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NoButterUtter
Mar 2, 2013


Oh dear, I'm a non-native english writer and long time lurker. I do have a full story, 4500 words. I plan to submit the swedish version to my "publisher" in a few days, after doing another revision (It's a small but hard-working swedish publisher, and he does release some of my short stories in E-book and audiobook format). I've also done a translation in English. It's a kind of darrrrrrk and grrrrim fantasy/horror story, and it's actually based on the lyrics of one of the songs for our crappy doomish-stonerish metal band. It's called "Smoke on the bog"... yeah, you get the pun. Actually, it's not about that kind of "smoke". Anyway, we're thinking about releasing the song on our up-and-coming first album, perhaps as a single, so I imagine that some kind of co-release of the short story would be cool. At least we can re-use the artwork.

Is there someone who would be interested in looking at this story? The main thing would be pointing out blatant grammatical faults, and terrible misuse of words. I often realize exactly what mistakes I've done as soon as I become aware of them, but I seem to miss a lot of stuff. If you have suggestions for the story itself, go ahead. So, a non-english dude trying to do a bloody and creepy, but still aloof, Borges in English. How bad can it be?

If I've understood everything correct, the thing to do is start a new thread and paste a link to a google doc, right?



Edit: now the google doc is open for comments... sorry

Edit 2: Currently rewriting it completely for publishing, so I've removed the link. Thanks for the comments!

NoButterUtter fucked around with this message at May 4, 2019 around 12:19

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Exmond
May 31, 2007


im doin it ma im writing

THUNDERDOME


Can you open it up for comments and suggestions please? I can't promise to read all of it, but I can peruse the first couple of pages.

NoButterUtter
Mar 2, 2013


Exmond posted:

Can you open it up for comments and suggestions please? I can't promise to read all of it, but I can peruse the first couple of pages.

It should be open now, thanks in advance for any comments.

anatomi
Jan 31, 2015


Would you mind sharing the Swedish version?

sebmojo
Oct 23, 2010



Legit Cyberpunk

NoButterUtter posted:

Oh dear, I'm a non-native english writer and long time lurker. I do have a full story, 4500 words. I plan to submit the swedish version to my "publisher" in a few days, after doing another revision (It's a small but hard-working swedish publisher, and he does release some of my short stories in E-book and audiobook format). I've also done a translation in English. It's a kind of darrrrrrk and grrrrim fantasy/horror story, and it's actually based on the lyrics of one of the songs for our crappy doomish-stonerish metal band. It's called "Smoke on the bog"... yeah, you get the pun. Actually, it's not about that kind of "smoke". Anyway, we're thinking about releasing the song on our up-and-coming first album, perhaps as a single, so I imagine that some kind of co-release of the short story would be cool. At least we can re-use the artwork.

Is there someone who would be interested in looking at this story? The main thing would be pointing out blatant grammatical faults, and terrible misuse of words. I often realize exactly what mistakes I've done as soon as I become aware of them, but I seem to miss a lot of stuff. If you have suggestions for the story itself, go ahead. So, a non-english dude trying to do a bloody and creepy, but still aloof, Borges in English. How bad can it be?

If I've understood everything correct, the thing to do is start a new thread and paste a link to a google doc, right?

https://drive.google.com/open?id=1L...WnfyQcRIHs_0YAE

Edit: now the google doc is open for comments... sorry

I just skimmed this so can't speak to the coherence of the plot, but the language is very nice and evocative, there's a portentous richness to the voice. I think you have your tone well-managed.

NoButterUtter
Mar 2, 2013


sebmojo posted:

I just skimmed this so can't speak to the coherence of the plot, but the language is very nice and evocative, there's a portentous richness to the voice. I think you have your tone well-managed.

Oh, thanks!

I'll finish some other stuff that I'm working on, and then I'll try them out on some international publications.

NoButterUtter
Mar 2, 2013


anatomi posted:

Would you mind sharing the Swedish version?

No problems, here it is...

https://drive.google.com/open?id=1M...7N847zIGs2k9UF8

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FreudianSlippers
Apr 12, 2010

Shooting and Fucking
are the same thing!


Fire in the sky?

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