Unintentional Insults. All welcome.

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Rinzla

I visited my parents a while back (Quite a while back, we are talking years) and it just so happened that my sister and her now ex husband were there when i arrived.

I threw in all the normal greetings etc and sat down after getting myself a drink and began the obligatory how are you's etc. My father is a pretty chill guy and pretty sensible. My mother is where the gold comes from. She has a certain child like naivety to her that generates these memorable moments. The conversation went back and forth for a while until i heard my mother say, "Do you know who you remind me of." Those dreaded words are the words you shudder at every time you hear them, knowing that the person she is about to compare you to looks nothing like you.

Shes now looking at my sisters ex husband with a plain and straight face. I'm expecting some sort of night and day comparison. Unfortunately this time she nailed it. I'm talking absolutely NAILED it.

Mother - "Do you know who you remind me of?"
Sisters ex husband - "Who?"
Mother - "Simon Weston."

This is where a few little bits of information from her would have made this benign in its reception. Those bits of information were simple prefixes and looked something like this. (PRE....or....POST).

For those of you who don't know who Simon Weston is, he was a soldier that was deployed to the Falklands where his ship was bombed and he received burns covering 46% of his body. His face was pretty much destroyed.

My sisters ex husband did not know who Simon Weston was and merely said something along the lines of "Oh, right.. ok." Left at that it would have been fine, but id only just processed what had actually been said and upon it sinking in involuntarily launched a mouthful of orange squash 3 meters across the room onto the TV. It was at this moment that he thought it best to google the name Simon Weston. All the while my mother is sitting there completely straight faced, completely composed.

Now, there are few images of Simon Weston on the first page of google images (If any at all) pre 46% of his body being bbq'd. So you can imagine his reaction when he looked back up thinking that my mother had just told him that he looked like a burn victim. The hard part to come back from was that she got it right. He did look like Simon Weston, Before and after he was burned.

He didn't say a whole lot else the rest of the day.

# ? Feb 11, 2019 18:58

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# ? Apr 25, 2024 01:41

Peg Sliderskew

I assume he had about 95% burns after that.

Courtesy of Manifisto

# ? Feb 11, 2019 19:09

Rinzla

hockey jockey posted:

I assume he had about 95% burns after that.

He never fully recovered.

# ? Feb 11, 2019 19:11

alnilam

I'm proud of your squash launching abilities

# ? Feb 12, 2019 01:27

Macnult

When I was little I used to stare at people, or rather I�d be zoning out and they were in my line of vision, so they�d ask me �What are you looking at?� and instead of articulating that I was just spacing out and didn�t mean to stare I�d just reply with �nothing much�

# ? Feb 12, 2019 03:13

Goons Are Gifts

alnilam posted:

I'm proud of your squash launching abilities

# ? Feb 12, 2019 04:33

TheBlackDuke

our neighborhood has a HOA and they take care of all the landscaping in the common areas but always did a really poo poo job by the mailboxes on our road - just planted a bunch of deer grass and let it get overgrown and look terrible and rabbits were living in there like the place had gone feral and there was some garbage that had blown in and gotten stuck and I was telling my neighbor this and she let me know that the strip of land by the mailboxes was actually her property and not the HOA�s responsibility and so then I told her I just meant it relatively, and that it looked good actually and I liked it

# ? Feb 12, 2019 05:38

Rinzla

TheBlackDuke posted:

so then I told her I just meant it relatively, and that it looked good actually and I liked it

Back track of the gods.

# ? Feb 12, 2019 07:18

Gone Fission: We're here to make coffee metal. We're here to make everything metal.

imagine calling juice "squash" like that was a normal thing to do, and then going and measuring your weight in stones and your money in pounds. LMAO

if i was british i could get away with so much weird poo poo

# ? Feb 13, 2019 18:43

alnilam

wait squash means juice :confused:

# ? Feb 13, 2019 19:21

alnilam

I was thinking like some half chewed butternut squash

# ? Feb 13, 2019 19:22

Goons Are Gifts

I love your pants! I never would be brave enough to wear them

# ? Feb 13, 2019 21:36

ShinyBirdTeeth: sparkle sparkle sparkle

Goons Are Great posted:

I love your pants! I never would be brave enough to wear them

I love how you don't care what anyone thinks

# ? Feb 13, 2019 21:44

City of Glompton

"Well, if you like it, that's what's important"
-my mom, every time we go clothes shopping together, ever

# ? Feb 13, 2019 22:01

kalel

alnilam posted:

wait squash means juice

Yeah this messed me up too

British English is so adorable!

# ? Feb 13, 2019 22:04

Luvcow: One day nearer spring

well at least you meant well

# ? Feb 13, 2019 22:21

Goons Are Gifts

ShinyBirdTeeth posted:

I love how you don't care what anyone thinks

I wish I had your self-esteem! I'm always way too scared to get this much dessert in public!

# ? Feb 14, 2019 00:39

Mummy Napkin

bless your heart

# ? Feb 14, 2019 03:05

canyoneer: I only have canyoneyes for you

my wife is a makeup artist. she told someone that and they said "you have such a great face for makeup!"

# ? Feb 14, 2019 06:39

Rinzla

SciFiDownBeat posted:

Yeah this messed me up too

British English is so adorable!

Technically speaking, I Speak gangsta OG English. I still fight with my keyboard every time it assumes I want the � and the @ keys to switch places.

Armour colour flavour.

# ? Feb 14, 2019 08:17

Rinzla

City of Glompton posted:

"Well, if you like it, that's what's important"
-my mom, every time we go clothes shopping together, ever

My mom insulted my work ethic Christmas.

I received a t-shirt that said �I�ve used all my sick days so I�m calling in dead.�

# ? Feb 14, 2019 08:19

alnilam

Rinzla posted:

Technically speaking, I Speak gangsta OG English.

O, êower ðætte?

# ? Feb 14, 2019 13:48

Rinzla

alnilam posted:

O, êower ðætte?

Where I�m from has the accent and slang that is closest to old English in the UK. So I guess yes?

There was a survey done on how intelligent your accent makes you sound. My regions accent was voted on, and it turns out that we sound smarter if we don�t open our mouths at all.

I can�t disagree.

Omma gew um and do the Weshin now.

# ? Feb 14, 2019 14:36

pixaal: All ice cream is now for all beings, no matter how many legs.

Aren't you just a special little snowflake?

sig by owlhawk911

# ? Feb 14, 2019 19:59

ShinyBirdTeeth: sparkle sparkle sparkle

You remind me of my grandma.

# ? Feb 14, 2019 20:03

Rinzla

I like it but this is what id have done instead.

# ? Feb 15, 2019 02:39

xcheopis

That was a brave effort.

# ? Feb 15, 2019 04:14

Goons Are Gifts

Don't blame yourself. You had fun, you sincerely tried, the journey is what's matters, not the outcome!

*stands in front of a burning daycare with kids screaming inside*

# ? Feb 15, 2019 13:03

Rinzla

It�s the taking part that counts.

# ? Feb 15, 2019 13:40

Karate Bastard

Getting vivid images here of OP deepthroating zucchinis and horking them cross the room

# ? Feb 15, 2019 14:07

Karate Bastard

like the worlds fastest hotdog shooter

# ? Feb 15, 2019 14:22

Rinzla

Karate Bastard posted:

Getting vivid images here of OP deepthroating zucchinis and horking them cross the room

Not going to lie, I could probably do that. Unfortunately squash/cordial/dilute is a liquid and deepthroating it i believe is just called drinking.

I now have images of machine gun firing zucchinis from my throat. I must animate this.

# ? Feb 16, 2019 01:05