Peanut Butter posted:

Put a q-tip in my ear, forgot it was there and hit the side of my head with my hand. So much blood and I couldn't stand high frequencies in that ear for years. Luckily I was a teenager so I didn't suffer any permanent hearing loss.

Didn't clean a contact lens properly then proceeded to get wasted. When I went to take them out, my eyes had dried up loads and I ended up giving myself a corneal abrasion. Couln't stand to be in basically any light for weeks and had to get a needle in my eye during treatment. Can still see the tiny scar over my pupil.

Just the other week I tried to open a bottle of maple syrup with my teeth. I had been up all night and didn't think to just, you know, run it under the hot tap. Ended up snapping off a fingernail sized chunk of one of my molars.

Moral of the story: don't put unnecessary poo poo in any of your orifices. It's a minor miracle I've never been hospitalised.