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Last night I got distracted from a very pressing matter by the Sphinxian riddle of why this lube was so drat slippery. As I recovered from thinking the dumbest thought any person has ever had, it occurred to me that brains are stupid and filled with useless crap (these are called ideas). Share your dumbest brain spasms here. |
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Apr 14, 2019 12:36
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| # ? Apr 26, 2024 21:44 |
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Looked at a bottle of Sprite and was 100% convinced it must be Fanta, because lemons. Then I drank it and felt like, weird, fanta used to taste differently. Finished drinking and a total of two and a half hours later I was wondering why I had an empty bottle of sprite and where my Fanta went, before realizing I was betrayed by my brain.
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Apr 14, 2019 13:17
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See my awesome "Participant" tag? I received it for participating in a month-long art participation project. I only recently noticed the word "art" was highlighted. To be fair, the monitor I use for web surfing had the contrast up real high and when I lowered it, I was then able to notice that the word art stood out. I lived in the house I currently reside in for a year before I realized I had a retractable awning. It was literally a "I wonder what this switch is for?" moment and, after flicking it, I heard a low growling noise and noticed the awning extending. I lol'd... - - - When my wife and I first looked at this house, the listing had it at 2700 square feet; we looked around all throughout and even with the front and rear deck couldn't come up with 2700 square feet. We went to leave out of the front door, and directly in front of the front entrance door was another door we both thought was a closet. It was the door to the upstairs, and the missing square footage... (we thought it was an unusable attic- it's an entire second floor entertainment/gaming room now) - - - The first time I ever hit a bong I wrapped my lips around it like it was a popsicle. I got laughed at. Then I hit it like a champ and redeemed myself (it was a 6 footer; I had to stand on a chair to hit it and have someone else light it for me- I filled it with smoke and let go of the carb and took it to the head!) https://i.imgur.com/QKTkerO.mp4 |
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Apr 14, 2019 14:59
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Oh my good goodness... we need a weedass cherry popping thread!!!... ! e: by which, on closer inspection, I mean specifically the first time... ever you smoked a we'ed! Stoner Sloth fucked around with this message at 15:16 on Apr 14, 2019
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Apr 14, 2019 15:04
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Mayonaise is just oil-based sandwich lube when it gets down to it |
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Apr 14, 2019 16:58
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Splatmaster posted:
This is extremely relatable content. I went like a year without realizing you can control the temperature of a radiator with the little knob-like object on the side. Turns out it is a knob. Drink-Mix Man posted:Mayonaise is just oil-based sandwich lube when it gets down to it |
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Apr 14, 2019 17:08
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I once took a vacation to Vancouver. It rained one day while I was there, so I took a walk through Stanley Park. The geese were looking very annoyed at their feet being wet and grumbled constantly. The herons were all hunched up and kept switching which leg got to be wet while the other dried. The ducks, now. The ducks were splashing about, chasing each other into and off if the water, exchanging high-fives... And my brain went, "Wow, the rain just slides off them like water off... a... duck... oh." |
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Apr 14, 2019 18:48
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BYOBlol but srly I posted:convinced myself that the word ending "jit" was unpronounceable in the english language for a good 30 seconds |
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Apr 14, 2019 19:05
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xcheopis posted:And my brain went, "Wow, the rain just slides off them like water off... a... duck... oh." Watching someone fish a teabag out of teacup with a teaspoon, "Ohhhh teaspoon, right." |
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Apr 14, 2019 23:37
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hmm this wool jacket I bought is really nice, it's a shame the front pockets are ornamental (a week or so later) you know they went to all the trouble to make these ornamental pockets, I wonder if you could just open them up and make a real pocket, how hard would that be (examines pockets that were obviously just sewn shut temporarily) 
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Apr 14, 2019 23:59
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"holy poo poo this is so sugary" It was a literal sugar cube with some drops on it
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Apr 15, 2019 01:31
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"Ugh, not this song again." -- Me, listening to Pandora and fully able to skip or downvote songs at will |
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Apr 15, 2019 01:49
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Why am I having so much trouble getting to sleep? Probably too much sugar from those chocolate-covered espresso beans. ... oh |
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Apr 15, 2019 03:56
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god dammit, i hate having to get up all the time to take tiny shameful pisses *sits down with another full pint of water, to which i will take a tiny sip of every 5 minutes for the next 5 hours*
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Apr 15, 2019 04:30
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dumb confession: i was like "oh no i hope sbt's car is okay" since he posted this thread and then i figured out the pressing matter was getting laid. not lubricating parts on a car.
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Apr 15, 2019 04:54
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This bath is so boring, if only I had some expensive delicate electronics I could hold precariously inches from water that would destroy them permanently. Oh wait I do right here. OH NO
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Apr 15, 2019 08:29
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vanisher posted:This bath is so boring, if only I had some expensive delicate electronics I could hold precariously inches from water that would destroy them permanently. Oh wait I do right here. OH NO |
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Apr 15, 2019 14:40
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vanisher posted:This bath is so boring, if only I had some expensive delicate electronics I could hold precariously inches from water that would destroy them permanently. Oh wait I do right here. OH NO
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Apr 15, 2019 16:03
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Heheheh. What IF... I wait until April 15th to file my taxes? 
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Apr 15, 2019 16:41
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Drink-Mix Man posted:Heheheh. What IF... I wait until April 15th to file my taxes? not if I file them first!
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Apr 15, 2019 16:46
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Drink-Mix Man posted:Heheheh. What IF... I wait until April 15th to file my taxes? Manifisto posted:not if I file them first! lol |
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Apr 15, 2019 17:49
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FutonForensic posted:god dammit, i hate having to get up all the time to take tiny shameful pisses *sits down with another full pint of water, to which i will take a tiny sip of every 5 minutes for the next 5 hours* this lol |
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Apr 15, 2019 19:50
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ooh! Pizza delivery guy is here. Hmm, this box is pretty hot. Lets pull some slices out and put them on a plate. Wow these are hot! Can't wait to dive into this. OUCH I burned my mouth!
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Apr 16, 2019 03:26
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Me, having a conversation with my mom: do you think slices of zucchini on my eyes will do the same thing cucumbers will do? Mom: I mean they might cure a boil in your rear end but not fix your puffy eyelids. Me: how would putting squash on my eyelids fix my hosed up rear end? Mom: don't you have your dad to bother?
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Apr 16, 2019 03:31
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vanisher posted:ooh! Pizza delivery guy is here. Hmm, this box is pretty hot. Lets pull some slices out and put them on a plate. Wow these are hot! Can't wait to dive into this. OUCH I burned my mouth! I had a tooth snap on me when it was too late to get to a dentist, so I had to wait overnight. That's when I learned that the tongue is the Homer Simpson organ of the human body. Just would not loving leave the broken thing with jagged edges the gently caress alone. "What's this? Ow!" "What's this? Ow!" "What's this? Ow!" "What's this? Ow!" |
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Apr 16, 2019 03:55
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I love hot tea. I drink a lot of tea. I never remember that tea is made with boiling water until I have melted my tongue and esophagus.
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Apr 16, 2019 05:22
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xcheopis posted:I had a tooth snap on me when it was too late to get to a dentist, so I had to wait overnight. That's when I learned that the tongue is the Homer Simpson organ of the human body. Just would not loving leave the broken thing with jagged edges the gently caress alone. Done this one before and then kept forgetting that I'd cut my tongue up nicely and drinking things with lots of nicely acidic lime in them for added "fun".
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Apr 16, 2019 07:52
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See this is why Prometheus was wrong to trust us with fire. |
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Apr 16, 2019 13:58
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ShinyBirdTeeth posted:See this is why Prometheus was wrong to trust us with fire. Checks out. Seems the gods were wise and judicious in their use of eagles after all.
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Apr 16, 2019 13:59
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I didn't sleep well, which is why I will drink a ton of coffee today. |
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Apr 17, 2019 16:10
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Me with bronchitis: **cough** **cough** Maybe I'll just do one bong hit, I'll cough but I'll feel a little better... **thwoooopppppppppppp*** **cough** **cough****cough** **cough****cough** **cough****cough** **cough** Yeah that was stupid. Glad I did it... |
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Apr 17, 2019 16:57
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If I just spend an hour or so messing around on my phone it'll relax me and take my mind off how far behind I am, and I'll be able to return to the task with a renewed vigor. It's going to work this time around, I just know it. |
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Apr 17, 2019 22:57
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Stoner Sloth posted:Done this one before and then kept forgetting that I'd cut my tongue up nicely and drinking things with lots of nicely acidic lime in them for added "fun". Next time, try something salty! 
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Apr 18, 2019 01:42
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google THIS posted:If I just spend an hour or so messing around on my phone it'll relax me and take my mind off how far behind I am, and I'll be able to return to the task with a renewed vigor. It's going to work this time around, I just know it. |
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Apr 18, 2019 02:10
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This time, this time I will remember to put an oven mit on to take the frying pan out of the oven. Remember the last time? The blisters and pain? Remember the time before that? I will jam the oven mit in the oven door handle so I will remember. Later... *puts oven mit on left hand to open oven door* *grabs pan handle with unprotected right hand* Finger Prince fucked around with this message at 04:42 on Apr 18, 2019 |
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Apr 18, 2019 04:39
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google THIS posted:If I just spend an hour or so messing around on my phone it'll relax me and take my mind off how far behind I am, and I'll be able to return to the task with a renewed vigor. It's going to work this time around, I just know it. Dude c'mon man that's really a low blow. |
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Apr 18, 2019 04:52
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Ending a work call, "Alright, love ya." |
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Apr 18, 2019 19:42
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(at a baseball game) google JR.: Daddy, you're cheap! (he probably doesn't even know what that means) Me: What? google JR.: Aren't you going to tickle me? (what I typically do when he's being silly) And make me spill my Dippin' Dots? And I almost said "No, I'm not going to make you spill your ice cream, it was expensive!" but bit my tongue at the last second. The dad gene runs deep. |
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Apr 20, 2019 16:12
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google THIS posted:(at a baseball game) As a huge baseball fan but parent of none, I still can appreciate this.
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Apr 20, 2019 17:08
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| # ? Apr 26, 2024 21:44 |
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checking out at the grocery store. paid w debit card. tried to use my phone number as my PIN
CONFIDENTIALITY NOTICE: |
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Apr 20, 2019 18:19
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