Daikatana Ritsu posted:

They approached me as I was exiting GameStop. "What's up this is discord country" one them yelled as he swung an original Xbox controller like a flail, connecting to my face and shattering my teeth instantly. The other one came around and starting stomping on me while making the noise sound louder by using his other foot connecting with the ground for effect. "What's the matter, you don't like having the same conversation 4 or 5 times in a row, bitch!?" He then took down my wranglers and laughed at my balls. "Looks like Master Roshi in 4k!" as they held up their sleek brand new Microsoft Surfaces to take crisp, clean images of their work.

I blacked out for a second. I only came to as they were splashing Guava Mango Monster in my face. There was a LAN cable around my neck. Then the fatter one uttered a phrase that will stick with me forever: "Bring it in guys!!!" At least 15 bodybuilders emerged carrying the original Xbox console. They heaved it up and dropped it on me, completely crushing my entire body effortlessly. My legs sticking out like the witch from The Wizard of Oz.

Luckily my homeboy had just paid $3.99 for a premium slurp juice, or I wouldn't be alive to tell the tale.