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A Fancy Hat
Nov 18, 2016

Always remember that the former President was dumber than the dumbest person you've ever met by a wide margin

"It finally happened, Dwight! Finally, my mutant power has activated! I am a child of the atom, bow before the might of homo superior!"

Kevin chuckles (presumably at the phrase 'homo superior'), which draws the ire of Jim.

"Oh, we have a pathetic human who doubts me? Then prepare to weep, inferior insect, at the power of the next evolution of man!

Jim gets a focused look on his face and extends an open palm towards Kevin. His brows furrow in extreme concentration and a vein begins to throb in his forehead. After a few moments of this, a tiny droplet of water appears on Jim's palm, then floats across the room and lands on Kevin's nose.

"That is but a taste of the power of HYDRO JIM, master of all aquatics!"

Jim mugs for the camera as Dwight wonders if Jim might be dangerously dehydrated, and if that might explain a few other things.

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A Fancy Hat
Nov 18, 2016

Always remember that the former President was dumber than the dumbest person you've ever met by a wide margin

Jim starts writing bomb threats on the bathroom stalls at work, causing Dunder Mifflin to remove the stall walls.

"That way nobody can write anything on there," explains David Wallace as the walls are tossed in a dumpster.

"Couldn't we have just, you know, held Jim accountable for this? He even admitted he did it," asks Michael.

"Official policy is we can't fire anyone just for threats, they need to actually follow through with the threat."

A few days later, Dwight is forced to use the restroom at work and sits on the toilet. Jim strolls in, a huge smile on his face, and sits down on the toilet next to Dwight.

"Heh, I guess this is where all the dicks hang out, huh?"

Jim mugs for the camera.

Erasable Penis
Aug 7, 2013
Jim copies Dwight's homework and changes only some minor details. Dwight gets written up.

Erasable Penis
Aug 7, 2013
Jim slaps Dwight until both of them have to be taken to the hospital.

Applewhite
Aug 16, 2014

by vyelkin
Nap Ghost
Jim slaps Dwight until both of them have to be taken to the hospital.

At the hospital, Jim slaps any nurse who tries to treat Dwight. Hospital security rushes to the scene. Jim slaps them mercilessly.

Nobody can approach Dwight's crash bed without getting slapped.

12 hours later and the standoff is still going. The governor has called in the national guard. An M1A1 Abrams tanks rolls cautiously toward the hospital. Jim smirks as he readies his slapping hand...

Space Kablooey
May 6, 2009


Jim slaps Dwight so hard he (Dwight) cooks.

mutantIke
Oct 24, 2022

Born in '04
Certified Zoomer
Jim starts misusing AAVE around the office. Nobody really cares besides Kelly, an avid RuPaul's Drag Race fan who misuses AAVE in a completely different way.

JediTalentAgent
Jun 5, 2005
Hey, look. Look, if- if you screw me on this, I shall become more powerful than you can possibly imagine, you rat bastard!
To celebrate Thomas Crapper Day, Jim removes all the toilets from the building to make people appreciate their (the toilets) value.

It goes unnoticed as no one at the office uses the restrooms at work anymore due to fear of being pranked by Jim while in such a vulnerable position.

Jack-Off Lantern
Mar 2, 2012

JediTalentAgent posted:

To celebrate Thomas Crapper Day, Jim removes all the toilets from the building to make people appreciate their (the toilets) value.

It goes unnoticed as no one at the office uses the restrooms at work anymore due to fear of being pranked by Jim while in such a vulnerable position.

Meredith strains to go to the hospital, constipatedly

Applewhite
Aug 16, 2014

by vyelkin
Nap Ghost
Dwight holds his pee until after work. Unfortunately Dwight fell for Jim's "saltier than salty" saltines prank at lunch and as a result ended up drinking copious amounts of water. By the time he's driving home, his bladder is about to burst.

Rather than risk kidney damage, Dwight pulls over on the side of the road to relieve himself in the bushes.

Jim, lurking by the side of he road in a bush costume, grins and readies his spring-loaded boxing glove as Dwight approaches.

BombiTheZombie
Mar 27, 2010
Dwight misses work for three days until his dessicated corpse is found in his beet field, looking almost like his life force has been sucked out of his body.

Jim mugs for the camera, positively glowing.

Inexplicable Humblebrag
Sep 20, 2003

Jim claps Dwight until both of them have to be taken to the hospital.

Jim mugs behind his cigarette.

naem
May 29, 2011

https://youtu.be/bFsgTVV_siU

mutantIke
Oct 24, 2022

Born in '04
Certified Zoomer
Jim throws a folding chair through Angela's bay window.

Big Beef City
Aug 15, 2013

Jim announces that "he's seen enough".
No one else in the office really understands what he means by this

A Fancy Hat
Nov 18, 2016

Always remember that the former President was dumber than the dumbest person you've ever met by a wide margin

Jim shows up to work accompanied by an old man in a sweat suit.

“This is my personal pranking trainer, Eddie V. He’s one of the greatest pranksters of all time, he even pranked Elvis one time!”

For the next 3 weeks the office is filled with the sounds of Eddie V. berating Jim for his “lovely pranks” and pushing him to go further and further into the outmost realms of prankology. Eventually Jim is reduced to a blubbering mess on the floor, crying and curled up in the fetal position while Eddie V. screams at him and smacks him with a wooden cane. Dwight has seen enough and pulls the old man away, telling him to “get the gently caress out of this office”. He helps Jim to his feet and says that Jim’s done enough.

“B-b-but Dwight, I’m s-s-still not a good prankster. I’m j-j-just a joke, a l-l-loser.”

Dwight says that Jim is, in fact, the best prankster in the world.

“Made you say it!” Jim suddenly snaps back to his normal self and starts mugging. “You admitted it! I’m the best!”

Jim mugs for the camera and reveals that Eddie V. wasn’t even real, he was just a mass hallucination.

“Because of the gas lines, I mean. The carbon monoxide leak. Pretty funny, right?”

Erasable Penis
Aug 7, 2013
"I think we need more Jim footage,; especially from his home"

"Are you nuts? We aleady have enough for ten more seasons of this crap show"

---

"Jim, you relly need to keep the volume down! This is also my house!" Pam shouts at Jim as he is putting another plank on the buzzsaw.
"Pam, it's not my fault that the cellar is floodef with radioactive clown sauce and I now have to work in the living room." Jim shouts back. "Besides I really need to finish this Trojan horse."
Pam then cuts the cord to the buzzsaw and enjoys a quiet evening.

---

This repeats for the next few days. Jim meets with the camera crew and invites them to his home hoping that Pam will then leave his buzzsaw alone. Not wanting to offend the star of the show the crew accepts grudingly. "I just can't afford a new saw every day" he complains to the camera.

---

In the evening when Pam sees the crew in living room filming Jim and his half finished Trojan horse she leaves for the bedroom shouting profanities at Jim. He grins happily but before dedicating himself to his buzzsaw on he turns to the boom operator: "Can you please keep an eye on the bedroom door? I don't want Pam coming out and ruin the whole thing. With noise we wont need you anyway."

---

Brian opens the bedroom door to a smiling Pam. He opens the bottle of red wine he brought with him and the two sit down on the bed clinking glasses.

"This went well, don't you think?" says a content Pam.

Erasable Penis fucked around with this message at 23:25 on Jan 28, 2023

Applewhite
Aug 16, 2014

by vyelkin
Nap Ghost

A Fancy Hat posted:

Jim mugs for the camera and reveals that Eddie V. wasn’t even real, he was just a mass hallucination.

“Because of the gas lines, I mean. The carbon monoxide leak. Pretty funny, right?”

The absurdity of Eddie V being a mass hallucination and not an actor or a bum or something really takes it to the next level.

Applewhite
Aug 16, 2014

by vyelkin
Nap Ghost
Jim sits at his desk smoking 120 cigarettes at once. The smoke is horribly obnoxious, especially for Dwight, who can barely even see his computer monitor just two feet in front of his face.

Michael refuses to do anything about it because he has stars in his eyes over the prospect of having a real life Guinness World Record holder in the office. When Dwight complains, Michael berates Dwight for being "unpatriotic."

Jim looks directly at the camera and, with Herculean effort, somehow raises the nonexistent corners of his horribly stretched mouth.

John Wick of Dogs
Mar 4, 2017

A real hellraiser


Jim records himself sucking a strangers dick and emails the video to Dwight with the caption "This is what you do because you're gay. This is what you look like"

JediTalentAgent
Jun 5, 2005
Hey, look. Look, if- if you screw me on this, I shall become more powerful than you can possibly imagine, you rat bastard!
Jim creates not only creates a Patreon for a new game system, The PrankSchrution X, it raises $350M on Patreon and promises to be a fully immersive interactive pranking-based video game system with one goal in mind: Pranking.

For months Jim shows off demos of the system as Dwight is pranked in the office by the prototype and provides constant updates.

"Just imagine, everyone! Once this baby hits the market, you'll be able to experience this kind of joy from the privacy of your own home! No matter the time or place, alone or in groups!"

The final update for the Prankschrution X is the PSX is finally shipping: Backers will get their devices in the next 24 hours.

Within hours, thousands of backers are complaining that the Prankschution X box contained nothing more than a DVD with a cover of Jim wearing nothing but a straw hat and a pair of red sneakers, his naked body painted blue, with his butthole on the center of the disk.

The disks were also all scratched DVD+R copies, too.

Those who are able to play the discs find that it's just 9 hours of MP4 files of a freeze-frame of Jim mugging at them, with the words "No Rufends" misspelled at the bottom of the screen.

LaserPrinter69
Sep 6, 2022

"I did a perfect print job, grown men were coming up to me and saying with tears in their eyes, 'Sir, it was a perfect print job.' What they're trying to do to your favorite printer (ME!) is a disgrace."
Dwight arrives at work and sees a small mahogany box placed nearly on his desk. At the top of the box is a small red button, no larger than a pencil eraser. The box is intricatly carved on the sides with what appear to be creatures not of this world, yet it feels uncomfortably familiar. The air feels heavier around his desk, enveloping Dwight is an uncomfortable yet oddly familiar blanket. He feels the hairs on the back of his neck stand up, yet he feels instinctively drawn to the box. A low hum begins to ring in his ears as he gazes on the delicate wood grain pattern.

Dwight suddenly becomes acutely aware that his trembling arm is slowly reaching out toward the box, his finger outstretched. Dwight snaps out of it, the low tone in his ears vanishes. He looks around - no one is paying him any attention. He wipes the sweat from his brow and clears his throat as he tries to gather his thoughts. Yet still his mind drifts back to the box. The box... That box..... The beautiful box...

...
..
.

Slappin' Jim sits upon his fiery throne of souls. He peers into the crystal void. It's just a matter of time before Dwight frees him from his ethereal bonds and the 7 Deadly Pranks will be unleashed on Dwight's mortal realm.

poisonpill
Nov 8, 2009

The only way to get huge fast is to insult a passing witch and hope she curses you with Beast-strength.


Dwight releases Prank Lord Jim from the Realm of Clowns, who prepares to unleash the Seven Deadly Pranks on Dwight. Once they are complete, the last seal will be broken.

Prank Lord Jim walks up to Dwight and punches him in the balls.

Somewhere in the Clown Realm, one glass crystal shatters. Six more remain.

Applewhite
Aug 16, 2014

by vyelkin
Nap Ghost
The Seal of the Urinal Cakes doing a lot of heavy lifting in protecting the mortal realm from the Seven Deadly Pranks

Tree Goat
May 24, 2009

argania spinosa
Snickering with the audacity of the idea, and looking over while Dwight is on a sales call to make sure he doesn’t notice, Jim elects to live the rest of the span of time allotted to him and then simply pass away, surrounded by friends and loved ones.

He is buried in the ground. Over the next few months his body bloats with the gases of decomposition, then withers and desiccates. It takes a while before the wood of the coffin breaks down and the worms, mites, and fungi have full rein over his meat and viscera. Over the following years he decays down to nothing more than a skeleton like all the others, distinguishable only by a wedding ring, a few dental fillings, and the idiosyncratic dimensions of his ilium, tibia, or cranium. At first his grave is visited frequently, adorned with flowers from his surviving relatives, then the flowers wilt, the visits become less frequent, and then stop altogether.

As years become decades and then centuries, the Scranton six feet above him changes as well, though he can sense none of it. Buildings are refurbished or torn down. The quantity, fashions, mother tongues, and disposition of the people above him change in reaction to times of scarcity or abundance, war or peace, freedom or bondage. His bones are disturbed by earth movers, vandals, the blasts of some domestic war, by the questing roots of trees as forest reclaims the ground, and finally by the sliding of the earth above him through rain and erosion and the slow grinding of tectonic plates.

Eventually a flash flood, some thousands of years in the future, brings Jim’s skull close enough to the surface that a coyote, bold in the absence of any human presence, is able to partially dig it up, give it one or two exploratory sniffs, and then leave it to bleach in the sun.

The skull, almost certainly through chance but perhaps through careful design, with mandible still miraculously attached, falls to the side in such a way that it appears to be mugging for some long-gone camera.

for fucks sake
Jan 23, 2016

Jim does a big poo poo in the toilet and says "Dwight come and see this!" and then when Dwight comes he is disgusted.

Applewhite
Aug 16, 2014

by vyelkin
Nap Ghost
Jim shows up to Dwight's house in the guise of a telephone repairman, then proceeds to demolish Dwight's living room through a series of hilarious pratfalls.

Space Kablooey
May 6, 2009


Snickering with the audacity of the idea, and looking over while Dwight is on a sales call to make sure he doesn’t notice, Jim elects to live the rest of the span of time allotted to him and then simply pass away, surrounded by friends and loved ones.

He is buried in the ground. Due to the extreme contamination of Clown Chemicals, Over the next few days, his body bloats with the gases of decomposition, releasing the harmful trapped chemicals within his body, then withers and desiccates. Rapidly, the wood of the coffin breaks down (except for the lid) and the worms, mites, and fungi are nonexistant, preserving his meat and viscera. Over the following weeks the chemicals seeps down to the Scranton Aquifer, contaminating it, countless people, animals and the surrounding vegetation.

As Dwight disposes of his last truck of contaminated beets, a camera installed in the coffin's lid records Jim's mugging corpse.

poisonpill
Nov 8, 2009

The only way to get huge fast is to insult a passing witch and hope she curses you with Beast-strength.


Jim sends Dwight an email with the header:
FW: [EXT] RE: RE: 10 SIGNS AMERICA IS ON AN BAD PATH, Nevrr thought I”d see t

Sighing, Dwight opens the email and sees a long, rambling, poorly-spelled manifesto complaining about a laundry list of perceived societal ills, including “nobody wants to prank anymore” and “the cost of clown gas has doubled”. Dwight skims a few paragraphs and deletes the email. At the bottom, unseen by Dwight, Jim asks Dwight to check in on the Davidson account.

Several weeks later, Jim had lost the Davidson account due to burning Mr. Davidson’s barn to the ground in an attempt to implicate Dwight in a beet price-fixing scheme. Explaining himself to Michael, Jim says that the asked Dwight to check on the the account, but Dwight never did. He shows Michael the email, who immediately forgets what he was angry about as he rushes to forward Jim’s email to as many people as he can.

FunkyAl
Mar 28, 2010

Your vitals soar.
Dwight decides to perform a prank of his own, in retaliation, and places a whoppee cushion on Jim's chair. Jim sits on his chair and a burst of air that sounds like a fart erupts underneath him. Jim looks up at Dwight, horrified, and begins to cry. Jim cries and cries and cries. Everyone in the office is shocked nd concerned by jims reaction, and eventually Michael suggests he go home early.

The next day, Pam tells everyone that Jim was too depressed to get out of bed today. He was crying all night, she says, until his tear ducts ran dry and began to make a sucking noise. She spends the day glaring at Dwight.

The next week, Pam informs the office that Jim has lapsed into a depressive coma, that the doctors have said he is "too sad" to ever wake up. The entire office visits Jim, forms a drum circle and sings songs to him, but nothing helps. Eventually Dwight is fired for his slight against Jim, and is unable to pay his mortgage at schrute farms.

Pam waits by Jim's body, hoping to see a smirk in reactuon to dwights misfortune. Unfortunately, Jim did not plan this one. He really is comatose.

Erasable Penis
Aug 7, 2013
Jim decides to "throw a wench" in Dwight's and Angela's relationship during Dwight's stay at the annual office supply convention in Philadelphia.

The wench of course turns out to be Angela herself so all is well for them.

Jim mugs the camera anyway.

LaserPrinter69
Sep 6, 2022

"I did a perfect print job, grown men were coming up to me and saying with tears in their eyes, 'Sir, it was a perfect print job.' What they're trying to do to your favorite printer (ME!) is a disgrace."
Dwight comes back to his desk and unlocks his computer, and his desktop background is hardcore pornography. In this universe, it's actually considered obscene NOT to display hardcore pornography. The prank is that the porn is Cake Fart themed, when Dwight actually prefers the traditional German Golden Shower category. Jim's eyes sparkle as he mugs the camera while massaging his nipples through his shirt.

A Fancy Hat
Nov 18, 2016

Always remember that the former President was dumber than the dumbest person you've ever met by a wide margin

Dear Friends and Family,

First of all, apologies for the lateness of this letter. Jim was supposed to have mailed it before Christmas, but spent 3 weeks disguised as a snowman in Dwight Schrute’s front yard. He missed the kids’ school musicals but, as Jim always says, it was “pretty funny”!

2022 was a great year for the Halpert family. Where to begin?

I’ve always been the artist in the family and this year I delved a lot deeper into mixology, the art of making drinks. Breakfast drinks, lunch drinks, dinner drinks - it’s incredible how many drinks you can have in a day when your husband is busy down in his “man cave” at all hours! Everybody knows mimosas are great for breakfast, but have you ever had straight vodka? It works a LOT faster!

Philip is getting straight As in school and his teachers have suggested he be moved to a “different school”, because (I’m sure) he’s already the smartest kid there! And he’s only in 1st grade! He and Jim are really bonding this year; a lot of times you’ll hear Jim’s screams of joy when they hang out together. Philip is also getting really interested in religion; the other day he asked me what happens when we die. At his age, I was still just interested in unicorns and fairies! But not Philip, a lot of times he’ll just stare at the front yard and say things like “there are 12,119 dead bodies under us” or “Father will soon join the legion of the dead”. What a crazy kid!

Cece is also very intelligent, sometimes it scares Jim and me. Sometimes it’s REALLY scary, like when she knocks on the bedroom window at night and giggles. Especially when I remember that I’m on the 2nd floor. LOL! She’s made a lot of friends this year, most of them imaginary, but she has such an active imagination. Sometimes I swear I can hear her “friend” Baphamael the Horse galloping around the yard!

And as for Jim, well, he’s been working harder than ever. Famous Original Jim’s remains a staple of Scranton, and El Sicko’s taco truck will sometimes make an appearance if Jim remembers to fill up the gas tank. He’s also still a paper salesman at Dunder Mifflin, somehow, and we get to work together every day. Can you imagine how lucky I must feel?!?

Jim also asked me to add a section about Dwight Schrute here. He says that Dwight is “older, fatter, and uglier than ever”. And he says that 2023 should be “filled with even more pranks on Balloon Boy”.

If someone could tell me why my husband calls this man “Balloon Boy” I’d really appreciate it. Or why my husband spends more time working on pranks than he does anything else in his life. Or why we sleep in separate rooms in a house that feels like a tomb. I am a ghost in my own life, I haunt the hallways of this house while my husband retreats further and further into insanity. The other day I saw a floating face in the hallway that screamed and disappeared when it saw me. Sometimes the clocks run backwards. My husband has died countless times and just comes back the next day at work. Someone please tell me what happened to my life and to reality.

“Maybe I should delete that last paragraph. It’s not very Christmassy! Or, I guess, late January-ie? Whatever.”

Pam takes a long drink of something that smells like nail polish remover and deletes the last paragraph, then adds a pointless few sentences saying how much she’s looking forward to 2023 and all the wonders the year will bring. She then sends the Christmas letter via email to all her friends and family.

“Hey Pam, have you seen my blue body paint?” comes the shrill cry from the basement.

“Is it next to your red sneakers?”

“I don’t loving know, Jesus, am I a drat mind reader down here? Can you look for me?”

Pam takes another long drink.

A Fancy Hat
Nov 18, 2016

Always remember that the former President was dumber than the dumbest person you've ever met by a wide margin

Dunder Mifflin is filming a new commercial and Dwight, as the company's top salesman, is invited to star in it. Dwight happily accepts and, a few days later, they begin to film.

"Okay, Dwight, we're showing off our new thicker cardstock here. The idea is a crazy mugger approaches you with a gun, he fires, but the cardstock is so THICK it stops the bullet and saves your life!"

Dwight says that seems a bit violent for a paper commercial, but David Wallace says that it's to "get a finger on the pulse of the youth". Dwight then asks how they're doing the stunt, as he's admittedly a bit nervous about the idea of someone shooting at him.

"Oh, don't worry! We have this prop gun that fires blanks. The 'mugger' is a trained stuntman, you'll be totally fine. then we just do some CGI to make it look like the gun's firing. Here, you can meet our weapons expert right here, he'll explain how the gun works."

"Eyyyy, I'm working ova heah! Just kidding, you knew that," screeches the 'weapons expert' who is obviously just Jim in a cartoonish mustache. "So, anyway, is this the big ugly SOB we're shootin' today? This big mustard yellow bastard?"

Dwight frowns, already entirely sure where this prank is going.

poisonpill
Nov 8, 2009

The only way to get huge fast is to insult a passing witch and hope she curses you with Beast-strength.


Jim walks into the office one day, surprising everyone for two reasons. The first is that he enters the office promptly at 9:00 and sits down at his desk. The second reason is that Jim has a huge railroad spike jutting from his eyeball up through his skull, poking out the back. Nobody glances at the macabre, bloody spike for more than a few moments, however, as everyone is just done with Jim's weird pranks antics at this point.

Eighty-three lightyears away, the alien entity Slarglahood is remotely controlling the corpse of Jim through a faster-than-light remote system. Jim died instantly over the weekend when his "Probe-o-Fun" exploded in the Prankatorium and sent the spike right through his skull at 800 m/s. At that instant, Slarglahood's technology took remote control of a "human" on the planet "Earth." Slarglahood is a researcher attempting to learn more about the strange interactions and lifecycles of these humans, and attempting to blend in through the use of these remote-controlled bodies is one of his primary tactics.

Slarglahood calls his friend Gloomslub over to watch the show on his monitor. Slarglahood has no idea how humans are supposed to act or dress, and has no idea that the railroad spike through the skull is unusual, especially since nobody in the office seems to be commenting on it. Jim's slackened face has fallen into a natural open-jawed smirk, and Slarglahood maneuver's Jim's head over to look at the human holding a black rectangular device with a single glass eye on it.

A Fancy Hat
Nov 18, 2016

Always remember that the former President was dumber than the dumbest person you've ever met by a wide margin

Dwight is at the Scranton County Fairgrounds when he feels the call of nature and rushes to the row of port-a-potties, seeking some relief. Unfortunately, all of the toilets are occupied except for the one on the very end, so Dwight is practically bursting by the time he gets in there.

As he feels a wave of relief wash over his body he also feels his stomach drop, as if the port-a-potty was being lifted into the air. He quickly zips up and opens the door and realizes that he's now hundreds of feet in the air, the fairgrounds rapidly shrinking below him. The port-a-potty continues to rise and Dwight cautiously looks up, noticing that a helicopter is above him, a steel cable attached to the top of the mobile bathroom.

After scrubbing his hands clean, Dwight cautiously climbs to the top of the port-a-potty and then begins to climb the steel cable, eventually grabbing on to the helicopter and knocking on the door to get the pilot's attention. The pilot opens the door and Dwight climbs in, finally able to catch his breath. The pilot of the helicopter removes his flight helmet to reveal a head of floppy hair and a mugging grin. It's Jim.

"Hey Balloon Boy! Or should it be Helicopter Boy now? Heh heh, just kidding! Don't worry, I'll get us down here safely in a minute. This helicopter was designed by Elon Musk, by the way, he actually personally built this in his downtime betw-"

Jim's voice is cut off as an explosion rips through the cockpit and transforms the shoddily made helicopter into a fireball. The steel cable is cut free and the port-a-potty crashes through the roof of Dwight's house, landing in the living room and depositing its disgusting payload across the entire first floor of the farmhouse.

3 days later a small child is climbing a tree in his backyard when he thinks he sees a stray football trapped between two branches. He deftly climbs towards it, hoping to have a new ball to play catch with. A scream cuts through the quiet Sunday afternoon as he gets close enough to see the grinning, mummified head of Jim Halpert.

Applewhite
Aug 16, 2014

by vyelkin
Nap Ghost
Jim is shortlisted to replace Justin Roiland as the voice of Morty in the hit cartoon show, Rickened Morty.

Jim spends the entire workday rehearsing at his desk.

Jim mugs the camera as a thin trickle of blood drips from Dwight's ear.

Space Kablooey
May 6, 2009


A Fancy Hat posted:

Dunder Mifflin is filming a new commercial and Dwight, as the company's top salesman, is invited to star in it. Dwight happily accepts and, a few days later, they begin to film.

"Okay, Dwight, we're showing off our new thicker cardstock here. The idea is a crazy mugger approaches you with a gun, he fires, but the cardstock is so THICK it stops the bullet and saves your life!"

Dwight says that seems a bit violent for a paper commercial, but David Wallace says that it's to "get a finger on the pulse of the youth". Dwight then asks how they're doing the stunt, as he's admittedly a bit nervous about the idea of someone shooting at him.

"Oh, don't worry! We have this prop gun that fires blanks. The 'mugger' is a trained stuntman, you'll be totally fine. then we just do some CGI to make it look like the gun's firing. Here, you can meet our weapons expert right here, he'll explain how the gun works."

"Eyyyy, I'm working ova heah! Just kidding, you knew that," screeches the 'weapons expert' who is obviously just Jim in a cartoonish mustache. "So, anyway, is this the big ugly SOB we're shootin' today? This big mustard yellow bastard?"

Dwight frowns, already entirely sure where this prank is going.

In a twist of fate, the lightweight piece of what looks like corrugated cardboard is just a little scorched on the side the blank fired upon it, making Dwight very relieved. After a few more takes using different pieces, the director calls for a last take.

When the stuntman fires his last shot, the unusually flammable cardboard instantly catches fire and immolates Dwight.

"You're FIRED!", Jim cackles as he holds on to a lighter fluid bottle.

Space Kablooey
May 6, 2009


A Fancy Hat posted:

Dunder Mifflin is filming a new commercial and Dwight, as the company's top salesman, is invited to star in it. Dwight happily accepts and, a few days later, they begin to film.

"Okay, Dwight, we're showing off our new thicker cardstock here. The idea is a crazy mugger approaches you with a gun, he fires, but the cardstock is so THICK it stops the bullet and saves your life!"

Dwight says that seems a bit violent for a paper commercial, but David Wallace says that it's to "get a finger on the pulse of the youth". Dwight then asks how they're doing the stunt, as he's admittedly a bit nervous about the idea of someone shooting at him.

"Oh, don't worry! We have this prop gun that fires blanks. The 'mugger' is a trained stuntman, you'll be totally fine. then we just do some CGI to make it look like the gun's firing. Here, you can meet our weapons expert right here, he'll explain how the gun works."

"Eyyyy, I'm working ova heah! Just kidding, you knew that," screeches the 'weapons expert' who is obviously just Jim in a cartoonish mustache. "So, anyway, is this the big ugly SOB we're shootin' today? This big mustard yellow bastard?"

Dwight frowns, already entirely sure where this prank is going.

In a twist of fate, the director hands Dwight the "cardboard", which is actually a particle board a few cm thick, making Dwight let out a sigh of relief. As the crew is preparing the first shoot of the day, Jim walks up to Dwight, grabs the board from him, and thwacks Dwight with it on his (Dwight's) face, breaking his nose and glasses.

"Didn't see that one coming, did you?", Jim yells at the heap that is Dwight. "Smell ya later", Jim quips mugging to the main camera, while walking off the set.

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A Fancy Hat
Nov 18, 2016

Always remember that the former President was dumber than the dumbest person you've ever met by a wide margin

A Fancy Hat posted:

Dunder Mifflin is filming a new commercial and Dwight, as the company's top salesman, is invited to star in it. Dwight happily accepts and, a few days later, they begin to film.

"Okay, Dwight, we're showing off our new thicker cardstock here. The idea is a crazy mugger approaches you with a gun, he fires, but the cardstock is so THICK it stops the bullet and saves your life!"

Dwight says that seems a bit violent for a paper commercial, but David Wallace says that it's to "get a finger on the pulse of the youth". Dwight then asks how they're doing the stunt, as he's admittedly a bit nervous about the idea of someone shooting at him.

"Oh, don't worry! We have this prop gun that fires blanks. The 'mugger' is a trained stuntman, you'll be totally fine. then we just do some CGI to make it look like the gun's firing. Here, you can meet our weapons expert right here, he'll explain how the gun works."

"Eyyyy, I'm working ova heah! Just kidding, you knew that," screeches the 'weapons expert' who is obviously just Jim in a cartoonish mustache. "So, anyway, is this the big ugly SOB we're shootin' today? This big mustard yellow bastard?"

Dwight frowns, already entirely sure where this prank is going.

In a twist of fate, the prop gun explodes in Jim's hand as he prepares to give it to the stuntman portraying the mugger.

"You gotta hand it to me!", Jim cackles as he clutches his bloodied stump to his chest.

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