Zippy the Bummer posted:

death is simply the next great adventure, OP. wondrous vistas of eternal happiness await you


unless you go to hell, of course, which you probably will, in which case you can expect an eternity of emotional torment and physical agony on a level you cannot even psychologically comprehend, forever. You will experience pain that would drive you mad if you had a physical body, but instead you'll just endure that for all time. Not only will you feel the worst effects of human loneliness and psychological agony, but physical pain too, without any hope of recourse or succor.

RobattoJesus posted:

When you die, you wake up in the middle of a gigantic amphitheatre completely surrounded by thousands and thousands of what you assume are angels. The most beautiful being you've ever seen walks towards you and gives you a warm embrace "My darling, you've returned from your mission, at last! We have waited for you for 80 long years! Did you retrieve the information that we need to end all suffering throughout the universe?" "I uh....!?" you reply. "Do you remember your mission my love? You would go down to earth and live a pure and chaste life, faithful to me and our pure love that has lasted for aeons, and through deep meditation and introspection you would transcend the mortal dimension and come to learn the true meaning of the universe!" "Oh....hmm"

"Yes my dear, you were chosen as the strongest of all of us! Please, approach the orb so you can share your human memories with us all!" "W....uhhh..... I don't think that's a good idea" "My love, everyone is waiting, please you're embarassing me!" "Uhh...." You place your hands on the orb and the clouds dance and change colors until they align into a picture of you sat behind a computer screen in your underpants. "My dear, what is this? What is this somethingawful dot com?" The crowd begins to murmur. Your lover takes a step towards the crowd "Please! Brothers and Sisters! Wait! Let us see what our loyal friend has to say! This could be the knowledge we have been waiting for all this time!" The cloud projection of your memory opens up the new reply box and begins giggling, you know what's coming and you wish you could die twice. "My love, bestow your wisdom upon us!" almost in slow motion you see your fingers type that cursed phrase.... you shut your eyes and hold your breath.

You wait for a slap, or shouts, or anything. Instead you hear the most melliflulous singing you have ever heard. Every angel is singing in unison "im gay". The clouds part and you see the earth being bathed in light, all suffering evaporating before your very eyes. Tears roll down everyone's cheeks as they witness the most beautiful sight the universe has ever seen, except it's slightly ruined because in the still-running memory projection you have opened up an incognito window and are currently mashing your junk to weird japanese cartoon porn.

mallratcal posted:

I plan to bluff my way into Valhalla.

RobattoJesus posted:

When you die, you wake up in the middle of a gigantic amphitheatre completely surrounded by thousands and thousands of what you assume are angels. The most beautiful being you've ever seen walks towards you and gives you a warm embrace "My darling, you've returned from your mission, at last! We have waited for you for 80 long years! Did you retrieve the information that we need to end all suffering throughout the universe?" "I uh....!?" you reply. "Do you remember your mission my love? You would go down to earth and live a pure and chaste life, faithful to me and our pure love that has lasted for aeons, and through deep meditation and introspection you would transcend the mortal dimension and come to learn the true meaning of the universe!" "Oh....hmm"

"Yes my dear, you were chosen as the strongest of all of us! Please, approach the orb so you can share your human memories with us all!" "W....uhhh..... I don't think that's a good idea" "My love, everyone is waiting, please you're embarassing me!" "Uhh...." You place your hands on the orb and the clouds dance and change colors until they align into a picture of you sat behind a computer screen in your underpants. "My dear, what is this? What is this somethingawful dot com?" The crowd begins to murmur. Your lover takes a step towards the crowd "Please! Brothers and Sisters! Wait! Let us see what our loyal friend has to say! This could be the knowledge we have been waiting for all this time!" The cloud projection of your memory opens up the new reply box and begins giggling, you know what's coming and you wish you could die twice. "My love, bestow your wisdom upon us!" almost in slow motion you see your fingers type that cursed phrase.... you shut your eyes and hold your breath.

You wait for a slap, or shouts, or anything. Instead you hear the most melliflulous singing you have ever heard. Every angel is singing in unison "im gay". The clouds part and you see the earth being bathed in light, all suffering evaporating before your very eyes. Tears roll down everyone's cheeks as they witness the most beautiful sight the universe has ever seen, except it's slightly ruined because in the still-running memory projection you have opened up an incognito window and are currently mashing your junk to weird japanese cartoon porn.

Piggy Smalls posted:

We can’t avoid death. It will one day touch us all. The question I have is how does it feel to not feel. How horrible it will be to not remember those that you loved for eternity. The planets will explode and the sun will burn out and yet we will still be dead forever and ever.

Katamari Democracy posted:

I heard to avoid death you must become a Juggalo

redm posted:

Chubbs posted:

butt dust

Skypie posted:

mods???

SleepySonata posted:

Bunch of loving litches itt yucking it up over the mortal folks.

unpleasantly turgid posted:

death touched me op, but he got off the registry without breaking a sweat. the system is rigged and i can't take it anymore