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The Something Awful Forums > Archives > Comedy Goldmine > The Goodmine > Where It All Began - Let's Read the Twilight Series
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chitoryu12
Apr 24, 2014

* # ? Oct 26, 2021 19:32
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# ? Apr 18, 2024 12:46
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chitoryu12
Apr 24, 2014
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KgpY9nCo43k

What's supposed to be a relationship therapy video turns into the two of them trying to figure out how a good director and two good actors turned out such a dogshit movie, and it turns out to be "accurate book portrayal."

Also, in case you don't follow my Bond thread where I said this, I'm not dead! I've been forming a new business and traveling constantly so I've just had very little time for posting. Everything I have planned is still getting finished, just at my own pace to avoid overloading myself.

* # ? Dec 26, 2021 04:51
  • Quote
Dirt Road Junglist
Oct 8, 2010

We will be cruel
And through our cruelty
They will know who we are

chitoryu12 posted:

What's supposed to be a relationship therapy video turns into the two of them trying to figure out how a good director and two good actors turned out such a dogshit movie, and it turns out to be "accurate book portrayal."

This is where I think Hemlock Grove went astray. I ended up watching the series 3 times in a couple weeks for no good reason, and I've always enjoyed it despite it being...well, it's shite. It's absolutely shite. So I picked the book it was based on up on a whim, and holy poo poo, every problem with the TV series goes back to the fact that they let the author write the series, and my hot take is that he chunked the book up into 13 equal chunks and made each of those an episode. The pacing is poo poo awful, the reveals of key events make little sense, and there are seemingly superfluous characters all over. Turns out, all of that works great in the book! But if I were to adapt it, I would have tossed entire subplots and introduced more core concepts sooner.

The other thing people poo poo on Hemlock Grove over is the language, but again, it works in the book. I dunno. The whole thing is a flawed shitshow, but I kinda enjoy it.

The later seasons don't have any book basis and are increasingly terrible as they go along. The season finale of S2 is so amazingly horrible it almost wraps around into a MST3K-able situation. And one of the villains goes fully unhinged and starts having a sitcom-roommates friendship with a corpse, and it's :discourse: because Famke Janssen grabs the scenery with her teeth and gnaws heartily uponst it.

chitoryu12 posted:

Also, in case you don't follow my Bond thread where I said this, I'm not dead! I've been forming a new business and traveling constantly so I've just had very little time for posting. Everything I have planned is still getting finished, just at my own pace to avoid overloading myself.

Sounds good! Looking forward to it.

* # ? Dec 26, 2021 08:34
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chitoryu12
Apr 24, 2014

quote:

“Fun,” I scoffed. She ignored me.

Back to the airport. She chooses a white Suburban from the rental counter. It doesn’t look that much like the Cayenne, but it’s large and white and any witness with a story that doesn’t match will be written off. She doesn’t see any such witness, but she’s being meticulous.

Alice drives the Cayenne. She’s having an easier time with the scent than Jasper and Emmett; even though Bella is no longer in danger from them, the smell burns them when they breathe. They follow at a distance in the Suburban. She finds a car wash called Deluxe Detail. She pays with cash, and warns the boy at the counter—who is staring, mesmerized, at her face—that her niece threw up a bunch of tomato juice in the backseat. She points to her shoes. The besotted boy promises that the car will be spotless when they’re finished. (No one will question this story. The technician, fearing the scent of vomit will make him ill, will breathe only through his mouth.) She gives the name Mary. She thinks about washing her shoes off in the bathroom but sees that it won’t help very much.

The smell of vomit is really obvious, even if you only breathe through your mouth.

quote:

She will wait an hour for the car to be finished. She calls the hotel after the first fifteen minutes have passed, ducking out the back door and standing in the shade where the sounds of vacuums and sprayers keep anyone from overhearing her words. She apologizes to the same woman at the front desk, her voice frantic. A visiting friend, a horrible accident in the back stairwell. The window… the blood… (Alice is barely coherent). Yes, she’s at the hospital with the friend now. But the window! The glass! Someone else could get hurt. Please, it should be cordoned off until maintenance can clean it up. She has to go—they’re going to let her in to see her friend. Thank you. So sorry.

Alice sees that the woman at the desk will not call the police. She will call management. They will direct the woman to get everything cleaned up before someone else is hurt. That will be the story when the legal papers are served: They cleaned up the evidence for safety’s sake. They will wait in miserable suspense for the lawsuit that never comes. It will be more than a year before they start to believe their amazing luck.

So after immediately smashing the crap out of the stairwell and spraying blood everywhere, they took enough time to rent a whole new car from the airport and then drive to a car wash, arrange everything with the tomato juice story, then wait another 15 minutes before rushing into the lobby to tell the woman at the front desk (who should have witnessed everything, including people being evacuated or an ambulance showing up outside), that an accident just happened that she somehow didn't notice?

quote:

The detailing done, Alice examines the backseat. There’s no visible evidence. She tips the technician. Alice gets into the Cayenne and takes a deep breath in through her nose. Well, the car won’t pass a luminol test, but she sees that it won’t get one.

Jasper and Emmett follow her to a mall in downtown Scottsdale. She parks the Cayenne on the third floor of a huge parking garage. It will be four days before the security guard reports the abandoned vehicle.

Alice and Jasper go shopping while Emmett waits in the rental car. She buys a pair of tennis shoes in a busy Gap. No one looks down at her feet. She pays cash.

She buys Emmett a T-shirt-thin hoodie that actually fits him. She buys six large bags of clothes in her size, Carlisle’s size, Emmett’s size, and my own. She uses a different ID and credit card than she used at the hotel. Jasper acts as a Sherpa for her.

Even vampires make the husband carry the bags at the mall.

quote:

Finally, she buys four suitcases that don’t match. She and Jasper wheel them to the rental car, where she pulls tags and fills them all with brand-new clothes. She throws her bloody shoes in a dumpster on their way out.

There are no rewinds or replays. Everything goes perfectly smoothly.

Jasper and Alice drop Emmett off at the airport. He takes one of the carry-on suitcases; he looks less conspicuous than he did for the morning flight.

They find Carlisle’s Mercedes where they left it in the parking garage. Jasper kisses Alice and starts the long drive home.

Once the boys are gone, Alice empties the last unit of blood onto the backseat and floor of the rental car. She takes it to a do-it-yourself car wash outside a gas station. She doesn’t do nearly as good a job cleaning up as the detailers. She’ll get fined when she returns the car.

It will be raining when Emmett lands in Seattle, only a half hour till sunset. A taxi will take him to the ferry. It will be easy for him to slip into the Puget Sound, ditching the suitcase in the water, and then—swimming and running—it will be just thirty minutes until he gets to the house. He’ll take Bella’s truck and immediately head back to Phoenix.

Alice frowned in the present and shook her head. This plan would take too long. The truck was incredibly slow.

Stop being so mean to the truck!

quote:

We were just four minutes from the hospital now. Bella was still breathing slowly and evenly in my arms, and we were all still covered in blood. Emmett and Jasper were both still holding their breath. I blinked and tried to reorient myself. When Alice’s visions were detailed like this, it was easy to lose track of what was happening in the moment. She was better at acclimatizing back and forth than I was.

Alice opened her phone again and dialed a number. She was swimming in Emmett’s sweatshirt, Jasper’s watch dangling from her wrist.

“Rose?”

In the tight, quiet space, we could all hear Rosalie’s panicked voice. “What’s happening? Emmett—”

“Emmett’s fine. I need—”

“Where’s the tracker?”

“The tracker is out of the picture.”

Rosalie gasped audibly.

“I need you to rent a flatbed tow truck,” Alice instructed. “Or buy one, whatever’s faster—something with some kick. Load Bella’s truck and meet Emmett in Seattle. His flight lands at five-thirty.”

How the hell is renting a flatbed going to get the truck where it needs to be faster than just driving it?

quote:

“Emmett’s coming home? What happened? Why am I towing that ridiculous truck?”

For a brief moment, I wondered why Alice was sending Emmett home at all. Why not let Rosalie just bring the truck here? It was the obvious solution. And then I realized that Alice couldn’t see Rosalie helping us in that way, and I felt an ice-cold wave of bitterness at the reminder. Rosalie had made her choice.

Emmett wanted to reach for the phone, to calm Rose, but he was still unable to open his mouth.

It was amazing how well both he and Jasper were doing. I thought the extra stimulation of the fight was probably still affecting them, helping them ignore the blood.

If only it worked at parties.

quote:

“Don’t worry about it,” Alice said curtly. “I’m just cleaning up the loose ends. Emmett will give you all the details. Let Esme know it’s over, but we’ll be detained for a bit. She should stay near Bella’s father in case the redhead—”

Rosalie’s voice went flat. “She’s coming for Charlie?”

“No, I don’t see that,” Alice assured her. “But better safe, right? Carlisle will call her as soon as he can. Hurry up, Rose, you’ve got a deadline.”

“You’re such a brat.”

Alice disconnected the phone.

Well, Emmett will get to keep the clothes, at least. I’m glad. They’re going to look amazing on him.

Priorities!

quote:

Emmett was pleased with the call. Happy to know he would be with Rose in just hours, and she would get his side of the story. No reason at all to mention the ridiculous thing with Jasper. If Alice didn’t see any problems with the redhead, then Rose could make the ride back to Phoenix with him. Or maybe she wouldn’t want to.… He looked down at Bella’s wan face, her fractured leg. A deep swell of fraternal affection and concern washed over him.

She’s such a good kid. Rose is going to have to get over this, he thought to himself. Pronto.

"Or my brother is going to keep making those scrunched-up faces of disgust and anguish when he comes in."

quote:

Alice’s brow was furrowed. She thought through her chores and looked at the consequences of all the hundreds of choices she had made. She saw herself at the hospital, bringing us clothes from our suitcases so we could get out of our bloody things. Had she caught everything? Had any details slipped her mind?

Everything was fine. Or it would be.

“Well done, Alice,” I whispered approvingly.

She smiled.

Jasper pulled up to the emergency room, keeping his distance from the camera on this side of the entrance, looking for our shade.

I adjusted my grip on Bella and prepared to go through it all again for the first time.
* # ? Jan 4, 2022 19:07
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macabresca
Jan 26, 2019

I WANNA HUG
Just looked back that this chapter is called 'Chores' and I gotta give it to SMeyer, reading it really feels like one

* # ? Jan 5, 2022 12:20
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chitoryu12
Apr 24, 2014
Chapter 28: Three Conversations

Amazingly, we're at 90% through with only these two chapters and an epilogue to go!

quote:

Dr. Sadarangani, Carlisle's friend, did make things smoother. Carlisle had him paged while they were still bringing a gurney for Bella. It only took minutes for Dr. Sadarangani to get Bella started on her first transfusion. Once she was receiving blood, Carlisle relaxed. He was fairly sure that everything else was in order.

It was not so easy for me to be calm. Of course I trusted Carlisle, and Dr. Sadarangani seemed competent. I could read their honest judgment of her status. I heard the wonder of Dr. Sadarangani and the doctors on his team when they inspected the perfect suturing of Bella’s wounds, the impeccable setting of her leg in the field. I heard Dr. Sadarangani behind closed doors, regaling his coworkers with tales of Dr. Cullen’s exploits in the inner-city hospital in Baltimore where they’d worked together fourteen years ago. I heard the surprise he voiced at Carlisle’s unchanged appearance, and his silent suspicions that—despite Carlisle’s claims that the cool, humid air of the Pacific Northwest was a natural fountain of youth—Carlisle had been experimenting in plastics. He was sanguine enough about Bella’s case to beg Carlisle to look in on a few of his as yet undiagnosed patients, declaring to his interns that they would never see a better diagnostician than Dr. Cullen. And Carlisle was confident enough in her condition that he agreed to go help others.

Casual reminder that Carlisle looks barely old enough to drink, and is in fact quite suspicious.

quote:

But this wasn’t life or death for either of them the way it was for me. That was my life on the gurney. My life, pale and unresponsive, covered in tubes and tape and plaster. I kept myself together as best I could.

I guess the only option is to eat the entire hospital in despair.

quote:

As the attending physician, Dr. Sadarangani had made the first call to Charlie, which was painful to listen to. Carlisle quickly took over for him and explained the fictional version of what he and I were doing here as succinctly as possible, assured Charlie that everything was going well, and promised to call soon with more information. I could hear the panic in Charlie’s voice and was sure that he was no more persuaded than I.

It didn’t take very long before Bella was presumed in stable condition and placed in a recovery room. Alice hadn’t even returned from her errands.

The new blood pulsing through Bella’s body altered her scent in a way I should have anticipated, but it took me by surprise. While I was aware of a significant lessening of my thirst-pain, I didn’t enjoy the change. This strange blood seemed an interloper, alien. It wasn’t part of her and I resented the intrusion, irrational as that was. Her scent would begin to return in just twenty-four hours, before she’d even woken up. But she would not entirely replace that which was lost for many weeks. Regardless, this brief distortion was too strong a reminder that, at some point in the future, the scent that had compelled me for so long would be lost to me forever.

Well, there's another weird thing to add!

quote:

Everything had been done that could be done. Now there was nothing left but the waiting.

During the interminable lull, there were few things that could hold my attention. I updated Esme. Alice returned, but left quickly when she saw that I would rather be alone. I stared through the east-facing window at a busy road and a few modest skyscrapers. I listened to the steady beat of her heart to stay sane.

A few conversations, however, had some significance for me. Carlisle waited until he was in Bella’s room with me to call Charlie again. He knew I would want to listen.

“Hello, Charlie.”

“Carlisle? What’s happening?”

“She’s had a transfusion and an MRI. Things look very good so far. It doesn’t appear there are any internal injuries we missed.”

“Can I talk to her?”

“They’re keeping her sedated for a while. It’s perfectly normal. She would be in too much pain if she were awake.” I winced while Carlisle continued. “She needs to heal for a few days.”

“Are you sure everything is okay?”

"This has nothing to do with the massive car chase through Phoenix where someone was witnessed throwing a street racer's car into oncoming traffic, right? Or the complete destruction of a nearby ballet studio Bella used to go to?"

quote:

“I promise you, Charlie. I will tell you the moment there is something to worry about. She really is going to be fine. She’ll be on crutches for a while, but other than that, she’ll be back to normal.”

“Thank you, Carlisle. I’m so glad you were there.”

“So am I.”

“I know this must be putting you out—”

“Don’t even mention it, Charlie. I’m only too happy to stay with Bella till she’s ready to come home.”

“I’ll admit, that does make me feel a lot better. Will… will Edward be staying, too? I mean, with school and everything…”

“He’s already spoken with his teachers,” Carlisle said, though actually Alice was the one who would set everything up, “and they’re letting him work remotely. He’s keeping track of Bella’s homework, too, though I’m sure the teachers will cut her a break.” Carlisle pitched his voice a bit lower. “He’s gutted about all this, you know.”

I should point out that this book takes place in 2005. Remote learning was still a new thing and I would be very surprised if such a tiny town as Forks had it easily accessible. You couldn't even get reliable wi-fi, so is Edward going to an internet cafe down the road?

quote:

“I’m not sure I understand. He—Edward talked you into going to all the way to Phoenix?”

Yeah, the Cullens' excuses do start to get a little far-fetched after the first few times.

quote:

“Yes. He was extremely concerned when Bella left. He felt responsible. He thought he had to put it right.”

“What even happened?” Charlie asked, sounding bewildered. “One minute everything is normal and then Bella is shrieking about liking your boy, and that being a problem, and then she’s running out in the middle of the night? Did you get anything coherent out of yours?”

“Yes, we had time to discuss everything on the way here. I guess Edward told Bella how much he cares for her. He said at first she seemed happy, but then something clearly started to bother her. She got upset and wanted to go home. When they got there, she told him to go away.”

“Yeah, I was there for that.”

“Edward still doesn’t understand what it was all about. They didn’t have a chance to talk before…” Charlie sighed. “That part I get. It’s some complicated stuff with her mother. She was overreacting just a little, I think.”

"She was specifically bringing up my relationship trauma to hurt me. I get it."

quote:

“I’m sure she had her reasons.”

Charlie harrumphed uncomfortably. “But what do you think about all this, Carlisle? I mean, they’re just teenagers. Isn’t this a little… intense?”

Carlisle’s answering laugh was breezy. “Don’t you remember being seventeen?”

“Not really, no.”

Carlisle laughed again. “Do you remember the first time you fell in love?”

Charlie was quiet for a minute. “Yeah, I do. Hard stuff to forget.”

“It is indeed.” Carlisle sighed. “I’m so sorry, Charlie. If we hadn’t come here, she wouldn’t have even been in that stairwell in the first place.”

“Now, now, don’t start with that, Carlisle. If you weren’t there, she could have fallen through a window anywhere. And she wouldn’t have been so lucky if you weren’t close by.”

“I’m just happy she’s safe.”

“It’s killing me not to be there.”

“I’d happily arrange a flight—”

“No, that’s not the problem.” Charlie sighed. “You know we don’t get a lot of serious crime up here, but that nasty assault case from last summer is finally going to trial and if I’m not here to testify, it would only help the defense.”

I checked and no, this isn't referencing anything in any book.

quote:

“Of course, Charlie. There’s no need for you to worry. Do your job, put the bad guy away, and I’ll make sure Bella is back to you in good condition, very soon.”

“I wouldn’t be able to stay in my right mind if you weren’t there. So thank you again. I’m sending Renée out. That will probably make Bella happier anyway.”

“That’s a wonderful idea. I’m delighted to get the chance to meet Bella’s mother.”

“I’m warning you now, she’ll make a fuss.”

"Like, to a psychopathic degree."

quote:

“That’s certainly her prerogative as a mother.”

“Thank you again, Carlisle. Thank you for taking care of my girl.”

“Of course, Charlie.”

Carlisle only sat with me a few moments after he disconnected. It was always difficult for him to sit still inside a hospital full of suffering humans. It should have made me feel better that he had no concerns about leaving Bella. It didn’t.

The next significant thing to happen was the arrival of Bella’s mother. It was nearly midnight when Alice let me know that Renée would be in Bella’s room in fifteen minutes.

I tried to clean myself up a little in the attached bathroom. Alice had brought us the new clothes, so I wasn’t looking macabre, at least. Fortunately, by the time I’d thought to check, my eyes were back to normal, a dark ocher. Not that a small ring of red would have been so noticeable with everything else that was going on; I just didn’t want to see it myself.

Don't lie, you absolutely look like you're wearing eyeshadow.

quote:

Done with that, I went back to brooding. I wondered if Bella’s mother would hold me more responsible than her father had. If either of them had known the real story…

See? He loving goes back to brooding as soon as he's done!

quote:

My wallowing was abruptly interrupted by something unexpected. Something I’d never heard before, which was rare indeed: a voice so clear and strong that for a second I thought someone had come in the room without my noticing.

My daughter. Please, someone. Where do I go? My baby…

My next thought was that someone was shouting or screaming in the hospital lobby downstairs—as that seemed to be the location of the voice, now that I was concentrating—but no one had noticed a ruckus.

Remember how Charlie's mind was unusually impenetrable to Edward?

quote:

However, they had all noticed something else.

A woman, maybe thirty, maybe older. Pretty, but visibly distraught. Her distress was eye-catching, conspicuous, though she stood quietly in an out of the way corner, seeming unsure. Several orderlies and two nurses with places to be paused to see what she needed.

It was obviously Bella’s mother. I’d seen her in Charlie’s mind, and she bore a striking resemblance to her daughter. I’d thought Charlie’s memory was of Renée as a younger woman, but it could also have been more current. She hadn’t aged much. I guessed that she and Bella would often be mistaken for sisters. “I’m looking for my daughter. She came in this afternoon. She was in an accident. She fell through a window.…”

Renée’s physical voice was perfectly normal, similar to but a little higher pitched than Bella’s own. Her mental voice, however, was piercing.

It was fascinating to watch how the other minds responded. No one seemed to notice the ringing mental broadcast, yet everyone was compelled to help her. Somehow, they were picking up on her need, and unable to ignore it. I listened, mesmerized by the interplay between her mind and theirs. An orderly and a nurse led her through the halls, towing her small bag for her, anxious to help.

I remembered my earlier speculations about Bella’s mother—my curiosity to understand what kind of mind had combined with Charlie’s to create someone as distinct and unusual as Bella.

Renée was the opposite of Charlie. I wondered whether that was somehow what had brought them together in the beginning.

With her redundant number of guides, it didn’t take Renée long to find Bella’s room. She picked up another escort on her way: Bella’s assigned RN, who was immediately drawn to Renée’s urgency.

For a moment, I imagined Renée as a vampire. Would her thoughts shout audibly at everyone, inescapable? I couldn’t imagine that she would be very popular. I was surprised to find myself smiling at the thought—well and truly distracted.

Bella has a mind that Edward can't read. Renesmee has the ability to telepathically share her exact thoughts and memories with someone by touch.

For whatever reason, Stephenie Meyer decided that the Swan family's powers needed a genetic explanation. This now brings up even more questions: how many humans have latent supernatural abilities that are only unlocked by turning into a vampire?

quote:

Renée hurried into the room, dropping her bag at the door, the RN close beside her. At first Renée didn’t notice me leaning against the window, her eyes only for her daughter. Bella lay unmoving, the bruises just starting to bloom across her face. Her head was wrapped in gauze—though Carlisle had managed to keep them from shaving her hair—and there were tubes and monitors hooked to her everywhere. Her broken leg was casted from toes to thigh, and elevated on a contoured foam support.

Bella, oh baby, look at you. Oh no.

Another similarity to Bella—Renée’s blood was sweet. Not in the same way as Bella’s. Renée’s was too sweet, almost cloying. It was an interesting, if not entirely appealing, fragrance. I’d never noticed anything unusual about Charlie’s scent, but combined with Renée’s it had made for something potent.

This is just weird, man.

quote:

“She’s sedated,” the RN said quickly as Renée approached the bed, hands outstretched. “She’ll be out for a bit, but you’ll be able to talk to her in a few days.”

“Can I touch her?” It was a whisper and a shout.

“Sure, you can pat her arm right there if you like, just be gentle.”

Renée stood by her daughter and rested two fingers lightly against Bella’s forearm. Tears started to cascade down Renée’s cheeks, and the RN put a motherly arm around her. It was hard for me to hold my place. I wanted to comfort her, too.

I’m so sorry, baby. I’m so, so sorry.

“There, there, honey. She’s gonna be fine, all right? That pretty doctor stitched her up as neat as I’ve ever seen. You don’t need to cry, hon. Why don’t you come sit over here and relax? It was a long flight, I bet. You came in from Georgia?”

Renée sniffed. “Florida.”

“You must be exhausted. Your daughter’s not going anywhere and she’s not doing any tricks, either. Why don’t you try to get some sleep, hon?”

Renée let herself be led toward the blue vinyl recliner in the corner of the room.

“Do you need anything? We’ve got some toiletries at the counter if you want to freshen up,” the nurse offered. She was a grandmotherly type, with long gray hair rolled into a bun on top of her head. Her nametag said “Gloria.” I’d met her earlier and not noticed her much, but I found myself feeling fondly toward her now. Was that for her kindness, or was I reacting to Renée’s appreciation? What a strange thing it was, being near someone who projected—apparently totally unconsciously—her thoughts this way. I supposed it was a little like Jasper, though rough and unsophisticated in comparison. And it wasn’t emotional projection, it was definitely her thoughts. Only I was aware I was hearing them.

This gave new dimension to what Bella’s life with her mother must have been. No wonder she had been so protective, so nurturing. No wonder she’d given up her childhood to take care of this woman.

The gently caress? She gave up her childhood because her mother was a useless womanchild who couldn't even keep a job or clean the house! Why are you defending this, Meyer?

quote:

“I’ve got my things.” Renée nodded tiredly to the small suitcase in the doorway.

I was feeling a bit like an elephant in the room. Neither of them had noticed me yet, though I was quite obvious. The lights were dimmed for nighttime, but still bright enough for the nurses to do their work.

I decided to announce my presence.

“Let me get that for you.”

I moved quickly to place her bag on a small counter convenient to the recliner.

Like Charlie’s, Renée’s first reaction was a sudden spike of fear and adrenaline. She shook that off quickly, assuming she was just overtired and my unexpected movement had startled her.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j8CWQILIBWU

quote:

I’m so jumpy. But who could this be? Um, hmm. Is this the pretty doctor? He looks too young.

The pretty doctor looks only a few years younger than him!

quote:

“Oh, hey there, son,” Gloria said, a little disapproving. She’d had time to grow used to both Carlisle and me. “I thought you’d gone home.”

“My father asked me to keep an eye on Bella while he’s helping Dr. Sadarangani. He left me some specific things he wanted watched.”

I’d used the same excuse several times today. I’d said it with confidence, and the nurses had let their objections slide.

“Are they still at it? They’re going to fall asleep standing up.”

Of course, Dr. Sadarangani had long ago headed home. But he’d introduced Carlisle to the hematologist on the night shift, and Carlisle was off consulting on some of the more difficult cases.

Bella’s mother was broadcasting her confusion. Gloria jumped in to make the introductions.

“This is Dr. Cullen’s son. Dr. Cullen is the one who saved your daughter’s life.”

“You’re Edward,” Renée realized.

This is the boyfriend? Oh boy. Bella doesn’t stand a chance.

“I only have the one recliner, honey,” Gloria said, “and I think Mrs. Dwyer needs it more than you.”

“Of course. I slept earlier. I’m perfectly comfortable standing.”

"All night, without moving a muscle, for no reason."

quote:

I want to talk to him.

“It’s fine,” Renée said out loud. “I’d like to hear about the accident, if it’s okay. We’ll be very quiet.”

I wanted to laugh at that.

“Of course. I’ll just do my rounds and check in later on. Try to get some rest, hon.”

I smiled as warmly as I could at the woman, and she softened a little.

Poor kid. He’s really worried. Won’t hurt anything if he stays, especially with the mom here.
* # ? Jan 17, 2022 17:51
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Shwoo
Jul 21, 2011

chitoryu12 posted:

The gently caress? She gave up her childhood because her mother was a useless womanchild who couldn't even keep a job or clean the house! Why are you defending this, Meyer?
She gave up her childhood because her useless womanchild mother psychically compelled her to take care of her without realising she was doing it.

Which I'm sure will never be touched on or acknowledged again, and not just because the book is nearly over.

* # ? Jan 18, 2022 00:42
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chitoryu12
Apr 24, 2014
Looking back on it, Edward surprising the RN and Renee is so stupidly Edward. His first reaction to hearing people coming is to find a dark corner to dramatically, silently stare from.

* # ? Jan 18, 2022 19:02
  • Quote
Anias
Jun 3, 2010

It really is a lovely hat

chitoryu12 posted:

Looking back on it, Edward surprising the RN and Renee is so stupidly Edward. His first reaction to hearing people coming is to find a dark corner to dramatically, silently stare from.

His first instinct was to look for a fainting couch, the corner of solitude and brooding was a fallback position...

* # ? Jan 21, 2022 22:55
  • Quote
chitoryu12
Apr 24, 2014

quote:

I walked over to Renée and held my hand out. She shook it weakly without standing, exhausted. She recoiled slightly from the chill; an echo of her earlier adrenaline rush washed through her.

“Oh, sorry, the AC is freezing in here. I’m Edward Cullen. I’m very glad to meet you, Mrs. Dwyer, I just wish it was under better circumstances.”

He sounds very mature. The room resonated with her approval.

Just wait until he has to express an emotion!

quote:

“Call me Renée,” she said automatically. “I… I’m sorry, I’m not really myself.”

My, but he’s handsome.

Oh my God, can you people stop creeping on "high school" students?

quote:

“Of course you’re not. You should rest, as the nurse said.”

“No,” Renée objected quietly—in her physical voice, at least. “Do you mind talking with me for just a minute?”

“Of course not,” I answered. “I’m sure you have a thousand questions.”

I picked up the molded plastic chair from beside Bella’s bed and moved it closer to Renée.

“She didn’t tell me about you,” Renée announced. Her thoughts rang with hurt.

“I… I’m sorry. We haven’t been… dating for very long.”

That's right, Bella didn't tell her mom in the first book. Even though she came off as liking him more than Charlie (because she's an rear end in a top hat), she only told Charlie because she had no choice if they wanted to be together in such a small town.

quote:

Renée nodded, and then sighed. “I think it’s my fault. Things have been stressful with Phil’s schedule and, well, I haven’t been the best listener.”

Or adult.

quote:

“I’m sure she would have told you soon.” And then, in the face of her self-doubt, I lied. “I didn’t tell my parents for a bit, either. I think neither of us wanted to jinx things by speaking too soon. It’s a little silly.”

Renée smiled. That’s sweet. “It’s not silly.”

I smiled back.

What a heartbreaking smile. Oh, I hope he’s not playing with her.

Not yet!

You'll see what I mean.

quote:

I found myself stumbling to reassure her. “I’m so sorry about what happened. I feel horribly responsible and I’d do anything to make it right. If I could trade places with her, I’d do it.” Nothing but the truth there.

She reached out to pat my arm. I was glad the sleeve was thick enough to conceal my skin’s temperature. “It’s not your fault, Edward.”

I wished she were right.

“Charlie told me some of the story, but he was pretty confused,” she said.

“I think we all were. Bella, too.” I thought of that night, so innocent to begin with, all pleasure and happiness. How quickly everything had gone awry. I felt as though I was still trying to catch up.

“That’s my fault,” Renée said, suddenly miserable. “I think I messed my girl up. For her to run away because she cares about you—that’s all on me.”

Yeah, you kinda were a horrible role model.

quote:

“No, don’t think that.” I knew how much it had hurt Bella to say those things to Charlie. I could imagine what she would feel to know her mother was taking this on herself. “Bella’s a very strong-willed person. She does what she wants. Anyway, she probably just needed some sun.”

Renée smiled a tiny bit at that. “Maybe.”

“Did you want to hear about the accident?”

“No, I just said that to the nurse. Bella fell down some stairs, it’s not that unusual.” It was amazing how easily both of her parents accepted the story. “The window was unfortunate.”

"Very."

Bella is so comically clumsy that even the most unbelievable accidents are commonplace.

quote:

“I just wanted to get to know you a little. Bella wouldn’t be acting this way if her feelings were mild. She’s never cared seriously about anyone before. I’m not sure she knows what to do.”

I smiled at her again. “She and I both.”

Sure, handsome, she thought doubtfully. He’s very smooth.

“Be gentle with my baby,” she ordered, more forceful. “She feels things very deeply.”

"She'll attempt suicide at like, any time."

quote:

“I promise you I will never do anything to hurt her.” I said the words, and I meant them in the strongest way—I would give anything to keep Bella happy and safe—but I wasn’t sure they were true. Because what would hurt Bella the most? I couldn’t escape the truest answer.

Pomegranate seeds and my underworld. Hadn’t I just witnessed a brutal example of how badly my world could go wrong for her? And she was lying here broken because of it.

Surely, keeping her with me would be the greatest hurt possible.

Oh, you think so?

quote:

Hmm, he thinks he means it. Well, people get broken hearts, and then they recover. It’s part of life. But then she thought of Charlie’s face and was uneasy. I can’t think, I’m so tired. It will all make sense in the morning.

“You should sleep. It’s very late in Florida.” I could hear how distorted with pain my voice had become, but she didn’t know my voice that well.

Yeah, feel sorry for how much you tormented your ex-husband!

quote:

“Yes, I will.”

She nestled into her uncomfortable chair and was quickly unconscious.

I moved my chair back to Bella’s side. It was strange to see her so still in sleep. I wished more than anything that she would start mumbling something from her dreams. I wondered whether I was there with her, in the dark. I didn’t know if it was right to hope that I was.
* # ? Feb 4, 2022 00:50
  • Quote
chitoryu12
Apr 24, 2014
If you haven't been keeping up with the hottest new streaming show, Peacemaker, our very own Marcus the Depressed is playing a very creepy ARGUS agent!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e2v0OZ6tFeU

* # ? Feb 7, 2022 15:30
  • Quote
SUPERMAN'S GAL PAL
Feb 21, 2006

Holy Moly! DARKSEID IS!

SUPERMAN'S GAL PAL posted:

Every time I see the Bio teacher mentioned I keep thinking back to an interview where Meyer confirmed he too had a “slight crush on” Bella. I can’t find the exact quote for the life of me but in trying to search I’m seeing people insist that can’t be because it’s not mentioned in Midnight Sun.

Quoting myself because every time Edward overhears an adult woman (and note it’s always a woman) think he’s attractive I’m reminded of this.

* # ? Feb 7, 2022 15:52
  • Quote
chitoryu12
Apr 24, 2014
Especially because despite his chronological age, he is specifically mentally stuck at 17 forever, so it's always ephebophilia. He and Bella are incapable of being more than teenagers forever.

* # ? Feb 7, 2022 16:13
  • Quote
chitoryu12
Apr 24, 2014
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pz52gPH3ou4

Robert Pattinson got the role because he was stoned on Valium during the audition.

* # ? Feb 9, 2022 22:23
  • Quote
chitoryu12
Apr 24, 2014

quote:

While I listened to mother and daughter breathe, I thought about Alice for the first time since she’d left me here alone. It was unlike her to give me this much space, no matter how desperate my mental state. I realized I’d been expecting her to check on Bella and me for some time now. And I could only guess one reason why she had avoided me instead.

I’d had plenty of time to process the events of the day, but I hadn’t. I’d just stared at Bella and wished fruitlessly that I’d been more, that I’d been better. That I’d found the right thing and stuck to it before this nightmare could have touched her.

Now I realized there was something more I had to do. I knew it would be painful, but also that it would not be painful enough. I deserved worse. I didn’t want to leave Bella, but this wasn’t the place. I would call Alice. I wasn’t sure where she had gone to hide from me.

I'm going to decapitate you.

quote:

I stepped out into the hall—much to the interest of two nurses, who had wondered whether I would ever leave the room—and before I could reach for my phone I heard Alice’s thoughts coming up the stairs. I walked out to meet her just inside the stairwell doors.

It says something that I initially read this as the nurses also turning to gawk at how hot Edward is. This book was getting uncomfortable.

quote:

She was carrying something in her hands, something small and black and wrapped in thin cords, and she held it as though she wished she could crush her hands together to destroy it. Part of me was surprised she hadn’t.

I’ve had this argument with you over three hundred times, but I could never convince you.

Literally?

quote:

“No, you can’t. I need to see this.”

Agree to disagree. But here. She shoved the camera toward me, and I could see she was happy to be rid of it. I took it unwillingly. It felt dark and wrong in my hand. Go somewhere you can be alone.

I nodded. It was good advice.

I’ll keep an eye on Bella. It’s not necessary, but I know it will make you feel better.

“Thank you.”

Alice darted out of the stairwell.

You're about to enter one of the worst parts of this book: repetition. I will try to make it as skippable as possible.

quote:

I wandered the halls, which were quiet this late, but not unoccupied. I thought of ducking into a vacant patient room, but that didn’t feel secluded enough. I made my way to the lobby and exited to the grounds. This felt more alone, but I could still see the odd security officer making rounds. As long as I walked with purpose, they didn’t mind me, but if I were to linger, I was sure they would come question me.

I searched for a bubble of empty space, and was relieved to find an area devoid of human thoughts just across the large circular drive.

It seemed ironic that the deserted building was the campus chapel, lit and unlocked, despite the hour. I knew the place would have comforted Carlisle, but I was fairly sure nothing could help me now.

Ironic and extremely on-the-nose for what will come.

quote:

From the inside, I couldn’t find a way to lock the door, so I went to the very front of the room, as far from that door as possible. There were wooden folding chairs instead of pews. I pulled one against the wall, in the shadow of the organ.

Alice had left me with headphones. I put them in my ears.

Closing my eyes, I took a deep breath. Once I saw this, I would have it in my head forever. There would never be a release from it. That seemed fair. Bella had lived it. I would only have to watch.

I opened my eyes and powered the camera on. The replay screen was just two inches across. I didn’t know whether to be grateful for that, or if I deserved to see it on a much larger scale.

Yeah, this is the video James recorded.

quote:

The video began on a close-up of the tracker’s face. James—the name was too benign for what he was. He smiled at me, and I knew that this was what he wanted—to smile at me. This was all for me. What followed would be a conversation between the two of us. One-sided, sided, but for all that would happen, Bella would never be the object. I was.

“Hello,” he said in a pleasant tone. “Welcome to the show. I hope you enjoy what I’ve prepared for you. I’m sorry that it’s a little rushed, a little thrown together. Who would have guessed it would only take me a few days to win? Before the curtain goes up, so to speak, I’d like to remind you that this is really your own fault. If you’d stayed out of my way, it would have been quick. This is more fun, though, isn’t it? Again, enjoy!”

What follows is nothing but a recounting of what happens to Bella with James in the original book. Pages are going to be taken up just repeating what you've already seen. Every bit of dialogue is repeated with Edward just staring at it and being really dramatic.

For your sake and mine, I'm going to skip anything that isn't important/funny/ridiculous to read. Otherwise I'm going to hit the character limit just repeating a scene.

quote:

My own fear and horror grew with hers. How would I survive this? I didn’t know. But she had, so I must.

When the tracker was sure I’d had time to absorb her dawning fear, he widened the frame again, turning the angle slightly so that I could now see his reflection in the mirror over Bella’s shoulder.

“I’m sorry, but I just don’t think he’ll be able to resist hunting me after he watches this.” He was satisfied again with his production. Bella’s terror was the drama he’d been waiting for, expecting. “And I wouldn’t want him to miss anything. It was all for him, of course. You’re simply a human, who unfortunately was in the wrong place, at the wrong time, and indisputably running with the wrong crowd, I might add.”

During the whole scene, James was constantly adjusting the camera to make sure Edward could see the drama.

quote:

He walked closer and closer until he was looming over her, then reached out with one hand, and I nearly crushed the camera again. He didn’t hurt her yet, he just played with a strand of her hair, drawing out her dread. Milking it.

I slid out of the chair, to the ground, and put the camera on the floor beside me. I clenched my fists tightly together. It was good I had done this. Next the tracker reached out to softly stroke her cheek, and I wondered if I would break my hands.

Is it possible for a vampire to do that, now that I think about it? Hit themselves hard enough to shatter?

quote:

The glass was already broken, the buckled edges pointing outward like ragged silver teeth. Her head hit nearly the same spot as before, but this time the glass teeth ripped into her scalp as gravity pulled her down to the floor. The sound of her skin giving way was impossible to miss.

You can hear her skin?

quote:

Eventually, Alice walked toward the lens. A spasm of agony crossed her features, and I knew she was seeing a vision of the recording, and also, I was sure, a vision of me watching it now. She picked up the camera, and the screen went dark.

I reached slowly for the camera and then, just as slowly, methodically crushed it into a pile of metal and plastic dust.

When that was done, I pulled from my shirt pocket the little bottle cap I’d been carrying around with me for weeks. My token of Bella—my talisman, my silly but reassuring physical link to her. It flashed dully in my hand for a moment, and then I pulverized it between my thumb and index finger and let the fragments of steel fall onto the remains of the camera.

I didn’t deserve any link, any claim to her at all.

The reason you had no memory of Edward carrying around this bottle cap as a memento of Bella in the first book? Because he hid it for the entire time and destroyed it without her ever knowing it was a thing!

That tear is still in him though. Just thought I should bring that up.

quote:

I sat for a long time in the empty chapel. At one point, music started playing quietly through the speakers, but no one entered and there was no sign that anyone had noticed me here. I guessed the music was on an automatic timer. It was the adagio sostenuto from Rachmaninoff’s second piano concerto.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SrunBUiwnBs

quote:

I listened, numb and cold, trying to remind myself that Bella was going to be all right. That I could get up now and return to her side. That Alice had seen that her eyes would open again in only thirty-six more hours. A day and a night and a day.

None of that seemed relevant now. Because it was my fault, everything she had suffered.

I stared out the high windows across from me, watching the black of night slowly give way to a pale gray sky.

How long were you there?

quote:

And then I did something I hadn’t done in a century.

Curled there in a ball on the floor, motionless with agony… I prayed.

I didn’t pray to my God. I’d always instinctively known that there was no deity for my kind. It made no sense for immortals to have a god; we had taken ourselves out of any god’s power. We created our lives, and the only power strong enough to take them away again was another like us. Earthquakes couldn’t crush us, floods couldn’t drown us, fires were too slow to catch us. Sulfur and brimstone were irrelevant. We were the gods of our own alternate universe. Inside the mortal world but over it, never slaves to its laws, only our own.

There was no God that I belonged to. No one for me to supplicate. Carlisle had different ideas, and maybe, just maybe, an exception could be made for someone like him. But I wasn’t like him. I was stained like all the rest of our kind.

If you ever wondered why Edward was so convinced he had no afterlife, this is why. He just developed his own theology on instinct.

quote:

Instead, I prayed to her God. Because if there was some higher, benevolent power in her universe, then surely, surely, he or she or it would have to be concerned about this bravest and kindest daughter. If not, there was really no purpose to any such entity. I had to believe she mattered to that distant God, if one existed at all.

So I prayed to her God for the strength I would need. I knew I wasn’t strong enough in myself—the power would have to come from the outside. With perfect clarity, I recalled Alice’s visions of Bella abandoned—her bleak, shadowed, empty, hollow face. Her pain and her nightmares. I’d never been able to imagine my resolve not breaking, not caving to the knowledge of her grief. I couldn’t imagine it now. But I would have to do it. I had to learn the strength.

I prayed to her God with all the anguish of my damned, lost soul that he—or she, or it—would help me protect Bella from myself.
* # ? Feb 10, 2022 02:55
  • Quote
macabresca
Jan 26, 2019

I WANNA HUG

chitoryu12 posted:

Instead, I prayed to her God. Because if there was some higher, benevolent power in her universe, then surely, surely, he or she or it would have to be concerned about this bravest and kindest daughter. If not, there was really no purpose to any such entity. I had to believe she mattered to that distant God, if one existed at all.

:laffo:

* # ? Feb 10, 2022 10:49
  • Quote
Shwoo
Jul 21, 2011

 Thoughtful of the chapel to provide its own appropriate soundtrack suddenly. Is that also a vampire power?

* # ? Feb 10, 2022 12:53
  • Quote
Anias
Jun 3, 2010

It really is a lovely hat

 Ah yes, prayers to the god of lost causes and clumsy idiot children. At last the decision to fail at suicide by maniacal ancients makes sense.

* # ? Feb 10, 2022 21:41
  • Quote
chitoryu12
Apr 24, 2014
https://www.highsnobiety.com/p/robe...obox=1646693475

quote:

Shortly after, he was interviewed by French television channel Canal+, an appearance that somehow led Pattinson to recount a particularly dark moment in his childhood: getting in trouble for taking care of the snails in his school's playground.

"That's where my trauma came from," he said.

(Keep in mind: the snail story may or may not be real, given the actor's professed penchant for lying in interviews.)

Effervescent.

* # ? Mar 9, 2022 02:43
  • Quote
chitoryu12
Apr 24, 2014
https://twitter.com/gen_ironicus/status/1514041555727835145?s=21&t=DlqhqjoPewpUHro-45-bqg

Still not dead! Writing up the chapters!

* # ? Apr 13, 2022 02:01
  • Quote
chitoryu12
Apr 24, 2014
In the middle of writing. On a hiatus because I kinda sorta got hit by a car and I can’t get my arm up to my desk yet.

* # ? Jul 9, 2022 17:34
  • Quote
Midjack
Dec 24, 2007

chitoryu12 posted:

In the middle of writing. On a hiatus because I kinda sorta got hit by a car and I can’t get my arm up to my desk yet.
Try to avoid that, it hurts. Be well, we'll be here when you return.

* # ? Jul 9, 2022 17:36
  • Quote
Bmac32
Nov 25, 2012

chitoryu12 posted:

In the middle of writing. On a hiatus because I kinda sorta got hit by a car and I can’t get my arm up to my desk yet.

I sympathize. I've gotten kinda sorta hit by a car too. Hope you feel better soon.

* # ? Jul 10, 2022 01:15
  • Quote
macabresca
Jan 26, 2019

I WANNA HUG
Was the car a purple WRX STI painted in violently orange bubbles and driven by 100-years old teenagers? :ohdear:

Take care, hope you get well soon!

* # ? Jul 10, 2022 18:16
  • Quote
chitoryu12
Apr 24, 2014
Chapter 29: Inevitability

quote:

Alice had seen the moment when Bella would finally open her eyes. There were practical reasons why I needed to have some time alone with her before she spoke to anyone else; Bella knew nothing of our cover actions. Of course, Alice or Carlisle could have handled this, and Bella was bright enough to feign amnesia until she could get her story straight, but Alice knew I needed more than just to clear up the narrative.

Over the hours of waiting, Alice had introduced herself to Renée, and then proceeded to charm her until they were now close confidantes, in Renée’s head, at least. It was Alice who convinced Renée to go have lunch at the perfect time.

This was just after one o’clock in the afternoon. I’d had the blinds closed against the morning sun, but I’d be able to crack them soon. The sun was on the other side of the hospital now.

So Twilight vampires definitely only sparkle in direct sunlight. Artificial light or cloud cover is enough to make them look just normally pale. That's....not a weakness.

quote:

Once Renée was gone, I pulled my chair close to Bella’s bed, resting my elbows on the edge of the mattress next to her shoulder. I didn’t know if she would have felt the time passing, or if her mind would still be back in that accursed room of mirrors. She would need reassurance, and I knew her well enough to be sure that my face would comfort her. For good or ill, I put her at ease.

She started to fidget right on schedule. She’d moved before, but this was a more concentrated effort. Her forehead creased when her efforts caused her pain, and the little stress v appeared between her brows. As I had so often wanted to do, I brushed softly across that v with my index finger, trying to erase it. It faded slightly, and her eyes started to flutter. The beeping of her heart rate monitor accelerated slightly.

Your impulse is to...rub it out with your finger like a pencil eraser?

quote:

Her eyes opened, then closed. She tried again, squinting against the brightness of the overhead lights. She looked away, toward the window, while her eyes adjusted. Her heart was beating faster now. Hands struggling with the monitor lines, she reached for the tubing under her nose, obviously meaning to remove it. I caught her hand.

“No you don’t,” I said quietly.

Little did he know how often she'd try to do poo poo like this.

quote:

As soon as she heard my voice, her heart started to slow. “Edward?” She couldn’t turn her head as far as she wanted. I leaned closer. Our eyes met, and hers, still dotted with red, started filling with tears. “Oh, Edward, I’m so sorry.”

It hurt in a very specific and piercing kind of way when she apologized to me.

“Shhh,” I insisted. “Everything’s all right now.”

“What happened?” she asked, her forehead wrinkling as though she was trying to solve a riddle.

Weird amount of focus on that in this series, in retrospect.

quote:

I’d had my answer planned. I’d thought through the gentlest way to explain. Instead, my own fears and remorse came flooding through my lips.

“I was almost too late. I could have been too late.”

She stared at me for a long moment, and I watched as the memories returned. She winced, and her breathing accelerated. “I was so stupid, Edward. I thought he had my mom.”

“He tricked us all.”

Urgency had her brows pulling together. “I need to call Charlie and my mom.”

She's about to implode her own skull if she keeps pulling further.

quote:

“Alice called them.” She’d taken over for Carlisle, and now she chatted with Charlie several times a day. Like Renée, he was entirely bewitched. I knew Alice had been planning the post-wakeup call. She was excited it would happen today. “Renée is here—well, here in the hospital. She’s getting something to eat right now.”

Bella shifted her weight as if she was about to lurch out of bed. “She’s here?”

I caught her shoulder and held her in place. She blinked a few times, looking around herself, dizzy.

“She’ll be back soon,” I assured her. “And you need to stay still.”

This didn’t calm her the way I’d intended. Her eyes were panicked. “But what did you tell her? Why did you tell her I’m here?”

I smiled slightly. “You fell down two flights of stairs and through a window.”

Given the way both her parents had accepted our story—not just that it was possible, but that it was somehow to be expected—I felt justified in adding, “You have to admit, it could happen.”

"Yep, that's our Bella."

quote:

She sighed, but she seemed calmer now that she knew the alibi. She stared down at her sheet-covered body for a few seconds. “How bad am I?” she asked.

I listed off the larger injuries. “You have a broken leg, four broken ribs, some cracks in your skull, bruises covering every inch of your skin, and you’ve lost a lot of blood. They gave you a few transfusions. I didn’t like it—it made you smell all wrong for a while.”

For the record: fractured tibia, fibula, humerus, and shoulder. Plus all the abrasions and bruising.

quote:

She smiled, and then winced. “That must have been a nice change for you.”

“No, I like how you smell.”

She looked carefully into my eyes then, searching. After a long moment of this, she asked, “How did you do it?”

I didn’t know why this subject was so unpleasant. I had succeeded. I knew Emmett, Jasper, and Alice were awestruck by my accomplishment. But I couldn’t see it the same way. It had been too close. I remembered with such unbearable clarity how badly my body had wanted to stay in that bliss forever.

"Everybody was amazed at how I did something that should be impossible, but what if I was upset about it instead?"

quote:

I couldn’t meet her gaze any longer. I looked down at her hand, taking it carefully into mine. The wires spilled out on either side.

“I’m not sure,” I whispered.

She didn’t speak, and I could feel her eyes on me, waiting for a better answer. I sighed.

My words were barely louder than a breath. “It was impossible… to stop. Impossible. But I did.”

I tried to smile at her then, to meet her gaze. “I must love you.”

“Don’t I taste as good as I smell?” She grinned at her joke, then flinched, feeling the damage to her cheekbone.

I didn’t try to play along with her lighthearted tone. Obviously, she shouldn’t be smiling.

You smiled at her, she smiled, now it's her fault?

quote:

“Even better,” I answered honestly, if a little bitterly. “Better than I’d imagined.”

“I’m sorry.”

I rolled my eyes. “Of all the things to apologize for.”

She examined my expression, and seemed unsatisfied by what she found. “What should I apologize for?”

Nothing, I wanted to say, but I could see she was in an apologetic mood, so I gave her something to reflect on. “For very nearly taking yourself away from me forever.”

"For running away to sacrifice yourself without the entire family of vampires who took down James is a split second, forcing them to cause a multi-car interstate pileup to get to you."

quote:

She nodded absently, accepting that. “I’m sorry.”

I stroked the back of her hand, wondering if she could feel my touch through all the dressings. “I know why you did it. It was still irrational, of course. You should have waited for me, you should have told me.”

This made no sense to her. “You wouldn’t have let me go.”

“No,” I said through my teeth. “I wouldn’t.”

Good!

quote:

Her eyes were far away for a moment, and her heart sped. A shudder rocked through her, and then she hissed at the pain that caused.

“Bella, what’s wrong?”

She whimpered. “What happened to James?”

Well, I could set her at ease about this much. “After I pulled him off you, Emmett and Jasper took care of him.”

She frowned, winced, then smoothed her expression. “I didn’t see Emmett and Jasper there.”

“They had to leave the room… there was a lot of blood.” A river of it. For a second, it felt as though I were still stained with it.

“But you stayed,” she breathed.

“Yes, I stayed.”

“And Alice, and Carlisle…” Her voice was full of wonder.

I smiled just a little. “They love you, too, you know.”

I know, I can't believe it either.

quote:

Her expression was abruptly anxious again. “Did Alice see the tape?”

“Yes.”

It was a subject we were currently avoiding. I knew she was doing her own research, and she knew I wasn’t ready to discuss it with her yet.

“She was always in the dark,” Bella said urgently. “That’s why she didn’t remember.”

It was so very Bella that all her concern would be focused on someone else, even in this moment.

Not really.

quote:

“I know. She understands now.”

I wasn’t sure what my face was doing, but it concerned Bella. She tried to reach up, to touch my cheek, but stopped when the IV pulled at her hand.

“Ugh,” she groaned.

Had she dislodged the IV? Her motion hadn’t been that rough, but it wasn’t as if I could examine it closely.

“What is it?” I demanded.

“Needles,” she said. She was staring up at the ceiling now, concentrating as if there were something more riveting than basic acoustic tiles above her. She took a deep breath, and I was stunned to see some pale green edging her lips.

That fast?

quote:

“Afraid of a needle,” I grumbled. “Oh, a sadistic vampire, intent on torturing her to death, sure, no problem, she runs off to meet him. An IV, on the other hand…”

She rolled her eyes. The green was already fading.

Then her eyes cut to me and she asked in a troubled tone, “Why are you here?”

I’d thought… but that didn’t matter. “Do you want me to leave?”

Maybe what I needed to do would be easier than I’d thought. Pain stabbed through the general region of my obsolete heart.

That's really the phrase you used.

quote:

“No!” she protested; it was almost a shout. She deliberately moderated her volume back to a near whisper. “No, I meant, why does my mother think you’re here? I need to have my story straight before she gets back.”

“Oh.”

Of course it wouldn’t be that easy. So many times I’d thought she was done with me, but she never was.

We're slowly moving toward Edward being a bigger bastard than you thought.

quote:

“I came to Phoenix to talk some sense into you,” I explained, using the same sincere and guileless voice I used when I needed the nurses to believe that I was supposed to stay in this room. “To convince you to come back to Forks. You agreed to see me, and you drove out to the hotel where I was staying with Carlisle and Alice.” I opened my eyes wide, made them extra innocent. “Of course I was here with parental supervision.… But you tripped on the stairs on the way to my room and… well, you know the rest. You don’t need to remember any details, though; you have a good excuse to be a little muddled about the finer points.”

She considered this for a second. “There are a few flaws with that story. Like no broken windows.”

I couldn’t help grinning. “Not really. Alice had a little bit too much fun fabricating evidence. It’s all been taken care of very convincingly—you could probably sue the hotel if you wanted to.”

This idea obviously scandalized her.

I stroked her unbruised cheek softly. “You have nothing to worry about. Your only job now is to heal.”

And then her heart started racing. I looked for signs of pain, I thought through my words for something upsetting, but then I noticed the dilation of her pupils and realized. She was responding to my touch.

Finally using all those medical degrees.

quote:

Her eyes focused on the machine beeping out her heart’s excesses, and narrowed. “That’s going to be embarrassing.”

I laughed quietly at her expression. A light blush was coloring her good cheek.

“Hmm, I wonder.…”

I was already only inches from her face. Slowly, I erased that distance. Her heart raced faster. When I kissed her, my lips barely brushing against hers, that rhythm stuttered. Her heart literally skipped a beat.

Killing her instantly.

quote:

I jerked away from her, anxious until her heart resumed a healthy cadence.

“It seems that I’m going to have to be even more careful with you than usual.”

She frowned, winced, then said, “I was not finished kissing you. Don’t make me come over there.”

Frowning, wincing, etc.

quote:

I smiled at the threat, then gently kissed her again, quitting as soon as her heart started acting up. It was a very short kiss.

She looked about to complain, but this experiment had to be put on hold regardless.

I scooted my chair a foot from her bed. “I think I hear your mother.”
* # ? Jul 29, 2022 15:49
  • Quote
Lysistrata
Sep 12, 2003
Anyone who truly believes he has friends is a fool.
God it's worse than I remember

* # ? Jul 30, 2022 01:04
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HopperUK
Apr 29, 2007

Why would an ambulance be leaving the hospital?

Lysistrata posted:

God it's worse than I remember

Yeah seriously. I mean I knew the content was poo poo but somehow I'd forgotten the sheer ineptness of the prose.

* # ? Jul 30, 2022 01:07
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Midjack
Dec 24, 2007



 Welcome back!

* # ? Jul 30, 2022 01:16
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chitoryu12
Apr 24, 2014

HopperUK posted:

Yeah seriously. I mean I knew the content was poo poo but somehow I'd forgotten the sheer ineptness of the prose.

It gets somehow worse from here but fortunately this is the penultimate chapter. We're almost there.

* # ? Jul 30, 2022 14:28
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Bmac32
Nov 25, 2012

chitoryu12 posted:

It gets somehow worse from here but fortunately this is the penultimate chapter. We're almost there.

How much worse could it possibly get?

* # ? Jul 31, 2022 01:42
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sick of Applebees
Nov 7, 2008

Bmac32 posted:

Let's Read Twilight: How much worse could it possibly get?
* # ? Jul 31, 2022 13:57
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chitoryu12
Apr 24, 2014
https://twitter.com/BanksMistuh/status/1559345493183963136

* # ? Aug 16, 2022 19:09
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chitoryu12
Apr 24, 2014

* # ? Sep 24, 2022 17:45
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chitoryu12
Apr 24, 2014
Guess whose bones are stitched back together properly?

quote:

Renée was climbing the stairs now, on her way to get some quarters from her bag, worrying about the junk food she’d been consuming over the past few days. She wished she had time for a gym visit, but for now the stairs would have to do.

Bella’s face contorted. I assumed it was pain. I leaned close again, desperate for something to do.

It's our collective pain.

quote:

“Don’t leave me,” Bella said, a sob close to the surface of her voice. Her eyes were tight with fear.

I didn’t want to think about this reaction.

In my head, Alice’s vision tormented me. Bella, curled in on herself in agony, gasping for air.…

Mhmmmmm...

quote:

I gathered myself for a moment, then tried to answer casually. “I won’t. I’ll… take a nap.”

I grinned at her and then dashed to the turquoise easy chair and reclined it all the way back. After all, Renée had told me to use it whenever I needed a break. I closed my eyes.

“Don’t forget to breathe,” she whispered. I remembered her playing asleep for her father’s benefit, and fought a smile. I took an exaggerated breath.

Renée was walking by the nurses’ station now. “Any change?” she asked the nurse’s assistant on duty, a solid younger woman named Bea. It was clear from Renée’s absentminded tone that she expected a negative response. She kept walking.

“Actually, there’s been some fluctuation on her monitors. I was about to go in.”

Oh no, I shouldn’t have left.

You should have.

quote:

Renée was taking longer strides now, worried. “I’ll check on her and let you know.…”

The aide, rising out of her chair, sat back down again, bowing to Renée’s desires.

Bella twitched and the bed squeaked. It was obvious how much her mother’s distress upset her.

Renée opened the door quietly. Of course she wanted Bella to wake up, but it still felt rude to be noisy.

“Mom!” Bella whispered joyously.

I couldn’t see Renée’s expression while pretending to sleep, but her thoughts were overwhelmed. I heard her footsteps falter. And then she noticed my sleeping form.

“He never leaves, does he?” she mumbled quietly, and shouted mentally—I’d gotten used to the volume, though; it wasn’t as startling as it used to be. But she was a little appeased. She’d begun to wonder if I ever slept.

“Mom, I’m so glad to see you!” Bella enthused.

Renée was startled for a second by Bella’s bloodstained eyes. Her own started to well with tears at this fresh proof of Bella’s suffering.

I peeked through my lids to watch Renée gingerly embrace her daughter. The tears had overflowed onto Renée’s cheeks.

“Bella, I was so upset!”

“I’m sorry, Mom. But everything’s fine now, it’s okay.”

It is not!

quote:

It was uncomfortable to listen to Bella, in her condition, soothe her healthy mother, but I supposed this had always been their relationship. Perhaps the way Renée’s unique mind interacted with others had made her into a something of a narcissist. It would be hard to avoid, when everyone catered to your unspoken needs.

At least someone is admitting it!

quote:

“I’m just glad to finally see your eyes open.” Though she winced internally again at their gruesome condition.

There was a moment of silence, and then Bella asked doubtfully, “How long have they been closed?”

I realized this was something we’d not yet discussed.

“It’s Friday, hon,” Renée told her. “You’ve been out for a while.”

Bella was shocked. “Friday?”

“They had to keep you sedated for a while, honey—you’ve got a lot of injuries.”

“I know,” Bella agreed with emphasis. I wondered how much pain she was in now.

“You’re lucky Dr. Cullen was there. He’s such a nice man.… Very young, though. And he looks more like a model than a doctor.…”

“You met Carlisle?”

“And Edward’s sister Alice. She’s a lovely girl.”

“She is!”

Renée’s piercing thoughts turned to me again. “You didn’t tell me you had such good friends in Forks.”

Very, very good friends.

Suddenly, Bella moaned.

My eyes opened of their own accord. They didn’t give me away; Renée’s gaze was trained on Bella, too.

“What hurts?” she demanded.

“It’s fine,” Bella assured Renée, though I could tell the assurance was for me, too. Our eyes locked for a second before I closed mine again. “I just have to remember not to move.”

Renée fluttered uselessly over her daughter’s inert form. When Bella spoke again, her voice was bright. “Where’s Phil?”

Renée was totally distracted, which I thought was rather the point.

I haven’t told her the good news. Oh, she’ll be so happy.

“Florida—oh, Bella! You’ll never guess! Just when we were about to leave, the best news!”

“Phil got signed?” Bella asked. I could hear the smile in her voice, sure of the answer.

“Yes! How did you guess? The Suns, can you believe it?”

“That’s great, Mom,” Bella said, but there was a little blankness in her tone that told me she had no idea who the Suns were.

“And you’ll like Jacksonville so much.” Renée was nearly bursting with enthusiasm. Her thoughts shouted along with her words, and I was sure those thoughts would work on Bella the way they worked on everyone else. She began to gush about the weather, the ocean, the adorable yellow house with the white trim, never doubting that Bella would be just as thrilled as she was.

I knew every aspect of Renée’s plan for Bella’s future. Renée had mentally enthused about her happy news a hundred times while we waited for Bella to wake. In many ways, her plan was exactly the answer I’d been looking for.

As before, I'm going to start skipping chunks of this chapter because most of it is re-reading the same text from Twilight with minimal added detail.

quote:

“I know that, Mom,” Bella agreed easily. “Don’t worry about it. It’s just a crush.”

“That’s right,” Renée said.

Good. So she’s not getting all intense and Charlie-ish about this. Oh, is that the time? I’m late.

You took his kid because you got bored with small town life!

quote:

“Someone broke into that dance studio around the corner from the house and burned it to the ground—there’s nothing left at all! And they left a stolen car right out front. Do you remember when you used to dance there, honey?”

We weren’t the only ones who had stolen cars. The tracker’s had actually been parked around the south side of the dance studio. We hadn’t known to clean up his crimes as well as our own. And it was helpful to our alibis, as that car had been boosted a day before we’d arrived in Phoenix.

Somehow not a single person noticed anything the Cullens were doing with their car thefts.

quote:

“I remember,” Bella said with a quaver in her voice.

I had a difficult time holding my position. Renée, too, was moved.

“I can stay, baby, if you need me.”

“No, Mom, I’ll be fine. Edward will be with me.”

Of course he will. Oh well, I really have to do some laundry and I should probably clean out the fridge. That milk is months old.

Oh my God you useless woman.

Skipping past more repeat dialogue.

quote:

“Don’t leave me,” she begged, her voice breaking.

And this was why I was not strong enough by myself. How could I cause her more agony? She lay here now in taped-together pieces, struggling with pain, and her one plea was that I stay.

“I won’t,” I told her, while I mentally qualified my answer. Not until you’re whole again. Not until you’re ready. Not until I find the strength. “Now relax before I call the nurse back to sedate you.”

It was as though she could hear my mental caveats. Before—before the hunt and the horror—I’d promised her many times that I would stay. I’d always meant it, and she’d always believed. But now she saw through me. The rhythm of her heart wouldn’t settle.

I stroked my fingers along her whole cheek. “Bella, I’m not going anywhere. I’ll be right here as long as you need me.”

Yeah, starting to notice that Edward is already not interested in staying with her after this?

quote:

“Do you swear you won’t leave me?” she whispered. Her hand twitched toward her ribs. They must be aching.

She was too fragile for this now. I should have known, and waited. Even if Renée had just offered her the perfect option for a vampire-free life.

I took her face in my hands again, let the consuming love I felt for her fill my eyes, and lied with all the experience of a hundred years of daily deception.

“I swear.”

The tension in her limbs relaxed. Her eyes did not release mine, but after a few seconds her heart eased into its normal rhythm.

“Better?”

Her eyes were wary, her voice unsure when she answered. “Yes?”

She must have sensed that I was still holding something back.

I needed her to believe me, just long enough to let her safely heal. I couldn’t be responsible for complicating her recovery.

So I tried to act as I would if I were hiding nothing. As if I were exasperated by her agitated response. I made an annoyed face and muttered the words, “Overreacting just a little bit, don’t you think?”

I said them too fast; she probably couldn’t understand.

Mhm.

quote:

“Why did you say that?” she whispered, a tremor in her voice. “Are you tired of having to save me all the time? Do you want me to go away?”

I wanted to laugh for a hundred years at the idea of me tiring of her. Or cry for a thousand.

But the time would come, I was sure now, when I would have to convince her otherwise. So I tempered my response, made it lukewarm, moderate.

“No, I don’t want to be without you, Bella, of course not. Be rational. And I have no problem with saving you, either—if it weren’t for the fact that I was the one putting you in danger… that I’m the reason that you’re here.”

The truth had found its way into the end of my speech.

Bella scowled at me. “Yes, you are the reason—the reason I’m here alive.”

I couldn’t hold on to the lukewarm. I whispered to hide the pain. “Barely. Covered in gauze and plaster and hardly able to move.”

“I wasn’t referring to my most recent near-death experience,” she snapped at me. “I was thinking of the others—you can take your pick. If it weren’t for you, I would be rotting away in the Forks cemetery.”

I recoiled from the image, but then returned to my point, not letting her sidetrack my remorse.

“That’s not the worst part, though. Not seeing you there on the floor… crumpled and broken.” I fought to regain control over my voice. “Not thinking I was too late. Not even hearing you scream in pain—all those unbearable memories that I’ll carry with me for the rest of eternity. No, the very worst was feeling… knowing that I couldn’t stop. Believing that I was going to kill you myself.”

She frowned. “But you didn’t.”

“I could have. So easily.”

Again, her heart started to pound.

“Promise me,” she hissed.

“What?”

She was glaring at me now. “You know what.”

Bella had heard the direction of my words. She could hear me talking myself up to the strength I needed. I had to remember that she read my mind a thousand times better than I could read hers. I had to put my need to confess aside. The most important thing now was her recovery.

I tried to only say true things so she wouldn’t see through me as easily as before. “I don’t seem to be strong enough to stay away from you, so I suppose that you’ll get your way… whether it kills you or not.”

“Good.” But I could hear she was not convinced. “You told me how you stopped.… Now I want to know why.”

“Why?” I echoed blankly.

“Why you did it. Why didn’t you just let the venom spread? By now I would be just like you.”

I’d never explained this to her. I’d danced around her questions with such care. I knew that she hadn’t uncovered this truth in any internet research. I saw red for a moment, and in the center of that red, Alice’s face.

“I’ll be the first to admit that I have no experience with relationships.”

Obviously.

quote:

Bella’s words flowed quickly—worried about what she’d given away and trying to distract me. “But it just seems logical… a man and woman have to be somewhat equal… as in, one of them can’t always be swooping in and saving the other one. They have to save each other equally.”

There was truth to what she was saying, but she was missing the central point. I could never be her equal. There was no way back for me. And that was the only equality that left her unscathed.

I crossed my arms on the edge of her mattress and let my chin rest on them. It was time to calm the fervor of this discussion.

“You have saved me,” I told her calmly. This was true.

“I can’t always be Lois Lane,” she warned me. “I want to be Superman, too.”

I kept my voice soft, soothing, but I had to avert my eyes. “You don’t know what you’re asking.”

“I think I do.”

“Bella, you don’t know,” I murmured, my voice still gentle. “I’ve had almost ninety years to think about this, and I’m still not sure.”

“Do you wish that Carlisle hadn’t saved you?”

“No, I don’t wish that.” I never would have met her if he hadn’t. “But my life was over. I wasn’t giving anything up.” Except a soul.

“You are my life. You’re the only thing it would hurt me to lose.”

She was describing my side of our relationship exactly.

And what will you do when she begs? the memory of Rosalie whispered in my head.

“I can’t do it, Bella. I won’t do that to you.”

“Why not?” Her voice was rough, louder with anger. “Don’t tell me it’s too hard! After today, or I guess it was a few days ago… anyway, after that, it should be nothing.”

I struggled to hold on to my calm.

“And the pain?” I reminded her. I didn’t want to think about it. I hoped she didn’t want to, either.

Her face went white. It was hard to watch. She struggled with the memory for a long moment, and then her chin came up.

“That’s my problem. I can handle it.”

Nope, it takes the thought of staying alive for her mutant baby to keep her from succumbing and dying immediately.

The entire rest of this chapter is a repeat of the original, so we'll skip it and finish off the book with the epilogue.

* # ? Jan 4, 2023 16:58
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Mouzer
May 9, 2006
Feed the fish!

 Very happy your back in one piece!

* # ? Jan 4, 2023 18:20
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Lord Zedd-Repulsa
Jul 21, 2007

Devour a good book.


 Good to see you back fully!

* # ? Jan 4, 2023 19:02
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chitoryu12
Apr 24, 2014
And I'm very glad we only have one chapter left!

* # ? Jan 4, 2023 22:33
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macabresca
Jan 26, 2019

I WANNA HUG

chitoryu12 posted:

Guess whose bones are stitched back together properly?

Hurray to bones!

* # ? Jan 5, 2023 10:30
  • Quote
Hieronymous Alloy
Jan 30, 2009


Why! Why!! Why must you refuse to accept that Dr. Hieronymous Alloy's Genetically Enhanced Cream Corn Is Superior to the Leading Brand on the Market!?!




Morbid Hound
Unfortunately I have to share some sad news.



I don't know the details but apparently it was due to long-term complications from a traffic accident.

edit:

I'm actually more upset by this than I thought I'd be. I know I didn't post much in these threads of his but I always read them, I just never had much to add because he covered everything in such depth. One of the last great effort-posters. Every time I saw him start a new thread I'd make a mental note to goldmine it in a few years when he'd finished it.

Hieronymous Alloy fucked around with this message at 13:49 on Feb 10, 2023

* # ? Feb 10, 2023 13:01
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ADBOT LOVES YOU

# ? Apr 18, 2024 12:46
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Lysistrata
Sep 12, 2003
Anyone who truly believes he has friends is a fool.
Oh my god, that's awful! I know it doesn't mean much, but I wish his family and friends healing and good memories.

* # ? Feb 10, 2023 13:09
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