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Listen guys. Im a goblin. I deal with other goblins. If you smell worse than my buds over here then were gonna have a problem. Please. I will give you a free Instant wash spell, just use it.
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Feb 27, 2019 06:38
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Howcome there's no fantasy books from the goblin's perspective? It's always just tales of genocide.
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Feb 27, 2019 06:40
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And if all is good and rufus isreal..
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Feb 27, 2019 06:44
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SilvergunSuperman posted:Howcome there's no fantasy books from the goblin's perspective? Goblins find it hard to escape the poor underclass and are typecast as thieves and murderers. Paladins and the like perpetuate "born evil" bigotry.
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Feb 27, 2019 07:03
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i'm just like any other 17th century Icelandic sorcerer, i put my necropants on one leg at a time
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Feb 27, 2019 07:06
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Feb 27, 2019 07:15
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Barbarians just keep attacking me, how do they loving KNOW I'M A WIZARD FOR SURE? On an unrelated note can anyone recommend some skull polish? I got all these skulls I wear but I want them to really gleam.
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Feb 27, 2019 07:32
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Cat Army
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I don't find facial hair that important at all. I mean, I'm a lich for crying out loud.
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Feb 27, 2019 07:36
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kazr posted:i'm just like any other 17th century Icelandic sorcerer, i put my necropants on one leg at a time I put mine on THREE legs at a time. 
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Feb 27, 2019 07:52
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A few days ago, I cast a spell that kept the scriptorium open 24/7. But the librarian died of exhaustion yesterday. Help?
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Feb 27, 2019 08:08
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I wish sorcerers kept to their own thread. Pick up a book, idiots!
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Feb 27, 2019 08:38
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About to portal some mofos over to Greater Faydark, jump in the group if you want to ride with me
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Feb 27, 2019 08:42
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Comfy Fleece Sweater posted:I wish sorcerers kept to their own thread. Pick up a book, idiots! sorcerers are the chads of the magic world
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Feb 27, 2019 08:43
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Kobold wizard here, only a part time adventurer tho. I'm getting real sick of my party saying "Guess a caster is needed for this next mission, looks like we all need to take a wiz!" Then they all look at me. 
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Feb 27, 2019 08:55
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https://youtu.be/4cZqRzHnI8s
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Feb 27, 2019 08:56
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KillerJunglist posted:Kobold wizard here, only a part time adventurer tho. I'm getting real sick of my party saying "Guess a caster is needed for this next mission, looks like we all need to take a wiz!" Then they all look at me. Did you specialize in Urine based spells?
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Feb 27, 2019 09:06
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ClamdestineBoyster posted:Girls can be wizettes too. every wizard should have a beard. if lady wizards don't want luxurious facial hair they should choose a different career. sweet geek swag posted:I don't find facial hair that important at all. I mean, I'm a lich for crying out loud. sure, right, you can use your arcane might to attain an eternal un-life but growing a beard on your skull is too difficult.
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Feb 27, 2019 09:09
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Guys new necromancer here, how do I keep my empire under wraps? So ive been raising the dead for my own schemes, but see I got a gimmick. Im only raising long dead bodies on battlegrounds, not making my own or making grandma a zombie. Thats just mean. Im simply using the undead for labor. So far im trying to farm with them, build a few houses, maybe a bridge or two once I get some more skellingtons. However, every single time I get decent headway, a group of 3-6 adventurer types bust through my operation, destroy all my undead, and loot my house. When I went to complain to the local guard they tried to arrest ME! This is happened enough that now I designate a skeleton with a crown and robes so the adventurers think hes the leader while I hide in my wardrobe. Its sorta hard to farm underground so where can i run this operation without hero types busting it up? And dont give me no "durr use your power to create a demiplane" bullshit. Im sure every single caster online can cast 1000 level 9 spells but im still working on mastering the basics ok?
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Feb 27, 2019 11:28
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Hello fellow wizards and wizettes! How do you do? I think it would be cool if we all revealed the location of our wizard towers to each other. For instance, mine is in downtown Manhattan. It's big and blue, you can't miss it. Where are yours? Also, if you have any security measures installed that we should know about, please detail them as well. Welp, see you! Real soon  Haha, just kidding!
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Feb 27, 2019 13:38
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gimme the GOD drat candy posted:short answer is yes. skull hoarding is a real problem. long answer is yes, except for necromancers. I'll stop hoarding skulls next week. I just need to eat soup out of one of them as a last blaze of glory
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Feb 27, 2019 13:50
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I really enjoy my necromancer. its fun having an army of dead doing your bidding.
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Feb 27, 2019 13:54
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Double Monocle posted:Guys new necromancer here, how do I keep my empire under wraps? It's all about psychology with adventurers. I like to hang around in the local tavern and sell any passing adventurers amulets that "make them invisible to the undead". They get to think they're being clever by sneaking past all your skeletons and only destroying the leader (nice job figuring that one out for yourself, btw) and if you leave some big, obvious treasure lying around for them to take they don't usually both searching for the actual good stuff.
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Feb 27, 2019 14:19
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PSA for the magic user thread: scrolls of protection do not prevent pregnancy
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Feb 27, 2019 14:33
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Whybird posted:It's all about psychology with adventurers. I like to hang around in the local tavern and sell any passing adventurers amulets that "make them invisible to the undead". They get to think they're being clever by sneaking past all your skeletons and only destroying the leader (nice job figuring that one out for yourself, btw) and if you leave some big, obvious treasure lying around for them to take they don't usually both searching for the actual good stuff. Tried this several times Tried to sell one to a barbarian, he ripped my arm off for daring to sell him "pussy wizard stuff" Two centuries later, found an adventurer party that actually had someone that knew how to identify amulets. They (rightly) accused me of being a necromancer and I ended up burned at the stake. I'm just a vengeful spirit now.
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Feb 27, 2019 14:43
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I recently purchased a wonderful castle to set up residence in, but I have a few problems. I'm not the best DIY guy out there, but I'm hoping my fellow magic folk could assist. 1) There's a howling vortex in the basement. This was actually a selling point for me, as it will dissuade any dungeon crawlers from invading my home. And it's a super convenient place to toss my garbage. But here's the problem - it's slowly growing. Is there a way to control its size? I'm worried it's going to hit some of the load-bearing skull pillars soon. 2) I have a cursed room. I can hear you already - "That's the opposite of a problem!". And I agree, except I didn't know that until I put a bunch of my poo poo in there and closed the door. Now every time I open that door I'm magically teleported to another part of the castle. Does anyone have a quick DIY fix for a cursed room? I just need to get my Nintendo Switch and some baseball cards out of there. 3) The castle has a beautiful tower overlooking the Plains of Madness, and I set up a nice little observatory/elemental magic channeling room up there. One problem - the ventilation isn't great. I was smoking some Rambler's Grass in there and ended up stinking up half the castle. My friend, Darlax the Unseeing, suggested I install an enchanted fan that blows the odors out onto the plains. Is this something I could do myself and is there any risk of the odors attracting Direwolves or Skinwalkers? Thanks in advance!
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Feb 27, 2019 15:27
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Hihohe posted:Manticores are too smart. they eventually will figure out thier cage and get out, But it usually takes a couple of months. If you can enslave its mind then go wild. Basilisk and cockatrices have the same problem and you need an anti petrifacation item before even considering tangling with them. There is only one Tarrasque and its way to much trouble, believe me. I can mentally control at least one more creature now that I've leveled up, I just need to choose what that creature is. Goblins are too sentient for my power to work on them, plus they expect to be paid, so I'd rather not work with them. I'm more concerned about managing my new pet's care and feeding. Princess is pretty independent now, but she needed a lot of attention when she was a hatchling. My fingers still have the scars to prove it! I'd like something a bit more low-maintenance, if possible. Klyith posted:If you've already got a dragon, a backup monster is gonna be a disappointing encore at best. This is a really intriguing idea - and rust monsters are so cute and goofy-looking  - but how am I supposed to keep my gold safe from them? I know they prefer ferrous metal, so do I just keep them gorged on that? I guess I can get some old farm equipment from the peasants whenever adventurer armor and weapons aren't available. Or are there wards I can place so they can't get into my gold stash? I'd have to hire somebody to make them for me.dudeness posted:Barbarians just keep attacking me, how do they loving KNOW I'M A WIZARD FOR SURE? Halser posted:Tried to sell one to a barbarian, he ripped my arm off for daring to sell him "pussy wizard stuff" Barbarians are such assholes. I remember the last time I went to the tavern and this one kept ogling me and making rude comments. I wanted to have a drink in peace, but just because I dress all in leather he thinks I'm DTF his oafish inbred rear end! I will tell you Princess ate well that night 
Pththya-lyi fucked around with this message at 16:35 on Feb 27, 2019 |
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Feb 27, 2019 16:32
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Hey can any of you guys recommend me a nice sharp knife for blood magic to summon the nether? I kinda want to go old school with an obsidian blade but I think that might not attract the tavern wenches. Thanks!
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Feb 27, 2019 16:38
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A Fancy Hat posted:I recently purchased a wonderful castle to set up residence in, but I have a few problems. I'm not the best DIY guy out there, but I'm hoping my fellow magic folk could assist. Post a picture of the hole in your castle
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Feb 27, 2019 16:56
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A Fancy Hat posted:2) I have a cursed room. I can hear you already - "That's the opposite of a problem!". And I agree, except I didn't know that until I put a bunch of my poo poo in there and closed the door. Now every time I open that door I'm magically teleported to another part of the castle. Does anyone have a quick DIY fix for a cursed room? I just need to get my Nintendo Switch and some baseball cards out of there. get the uncursing password from the previous owner, otherwise you'll have to hard reset every enchantment in the castle
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Feb 27, 2019 17:25
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Comfy Fleece Sweater posted:Post a picture of the hole in your castle My magic energy is too low right now to activate my Captum Pictographus spell. I think I'm going to toss my Blood Red Cape down there to at least cover this poo poo up, that should counter the magic, right?
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Feb 27, 2019 17:27
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Halser posted:get the uncursing password from the previous owner, otherwise you'll have to hard reset every enchantment in the castle I would love to but, long story, the previous owner got into a huge argument with his Familiar. I don't know the whole details but now he lives in the 3rd Plane of Torment and the Familiar lives with some new Druid guy in the Whispering Woods. I think that's part of why I got the castle for so cheap, I think they just wanted rid of the thing so they could start a new life. I've only ever communicated with the previous owner via carrier Gargoyle, so realistically I wouldn't get the password from him for another week or two (if at all).
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Feb 27, 2019 17:31
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Double Monocle posted:Guys new necromancer here, how do I keep my empire under wraps? Nice to see a young new necromancer these days! Honestly, the damage seems to be done. People don't appreciate Necromancers and are very bigoted against us. You can be an evil wizard in a tower and everyone will avoid you like the plague, but send out a couple of skeletons and suddenly everyone is screaming "We need a Paladin!" So what you need now is help. You can hire mercenaries, but hiring good ones is expensive. And you need skilled mercenaries with a very professional commander. Cheap mercenaries are just gonna kill peasants and steal their stuff and then you have more adventurers coming at you. And cheap mercenaries are useless against adventurers. Ideally, you use the good mercenaries to keep people away from your skeletons. Hell, you can make people think that the mercenaries are doing all the work your undead are! If this is out of your price range, I'd consider making a pact with an infernal being. Most demons are quite reasonable and so long as you let them go on a killing spree they will be more than happy to help you. Just don't summon them too close to home. If there is a mad wizard summoning demons one kingdom over, suddenly the wizard who is just peacefully raising skeletons isn't such a priority. Don't summon an eldritch horror. Unless you have the power to dominate them, you aren't going to come out ahead on that one. The one other thing you could do is look at used pocket planes. I inherited one from my uncle actually, it was very helpful. I still don't know where he got it, he certainly wasn't a wizard. All he used it for was growing weed. The point is that more people have pocket planes than you might think, and it doesn't hurt to ask around.
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Feb 27, 2019 17:34
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sweet geek swag posted:Nice to see a young new necromancer these days! Honestly, the damage seems to be done. People don't appreciate Necromancers and are very bigoted against us. You can be an evil wizard in a tower and everyone will avoid you like the plague, but send out a couple of skeletons and suddenly everyone is screaming "We need a Paladin!" hot tip: reanimate dead mercenaries to get more bang for your buck
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Feb 27, 2019 17:36
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My mirror that shows that which can not be seen appears to have a scratch on the lower third. Very concerned because all standard spells to fix are being absorbed which is definitely new behavior. I got drunk and started looking for great old ones using it last night could that be behind this behavior?
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Feb 27, 2019 17:39
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Halser posted:get the uncursing password from the previous owner, otherwise you'll have to hard reset every enchantment in the castle I learned the hard way that if I press and hold both my gargoyle and the top of my scrying fountain it takes a screenshot now there are images projected of me in my pjs all over the dungeon. not exactly instilling fear in my underlings
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Feb 27, 2019 17:40
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A Fancy Hat posted:I recently purchased a wonderful castle to set up residence in, but I have a few problems. I'm not the best DIY guy out there, but I'm hoping my fellow magic folk could assist. Cursed rooms are rough. Is it possible to teleport into the room? If so you might need to hire a Portalmancer to make you a portal into that room. The Howling Vortex sounds great, but it is possible that it leads to a dimension or horror so terrible that your mind cannot comprehend it. You need to send a wizard eye through it or something and find out where it goes before you can decide if it is safe or not. Just make sure you have your apprentice cast the spell. As for the smell, just put some wolfsbane in front of the fan. That will insure any critters stay far away.
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Feb 27, 2019 17:44
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reignofevil posted:My mirror that shows that which can not be seen appears to have a scratch on the lower third. Very concerned because all standard spells to fix are being absorbed which is definitely new behavior. I got drunk and started looking for great old ones using it last night could that be behind this behavior? What century was your mirror forged in? If it's made in the last 4 centuries, sorry, but it's a piece of junk and very prone to getting possessed by lesser entities from all kinds of realms. You probably have either an Anti-Mag Spider in there casting spells to counter your poo poo, or there's a Folded One in there absorbing your energies. That's a danger because it'll start to multiply and you'll have an infestation draining all of your spells and eating any food you leave out. If it's older than that I'd suggest you look up my buddy, Clothar the Unparalleled. That dude will fix your mirror up overnight (he uses a timecast stone) and even add some anti-hex enchantments to it for free.
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Feb 27, 2019 17:45
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I AM ZORTAN PETARZAUN AND I WILL BANISH ALL SHAPE CHANGERS, GENDER SWAPPING WIZARDLINGS, MERMAID HERMAPHRODITES, AND WIZARDLY HOMOSEXUAL SEX LODGES FROM THIS LAND, AS DICTATED BY THE GREAT LOBSTER QUEEN BLIPDOOLPOOLP *Zortan Petarzaun DESTROYS feminist Amazonian warrior using psychic magicks you will not BELIEVE what happens!*
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Feb 27, 2019 17:48
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Hi, do any of you guys happen to have a potion of probation protection? I need one of those. If you're all out, please give me a quest to find a Mod Slaying Sword
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Feb 27, 2019 18:05
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Blazing Ownager posted:Hi, do any of you guys happen to have a potion of probation protection? I need one of those. Most magic users consider picking up proficiency: swords but let me just say the penalties to close range casting make it incredibly ill advised and pretty much every use case for sword fighting would be better spent casting grease in front of you and making for the exits. Paladins (good and evil) excepted but even Artificers can be better served with a decent wand
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Feb 27, 2019 18:08
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