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Josherino
Mar 24, 2021



Zil posted:

Specifically it is called the Mammalian Dive Reflex/Response if you want to look up research on the subject.

Good to know - good stuff.

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Sanguinary Novel
Jan 27, 2009


I keep a bag of rice in the freezer for that - the water works better, but the rice is faster and easier

erosion
Dec 21, 2002
Probation
Can't post for 22 days!


let's say I'm in public and already in a mood, then all the noise and hubbub from the crowd irritates me more and more and until I can't take it anymore and have to leave, angrily.

is that agoraphobia? because the -phobia suffix is completely inaccurate. it's more like I'm ready to beat someone to death.

Ball Tazeman
Feb 2, 2010



So I spent a very long night completely engulfed in stuffed animals and have carved out a safe space in the main bedroom. I hit up every person I thought would possibly answer me and a crisis line. Hearing other people my age talk about their homes/long commute/lovely backwoods town made me feel a little better. Its still difficult but today I at least got some sort of food in me. I found that I can stomach the frozen smoothie machine from the Holiday station down the road, so thats a start. I still have a mental block every time I walk in the door but its mostly due to the smells I encounter. Im hyper sensitive to smells so when I walk in I smell something sour and whatever cleaners were used which triggers a bit of panic.

I also moved some furniture and have been slowly acclimating to the living room space, since we moved all the boxes out of there. I make myself spend ten minutes or so on the couch out there every few hours, however its very cold in there and I need to find a giant throw blanket to really get comfortable.

Tomorrow my sister is helping clear the yard and power wash the deck and siding, which means my nephew will be here. He is literally the thing keeping me alive right now, so I hope that will help bring positive associations to being here.

Ball Tazeman
Feb 2, 2010



erosion posted:

let's say I'm in public and already in a mood, then all the noise and hubbub from the crowd irritates me more and more and until I can't take it anymore and have to leave, angrily.

is that agoraphobia? because the -phobia suffix is completely inaccurate. it's more like I'm ready to beat someone to death.

I would say it falls under agoraphobia, but Im not a mental health expert. Ive been feeling very similarly since the pandemic, when I go to the store and folks dont wear masks or get too close. The crowd just makes me so pissed off that I have to leave. I just whisper how much I hate them under my breath a millions times.

Zil
Jun 4, 2011

I kind of want it.
Good Enough!




I know homeownership can suck, when we first moved in, it turns out the previous owners failed to mention the messed up foundation. It was a pain in the rear end, but we were able to sue to have part of our down payment refunded so it could be used for repairs.

Things really suck now and feel overwhelming, I know I cried quite a few nights after finding out my house needed thousands in repairs. But thing eventually worked out and I'm sure they will for you.

It just a part of life that is sucking right now, but don't do anything that is a long term solution to a short time problem. Just have to give it time.

thehandtruck
Mar 5, 2006

An alien race's sociological experiment.



nvm

thehandtruck has issued a correction as of 07:27 on May 1, 2021

endlessmonotony
Nov 4, 2009


These are some bad posts, but they're not as bad as OOCC. I pray you recover enough to someday throw OOCC's keyboard into the sea and claim your rightful role as the worst C-SPAM poster.

erosion posted:

let's say I'm in public and already in a mood, then all the noise and hubbub from the crowd irritates me more and more and until I can't take it anymore and have to leave, angrily.

is that agoraphobia? because the -phobia suffix is completely inaccurate. it's more like I'm ready to beat someone to death.

It's called the fight or flight response for a reason.

erosion
Dec 21, 2002
Probation
Can't post for 22 days!


endlessmonotony posted:

It's called the fight or flight response for a reason.

It's happened many times, but interestingly, not every time, sometimes I don't mind being out

Josherino
Mar 24, 2021



erosion posted:

It's happened many times, but interestingly, not every time, sometimes I don't mind being out

I think taking the time to really itemize your day before you head to bed would really help.

Our tolerances can be really finnicky - and I can definitely understand any frustrations that come with situations where you feel like you should be good, only to end up having your day ruined by something/someone triggering that part of you that wants to "take flight".

Chokes McGee
Aug 7, 2008

This is Urotsuki.


erosion posted:

let's say I'm in public and already in a mood, then all the noise and hubbub from the crowd irritates me more and more and until I can't take it anymore and have to leave, angrily.

is that agoraphobia? because the -phobia suffix is completely inaccurate. it's more like I'm ready to beat someone to death.

Speaking as someone who has agoraphobia AND IS NOT A DOCTOR, my experience is that it manifests in wanting to find a nice, quiet safe place and stay there because oh gods what's out there what if it's bad aaaaa

It sounds a lot like social anxiety from my experience. Have you tried using headphones when you go out? Just listen to music you like to drown out the crowd stimulation.

Ball Tazeman
Feb 2, 2010



I ate for the first time since Monday today.

edit: I just had a second meal!!!

Ball Tazeman has issued a correction as of 03:02 on May 2, 2021

erosion
Dec 21, 2002
Probation
Can't post for 22 days!


Chokes McGee posted:

Speaking as someone who has agoraphobia AND IS NOT A DOCTOR, my experience is that it manifests in wanting to find a nice, quiet safe place and stay there because oh gods what's out there what if it's bad aaaaa

It sounds a lot like social anxiety from my experience. Have you tried using headphones when you go out? Just listen to music you like to drown out the crowd stimulation.

No, that's not it. I got really upset before we went out because she bought more groceries, and we already are out of room for what we have. Nothing gets rotated or cleaned, and the house is already a cluttered disaster.

So I have practically no control over my home environment, any cleaning or organizing I attempt is defeated within a day or two. The noise is unbelievable too, sometimes I have to put in earplugs to sleep or even eat. Add Cymbalta withdrawal to that.

So I'm already angry and we go to the restaurant. Get there and the noise level is unbearable, everyone just shouting for no reason, and I got a couple smug glances from maskless boomers. I had to bail because it was a horrible experience and I was the verge of beating the poo poo out of some rando.

erosion has issued a correction as of 01:38 on May 2, 2021

Josherino
Mar 24, 2021



erosion posted:

No, that's not it. I got really upset before we went out because she bought more groceries, and we already are out of room for what we have. Nothing gets rotated or cleaned, and the house is already a cluttered disaster.

So I have practically no control over my home environment, any cleaning or organizing I attempt is defeated within a day or two. The noise is unbelievable too, sometimes I have to put in earplugs to sleep or even eat. Add Cymbalta withdrawal to that.

So I'm already angry and we go to the restaurant. Get there and the noise level is unbearable, everyone just shouting for no reason, and I got a couple smug glances from maskless boomers. I had to bail because it was a horrible experience and I was the verge of beating the poo poo out of some rando.

Cymbalta can be a heavy mood stabilizer, and I can definitely understand how tough it is to really endure the obstacles that come with withdrawals. The withdrawal itself could be exacerbating what you're experiencing in real time when referring to your noise tolerances and irritability.


It could genuinely all be apart of detox journey your body is going through, but I don't think there's any harm with talking to your own physician about what you're experiencing to see if there's anything that could really help you combat what you're experiencing.

erosion
Dec 21, 2002
Probation
Can't post for 22 days!


Josherino posted:

talking to your own physician

lol

Josherino
Mar 24, 2021




I didn't mean anything negative by it. All I meant, was that if there IS someone you can talk to on a regular basis - it may help.

Apologies in advance.

erosion
Dec 21, 2002
Probation
Can't post for 22 days!


Josherino posted:

I didn't mean anything negative by it. All I meant, was that if there IS someone you can talk to on a regular basis - it may help.

Apologies in advance.

no worries I'm going for dark comedy

I've given up on the establishment, nothing but bad vibes there. that said, I might just have to suck it up and see someone because I might end up in jail.

Josherino
Mar 24, 2021



erosion posted:

no worries I'm going for dark comedy

I've given up on the establishment, nothing but bad vibes there. that said, I might just have to suck it up and see someone because I might end up in jail.

If you ever feel like you can't suck it up, never hesitate to reach out before anyone ends up in that "jail" scenario my friend.

perepelki
Dec 11, 2020

know before Whom you stand

erosion posted:

no worries I'm going for dark comedy

I've given up on the establishment, nothing but bad vibes there. that said, I might just have to suck it up and see someone because I might end up in jail.
cymbalta withdrawals will do that to you. it happened to me too, sudden bursts of extreme rage over very minor things, and i am not an angry or aggressive person; and i've heard other people also say that the anger is the hardest part to deal with, both for themselves and everyone around them. this should make you feel better about yourself - it's not your problem, you haven't suddenly transformed into a rage demon, it's just a medical problem and it will stop when you're either over the withdrawal symptoms or you go back on the meds, whichever comes first.

perepelki
Dec 11, 2020

know before Whom you stand

just know that if you do go back on the cymbalta, the withdrawal symptoms disappear really quickly, within a few days. i know you really, really want to wean yourself off the pills, but sometimes it's just not the right time in your life to be doing that. that's not to say you can't succeed, and i hope you do! but if you really feel like you're losing control, just remember that there is an easy solution and it won't leave you any worse off than when you started. you can always try again another time.

Real Mean Queen
Jun 2, 2004

Zesty.




erosion posted:

let's say I'm in public and already in a mood, then all the noise and hubbub from the crowd irritates me more and more and until I can't take it anymore and have to leave, angrily.

is that agoraphobia? because the -phobia suffix is completely inaccurate. it's more like I'm ready to beat someone to death.

I dont know what the term is, but Ive got a lot of that now. I was a seven night a week barfly before the pandemic, and holy poo poo Ill be walking past bars I used to live in wishing nothing but misfortune on every single motherfucker sitting there. I hope this turns out to be a time and a place problem, but Im seeing a very deep vein of misanthropy I guess I always had really getting brought out into the sunlight for me to look at.

I wear a respirator with the good filters and a kn95 strapped to the front so Im not breathing plague onto people. It makes me look ridiculous, but Im willing to take that hit. I havent been anywhere but the corner store and the vaccination site since November, Im forgetting how to be the charming guy Im used to being because Im out of practice, Im doing my goddamned best here.

Every time I go outside, its 2019 in the street. Seven people piling into a five seater car, two of them wearing masks. Fourteen people sitting in ten chairs because everyone outside the bar has to be seated based on covid rules, so some of the girls are just sitting in laps and nobody cares. My lovely neighbor having a bunch of people over to drink in her apartment and breathe in my hallway and congregate out front of the building because shes vaccinated, and then a bunch of them test positive.

Im not afraid of these things in the way Im afraid of heights, but I think Im afraid of them in the way that I would be afraid of heights if I had magic gravity powers that would save me from a falling death in 95% of cases, and strangers also pushed off something lethally high over twenty times a day. Im feeling and looking pretty crazy, but I dont think Im the crazy one here. I guess all the crazies feel that way, but my state is leading the country in new case rates.

erosion
Dec 21, 2002
Probation
Can't post for 22 days!


perepelki posted:

just know that if you do go back on the cymbalta, the withdrawal symptoms disappear really quickly, within a few days. i know you really, really want to wean yourself off the pills, but sometimes it's just not the right time in your life to be doing that. that's not to say you can't succeed, and i hope you do! but if you really feel like you're losing control, just remember that there is an easy solution and it won't leave you any worse off than when you started. you can always try again another time.

late reply but getting more meds is not an option, my cmhc fired me for missed appointments and I'm no longer interested or even capable of navigating the system

e: speaking of being incapable, that's kind of a trend. I used to follow GTD productivity and now things just pile up, I've wanted to declare bankruptcy for years now and couldn't possibly tell you what I owe to who, if it's not the bare minimum of going to work or doing dishes I definitely cannot handle it. I cannot understand how people do things like writing apps, or books, or the like

erosion has issued a correction as of 12:24 on May 3, 2021

Zil
Jun 4, 2011

I kind of want it.
Good Enough!




Spoilered for talk of death

Today is the 2 year anniversary of my dogs passing. I know there was nothing I could do for heart failure, but it still haunts me everyday. I feel that I let him down and there were all different things I could have done that day that might have saved him.

But no, I beat myself up and continue to mourn, wallow in self pity and if I'm being honest, I'm not letting him go. Like I am prevent him from moving on in the afterlife, because I am still clutching to his spirit.

Not really looking for help with this as I talked about with my therapist in a special session today, I just wanted to put it into written words and force myself to read my thoughts.

Pleiadian Light
Jan 8, 2021

for spaces are plenty in this heady canopy


Zil posted:

Spoilered for talk of death

Today is the 2 year anniversary of my dogs passing. I know there was nothing I could do for heart failure, but it still haunts me everyday. I feel that I let him down and there were all different things I could have done that day that might have saved him.

But no, I beat myself up and continue to mourn, wallow in self pity and if I'm being honest, I'm not letting him go. Like I am prevent him from moving on in the afterlife, because I am still clutching to his spirit.

Not really looking for help with this as I talked about with my therapist in a special session today, I just wanted to put it into written words and force myself to read my thoughts.


Last month was the two year anniversary of the loss of my black lab/blue heeler, Barkley. I failed him by being in prison while he passed. After 14 years with him since he was a four month old puppy in a kennel at a rescue.

When I got out of prison I took his ashes and drove by the local dog park where he loved to go corral all the other dogs as if they were sheep. I apologized to him for not being there for his final days. I explained to him how much his existence in my life had meant, and I thanked him for helping to take care of my dad while I was away. It was the toughest thing I've done in my life.

When I can travel more easily I'm going to take him back to the lake where he grew up in Missouri and dump his ashes.

He was a great person. I miss you, buddy.

StashAugustine
Mar 24, 2013

Do not trust in hope- it will betray you! Only faith and hatred sustain.









someone tell me it's expected that I barely know what I'm doing three months into my first technical job

Sanguinary Novel
Jan 27, 2009


Don't let anyone fool you, the first three months at any job are a series of "Oh poo poo oh gently caress what the gently caress is this legacy system and who the gently caress is this person?", and doubly so if it's a technical job. Don't let any poo poo people make you feel bad for it

Chaosfeather
Nov 4, 2008



I have a lot of mental health problems, but let's talk about insomnia. Specifically, PTSD and insomnia.

My PTSD keeps triggering because my neighbors keep having sex, very loudly, on the other side of the wall from me. I want them to have their sexual lives and thankfully now they are not doing this at 2 in the morning on work nights, but now on top of my other problems I am scared of going to bed because I'll wake up in the middle of another rape nightmare or worse. I've talked extensively to my therapist about this and we are trying to tackle the issue from the source but it's taking a very, very long time as you might expect and I am losing a lot of sleep.

So is there anyone who has good recommendations for earplugs that are actually comfortable to sleep with? When I do sleep it's on my side, and most of the foam earplugs I have tried either don't fit very well or hurt if I leave them in all night. White noise helps but doesn't always work, and I can't get a noise complaint myself while trying to soothe my nerves in the middle of the night.

Ball Tazeman
Feb 2, 2010



Im sleeping and eating at least one meal a day now. I still have terrible panic attacks when I wake up, however I am convinced that our house is going to kill me in a multitude of ways

1. gas leak
2. mildew/mold
3. mouse infestation
4. bad foundation that will literally just crumble to the ground
5. Run us out of money
6. Washer/dryer has some sort of mold or mouse poop in it that will give me an infection and kill me
7. deadly spiders

Cw: self harm

Anyway Im very very suicidal due to all this and the fear that the pandemic will literally never end. I literally hit up a crisis hotline every single day even though I havent found them particularly helpful. Im just trying to hold out until I can see my psych tomorrow.

Orb Crabmelt
Jan 16, 2011



Clapping Larry

Chaosfeather posted:

I have a lot of mental health problems, but let's talk about insomnia. Specifically, PTSD and insomnia.

My PTSD keeps triggering because my neighbors keep having sex, very loudly, on the other side of the wall from me. I want them to have their sexual lives and thankfully now they are not doing this at 2 in the morning on work nights, but now on top of my other problems I am scared of going to bed because I'll wake up in the middle of another rape nightmare or worse. I've talked extensively to my therapist about this and we are trying to tackle the issue from the source but it's taking a very, very long time as you might expect and I am losing a lot of sleep.

So is there anyone who has good recommendations for earplugs that are actually comfortable to sleep with? When I do sleep it's on my side, and most of the foam earplugs I have tried either don't fit very well or hurt if I leave them in all night. White noise helps but doesn't always work, and I can't get a noise complaint myself while trying to soothe my nerves in the middle of the night.

I had some luck with Mack's silicone putty earplugs and similar plugs back when I worked third shift. They're little balls of putty you roll around to get pliable, them cover your earhole with them: they don't actually go inside. You can reuse them, but eventually they lose their stickiness and start falling out.

I've never tried them but maybe sleep-phones or something similar could help?

In any case, I wish you luck. I'm sorry you're going through this.

Sanguinary Novel
Jan 27, 2009


I have a pair of sleep headphones, and they're not noise blocking by any means, but are really comfy and can be cranked up loud without disturbing others. They're in a headband made with the athletic fabric. I use them to block out the heavy traffic noise from a road outside my window. Just depends on how sensitive you are to sound from headphones.

Chaosfeather
Nov 4, 2008



Orb Crabmelt posted:

I had some luck with Mack's silicone putty earplugs and similar plugs back when I worked third shift. They're little balls of putty you roll around to get pliable, them cover your earhole with them: they don't actually go inside. You can reuse them, but eventually they lose their stickiness and start falling out.

I've never tried them but maybe sleep-phones or something similar could help?

In any case, I wish you luck. I'm sorry you're going through this.

Thank you, I'm going to get these right away. If I'm not happy with them I'll look into the sleep-phones.

Sanguinary Novel posted:

I have a pair of sleep headphones, and they're not noise blocking by any means, but are really comfy and can be cranked up loud without disturbing others. They're in a headband made with the athletic fabric. I use them to block out the heavy traffic noise from a road outside my window. Just depends on how sensitive you are to sound from headphones.

Based on this I'll definitely try the plugs first, but I'll keep this in mind, thank you. If I need the sleep headphones I'll just combine my favorite white noise with it. Thank you both very much.

DoubleDonut
Oct 22, 2010




Fallen Rib

I have a relatively easy, stable job and I cant fuckin stand it. I dont know how anyone manages to be professionally bored all day without losing their mind, and just thinking about doing this kind of poo poo forever makes me anxious. what the hell is wrong with me (rhetorical question, i know this is not a thread for medical advice)

AceOfFlames
Oct 9, 2012


DoubleDonut posted:

I have a relatively easy, stable job and I cant fuckin stand it. I dont know how anyone manages to be professionally bored all day without losing their mind, and just thinking about doing this kind of poo poo forever makes me anxious. what the hell is wrong with me (rhetorical question, i know this is not a thread for medical advice)

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Boreout

There's nothing wrong with reacting like this to unstimulating work. I personally was driven to near insanity with a dull job which was even worsened by lockdown. Now I am making a super long shot with another job where I can fail spectacularly. I am riddled with doubt and maybe could have looked a bit better but I know if I stayed where I was I'd go insane.

AceOfFlames has issued a correction as of 16:28 on May 5, 2021

DoubleDonut
Oct 22, 2010




Fallen Rib

AceOfFlames posted:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Boreout

There's nothing wrong with reacting like this to unstimulating work. I personally was driven to near insanity with a dull job which was even worsened by lockdown. Now I am making a super long shot with another job where I can fail spectacularly. I am riddled with doubt and maybe could have looked a bit better but I know if I stayed where I was I'd go insane.

yeah, Im also going for a long shot in the hopes of not having to do normal work anymore; it just makes me feel uniquely hosed up because I dont know if theres anything I could actually do that I could tolerate over the long term. meanwhile theres people whove been in this office for decades and seem satisfied and fulfilled

thehandtruck
Mar 5, 2006

An alien race's sociological experiment.



DoubleDonut posted:

I have a relatively easy, stable job and I cant fuckin stand it. I dont know how anyone manages to be professionally bored all day without losing their mind, and just thinking about doing this kind of poo poo forever makes me anxious. what the hell is wrong with me (rhetorical question, i know this is not a thread for medical advice)

the modern office is a depraved panopticon. get out as fast as you can

AceOfFlames
Oct 9, 2012


thehandtruck posted:

the modern office is a depraved panopticon. get out as fast as you can

Alas thanks to monitoring software, the home office might become an even more depraved panopticon. located in your house.

Josherino
Mar 24, 2021



Ball Tazeman posted:

Im sleeping and eating at least one meal a day now. I still have terrible panic attacks when I wake up, however I am convinced that our house is going to kill me in a multitude of ways

1. gas leak
2. mildew/mold
3. mouse infestation
4. bad foundation that will literally just crumble to the ground
5. Run us out of money
6. Washer/dryer has some sort of mold or mouse poop in it that will give me an infection and kill me
7. deadly spiders

Cw: self harm

Anyway Im very very suicidal due to all this and the fear that the pandemic will literally never end. I literally hit up a crisis hotline every single day even though I havent found them particularly helpful. Im just trying to hold out until I can see my psych tomorrow.

Just wanted to check in and see how you were feeling, friend.

Ball Tazeman
Feb 2, 2010



Josherino posted:

Just wanted to check in and see how you were feeling, friend.

My boss put me on leave and have been heavily encouraged to go in to inpatient care. Im considering it but have also reached out to some other community resources for help. Meanwhile, I am either with my partner or at my parents home so that I am safe and not alone at any point during the day.

My anxiety has been through through the roof still though because of our mouse infestation, we are handling it but I am extremely paranoid about getting some sort of disease from them or getting bitten at night. I really dont want to be in this house.

UnfortunateSexFart
May 18, 2008

𒃻 𒌓𒁉𒋫 𒆷𒁀𒅅𒆷
𒆠𒂖 𒌉 𒌫 𒁮𒈠𒈾𒅗 𒂉 𒉡𒌒𒂉𒊑




Ball Tazeman posted:

My boss put me on leave and have been heavily encouraged to go in to inpatient care. I’m considering it but have also reached out to some other community resources for help. Meanwhile, I am either with my partner or at my parents home so that I am safe and not alone at any point during the day.

My anxiety has been through through the roof still though because of our mouse infestation, we are handling it but I am extremely paranoid about getting some sort of disease from them or getting bitten at night. I really don’t want to be in this house.

One thing I've learned, if it helps, is that basically all housing stock in North America is poo poo and falling apart. I used to install security systems in Vancouver which means lots of trips to attics and weird spots and you wouldn't believe the poo poo I saw. Rain/water destroys everything in time.

My brand new apartment was surprisingly well built (first Aussie building from a big Singapore developer who moved their HQ into the podium so they actually tried to impress) but some idiot upstairs put tampons in the toilet from day 1 and now the other side of the building is destroyed. Was extremely lucky it wasn't this side or I'd be as distraught as you are right now.

Inspectors also make things sound much worse than they are sometimes. Like when I bought in 2005 they made it sounds like my lovely 40 year old apartment was a death trap, but it still provided 14 years of stable shelter and I sold it for a massive profit.

Basically it sounds like what you're going through isn't really much different from anyone else in the housing racket imo. You just care more about the defects.

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Ball Tazeman
Feb 2, 2010



I think a lot of it comes down to having a place where I feel safe and comforted. Right now I dont have that and its extremely difficult for me. I keep finding problems and reasons to feel unsafe. Part of it Im sure comes from just the state of the world, but I also understand that I grew up with the privilege of always having a very safe home to turn to when things get rough. Right now I feel like the house wants me dead and I just want my family home that I know will always keep me safe.

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