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I decided to play football at this college because it was closest to a Chick Fil A
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Apr 26, 2019 14:38
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*quietly (and sometimes not so quietly) despises my fans*
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Apr 26, 2019 15:06
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This deer antler spray will give me the edge I need to win a Super Bowl
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Apr 26, 2019 15:13
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*can't count past 20 since high school as did not need to* "What do you mean all my money is gone?"
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Apr 26, 2019 15:20
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*cracks open a few smelling salts on the sidelines to get me hyped up to play*
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Apr 26, 2019 15:28
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Hand egg, am I right?
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Apr 26, 2019 15:30
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*opens a vanity restaurant* "Yeah I've always been uh.... you know, passionate about food. So I'm opening this restaurant to share that uh.... that love of food with everybody." *is arrested 6 months later for money laundering*
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Apr 26, 2019 15:30
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Coach says it’s alright to bleed from the ears
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Apr 26, 2019 15:31
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My back's killing me again, hold on while I load up on ketorolac aaaaah much better, let's go!
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Apr 26, 2019 15:50
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Obviously those comments were taken out of context. Coach and I have discussed this, he understands that in saying he was "one of the good ones" I meant coaches, not blacks. African Americans? What's the term? But it doesn't matter, I just meant he was one of the good coaches, here in the NFL. To help clear up this matter I'm also donating $500 to the United Negro College Fund. Wait. Is that the term? Okay, I didn't mean he was "one of the good Negros". I mean... obviously he is, but... you know, you can't say that. I'm proud to announce I'm increasing that donation to $550.
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Apr 26, 2019 15:55
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*sniffs more smelling salts* Check out this cool video I found about the 'craze': https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=83oDDyU67xI
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Apr 26, 2019 16:13
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*gets another concussion from headbutting girlfriend too hard*
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Apr 26, 2019 17:02
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DarkSoulsTantrum posted:Hello I’m Tom Brady.
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Apr 26, 2019 17:05
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*appears on Ballers buck naked loving a chick while having a conversation* *is as bad an actor as I am a dirty player* *beats cancer to come back and play for the chance of TBI*
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Apr 26, 2019 17:51
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What do you mean the bitch wants more child care payments. I ain't made of money! *gets chauffered to shop that sells $10k baseball caps*
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Apr 26, 2019 18:01
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*continues showboating OUTRAGEOUSLY*
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Apr 26, 2019 18:23
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Christ wants me to break this guy bones and rend his connective tissues.
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Apr 26, 2019 18:54
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Mzuri posted:*appears on Ballers buck naked loving a chick while having a conversation* Who is this? I've seen all of Ballers, who are the real players in it? I know the one WR has to be based on Jarvis Landry.
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Apr 26, 2019 23:46
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*plays American soccer*
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Apr 27, 2019 01:49
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Turrurrurrurrrrrrr posted:*plays American soccer* Do you want a juice box or something?
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Apr 27, 2019 01:50
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* Got angry at an empty paper dispenser. Assaults said paper dispenser * * scores touchdown. Decides to smash wall in celebration...with head. At halftime is rushed to hospital for spasms. Never quite the same. Wall wins again! * night before Super Bowl gets arrested for soliciting prostitution. Did not get to play the next day*
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Apr 27, 2019 02:43
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*is killed in a murder-suicide by his young crazy sidechick after being the best qb in titans history* rip air mcnair
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Apr 27, 2019 02:52
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Michael Corleone posted:Who is this? I've seen all of Ballers, who are the real players in it? I know the one WR has to be based on Jarvis Landry. First one Is Suggs, second is Eric Berry.
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Apr 27, 2019 17:36
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Me brain work nice, good
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Apr 27, 2019 17:44
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*was real good a decade ago but has sucked poo poo ever since* *gets benched once by new coach after sucking poo poo* *coach gets like literally ran out of town* *makes doofy rear end face*
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Apr 27, 2019 17:50
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*hut hut hut hut*
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Apr 28, 2019 22:48
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FUHBAHL
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Apr 28, 2019 23:55
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*writes Never Meant
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Apr 29, 2019 00:22
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REEEEEEEEEED REEEEEEEEEEEEED ....... ... rosesareblueand i loveu hike! .
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Apr 29, 2019 00:27
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Org Urgh Me Throw Foot Ball Me Want Ham Bur Ger
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Apr 29, 2019 01:06
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*Has Harvard Degree* *Plays amazing first few games of season* *Sucks really bad every game after* *Gets signed to new team, does exact same thing* *Is the least objectionable Harvard graduate in 50 years*
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Apr 29, 2019 01:12
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*Kidnaps, and rapes multiple older women* *Post 2 million dollar bail* *Gets bail revoked for lewd conduct, and battery of an elder* * Sells house* *Wife and Family still believe in me*
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Apr 29, 2019 06:25
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*breaks stepson's arm* *gets recorded with girlfriend engaging in criminal conspiracy over assaulting a child, also threatens girlfriend* *dropped from team* *probably still won't be banned by the league*
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Apr 29, 2019 06:38
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at some point youre gonna have to start posting who these guys are cuz jesus christ
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Apr 29, 2019 07:58
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Milo and POTUS posted:at some point youre gonna have to start posting who these guys are cuz jesus christ
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Apr 29, 2019 08:54
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*Scores a 9 on the wonderlic* *Celebrates proving he didnt smoke pot while on suspension by smoking pot* *Gets suspended* *Becomes the money guy for a cocaine smuggling ring* *Is reinstated by the NFL when he finishes his prison sentence*
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Apr 29, 2019 09:14
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*Went to Texas A&M* *Is Very Stupid*
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Apr 29, 2019 15:49
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*Isnt supposed to run with the ball* *Is supposed to have vision and presence of mind, looking all over the field for plays* *Runs directly into his teammates rear end*
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Apr 29, 2019 16:01
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"unzip my wrangler jeans to unfurl my penis* *take selfie of said penis* *text it immediately to the female physical therapist for analysis*
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Apr 29, 2019 17:26
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*Drives 97 mph on a residential street, smashing into 7 parked cars and 3 mailboxes before crashing into a ditch and fleeing the scene* *police arrive on the scene and discover a 17 year old girl passed out in the passenger seat and 11 empty cans of beer on the floor* Obviously I have a problem, it's called alcoholism and I've struggled with it for years. But my wife is the biggest supporter in my life and she's here with me today to help me on this journey. I want to get back to football, that's it. No more drama, just making you people proud of me on that field. *faces no actual punishment for anything while the 17 year old girl spends 3 months in jail*
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Apr 29, 2019 17:59
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