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okay, first of all, i don't appreciate y'all mocking me for being a game show fan. secondly, what would I even do with pictures of vanna white's feet? i don't even like my own feet, so why would y'all even suggest that's in my search history? |
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Apr 6, 2019 02:32
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Attention Employees: Two announcements. 1. There have been numerous references to the Steelcase® Modular Workstations as "cubicles." Cubicles are an outdated concept that does not align with our Agile, employee-first principles. Please refer to the cubSTEELCASE® MODULAR WORKSTATIONS as "Steelcase® Modular Workstations" 2. Due to the incident last week in which repeated non-work related search results tied up 98% of our network bandwidth, "vanna white feet yummy" has been added to our proxy filter list.
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Apr 6, 2019 03:19
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FutonForensic posted:Attention Employees: hey. kevin. hold a tic-- your position as departmental section chief isn't a title in the company that actually carries any managerial weight. you can't fire me any more than i can fire carl. and for the last time, my thing isn't feet, it's wilma flinstone/betty rubble drawings. ---------------- |
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Apr 6, 2019 04:05
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Gene Hackman Fan posted:hey. kevin. Attention all employees: Human Resources was recently made aware that employees have been giving themselves like "departmental section chief" and "constant companion to Lum Pillow" both in the company Slack channels and in their email signature. Human Resources would like to remind everyone that while internally, jokes can be funny so long as they do not harm or unsettled anyone, but should not be communicated externally, to maintain our company's professional image. Further, Human Resources would like to remind everyone that their Lum pillows should remain at home, and that workplace conduct standards prohibit sexually explicit gestures, even regarding pillows. Thank you.
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Apr 7, 2019 03:22
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OH! SO YOU FIND IT OUT THAT A GUY CRANKS IT TO WOMEN STOMPING ON CHEESE AND ALL OF A SUDDEN NOBODY REMEMBERS HOW TO REFILL A POT OF COFFEE WHEN THEY EMPTY IT ANYMORE
Gene Hackman Fan fucked around with this message at 03:41 on Apr 7, 2019 ---------------- |
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Apr 7, 2019 03:37
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due to the nature of ...ongoing litigation, you may no longer bring balloons to the company picnic
Gene Hackman Fan fucked around with this message at 03:45 on Apr 7, 2019 ---------------- |
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Apr 7, 2019 03:42
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the janitorial staff would once again request that foodstuffs in large quantities (defined as larger than one would be typically be expected to consume during regular business hours) have made work extremely difficult for them. This makes the second week in a row janitorial has worked mandatory overtime --not just for the food left in the company refrigerator, but in cost overruns for carpet cleaner.
Gene Hackman Fan fucked around with this message at 20:20 on Apr 7, 2019 ---------------- |
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Apr 7, 2019 04:22
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Gene Hackman Fan posted:due to the nature of ...ongoing litigation, you may no longer bring balloons to the company picnic this is what fascism looks like
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Apr 7, 2019 18:05
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Opening a protest camp made out of Ballons right now. It will be in legal distance to the picnic, but will transport a message.
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Apr 7, 2019 20:31
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due to... ongoing litigation, supplies of shrink wrap and palette wrap are not to leave the shipping department.
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Apr 8, 2019 02:33
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the company through whom we contract our security workers would like to request that employees avoid purposely setting off the metal detector in order to be strip-searched. as a reminder, our security agents are not authorized to do cavity searches, so you would be wasting your time and theirs. Gene Hackman Fan fucked around with this message at 02:46 on Apr 8, 2019 ---------------- |
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Apr 8, 2019 02:39
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as a reminder, fursuits are explicitly forbidden in the company dress code.
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Apr 8, 2019 02:51
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Gene Hackman Fan posted:as a reminder, fursuits are explicitly forbidden in the company dress code. JESUS, KYLE, YOU ARE OPPRESSING ME
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Apr 8, 2019 03:11
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What? What are you staring at? This my normal work cloth. No, no, you can't roll back on me here, the term suit is not defined in there, so I'm going to assume it's meaning business suit made out of fur and I explicitly do not own those.
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Apr 8, 2019 10:45
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Goons Are Great posted:What? What are you staring at? This my normal work cloth. in response to your query, the consensus with the managers in human resources would have to disagree with your point of view, the garment in question was not a neutral color, but it did meet the generally-accepted definition of 'business appropriate.' ---------------- |
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Apr 8, 2019 21:41
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and some good news: the third-floor break room has been cleared for use again by the health department despite what they deemed 'a shocking amount' of what they would only describe as 'bodily fluids,' the janitorial staff --despite the increased workload-- made excellent work of removing the health hazards from the now sanitized floor, walls, cabinetry, and ceiling.
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Apr 8, 2019 21:47
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due to... ongoing litigation, erotic cakes are no longer permitted on company property.
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Apr 8, 2019 21:49
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Gene Hackman Fan posted:and some good news: the third-floor break room has been cleared for use again by the health department despite what they deemed 'a shocking amount' of what they would only describe as 'bodily fluids,' the janitorial staff --despite the increased workload-- made excellent work of removing the health hazards from the now sanitized floor, walls, cabinetry, and ceiling. This... This is too soon.
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Apr 8, 2019 22:54
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alright, folks, i have some bad news --and I'm not naming names here-- but pictures of one's submissive hogtied and suspended in full Kinbaku-bi, despite containing no nudity, has unsettled both suppliers as well as clients. so HR has decided that items that do not serve some essential function in your working day are not allowed on your desk. so photos of any kind are right out. look, look, i don't make the rules, i'm just telling you what i have been told on this. ---------------- |
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Apr 9, 2019 16:02
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**MEMO** Good News: GaG got his new fire ant farm in today! Bad News: The lid came off... |
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Apr 9, 2019 17:49
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Splatmaster posted:**MEMO** Wait, I don’t think that’s a kink of anyone here — will that require hiring an additional employee who has a thing for ants or is this something we can have one of the interns handle? ---------------- |
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Apr 9, 2019 19:42
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Attention employees: Effective immediately, due to...ongoing litigation, running through the halls screaming "I'm not owned, you're owned, I'm not owned" will no longer be allowed on the premises. We will also no longer allow employees to stage a "hostile takeover" of the company Twitter account.
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Apr 9, 2019 19:48
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For the last time, stop publishing internal emails on the company twitter account. The public at large does not need to know about the cfo’s impotence.
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Apr 9, 2019 19:58
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And while we’re on the subject — that tweet being passed around is clearly meant as a joke. Being a ‘woke’ brand does not involve telling people to commit a physiological impossibility to themselves.
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Apr 9, 2019 20:00
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Splatmaster posted:**MEMO** **MEMO** Hey guys, I was asked to write this memo for you real quick in regard of the fire ant situation: Not directly connected to litigation yet, but I generally highly discourage you from engaging with them in a harmful way. They possess the first right of refusal when it comes to being harmed resulting in physical interaction with you, probably in a harmful way. The situation is under control and I'd like to thank HR for their enthusiastic effort in resolving this issue in a peaceful way, despite the problems that came up during those efforts. As a side note, be aware that everyone in HR but Debby and me are off sick, so there might be a delay in your requests towards us.
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Apr 10, 2019 01:21
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**MEMO** Due to...ongoing litigation, Debby will be out of the office for the foreseeable future. Kevin from IT will be handling all of her calls and emails for the moment. In other news, Kevin will be out of the office for the foreseeable future due to a fire ant attack. If you or someone you know has any information about this fire ant attack, please call Debby.
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Apr 10, 2019 16:25
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**MEME** fire ants, in MY vagina? attachment: more_likely_than_you_think_2019.pdf
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Apr 10, 2019 19:42
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FutonForensic posted:**MEME** "opens attachment* 
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Apr 10, 2019 21:17
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FutonForensic posted:**MEME** this is not an acceptable ‘help wanted’ ad. ---------------- |
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Apr 11, 2019 00:23
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