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Josherino)
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FactsAreUseless posted:I'm not saying there is, I'm saying that committing suicide in response to those conditions is irrational. It's a mental illness. Maladaptive thinking. A cognitive error. Don't confuse right to die in the face of terminal illness for suicide being a rational response to world conditions. You can't address your suicidal ideation only be understanding that it's irrational, but the sooner you stop rationalizing it the sooner you'll be able to successfully get help. And you can do it. I once said to my therapist "the world is going to hell and I am just waiting until my parents die so I can kill myself". Her reply? A dead-eyed "So why are you even in therapy?" If this is the sort of "help" that's available in this country (Netherlands), I am loving screwed.
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May 19, 2019 17:10
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| # ¿ Apr 25, 2024 01:58 |
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I can't take it anymore. I am alone because I have no life and I have no life because I am alone. Therapy is not working. Society might genuinely collapse in the next decade. The few people I mention this to refuse to believe it. No one cares about my wellbeing but care enough about whether I die that I am still trapped here for their sake. Help.
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May 27, 2019 16:06
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Chokes McGee posted:At the risk of sounding like a broken record check the op and feel free to give the crisis center a call. you don’t have to wait until you’re ready to off yourself, believe me. Nows the time to call before you get there. Yes but as I have repeatedly mentioned in several threads already he prescribed me generic Prozac, it stopped working, I told him this and in our next appointment he just went "well you sound better to me. I guess we can stop"
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May 27, 2019 18:15
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juche avocado posted:challenge the doctor on this. if they don't begin to change or at least explain their tune, find a new one Chokes McGee posted:They’re not all like that, I.e. horrible. No p-doc worth a good god drat is going to tell you you’re cured or you can just suddenly stop taking your meds. Working on it.
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May 27, 2019 18:41
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Lightning Knight posted:I’m trying to mentally convince myself to go to the gym today for the first time in months. I've never been to the gym and my acquaintances have all gotten into CrossFit and are trying to get me to join. Help.
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Aug 22, 2019 13:29
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cool dance moves posted:I cant speak for the pandemic or the crash beyond just that those are out of our control, we are all swimming in the riptide of history, find meaning in your daily activities, etc etc. Not the most inspiring stuff. Sorry. What about those of us who don't live in the U.S.? I am horribly worried that the EU is going to collapse, I will be kicked out of the Netherlands and be stuck in Portugal waiting until climate change comes and be forced to work in a farm digging in the dirt. I can't relate to most people, and my loner tendencies, zero experience in the romance department and empathy towards people are sure to make me a target. I can't think of a single thing I would like to dedicate myself towards. I just want all this to be over. I lost the game. Why do I have to keep playing? I did finally manage to get a new therapist though. Hope this one works. AceOfFlames has issued a correction as of 23:57 on Feb 27, 2020 |
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Feb 27, 2020 23:48
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Woke up today to just another feeling that the world is doomed (guess why). All my concerns about politics and the environment are brushed away by my aging parents who go "Everything always keeps getting better and better" and they cannot be swayed by anything I say. I am trying to convince myself that there is value in trying your best even if failure is certain but it's so loving hard. My coworkers talk about buying houses and having children and I just want to scream "This country could be UNDERWATER in 20 years! The EU might be gone and you all kicked out! The gently caress are you DOING?" I hear all this talk about disengaging from politics for my own sanity (which sort of makes sense since I can't even vote in this country) but best case scenario I will get better, get the relationship, the kids, the house and witness it all burning down. I really hope this therapist works. All my previous ones dismissed my concerns as well. At least acknowledge that I have valid concerns, just amplified. Not this end of history bullshit. I just want someone who understands.
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Mar 4, 2020 08:03
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I am now sitting in my work bathroom crying after having another horribly unproductive day and a bunch of my old work dug up and criticised followed by an awkward "social event" where everyone is drinking and having a good time and I am sitting there silent. I could probably have stood it but then all of a sudden this song came on the radio and the sheer surreality of the situation broke me. Two more days until first therapy session.
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Mar 10, 2020 17:02
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StashAugustine posted:hang in there man, you're not alone Thanks. AceOfFlames has issued a correction as of 18:43 on Mar 10, 2020 |
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Mar 10, 2020 18:39
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Zvahl posted:You're going to therapy. You admitted to yourself that you need help, and if I had to guess you're probably one of the biggest jerks you think you know. I don't think I am a jerk. I have many faults but at least I think I am reasonably nice. I just have a very low threshold for caring about trivial stuff. 
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Mar 10, 2020 19:45
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Dreddout posted:I've made major progress in the last few months and i almost feel mentally healthy but the past week I've been feeling really loving guilty that I am doing well while covid is spreading and the economy is crashing. Not to mention the base anxiety caused by a particularly uncertain future. If you can't save yourself, you can't save anyone. That's what I have learned these last few years. Focus on saving yourself and always remember that you are worth saving. Then figure out the rest. I know it sounds selfish, but the fact that you know what struggle gives you empathy and makes you far better than all the assholes wrecking the world. You will not become like them.
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Mar 11, 2020 03:03
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I finally managed to restart therapy and the economy and the world is collapsing. God loving drat it.
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Mar 12, 2020 16:25
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cool dance moves posted:The world would've been in this condition whether you restarted therapy or not! But now you are starting to get the tools to face the future. Imagine if all this poo poo had gone down and you hadn't made this commitment--then things would really have felt rough! You can do this, friendo! But will I have the money to keep going to therapy? Will I still be able to remain in this country? Will I have to movie back with my parents? Will I ever be able to find a job again since m mental issues have made it hard for me to learn things by myself making me borderline useless at what I do? Will the rising tide of fascism make me a target due to either my mental issues or the fact that I never had a relationship being easily mistaken for me being gay? Will I have to spend the rest of my days digging dirt on a farm? I can't even sleep. I feel like I am losing the few good things I built up. How people can think this is good is beyond me. This is the end of all things.
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Mar 13, 2020 01:28
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Unsinkabear posted:If you have any anxiety issues at all, don't look at the coronavirus thread. I am already stocked up thanks to that thread. The corona thread is not the one panicking me, it's the Doomsday Economics one (which I am now avoiding). Thanks for the advice though. AceOfFlames has issued a correction as of 01:55 on Mar 13, 2020 |
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Mar 13, 2020 01:50
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Unsinkabear posted:Is there any practical benefit to me even finding out what that means? Is there anything I can do? No. Stay away from that thread. Like I said, I'm avoiding it now. Yes, I am an idiot who confuses "being informed" with "seeking the most catastrophizing news". At least the corona thread has practical advice.
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Mar 13, 2020 04:45
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Sudden Loud Noise posted:I opened up to my wife this evening about the general dread, anxiety, and depression this virus has brought on, and get this, it really helped. It's great that you have someone to be there for you. Meanwhile I have no one and it's driving me insane. Next therapist appointment is only on the 30th.
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Mar 13, 2020 07:19
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I am sitting at home and I can concentrate even less at work than usual. I can't help but think I am working on an already terrible product that no one will want now that global aviation is collapsing. I alternate between an utter stillness at finally knowing I was right and utter horror at going "oh my god, I was RIGHT". This is the rest of my life. Watching everything collapse with no one by my side.
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Mar 18, 2020 12:58
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I can't believe all my coworkers seem to be far more productive working at home while for me it's putting my procrastination into over drive. This will get me fired for sure.
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Mar 19, 2020 11:21
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I'm feeling utterly confused today. Not panicked, quite calm actually. But confused. On one hand, people here are treating this as the literal end of the world. On the other all my coworkers are being productive (with the occasional "not sure if this is supposed to be a joke" discussion on whether to buy baby food to act as a stash) even though we work in an aviation adjacent company that is sure to tank (I live in the Netherlands, BTW). My parents and my brother also all put me on blast about my "relentless pessimism" and about how I "just want to make myself a victim". I am avoiding the news and C-SPAM threads much more than usual since it will only bring me down. So who is right? What IS going to happen? Do I just live my life, try my best and try to take things one day at a time? I don't know what else I can do. Is this was normal people do? Am I setting myself up for disaster??
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Mar 20, 2020 13:29
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Classon Ave. Robot posted:This is what people on SA have been telling you to do at least once a month for years now, yes. Fair enough. Interesting how it was this of all things to finally make me see that, if only for a tiny bit. Even though I do not have PTSD, I do relate to that comment about how it traps you in the state of anticipating the next catastrophe and thus when it comes (or something like it), it can serve as a relief. I might also be encouraged by the fact that I was prescribed some new medication and additional (video) psychotherapy. Here's to hoping bupropion does the trick!
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Mar 20, 2020 14:22
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I'm massively behind my work schedule because my limited ability to concentrate has been demolished by WFH. I'm afraid I will never work again. I have these issues to resolve I have been given with the caveat "I hope you don't JUST do this otherwise I will be dissapointed" and I barely finished one of them. I am panicking. Help.
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Mar 22, 2020 21:52
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My productivity has been nearly zero these two weeks and now I made the mistake of going on Facebook and learning that EVERYONE in my field is getting laid off (my company so far has not, but I'm guessing it's inevitable). gently caress. Edit: Anyone have any particularly good resources on mindfulness or whatever the gently caress keeps you focused on the present, especially in the context of anxiety? My problem seems to be "suffering through anticipation" and whenever there is a chance of things POSSIBLY going wrong, I always obsess about them going wrong. AceOfFlames has issued a correction as of 17:12 on Mar 26, 2020 |
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Mar 26, 2020 15:21
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How the gently caress can people keep working and not be worried about the possible collapse of the US/EU/everything?
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Mar 27, 2020 07:06
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Arivia posted:So here’s the honest truth: I do. If I really give in and let all the depressive thoughts and anxious worries take hold, then yes I can build myself into a paralyzing fear about the future in so many ways. I'm glad you feel that way about your job. Unfortunately I work in Aerospace software (which is plummeting like a rock, to the point that my Facebook is filled with former colleagues announcing they were laid off) and right now I'm having simple changed nitpicked to death because they don't conform to the byzantine architecture we have (or even better, be forced to fix someone's prior not conformity to the byzantine architecture), the people responsible for all all on holiday (to the point I actually contacted them out of sheer desperation and after helping me they went "taking this long is unacceptable"). All for a product which will likely not sell a single unit. I don't care about "impact" anymore. Nothing we do matters and is all erased by external factors. My secret fantasy is yelling at my coworkers "I don't care about this lovely product or your attempts at chasing software purity. I just want to know what it takes to get a good performance review and more money. How do I do that?". That's what I want. To be locked in a box, to be a good little slave and be told exactly what to do, be told "good job!" and be paid for it (or at least get the means to live without worry) until I die. Responsibility, initiative, creativity. What is the point of that? It's just more means of failure and more investment that then can be shattered. AceOfFlames has issued a correction as of 09:41 on Mar 27, 2020 |
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Mar 27, 2020 07:44
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prom candy posted:don't be afraid to avoid reading news during this, or at least time box it. there's not a lot to gain from scrolling twitter or the coronavirus thread all day. if big news happens you'll hear about it. Yeah, I am currently the single worst performer at WFH right now because apparently everyone else is ignoring the news. They just do their work and don't care about anything else. It's insane.
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Apr 1, 2020 05:03
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I can't loving take it anymore. The world is collapsing and everyone either doesn't care, is laughing about, somehow thinks everything will be OK. IO feel like the last sane person on earth, and everyone else has gone into all these subconscious back up behaviors to keep their minds from shattering. I can not delude myself into "optimism" or "positivity". If I lose my job, I'm done. No friends, no partner, no clue how to work hard, no dreams, no goals, nothing. Just a huge void. Still waiting for the therapy referral.
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Apr 2, 2020 16:00
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And now I discovered that I broke the code at work and everyone including my boss jumped in to blame me. I ended up having a chat with my team lead who was understanding but who knows how the actual manager will react. Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuck.
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Apr 2, 2020 20:05
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Just got off the phone with my brother. I think the only think worse than not having to talk about is talking to someone who keeps spouting platitudes like "the coming crisis will not affect you, you know how to code" (despite me screaming about how I utterly suck at it, how my degree isn't in that field and insisting that companies will more and more only want rockstars, which he says is 'ludicrous, there's is just way too much work to be done'), "the powers that be will not let things fall apart" (HAH) etc. Just ONCE I'd like to have some proper advice from someone who knows how hosed we are that isn't "get a gun" or "get involved in your community" (I have never in my LIFE encountered a "community". Not even my neighbors talk to me).
AceOfFlames has issued a correction as of 18:14 on Apr 8, 2020 |
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Apr 8, 2020 18:10
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What if you don't have any dreams? I feel like I am in an utter pit of despair and worst, that it is the only LOGICAL position. I see my coworker "make conversation" by asking random questions about objects in the background of people in the conference calls. WHY? People discussing utter bullshit about having gone for a 4k run by themselves. WHO CARES? Spouting bullshit about how this might all be good in the long run. It's NOT, do you HONESTLY believe that or is it your drat MONKEY BRAIN trying to keep you SANE? I feel like I want the impossible: for someone to convince me that everything is going to be OK in a 100% foolproof 100% logical way. But that's not how it works. People need all sorts of delusions to survive: the delusion that they are more competent than others, the delusion that their loved ones do so unconditionally and will always stick by you even though you are no longer entertaining, the delusion that tomorrow will be better. I lost them all. And I don't know if I can get them back, or even if I want to. I want to know the truth. Even if it destroys me. (USER WAS PUT ON PROBATION FOR THIS POST)
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Apr 8, 2020 21:27
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SpiderHyphenMan posted:Here is the truth: as long as your concern and care for the world/your country come at the expense of your concern and care for yourself, tomorrow will never be better. There is no grand catharsis coming, no reversal of fortune, no grand triumph where the world/your country becomes a place where decent people belong. But even though you don't belong in this world and never will, you are NOT alone. Treasure your interests, your hobbies, the things in this world that you enjoy. Bond with others over them, and build relationships based around mutual pleasure instead of mutual pain. If a friendship is based purely on a shared idea of what a better world looks like, it will never last. And if there's nothing that makes you feel connected to others besides your ideological desires, then please, please devote literally all of your spare time to changing that, and seek professional help if you are able. Is this then what all relationships are based on? Finding people who share your values is bunk, best just to get an endless array of drinking and sports buddies? What if you have to stop drinking due to medication? What if you lose an arm or can't afford your hobby any more? This just further proves that people are ultimately just fickle creatures who only care about the shirt term good times you can give them and run away at any sort of problem. I want true friends. I want people I can confide in. I want people I can have deep conversations with. I want people to give me advice. I want to do those things for them in return. I don't want more people to hear babble on endlessly, I don't feel the need to babble at them.
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Apr 9, 2020 08:30
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My psych put me on bupropion (generic Wellbutrin) after I told her Fluoxetin (generic Prozac) did nothing for me. Does it work?
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Apr 9, 2020 21:56
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Am I a bad person for just disconnecting from all of this? I feel calmer than I have in years because I guess I finally managed to internalize "there's nothing I can do. What happens, happens, take it as it goes." Dunno if it will last but at the very least I'm not torturing myself or the people here. I'm not going to save anyone, so I might as well save myself in a matter that I can say "I never made anyone's life CONSCIOUSLY worse". Seems to make me better than a lot of people, I guess.
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Apr 14, 2020 20:09
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I was feeling incredibly calm (but horribly unproductive) so far and now I am in a sheer panic after getting an email that my employer will be doing performance reviews as soon as we're in the office or by the end of Q2. I'm definitely going to get reamed. This is how my brain works apparently. "World ending pandemic? Not so bad. Performance review?  "
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Apr 23, 2020 11:30
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I'm having another breakdown regarding work. I always had problems with chronic procrastination. My productivity has been getting worse and worse before the lockdown and reduced to near zero. With all the talk of a Second Great Depression I fear never working again. My family keeps telling me that I am safe because I do programming even though I keep insisting that 1) My degree is in Aerospace, which will take a massive hit and 2) the little I have learned doesn't hold a candle to experienced software people. In fact, my company is locked in a huge struggle between people who want to learn and do proper software design and management that wants to get things done. And despite me having literally dozens of books on design, I don't know how to apply it. I don't do personal projects because I either feel too tired (even after doing nothing all day) or have no ideas. I literally can't do anything for over an hour straight. I don't know if my med regimen will help with this since my psychiatrist was more worried about depression (I once tried Ritalin but it didn't work). I know no one who I think can give me a good reference. I mention this to my family and everyone says "Everything is fine, you're too paranoid!" "Imposter syndrome!". I can't go around asking my coworkers what to do about not sucking anymore. I don't know what to do. I feel like I will become destitute for life. AceOfFlames has issued a correction as of 01:55 on Apr 27, 2020 |
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Apr 27, 2020 01:18
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thehandtruck posted:are you seeing a therapist Yes. Hope she can help. Bit then again, can anyone? I told her one of my goals was."finding out what I want out of life" and "become a more functional person" and she said that was a "little vague". I'm starting to think I have zero concept of self and autonomy. I don't have my own opinions save for my progressive values and beliefs that everyone should be respected and treated well except for those who don't. I don't decorate my house. I drifted through my career. I hardly have any hobbies anymore. I feel like my life is a slow march towards death. Am I a lost cause? AceOfFlames has issued a correction as of 07:21 on Apr 27, 2020 |
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Apr 27, 2020 02:18
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My boss just asked if there was something "blocking me" from my work. I can only assume this is code for "Why the gently caress haven't you finished something you said would take less than a week in three weeks". I said I was stressed out from working at home and having to deal with moving (which is true) but I am on thin ice already. gently caress gently caress gently caress gently caress gently caress gently caress. I wish someone just yelled at me already. At least acknowledge that the fact that I do NOTHING for weeks on end is bad. Don't just mention this in my yearly evaluation. Care about my career, my productivity. SOMETHING. How can I be responsible for everything related to my career? How do I know if I am learning something useful? I want mentorship, to grow. I don't care about our tiny company's lovely product that will not be sold anyway. The gently caress am I going to do? I don't know how to do ANYTHING. And no one cares about this. I tell my parents and they think I am selling myself short. I scream about how I do NOTHING all day, and they think I am exaggerating. They sometimes ask if my day has been productive and I often lie. I don't work, I don't cook, I don't work out, I jump from reading to Internet to videogames never staying long in one thing and my entire day is utterly wasted. My house is dirty, I keep my blinds closed at all times so people can't look in and see how dirty it is. I haven't done laundry in a month. Nobody cares. NOBODY CARES. I am going to die in a ditch and NOBODY CARES. AceOfFlames has issued a correction as of 17:33 on Apr 27, 2020 |
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Apr 27, 2020 17:18
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xcheopis posted:But have you had that conversation with your boss? Having trouble being productive at home and stressed out from moving? Yes. Everything else? Why would I tell him that I am utterly incompetent and insane? I did every so often ask for feedback and all I got was "You're doing better" a couple of times and I dunno if that is still his opinion.
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Apr 27, 2020 18:22
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got any sevens posted:do you care? I am going to the pharmacy to pick up my new prescription tomorrow. Today it was closed since it's a holiday.
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Apr 27, 2020 18:31
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I'm breaking down over having both near zero productivity and having to move. Now I was brought to the verge of tears over commissioning someone to install a floor on the place I am renting (a quirk of the Netherlands. Apparently they think the floor is part of furniture so it doesn't come standard). I can't take the time to go to the hardware store during work hours because I am afraid of getting called, my parents are yelling because I want a service I found online but they say I can't choose a floor based on online pictures (mailing samples takes time I don't have), my coworkers who are also moving managed to get some friends to carry the planks but when I said I don't know anyone who drives in this country just went "Geez" as if to say "the hell is wrong with you" and gave me the contact of some guy who advertises on Facebook just with pictures of vans (no way I am going with this since he might be a scammer or worse). So I might have to spend weeks on a concrete floor or go with a total crapshoot. All in the middle of a pandemic. I can't take it anymore. Moving out of my parents house was a mistake. I clearly cannot handle adulting. AceOfFlames has issued a correction as of 20:45 on Apr 28, 2020 |
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Apr 28, 2020 20:43
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| # ¿ Apr 25, 2024 01:58 |
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The problem with the online service is that I only have the online photos to go on. Their showroom is very far away and all public transport is only for emergencies. I get my parents involved because they know a lot more about this sort of thing than me. Plus they said they'd help with the costs.
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Apr 28, 2020 20:57
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