(Thread IKs:
Josherino)
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Ah yes, the career of subsistence farming on your free land
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Jan 9, 2023 02:47
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Well dropping random seeds on random land and picking them up later on hobo pass through is the alpha version of Agriculture.  Ain't too different than begging gas station clerks at closing time for the heat lamp pizza. You know, the pizza bushes, on the serengheti.  At least I'm no longer alienated from my labor.  (Smiley aside i have no plans to hurt myself, but you know, god loving drat lol.)
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Jan 9, 2023 04:47
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ugh had another huge anxiety attack last night and now I'm going to work on 5 hours of fitful sleep. It really sucks because it's basically entirely subconscious, I was doing pretty well mentally this week but I think a combination of accumulated stress, bad diet the day of, and a bit of anxiety about a therapy appointment in the morning hosed me up. We're moving that to after work now to see if that helps any
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Jan 9, 2023 15:12
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Anyone here have any experience with bpd as in having it or caring for someone who does? I recently quit seeing a therapist who we both estimated i may possibly have bpd but as shes not qualified to treat it she handed me a card of a therapist (who does not accept insurance) who does and sent me back into the world. I knew some things about bpd that i learned over the years but to be quite honest a lot of the online literature about bpd has been a only a few shades removed from "these are not people they're demonic entities and they will eat you if you spot one in public run away." Idk yall. The shoe fits but Im feeling listless with the knowledge that i could be bpd. I feel no relief from this revelation.
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Jan 10, 2023 14:10
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for fucks sake what happened to psych that made them treat patients with treatment history as loving criminals and giving them poo poo
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Jan 10, 2023 18:50
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Finally some good news. I got approved for peer support specialist training! It's being offered through the state now. I applied a few months ago. Google searches for training in this county still come up with a now-defunct non-profit that used to offer training. I've been waiting a long time for this. I'm hyped. I know I missed the application for most grad school programs beginning this fall, but this should help quite a bit. I'm still looking at programs, whether I have to wait another year or not. I've been doing peer support mostly for free. It'll be nice to find a place that actually appreciates me, and maybe get out of here. Holy poo poo, gently caress this place. The closest park to me is named after Ronald Reagan, complete with bronze statue 
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Jan 11, 2023 03:02
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I went to my local public library, and it made me feel even worse  Like, there wasn't anything wrong with the library. I walked the stacks, looked around, I haven't been in one since I moved across town. It just made me feel emptier than how I came in. I didn't sit down and read anything, wouldn't even know where to start since I didn't have anything in mind. Maybe a feeling that I've lost the ability to enjoy these kinds of places at all. I've been nibbling at Blood Meridian for 6 years now, ADD and being trained by smartphones/internet to have even less attention, plus being a working adult, just fills me with a sense of why bother. Speaking of ADD, my adderall prescription hasn't been filled in a month. All that does is feed my complex of "asking for help is a mistake and you won't get any even if you do".
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Jan 11, 2023 05:46
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Astrochicken posted:Anyone here have any experience with bpd as in having it or caring for someone who does? Are there bpd support groups in your area? E: Jorge Bell posted:Ah yes, the career of subsistence farming on your free land That and hunter-gatherer are how most humans lived through most of history, you can't knock the lifestyle. America Inc. has issued a correction as of 06:46 on Jan 11, 2023 |
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Jan 11, 2023 06:32
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To be clear I'm not making fun of the idea of subsistence farming, I'm talking about it being recommended in reaction to someone (Ronwayne) expressing difficulty with employment. "Being" a hunter-gatherer is also non-feasible in modern times. Whose land are you going to hunt and gather on? With what tools? How and where do you keep your finds/kills? Even subsistence farming is a very risky proposition, defraying the costs and booms/busts due to local weather events is much safer than your family dying because it didn't rain enough for the season. Modern industrial farming can feed everybody but we waste so much time and effort on making sure that a crop makes people rich that we ignore whether it's actually being productive ie feeding someone.
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Jan 11, 2023 07:08
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I think that was their attempt to "Find happiness in scraping at the margins because we both know you would attempt suicide if you attempted to re-enter the workforce in any kind of structured environment with any sort of demands more strict than "give us a direct deposit number and paychecks appear in your account even if you never show up or do anything" and losing your job because you landed in the hospital due to self harm is helping literally nobody.*" Plus, any kind of documented earned income would endanger my ongoing disability case (Now entering year four ) Per Ortho-Marxism, I am a lumpenprole and not too troubled by it. *I mean, it helps shitheads that would be happy to socially murder me, but I digress. Ronwayne has issued a correction as of 16:24 on Jan 11, 2023 |
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Jan 11, 2023 16:20
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I'm tired and need love right now. Life suck yo. Can we blow everything already?
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Jan 13, 2023 09:27
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Fan-loving-tastic, adderal shortage, not a drat pill left in town. this is going to be a hellish month.
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Jan 13, 2023 16:13
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Ronwayne posted:Fan-loving-tastic, adderal shortage, not a drat pill left in town. this is going to be a hellish month. reportedly only for some of the ir tablets, not the more common er/xr bead capsule things, although there's probably knock on effects on everything else. there's fairly reliable dosage conversions between all of the different amphetamine based medications if your doctor and insurance (loving long shot) don't get weird about switching your prescription short term due to the shortage. vyvanse/dextroamphetamine/adderal xr or er in some of the doses don't have the same fda-reported shortages and at least one of them should be orderable. although it depends on the pharmacy/pharmacist if they will actually tell you what they are able to order/stock so that you can relay that to your doctor. lovely scenario though and it happens every few years.
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Jan 13, 2023 16:26
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HEB pharmacy told me all doses and permutations thereof were gone. But that's an excellent idea, let me call the doc and see if he'll get me on an equivilent/nearest thereof.
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Jan 13, 2023 17:03
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Ugh feel like poo poo this morning, like my heart isn't working properly- I think I just got kinda dehydrated this morning while doing a morning workout and now I've spent the rest of the day feeling like my heart's failing and I'm not getting enough oxygen. I'm pretty sure it's just a minor body issue that is then being blown up by anxiety but it's still a huge fuckin mess- especially since I've actually had to get things done this morning at work E: for context I'm like late 20s, only slightly overweight, do some exercise, do have mild asthma but I don't really feel it right now; so odds are good it's not a serious issue I think? I even went to a doctor after I had my first recent anxiety attack, admittedly the next morning, and they said my EKG checked out fine StashAugustine has issued a correction as of 17:19 on Jan 13, 2023 |
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Jan 13, 2023 17:14
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StashAugustine posted:Ugh feel like poo poo this morning, like my heart isn't working properly- I think I just got kinda dehydrated this morning while doing a morning workout and now I've spent the rest of the day feeling like my heart's failing and I'm not getting enough oxygen. I'm pretty sure it's just a minor body issue that is then being blown up by anxiety but it's still a huge fuckin mess- especially since I've actually had to get things done this morning at work in my late teens i had a couple months of occasional im-definitely-dying-of-heart-failure feeling panic attacks and your description sounds like them. a normal EKG doesn't rule out everything under the sun but it rules the vast majority of heart things that would drop someone in their 20s even if they were goonishly obese and going off the old keto thread lard diet. panic attacks suck rear end though and it really does spiral from some minor body disturbance (like heartburn) to your body convincing you death is coming even if you 100% know it's a panic attack. brain is a gently caress anyway, yeah if you had an EKG and it was good your heart is ok
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Jan 13, 2023 17:47
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Cuttlefush posted:reportedly only for some of the ir tablets, not the more common er/xr bead capsule things, although there's probably knock on effects on everything else. there's fairly reliable dosage conversions between all of the different amphetamine based medications if your doctor and insurance (loving long shot) don't get weird about switching your prescription short term due to the shortage. vyvanse/dextroamphetamine/adderal xr or er in some of the doses don't have the same fda-reported shortages and at least one of them should be orderable. although it depends on the pharmacy/pharmacist if they will actually tell you what they are able to order/stock so that you can relay that to your doctor. Great healthcare system  I find it so hard to ask for help just because rug pulls like this.
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Jan 13, 2023 17:55
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Cuttlefush posted:in my late teens i had a couple months of occasional im-definitely-dying-of-heart-failure feeling panic attacks and your description sounds like them. a normal EKG doesn't rule out everything under the sun but it rules the vast majority of heart things that would drop someone in their 20s even if they were goonishly obese and going off the old keto thread lard diet. panic attacks suck rear end though and it really does spiral from some minor body disturbance (like heartburn) to your body convincing you death is coming even if you 100% know it's a panic attack. brain is a gently caress Yeah thanks, I had a similar talk with a friend a couple days ago and going through and comparing symptoms helped me a lot. I think there's some sort of underlying dietary issue going on- working on a sandwich for lunch seems to be helping and I ate kinda light yesterday. I'm a little worried about diabetes since I've got family history and the symptoms seem to match up, but last time I had a blood test the sugar levels seemed fine
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Jan 13, 2023 18:01
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StashAugustine posted:Yeah thanks, I had a similar talk with a friend a couple days ago and going through and comparing symptoms helped me a lot. I think there's some sort of underlying dietary issue going on- working on a sandwich for lunch seems to be helping and I ate kinda light yesterday. I'm a little worried about diabetes since I've got family history and the symptoms seem to match up, but last time I had a blood test the sugar levels seemed fine I'm not a doctor but this kind of sounds like when I had issues with some cardiovascular hypertension. Did you feel it in conjunction with strenuous activity and did it feel like your heart was absolutely slamming even during/after rest? e: sorry, missed that you said it was around a workout and that you thought it might be dehydration. My most memorable episode was on a river float trip while I was trying to push a canoe onto shore to eat lunch, and I also thought it was dehydration. Jorge Bell has issued a correction as of 20:25 on Jan 14, 2023 |
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Jan 14, 2023 20:22
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Jorge Bell posted:I'm not a doctor but this kind of sounds like when I had issues with some cardiovascular hypertension. Did you feel it in conjunction with strenuous activity and did it feel like your heart was absolutely slamming even during/after rest? Thanks, and yeah it comes up a bit around exercise, though usually not as bad- and since it was worse the anxiety took the wheel and blew it up even more. On reflection I think there's a bit of an unexpected hangover in there too- I only had like two beers the night before but I also didn't eat much and barely any carbs, so while it wasn't that bad it was unexpected and didnt have some of the symptoms I normally associate with it. I'm going in for a checkup in about a month, so I'm gonna ask around then- I've never had remarkably high blood pressure but also I've only been tested at rest so idk if that shows it.
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Jan 14, 2023 20:54
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I don't get it. People around me every so often say they are in awe about the the huge variety of topics I can discuss. so why doesn't this translate into inviting me for things? Even my brother stopped inviting me over (probably because I never invited him over to my super messy house because I don't want him to see how messy it is). I try to avoid any and all uncontroversial topics in conversation, I am an utter blank slate and try to go along with everyone. So why isn't this working? Can people sense desperation? Do people think I am fake?
AceOfFlames has issued a correction as of 13:41 on Jan 15, 2023 |
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Jan 15, 2023 12:43
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Ace are you asking an actual question or is your post rhetorical?
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Jan 15, 2023 13:37
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Jorge Bell posted:Ace are you asking an actual question or is your post rhetorical? Wondering if anyone has the same experience.
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Jan 15, 2023 13:41
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When I was going through some low points I sometimes questioned whether my friends and family actually liked me or just put up with me being around. Those doubts were rooted in extremely negative self perception and fixation on those relationships due to extreme inactivity in my own life. If you're not working and just spinning your wheels at home you're way more likely to overanalyze the wording of a remark, or an invite to an event/meal/whatever, and because your brain is broken it's all going to end up looking really bad. If people aren't inviting you over as much as you'd like, you can reach out and say you'd like to hang out. Be proactive when you're seeking out the things you want; assuming that everyone dislikes you because you haven't been getting invited to hang out apropos of nothing is a crazy thought. It sounds like you're already trying to keep conversation topics appropriate for hanging out, but a less crazy way to think of it would be phrasing it like I just did, rather than "I am an utter blank slate". People do like talking about heavy stuff but there is a time and a place for it and it sounds like you've had some mismatched reads on when/where those are. Great job recognizing it! People can 100% sense when you're being dishonest or trying to pacify them. Assume that everyone can read your mind, because whether you realize it or not you are constantly communicating via body language, tone, volume, and even what you choose to respond to. For instance, did you know that most of the time when you post in this thread it's usually a bewildered reaction to something you're going through, and when people address your posts you usually reply with some reason why, actually, the situation is Impossibly Bad and can't be addressed by the very reasonable feedback you get? We pay attention to you! The other people in your life do too. You're not at the front of my brain most of the time but when I'm reading your posts or responding to you I really am interacting with you. IDK it seems like you've got a touch of the 'tism or just never had a big empathic breakthrough, combined with being in a situation where you have too much time to think about your relationship dynamics. Maybe not, idk, I just read your posts here but that's what it seems like. DrHub posted:I'm tired and need love right now. Life suck yo. Can we blow everything already? sickos.png Jorge Bell has issued a correction as of 14:15 on Jan 15, 2023 |
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Jan 15, 2023 14:12
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AceOfFlames posted:I don't get it. People around me every so often say they are in awe about the the huge variety of topics I can discuss. so why doesn't this translate into inviting me for things? Even my brother stopped inviting me over (probably because I never invited him over to my super messy house because I don't want him to see how messy it is). I try to avoid any and all uncontroversial topics in conversation, I am an utter blank slate and try to go along with everyone. So why isn't this working? Can people sense desperation? Do people think I am fake? Your rap sheet paints a picture. Not everyone acts the same in real life as they do online, but I would not invite people into my life who were very negative or prone to anger and meltdowns, no matter how justified their feelings may or may not be. With good friendships one might earn a shoulder to cry on from time to time, or be given a certain amount of leeway in regards to dumb or rude behavior, but everything has its limits. Perhaps you've reached yours?
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Jan 15, 2023 14:52
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thotsky posted:Your rap sheet paints a picture. Not everyone acts the same in real life as they do online, but I would not invite people into my life who were very negative or prone to anger and meltdowns, no matter how justified their feelings may or may not be. With good friendships one might earn a shoulder to cry on from time to time, or be given a certain amount of leeway in regards to dumb or rude behavior, but everything has its limits. Perhaps you've reached yours? I VERY much do not act the same way I do IRL as I do online. Hence why I avoid having my online identity traced back to me as much as possible. I am always courteous, I always try to deal with my problems internally. I do not even meltdown NEARLY as much often here as the timestamps of the rap sheet indicate. So I don't get it. In terms of being negative: have you looked at the world lately? Personally, I don't know why everyone is not despairing 24/7. Regardless, I try to hide it as much as possible much like everyone else. AceOfFlames has issued a correction as of 15:30 on Jan 15, 2023 |
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Jan 15, 2023 15:28
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Most people aren't despairing 24/7 because they aren't looking at the world 24/7. It sucks out there, but fixating on it solves nothing and only serves to make you more unhappy.
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Jan 15, 2023 15:44
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One thing I've been thinking about wrt depression is that it is, or at least appears, remorselessly logical. You've had bad things happen in the past, so why expect any different in the future? And sure some of it is confirmation bias, overlooking what positive things did happen, but there's usually something real underneath it all. At a certain level you do have to reject that and "irrationally" hope that something better will happen- exactly how is dependent on how your brain works and what your personal past is like, but despair, like fear, is the mind-killer
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Jan 15, 2023 16:18
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AceOfFlames posted:In terms of being negative: have you looked at the world lately? Personally, I don't know why everyone is not despairing 24/7. I'm extremely interested in this question. How, in your estimation, do you think people who do know what's going on in the world, posters in this very forum, are not despairing 24/7?
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Jan 15, 2023 17:55
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StashAugustine posted:One thing I've been thinking about wrt depression is that it is, or at least appears, remorselessly logical. You've had bad things happen in the past, so why expect any different in the future? And sure some of it is confirmation bias, overlooking what positive things did happen, but there's usually something real underneath it all. At a certain level you do have to reject that and "irrationally" hope that something better will happen- exactly how is dependent on how your brain works and what your personal past is like, but despair, like fear, is the mind-killer IMO there's no amount of thinking or logic that's going to have any impact on depression. Rejecting a perspective, or accepting it, does nothing because the depression doesn't live in the logic part of the brain. Logic's in the frontal lobe and depression is in the limbic system. We perceive depression as being logical because........we're depressed, and we MAKE the logic work. As we start to heal the depression in the limbic system, all the sudden the infallible logic we were SO SURE was perfectly impenetrable is suddenly pretty loving fallible and full of holes. "Coming out of the fog" I've heard it called. The thing is that the fog, the depression, is often our brain protecting us from something (or many things). There's a lot of healing in figuring out what those things are.
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Jan 15, 2023 18:09
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thehandtruck posted:I'm extremely interested in this question. How, in your estimation, do you think people who do know what's going on in the world, posters in this very forum, are not despairing 24/7? Could it be that maintaining a healthy balance of not putting your head in the sand and also not becoming some impossibly lame approximation of tha joker irl is something that is difficult to do, yet is still necessary to not being viewed --at best-- as a not fun person to spend time around? Bo Burnham posted:You say the oceans rising
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Jan 15, 2023 18:13
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Ace I'm pissed off that you ignored my thoughtful reply but jumped at the opportunity to do what you always do, which is deny someone's valid observation and insist that your morose panic is in fact justified. Also you never respond to anyone else's posts unless they're directly addressing one of your loving fire alarms. It is really annoying and self centered.
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Jan 15, 2023 20:10
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Jorge Bell posted:Ace I'm pissed off that you ignored my thoughtful reply but jumped at the opportunity to do what you always do, which is deny someone's valid observation and insist that your morose panic is in fact justified. OK, I'm sorry. I admit I wasn't terribly sure what to say. I do agree that I spend a lot of time thinking about things. "Assume everyone can read your mind" is something that I think might make things worse since I already do spend most of my time wondering how I come across which makes me come across as more self-centered but I understand what you are getting at. I might be on the spectrum and I am currently having that assessed. Is overanalyzing things a symptom? Sometimes I can interpret something like a bunch of people at work repeatedly saying something like "Let me know if you ever get stuck" and wonder "are they just trying to be helpful or have they gotten wind of how bad things went for me in my previous company or do they think it's weird and aaaaagh". If I don't reply I swear it's because I don't know what to say and I do thank people when I hear helpful advice. Thank you for the advice. AceOfFlames has issued a correction as of 20:56 on Jan 15, 2023 |
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Jan 15, 2023 20:31
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Thanks, I'm glad you read my post and thought about what I said a little. Do you think that your intense self centeredness might be aggravating any of the problems you just mentioned? I don't mean self centered as a criticism btw (here anyway, as a pattern in your posting it is frustrating), just an observation about how you seem to read peoples' intentions or internal motivations. i.e. your coworkers offering you help isn't about you, it's about them wanting to make sure the job gets done. Assuming that people can read your mind helps because it lets you skip doing the insane, burdensome process of evaluating what people know vs what you tell them regarding your emotional state. They know how you're feeling. You're worse at hiding it than you think. There's a reason autism is referred to as a spectrum. Recognizing that your instinctive responses might be a little tistic and how that impacts yourself and the people you interact with is a good first step to making yourself easier to get along with and mentally healthier. Jorge Bell has issued a correction as of 20:55 on Jan 15, 2023 |
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Jan 15, 2023 20:53
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Turns out seeing a new therapist is a lot better when I moved it to late evening instead of first thing in the morning where we're both still getting up and I have anxiety attacks while falling asleep
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Jan 17, 2023 03:10
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StashAugustine posted:Turns out seeing a new therapist is a lot better when I moved it to late evening instead of first thing in the morning where we're both still getting up and I have anxiety attacks while falling asleep That's a pretty clever solution. Glad it helped!
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Jan 17, 2023 18:55
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StashAugustine posted:One thing I've been thinking about wrt depression is that it is, or at least appears, remorselessly logical. You've had bad things happen in the past, so why expect any different in the future? And sure some of it is confirmation bias, overlooking what positive things did happen, but there's usually something real underneath it all. At a certain level you do have to reject that and "irrationally" hope that something better will happen- exactly how is dependent on how your brain works and what your personal past is like, but despair, like fear, is the mind-killer depression is not logical nor rational in the slightest it's only absolutist. things are always or never depression distorts perspective, makes every grey area pitch black, drags everything in a negative direction it feels totally rational when you are in that state but when you aren't, it feels like the narrowest, most constrictimg way to view the world imaginable but it feels like the way things work when you are in it. feels real asf. right now i am in a depressive state and unable to feel anything positive really - i know my brain is lying to me, i know things are better than they feel, but they feel really bad. the only reason I'm able to keep myself from sinking further into that negative feedback loop is hella therapy to recognize it and just kinda halt the thought. before that, things like this spiraled into suicidal ideation and then suicidal behavior - not rational in the slightest, esp. at the time it takes me a stupendous amount of time and energy to think though basic situations because I have to challenge every single notion one by one and basically force myself to "show the math" on how i arrive to a position on anything where emotion is a factor before i can accept it as anything close to a truth. if i do not or cannot so that, its 100% negative for no real reason do not trust the sad brain thoughts. it doesn't lead anywhere good, there's no freedom or enlightenment in having everything be 'solved' by having them all be bad. it's a mind prison & nothing else
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Jan 18, 2023 11:27
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yeah, its basically the evil(er) twin of dunning-krueger, instead of thinking you know things you don't, you think you are unable of doing things you are capable of doing.
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Jan 19, 2023 03:59
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My mental health would be so much better if my state had right to disconnect laws.
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Jan 20, 2023 09:14
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What's a right to disconnect law?
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Jan 20, 2023 16:29
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