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BrianBoitano
Nov 15, 2006

This is fine.


So I got 14 cricket snacks for Christmas from my brother. That's what I get for saying cricket protein sounded interesting!



Review 1: Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough protein bar.


Appearance: somewhere between "military ration" and "literally poop"

Good news though! This tastes exactly in line with every protein chocolate bar I've ever had! Bad news, that means it's dense, slightly chalky, and has less chocolate taste than a single Hershey's Kiss dissolved in a glass of eggnog. Not sure why you'd do that, but that's your problem.




I wouldn't say it tastes at all like chocolate chip cookie dough, but that's fine. It's satisfying to eat, has no sensory hint that crickets are involved, and is as good as the competition from Clif or QuestBar or whatever. It's more expensive than the competition - $3 per bar vs. $1.33 or $2.08, respectively. Whether or not it's worth the extra expense depends entirely upon the value you place on the quality of ingredients and the support of the cricket industry, which is said to be the future of sustainable protein.


Overall: 4.5 / 5 amongst protein bars (apples to apples), 2.5 / 5 vs snack bars with poor nutritional value, which surprisingly taste better when you allow real chocolate and sugar.

220 Calories
16 g protein
10 g fat
15 g fiber
8 g sugar

https://exoprotein.com/products/cho...gh-protein-bars

Cricket Review, Part 2: This Time, It's Crickety™



70 calories of pure srirachaey roasted crickets. This snack is good, but definitely not for the squeamish. The texture is great -- it's crispy and reminds me of the few roasted soy nuts in a bag that still have their once-papery, now-crispy skin.



I felt like I should eat just one or two at a time, partially because they are actually pretty spicy for a consumer snack, hotter than hot Cheetos by a cricked-sized margin, and partially because I wanted to really try and force an ick factor by going slow and reminding myself what I was eating. While some part of me screamed "despite what Timon and Pumbaa say, bugs are not food", there just wasn't anything in particular off-putting about them. Nothing had an odd texture (they removed the legs), they didn't fight back, and there was no hint of "oh, that was an eyeball" or "that was a bug butt".

When you consider how forgiving people are to pistachios when 1-3 in a bag are rotten, and these were well above the bar for consistency.

I'd say they're a good snack. Since I went slowly, it satisfied way more than 70 calories of M&Ms. At $3 for a 0.5 oz bag, these aren't cheap, but I'd say they justify their expense with the novelty factor.

4/5 compared to roasted nut mixes.

Okay, I haven't reviewed all 14 yet, but I will! Which should I review next? Any details you want me to note going forward?

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Submarine Sandpaper
May 27, 2007

ASK ME ABOUT HOW I GHOULISHLY CELEBRATE THE DEATH OF CHILDREN TO TEACH THEIR PARENTS "A LESSON"


bite one in half tia

/e - also use a few as a martini garnish

Submarine Sandpaper fucked around with this message at Jan 4, 2019 around 21:12

BrianBoitano
Nov 15, 2006

This is fine.


Yeah sure! I brought a few home for my wife to try but she said no thanks.







Paloma instead because we're having Tex Mex tonight. Yummy!

PovRayMan
Dec 25, 2002

Never get Freudian on a man holding a pickle.

Does eating lots of crickets increase your sexual vitality?

VERTiG0
Jul 11, 2001

go move over bro


This is the content that I crave

BrianBoitano
Nov 15, 2006

This is fine.


PovRayMan posted:

Does eating lots of crickets increase your sexual vitality?

No poo poo, I just had a dream where I was in an art film that required a sex scene. I couldn't get it up on camera. Not a good first sign, but I'll keep you updated on my penis over the next week of sampling.

Submarine Sandpaper
May 27, 2007

ASK ME ABOUT HOW I GHOULISHLY CELEBRATE THE DEATH OF CHILDREN TO TEACH THEIR PARENTS "A LESSON"


In nathan for you they specified that for art they only want a semi so you're good imho

BrianBoitano
Nov 15, 2006

This is fine.


My penis works

BrianBoitano
Nov 15, 2006

This is fine.


Review #3: favorite yet!



While chocolate chip cookie dough didn't live up to its name, and while roasted sriracha wasn't ideal for a quick snack, the apple cinnamon bar delivered.



Still not a looker, but the taste is great. Like a dense apple cake mixed with a fig newton. I don't like a ton of cinnamon flavor and this bar pleasantly surprised me with balance. The ingredients list explains why it's so good - it's nothing but almonds, fruit, flax, honey and crickets. Just like the other bar, you can't tell the crickets are in there except by the warm feeling of living in the future.



I'd eat this over any other commercial protein bar I've had.



5/5 well done Austin cricket duders

Review 4: Taco crickets!



Same textural experience as the sriracha, but these seemed more filling. The taco seasoning made it taste like the meat I suppose it technically is. If you want to satisfy your relentless "eat some crickets" craving, this is the real deal.

The flavoring is very well balanced. A bit of cumin and faint chili powder is the only thing that attempts to standout.



Requested close-up dissection. Top 4 segments cut precisely, bottom is the butt after I chomped the other bit. Next time I'll focus on the segments better.

Kaiser Schnitzel
Mar 28, 2006

I want to be like Grace Kelly.

I came expecting the episode of the The Two Fat Ladies where they cook dainty delights in rural England for the local cricket club. Clarissa would have definitely eaten a cricket.

Are they crunchy all the way through? like crispy crunchy like a potato chip or hard crunchy like a nut? I don't think I could handle it if there was any gooeyness in the middle.

mediaphage
Mar 22, 2007

Ricola-kun, tell me
about pizza cones!


topical; I just bought a bag of store brand cricket powder.

BrianBoitano
Nov 15, 2006

This is fine.


Crispy all the way through but resistance to crunch between a Lay's normal potato chip and a Lay's Ruffles potato chip. You had potato straws before or did your parents deprive you? They be like that.

No gooeyness, unless you get the protein bar then it's 100% gooey, but in a "this is just protein and honey, isn't it" way, not a "there's guts in here" way.

Speaking of which!




Flavor is decent. Just like mom used to make, if your mom blended peanut butter with apricot jam, flax seeds, and rice flour, then gently folded in a tablespoon of Rice Krispies. The puffed rice bits are really odd. I almost think they are there to remind you that crickets are inside, since they are kind of surprising in that way. But no, just like the other bars, the crickets are well pulverized before mixing in, with no apparent flavor that would suggest this is anything other than a really weird paleo protein bar.





I would much prefer more peanut taste and a more familiar jam, perhaps swirled so it's not one homogeneous brick. 2/5 ate every bite because I'm not a quitter.

Croatoan
Jun 24, 2005

I am inevitable.
ROBBLE GROBBLE


You have to try artisanal crickets you catch, OP. Also well wishes on your penis.

Suspect Bucket
Jan 14, 2012

SHRIMPDOR WAS A MAN
I mean, HE WAS A SHRIMP MAN
er, maybe also A DRAGON
or possibly
A MINOR LEAGUE BASEBALL TEAM
BUT HE WAS STILL
SHRIMPDOR


I am 100% for all cricket eating.

Goon Danton
May 24, 2012

Don't forget to show my shitposts to the people. They're well worth seeing.



I'm told that crickets are the protein of the future, but I guess that depends on what kind of future you're expecting.

BrianBoitano
Nov 15, 2006

This is fine.


Croatoan posted:

You have to try artisanal crickets you catch, OP. Also well wishes on your penis.

No joke, 2 months ago our tour guide Sonya in the Cuajimoloyas in Oaxaca caught about 8 crickets in the time it took me to catch one, but we didn't keep them to go roast in our hotel or anything. Didn't occur to us at that point, though we were talking about eating them in general.

dino.
Mar 28, 2010

Yip Yip, bitch.


BrianBoitano posted:

I'll keep you updated on my penis over the next week of sampling.
This is the content the $10 was worth it for :P

Scientastic
Mar 1, 2010

TRULY scientastic.


BrianBoitano posted:

My penis works

Mid-leg sticky wicket?

Wait, wrong type of cricket

Res Aesthetica
Feb 13, 2019



Have you tried any other cricket brands?

Res Aesthetica
Feb 13, 2019



yo, so your post made me wanna try the crickets myself and i gotta say they kinda suck. they were rather boring. like the charred part on a burnt stake.

BrianBoitano
Nov 15, 2006

This is fine.


Well I'm glad you tried. Even with a disappointing experience, that adventuresome spirit will find you more interesting things on shelves and in restaurants that do tickle your fancy.

What flavor did you try? I am very lukewarm on them in general. I won't be buying more now that I've enjoyed the novelty factor. I'd compare them to extra crispy roasted soy beans more than burnt sticks.

I do have some left to review, I'll get back on that.

Res Aesthetica
Feb 13, 2019



i ordered the whole roasted variety pack and i got say say salt and vinegar was probably my favorite.

The Berzerker
Feb 24, 2006

treat me like a dog


I did some work with a company making one of these cricket protein bars, the one thing I can say is that the species of cricket used is really important because I tried some cricket snacks (including some of those exo bars) and they tasted fine, but there are other cricket species that taste like loving Marmite and it's horrible. Gives everything this horribly tanginess.

Also if you're allergic to shellfish maybe don't eat crickets because it can cause the same reaction. I've started to notice cricket products are putting this warning on the label now at least where I live.

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Suspect Bucket
Jan 14, 2012

SHRIMPDOR WAS A MAN
I mean, HE WAS A SHRIMP MAN
er, maybe also A DRAGON
or possibly
A MINOR LEAGUE BASEBALL TEAM
BUT HE WAS STILL
SHRIMPDOR


The Berzerker posted:

I did some work with a company making one of these cricket protein bars,

Wait, tell us more about this. What do you do that you get to work with insect protein?

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