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reignofevil posted:Most magic users consider picking up proficiency: swords but let me just say the penalties to close range casting make it incredibly ill advised and pretty much every use case for sword fighting would be better spent casting grease in front of you and making for the exits. Paladins (good and evil) excepted but even Artificers can be better served with a decent wand A little tip I picked up - buy a good sword from a barbarian. Something heavy but not too heavy. If you're in a situation where you think you'll need to swordfight, cast an enchantment spell and make yourself a Flying Sword. If you're feeling a bit more daring summon an Invisible Stalker and let him hold the sword. Let's be honest - we got into magic and not swordfighting for a reason. I've met some wizards who were great swordfighters, sure, but don't rely on it to save your life.
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Feb 27, 2019 18:17
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watch out i'm going to cast fireball at that rock over there *whoosh* ahahahah hahah ahhAHHAH AHAHAHAH HAHHAHAHAHAHHAHHHAAAAAaaaaa.... *inhales* ahh....
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Feb 27, 2019 18:18
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Honestly, taking a level of fighter is a really good idea, just to make life easier if someone gets next to you. I wish someone had told me this when I was a young wizard. Now of course I can make myself immune to basically everything, but when I still had skin I used to have a few scars from encounters that could easily have been dealt with by a sword.
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Feb 27, 2019 18:20
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Blazing Ownager posted:Hi, do any of you guys happen to have a potion of probation protection? I need one of those. Here you go. RabbitWizard fucked around with this message at 18:25 on Feb 27, 2019 |
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Feb 27, 2019 18:20
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A Fancy Hat posted:A little tip I picked up - buy a good sword from a barbarian. Something heavy but not too heavy. If you're in a situation where you think you'll need to swordfight, cast an enchantment spell and make yourself a Flying Sword. If you're feeling a bit more daring summon an Invisible Stalker and let him hold the sword. no need to reinvent the wheel. A well cast Mordenkainen's sword can beat most adventurers by itself. Just don't lose control of the summon because it's immune to magic so you're hosed if it decides you're an intruder.
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Feb 27, 2019 18:49
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adventurers often have wizards too, and there is no such thing as a fight you can't lose. i feel that the best solution is to never fight at all, if possible. that means, traps, traps, and more fuckin' traps. one of my favorites is the false timer. 1. have a normal trap that presents some oncoming doom, such as closing walls or a room slowly filling with acid. 2. put an extravagantly difficult method to disarm the trap in the spot which is safest from the hazard. the important part is that no matter what, it will take time to get through. 3. place a secondary trigger which is activated by the hazard, not the disarming mechanism. rogues can often spot tricks that are linked to the main mechanism. that's all they are good for, after all. this secondary trigger is then automatically activated, whether by the spiked wall moving past it or whatever. it's best if this trigger isn't even accessible from inside the room, such as being behind the wall or under the acid. as for exactly what it does? that doesn't matter, so long as it is quick and thoroughly deadly. collapse the entire room, etc. however, make sure that it isn't a room you actually need to pass through, ever. the whole idea is that once someone goes in, there is no escape, for anyone. i'd suggest placing it in front of a false treasure vault.
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Feb 27, 2019 19:30
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gimme the GOD drat candy posted:adventurers often have wizards too, and there is no such thing as a fight you can't lose. i feel that the best solution is to never fight at all, if possible. that means, traps, traps, and more fuckin' traps. one of my favorites is the false timer. But how would you communicate with the people in the room about to die? Seems like you missed a critical feature
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Feb 27, 2019 19:40
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I've got one word for you all. Just one word. Illusions.
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Feb 27, 2019 19:41
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Why didn't we just resurrect the old thread?! Or are you guys (and gals, sorry for being sexist) just scared of necromancy as a dark art? Where do we find the true magics that threaten the known world? Are they in new stuff you bought in the magic section of your local enchantress? No, it never is! It's always the poo poo from the age of legends or the age of heroes that has the good poo poo. Nobody ever brings up new evil, it's the ancient stuff that's the game changer. Dime a dozen sorcerers like the OP will never understand this. I'm not racist, but goblins like the OP never amount to anything and are usually felled by the sidekick's sword, of all things. They score lower in magical IQ tests overall (I mean, in general). Whatever poo poo thread this will turn into will be no doubt completely forgotten when the plucky band of adventurers go to the next chapter. weak
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Feb 27, 2019 19:42
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Comfy Fleece Sweater posted:But how would you communicate with the people in the room about to die? Seems like you missed a critical feature You're falling into a trap a lot of us have in the past - the need to be dramatic. Look at it this way, you already have an elaborate death trap set up. Most likely there are a few skulls scattered around the place. Those adventurers know what's up, no need to gloat. I'm speaking from experience here. Back in the day, I worked as a mage in a really nice underground maze. It was a pretty good job, I got a ton of experience and made some lifelong contacts. Anyway, I start getting a big of an ego and decide to install a Demon's Viewing Pool inside a deathtrap. I planned to gloat at the adventurer's who snuck in there, it was a little power trip for me. Anyway a trio of adventurers (some of you more experienced magic users may know where this is going already) show up, get stuck in the maze, and make it to the Pool. I cast my viewing spell and guess what? It turns out the adventurers were the Technomancer Trio. So those nerds cast this weird static electricity spell THROUGH THE POOL and zap me, then they turn themselves into electrons and travel through the electricity to get to me. So with 2 spells they managed to escape the death trap and get directly into my control room. They beat the poo poo outta me and raided the maze. My bosses showed up a few hours later and fired me on the spot, which I deserved. That was a good learning experience for sure.
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Feb 27, 2019 19:49
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Lost out on another job interview, they said "we already have a mage and we're looking for some diversity" motherfucker you know what's better than one wizard?!!!!!! TWO! Fuckers went with a berzerker, how is that even a profession???
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Feb 27, 2019 19:57
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Cat Army
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reignofevil posted:I've got one word for you all. Just one word. Illusion + levitation. Trick your enemies into running off buildings and cliffs.
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Feb 27, 2019 19:58
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gimme the GOD drat candy posted:adventurers often have wizards too, and there is no such thing as a fight you can't lose. i feel that the best solution is to never fight at all, if possible. that means, traps, traps, and more fuckin' traps. Who would win, an evil wizard or Jigsaw from SAW? "I want to play a game. You must reduce your HP to 1 and make a series of three increasingly difficult CON checks.."
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Feb 27, 2019 20:10
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illusions are pretty great, yeah. they are very well suited for traps, too. it's a lot easier to see through an illusion of a monster or a pile of treasure than it is, say, a patch of floor which blends in with the rest of the floor. covering up small apertures for poison fog, arrow traps and such can also be very effective.
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Feb 27, 2019 20:15
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A Fancy Hat posted:You're falling into a trap a lot of us have in the past - the need to be dramatic. I’m going to assume that when they fired you it involved literal fire
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Feb 27, 2019 20:40
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Hey pals, Balthus here, I just scored an entire wagon full of cunnelwort WHO WANTS TO GET hosed UP!?
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Feb 27, 2019 20:50
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Uhhh so apparently my scrying orb broke and now this discussion might be leaking into other magic-less dimensions Wards are in place, just don’t discuss any rituals that might give those entities any ideas
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Feb 27, 2019 21:14
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felt arcane might delete later
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Feb 27, 2019 21:14
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Do not, I repeat, Do Not imbue your skeletons with the power to raise the dead. I know it seems like it would save some time and spell slots in the morning to recast control. But taking care of you skeletons, watering them when they need it, talking to them, walking them, it all contributes to how fulfilled you are at the end of a day of dark rituals.
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Feb 27, 2019 21:17
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You got a skeleton union banging on your door now don't you and you can't easily dispel them.
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Feb 27, 2019 21:24
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captain innocuous posted:Do not, I repeat, Do Not imbue your skeletons with the power to raise the dead. I always feel conflicted when one of my skeletons gains enough semi-sentience to free itself partly of my will and becomes a Skeleton Lord because then I have to go depose the guy to avoid a mutiny and it’s like, it’s too bad I can’t reward that kind of can-do, get-up-and-go attitude you know? although they always immediately rebel so really the problem is somewhere on my end you wouldn’t think “moral” would be such a problem with skeletons. I feed them enough MEAT which seems to be their only motivation for anything although the MEAT I feed them comes in the form of adventurers who then get eaten (until they are skeletons)
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Feb 27, 2019 21:27
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I've got a staff of Arkhanan to plunder but just found out it's in a city on the back of a massive eagle that purposefully avoids all the lands and bows of man. Can I just knock the big turkey out of the sky or is there something more to this?
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Feb 27, 2019 21:30
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captain innocuous posted:Do not, I repeat, Do Not imbue your skeletons with the power to raise the dead. also it helps if you're not directly raising a necromancer that might one day decide to take your castle for himself Keep skeletons dumb and plentiful, that's my opinion
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Feb 27, 2019 21:47
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I got too into homebrew witchcraft and caused a bunch of causality errors in time. Basically any time you feel like you just repeated the last 5-10 seconds? Yeah sorry about that.
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Feb 27, 2019 22:07
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This is me IRL every time I fall asleep and there's a wizard around
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Feb 27, 2019 22:30
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Follow up question: anybody here sustaining themselves on the nightmares of the innocent? Can I forgo all regular sustenance and will my magick diminish if I do so?
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Feb 27, 2019 22:33
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reignofevil posted:Follow up question: anybody here sustaining themselves on the nightmares of the innocent? Can I forgo all regular sustenance and will my magick diminish if I do so? Your magic will be fine, but if you still have a living body you may starve to death. If you pull in enough nightmare power you might become a wraith instead, which might seem cool until some Necromancer decides he needs a wraith to do his bidding. If they're sufficiently powerful you have basically no defense against them. You'll want at least a little blood to keep this from happening.
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Feb 27, 2019 22:44
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Speaking of skeletons reminds me of my crowning moment of awesome! I commanded my skeleton guards to attack and said, "You guys are really BONED now!". They were all too scared to laugh.
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Feb 27, 2019 22:55
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The White Dragon posted:look brah it's the 21st century. warlocks rockin dredlocks, 400lb druids going to linux conventions, etc. the look is whatever you choose to own Look maybe it's the 21st century for you, but I hosed up a fairly simple chronomancy spell and now I'm posting from century 2i - 6
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Feb 28, 2019 01:01
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I swear to Nerull that if one more loving psionicist tries to act like he's my peer I'm going to bind his soul to his own psicrystal.
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Feb 28, 2019 02:27
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reignofevil posted:Follow up question: anybody here sustaining themselves on the nightmares of the innocent? Can I forgo all regular sustenance and will my magick diminish if I do so? Never tried it, but a buddy of mine was working on an enchantment to live off only sunlight and morning dew, which is kind of a similar technical problem Not sure what the guy had against food exactly but I've kinda learned not to ask about that sort of stuff
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Feb 28, 2019 02:42
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I stumbled into a pedophile wizard’s house. I wasn’t into that sort of evil wizardry so I collected some friends and we magic missiled him up the you know what nearly to death. We ransacked his cottage afterwards, buncha scrying spells.
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Feb 28, 2019 02:43
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StandardVC10 posted:Look maybe it's the 21st century for you, but I hosed up a fairly simple chronomancy spell and now I'm posting from century 2i - 6 come on everyone knows that's not really another space in time, it's just a parallel material plane identical to the standard dimension except the laws of the universe make it so that while on the internet, the only thing you're capable of doing is shitposting. i visit all the time
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Feb 28, 2019 02:45
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So I know adventurers are usually the bane of our existence (besides Those That Enforce The Laws), but if you're still young, starting your career, or even just bored, joining an adventuring band is a good way to boost your career and build some long-term advantages. There's a ton of ancient magic just littering all the tombs and forgotten dungeons of the multiverse, and even better your team will usually trust your word on what items are and what they're worth, which means you can nab all the good poo poo for yourself. All the experience comes in useful later so when you settle down into a tower and transition into a career of tampering with the laws of creation, you have: 1. A reputation as someone not to be hosed with. 2. A bunch of powerful allies to call on when needed, unless you backstabbed and melted them (in which case see point 1 again). 3. Respect from authorities (if you were ostensibly a do-gooder) which means any adventurers breaking into your tower on suspicion that the princess was abducted for a blood ritual are assaulting a hero of the kingdom and their incineration was legitimate self-defense.
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Feb 28, 2019 03:03
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Princess just snapped at me - nearly took my hand off - and she won't let me near her bed. I think she's broody! She's going to hatch eggs soon!  I hope there's at least three eggs. I want to show up that so-called "Mother of Dragons." Stuck-up bitch thinks she's so great because her sister-loving ancestor took over Westeros. And she can't even emote!
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Feb 28, 2019 03:40
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Ugh, I hate it when a plan goes awry. So a month ago I killed the local lord and his retinue when he was out hunting and polymorphed myself to look like him so I could raid his treasury, bang his wife, and ravage the countryside with draconian laws. You know, the usual. Well his wife is frigid, the lesser nobles are such open schemers that they're doing a far better job ruining the country than I ever could, and the loving treasury was empty. The kingdom has been in massive debt this whole time! So now I'm stuck impersonating this jackass while I try to figure out a way to sneak away from his royal guards and flee, all while his vengeful shade is just sitting there howling in laughter at me.
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Feb 28, 2019 04:46
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Deki posted:Ugh, I hate it when a plan goes awry. lol @ getting out eviled get gud bieotch
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Feb 28, 2019 04:54
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Ah the wizards thread returns. I missed this. I didn't get to post much there recently because I botched fragmenting my soul across multiverses. I've had to spend the last several months and existences either terminating or reabsorbing alternate versions of myself. I'm not even sure I'm the original one now.
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Feb 28, 2019 04:56
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The old craftsman's saying 'measure twice cut once' comes to mind here. One simple charm or domination would have saved you a world of trouble. The basic rule of thumb is never replace a mortal you haven't already pumped for information. All kinds of problems with just jumping into someone's life. Story time: went to school with a guy named Xerxe who took over a nobleman by transforming into a sickened maiden and begging shelter in the name of the gods. Easy in. From there he enchanted the noble into eternal sleep and took on his shape before his wife and children. The wife was no issue but the drat kids saw right through it when he stopped reading bedtime stories and such nonsense. The long and the short of it is Xerxe eventually resorted to a petrification spell and those drat kids had lucked their way into carrying a mirror. A century later I bought him off a statue auction and he's been my coat hanger ever since.
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Feb 28, 2019 05:01
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What's up losers, I'm a ragecaster. The true symbiosis of barbarian rage and arcane power, all in one convenient eldritch package. Want fireball? You got it. Want mighty thews and oversized swords? Got it. Heck I've even got eldritch powers that scare and unnerve, my great grandmother knew a demon.
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Feb 28, 2019 05:14
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