Blade Runner, but in actual 2019

The Something Awful Forums > Archives > Comedy Goldmine > BYOB Goldmine: Gold Mango > Blade Runner, but in actual 2019

«‹›2 »

GODSPEED JOHN GLENN: I put my thumb up my bum and shut one eye, and my thumb blotted out the planet Earth.

A tiny rocket flies across Elon Musk's luxurious office and carefully perches itself on a landing pad near the window.
Rachael: Do you like our rocket?
Deckard: It's artificial?
Rachael: Of course it is. A real one would be far too big to fit in here
Deckard: Must be expensive.
Rachael: Very. But re-usability is rapidly reducing the cost of contemporary space travel.

"All those moments will be lost in time, like a fart in the wind. Time to die." Roy falls off the roof while taking a selfie.

# ? Jun 19, 2019 22:54

Adbot: ADBOT LOVES YOU

# ? Apr 24, 2024 22:03

alnilam

J. Sebastian: "They're my friends. I hired them, through FriendR. Well not 'hired' exactly, you see..."

# ? Jun 19, 2019 22:58

GODSPEED JOHN GLENN: I put my thumb up my bum and shut one eye, and my thumb blotted out the planet Earth.

Rachael: Is this testing whether I'm a replicant or a lesbian, Mr. Deckard?
Deckard: Oh, I would never assume gender or sexual binaries.

# ? Jun 19, 2019 22:59

GODSPEED JOHN GLENN: I put my thumb up my bum and shut one eye, and my thumb blotted out the planet Earth.

Bryant: Millenials are buying fewer houses and diamonds, ruining the economy. Baby Boomers worried that they might make up their own economies, less reliant on the destructive ways of the past. So they built in a fail-safe device.
Deckard: Which is what?
Bryant: Four year college degree.

# ? Jun 19, 2019 23:03

joke_explainer

*EPIC POLICE FAIL COP SHOOTS STRIPPER IN BACK SIX TIMES AS SHE RUNS THROUGH A DOZEN PLATE GLASS WINDOWS WATCH THIS*

# ? Jun 20, 2019 00:12

joke_explainer

Rent too high? Your new life awaits you in the off-city-limits suburbs

# ? Jun 20, 2019 00:14

joke_explainer

Edward James Olmos smiles, shouting over toward Deckard. "You've done a police fighter's job today. Yes... I saw that meme."

# ? Jun 20, 2019 00:15

alnilam

joke_explainer posted:

*EPIC POLICE FAIL COP SHOOTS STRIPPER IN BACK SIX TIMES AS SHE RUNS THROUGH A DOZEN PLATE GLASS WINDOWS WATCH THIS*

_{ty manifisto}

# ? Jun 20, 2019 00:33

GODSPEED JOHN GLENN: I put my thumb up my bum and shut one eye, and my thumb blotted out the planet Earth.

Gaff: Omae wa mou shindeiru
Sushi Master: He say you under arrest, Mr. Deckard.
Deckard: Got the wrong guy, pal.
Gaff: Am I Kawaii, Blade Runner-chan!?
Sushi Master: He say you Blade Runner.
Deckard: Tell him I'm eating.
Gaff: I-It's not like I like you or anything...BAKA!
Deckard: Tsundere, huh?
Sushi Master: Hai!

# ? Jun 20, 2019 01:01

Goons Are Gifts

We need someone to hunt down those replicants. We need the right people for it. People will integrity, skill and no boundaries. That are made for this job.

*opens LinkedIn*

# ? Jun 20, 2019 01:31

Bad Purchase

My mother...let me tell you about my mother. I still live with her because of my student debt.

I back the blue!

Support your GBS mod team! :patriot:

# ? Jun 20, 2019 03:44

GODSPEED JOHN GLENN: I put my thumb up my bum and shut one eye, and my thumb blotted out the planet Earth.

"I'm on the roof." -text from Uber driver.

# ? Jun 20, 2019 03:55

FactsAreUseless

code:

BAN    06/19/19    11:46pm    Lee-On-K    You're not helping! Why is that, Leon?    HoldenOutHope     HoldenOutHope

# ? Jun 20, 2019 07:28

barfdog

we have to consider the possibility that the president is a replicant

https://i.imgur.com/FLpAnfS.mp4

# ? Jun 20, 2019 09:01

Goons Are Gifts

You mean, like, there might be more of this version??
Someone call Harrison Ford.

# ? Jun 20, 2019 11:48

pixaal: All ice cream is now for all beings, no matter how many legs.

meep meep

sig by owlhawk911

# ? Jun 20, 2019 15:42

Drink-Mix Man: You are an odd fellow, but I must say... you throw a swell shindig.

joke_explainer posted:

*EPIC POLICE FAIL COP SHOOTS STRIPPER IN BACK SIX TIMES AS SHE RUNS THROUGH A DOZEN PLATE GLASS WINDOWS WATCH THIS*

# ? Jun 20, 2019 19:10

Nosfereefer: IF YOU FIND THIS POSTER OUTSIDE BYOB, PLEASE RETURN THEM. WE ARE VERY WORRIED AND WE MISS THEM

Bad Purchase posted:

My mother...let me tell you about my mother. I still live with her because of my student debt.

GODSPEED JOHN GLENN posted:

Bryant: Millenials are buying fewer houses and diamonds, ruining the economy. Baby Boomers worried that they might make up their own economies, less reliant on the destructive ways of the past. So they built in a fail-safe device.
Deckard: Which is what?
Bryant: Four year college degree.

(USER WAS PUT ON PROBATION FOR THIS POST)

# ? Jun 20, 2019 19:11

Drink-Mix Man: You are an odd fellow, but I must say... you throw a swell shindig.

Drink-Mix Man posted:

Just watching c-beams glitter in the dark near the Tannhäuser Gate on Youtube.

joke_explainer posted:

Keep my memories from being lost like tears in the rain by slamming that like button and subscribing. If you like what this replicant is getting up to, leave a comment below. If you don't like it, leave a comment anyway and let me know what you'd like to see in the channel.

# ? Jun 20, 2019 19:11

Drink-Mix Man: You are an odd fellow, but I must say... you throw a swell shindig.

Sebastian's friends are a bunch of real dolls and body pillows

# ? Jun 20, 2019 19:15

The Klowner: by Jeffrey of YOSPOS

Okay Google, enhance 45 and 32. Okay Google, pull back. Okay Google, stop.

# ? Jun 20, 2019 20:25

Goons Are Gifts

The Clowner posted:

Okay Google, enhance 45 and 32. Okay Google, pull back. Okay Google, stop.

# ? Jun 20, 2019 21:55

lol but: body is a dinosaur

i want more avocados, fucker

# ? Jun 20, 2019 22:00

The Klowner: by Jeffrey of YOSPOS

lol but posted:

i want more avocados, fucker

# ? Jun 21, 2019 15:49

barfdog

occupy tyrell corporation

https://i.imgur.com/FLpAnfS.mp4

# ? Jun 21, 2019 19:42

Bad Purchase

protests erupt calling for a ban on assault-style blasters after a troubled teen, bullied for being a replicant, shoots up her high school.

supporters share images on social media of the weapon used in the attack, highlighting that it has over 20 bullet count LEDs.

I back the blue!

Support your GBS mod team! :patriot:

# ? Jun 21, 2019 20:39

GODSPEED JOHN GLENN: I put my thumb up my bum and shut one eye, and my thumb blotted out the planet Earth.

an anime pillow got a gun and now deckard must hunt it down

# ? Jun 22, 2019 00:53

punk rebel ecks: A shitty post? This calls for a dance of deduction.

GODSPEED JOHN GLENN posted:

Rachael: Is this testing whether I'm a replicant or a lesbian, Mr. Deckard?
Deckard: Oh, I would never assume gender or sexual binaries.

----------------
This thread brought to you by a tremendous dickhead!

# ? Jun 22, 2019 07:56

RazzleDazzleHour

"Okay Dennis, we just need to perform a couple of small tests."

"And then I'll be free to go?"

"Of course. As you know, you're suspected of being a Replicant, so we need to make sure you're really human. Otherwise...we can't exactly let you leave here. Surely, you understand."

"Yeah...yeah, okay."

"Don't worry, you just need to do what comes naturally, okay?"

"Okay."

"Great. Here, take this."

"What is this, a cell phone?"

"Yeah, it's a cell phone."

"What, uh...okay..."

[cell phone starts ringing]

"..."

"..."

"Aren't you going to answer the phone, Dennis?"

"No."

"Are you sure?"

"Uh...yeah."

"Alright Dennis, you're free to go."

"Wait, aren't there more tests?"

"Well, usually there are, but you passed this one so convincingly that I'm absolutely certain you're human."

"Oh, uh, cool. Well...goodbye I guess."

"Goodbye Dennis."

# ? Jun 22, 2019 23:39

google THIS

RazzleDazzleHour posted:

"Okay Dennis, we just need to perform a couple of small tests."

"And then I'll be free to go?"

"Of course. As you know, you're suspected of being a Replicant, so we need to make sure you're really human. Otherwise...we can't exactly let you leave here. Surely, you understand."

"Yeah...yeah, okay."

"Don't worry, you just need to do what comes naturally, okay?"

"Okay."

"Great. Here, take this."

"What is this, a cell phone?"

"Yeah, it's a cell phone."

"What, uh...okay..."

[cell phone starts ringing]

"..."

"..."

"Aren't you going to answer the phone, Dennis?"

"No."

"Are you sure?"

"Uh...yeah."

"Alright Dennis, you're free to go."

"Wait, aren't there more tests?"

"Well, usually there are, but you passed this one so convincingly that I'm absolutely certain you're human."

"Oh, uh, cool. Well...goodbye I guess."

"Goodbye Dennis."

# ? Jun 22, 2019 23:54

GODSPEED JOHN GLENN: I put my thumb up my bum and shut one eye, and my thumb blotted out the planet Earth.

RazzleDazzleHour posted:

"Okay Dennis, we just need to perform a couple of small tests."

"And then I'll be free to go?"

"Of course. As you know, you're suspected of being a Replicant, so we need to make sure you're really human. Otherwise...we can't exactly let you leave here. Surely, you understand."

"Yeah...yeah, okay."

"Don't worry, you just need to do what comes naturally, okay?"

"Okay."

"Great. Here, take this."

"What is this, a cell phone?"

"Yeah, it's a cell phone."

"What, uh...okay..."

[cell phone starts ringing]

"..."

"..."

"Aren't you going to answer the phone, Dennis?"

"No."

"Are you sure?"

"Uh...yeah."

"Alright Dennis, you're free to go."

"Wait, aren't there more tests?"

"Well, usually there are, but you passed this one so convincingly that I'm absolutely certain you're human."

"Oh, uh, cool. Well...goodbye I guess."

"Goodbye Dennis."

# ? Jun 23, 2019 00:22

Goons Are Gifts

RazzleDazzleHour posted:

"Okay Dennis, we just need to perform a couple of small tests."

"And then I'll be free to go?"

"Of course. As you know, you're suspected of being a Replicant, so we need to make sure you're really human. Otherwise...we can't exactly let you leave here. Surely, you understand."

"Yeah...yeah, okay."

"Don't worry, you just need to do what comes naturally, okay?"

"Okay."

"Great. Here, take this."

"What is this, a cell phone?"

"Yeah, it's a cell phone."

"What, uh...okay..."

[cell phone starts ringing]

"..."

"..."

"Aren't you going to answer the phone, Dennis?"

"No."

"Are you sure?"

"Uh...yeah."

"Alright Dennis, you're free to go."

"Wait, aren't there more tests?"

"Well, usually there are, but you passed this one so convincingly that I'm absolutely certain you're human."

"Oh, uh, cool. Well...goodbye I guess."

"Goodbye Dennis."

# ? Jun 23, 2019 00:30

punk rebel ecks: A shitty post? This calls for a dance of deduction.

RazzleDazzleHour posted:

"Okay Dennis, we just need to perform a couple of small tests."

"And then I'll be free to go?"

"Of course. As you know, you're suspected of being a Replicant, so we need to make sure you're really human. Otherwise...we can't exactly let you leave here. Surely, you understand."

"Yeah...yeah, okay."

"Don't worry, you just need to do what comes naturally, okay?"

"Okay."

"Great. Here, take this."

"What is this, a cell phone?"

"Yeah, it's a cell phone."

"What, uh...okay..."

[cell phone starts ringing]

"..."

"..."

"Aren't you going to answer the phone, Dennis?"

"No."

"Are you sure?"

"Uh...yeah."

"Alright Dennis, you're free to go."

"Wait, aren't there more tests?"

"Well, usually there are, but you passed this one so convincingly that I'm absolutely certain you're human."

"Oh, uh, cool. Well...goodbye I guess."

"Goodbye Dennis."