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Wark Say
Feb 22, 2013

by Fluffdaddy
If you are, were, or plan to be a musician who plays live, records professionally, etcetera you've probably lived, heard, watched and/or read of any of these scenarios before:
  • Traveled cheese knows how far to a gig only to encounter a subpar venue, with no audience there or with an angry venue manager or promoter giving you guff/dicking you out of the guarantee/telling you how to load your gear with hosed-up details.
  • Gigs where a band member just plain doesn't make it or flat out quits hours before the show.
  • Getting your poo poo stolen. I know that's how Wayne Coyne sorta started the Flaming Lips but COME THE gently caress ON WHY DO THAT :rant:
  • Stuff on fire. Probably a part of the stage, your rig/gear, the venue people, a band-member or worse, *the merch! :cry:
  • People sleeping around and making situations more awkward for everyone involved.
  • Violence/Threats from other band members, third parties or hell, you being an rear end in a top hat.
  • The police harshing your mellow.
  • A ton of other stuff I'm leaving unaccounted for because holy poo poo, can stuff go wrong for the touring/gigging/recording musician.
So, inspired by this post Krustic made at the Stupid Music poo poo Mk. II thread, I decided to create this thread for all the goons that want to get it out of their chest about godawful shows/tours/people they encountered during their time as a live/recording musician. Hopefully you don't mind me using your term, Krustic.

I've been playing music for the better part of three decades and have played in front of people since I was 8 years of age despite suffering from a mild case of glossophobia/stage fright for as long as I could remember (talking yourself up or rehearsing before a gig usually works for me, but it's not fool-proof), so I have my share of stories of this ilk, but right now, let's just get this thread started.

Feel free to post about your HellGig experiences.

*(A fellow touring musician once made this exact point. I still think he was only half-joking).

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Rageaholic
May 31, 2005

Old Town Road to EGOT

Copy/pasting the most recent one of the few I posted in Stupid Music poo poo:

Actually, the very first show I ever played might qualify as a hellgig too. I was 18 and got booked to play my solo material (the only time I've ever played a solo show) on the same bill as one of my favorite local bands. It was my first time ever being on stage in that sort of capacity and it was just me alone up there and I was loving terrified. I also hadn't practiced nearly as much as I should have, so I just kinda winged it. This was before I even knew what a sequencer was or how to use it, so I was up there on stage with a laptop with Reason on it and a MIDI controller just doing everything on the fly. I don't know if any of y'all have heard my early solo material (as Aetherius), but it involves several tracks playing at once, so imagine me being terrified and trying to trigger a bunch of different tracks in my DAW from the pads on my MIDI controller at the exact right moment hahaha

I was sure I had hosed the whole thing up, but after I was done, several people came up to me and said they really enjoyed it and appreciated me bringing electronic-ish music to a venue that was traditionally mostly metal, punk/hardcore and ska, so that calmed me down a lot at the time. I'm glad no video of that show exists though, or if it does, I haven't seen it and hope I never do.

I joined the band I played with for years like 6 months after that and I found playing shows with them to be totally fine. Having 4 other guys on stage with me helped alleviate my performance anxiety a lot. I loving hate being the center of attention, so I don't know why I even agreed to play that solo show. But a handful of people seemed to really enjoy it, so I guess it wasn't the worst idea I've ever had :shobon:

Wark Say
Feb 22, 2013

by Fluffdaddy
I totally understand: Playing solo in front of an audience can be quite the daunting task.

Fuck Your Website
Nov 29, 2003
FUCK YOU, AND FUCK YOUR WEBSITE

gently caress Your Website posted:

New Years' Eve gig in a Midwestern basement with the typical insufficient punk rock PA, vocal mic stand sitting half in a puddle of standing water the entire time, any time I so much as brushed the mic I got shocked. Spent the entire gig twisting my body weird, so there was no chance of the guitar touching the mic stand and completing a circuit, as if singing into that thing was remotely safe otherwise. On the bright side though this probably gave the the audience of mostly drunk, disinterested college kids something to look at while wondering if the idiot singing would actually die before the set ended.

The second we were finished I wondered why we'd bothered at all. Ran into the guy who'd organized the thing afterwards and went to complain about the lovely, hazardous PA situation but he was already down in his cups moaning about how "the scene" would really explode "like Seattle" (this was the 90s, duh) if only all the bands would get on the same page and work together.

At this point I realized he was just a well-intentioned moron and realized it was as much my fault as his for not just walking the gently caress away, so at least I learned something that day: the show doesnt, in fact, have to go on, and sometimes it's just not loving worth it.

Rageaholic
May 31, 2005

Old Town Road to EGOT

This is sort of a hellgig but also hilarious: When I was in the band I was in for years, we once played a show at this big artist (squatter) house/art installation place called The Treehouse, named for the literal treehouse in the backyard. There was this giant tree and a wooden treehouse that I'm assuming was built by the artists that frequented the place. It was pretty unsafe because the treehouse itself was kinda rickety and there wasn't like a deck underneath it or anything, just a pit where people could easily fall to their deaths if they weren't careful. But next to the pit, there was a little stage area.

Now, I'm assuming if they normally had outdoor shows there, they were acoustic artists who weren't very loud. This treehouse place was in a residential neighborhood, after all. But then here we are, playing through big amps at high volumes. Obviously this place didn't have permits for that sort of thing, as it wasn't an official venue, it was just a spot where artists hang out.

So of course somebody calls the cops on us. We got I think 2 or 3 songs into our set and the cops show up and told us we have to shut down.

It was disappointing, but in retrospect, it should've been expected considering what that place was. And it's a fun story to say the cops shut down a show I played :v:

Dang It Bhabhi!
May 27, 2004



ASK ME ABOUT
BEING
ESCULA GRIND'S
#1 SIMP

Yea man playing backyard parties and getting shutdown is a rite of passage. You get pretty good at sensing when thing are going south and before you know it the drummer has already started breaking down and the bass player is playing the final notes of the song as he's scootching his amp/cab on casters.

CheesyDog
Jul 4, 2007

by FactsAreUseless

CheesyDog posted:

Played three hours to almost empty room in a "country club". Given that this was supposed to have been a more upscale gig than our normal dive bars, I had invited some family to come watch.

The "country club" turned out to be the kind of bar that has to go "members only" because they keep losing their liquor license. The free dinner was some corn chips with shredded cheese poured on top and microwaved. The dish itself smelled like nicotine. The beer smelled like nicotine. The building itself looked like the barroom from a 1970s Clint Eastwood movie that had never been cleaned or remodeled in the subsequent 40 years; this description also applied to the patrons.

We spent most of the time dealing with a belligerent drunken late-50s lady who alternated between complaining about our song selection and shouting "now you got some dancers!" and boomer-twerking when we did play something she liked.

After playing the last twenty minutes to an empty room we called it at midnight, only to be banned from the venue because they were open till 2:00 AM and we had quit playing "early".

CheesyDog
Jul 4, 2007

by FactsAreUseless

Rageaholic Monkey posted:

This is sort of a hellgig but also hilarious: When I was in the band I was in for years, we once played a show at this big artist (squatter) house/art installation place called The Treehouse, named for the literal treehouse in the backyard. There was this giant tree and a wooden treehouse that I'm assuming was built by the artists that frequented the place. It was pretty unsafe because the treehouse itself was kinda rickety and there wasn't like a deck underneath it or anything, just a pit where people could easily fall to their deaths if they weren't careful. But next to the pit, there was a little stage area.

Now, I'm assuming if they normally had outdoor shows there, they were acoustic artists who weren't very loud. This treehouse place was in a residential neighborhood, after all. But then here we are, playing through big amps at high volumes. Obviously this place didn't have permits for that sort of thing, as it wasn't an official venue, it was just a spot where artists hang out.

So of course somebody calls the cops on us. We got I think 2 or 3 songs into our set and the cops show up and told us we have to shut down.

It was disappointing, but in retrospect, it should've been expected considering what that place was. And it's a fun story to say the cops shut down a show I played :v:

I was playing a bar gig once where the police showed up three times due to noise complaints and we kept having to tell them it couldn't be us, because we were indoors with an unmiced kit and a 30 watt guitar amp, only vocals through the PA. It took three visits for them to realize it wasn't us, but the massive house party going on two blocks away.

Rock Daddy
Dec 28, 2009
Long ago...played a NYE gig for some little town's only "decent" bar in the middle of nowhere. We're driving away and I asked the (idiot) bass player if he looked at the check. No? I take a look, sure enough, it's for a few hundred less than the agreed price. We turn around, go back, place is locked, but somehow figure out the owners live above the bar. We knock on the door, they tell us to F off. This leads to yelling through the door, which leads to the four of us kicking on the door, pounding on the windows. The door flies open, the two owners are standing there with a gun aimed at our drummer's face. I instantly yell, "Go ahead shoot him, you can't kill all of us". Drummer slowly turns to me and says, "Thanks, Rock".

Rageaholic
May 31, 2005

Old Town Road to EGOT

Rock Daddy posted:

Long ago...played a NYE gig for some little town's only "decent" bar in the middle of nowhere. We're driving away and I asked the (idiot) bass player if he looked at the check. No? I take a look, sure enough, it's for a few hundred less than the agreed price. We turn around, go back, place is locked, but somehow figure out the owners live above the bar. We knock on the door, they tell us to F off. This leads to yelling through the door, which leads to the four of us kicking on the door, pounding on the windows. The door flies open, the two owners are standing there with a gun aimed at our drummer's face. I instantly yell, "Go ahead shoot him, you can't kill all of us". Drummer slowly turns to me and says, "Thanks, Rock".
:stare: Holy poo poo. How'd it end? Did y'all get the money that was originally agreed upon or did you leave?

Rock Daddy
Dec 28, 2009

Rageaholic Monkey posted:

:stare: Holy poo poo. How'd it end? Did y'all get the money that was originally agreed upon or did you leave?

We backed off and then called the cops. Barney Fife showed up, said it was a civil matter. Uh, what about the gun? No "proof" and they denied it, so that was that.

I left the band shortly after that. They took the owners to small claims court, but the (idiot) bass player handled everything, so they collected $0.00.

Dang It Bhabhi!
May 27, 2004



ASK ME ABOUT
BEING
ESCULA GRIND'S
#1 SIMP

Here's the no proof of me driving to the grocery story and buying a cheap bottle of vodka, a rag and a lighter and then burning down that guy's bar and home.

Does that seem like a strong reaction?

Rageaholic
May 31, 2005

Old Town Road to EGOT

Rock Daddy posted:

We backed off and then called the cops. Barney Fife showed up, said it was a civil matter. Uh, what about the gun? No "proof" and they denied it, so that was that.

I left the band shortly after that. They took the owners to small claims court, but the (idiot) bass player handled everything, so they collected $0.00.
Yikes :cripes:

Dang It Bhabhi! posted:

Here's the no proof of me driving to the grocery story and buying a cheap bottle of vodka, a rag and a lighter and then burning down that guy's bar and home.

Does that seem like a strong reaction?
This is the best plan

Rock Daddy
Dec 28, 2009
Hell(post)gig…

Driving home, in a heavy snowstorm, after a late night gig with the same drummer. I decide to do a donut on the empty road, so I nonchalantly say, “Hey P., did ya ever do this?” and slam on the brakes. I lose all control, we go spinning down the road, slam into a light pole, bounce off of it, spin some more and end up hitting an apartment building, taking out a good section of their built-in decorative planter area.

After we finally get our bearings, P. (equally nonchalantly) just says, “No Rock, I can’t say I’ve ever done that before”.

Epilogue(the good old days)…one case of beer was all it cost to have city workers fix everything.

Rock Daddy
Dec 28, 2009

Rageaholic Monkey posted:

Yikes :cripes:

This is the best plan
A similar plan was discussed and almost put into action, but the cooler heads amongst us (uh, the girlfriends) exercised their veto power..

Rock Daddy
Dec 28, 2009
Played a gig in Mississippi right out of the Blues Bros movie. Some good ole boys didn’t cotton to us or our music, so they threw pennies at us all night. (no protective chicken wire)

Rock Daddy
Dec 28, 2009

Rock Daddy posted:

Played a gig in Mississippi right out of the Blues Bros movie. Some good ole boys didn’t cotton to us or our music, so they threw pennies at us all night. (no protective chicken wire)

To be fair to Mississippi...we played in Clarksdale, MS a few times. We met folks so kind there that we didn't even trust them. Example: Our first night, a new fan comes up on a break and says don't bother staying in the crappy hotel rooms they gave us...he's got a big house and plenty of room, so come stay with him. Us, being jaded big-city northerners, translate the offer as, "come home with me so I can rape and kill all of you".

We ask around and everyone says it's all good, so we take him up on the offer. The hospitality was unbelievable. There's rooms for everyone, hot meals three times a day, laundry washed and ironed for us, etc.

I still wedged a chair against the door at night.

Rock Daddy
Dec 28, 2009
Came back to the motel after a gig only to find all of our stuff piled outside the locked rooms. Why? Apparently, they went in our rooms, looked around and didn’t like that we had a hotplate in one of the rooms. We got to sleep in a single bench pickup truck that night.

Rock Daddy
Dec 28, 2009
How about a recent gig? It's Heaven, with a bit of Hell.

We get an offer for stupid money to play a gig in a penthouse apartment overlooking the ocean. Private elevators, more marble than Italy, views to die for, etc. Her favorite band is one that, upon request, we do as a Tribute band, so it's all good.

So what's the hell part? It's still a private residence, so the seven of us are set up in an a tiny alcove, directly across from the "wine room" and the audience is three or four couples - who have to come lean on the wall to see us.

Must be nice to have that kind of $$$.

Dang It Bhabhi!
May 27, 2004



ASK ME ABOUT
BEING
ESCULA GRIND'S
#1 SIMP

what is her favorite band. spill the tea.

Rageaholic
May 31, 2005

Old Town Road to EGOT

Rock Daddy posted:

Hell(post)gig…

Driving home, in a heavy snowstorm, after a late night gig with the same drummer. I decide to do a donut on the empty road, so I nonchalantly say, “Hey P., did ya ever do this?” and slam on the brakes. I lose all control, we go spinning down the road, slam into a light pole, bounce off of it, spin some more and end up hitting an apartment building, taking out a good section of their built-in decorative planter area.

After we finally get our bearings, P. (equally nonchalantly) just says, “No Rock, I can’t say I’ve ever done that before”.

Epilogue(the good old days)…one case of beer was all it cost to have city workers fix everything.
Holy poo poo hahahahahaha

I hope y'all weren't hurt! :ohdear:

Rock Daddy
Dec 28, 2009

Dang It Bhabhi! posted:

what is her favorite band. spill the tea.

Three Dog Night.

She was happy and the check cleared. Mission accomplished.

Rock Daddy
Dec 28, 2009

Rageaholic Monkey posted:

Holy poo poo hahahahahaha

I hope y'all weren't hurt! :ohdear:

Not a scratch or an ache.

The car did not fare as well, but I really didn't care. I'd already hit a "few" things. Yeah, youth...

Rock Daddy
Dec 28, 2009
Another fairly recent one (i.e., not from the 70's)...

My wife is picking me up at work, with all my gear, for a Thursday evening gig at one of these outdoor amphitheaters that are everywhere these days. As soon as I get into the car, I remembered something..."Did I ask you to bring those two guitars by my desk?".

"No".

Oh poo poo. No time to go back home. I remembered a bandmate's kid "plays guitar" - and he lives fairly close to the gig, so I give him a call. I get to the gig and find out the kid is bringing the guitar. Whew! He shows up with a piece of poo poo Tele a couple minutes before show time. Strings are rusted, the pots and switch are hosed and I think it had been stored in mud for a few years. Restring it and work the controls until I find a place where I get sound and tape them in place. Fought it all night, but got through the gig.

After the gig, I tell the dad I'll take it home, set it up, clean the controls, etc. "No, that's ok, my son is very particular about his guitar". Hahahahaha. Fine, I write the kid a thank you note, throw a twenty in the case and call it good.

Juaguocio
Jun 5, 2005

Oh, David...
Sadly (or maybe fortunately?) I haven't played enough gigs for any truly hellish stories. I did witness one though:

The sludgy metal band I was in got booked to play at this crusty DIY "fest" at a backwoods campsite/offroading area. The whole thing got delayed because of a lightning storm, so by the time the bands got going it was super late and people were extremely messed up. I was ALMOST too drunk to play, but I made it through the set without anyone noticing.

The last band of the night, however was WAY too drunk to play. The bass player couldn't sing and play bass at the same time, so he would just do one or the other. Their set ended when he passed out for the 2nd time, into the drum kit, breaking half the cymbal stands. I went to talk to the drummer after, and he was like "can't talk right now man, gonna break down this gear, then go whoop my bass player's rear end." I gave him a bong rip and he relaxed somewhat, but I never heard from that band again after that show, so I imagine their next band meeting didn't go too well.

That whole show was one of the sketchiest scenes I think I've seen. Out of control dog fights, massive bonfires left completely unattended, cold hot dogs eaten off the ground, a station wagon full of people stoned on mushrooms doing donuts around the campsite...

Dang It Bhabhi!
May 27, 2004



ASK ME ABOUT
BEING
ESCULA GRIND'S
#1 SIMP

Rock Daddy posted:

Three Dog Night.

She was happy and the check cleared. Mission accomplished.

Oh I was thinking it was someone younger lol. That's actually not a bad one to have to cover, I suppose.

Rugoberta Munchu
Jun 5, 2003

Do you want a hupyrolysege slcorpselong?
This was during a film festival in town and a lot of my friends work in the service industry so they only had enough time to see the band I was in and then head back to their respective bars and restaurants. Also I was hoping some of the festival crowd would might see/not hate us. We had a specific time we were supposed to go on and let everyone know.

The bill was three bands and we were scheduled to go on second. The first band finishes their set and announces that we are up next. As I am heading to the stage, the last band walks on and starts setting up. Turns out the last band's drummer did not bring his equipment with him and decided to use the first band's drum set and also decided it was too much of a hassle to break it down more than once so they had to play their set immediately. The drummer coincidentally was an employee at that bar so he got the okay from the owner and nobody bothered to tell either of the other bands.

Of course they add insult to injury by playing long and by the time we got up there, most of my friends had left. About two songs into our own set, we start seeing people continuously walking in, looking antsy, and then leaving. Turns out the other reason why the last band decided they had to play before us was because the bar had scheduled karaoke after the live show and we were playing during the time karaoke was supposed to have started.

Afterward, I heard that the owner was very close to straight up cutting our set short after a few songs because he wanted to fire up the karaoke machine right away. I never played there again and stopped going to that bar altogether because fuuuuck that.

Wark Say
Feb 22, 2013

by Fluffdaddy
OK, so let's begin with my own dumb HellGig stories from earlier in life. As I mentioned in the OP, I've been playing music in front of other people since I was 8. First as part of a rondalla in elementary school playing the upright bass (and yes, I had to use a stool to properly play the drat thing when standing up) and then eventually busking first by my lonesome and later with the guy that remains my best friend after all these years.

My first HellGig happened when I was busking in front of the local state university at age 10. Since back then the campus was completely unfenced, a ton of non-students often hung out around the area since there were a lot of comfortable places to chill. By then, I had already been busking with my best friend after teaching him the basics for rhythm guitar (not that I was a "blazing" solo player, but playing simple rhythms was easier for him), but that one weekend, he had to visit some relatives in Texas, so I went to busk on my own. That one Saturday, I had made like 450-500 pesos, which back then was an insane amount of money for a kid to have, but since I was saving money to help my parents by taking care of my own nonsense, it was cool.

Now, remember this?

Wark Say posted:

  • The police harshing your mellow.
That was the first time I learned why people hated the police. Motherfucker took 150 pesos from me, all because I didn't "get a permit". It had taken me like 4 hours to get those 500 pesos, and that motherfucker just waltzed in, gave me some bs and because I didn't want trouble, he ended up walking away with 1/3 of my money. I still remember it because he took the 3 biggest bills I had gotten (3 fifty peso bills).

So yeah: loving police. :argh:

VELOUR SPACESUIT
Feb 4, 2008

Well well well, this looks to be one disturbingly erotic post
Some years back I played drums in a two-piece drone/doom band. A few months after forming, and with only a handful of half-baked riffs, the guitarist managed to get us on this "new faces" showcase at the local record store/bar. He had never played a live show before so he jumped at the first thing he could find that would take us. Now, I'm a fan of all kinds of music and shows with a variety of genres are much more interesting and enjoyable than an evening crammed full of similar sounded bands... however, on this particular evening, we were the only band that was even remotely heavy. Not to mention we were playing drone/doom which isn't the most accessible music to begin with nor is it enjoyable to the random everyman bar patron... but the guitarist was so hyped I went along with it. Against all reason I also invited a friend who I had a crush on at the time to see the show with the hopes of impressing them or some stupid 20 year old poo poo. We arrived just in time to see the band before us, a high-energy funk/rock band dressed in tailored suits, burning the house down. They lathered the 100+ crowd into a frothy frenzy; the whole place shook from thunderous cheers and applause through their entire 20 minute set and continued well after they broke down and left the stage.

... and then we went on..

Honestly the whole set is just a blur. Doesn't help that I have trouble looking at the audience so during shows I close my eyes and just focus on playing the music. We finish two of our three songs when the announcer cuts over the PA to say our band name and thank us for playing. I opened my eyes only to see literally every single person except for the bartender and announcer had left. Even my friend I invited who helped me set up. The guitarist says into the mic "we have one more song actually" to which the announcer says "no you don't." As we are shamefully and quickly breaking down the patrons start filtering back inside, but no one will look at us. It was... loving brutal. To be honest we kind of deserved it, we were in no way ready to play a show, especially a regular-rear end bar band type gig, but holy poo poo did it utterly decimate my self-esteem.

Fuck Your Website
Nov 29, 2003
FUCK YOU, AND FUCK YOUR WEBSITE

VELOUR SPACESUIT posted:

The guitarist says into the mic "we have one more song actually" to which the announcer says "no you don't."

:nolan::ramsay::qqsay::zaurg::fry::george:

ASenileAnimal
Dec 21, 2017

my very first show on my very first tour ever had us playing in a bowling alley in ohio after driving like 7 hours. to a bunch of grandpas and grandkids. we were a noise rock band. lmao.

My Lovely Horse
Aug 21, 2010

Okay if I contribute one from the audience perspective?

I just got back from a show where the opener was an electronic act, singer/laptop guy/third guy who initially just stood behind laptop guy doing nothing. Started out okay, then three songs in song third guy got out a single hi-hat to play. Laptop guy started angrily shushing him, moved the hi-hat away from himself, and eventually took it away entirely and laid it down at the edge of the stage. Third guy leaned forward past him and started beating on the only part of the hi-hat he could still reach, one leg of the stand. It was like watching a live version of the cowbell sketch.

Then third guy got out a guitar and as soon as he started playing, laptop guy shushed him again, then unplugged him mid-song. I considered taking bets on who would win the inevitable fistfight. Guy plugged himself back in and they actually got through a few songs without incident. Then laptop guy suddenly passed the gently caress out. Third guy came to his aid, carried him offstage (hell of a noble gesture considering the preceding treatment), shortly followed by the singer. Few minutes later laptop guy returned, shut down the equipment and curtly said "thanks for coming, we're [band name]"; which, firstly, nevermind the niceties, are you okay, but also, is it really a good idea if people know who you are cause today I'd keep that well under wraps.

And man, the poor main act who now had to get on stage and get the crowd back in the game.




e: I really hope this doesn't come across as too flippant :ohdear:
I felt bad when I realized the guy had probably been feeling out of it for the whole show and hence the aggression, but at the same time, discounting him passing out, it was hilarious in its unprofessionalism, if you know what I mean

e2: also turns out the singer's a solo act and the two guys were "just" her live band so I bet she was super thrilled

My Lovely Horse fucked around with this message at 23:42 on Jun 14, 2019

Wark Say
Feb 22, 2013

by Fluffdaddy
Eh, it's fine. poo poo gets weird all too often, and memorable gig stories can come from either sides.

Hell, a lot of my most hilarious gig stories come from being on side-stage or backstage.

This one is from a few months ago at one of the bigger local venues here in Monterrey. I was playing as hired gun for one of the opening bands because their guitar/keyboard player (which is also the bass player/singer's younger sister) was unfortunately at the hospital, so rather than cancel their appearance, since I also play Viola they tapped me and said "You can do something similar to this, right?". So, we played the show and it all went fine barring one funny aside which was when the aforementioned older sister/singer/bass player went "No, he's not our tiny guitar lady, don't hold it against him".

The next band were all guys I'm friends with. The lead guitar dude is kind of a show-off who likes to buy cheap guitars and smash them in the last song because I guess that's what gets him off? Anyway, they were doing the last song and instead of going for the "primal" approach, he threw the guitar in the air. What he didn't see coming was the previously mentioned singer from the band I'm helping that night running into the stage and like an NFL player, catching the guitar perfectly. At that moment the dude gets all huffy and tries to grab the guitar back from her, but she's just dodging the dude because everyone knows he has a rep for smashing his guitars, so she keeps saying "Nuh-uh! I'm keeping this one" and the dude eventually got fed up and decided to just leave it alone.

The last things everyone saw before curtain call so that the main act could load up their gear were A) Me raising the singer's hand as a faux-referee and B) We did a curtsy.

Again, it wasn't disastrous (aside from the small 2-people argument), but it was deffo odd.

Wark Say fucked around with this message at 12:19 on Jun 15, 2019

BDA
Dec 10, 2007

Extremely grim and evil.

Wark Say posted:

The lead guitar dude is kind of a show-off who likes to buy cheap guitars and smash them in the last song because I guess that's what gets him off?

KISS did it so it must be cool, right?

Wark Say
Feb 22, 2013

by Fluffdaddy
My love of KISS (the band) ended the same year I finished middle school. Though, ironically, around the time I started touring (same year), I found that KISS (the principle) should be one of the standards for which all DIY bands should strive for and I try to practice it to this day.

Mister Speaker
May 8, 2007

WE WILL CONTROL
ALL THAT YOU SEE
AND HEAR

My Lovely Horse posted:

Okay if I contribute one from the audience perspective?

I just got back from a show where the opener was an electronic act, singer/laptop guy/third guy who initially just stood behind laptop guy doing nothing. Started out okay, then three songs in song third guy got out a single hi-hat to play. Laptop guy started angrily shushing him, moved the hi-hat away from himself, and eventually took it away entirely and laid it down at the edge of the stage. Third guy leaned forward past him and started beating on the only part of the hi-hat he could still reach, one leg of the stand. It was like watching a live version of the cowbell sketch.

Then third guy got out a guitar and as soon as he started playing, laptop guy shushed him again, then unplugged him mid-song. I considered taking bets on who would win the inevitable fistfight. Guy plugged himself back in and they actually got through a few songs without incident. Then laptop guy suddenly passed the gently caress out. Third guy came to his aid, carried him offstage (hell of a noble gesture considering the preceding treatment), shortly followed by the singer. Few minutes later laptop guy returned, shut down the equipment and curtly said "thanks for coming, we're [band name]"; which, firstly, nevermind the niceties, are you okay, but also, is it really a good idea if people know who you are cause today I'd keep that well under wraps.

And man, the poor main act who now had to get on stage and get the crowd back in the game.

This is hilarious. I'm convinced it was set up, like they're not actually a band they're some abstract performance art piece.

Remulak
Jun 8, 2001
I can't count to four.
Yams Fan
I’d go just based on your description. And you didn’t even mention the music at all.

Pokey Araya
Jan 1, 2007
I have some absurdly stupid things that have happened to me in my 6ish years of touring, but I'll leave a recent one.

So this year the 4th of July was the homecoming show of the tour, the tour was a nightmare, and halfway through I decided I was going to quit the band when we got back. Get to the club, unload, and my friend shows up raging at the world tripping on mushrooms, so of course he offers me some and I said "Fuuuuuuuuuck yes lemme get some!" this was at 8:30 pm. 4 band bill, we are suppose to go on at 12:30.

Cue me blasting through my drink tickets, friends buying me beers, and a second dose of mushrooms. First band kicks rear end, and I'm really starting to feel these mushrooms. Second band also kicks rear end, and I take another dose of mushrooms, along with a 15mg adderall pill. Now I'm flying very high, watching fireworks and generally having a great time, but also just want to get the stupid show over with so I can quit this band, load my gear, and get the gently caress in bed. By this time, I lost my phone somewhere (I plugged it in behind the merch table) and was wondering "what the gently caress time is it?" It was 12:45, and the third band is still playing. So of course I yell at them from the side of the stage when they finish a song, but because I'm "the dude on mushrooms" my friends say gently caress it and keep playing. Cue more don't give a fuckness and I take my 4th dose of mushrooms, and now I'm really ready to play. They finish, I get my bass all hooked up, and we launch into the set at about 1am.

Second song in, I break my strap. Not it came loose, not it slacked out, I break the drat end off. Now, I thrash around quite a bit when I play, so in addition to strap locks, the ends of the strap are guerilla taped like a mofo to my bass. I keep playing with no strap, for about 3 minutes (?? time was very hard to keep up with at this point) until the first break in the song, dude from the second band has his bass ready for me. Killer, but the guitarist launches into the next part, so I have T minus 15 seconds to check if this bass is in our tuning. Turns out it was a whole step up. Now I don't know when the last time you tried to tune a bass in front of a packed room of people, while you can't read the tuner pedal because you're tripping balls, a little bit wasted, while fireworks blast off out the giant window behind you, but I advise against it. I got the lowest string mostly in tune by ear, and kinda freestyled the end of the song on that string. Finally I had some time to tune all the way, and we raged out the rest of the set. It was a good last show.

Strap destruction:


Unlisted video clip of no strap playing, there was more video, but this was the only one I saved in my phone. (Also not my first time as you can tell, I think that makes strap #8 I've destroyed in some fashion on stage, also protip, grab the highest string with your pinky, and ring finger, and you can still headbang)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yIR6lT_0LC4

Asimov
Feb 15, 2016

This is a pretty lighthearted one, since we were just playing jazz standards for a wine event at a restaurant and nobody really gave a gently caress but here it goes.

- Me and the boys playing some standards. Whatever... I'm walking bass all over the block as people sip chardonnay and speak too loudly over the music
- "Professional" flute player comes up during set break and wants to sit in. He headlines a band playing jazz flute, as attested by his possession of said flute. We're like, "fine, whatever, it's an Occasion. assemble your axe."
- We play some AABA formatted tune, and it becomes clear during his improv that he doesn't know the chords of the "B section," or that the concept of "B section" even exists
- Doesn't matter, power on through, everyone in the combo solos, nobody in the audience is really listening anyway
- This flute guy gets loving completely into the rest of our solos, and is just jumping around the stage like a hyperactive 10 year old, biting his lip, power-bobbing his neck to and fro, completely consumed by the energy of the situation
- He gets so into it, he grabs two beer bottles from a nearby table and start banging the glass necks together like maracas, during our pianists solo section
- Beer bottles aren't empty and start spilling foamy brew over the bottom two octaves of the poor keyboardists keyboard, unbeknownst to him since he is in the middle of a descending tri-tone substitution lick on the turnaround.
- I start yelling "hey, HEY!!, uh you, uh STOP!" while concentrating on the music, but everyone goes on oblivious until we're back to the head of the chart, and realization slowly dawns...

The next day we are playing the same gig, same venue, same time. Our flutist silently walks by, and silently drops a single shrink-wrapped jewel-case CD on my music stand like a ghost.

funkysmooth

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Krustic
Mar 28, 2010

Everything I say draws controversy. It's kinda like the abortion issue.

Asimov posted:

This is a pretty lighthearted one, since we were just playing jazz standards for a wine event at a restaurant and nobody really gave a gently caress but here it goes.

- Me and the boys playing some standards. Whatever... I'm walking bass all over the block as people sip chardonnay and speak too loudly over the music
- "Professional" flute player comes up during set break and wants to sit in. He headlines a band playing jazz flute, as attested by his possession of said flute. We're like, "fine, whatever, it's an Occasion. assemble your axe."
- We play some AABA formatted tune, and it becomes clear during his improv that he doesn't know the chords of the "B section," or that the concept of "B section" even exists
- Doesn't matter, power on through, everyone in the combo solos, nobody in the audience is really listening anyway
- This flute guy gets loving completely into the rest of our solos, and is just jumping around the stage like a hyperactive 10 year old, biting his lip, power-bobbing his neck to and fro, completely consumed by the energy of the situation
- He gets so into it, he grabs two beer bottles from a nearby table and start banging the glass necks together like maracas, during our pianists solo section
- Beer bottles aren't empty and start spilling foamy brew over the bottom two octaves of the poor keyboardists keyboard, unbeknownst to him since he is in the middle of a descending tri-tone substitution lick on the turnaround.
- I start yelling "hey, HEY!!, uh you, uh STOP!" while concentrating on the music, but everyone goes on oblivious until we're back to the head of the chart, and realization slowly dawns...

The next day we are playing the same gig, same venue, same time. Our flutist silently walks by, and silently drops a single shrink-wrapped jewel-case CD on my music stand like a ghost.

funkysmooth

LOL. I love this thread.

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