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e Apron) okay so here's what we're gonna do: meet up on a Google Hangup Meatouts, spark up a bowl and some conversation about which cryptids we would gently caress, if they were serial killers. that we could gently caress. my hot take: Mothman can cram my cloacea full of his muscular glistening eggs. if he and ted bundy got into a Cockfight I think Mothman would Take ted bundy in the Country Way.largely I am opposed to serial killers, being myself a fan of living and generally being alive. being al;ve is actgually the reason i've signed up for Postal Service Meal Solutions, an exciting new blockchain based food preparatory circumventor by which real, licensed workers of the United States Postal Service will haul a tureen of soup into your bathroom while you bathe in your Infinity Pool. listeners are asked to use the coupon code WATCHMEWASH to earn a bonus subscription to Chad's List, the best website for hiring dudes to hang outside your bathroom, dick in hand. |
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Feb 5, 2019 19:19
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cryptids you say?
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Feb 5, 2019 19:29
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been looking for years in the backwoods trying to find a bigfoot so i can give it a hand job
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Feb 5, 2019 19:34
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the crypt keeper has really pretty eyes 
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Feb 5, 2019 19:49
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*me sneaking up on the same bigfoot i've been stalking for days, getting to within inches of it before it hears me and runs in terror* "stop! please! i just want to love you! we were meant to each other, you'll see!"
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Feb 5, 2019 20:07
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*several bigfeet listen intently as a frightened bigfoot recounts his most recent run in with me, grunting and motioning with his fist going up and down quickly then waving as if to say "no!". the other bigfeet suck air through their teeth and nod sympathetically*
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Feb 5, 2019 20:09
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Luvcow posted:several bigfeet |
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Feb 5, 2019 21:27
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You know crypt keepers eyes are remarkably intact in comparison to the rest of his decomposition. I wonder if hes intact elsewhere 
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Feb 5, 2019 21:31
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5 years from now, in a courtroom somewhere "There is a clear chain of events leading from this disturbing post made in early 2019..." |
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Feb 5, 2019 21:33
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Foot fetishist: 
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Feb 5, 2019 21:39
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does the jersey devil frost his tips like a guido, do u think?
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Feb 5, 2019 21:40
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An X files reboot that incorporates david duchovny's self professed "sex addiction"
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Feb 6, 2019 00:08
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scully: mulder i agree that it does indeed look like an alien but i'm sure there's a rational scientific explanation for it mulder: *hastily begins to undress*
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Feb 6, 2019 00:56
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greetings. i heard the news about your exsanguinated goats and ran right over. an investigator? yes, of a sort. for you see, my passion is paranormal taxonomy. think of me as the carl linnaeus of things that go "bump" in the night, ha ha. i detest imprecision and improper categorisation in general, but specifically as they are applied to this lanky, tenebrous beast. i believe a noble heart is sustained by all that goat's blood. and once i find and woo that heart, i hope i may be well within my rights to rename its master...*intriguing guitar sting* el chupamea... |
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Feb 6, 2019 17:37
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Android Blues posted:greetings. i heard the news about your exsanguinated goats and ran right over. an investigator? yes, of a sort. for you see, my passion is paranormal taxonomy. think of me as the carl linnaeus of things that go "bump" in the night, ha ha. i detest imprecision and improper categorisation in general, but specifically as they are applied to this lanky, tenebrous beast. i believe a noble heart is sustained by all that goat's blood. and once i find and woo that heart, i hope i may be well within my rights to rename its master...*intriguing guitar sting* el chupamea... |
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Feb 6, 2019 17:56
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well everybody, that's our show, our editor is Jim Jables, our sound design is courtesy of Maxwell Lindsay Summersmith, and i am desperately googling right now to see if Frankenstein is a cryptid because i'm out of material for next week, folks *cohosts crack up* no i'm serious *still laughing as the fadeout begins* i only want to have sex with two things on this earth, the chupacabra and frankenstein and i need to know if i can discuss that... |
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Feb 6, 2019 20:03
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Android Blues posted:greetings. i heard the news about your exsanguinated goats and ran right over. an investigator? yes, of a sort. for you see, my passion is paranormal taxonomy. think of me as the carl linnaeus of things that go "bump" in the night, ha ha. i detest imprecision and improper categorisation in general, but specifically as they are applied to this lanky, tenebrous beast. i believe a noble heart is sustained by all that goat's blood. and once i find and woo that heart, i hope i may be well within my rights to rename its master...*intriguing guitar sting* el chupamea... Android Blues posted:well everybody, that's our show, our editor is Jim Jables, our sound design is courtesy of Maxwell Lindsay Summersmith, and i am desperately googling right now to see if Frankenstein is a cryptid because i'm out of material for next week, folks *cohosts crack up* no i'm serious *still laughing as the fadeout begins* i only want to have sex with two things on this earth, the chupacabra and frankenstein and i need to know if i can discuss that...
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Feb 6, 2019 20:04
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Frankenstein IS a serial killer. He IS a strange paranormal being who lives in the wilderness (the Arctic, Swiss rural areas, Swiss forest, etc). But he was written about in a book, but like, so was the Slenderman, right? I think? Maybe Mary Shelley was just giving her writerly equivalent of a blurry photograph that could have been a bear? I think all that is compelling enough evidence to mount a discussion on whether or not Frankenstein's rear end is "dumb thick" and whether or not his atrocity dad gave him genitals. |
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Feb 6, 2019 20:08
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Frankenstein: FIRE . . . BAD!!! me: oh, i'm 🔥 and i've been bad, huh? tell me more big boy/patchwork of boys |
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Feb 6, 2019 20:14
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*my dad lifts my mattress and finds a copy of the d&d monster manual, several photos of the loch ness monster and a copy of the patterson bigfoot video* "god loving dammit..."
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Feb 6, 2019 20:20
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Your story is allegorically informed by Paradise Lost? More like it's paradise being lost in your particoloured abs. Be the serpent in my garden, Adam. Fuckin'...walk that dick like a spring, as in how Satan must have walked when he took the form of a snake to tempt Eve before snakes were punished to crawl on their bellies in memoriam of Satan's treachery, because see, if you take Milton at face value both those things are canonical, and yet Milton never explains how the snakes moved before they were punished, and alright, this metaphor got away from me, but I want you to know that it was mostly about your penis, Frankenstein. |
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Feb 6, 2019 20:21
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Android Blues posted:Your story is allegorically informed by Paradise Lost? More like it's paradise being lost in your particoloured abs. Be the serpent in my garden, Adam. Fuckin'...walk that dick like a spring, as in how Satan must have walked when he took the form of a snake to tempt Eve before snakes were punished to crawl on their bellies in memoriam of Satan's treachery, because see, if you take Milton at face value both those things are canonical, and yet Milton never explains how the snakes moved before they were punished, and alright, this metaphor got away from me, but I want you to know that it was mostly about your penis, Frankenstein.
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Feb 6, 2019 20:22
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Android Blues posted:Frankenstein: FIRE . . . BAD!!! Android Blues posted:Your story is allegorically informed by Paradise Lost? More like it's paradise being lost in your particoloured abs. Be the serpent in my garden, Adam. Fuckin'...walk that dick like a spring, as in how Satan must have walked when he took the form of a snake to tempt Eve before snakes were punished to crawl on their bellies in memoriam of Satan's treachery, because see, if you take Milton at face value both those things are canonical, and yet Milton never explains how the snakes moved before they were punished, and alright, this metaphor got away from me, but I want you to know that it was mostly about your penis, Frankenstein.
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Feb 6, 2019 21:22
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host: ever have that dream where Mothman flies through the window and sucks your dick [49 minutes of contemplative silence] host: anyway that's all the time we have. tune in next week when we ask the question: ever have that dream where the Jersey Devil flies through the window and sucks your dick
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Feb 6, 2019 21:29
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me, scrolling thru wikipedia's list of cryptids: bang . . . marry . . . bang . . . bang . . . bang . . . marry . . . kill I guess? no, let's be honest, bang . . .
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Feb 6, 2019 21:30
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FutonForensic posted:host: ever have that dream where Mothman flies through the window and sucks your dick me at home nodding in 49 minute intervals: yes [...] yes . [at this point i donate to the podcast pledge drive and begin to tell my friends] |
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Feb 6, 2019 21:32
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PHIZ KALIFA posted:e Apron) Imma gently caress a mermaid but I don't have internet in my new house yet You will not BELIEVE where the vag is, though. |
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Feb 6, 2019 22:41
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Android Blues posted:Frankenstein IS a serial killer. He IS a strange paranormal being who lives in the wilderness (the Arctic, Swiss rural areas, Swiss forest, etc). But he was written about in a book, but like, so was the Slenderman, right? I think? Maybe Mary Shelley was just giving her writerly equivalent of a blurry photograph that could have been a bear? I think all that is compelling enough evidence to mount a discussion on whether or not Frankenstein's rear end is "dumb thick" and whether or not his atrocity dad gave him genitals. HIS NAME IS PRONOUNCED FRONKENSTEEN |
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Feb 6, 2019 22:42
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want that kussie クッシ for my pussie wanna get wet with the japanese lake monster of my fuckin dreams
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Feb 6, 2019 22:59
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me: "ok on this weeks podcast we have special guest michael j. fox, famous in our community for his highly sexualized performance as a teenage werewolf and... um, i see you're not wearing your teen wolf costume like we requested?" *sounds of a chair squeaking, muffled voices, then a door slamming shut*
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Feb 6, 2019 23:10
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Calmly waiting for my sex doll of John Wayne Gacy to turn 100 so I can gently caress a tsukumogami of a serial killer |
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Feb 7, 2019 01:11
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"Alright, I think we have time for a viewer guest. Hello, welcome to Serial Killer Cryptids We Want 2 gently caress, or SKCWW2F for short! From savage skunk apes to brutal Bessies, what murderous, potentially non-existant monstrosity do you want to gently caress silly?" "Hi Blue Apron! I've been a listener since episode 1, when you discussed getting a footjob from Bigfoot! Huuuuuuuge fan of your work! Honestly, I'm feeling pretty down lately. A kraken was absolutely ravaging my supply convoy, but I lost my chance when the beast mounted my ship and I tried to show it my hentai collection." |
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Feb 7, 2019 01:29
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Jersey Devil on my roof shaking his sweet rear end at me
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Feb 7, 2019 08:01
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"help police? Yeah the Jersey devil is doing a pole dance down my flag pole and I'm really turned on. I think he's into me." "Oh good grief, another one. Listen, I don't know if this is some kind of meme or whatever but you people need to stop calling and saying the Jersey devil is sexy." *throwing the phone down* "AY HOW MANY OTHERS YOU DANCIN ON ROOFS FOR YOU HUSSY"
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Feb 7, 2019 08:10
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thank you everyone for your phenomenal contributions. android blues once again taking my ideas and rendering them flawlessly, a svarovski crystal of posts. bare bottom pancakes posted:Calmly waiting for my sex doll of John Wayne Gacy to turn 100 so I can gently caress a tsukumogami of a serial killer oh my goddddddddddddd if yokai are on the table i want one of the one-eyed umbrella bastards to cram his weird tongue so far up my fuckhole it irrigates my small intestine crimes |
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Feb 7, 2019 17:23
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a wendigo furiously rubbing hims frostbit dicklet to bigfoot porn while wearing fake bigfoot feet on his ankle nubbings
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Feb 7, 2019 17:24
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a kappa can pull my soul out of my rear end anytime  PHIZ KALIFA posted:oh my goddddddddddddd if yokai are on the table i want one of the one-eyed umbrella bastards to cram his weird tongue so far up my fuckhole it irrigates my small intestine extremely 
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Feb 8, 2019 01:19
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PHIZ KALIFA posted:e Apron) 
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Feb 8, 2019 19:33
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Awesome winter sig by Symbolic, love it!
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FutonForensic posted:host: ever have that dream where Mothman flies through the window and sucks your dick
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Feb 8, 2019 19:36
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FutonForensic posted:host: ever have that dream where Mothman flies through the window and sucks your dick Manifisto posted:me, scrolling thru wikipedia's list of cryptids:
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Feb 8, 2019 21:54
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