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Several years back my friend's mother died when she was riding a bike and was hit by a truck because the sun got in the driver's eyes and he couldn't see her. So flash forward to like a week or two later he comes by my house with two other friends. He was generally in a very weird place so the three of us were just kind of not sure what we should be doing or talking about. It was very strange but he insisted that he didn't want to be alone and preferred being around other people. But again the air around us was just weird because it's hard to know exactly how you're supposed to act around someone who just experienced a sudden tragedy and doesn't seem like they're entirely holding their poo poo together. So I came up with this great idea. We should go to this very good ice cream place near by that he loves. So the four of us get in the car and drive on by and when we get to the street where the ice cream place is there's a very long line of cars. And we're like "What the hell is going on?". So then some of the cars had signs in the windows. Turns out it's a funeral procession for some kid who died in a car accident. All his friends and family decided to get ice cream after the funeral because he loved the place so much. Now granted, there was no way I could have predicted this, but this was the absolutely dumbest I ever felt in my life. It was embarrassing beyond words. I just was fumbling for words to say at that moment while the other two guys with us looked on in horror. On a related note, me and the guy in the above story went to hang out with some other friends at their apartment not long after the first story. At this time Cards Against Humanity had just come out and was still a novelty to people so we decided to play that. So the white card said something like "A thing you hide from your family." and it was my turn to read the cards the other players put forward and they were the typical bullshit for that game. I vividly remember one said "The Tempurpedic Swedish Sleep System", then I read the last one. Here's what it said: "Vehicular homicide." You know those moments where a few seconds pass by but it seems like an eternity and you have all these racing thoughts. In this case it was all based around "Which one of you assholes would actually play this card?". So I'm not sure what the hell to do here. I was told later by one of the people there that when I saw the card my face completely sunk and I had a very panicked expression. I did actually read it but it felt like slow torture and I read it quietly and with much less enthusiasm than the previous cards. I did not pick that as the winning card. Then it turns out the loving guy whose mom died by being hit by the truck was the one who played the loving card. And he was like "Aw man, come on! I thought that would be the best one!". Once again me and the two other people were just mortified and had no idea what to do or say.
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Feb 26, 2019 08:27
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So it was gym class first thing in the morning and we were playing basketball. I suddenly get the ball and I'm right by the basket so I take a shot. And I miss, gently caress! So I run after the ball, catch it and take another shot. Miss again, gently caress! Wait why is everyone staring like that? Oh no. It's OUR basket! Oh nooooooooooooooo   I was so embarrassed I had flashbacks about this for years. Sounds stupid in retrospect, but it was like 8th or 9th grade or something and literally everyone in the whole class was there and saw me being both an idiot and completely crap.
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Feb 26, 2019 09:47
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3rd, maybe 4th date with a girl. We went out fishing, I was quite the young fly fisherman at the time. She was beautiful - I have never even been err, remotely handsome (and still am not). Punching WAY above my weight. Took my Dad's bass boat out - me in the front, her in the back. It had a load of places where hooks used to catch, and I'd just whip the rod back and forth to free it, then cast again. Same thing happened, I did the usual. Yep, it was caught on her loving eyelid. And there I was whipping the rod back and forth, scratching her eye, but she didn't make a sound - shock or something I suppose. Once I looked behind me to see what I was snagged on, I almost poo poo. I had to take her to the eye hospital to have the hook taken out, and she's had to wear glasses ever since. Her Mum was all "Oh God, my beautiful princess!" Her dad (who I was terrified of anyway) just said "Looks like you caught a big one, yeah? Ah, how were you to know?" I almost dropped dead with relief, I was waiting to be knocked out. That was quite awkward.
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Feb 26, 2019 10:31
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CPL593H posted:
I went to a gathering with my girlfriend's coworkers and at the boss's house (which I guess was the regular place to play CAH for them) had the vehicular homicide card torn in half and placed in a frame because apparently an earlier game of CAH it had come up and reminded the group of their previous coworker (whom my girlfriend replaced.. both at their work and at this specific sitting spot at the table to play CAH) and it drove her boss a little nuts (amongst other reasons). It was like 3 hours of tired wistful sighs and longing glances at that torn up framed card as well as weird awful jokes about their dead friend and how good she was at everything and how much she was missed but in these awful cringy dark humor ways. It made me feel uneasy but it made her feel like poo poo especially since it was supposed to be her first time really hanging with the work group outside of work. Apparently they've gotten better now but I just steer clear unless it's a holiday function.
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Feb 26, 2019 10:59
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Rather than posting my whole life in the thread, once I went to a weekend sleep away for Catholic teens. I wasn’t catholic but my mom signed me up for it because a bunch of kids from our youth group were going. There was a very friendly pretty girl there who sat with me for the whole first day and generally seemed into me. I’ve never been to a catholic Mass but around 7 PM on Saturday we go and light some candles and during the Pastor’s sermon I sneeze-farted. It was deafening in the quiet, dark candlelight room and super obvious that it was me. It actually opened up my friend opportunities because other kids thought it was funny but the pretty girl didn’t talk to me anymore after that. Guess she didn’t want a reputation for hanging out with a farter.
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Feb 26, 2019 11:12
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In the 3rd grade I had a friend who was so funny that he literally make me piss my pants multiple times, it sucked rear end.
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Feb 26, 2019 13:09
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Kak posted:what the gently caress is wrong with you I know right? I guess my brain was letting everyone know I wasn't ready for that kind of relationship. She wouldn't have even been my first girlfriend, I had dated a girl all through my junior year. Trust me, the next time a girl showed me her underwear I was a lot cooler about the whole thing (on the outside anyway, on the inside I was still "lookie lookie lookie!" One night I was hanging out with a couple of friends. At the end of the evening, I was driving so we all hopped in my car to head to one of their houses. To get there we had to pass through a not-so-great part of town and as we are doing so one of the guys is like "hey there's a girl there who needs a ride, lets pick her up". I didn't really see her but I pulled into a parking lot and sure enough she comes up to the car, opens the back door and hops in. I take off and get back on the road and then we all realized it wasn't a "girl" it was a thoroughly mid-40's rough looking woman that revealed herself to be a prostitute shortly after hopping in. I was 18 or 19 and from a middle-class suburban neighborhood, this was the first time I had ever seen a lady of the night and I was kind of freaked out. She tells us "holy poo poo that must have been some good stuff I've been out for 2 hours" and then thinking we had picked her up for some fun starts asking us what we want to do. My friend sitting in the back with her had drawn himself up almost flat against the door so he could be as far from her as possible, he was just staring at her. The idiot that made us pull over for her was just kind of stammering "uh, heh, do you need a ride" she's like "aw hell, yeah I guess, take me here (here was a really questionable hotel down the street)". She asked my friend in the back with her for a cigarette, he shuffles around and produces one and she's like "l don't want it for free, give me a kiss baby" and he just was like "NO". We drove her down a mile or so to the hotel and she hopped out and we got our freaked out asses the hell out of there.
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Feb 26, 2019 14:28
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one time I was in NYC and missed my bus home, last bus of the night. I wanted to call my mom to pick me up but my cell phone was dead. so I did what any kid with two quarters in his pocket would do, I walked into a Starbucks and asked an old white lady to borrow her phone to call my mother. she said "uh, no???" and gave me a look like I was a mentally invalid drug abuser. eventually I remembered pay phones exist and used one of those instead
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Feb 26, 2019 14:59
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one time in college, our community's That Guy (you know, That Really Awkward Guy) came by my dorm room to "campaign" for student government aka give me candy and a piece of paper with his face and a meme on it. he ignored my body language and tone of voice and started chatting with me. I happened to live next door to a girl who recently committed suicide, I was in fact present when the EMTs carted her body away on a stretcher. the dude says something like, "I feel bad for the next person who takes that room. If it were me I'd be afraid it was haunted." incredulous, I blurted out, "are you kidding me?" this guy must have been autistic because he went on, "yeah dude I don't like ghosts. Gives me the creeps." I plainly stated, "Okay, I have to get back to work. Please go away, thanks." He said bye and left.
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Feb 26, 2019 19:06
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Cummed, from out of my wiener once or twice in my day, haha
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Feb 28, 2019 01:10
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SciFiDownBeat posted:one time in college, our community's That Guy (you know, That Really Awkward Guy) came by my dorm room to "campaign" for student government aka give me candy and a piece of paper with his face and a meme on it. he ignored my body language and tone of voice and started chatting with me. I happened to live next door to a girl who recently committed suicide, I was in fact present when the EMTs carted her body away on a stretcher. the dude says something like, "I feel bad for the next person who takes that room. If it were me I'd be afraid it was haunted." How is that an awkward thing you’ve done
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Feb 28, 2019 01:11
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Subpoenaed in Texas, Sequestered in Memphis.
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Feb 28, 2019 01:17
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ilikedirt posted:Cummed, from out of my wiener once or twice in my day, haha Absolutely disgusting and humiliating
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Feb 28, 2019 01:22
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One time my cousin bit a piece of my ear off because he got lost and thought me and his girlfriend were making out instead of trying to find out where he was
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Feb 28, 2019 01:27
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The Walrus posted:I asked her "hey want to dance" and she looked me dead in the eye and said to me in a colder voice than anyone has ever used before or since "no".
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Feb 28, 2019 02:31
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one time a girl I was in to called me at around 1130 at night and asked if I wanted to come "hang out and play board games" and to bring beer. I did, and we played some with her roommates for about an hour until they went to bed, leaving the two of us alone in her room. We were on the bed and she leaned into me asking what I wanted to do now. I was in competitive-drunk mode unfortunately and said "i saw you have monopoly, i'll kick your rear end at that, get it out". She sighed and said not tonight and asked if I could think of anything else. So I said let's go walk to ihop. So we did, and I had to sleep on the floor when we got back because she obviously gave up on me. I was never invited back, for very good reason. I blame the four loko for rerouting all thoughts from the "get laid" part of my brain that should have taken over in that situation.
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Feb 28, 2019 02:45
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Once upon a time, there was a truck
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Feb 28, 2019 05:26
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ilikedirt posted:How is that an awkward thing you’ve done Not really something I did I guess, rather "this was a really cringey moment that I've tried to forget"
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Feb 28, 2019 06:43
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yeah I eat rear end posted:one time a girl I was in to called me at around 1130 at night and asked if I wanted to come "hang out and play board games" and to bring beer. I did, and we played some with her roommates for about an hour until they went to bed, leaving the two of us alone in her room. We were on the bed and she leaned into me asking what I wanted to do now. I was in competitive-drunk mode unfortunately and said "i saw you have monopoly, i'll kick your rear end at that, get it out". She sighed and said not tonight and asked if I could think of anything else. So I said let's go walk to ihop. So we did, and I had to sleep on the floor when we got back because she obviously gave up on me. Lol this is good stuff.
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Feb 28, 2019 07:20
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At my 5 year high school reunion, a former classmate admitted to me that she had a thing for me in school, but I never noticed and she was too shy to say anything. I no longer lived in my hometown and neither did my folks, but she was still living at home. We had a drink at a bar and then I offered to drive her home, but she indicated that she wasn't ready to go back. So, being too broke to spring for a motel, I decided to park in what I thought was a secluded area and we were fooling around in the back seat of my car. Minutes of making out pass, and then she gets naked and I'm starting to go down on her when I hear a *tap tap tap* on the car window. I launch upwards, hit my head on the ceiling and turn around to see a cop standing by the door. He tells me to get out of the vehicle and so I shuffle out, mostly undressed. He shines his mag-lite in her face and says "Is this consensual?" and, completely mortified, she says: "Yes, daddy." Her dad was a cop. He took her home and we never spoke again after that.
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Feb 28, 2019 08:47
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Ollu posted:At my 5 year high school reunion, a former classmate admitted to me that she had a thing for me in school, but I never noticed and she was too shy to say anything. I no longer lived in my hometown and neither did my folks, but she was still living at home. We had a drink at a bar and then I offered to drive her home, but she indicated that she wasn't ready to go back. So, being too broke to spring for a motel, I decided to park in what I thought was a secluded area and we were fooling around in the back seat of my car. Minutes of making out pass, and then she gets naked and I'm starting to go down on her when I hear a *tap tap tap* on the car window. I launch upwards, hit my head on the ceiling and turn around to see a cop standing by the door. He tells me to get out of the vehicle and so I shuffle out, mostly undressed. He shines his mag-lite in her face and says "Is this consensual?" and, completely mortified, she says: "Yes, daddy." 5 year reunion? I’ve never heard of such a thing. Also L oh loving L.
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Feb 28, 2019 08:55
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You are lucky you made it out alive
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Feb 28, 2019 09:22
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Ollu posted:At my 5 year high school reunion, a former classmate admitted to me that she had a thing for me in school, but I never noticed and she was too shy to say anything. I no longer lived in my hometown and neither did my folks, but she was still living at home. We had a drink at a bar and then I offered to drive her home, but she indicated that she wasn't ready to go back. So, being too broke to spring for a motel, I decided to park in what I thought was a secluded area and we were fooling around in the back seat of my car. Minutes of making out pass, and then she gets naked and I'm starting to go down on her when I hear a *tap tap tap* on the car window. I launch upwards, hit my head on the ceiling and turn around to see a cop standing by the door. He tells me to get out of the vehicle and so I shuffle out, mostly undressed. He shines his mag-lite in her face and says "Is this consensual?" and, completely mortified, she says: "Yes, daddy." The ultimate Freud cucking
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Feb 28, 2019 09:43
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Ollu posted:At my 5 year high school reunion, a former classmate admitted to me that she had a thing for me in school, but I never noticed and she was too shy to say anything. I no longer lived in my hometown and neither did my folks, but she was still living at home. We had a drink at a bar and then I offered to drive her home, but she indicated that she wasn't ready to go back. So, being too broke to spring for a motel, I decided to park in what I thought was a secluded area and we were fooling around in the back seat of my car. Minutes of making out pass, and then she gets naked and I'm starting to go down on her when I hear a *tap tap tap* on the car window. I launch upwards, hit my head on the ceiling and turn around to see a cop standing by the door. He tells me to get out of the vehicle and so I shuffle out, mostly undressed. He shines his mag-lite in her face and says "Is this consensual?" and, completely mortified, she says: "Yes, daddy." You are so lucky to be alive.  Also I've never heard of a 5 year high school reunion in my life.
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Feb 28, 2019 16:25
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It was a typo, 50 year reunion.
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Feb 28, 2019 16:29
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Cough Drop The Beat posted:You are so lucky to be alive. My class had a 5 year reunion too, I didn't go but it happened. I heard a weird girl that had ignored me or treated me with barely veiled contempt while we were in school was looking for me there.
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Feb 28, 2019 16:37
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I started 9th grade and was paired with two other girls in Earth Science class for labs early on. Keep in mind I'm a horribly shy, ultra nerdy dork and awkward in every loving way. I started talking to one of the girls more and more in and outside of class. We were having lunch together sometimes. She was fun to be around and pretty cute. Very bubbly and sarcastic. But we were just friends and my self-esteem was too horrifically low to believe otherwise. One day we're just talking about whatever and it's getting close to the homecoming dance and one girl says "Hey, wouldn't it be cute if you asked her out for homecoming?" I kind of thought for 4 or 5 seconds there and proceeded to totally ignore what she said and moved on to other topics, as if it never happened. The girl who was very blatantly into me keeps dropping hints over the next couple weeks, including asking me what kind of dress I liked, but being that I was a goddamn idiot and had zero confidence in myself I never asked her out. She barely ever talked to me again after the homecoming dance. I had other obvious moments where I missed out on girls crushing on me or the like, but that was the most egregious and depressingly awful incident. I'm so glad to be long past my awkward high school years! Cough Drop The Beat fucked around with this message at 17:07 on Feb 28, 2019 |
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Feb 28, 2019 16:54
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Local Weather posted:I heard a weird girl that had ignored me or treated me with barely veiled contempt while we were in school was looking for me there. 
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Feb 28, 2019 17:06
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Asked a girl to date(giving her a pair of earrings) when I was 11 or 12 in a room filled with friends and acquaintances. She said "what the gently caress, no!" and everyone mocked me for about 20 minutes and sporadically throughout the year. That's my story, thank you for reading
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Feb 28, 2019 17:16
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She took the earrings though
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Feb 28, 2019 17:22
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I don’t know if this is awkward per se but it definitely made me afraid of girls for 4 years! In the 5th grade, I was 10 years old and we had a school dance coming up. I asked this girl who I sat next to during reading time if she wanted to go with me and she said yes! Then she went to lunch. Her table is super rowdy and laughing the entire lunch period. After lunch she comes up to me and says “I thought about it and I don’t want to go the dance with you.” Cue every girl in my class making fun of me for “getting dumped” for the rest of the season. I basically don’t talk to any girl outside of school projects or church until High School about 4 years later. That girl also grew up to treat me like poo poo for the rest of school until I started dating in high school and then suddenly she stopped talking poo poo.
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Feb 28, 2019 17:34
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FilthyImp posted:Did she take care of her unibrow by then? She was pretty plain in HS, when I saw here at the 10 year reunion she had shifted into the a-little-ugly category.
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Feb 28, 2019 17:44
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yeah I eat rear end posted:one time a girl I was in to called me at around 1130 at night and asked if I wanted to come "hang out and play board games" and to bring beer. I did, and we played some with her roommates for about an hour until they went to bed, leaving the two of us alone in her room. We were on the bed and she leaned into me asking what I wanted to do now. I was in competitive-drunk mode unfortunately and said "i saw you have monopoly, i'll kick your rear end at that, get it out". She sighed and said not tonight and asked if I could think of anything else. So I said let's go walk to ihop. So we did, and I had to sleep on the floor when we got back because she obviously gave up on me. How do you be drunk and not want to gently caress?
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Feb 28, 2019 20:22
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That ones on her if she couldn't wait for the lovin tank to get filled up first.
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Feb 28, 2019 21:20
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The girl crush awkwardness situations reminded me that I also was very awkward and shy around girls through high school and I had a few that openly admitted they liked me at some point after that I also liked but never thought it was the case. One girl was extra cute and my type that I sat next to in my science class one year and she gave me her number randomly one day and I never called. She must have thought I wasn't interested instead of being terribly afraid to speak to her on that level. I didn't even think it was possible that she liked me, more that she was being friendly. In hind sight that was her cue to ask her to hang out outside of class and I never did because I was a stupid, shy mother fucker.
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Feb 28, 2019 22:11
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The most awkward thing to ever happen to me was in college. I used to hang out with 4 other nerds in their mancave (a toolshed that had 2 couches and a recliner chair with a CRT and nintendo 64) playing smash bros. We called it Uncle Toms Cabin because it was at our mate toms house just off of campus. I had a pretty open crush on Tom and spent more time with him than any of the others. One day I'm sitting in between tom and one of the others. Other guy was heafty and tall and I could tell he was interested but never really made much out of it because I figured he was the type to voice these kinds of things if he was serious. Suddenly he puts his arm around me and I'm like *oh? So he feels like that?*. I'm weirded but not creeped, but then Tom looked pissed and decides put his hand on my thigh. At this point we're on one end of the longer of the two couches and I've got two nerds in a groping match on my body. I power through a few more minutes of this before I decide to go to the bathroom. When I return I squeeze my way into the back and sit with another one of the guys and start talking about how weird that was. (The two of them had gone into the main house.) Tom later invites me out to go see "grandpa drinky" who would be the frat alumni of the group if it were a fraternity. The name wasn't just for show either, that night nearly everyone in that house got black out drunk except for me and grandpa drinky. I made out with tom that night. When we got back to his place we both lamented our actions and decided to remain friends. At the end of the year we decided to have a small party at big guys place and of course we get really drunk only this time I get blackout drunk and apparently start kissing/making out with everyone who would say yes. I ended up waking up giving a handy to big guy while he was grinding his dick into my rear end. I pretty much lept out of bed when I regained consciousness thinking it would be bad to have sex under these conditions. When I left that year the Cabin club was quietly dissolved, they all apparently stayed friends from what I can piece together but nothing was ever the same.
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Feb 28, 2019 23:43
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SleepySonata posted:The most awkward thing to ever happen to me was in college. I used to hang out with 4 other nerds in their mancave (a toolshed that had 2 couches and a recliner chair with a CRT and nintendo 64) playing smash bros. We called it Uncle Toms Cabin because it was at our mate toms house just off of campus. I had a pretty open crush on Tom and spent more time with him than any of the others. One day I'm sitting in between tom and one of the others. Other guy was heafty and tall and I could tell he was interested but never really made much out of it because I figured he was the type to voice these kinds of things if he was serious. Suddenly he puts his arm around me and I'm like *oh? So he feels like that?*. I'm weirded but not creeped, but then Tom looked pissed and decides put his hand on my thigh. At this point we're on one end of the longer of the two couches and I've got two nerds in a groping match on my body. I power through a few more minutes of this before I decide to go to the bathroom. When I return I squeeze my way into the back and sit with another one of the guys and start talking about how weird that was. (The two of them had gone into the main house.) Tom later invites me out to go see "grandpa drinky" who would be the frat alumni of the group if it were a fraternity. The name wasn't just for show either, that night nearly everyone in that house got black out drunk except for me and grandpa drinky. I made out with tom that night. When we got back to his place we both lamented our actions and decided to remain friends. At the end of the year we decided to have a small party at big guys place and of course we get really drunk only this time I get blackout drunk and apparently start kissing/making out with everyone who would say yes. I ended up waking up giving a handy to big guy while he was grinding his dick into my rear end. I pretty much lept out of bed when I regained consciousness thinking it would be bad to have sex under these conditions. When I left that year the Cabin club was quietly dissolved, they all apparently stayed friends from what I can piece together but nothing was ever the same.   
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Mar 1, 2019 03:49
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SleepySonata posted:The most awkward thing to ever happen to me was in college. I used to hang out with 4 other nerds in their mancave (a toolshed that had 2 couches and a recliner chair with a CRT and nintendo 64) playing smash bros. We called it Uncle Toms Cabin because it was at our mate toms house just off of campus. I had a pretty open crush on Tom and spent more time with him than any of the others. One day I'm sitting in between tom and one of the others. Other guy was heafty and tall and I could tell he was interested but never really made much out of it because I figured he was the type to voice these kinds of things if he was serious. Suddenly he puts his arm around me and I'm like *oh? So he feels like that?*. I'm weirded but not creeped, but then Tom looked pissed and decides put his hand on my thigh. At this point we're on one end of the longer of the two couches and I've got two nerds in a groping match on my body. I power through a few more minutes of this before I decide to go to the bathroom. When I return I squeeze my way into the back and sit with another one of the guys and start talking about how weird that was. (The two of them had gone into the main house.) Tom later invites me out to go see "grandpa drinky" who would be the frat alumni of the group if it were a fraternity. The name wasn't just for show either, that night nearly everyone in that house got black out drunk except for me and grandpa drinky. I made out with tom that night. When we got back to his place we both lamented our actions and decided to remain friends. At the end of the year we decided to have a small party at big guys place and of course we get really drunk only this time I get blackout drunk and apparently start kissing/making out with everyone who would say yes. I ended up waking up giving a handy to big guy while he was grinding his dick into my rear end. I pretty much lept out of bed when I regained consciousness thinking it would be bad to have sex under these conditions. When I left that year the Cabin club was quietly dissolved, they all apparently stayed friends from what I can piece together but nothing was ever the same. What are their forums names?
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Mar 1, 2019 04:20
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When I was in 7th grade I really liked this girl and we "going out" which meant just holding hands and saying we were going out. At one point my friends start telling me its been long enough I should kiss her. This is the first time I would have kissed a girl so I was understandably nervous. Finally one day I work up the courage and decide when we are walking of school to take the bus home I was going to do it. We walk out and I tell her to stop, turn her to face me, and say "Its time to Kiss." She starts laughing her rear end off and walking away. I walk on the bus felling like poo poo and by this point she had told most of the people on the bus. Everyone teased me the entire way home. A few years ago I was fooling around with a girl I met at the gym. This had been going on for a month or so and she decides its time for us to have sex for the first time and for it to be unprotected. I was suddenly torn because we were both naked and I hadn't had sex in 8 years but I should at least wear a condom. I don't have any and neither does she so my brain gets stuck trying to figure out what to do. She finally asks me what I'm waiting for and I ask her "What's your stance on abortion again?" She finally just exasperatedly says "Are you going to gently caress me or not?!" Realizing I was losing her I finally said gently caress it. While at a comedy show and after telling the comedian I was shot in the head in Iraq I yelled at him to make a joke about it.
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Mar 1, 2019 05:07
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| # ? Apr 18, 2024 08:45 |
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yeah I eat rear end posted:. I was in competitive-drunk mode unfortunately and said "i saw you have monopoly, i'll kick your rear end at that, get it out". She sighed and said not tonight and asked if I could think of anything else. Bro fuckin what lol Monopoly sucks rear end
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Mar 1, 2019 05:31
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