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Hi all you may remember me from such classic gbs threads such as 'help: stuck in an airport departure lounge' and 'help: stuck on a stopped train'. This episode finds your hapless hero stuck in a hospital bed following minor foot surgery - nothing major and they can let me go any time, but they want to discharge me in 3 hours and now time has slowed to molasses contravening all laws of physics How am I going to pass the time goons? Bearing in mind I can only hobble on crutches atm and the nurses are all horror show ugly. Ideas: Piss the bed and cry Chat up a nurse even though they were hit with the ugg stick Chat up a Male nurse instead Piss the bed and laugh Fake a seizure Start a patreon Piss the bed
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May 2, 2019 08:49
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| # ? Apr 19, 2024 10:04 |
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press the nurse button and then say it was an accident repeat until they take it away offer to blow the male nurse to get it back
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May 2, 2019 08:53
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Order food, do a crossword puzzle idk. 
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May 2, 2019 08:54
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Press the code blue button then when the rapid response team shows up, have your flacid dick out and say "well, it ain't gonna resucitate itself"
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May 2, 2019 08:56
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Cut the hospital into pieces, this is their last resort.
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May 2, 2019 08:59
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if its was one of those roller beds id get it mobile and see the sights also get blood tested for STIs while im here
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May 2, 2019 09:00
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Pray to God Pray to God your Insurance company doesn't feel like being a dick Pray to God you have insurance
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May 2, 2019 09:15
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at hostpital, lost fingat no inusrance pls halp
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May 2, 2019 09:17
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As for passing time read books and compulsively masturbate if you don't get caught jerkin' it by a nurse I'm gonna punch you in yer jimmies
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May 2, 2019 09:18
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Professor Shark posted:Pray to God Hahaha I live in communist UK so don't need insurance just smdh at you yanks
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May 2, 2019 09:20
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Mimesweeper posted:press the nurse button and then say it was an accident I like this idea best, will report back
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May 2, 2019 09:21
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Hello I am the male nurse at your hopsital *AHERMS and unzips, looking around aimlessly and whistling*
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May 2, 2019 09:23
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Befriend a dying person for free funeral food
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May 2, 2019 09:24
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They haven't taken my bell away yes but gently caress it imma blow you anyway
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May 2, 2019 09:24
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macdonal hamborkles posted:They haven't taken my bell away yes but gently caress it imma blow you anyway Noice.
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May 2, 2019 09:25
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Find where they keep the drugs, take the drugs.
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May 2, 2019 09:28
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Hamclam posted:Find where they keep the drugs, take the drugs. Hello I have been ordered by your doctor to administer a heavy dose of haloperidol. Side effects include screaming about the name "ERNIE" and having a sore Berthole.
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May 2, 2019 09:30
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Tell the nurse they operated the wrong foot.
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May 2, 2019 09:31
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For real though OP I hope you recover. Being broken sucks. I've broken the radius in my right arm, my skull, more fingers and toes than I care to count, and I have also been severely beaten in the head with a bat and also took a hatchet throw to my dome. And besides all that I've been beaten unconscious with blunt objects on three separate occasions (if I'm being honest I'm not sure they were blunt objects but I wasn't cut open, so) also I broke my foot and had a toe smashed so hard it tore the nail off and then later on had the same toenail ripped off instantly. Also I have dislocated my right shoulder and my left elbow and two fingers. It all sucks really bad and I'm glad you're not irreparably broken. E: also I've injured both my knees but I'm pretty sure I'll get away with that without surgery until my 40s at least Honky Dong Country fucked around with this message at 09:37 on May 2, 2019 |
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May 2, 2019 09:31
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You should rethink your life choices
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May 2, 2019 09:43
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macdonal hamborkles posted:You should rethink your life choices lol Hey man I didn't wanna get hosed up. poo poo happens. For what it's worth very little of my injuries are from violence. Mostly I just work/go at poo poo hard and sometimes you get hosed up doing that. Also sometimes you get really drunk and stoned and poo poo happens. Honky Dong Country fucked around with this message at 09:52 on May 2, 2019 |
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May 2, 2019 09:44
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Honky Dong Country posted:For real though OP I hope you recover. Being broken sucks.  I mean, yeah, poo poo happens but a hatchet to the dome? What line of work are you in?
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May 2, 2019 09:52
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phasmid posted:
Obviously a Hatchet Man.
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May 2, 2019 09:54
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phasmid posted:
The hatchet was from me and some friends taking down a tree and breaking it down. A buddy of mine was using said hatchet to trim branches off the felled tree and somehow lost his grip on it (despite being a loving bear of a toughman) and ended up accidentally hurling it like a loving discus. It nailed me in the left side of my jaw right on the Bad Veins/Arteries. The only reason I'm alive is somehow the blunt side of the hatchet head is what hit me, not the business end. E: The only good thing about that is when dudes go talking up injuries I just go "Yeah well I got nailed in the head with a hatchet" and all they can do is shut up and go (even though that hatchet was nothing compared to breaking my skull and killing all my upper teeth)Also I should say I got nothing on Enfield or that other goon that tried to saw he own head off and lived Honky Dong Country fucked around with this message at 09:58 on May 2, 2019 |
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May 2, 2019 09:54
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Basically if you get injured and aren't permanently crippled there's always some idiot goon like me around to go "Bruh at least you didn't do X or get the hell beaten outta you with Y" Get well soon OP
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May 2, 2019 10:04
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:5:
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May 2, 2019 10:11
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For real though get some good books and watch some poo poo on Netflix/Hulu/Prime or whatever E: Watch the Last of the Mohicans with Daniel Day-Lewis and Wes Studi. I only bring it up because I watched it recently and it loving owns hard. Honky Dong Country fucked around with this message at 10:16 on May 2, 2019 |
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May 2, 2019 10:14
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Gonna watch the entirety of GoT from season 1 don't spoil please
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May 2, 2019 10:18
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macdonal hamborkles posted:Gonna watch the entirety of GoT from season 1 don't spoil please Sorry about your bad taste, sadly the hospital can't fix that Martin is a loving hack writer
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May 2, 2019 10:18
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All nurses deserve some loving op don't hold out on them
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May 2, 2019 10:20
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Jose posted:All nurses deserve some loving op don't hold out on them
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May 2, 2019 10:21
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Also if you want some fantasy poo poo read some good low fantasy like the Black Company books
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May 2, 2019 10:21
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Seriously, just read a book on your phone or play a game or something
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May 2, 2019 11:18
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Flirt with all the nurses OP. They work long hours and love it when patients comment on their butts.
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May 2, 2019 11:22
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ClamdestineBoyster posted:Order food, do a crossword puzzle idk. There was that giant fat guy who got kicked out of hospital for ordering a pizza so this might work
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May 2, 2019 11:40
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Coasterphreak posted:Seriously, just read a book on your phone or play a game or something yeah seriously reading owns also if you want some fantasy poo poo for real give the Black Company a shot my dude, it's real good. Glen Cook wrote them and you can basically get most everything published to date in three omnibuses so I'm assuming they're all godamn easy to obtain electronically https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Black_Company low fantasy best fantasy black company best company Honky Dong Country fucked around with this message at 11:43 on May 2, 2019 |
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May 2, 2019 11:40
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Mimesweeper posted:press the nurse button and then say it was an accident when I was a kid (like 5 or 6) I had to stay in the hospital for a week. I abused the nurse button until they took it away from me 
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May 2, 2019 12:20
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Get your colon inspected
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May 2, 2019 12:29
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*furiously tears through a drawer full of lovely and offensive T-shirts and pulls on one that says "COLON INSPECTOR"* I fuckin knew I'd find a use for this
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May 2, 2019 12:36
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I don't remember those threads op
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May 2, 2019 12:39
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