person 1. buys a Camry as an under 40 single person with no kids 2. Finances it at 6%+ for six GD years? If you're going to light money on fire anyway, just buy the drat Mustang at that point.

quote:

I swear this sub has a hard on for shaming people when they treat themselves to a nice vehicle. Some people spend 1-2 hours a day in their car. Some people just generally like cars as their main source of pleasure.

quote:

Not if I can scale out of the remaining position at favorable prices... I withdrew 10k yesterday which is twice my original account value and I'm not in a margin call, But that could easily change.

quote:

I started the position with 8 call spreads for a credit of 4.95 each about a week and a half ago, so my initial investment was 40 dollars. I legged in lots of 5 to begin with, then 20, 30, 50 alternating on each side. This all happened today, I would've kept going, but market closes at 4..

quote:

It's credit spreads so I got paid when I opened it. It literally cannot go tits up, max loss is 500 per spread but I got paid 594.

quote:

TOKYO—Saying it was simply time for drivers to move on, Toyota Motor Corp. issued a recall of its entire 1993 Camry model line Wednesday due to the fact that its owners really should have bought something new by now. “We understand that the 1993 Camry was tremendously dependable, but, honestly, there’s just no excuse for driving a 22-year-old car at this point,” said Toyota spokesman Haruki Kinoshita, adding that, with all the advances in automotive technology that have taken place, no one really had any business driving a vehicle for more than two decades. “We’re not saying you have to buy a new 2015 Camry or splurge on a flashy new hybrid, or even that your new car has to be a Toyota at all. But the bottom line is that you need to start fresh, however you choose to do so.” While Toyota is reportedly confining its recall to the 1993 Camry, it also issued a warning to owners of 1994 to 1998 models alerting them to the fact that they were really starting to push it.

Sten Freak posted:

Well they do have the fixed number only getting smaller aspect....

They're fun. I'd ask yourself if bitcoins are fun.

Leperflesh posted:

One of those (depressingly common) cases where the law has to make a determination because the legislative and/or executive did something essentially absurd and stupid. In this case, slapping import tariffs on vegetables but not fruits, and failing to be explicit in the law as to what exactly those terms covered.

I wish there was a mechanism under judicial review to send legislation back to its originator with a "fix this, you idiots" requirement.

Devian666 posted:

A 39 pound pack would be good to test preparedness. If the person is wheezing and needs to sit down after putting on the pack they aren't cut out for surviving.

I also find it weird that doomsday preppers don't seem interested in first aid, having basic materials including duct tape to repair a damaged shelter, or even having a deck of cards. Something I've never seen included is pornography, I guess they keep the porn stash secret (or hidden in the woods).

Bird in a Blender posted:

Unlimited vacation is a trap. People tend to take less time when given unlimited vacation. And you always have time to take a vacation, unless you're running your own small business or something. People who think they can't take a vacation are fooling themselves. Things can wait or someone else can do it for the week you're gone.

GoGoGadgetChris posted:

Edit - and lol at his factory comment. What decade is his brain trapped in?

quote:

In a list of tips on paying for college on Ramsey’s website, he highlights the story of a debt-free college grad named Jacquelyn who “worked three jobs and lived on just a few hours of sleep.”

But a 2018 study from Georgetown University found that students who work more than 15 hours a week tend to suffer academically, especially if they’re lower-income and work not for “experience” but “to stay afloat financially.” Higher education is so expensive these days, the researchers conclude, “you can’t work your way through college anymore.”

If you hold off on school until you can afford it or take classes piecemeal to avoid loans—“go slow and pay cash,” as Ramsey would say—you might actually graduate debt-free. But you’ll enter the workforce later than your peers, with a salary gap that could follow you for the rest of your career, says Robert Kelchen, assistant professor of higher education at Seton Hall University.

https://www.reddit.com/r/personalfinance/comments/be1b56/my_parents_did_not_pay_taxes_for_10_years_they/ posted:

A lot of this information is coming second hand from my sister, so I apologize if I don't have all of the details.

My parents both work in education and have been very bad with finances my entire life. They declared bankruptcy after taking a mortgage for a house they couldn't afford and for other tax and debt related issues. Both of them quit their jobs to focus on multi level marketing schemes shortly before this happened and are still involved with various multi level marketing schemes to this day. My dad collected his retirement early after quiting his tenured teaching position to start his own small business that eventually failed. My car and my parents cars were impounded because of unpaid debt (the title of my car is still my dad's name). My sister bailed them out by paying close to $5,000 to help settle their debt and to recover their vehicles.

They have since both gone back into education have steady incomes, but continue to live in a large house that they rent at ~$2,000/month even though it's only my parents in the household. My sister and I have tried to convince them to downsize or move into an apartment to reduce this expense but they either can't or won't.

A few months ago I was doing laundry at my parents house while they were both at work (my washer was broken and was being repaired) and a man incessantly knocked on their door. I didn't answer since I assumed it was a salesman and it wasn't my home. When I left I saw an IRS notice taped to their door. I didn't approach the subject with them but mentioned it to my sister to see if she knew anything and she did not.

Fast forward to today. My sister called to update me on the IRS situation. My parents did not pay their taxes for close to 10 years. On the day of my wedding two weeks ago their accounts had been frozen. They have agreed to a payment plan with the IRS for a sum of $16,000 and have 6 months in order to repay or their accounts will be frozen again and I'm assuming their assets (cars) will be seized. My sister and I know that my parents won't be able to pay the IRS that amount in only 6 months. Not only because of their salary, but because of their expenses as well. We both feel trapped and are worried about our parents future and their ability to support themselves through retirement. My sister doesn't want to help them out because she doesn't want to enable their irresponsible behavior and become a safety net for them, and I am on the same page with her. I still want to help them, but I want them to be able to help themselves.

We've decided to have them sit down with my brother-in-law as a neutral party to help them come up with a budget and financial plan for their future and figure out if there's a way to for them to make the payments to the IRS on their own. My sister and I will sit down with them separately to be open and upfront about our unwillingness to help them after how irresponsible they've been.

Beyond that I have no idea what else to do. Again, they have no idea that I know and generally keep their financial problems private from me. I've worked very hard over the last few years to work out the bad financial habits that they instilled in me and I'm able to be in a steady place financially thanks to learning many habits here and through my wife, but I'm not equipped or prepared to handle this.

What are my parents options? Should they consolidate through a tax consolidation company, or could that make them worse off? Should I offer to loan them money?

Sorry for my rambling. Any help/advice would be greatly appreciated.

TL;DR: Found out my parents owe the IRS $16,000 in unpaid taxes over the last ten years and I don't know what to do or if I should help them with their debt

Thanatosian posted:

What do you want to bet the reason they thought they were supposed to file as "royalties" was because their parents told them to?

canyoneer posted:

TVsVeryOwn posted:

try the ocean

Dick Nipples posted:

She’s threatening to sue my dad if he doesn’t give in to her demands.

Dik Hz posted:

“It offers a good life and excellent cost of living: all those things that people are starting to seek out if they want more intentional community,” she said. “People are feeling an anonymity within the larger cities and that can be oppressive.”

please knock Mom! posted:

Smartphones are too good, that’s the point. You can cheat with them far too easily. If only there was some way to adapt test questions to modern day tech...

quote:

So I bit a coworker yesterday. Obviously, I’m mortified.

I work in an incredibly dysfunctional office. The tone is set by our office manager. He’s in his fifties, has always worked in an office setting, and is difficult. Things are right if it’s in his favor and wrong if anyone else does it. He once cursed at me and called me a child for asking him not to say I’m prettier if I smile. He then didn’t speak to me for a year — which was a relief.

Well, yesterday, I had a meeting with a coworker. (If it makes a difference, the office manager and I are on the same level, as is the person I was meeting with.) My hands were full of paperwork and a full mug. When I got to the coworker’s office, the office manager was in the doorway, braced with one arm stretched across the opening. I stopped, said, “Excuse me, I have a meeting.” Aaaaaand he refused to move. He replied that he didn’t give a s*** and it wasn’t his problem. The coworker grimaced but said nothing, as is usual for our office.

Normally, I’d sit and argue. Rarely, I’m able to convince him to move. In those cases, I’d put down my things in the office and wait for the colleague and him to finish speaking. They don’t work together or like each other, but they angry-gossip frequently.

This time — this time I bit him. I don’t know! His arm was in front of my face, my hands were full, I know from experience he almost never moves, and I’m reaaaaally busy right now.

In any case, I bit him, over his sleeve, pulled back, and we just sort of stared at each other for a second, because … wow. He finally got his feet under him, figuratively, and retaliated by stomping on my feet (I was in ballet flats and he had heeled dress shoes) and shoving me. As I’m regaining my balance and trying to save my feet, I dropped my mug, which shattered. At that point, he stopped and bent to pick up the shards. I ducked into the office and shut and locked the door. Not helping him pick up the shards angered him more.

I’ve since apologized. He accepted gracefully, while admitting no fault on his part.

This office is bad. It’s warping my perceptions of normal behavior. I know there is no one above us who would address this issue with him and short of quitting, I have to deal with him every day. What is the right way to deal with difficult coworkers in these situations? Just keep arguing? Walk away and reschedule the meeting? There are no magic words to deal with impossible people, but how do I reason with myself mentally to stop myself from going down this road again?

Thank you for considering my question. I suppose most everything is solved by “walking away,” but I feel helpless and clearly spiral a bit into wild behavior when at a loss…

quote:

So I don’t have an update I think anyone will like. Going through Alison’s three suggestions:

#1) Find a new job. I applied to the perfect position the next day, interviewed within the week, aaaaand bombed the interview. Nerves? Lack of practice? I do have Alison’s book, did research, but just didn’t click with anyone. Probably going to stay where I am. I like almost every aspect of my job except for my office manager, and not everyone can say that.

#2) Apologize to witness coworkers. Turns out, as I’d thought, no one in the office cared that I bit the office manager. I spoke to one person in the office that I find professional and whose opinion I respect. He was confused that I was upset, felt that biting someone wasn’t that crazy for our office, and in the end he didn’t think it was a big deal. Actually, the office manager was shoving me a bit the other day and one coworker chimed in, “Hey, careful, you know what happens when you do that,” referring to when I’d dropped and broken my mug. Everyone was completely confused, had to be reminded, and then lost interest.

#3) Learn to let it go. I roll my eyes now. I shrug it off. I don’t stress myself out. I miss a meeting? Oh well.

Addressing commenter suggestions:

I really took a step back and examined my high stress levels. It was clear I was having some anxiety issues. I called my doctor looking to talk it out and maybe get meds for the short-term. When I explained I bit someone, I could hear her metal stutter. She thought she’d misheard me. In the end though, it was decided I wasn’t “at-risk” enough to make office time for. I was referred to a different doctor about an hour and a half trip from my home, which didn’t help my anxiety or make sense for my schedule. Basically I just had a reaaally horrible few months, but made it out the other side and feel fine now.

Biting a coworker is obviously crazy behavior and never ok. I certainly haven’t done it again and don’t plan to. But in the long run, my office manager is a raging jerk. I’d like to see how others handle someone, sitting 5 feet away for 50ish hours a week, who constantly calls them a b*tch, tells them they’re fat, says their mother doesn’t love them, criticizes clothes and makeup, polices how much they eat, and basically makes everything as difficult as possible. Please, show me you can do better. In the end I feel bad … but not that bad.

The office manager doesn’t even care. He’s not angrily holding on to the fact that I bit him. We get coffee. We go on walks. He confides in me and asks for advice regarding work situations. He’s an rear end, and I guess maybe I am too? But at least I’m an rear end with better coping strategies going forward, because now I shrug it off and put on headphones when it gets to be too much.

I deeply thank everyone for their suggestions. Knowing that I’m not the only one who’s broken and lashed out really helped when I was going through that rough patch.

In the long run, yeah, maybe this is warping my perception of normal. But everyone I talk to with a “normal” office job seems to hate it. They go in, stare at four walls for eight hours, barely talk to anyone, and then go home to complain about how much their work sucks. Do I wish my office manager would quit? Of course. But I’m not crying myself to sleep over his behavior. I put up with it and the trade off is an active, interesting office culture where we get drinks, have fun, tell jokes, the pay is good, the benefits amazing, and the work interesting.

Thank you for your thoughts, sympathies, and personal stories. I promise to keep my teeth to myself in the future.

KYOON GRIFFEY JR posted:

but it gets bigger until it covers the earth

edit: AAM is fair game but that ain't really a Bad with Money story

Leon Trotsky 2012 posted:

BWM Bosses Part II: Get (Mental) Healthy or Die Tryin'


I have no idea about the legitimacy of Brene Brown's work, but her official biography page is pretty hilarious.


Ask a Manager Response:


https://www.askamanager.org/2020/07/my-manager-makes-us-do-mental-health-surveys-every-day.html


"Brenda, can you send a memo and a short abstract about your uncle molesting you to corporate by COB today?"


Everything else is already insane, but TWICE daily

Ask a Manager Response:


https://www.askamanager.org/2019/02/we-have-twice-daily-mandatory-group-therapy-at-work.html

Trimson Grondag 3 posted:

But they won’t just go see a real life sex worker because that is too explicitly transactional and they want to be able to maintain the illusion of relationship or they think sex work is unacceptable or it forces them to acknowledge the fact they are sex work consumers or something?

It would probably cost less money instead of choosing the most BWM way to be a John.

GoGoGadgetChris posted:

"Survived" as in, til death do us part?


(Obviously I don't actually want to ban any type of marriage - I just don't get what people think marriage IS when they're on their 3rd one. Luckily I don't need to understand!)