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at about age 11 i lived in a house on top of hill, with another row of houses beneath it and a pretty dense forest in between. my friends and i used to hide in there and blast random poo poo with our slingshots. well, one day we pinged rocks off this old lady's tin roof for probably 4 hours, she came out multiple times screaming bloody murder but because of where we were hiding there was no way she could ever see us. about 20 minutes after the last time she came outside to screech, an ambulance shows up at her door, and a team of EMTs takes her out on a stretcher with oxygen. pretty sure we gave some poor old granny a stress induced heart attack.
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May 23, 2019 07:19
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| # ? Apr 23, 2024 22:53 |
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pissed in a condom and dropped it from level 3 on a mall santa holding a child
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May 23, 2019 08:09
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Nooner posted:There was this one time in highschool that I was in a car with my friend and we saw some kid probably like 10 totally scrub on his skateboard and my friend told me to yell "old reliable" at him so I did yell "loving "f"word (gay f word)" at him and kid probably really didnt deserve it but it was funny at the time even though I know you're not supposed to say that now, but drat if that wasnt old reliable in 2007 Urgh. I remember being on the school bus, slow traffic for some reason. Turns out some guy had wrecked his car into a metal barrier. Nothing major, no injuries, guys was outside his car I guess waiting for a recovery. Of course, teenage me opens the window and shouts "Nice work you loving human being!!!!" This guy's already having a rough day and now some kid just assumed his sexuality.
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May 23, 2019 08:12
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As a 6 or 7 year old, I beamed a girl in the head with a rock. She had those super thick glasses, but fortunately for her, we had a poor/nonhygenic/probably abused kid in our class that took all the heat. Years later when Facebook was starting to catch on, I saw that glasses girl grew up into a beautiful lady. A couple years after that, my mom asked if I knew her. She killed herself. I never messed with birds, but when I was 14 ish, I got my animal cruelty in. I went to a friend's house occasionally and after the usual poo poo wore thin, we started loving around with hair spray & a lighter. His driveway was super huge gravel, like tiny rip rap, in which lived a ton of little lizards. I don't think I was the type to think fire needed to actually incinerate a thing for it to be cool, especially when it was in the form of an obviously dangerous fireball, so I'd like to think it was his idea. I later found out that his brother shot several kittens with his bow. Our circle of friends kicked him out. I also teamed up with a neighborhood kid for animal cruelty a few years prior. We did a lot of fishing one summer and left a bluegill or crappie on the bank after breaking it's jaw trying to get a lure out of it's mouth. Not wanting to leave it in pain and not knowing how to filet it, we decided to use the little fish bat to end it. Well, one thing led to another, yadda yadda yadda, regular baseball bat, fish baseball. I'm surprised there isn't more masturbation shame in this thread. I mean, I still feel awful about using the church bathroom for sin all these years later. These are my horrific origin stories, thanks for awakening old memories and anxiety, thread.
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May 23, 2019 09:34
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When I was younger, a friend and I accidently set fire to someone's lawn. No one got hurt and the house was fine, but the people who lived there put the house on sale a few weeks later.
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May 23, 2019 11:54
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In the 4th grade, there was a girl in my class who had a crush on me. I liked her too, but I was too embarrassed to admit it so I treated her badly. Nothing serious, just normal kid stuff. Calling her names, pestering her, etc. One weekend I was riding my bike, and saw her and her friend outside of her house talking. I rode by and yelled "Hello, slut!" Unfortunately her Dad was next to her, but I didn't see him because he was blocked by their huge van. He ran after me for a few seconds and yelled "WHAT'D YOU CALL MY DAUGHTER?!" a few times before I rode off. She never mentioned it and I didn't either, but I could tell it was a super awkward moment for her having to explain what the hell that was about. I wonder how her Dad felt having to hear that about his daughter in the 4th grade, jesus.
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May 23, 2019 12:05
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RossMan4Life posted:
I'm only ashamed of all the places I haven't masturbated in. But seriously masturbation shame in 2019??
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May 23, 2019 14:22
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I was in my early 20's when I pulled the screens off of the faucets in my parent's guest bathroom to use in my pot pipe. They still live in the same house and almost 20 years later have not ever replaced them. I didn't feel bad about it until I told my sister this fact a few years ago and she berated me for a good 5-10 minutes on how lovely this was. One day I'll replace them I promise!
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May 23, 2019 14:50
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I think the only way you can qualify as a "kid" in your 20s is if you are mentally handicapped
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May 23, 2019 15:03
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Hey now we all post here
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May 23, 2019 15:05
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Zippy the Bummer posted:I think the only way you can qualify as a "kid" in your 20s is if you are mentally handicapped tbh I was pretty stoned a lot of the time back then. I'm stoned a lot of the time now but back then too
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May 23, 2019 15:06
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I went to to Catholic high school on scholarship in a small city, which meant I was surrounded by rich rejects who would never have survived in public school. The kind who would get caught smoking pot in the bathroom, and then be back at school a week later-after a 10k donation was made. Most freshmen and sophomores took the bus to school, until they could get license and drive their own car. So I was surrounded by manipulative assholes every day for a couple hours, and they brought out the worst in me One time we had a sub bus driver who didn't know the route, and the usual suspects started telling him the wrong directions. We all joined in, and after drive all over the city he finally spotted the exit with the correct school name. We got to school an hour late, and e all played dumb "he wouldn't listen to us." She wasn't buying it, and failed us on our quiz. Another time, I grabbed some rocks like the rest of them to throw at cars and peds from the back bus window. At a stop light, I ended-up throwing them at a biker, and pegging him in the head. Dude got pissed and started banging on the bus door, and I was lucky as gently caress that the bus driver thought he was cussing him out, and drove on. I realized that there are big consequences to being an rear end in a top hat. You either get lucky, and nothing happens, or you are a perfect manipulator who never crosses the line of "too many loose ends", or you are a rich kid who can fall back on his parents when you step over that line. Since I was bad at number 2 and 3, I decided not to act like such an rear end in a top hat. It was a wonderful part of growing up. Feel bad, but only because I was manipulated. I didn't kill anyone. defaultluser fucked around with this message at 15:53 on May 23, 2019 |
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May 23, 2019 15:46
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The school bus I took throughout school went by a golf course, and when summer came and the windows were down, we prayed that we'd be driving by right as some asshat reached the apex of his back swing, so we could yell "FOUR!!!!" at the top of our lungs. It never failed to make them flip out and duck, and eventually turn around and flip us off. Actually I don't feel bad about that one at all, gently caress golfers.
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May 23, 2019 16:04
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I mooned a bunch of girls on a school trip by putting my naked rear end up against their window in the middle of the night and then knocking so that when they'd open the curtains they'd see my butthole. Unfortunately it was so dark that I couldn't see that one of the girls had a camera with a flash on it and took a picture of my rear end and dick and balls and then the photo got circulated around school like some kind of samizdat and because my nuts were pressed up against the glass everyone started calling me playdough-dick. Oh wait this is about stuff you feel guilty about, not stuff you regret doing.
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May 23, 2019 17:18
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poo poo, you're PD? Yeah, I heard it about it. I only lived 2 towns over.
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May 23, 2019 17:23
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Put the Boston Crab on Peter so bad he was crying. I hope his back's ok.
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May 23, 2019 17:27
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There was a girl I became friends with in 3rd grade and I really liked her in a completely platonic innocent way and we hung out all the time, but my other "friends" were jealous I was spending less time with them, said she was gross and that she was my girlfriend now, so I told her I didn't want to hang out with her because she was gross, which didn't satisfy my friends, and on valentine's gave her a homemade one that said "Roses are red, violets are blue, you are stupid and I hate you". She cried and told the teacher, the teacher made me make a new one identical to the ones I gave everyone else but otherwise didn't even loving punish me.
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May 23, 2019 17:31
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Drive-Thru Salad Bar posted:I stole a lot of poo poo as a kid. Wait no I don't regret that as I stole from stores, not people. That kid thought you were the baddest motherfucker around.
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May 23, 2019 17:31
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AlBorlantern Corps posted:There was a girl I became friends with in 3rd grade and I really liked her in a completely platonic innocent way and we hung out all the time, but my other "friends" were jealous I was spending less time with them, said she was gross and that she was my girlfriend now, so I told her I didn't want to hang out with her because she was gross, which didn't satisfy my friends, and on valentine's gave her a homemade one that said "Roses are red, violets are blue, you are stupid and I hate you". She cried and told the teacher, the teacher made me make a new one identical to the ones I gave everyone else but otherwise didn't even loving punish me. Look her up on facebook now.
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May 23, 2019 17:46
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Biohazard posted:Look her up on facebook now. Nah
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May 23, 2019 18:00
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I accidentally stepped on a frog once when I was in a hurry to catch my school bus. I remember that I had thought it was animal dung or something at first and then lifted up my foot to see an animal torn asunder by my carelessness. I weeped. 
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May 23, 2019 18:02
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dr.acula posted:pissed in a condom and dropped it from level 3 on a mall santa holding a child Wow-e, that's some evil poo poo lol.
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May 23, 2019 18:06
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When 3D Doritos were a thing we put a small hole in one, shoved a ladybug inside, and then I offered some to a girl we all didn't hate but didn't like. I did a very impressive slight of hand to make it look like I grabbed one from the bag for her but it was the bug dorito I already had palmed. Then she ate it and we all laughed. Sorry, girl. Fortunately that wasn't the most embarrassing story of her year because like 3 weeks later she tried to hop a fence and got her shorts speared on the top and basically ultra-wedgied herself in front of the whole class.
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May 23, 2019 18:09
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redm posted:I accidentally stepped on a frog once when I was in a hurry to catch my school bus. I remember that I had thought it was animal dung or something at first and then lifted up my foot to see an animal torn asunder by my carelessness. I weeped. I remember walking home with two other kids and there was a dead frog in the middle of the road. One of the kids was all "look a dead frog" and I said "No, it's just one of those plastic bath toys" and the other kid went "no, it's real you dickhead" and then took a running jump and stomped on it as hard as he could and exploded like a loving balloon and me and the other kid were completely covered in frog intestines. 
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May 23, 2019 18:12
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Local Weather posted:I was in my early 20's when I pulled the screens off of the faucets in my parent's guest bathroom to use in my pot pipe. lol i also did this and in mutliple bathrooms, except my parents have long since moved out of that house
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May 23, 2019 18:12
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Local Weather posted:I was in my early 20's when I pulled the screens off of the faucets in my parent's guest bathroom to use in my pot pipe. They still live in the same house and almost 20 years later have not ever replaced them. I didn't feel bad about it until I told my sister this fact a few years ago and she berated me for a good 5-10 minutes on how lovely this was. I ruined a perfectly good turkey baster creating a macgyver bong one time when I was home from college. Never told my mom about that one, but I'm sure she figured I did something stupid with it.
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May 23, 2019 18:34
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RobattoJesus posted:I remember walking home with two other kids and there was a dead frog in the middle of the road. One of the kids was all "look a dead frog" and I said "No, it's just one of those plastic bath toys" and the other kid went "no, it's real you dickhead" and then took a running jump and stomped on it as hard as he could and exploded like a loving balloon and me and the other kid were completely covered in frog intestines. This thread loving owns.
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May 23, 2019 18:39
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my friends told me grouse were so stupid you could run up and slice their heads off with a machete and i said gently caress off no way and it turns out grouse are really stupid
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May 23, 2019 18:45
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JonathonSpectre posted:OK so I'm not sure if I've ever typed this story up here before but I might have so sorry if you already heard it... I can't fully express how hard I'm laughing at this. It's the pinnacle of kid logic.
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May 23, 2019 19:19
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when I was five I was wearing my dad's cowboy boots on the stoop while my sister was hanging off the side doing gymnastics stuff, and I deliberately stepped on her fingers with the heel of the boot and she fell crying. My mom asked me if I did it on purpose or by accident, and I didn't understand what they meant. After she explained the difference I quickly reasoned that I would get away scot free if I simply said it was an accident, so I did. This worked well for me as a child and even now as an adult one of my work mottos is "better to ask forgiveness than permission" I'm currently unemployed, and estranged from my sister
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May 23, 2019 19:34
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I took a glass dome case off of a fancy clock and put a Crash test dummy inside and squeezed half a tube of baby powder out to create "smoke" in there to take pictures so I could pretend I had discovered a cryogenically frozen man, and baby powder was just loving all over the den and next to impossible to clean. I was too embarrassed to explain what I was doing so my parents had no idea why the gently caress I ever poured baby powder all over the den.
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May 23, 2019 19:53
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I accidentally stepped on this kids retainer that had fallen out if his backpack. As soon as I stepped on it I knew what had happened, but rather than own up to it I just kept walking, with the retainer still affixed to the bottom of my shoe after the little wire bits stuck in the sole. It stayed there for about an hour until the class cleared out for lunch hour, then I pulled it off my shoe and stuck the remaining wire and plastic bits back into his bag.
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May 23, 2019 20:12
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Intentionally, while staying at a friend's house, thinking it'd be funny to pull the chair out from behind his little sister as she sat down, followed by the instant realization that there was literally no other outcome than it ending in tears and me (deservedly) looking like a dick. Twenty-one years on and I still cringe about that and how they were too polite to really say anything since I was visiting from hours away and they couldn't just send me packing. Unintentionally, at a picnic for folks in my dad's section at work, everyone just hanging around outside at a park. I decided it'd be fun to swing a big branch at a tree, but a piece broke and somehow flew 40 feet away to hit some lady I never met. She turns around and I'm just standing there looking at her with a stick in my hand, too surprised and embarrassed to even attempt any explanation. I assume she thinks I was a creepy little sociopath to this day.
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May 23, 2019 20:20
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When I was 13 going on 14, I was good friends with a kid a block over. He was a few months younger and his sister was a few months older than me. I was a stupid 13 year old didn't get how girls that age did crazy poo poo, and she probably had a crush on me or maybe really did hate me, who can tell? She had her growth spurt and was easily 4 or 5 inches taller than me by summer break. One day a bunch of boys were playing some game or another in the street and she came out and immediately started in on me. I kept ignoring her poo poo because I was buds with her brother, but she pushed me from behind then started wailing on me when I fell. 10 or so other boys from the neighborhood saw this and I knew I had to respond or be called a sissy forever. So I got up and literally jumped up to punch her in the nose. She bled immediately and ran off screaming and her brother gave me the "WTF?" look and ran after her. Everyone made it clear that this was not cool because it turns out I was the only one who didn't know she was a hemophiliac. I slinked home when the ambulance showed up and my adopted father didn't stop yelling "We don't hit girls!" for weeks after. She grew up to be hot as hell too and her brother kind of avoided me after that. Guess I hosed that situation up.
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May 24, 2019 01:51
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TIL that it is only a myth that women can't have hemophilia
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May 24, 2019 02:48
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Bedevere posted:When I was 13 going on 14, I was good friends with a kid a block over. He was a few months younger and his sister was a few months older than me. I was a stupid 13 year old didn't get how girls that age did crazy poo poo, and she probably had a crush on me or maybe really did hate me, who can tell? She had her growth spurt and was easily 4 or 5 inches taller than me by summer break. One day a bunch of boys were playing some game or another in the street and she came out and immediately started in on me. I kept ignoring her poo poo because I was buds with her brother, but she pushed me from behind then started wailing on me when I fell. 10 or so other boys from the neighborhood saw this and I knew I had to respond or be called a sissy forever. So I got up and literally jumped up to punch her in the nose. She bled immediately and ran off screaming and her brother gave me the "WTF?" look and ran after her. I commend you for this. It's super easy to find a good-looking girl who abuses men, and it was right that you put this one in her place early.
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May 24, 2019 03:14
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My parents divorced when I was 7 and I moved to some low income apartments with my mom and brother. One of the first people I met and played with was this black kid who was my age. He was one of the first black people I ever met. Long story short, I called him a stupid little friend of the family when we were arguing and he just hung his head and walked home crying. Nothing ever came of it, but as I got older I always felt bad. I yelled it too so I'm sure older folks heard me.
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May 24, 2019 03:22
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When I was in 7th grade or so, I had this stupid crush on my English teacher, as I'm sure many kids do from time to time. Fortunately for me, I was a fat ugly kid, and he had his sights set on a girl puberty had been cruel to, in hindsight. All I knew at the time was I hated that girl, because she didn't get the good grades I did, but she was super popular and had a ton of friends. Meanwhile the teacher kinda doted on me in class, always was encouraging me to keep writing my poo poo fictional stories, always said I was a great writer. So one day bikeriding around my neighborhood (she lived a few blocks from me) I saw a truck that looked familiar. Looked like our teacher's, his had some certain bumper stickers on it. Keep in mind this was pre Internet days. All I knew about sexual predators was creepy people offering you candy or asking you to help them find their dog. Not teachers or priests. But it did bother me, because lots of people have bumper stickers, so after school the next day I found his truck, wrote down the license plate, and later I went on another bike ride. The plates matched. Now why would a teacher be at his student's house, hours before her family got home from work? Part of me had some idea, but the hosed up part was I was sure if I said anything, it would come back to me, I'd get in trouble for being a stalker or for bringing it to light. So I said nothing. Eventually we graduated, and some years later I got, of all things, a loving letter from my teacher. It was encouraging me to keep writing my fictional stories and that he was moving out of state. A little weird... And then I found out about four girls had come out and said he had been touching them. A few more came out from previous years and said the same. The one girl in my neighborhood? Never said a thing. So for almost five years I left him there to predator on other kids. I didn't say poo poo to any other teacher or the principal or even my neighbor, who was a cop. Because I thought for some reason I was wrong, there was no way he was doing that stuff. Because he was such a nice guy, he wasn't offering candy or anything. Because he was always so nice to me.
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May 24, 2019 05:26
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That's a hosed up sad story 
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May 24, 2019 05:38
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Bedevere posted:When I was 13 going on 14, I was good friends with a kid a block over. He was a few months younger and his sister was a few months older than me. I was a stupid 13 year old didn't get how girls that age did crazy poo poo, and she probably had a crush on me or maybe really did hate me, who can tell? She had her growth spurt and was easily 4 or 5 inches taller than me by summer break. One day a bunch of boys were playing some game or another in the street and she came out and immediately started in on me. I kept ignoring her poo poo because I was buds with her brother, but she pushed me from behind then started wailing on me when I fell. 10 or so other boys from the neighborhood saw this and I knew I had to respond or be called a sissy forever. So I got up and literally jumped up to punch her in the nose. She bled immediately and ran off screaming and her brother gave me the "WTF?" look and ran after her. When I was in 6th grade we lived in Jakarta in a neighborhood largely populated by Americans other foreigners. New families were always moving in and out as most people only stayed over there 3-4 years. One day a new girl was on our bus and for reasons that I dont remember she popped over the back of the bus seat and scratched at me and my friend sitting there. Once she got away with it she did it again and again, she scratched our arms up with her horrible nails. This went on for a couple days on the trip too and from school. On the third day she popped over the back of the seat and I punched her right in the face. That put an end to the whole scratch thing immediately. I never felt guilt or bad about this so maybe its in the wrong thread.
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May 24, 2019 05:39
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