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Josherino)
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Ugh, I'm sorry about that situation with your dad ULM, I've got a similar thing going on. Almost had a screaming match with the nurse practitioner i telemedicine talk to about how I don't want to be on yet another drug (I'm on three she wants me on some kind of mood stabilizer as a fourth and maybe fifth) and I told her I was mentally deteriorating but it was due to outside material conditions and instead of more medicine what I needed was $150-$250/mo, no means testing, no questions asked, cash on hand. And she got snotty and told me no aid group in the entire country would do such a thing, it was literally unheard of to her, and I just had to accept the system as is. Then she said she had contacted the crises intervention unit and if I didn't answer to that guy's satisfaction she was going to call the police on me. Yes, I've contacted Plinkey and used the goon fund before, but I can only assume he's being utterly slammed 5 days before christmas, and I'll have to wait until the patreon refreshes at the beginning of the month.
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Dec 21, 2021 02:16
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What the gently caress? They're threatening you with the cops for not going on a fourth or fifth medication? Assuming the first three are all psychiatric meds, it becomes very hard to tell what each medication is doing when you're on that many. I'm not a doctor, and all that. Antidepressants, antipsychotics, anxiety meds etc. can all affect your mood. A mood stabilizer might actually be helpful, but it'd be hard to tell if it's actually addressing a symptom or just a side effect from other meds. I'm sorry you're being screwed over by the very people who are supposed to be helping you. I can't imagine dismissing someone's problems in that manner.
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Dec 21, 2021 03:07
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I was actually ready to go out to a family dinner today and then my sinuses solidified and I spent the day home instead  I did end up getting a guitar a few days ago and it's been kinda upset and downs, made just enough progress that I think I can keep going but I'm currently having serious problems with staying in time.Also kinda related to that and what some other goons have said, I feel like a problem I'm having is that I'm literally out of practice at even basic interaction and really don't have much at all with closer relationships; which is also a problem because I am at least lucky enough to have a place where I can make awful noises on a guitar without disturbing anyone, but how can I stumble my way through social situations without inconveniencing everyone else
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Dec 21, 2021 03:09
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Uganda Loves Me posted:What the gently caress? They're threatening you with the cops for not going on a fourth or fifth medication? Assuming the first three are all psychiatric meds, it becomes very hard to tell what each medication is doing when you're on that many. I've been on two she's prescribed me (while taking the three I mentioned at the same time), both had awful side effects, often making me feel worse. There's suicidal ideation but that's been there for years, and it didn't get worse, i was mostly giving her lip because I was disappointed with the whole ideological structure of the medical establishment she's a part of: she just wanted to prescribe me more meds and I told her it wasn't internal factors making my depression worse: its the fact I need money to survive, like cash in hand, not another food stamp card or them paying bills I submit. She said there's no pills that make me less homeless and then went down the loving list looking for keywords "Do you think you will harm yourself and others, do you have plans?" and I just wanted to talk about my situation and she just wanted to give me more crap and shut me up. And like many shitheads I have known, they escalate to threatening to call the cops to shut the other person up, which is why I have such contempt for involuntary commitment; its often just used to gently caress with people. During my time as a social service worker I saw too many coworkers and cops use it to just ruin someone for not "cooperating". Ditto "wellness checks". Someone deemed to be not submitting properly could often count on having cops rap on their door late at night, night after night. God. Just. The last time I was on 4 or more meds I started getting liver damage. I told her this and she didn't care. StashAugustine posted:I was actually ready to go out to a family dinner today and then my sinuses solidified and I spent the day home instead This might be cold comfort but in 2021, everyone is probably some degree of shell shocked and awkward as you and me. I don't know of anyone who made it past the last 24 months with sanity 100% intact. Ronwayne has issued a correction as of 08:01 on Dec 21, 2021 |
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Dec 21, 2021 05:47
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Jesus, Ronwayne. That's so much worse than I thought. Also, I take an allergy pill every day (allegra works best for me) and flonase helps a lot. I'll take mucinex as needed, but I try to minimize it. The flonase helps quite a bit. I could smell my new basil plant again.
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Dec 21, 2021 15:53
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That's almost the kind of poo poo worth filing a formal complaint over, gently caress. Edit: telemedicine or not, that's fuckin professional malfeasance, especially given how cops will straight up murder somebody for doing exactly what the cops said. Gene Hackman Fan has issued a correction as of 17:48 on Dec 21, 2021 |
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Dec 21, 2021 17:44
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thehandtruck posted:that's a very high level of insight. and the insight is the first step to not letting your trauma control your behaviors and desires. people can definitely be addicted to intensity and exhibit the same addictive behaviors. emotional intensity totally activates your nervous system like nothing else, besides maybe more trauma. i think there are AA type groups for that as well iirc. gl moving forward goon. lmk if u want any tips Thank you  what would such groups be called if I were to look for them?
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Dec 22, 2021 19:57
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Every now and then I feel bad about being evasive when people ask how I'm doing, but then they remind me why I do it. I had a video meeting with some other local NAMI board members, who are all parents of peers. I knew I wasn't doing well, but seeing myself on camera for an hour really drove it home. I take care of my hygiene, but I couldn't even pretend to look emotionally OK. At the end, they asked how I was doing, and I told them I wasn't doing well but I'm maintaining. They started telling me about their kids, and how they're bad with money and overreact to the parents' actions. They told me what I "needed" to do, including having a positive attitude. One of them mentioned telling their son that it's "no one's responsibility to take care of you." I try to do what I can for the people I care about, but I know it'll never be enough for people like that. I did my best to explain where I was coming from, but it fell on deaf ears. These are the people who teach other parents how to interact with us. I make a little money from the state by taking care of my sister who has special needs. I make a little money from teaching classes to peers through NAMI. I do a whole lot of things that aren't paid. This isn't just devalued under capitalism. It has negative value. I spend my time and even some of what little money I have on working to create better situations for other peers. An economist would say I'm receiving "psychic benefits" in the form of warm, fuzzy feelings from what I do. Yes, I had an econ professor who directly told me that. I'm just tired of people acting like that's the way it should be. All I want for christmas is to not be kicked when I'm down.
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Dec 22, 2021 22:53
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my job has decided to put a bunch of us on a special project calling customer with: ~6 hours heads up and no indication of what we will be doing, how long and what it will entail. I do indeed think I am too old for this poo poo
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Dec 22, 2021 23:34
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Uganda Loves Me posted:Every now and then I feel bad about being evasive when people ask how I'm doing, but then they remind me why I do it. I had a video meeting with some other local NAMI board members, who are all parents of peers. I knew I wasn't doing well, but seeing myself on camera for an hour really drove it home. I take care of my hygiene, but I couldn't even pretend to look emotionally OK. At the end, they asked how I was doing, and I told them I wasn't doing well but I'm maintaining. They started telling me about their kids, and how they're bad with money and overreact to the parents' actions. They told me what I "needed" to do, including having a positive attitude. One of them mentioned telling their son that it's "no one's responsibility to take care of you." I try to do what I can for the people I care about, but I know it'll never be enough for people like that. I did my best to explain where I was coming from, but it fell on deaf ears. These are the people who teach other parents how to interact with us. I've been getting aggro with those types and just say outright "I'm not doing great". And if they patronize me I just say "I'd do better with more money, want to donate to my gofundme?" And that usually shuts them up, and sometimes they donate. Don't give them a chance to walk away without being solicited and they tend to stop patronizing you when the cost of doing so is more than zero. Life got a lot more bearable when I realized patronizing assholes are complicit in society trying to Social Murder me, and I don't tend to treat people attempting murder on me very well. Ronwayne has issued a correction as of 01:32 on Dec 23, 2021 |
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Dec 23, 2021 01:27
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Thank you for that. Yeah it's a good approach. I know I'm not in a great emotional state at the moment, so I'd usually weather stuff like this better. They teach a class called Family to Family through NAMI, and they're supposed to teach parents how to interact with us in a healthy manner. If that's the kind of thing they say when I'm listening, then god drat. I'm having a very hard time finding any non-peers who I can actually trust. Normally, I'd call or text one of the few people I actually trust, but I still don't have a working phone. I know I could email someone, but I don't think most of them check emails regularly, and I don't want them feeling guilty for missing my message for a few days. I know my power to enact any positive change is incredibly limited. I can live with that. I can't take the thought that I'm causing harm. I'm wondering if enabling this stuff is harmful. I still strongly believe in the peer support model, as in support groups or just having people connect with each other. Our small, poor chapter is looking at sending a few people to In Our Own Voice Training, where we learn to tell our story as a peer in an acceptable manner. This is expressly part of one of the Family to Family classes. Without having received the training, I shared my perspective in one of their classes alongside another peer. They were invited back, and I wasn't  . I don't think I was mean, but people don't want to hear anything other than confirmation that they're a saint for putting up with us.I really try to maintain a safe, calm environment in the support groups. I know that's bled over into every other aspect of my life. I know it's not a useful or helpful approach when engaging with condescending, abusive assholes. I know I don't see eye-to-eye with these people in many ways, but I genuinely thought our interests aligned closely enough to work with them on this one issue. Sometimes, I get the impression that they're only here to support the parents, and just toss the peers my way. The "family" side of things (ie. non-peer) is divided up among a number of people. The previous peer who was in charge of our side of things burned out. They dumped it all on me, all at once. I taught one session of one class before a board member pulled me aside in a tiny office, and lectured me face-to-face for an hour about how I "hosed up." This was over forgetting to bring a short DVD to class, when I had loaded up the trunk of my car with multiple boxes of poo poo that I had to prepare by myself, with no guidance from anyone. I just need to spend some time thinking, and talk it over with some people from my group. I'll put up with a whole lot of bullshit if I think it's for a good cause, but I just don't know any more.
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Dec 23, 2021 04:46
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At the end of your life you will not be rewarded for all the times people told you "you hosed up" or other various of "gently caress you" and you took it on the chin, or any of the other suffering and humiliation you suffered. Some people need to be reminded that the people reporting to them are not serfs and they don't get to poo poo on them. (I am aware of religions that DO say you'll be rewarded for such but I don't respect those very much).
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Dec 23, 2021 06:13
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Yeah, there's no nobility in suffering. Putting up with that is just going to make them feel comfortable in abusing others. I wasn't being as pragmatic as I thought. I need to decide if I'm going to quit the board or not. I'm going to force the issue, and make it clear that we are not to be treated that way. I brought the issue up when I was manic. I went back and re-read what I said, and at least I said what I believed. I wasn't psychotic. My inhibitions were non-existent, and in a lot of ways it improved things. It actually improved my relationship with a lot of family members and not-so-close friends. Every peer I know who worked with this board was chewed up and spit out. So many people warned me before I got involved. It's very easy for people to write us off as merely symptomatic when we raise these issues. I've always been afraid of telling people off. I'm trying to wrap my head around the idea that it would actually be beneficial. Thanks again. I really appreciate all of you.
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Dec 23, 2021 06:53
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America has finally Gotten to me. Sick, work Retail, a minority... I'm even writing like an absolute loving Psycho, and I don't know why. Maybe because I feel the soul being sucked out of me, and mad irony is the only way I can communicate emotion, or hold onto a sense of my humanity in a system which would prefer I have NONE!!!! (It's very 100 Gecs). poo poo is so loving bad right now. I can't get a read on it though, one way or another. All I know is that i'm loving ANGRY PISSED and I don't like what it's doing to me. I have no one in my life. I'm scared. I feel like I'm sane only in places, and same with everyone else, and those spaces don't overlap much. I'm SCARED! IDK.
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Dec 23, 2021 07:31
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Oolb posted:America has finally Gotten to me. Sick, work Retail, a minority... I'm even writing like an absolute loving Psycho, and I don't know why. Maybe because I feel the soul being sucked out of me, and mad irony is the only way I can communicate emotion, or hold onto a sense of my humanity in a system which would prefer I have NONE!!!! (It's very 100 Gecs). As someone whose posts itt have been along the same lines I get where you're coming from. You're in good company, if the people itt have been any indication. If you take nothing else from this thread know that your anger is real and you have the right to resolve that anger. Anybody itt or irl who tries to tell you otherwise is completely full of poo poo (and probably voted for Biden, the gaslighting fucks). Your mileage may vary, but the conclusion I've reached is to use that anger to drive myself onward towards radicalization, not despair. If the situation was really as hopeless as what the status quo insists that it is, a handful of human beings with names, addresses, and ledgers where their hearts should be wouldn't have to expend the effort and energy and resources that they do to try and convince everybody that what we have now is all we can get. (Speaking of which, is there a thread in CSPAM for general leftist discussions? Would post in the Marxism thread but I guess that got gassed) Gene Hackman Fan has issued a correction as of 23:50 on Dec 23, 2021 |
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Dec 23, 2021 17:58
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I emailed the board members I met with yesterday. "I don't appreciate the lectures and "advice" I received at the end of our meeting yesterday. I wouldn't tolerate anyone defending a person who mistreated a peer in our support group. Telling someone to keep a "positive attitude" is gaslighting. I also disagree that it's not anyone's responsibility to help us. We're not just abandoned to die on the street. We're outright targeted by authority figures. We're tortured and murdered by cops. I know a number of peers who have been physically and psychologically tortured. I don't use that term lightly. This is life and death for us, and a whole lot of us are dying. We need to have our basic needs met, at the bare minimum. I think we deserve that. To oppose that is to condemn us." It's a start.
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Dec 23, 2021 17:59
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Uganda Loves Me posted:I emailed the board members I met with yesterday. It's good. I mean, good luck convincing those shithead boomers otherwise but it's important to remind them what's at stake.
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Dec 23, 2021 18:32
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Thanks. Yeah I don't expect to change anyone's mind, but I'm going to make sure they're really loving uncomfortable about treating us that way. EDIT: Feeling a whole lot better after confronting this. I also finished that project from Sunday. Uganda Loves Me has issued a correction as of 21:40 on Dec 23, 2021 |
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Dec 23, 2021 18:50
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Uganda Loves Me posted:Thanks. Yeah I don't expect to change anyone's mind, but I'm going to make sure they're really loving uncomfortable about treating us that way. Its a christmas miracle ULM. I'm glad you told them that instead of just brushing it off. That said, I hope everyone here will be okay and safe these next few days, and new years is a friday-night-saturday thing this year, so I'm going to blow off steam after the past *gestures to the past two to six years in general * Ronwayne has issued a correction as of 22:35 on Dec 23, 2021 |
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Dec 23, 2021 22:33
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TheLemonOfIchabod posted:Thank you Maybe check out https://adultchildren.org/ and see if those 14 Traits sound familiar. I don't know enough what's going on for you to zero in on a group for you but there are Process Groups for gay men and Support Groups for gay men in most areas. If you're in a bigger city, there will be more specific groups for example in my area there is a LGBT Trauma Process group specifically for people in that community who are trying to process trauma and untangle the trauma bonding that goes on a lot in those highly traumatized communities. But some people don't want to identify so strongly with a demographic and that's fine, there are groups less specific like Trauma Process or even just Male Process or even just Process. It's really about what feels right to you. Some people work better in individual therapy than groups or the other way around.
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Dec 23, 2021 23:23
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thehandtruck posted:Maybe check out https://adultchildren.org/ and see if those 14 Traits sound familiar. Oh God, I have 11 of those (I.E. all the ones that don’t involve alcohol).
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Dec 24, 2021 00:24
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Pictured is where and how I've been living for a while. I used to post here a bunch but my life went to complete hell during the pandemic and I'm relying on Plinkey bucks for food. I am stranded in Cali and have no one irl unless I return to my abusers over 2000 miles away. No suicidality but needless to say I'm not doing too good rn.
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Dec 24, 2021 03:29
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AceOfFlames posted:Oh God, I have 11 of those (I.E. all the ones that don’t involve alcohol). Yeah haha. They're pretty on the nose for a lot of people. That list is pretty uhhh....diagnostic.
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Dec 24, 2021 03:44
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Oolb has issued a correction as of 19:34 on Dec 25, 2021 |
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Dec 25, 2021 06:29
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One of our 13 year old long haired dachshunds, Eloise developed Cushings last year and we had been struggling for months to figure out what was wrong, and the best way to treat her. The end of October we were referred to a specialist at the ames pet hospital and they gave us a treatment that finally helped her. November and the first half of December she was finally back to the old Eloise or "wheeze" we affectionately called her. The 3rd week of December ee thought her cushings syndrome symptoms reemerged so back to the vet we go. We now needed to figure out if her medicine was off. The night of the 20th she developed a hacking cough. Back to the vet it isn't kennel cough. It could be a side effect of her medicine or she is sick. We start her on antibiotics and a cough suppressant. She seems to get better. We have 3 good days, the cough lingers, but she seemed to be getting better. Friday night the cough came back and she couldn't keep anything down. Christmas day we get up and she is barely moving, her breathing is short and fast. We drive 2 hours to the animal hospital emergency room. They stabilize her, but can not run tests to see what is wrong until today. We got the call this morning that she had gotten worse, she has pneumonia, she had developed diabetes, it wasn't just the cushings and they think she has something else wrong. The pneumonia shouldn't have just happened like it did. We made the decision to euthanize her. Eloise leaves behind her brothe Henry who has never been without a companion, my wife and I, out kids, and our granddaughter who called her "Oof". We all miss her very much. I didn't sleep well last night thinking about her in the hospital and have been crying on and off. I'm just crushed right now. We won't have any more "Arooow". The way she knocks her tail against the backdoor when we come home from work. The way she held down one of our hands and licked it when we pet her. That was her way of petting back. All these small things are gone now. Rest in piece Eloise. A good dog.   
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Dec 26, 2021 22:16
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Finally got a working phone. I've been without my usual support system for a few weeks, but I am very glad to have this thread. I hope people are getting through the holidays.Mr Hootington posted:A good dog I'm sorry. You gave her the best life you could, and it sounds like she knew she was loved.
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Dec 27, 2021 04:58
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edit - never mind, not that interesting of an encounter after all
Bob Socko has issued a correction as of 17:25 on Dec 28, 2021 |
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Dec 27, 2021 23:46
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6 months into a new job and I have fallen back on old patterns. I procrastinate endlessly. People are suddenly taking my tasks. I feel like I still know nothing about this product. WFH makes it so I spend most days in utter silence except a daily stand up. Other people are clearly losing patience with me. I spend days upon weeks not doing anything lying about my progress. Thoughts are always occupied by how pointless everything is in face of the collapse or terrified over other people finding out what a fraud I am. Gaaaaah
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Dec 29, 2021 00:17
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I need serious help. I need someone to help me figure out what kind of help I need. I know I need a therapist, a social worker, someone who knows social security law and the system in general, clothes, furniture, and a safe home. My home is full of asthma triggers and our neighrbors have big dramatic fights that activate what PJ says is ptsd. I haven't been sober the entire time I've been here because I can't tune it out otherwise. I don't think its healthy, but I can't function if I'm sober and if I'm sober I hear it. And the fights are getting worse, even when high I can feel myself regressing to being 10 again. I guess I should start at the beginning. I was a victim of munchausen's by proxy. My mom used illness for attention and when I was about 6 or 7, realized psychiatrists were easier to scam and didn't keep as good of records as normal doctors and had me diagnosed with bipolar and then schizophrenia. I think she was getting social security for me, but I would get screamed at if I suggested it. She was really pissed when I wouldn't co-operate with her to get on it when I was 18 because I was afraid it would mess up my ability to go to college overseas. But anyway I was on a powerful cocktail of drugs so I don't really remember anything about this period, except when I was 18 I felt like a zombie so I started refusing to take meds and see the dr and calling her bluff. She threatened to get a conservatorship, but I don't think she was ever able to do it. But the detox from the drugs basically turned me even more socially crippled and I couldn't leave the house. I lived on the internet but I was too shy to really socialize because I had no idea how to. Every time I got close to someone, I ended up pushing them away because I had no idea how to treat them, so I just retreated more. It was a vicious cycle and I had to get out. So I fought and fought and was finally allowed to go to community college to finish school. I had no idea how to socialize so I was weird as gently caress and pushed everyone away farther. The damage the pills had done caught up with my body and I was stressed and only had access to food, so I ended up 315lbs. I was trapped again. By this point I had no way out. I couldn't really leave the house and I didn't know how to drive because it makes me anxious. I think cars might be a ptsd trigger because when mom was mad she's slam on the breaks in the middle of traffic and try to cause accidents. Since I couldn't exercise, I did the surgical option and got down to 230lbs, and I started fighting again, and I got to go to college, and I managed to put distance between us. I was in Buffalo, a day's drive away. I was really starting to figure out how to socialize, both irl and offline, but I graduated and I had no idea how to apply to grad school or find a job ontop of all the stuff I was doing for school so I ended up back in Tennessee. And I felt trapped because I was constantly sick and stressed out and I couldn't apply to jobs like I was supposed to and grandma just got sicker and sicker and I didn't know I was supposed to be her caretaker and I don't have the ability to do it and I feel horrible because she's being cared for by grandpa and my autistic brother because the people who have the streghth to lift her or know how to take care of an elderly person because it was her job refuses to do it. And I'm just supposed to know how to do stuff like would care and lifting and I was so afraid I'd end up killing her, but I was powering through it and then covid happened. We all got it, and now I'm caring for two elderly people with covid and one might have dementia and I'm also supposed to pick up after two grown men. So I ran. PJ likes to take in strays and I don't think I was supposed to be her wife at first, that's just how it worked out. Things were off to a weird start because we were confined to our room, and everything was tense if we tried to hang out, but we were assured that was all the kid that was sleeping on the couch. So there was this big blow up, and PJ threw him out and we thought things were good for a few days and then the trash is over flowing and everything's tense again. And we're both having our ptsd triggered so we're moody and acting like flying monkeys. And every time I'm alone our roommate is going into lurid detail about being molested and wanting held. And they're telling me all these horrible things about PJ and and I realized I was getting groomed because they got more aggressive after PJ laughed at them for suggesting we swap partners. And one morning we woke up to screatching and slapping and PJ is triggered so she runs in the room and the aggressive one is strangling the creepy one. PJ pulled them apart and everything got weird. And that weird tension was building until the boyfriend showed up on our doorstep, because his wife kicked him out, because he's a drug dealer. And now we have a drug dealer living with us. Then the toilet broke and I don't know what the gently caress they were planning but PJ was catatonic and they were going to get violent because we told them they had to leave and we hid the knives. PJ tried to get them removed and get a retraining order but the court wouldn't help unless they actually physically got violent and then it was iffy unless we had it on tape, so we were just supposed to be constantly recording. PJ's schizophrenic and can barely tolerate the presence of phones we can't do this. So I spent two days on the phone, hiding on the otherside of the complex when our landlord helped us out and I love her to death for it and she saved our lives. I was able to get two suitcases of stuff and a mattress out of the house before they realized what was up. I then begged for money on the internet and from my family. We supported ourselves selling plasma until I got a job at the plasma center. And I couldn't work at the plasma center. I did it for 3 months, but I had to quit because I was a vulture feasting on the poor. It was killing me physically and mentally. I got covid despite having to wipe down every surface with clorox after everyone, because I have sever asthma and clorox fumes were constantly triggering it, and so was tobacco/skunk weed and bo and gas ontop of being exposed to sick people and stress and I was having to re-stock the back even though I couldn't physically do it every night and it wasn't what i signed on for. And our neighbors are triggering it by smoking all the time. and because our apartment is old and has mold. so I need to move into a nicer building and we can afford it if I'm stable. And now that I've quit my job and I was just at the point I had recovered enough from the physical stress of the job I was working on graphic work and getting my phone fixed so I could get a job I got covid and I've been sick for two weeks and I don't know if I'm getting better or worse. PJ's better from covid but she's worse from schizophrenia because she's stressed out because we don't have food money and won't next month either. I just need to get stable and into a stable environment then my plan is: find part time retail job. PJ's check, especially if she's getting the full check, covers 80-90% of rent in the new place so I just need to cover internet, student loan and fun money. Its just social enough for me to handle and assholes are easier to shrug off. I also have enough energy in my time off to make skins for online games. I'm starting with Roblox and working my way up to IMVU and Second Life. Eventually, I could have enough passive income from this I could quit the retail job. If covid's here to stay, people are only going to spend more time online and spend less real world money. The help I know I need: There is a new apartment complex being built down the street that is rent controlled and works out to be cheaper than our current place because utilities are included. I need help getting into the available units, I might have enough from my tax return for a deposit or I might qualify for help. PJ has money taken off her check because someone reported her patreon, but she doesn't actually make enough for them to take, but neither of us know how to go about fixing it. I need to see a therapist and get in a program but I don't know how. I need a social worker to help me figure out stuff like what sort of programs I'm qualified for and if I should go on social security for ptsd and long covid. I need furniture and clothing and other household stuff. I need someone to help me set up my internet and a phone line my mom can't mess with, and I need help untangling HBO accounts and those things. Ad I think if someone could point me to how to get those things I would be fine from there. I just need to get on my feet and I can't do that without reaching out and its time I admitted it before I drown.
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Dec 29, 2021 06:57
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AceOfFlames posted:6 months into a new job and I have fallen back on old patterns. I procrastinate endlessly. People are suddenly taking my tasks. I feel like I still know nothing about this product. WFH makes it so I spend most days in utter silence except a daily stand up. Other people are clearly losing patience with me. I spend days upon weeks not doing anything lying about my progress. Thoughts are always occupied by how pointless everything is in face of the collapse or terrified over other people finding out what a fraud I am. Gaaaaah if you're anything like me you'll find the will to crank it out in panic but then poo poo will just get tweaked on the drawing board anyway and the effort would have been for nothing. maybe look for a job that isn't focused solely on one thing?
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Dec 29, 2021 07:32
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Mr Hootington posted:One of our 13 year old long haired dachshunds, Eloise developed Cushings last year and we had been struggling for months to figure out what was wrong, and the best way to treat her. The end of October we were referred to a specialist at the ames pet hospital and they gave us a treatment that finally helped her. November and the first half of December she was finally back to the old Eloise or "wheeze" we affectionately called her. im sorry for your loss. I had a dachshund too. they can never be too hot.
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Dec 29, 2021 07:35
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Best Korea posted:stuff that sucks
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Dec 29, 2021 11:27
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I tried signing up for help back in the summer and I didn't understand what I was supposed to do and I contacted the local lgbt group and they flaked on us after they sent me a flyer about a yard sale. I have no idea who to reach out to and I don't have a phone right now and emailing local psychiatrists doesn't seem to work. I'm waiting to hear from food stamps even though they said it could be emergency approved and its been 2 weeks. I jumped through all the hoops, the ones society made me jump through and the ones the psychos made me jump through and I just ended up in more trouble. I'm tired and frustrated and afraid.
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Dec 29, 2021 20:33
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Well, we've had yet another one of our family knock-down dragouts. Came in from work, fox news was on and airing some bullshit about ThE QuEeRs AcTiVeLy ReCrUiTinG iN oUr ScHoOlS. I had thought my parents knew I already came out, but apparently they don't remember, so that's a hell of a time to discuss the insidiousness of a group that includes their own son. I really need to fuckin move out of this toxic loving family but thanks to loving capitalism, I have to have my fuckin degenerate goddamned motherfucker of a father trying to lecture me about morality and what a loving scene we're making for the neighbors. rear end in a top hat cares way fuckin more about his property than he does my goddamned mom (not that she's entirely innocent in this, she just enables him to be a piece of poo poo and gaslit all three of us). Just so you know, "We took you in" had the same ring as an adult as "we keep a roof over your head" as a kid. Wasn't my loving decision to be here, especially as lovely a time as I've had and am having. I remember seeing a Tumblr post one time talking about how some people like broken things or animals commonly seen as disgusting/nuisances because they know what it's like to be despised for no other reason than existing. And I guess that's why I'm hustling like I am. I want to get rich. specifically, I want to get rich in order to be a class traitor against the rich -- I want to pull the ladder back down behind me so that I could help others up and smash capitalism. The system thinks you serve no purpose? Hell, work with me, then. I think you're okay in my book. The first major purchase I'd make would be a giant loving mansion, and find some homeless families to move in with me-- a better chance in a nicer zip code. All I'd ask for is help keeping the place clean. Every apartment building I build and buy would be turned into housing cooperatives. I'd have a clinic in every building. And if any of my rich neighbors want to make a problem about it, I'd make the feud very embarrassing, very loud, and very public. Like "Joel Osteen is a piece of poo poo even when there isn't a hurricane" public. Kids who get disowned by lovely fuckin parents for being themselves could text a hotline and a car would pick them up and get them to safety and stability. And if I find myself turning into one of the fuckin monsters in the upper class, I would hope seeing the faces of those with whom I surround myself would remind me of where I've been and how easy it can be to lose touch with that. I don't want provide charity, but deliver justice. Not pitying those seen as beneath me, but respecting fellow siblings and children of God. This will not be a sanctuary, but a waypoint towards liberation. gently caress capitalism, gently caress the Democrats, gently caress D&D Gene Hackman Fan has issued a correction as of 05:43 on Dec 31, 2021 |
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Dec 31, 2021 02:58
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Segata Sanshiro posted:Pictured is where and how I've been living for a while. I used to post here a bunch but my life went to complete hell during the pandemic and I'm relying on Plinkey bucks for food. I am stranded in Cali and have no one irl unless I return to my abusers over 2000 miles away. No suicidality but needless to say I'm not doing too good rn. I wanted to check in here and see how you were doing. I wish things were different for you at the moment, and It's disheartening to read that you feel and know that you can't return to where you left - that's a valid fear and reason, and I wouldn't want to either.
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Dec 31, 2021 06:45
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now that it's 12/31 I can finally make my post about this terrible year. not all bad but definitely the worst of my life overall. leading into this, I had a greyhound named Abby that turned 13 in January. She was starting to have some medical issues of course. and obviously all of this is happening with the background of covid and climate change! january - promising possible relationship falls apart february - I get the vaccine, which is good of course, but start developing unusual pain in my legs. march - after going to PT for a while, I find out the issue if my office chair. so I replace that and it helps, but it was a big expense. april - Abby gets a cut on her leg (not unusual for greyhounds). they stitch it up, but in the other leg where they did some sort of injection she develops pretty bad edema. For two weeks Abby has a lot of trouble walking. I have to support her while she is urinating or defecating otherwise she will not be able to get up. may - leg pain continuing. unclear why. I have more PT appointments. the leg pain is now more in my lower leg, which doesn't make much sense. since it's summer, I wear shorts all the time as it seems to reduce the effect for some reason. My vet decides to keep Abby on gabapentin, and do a short course of Rimadyl (she can't do more than that because she has minor kidney dysfunction). Abby seems to be much better! june - leg pain continues. I find out my uncle who has had several mental illness for decades tried killing himself by overdosing on rx medication. I find out my mother needs serious eye surgery. july - on july 9th, abby stops eating completely. I am absolutely crushed. I talk to a vet about coming by for in-home euthanasia. The next morning (saturday), she can barely move, and is no longer aware of my presence. She has diarrhea, and vomits several times. Her breathing becomes very raspy. The vet said she could come that evening or the next morning. But to my surprise, 24 hours after she stopped eating, she stopped breathing. My sweet sweet Abigail was gone. And now I have to deal with the situation all on my own. I ask a neighbor to go with me as I wrap Abby in a blanket, and transport her body to a (thankfully nearby) academic vet center that is open 24/7. two days later (on my birthday seriously) I pick up her ashes. I'm so alone. I decide I need another greyhound in my life. three weeks after Abby leaves me, I adopt Bailey! august - bailey has various difficulties that are a bit stressful for me, not surprising. she has some medical issues but the plan is to have those addressed when she is spayed in september. she still has hookworms so I do treatments for that, which are incredibly unpleasant for Bailey. My leg pain is still very strong. september - my mother has her eye surgery. one eye is doing well, the other eye is not recovering at all. Bailey gets the procedures she needs. she is doing much better, but seems to be very anxious in the middle of the afternoon. more unexplained leg pain. october - bailey is doing better, but still seems very anxious. at the end of the month my vet prescribes trazadone. november - the trazadone really helps Bailey! I get big news from my doctor - all the pain I have is from conversion disorder. Basically it's a reflection of the extreme emotional trauma from Abby's decline and eventual death. I'm actually relieved to know that there's nothing physically wrong with me. I talk to Abby every day. Bailey is doing better and I'm so glad I got her so soon after Abby passed away. december - honestly the only month where I felt things were "okay." obviously the world is still a really scary place. my leg pain is still there a bit but definitely lessened over time. But enough where it still stops me from exercising. Over time it should go away completely. my mom still has issues with one of her eyes. they are going to try some special contact lens, otherwise she will need a corneal transplant. thinking about what is going to happen if it's the latter. my father is very much at or past life expectancy, whereas the women on my mom's side live into their 90s. thinking about my mom living without my father for 15 years, along with her eye issues. she has siblings to help but I'm her only child. Bailey is doing great - and negative for hookworms, which is a tremendous relief. thanks for reading.
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Dec 31, 2021 15:57
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Josherino posted:I wanted to check in here and see how you were doing. The last couple years have seen me lose basically every material belonging I had, and I also lost a really good longtime friend this year. I'm very depressed already, and thinking about the BOOTSTRAPS poo poo I'd have to do just to get off the streets, and how long it would take... it's miserable. I used to post here a lot (not good posts, mind you) but I've intentionally been staying away because I feel bad enough that I just don't wanna know anymore. Last I heard, people scared of the covid vaccine were eating horse dewormer paste to kill the virus. I was homeless then too and that seemed like as good a point as any to just "lol" and give up following all this demented poo poo. (As an aside, could someone get rid of the JOE under my avatar? gently caress that old bitch.)
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Dec 31, 2021 20:12
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I'm making some food I like, and listening to music I like. My life's still miserable, of course, the pain doesn't ever stop. But it's so much better when I stand up to myself and tell everyone disbelieving my own telling of my life to gently caress off. I'm disabled, and will be until the day I die. I've got severe damage to a lot of important systems to my body, and it's not going to get better. It's not even going to stop hurting. So being told that I need to believe in a lie so I'm accepted by others... nah, gently caress that. I don't need anyone who can't handle the truth, and it feels good to be able to say that.
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Jan 1, 2022 03:02
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Is it normal for therapists to cry when discussing difficult things? I've experienced it a few times with different therapists and I never quite know what to make of it.
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Jan 1, 2022 04:44
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No. 6 posted:Is it normal for therapists to cry when discussing difficult things? I've experienced it a few times with different therapists and I never quite know what to make of it. like, a tear here and there? or balling? and just to be clear it's when you're discussing difficult things, not them right?
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Jan 2, 2022 16:59
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