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I know it's a triviality but what's this idea that humans can't smell blood? What? Also Edward is only from 1917. He talks like he's from a completely alien culture.
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Sep 16, 2020 11:42
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HopperUK posted:I know it's a triviality but what's this idea that humans can't smell blood? What? Imagine a setting where vampires really were so stuck in who they were when they were born that they still use the same patterns of speech as when they were transformed. Carlisle is locked into 17th century English and Emmett, Alice, and Rosalie are constantly using archaic slang.
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Sep 16, 2020 13:34
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chitoryu12 posted:So I was intrigued and decided to see if there was any public info on her hobbies. I'd downright feel sorry for her at this point if she hadn't done so much damage to young women with these books.
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Sep 16, 2020 14:19
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chitoryu12 posted:Imagine a setting where vampires really were so stuck in who they were when they were born that they still use the same patterns of speech as when they were transformed. Carlisle is locked into 17th century English and Emmett, Alice, and Rosalie are constantly using archaic slang. 100% would read, this would be so much funnier.
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Sep 16, 2020 21:15
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Chapter 7: Melodyquote:I had to wait when I got back to school. The final hour wasn't out yet. That was good, because I had things to think about and I needed the alone time. Unless you're a Mormon! One of the issues that ex-Mormons have described with their beliefs regarding love and romance is that the focus on finding your eternal soulmate, pre-destined before you were born, can cause confusion among youths between lust and love. They find themselves extremely attracted to someone, mutually decide they're soulmates, and get married and sealed to be together for eternity. There are weird aspects to it (like they'll perform sealing ceremonies for the deceased), but it also leads to people who aren't actually suited for marriage being indoctrinated into believing that it's for life and beyond with their true partner. Divorce is heavily stigmatized and viewed with such fear that women especially will often be compelled to remain in a collapsing or abusive relationship. The church teaching is basically "If you don't love each other, it's because you're doing it wrong and need to pray more and try harder." This is another reason why Edward and Bella's relationship is viewed as so fraudulent by many readers. Because it's inherently based in Meyer's ideology, their romance is empty and devoid of real feeling. They're both simply In Love as soon as they see each other, but have no real relationship to speak of. They're just destined to be together forever and don't actually need to have much in common or do anything to show how they love one another. It says a lot that when Jacob starts actually having a true relationship with Bella in New Moon that makes him seem more valid than Edward, he has to suddenly have his personality destroyed to turn him into a rage-filled sexual abuser so he no longer looks like Bella's real true love. quote:I had no idea if Bella was attracted to me. (Would her mental silence somehow continue to get more and more frustrating until I went mad? Or was there a limit that I would eventually reach?) First we had Jacob running wild-eyed through a park trying to force himself to get horny for underage girls. Now we have Edward hyperventilating in the parking lot over how horny he is. quote:But then I flinched away from the daydream, knowing, as I had known when Jessica had imagined these things, what would happen if I got that close to her. A teenage girl to a permanent manchild a century old? quote:That was the wrong question. The right question was should I want Bella to be attracted to me that way, and the answer was no. Because I was not a human man, and that wasn’t fair to her. I think Rogue from the X-Men has some advice on this. quote:I hung my head in my hands. And there is some incredibly brief backstory for Edward! Canonically, Edward was turned in September 1918. At that point, the Meuse–Argonne Offensive (the largest and bloodiest operation in the entire war) was either underway or about to begin, but my research on the war found that Edward would have gone through 16 weeks of basic training first. This would have landed him in the army well after the armistice ended the war. Ironically, the Spanish Flu ravaged the military so badly that it's quite likely Edward would have died from it anyway! quote:This was entirely new to me. I had no parallels to draw, no comparisons to make. Their layer of Party City glitter... quote:I jumped when the passenger door opened. The concept of Edward doing good things is so alien that Emmett is confused by it. quote:That confused him more, but then he inhaled and caught the scent in the car. Thank you! quote:“Tell me about it,” I mumbled. Her real problem is "Stephenie Meyer hates her." quote:I didn’t like Jasper’s reaction, either. Like Emmett, he noticed Bella’s appeal. Not that the scent had, for either of them, a thousandth portion of the draw it had for me, but it still upset me that her blood was sweet to them. Jasper had poor control. So...why did Edward have to pick the keys from her pocket when he told her that Alice would bring her truck back? Did they both just forget about that until the last second and he grabbed them? quote:I followed her to Bella’s house. The rain was pounding down like a million tiny hammers, so loud that Bella’s human ears might not hear the thunder of the truck’s engine. I watched her window, but she didn’t come to look out. Maybe she wasn’t there. There were no thoughts to hear. I had mentioned during the first book how implausible it was that Alice managed to sneak Bella's incredibly loud truck back without her noticing. And there's the answer: it somehow rained louder than the engine! quote:It made me sad that I couldn’t hear enough of her thoughts even to check on her—to make sure she was happy, or safe, at the very least. This is why it's always so frustrating when the vampires are so loving stupid: Emmett and Jasper are supposed to be some of the greatest geniuses in the world! quote:Alice went to her computer just around the corner from them and I could hear her monitors sing to life. She was working on a fashion design project for Rosalie’s wardrobe, but Rosalie did not join her today, to stand behind her and direct cut and color as Alice’s hand traced over the touch-sensitive screens. Instead, today Rosalie sprawled sullenly on the sofa and started flipping through twenty channels a second on the flat screen, never pausing. I could hear her trying to decide whether or not to go out to the garage and tune her BMW again. Because Rosalie wasn't cool enough already, she's also a pro mechanic and fashion enthusiast! Note the comment about touch-sensitive screens. As common as these are today, this is 2005. Even in 2008 when this passage was originally written, a touchscreen monitor was a rarity and one with the ability for multi-touch contact would likely be a one-off custom job (they didn't become mainstream before the iPhone in 2007). The original draft also had a note that Carlisle and Edward had tweaked the system because most touchscreens responded to temperature. This has been removed in the published version likely because someone informed Meyer that she was dead wrong: almost all touchscreens at that time were resistive, requiring the user to press their finger or a stylus against the outside of the screen to get it to touch the bottom layer. This would work without issue with a vampire (or any object touching the screen), but is imprecise and generally can't handle multi-touch capability. Modern touchscreens since the iPhone instead generally use capacitance, relying on the natural ability of skin to conduct electricity to let the screen detect exactly what's being touched with incredible precision. This would get into questions about whether a vampires diamond-like skin can conduct electricity! quote:Esme was upstairs, humming over a set of blueprints. She was always designing something new. Perhaps she would build this one for our next home, or the one after that. Yes, every vampire is cooler than Edward. Even Esme. quote:Alice leaned her head around the wall after a moment and started mouthing Emmett’s next moves—Emmett sat on the floor with his back to her—to Jasper, who kept his expression very smooth as he cut off Emmett’s favorite knight. This is about the extent of musical knowledge Meyer learned after the first book. quote:Edward is composing again? Rosalie thought, and her teeth clenched together in fierce resentment. gently caress Stephenie Meyer, and I will tell you why. We've already seen Rosalie's reasons why she's upset about Edward and Bella's romance in Eclipse: she hates that Bella is throwing away everything she could have had, had her fiancee not decided to rape and murder her instead. She sees Bella as the immature, impulsive teenager that she is and doesn't consider vampirism something to aspire to. As far as she's concerned, Bella is incredibly selfish and has no clue what she's sacrificing in the name of a youthful romance. And she's absolutely right in my book. Later on, Midnight Sun will give Rosalie and Edward a scene that reinforces this. It's probably the best scene Rosalie gets in the entire series, and one that a more competent writer would make the core of her character. It gives her complexity as a tragic, flawed, but ultimately not evil or spiteful figure. She has the capability to be a rounded and compelling character, even moreso than the protagonists of the series. And despite knowing all of this when she wrote it, Stephenie Meyer still had to include the note that Rosalie is so vain, so jealous that the pretty boy Edward didn't like her (despite having gotten a perfectly loving relationship of her own), that she's willing to murder an innocent teenage girl out of spite. Meyer is so hardcore about making Rosalie the face of all the hot blondes she felt inferior to growing up, so determined to hate her and make the audience hate her, that she throws in a completely unnecessary scene of Rosalie being an evil bitch to remind you that you're supposed to cheer when Jacob throws a bowl at her head or Bella gets what she wants against Rosalie's wishes. quote:The music came to an abrupt halt, and I laughed before I could help myself, a sharp bark of amusement that broke off quickly as I threw my hand over my mouth. gently caress this guy and gently caress this author. quote:“What’s wrong, Rose?” Emmett called after her. Rosalie didn’t turn. Back ramrod straight, she continued to the garage and then squirmed under her car as if she could bury herself there. That's because you can't just write a complex song in one go without edits! quote:“It’s charming. Does it have a name?” Esme asked. "Me sitting in the corner, staring at her without blinking the entire night." quote:Alice left Jasper to his own skill and came to sit next to me on the bench. In her trilling, wind-chime voice, she sketched out a wordless descant two octaves above the melody. This is one of those scenes that really needs to be in a better book. quote:Esme stroked my hair. It’s going to be fine, Edward. This is going to work out for the best. You deserve happiness, my son. Fate owes you that. Friendly reminder that biologically, Esme is only 9 years older than Edward. quote:“Thank you,” I whispered, wishing I could believe it. And that my happiness was the one that mattered. And few have been so wrong! quote:Esme was still full of joy that my heart had finally been touched after all this time, no matter the potential for tragedy. She’d thought I would always be alone. "Also it's really weird that we're doing this when we're almost the same age!" quote:Alice laughed and picked out the top hand of “Heart and Soul.” I grinned and completed the simple harmony with her. Then I favored her with a performance of “Chopsticks.” Since loving when? quote:“But I want to know.” There's somehow an entirely different Cullen family we could have seen instead of the poo poo Meyer gives us. quote:“Thank you, dear.” She squeezed my shoulder again. This is part of the original draft, completely unchanged except a few words (it used to be "shrewd female intuition" because Meyer has internalized misogyny), and still the most spiteful toward Rosalie. I know that normally I would be changing my opinion on a character after finding out terrible things about them (like Emmett eagerly encouraging Edward to eat Bella, which is also an unchanged part of the original), but it's so blatant what Meyer is doing here. Even with Rosalie being given a complete 180 in Eclipse, she has to remain a hate sink for the audience because she's the bitchy blonde girl that Bella needs to one-up and turn to her side by being too perfect to deny. It's offensive that Meyer got a chance to fix everything she did with Rosalie's character and simply returned her to the shallow, self-centered bitch she originally wanted her to be. It only makes it clear what all of these characters are meant to be: things for her self-insert to use to glorify herself. quote:It bothered me some, though, the way she saw Bella. Rosalie actually thought the girl plain. How could she believe that? It seemed incomprehensible to me. A product of the jealousy, no doubt. See what I mean? Bella is simultaneously plain and perfect. Meyer claimed to make Bella a cipher without much personality because she's a way for any girl to insert herself into the book, but this is how Meyer described herself at the age Bella is, to the point of her exact features being similar. Bella has to be the plain quiet girl and only Edward truly understands her beauty, but anyone who's not a villain is falling over themselves to talk about how great she is and kids who are meant to be bad (like Jessica and Mike) are still obsessed with having her around. Because Rosalie doesn't get how perfect Bella is, she's vilified. quote:“Oh!” Alice said abruptly. “Jasper, guess what?” Remember in Breaking Dawn how the Cullens were handing out their cars to let all the visitors go kill people in neighboring towns? Turns out they could have just not done that! quote:“When?” I demanded. Does that count as another title drop? quote:“Okay, fine. Let me say goodbye to Rose first.”
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Sep 17, 2020 14:03
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chitoryu12 posted:Chapter 7: Melody He's also been a vampire longer than she has - Carlisle turned him years before Esme. Its bizarre that they insist on traditional family roles in their coven....until you remember the Mormonism. I like to imagine the 8 chessboards in a single long row, with Emmett and Jasper just marching pawns step by step towards each other. chitoryu12 posted:Chapter 7: Melody 
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Sep 17, 2020 15:41
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i choose to believe that Edward is lying about their entire background out of jealousy that Rosalie rejected him instead.
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Sep 17, 2020 20:09
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Are we meant to believe Edward *heard* Esme tilting her head?
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Sep 17, 2020 23:36
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HopperUK posted:Are we meant to believe Edward *heard* Esme tilting her head? It looks like his telepathy is not only hearing thoughts, but being able to see through other people's eyes. Mervin of Das Sporking tried doing her own version of Midnight Sun that tried to present Edward's entire backstory, starting back in the 1930s, and presenting him as truly tragic and flawed. Unfortunately I didn't get past the second chapter because it overemphasized Edward being a permanent 17-year-old by having him turn into a crazy chronic masturbator because he's able to see and experience every single person having sex and their sexual thoughts around him at all times, including experiencing Esme and Carlisle's loving from both points of view when he's in the house so he knows what it's like to gently caress his mother and be hosed by his father. Just because you can critique a book doesn't mean you can write something good.
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Sep 18, 2020 01:41
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chitoryu12 posted:It looks like his telepathy is not only hearing thoughts, but being able to see through other people's eyes. That still doesn't explain being able to tell with telepathy that she's smiling.
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Sep 18, 2020 04:11
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quote:“Hasn’t anyone ever told you not to play with your food?” I called to Emmett. BEAR FIGHT quote:But Emmett was almost done. He let the bear try to take his head off with another swipe of the paw, laughing as the blow bounced off and sent the beast staggering back. The bear roared and Emmett roared again through his laughter. Then he launched himself at the animal, which stood a head taller than him on its hind legs, and their bodies fell to the ground tangled up together, taking a mature spruce tree down with them. The bear’s growls cut off with a gurgle. This is loving amazing. Emmett is so loving cool now. quote:“That was a strong one. I could almost feel it when he clawed me.” "I just sit in a teenage girl's room, staring at her and shivering at my impure thoughts." quote:Emmett laughed his booming laugh. “I wish they were stronger. It would be more fun.” The joke early in the thread about Emmett and Alice starting a parking lot fight club in a Walmart is barely an exaggeration. quote:“Life is hard all around, isn’t it?” Also a sign of love: extreme possessiveness to the point of fanaticism and violence! quote:“Touchy, touchy.” Seriously Meyer, you can't just tell us what a character's personality trait is and expect us to believe it. Emmett is way nicer and more sensitive than Edward! Remember all his time early on trying to help Edward control himself when he first encountered Bella? Edward has been nothing but a jerk to everyone for this entire book and even his "Oh my God he's back to being a sweet boy!" moment with his family in this chapter is ruined by him getting to be smug about making Rosalie mad. But we're supposed to think Emmett is just an impulsive meathead and Edward has a heart of gold, so Meyer's answer is to just tell us what we're supposed to believe. quote:He waited for me to laugh at his joke, and then made a face. "Now I can seek revenge!" quote:“Bears,” I muttered, adding a new fear to the already large pile. “That would be just her luck, wouldn’t it? Stray bear in town. Of course it would head straight for Bella.” All of these one-on-one scenes Midnight Sun added to flesh out the Cullens really help showcase how much better they are. quote:“Just imagine for one minute that Rosalie was human, Emmett. And she could run into a bear… or get hit by a car… or lightning… or fall down stairs… or get sick—get a disease!” The words burst from me stormily. It was a relief to let them out—they’d been festering inside me all weekend. “Fires and earthquakes and tornadoes! Ugh! When’s the last time you watched the news? Have you seen the kinds of things that happen to them? Burglaries and homicides…” My teeth clenched together, and I was abruptly so infuriated by the idea of another human hurting her that I couldn’t breathe. Good thing you don't need to breathe, then? quote:“Whoa, whoa! Hold up, there, kid. She lives in Forks, remember? So she gets rained on.” He shrugged. Let's be real, vampires are way more common in this setting than you would think! quote:“Except that you have more self-control than just about anyone but Carlisle. Good luck again.” Even the characters can't explain the physics behind that scene! quote:“But you were there. That was good luck.” Same. quote:“Well, I can’t really see Rosalie’s allure, either,” I said rudely. “Honestly, she seems like more work than any pretty face is worth.” Did he shove downward? What the gently caress is going on with the physics in Forks? quote:I waited for him to try another time, but his thoughts took a different direction. He was picturing Bella’s face again, but imagining it whiter, imagining her eyes bright red. Oh just you wait! quote:“I didn’t mind so much,” he reminded me. I'm calling bullshit on this one. Remember that great Rosalie scene I mentioned that's coming up? From the new text? That scene directly states the opposite. Rosalie would give anything to be human again, but can't stand the thought of having not met Emmett if things turned out differently. Meyer's editing is so sloppy that she's contradicting herself in the name of making GBS threads on Rosalie. quote:“Yeah, Rose did,” he acquiesced quietly. The girl that you've talked to a handful of times, almost always negatively. quote:But you won’t change her? She won’t last forever, Edward. Unlike you, who is the most offensive person in the family. quote:Can you even touch her? I mean, if you love her… wouldn’t you want to, well, touch her? Meyer writes about sex like a 13-year-old virgin afraid to say the word. quote:I sighed. “I can’t even think of that, Emmett.” Maybe you should reconsider having friends who are prone to eating people? quote:Emmett noticed the change in my expression. What are you thinking about? She's probably already set up a gasoline trap on the path to the house for him. quote:“I’ll try to stay,” I said doubtfully. What does it say about your plot when the guy who's supposed to be an insensitive meathead jock is one of the most sane and normal ones in the family? quote:“Peter and Charlotte know how to behave themselves.” Another telling deletion: the original manuscript had Edward specifically point out that Peter has so little self-control that he's notorious for it. Not exactly the kind of guy we should be rooting for as a good guy! quote:Bella was sleeping peacefully when I climbed up to her bedroom window early Monday morning. I’d brought oil to grease the mechanism—entirely surrendering to that particular devil—and the window now moved silently out of my way. Yes, this motherfucker just brought WD-40 to help in his stalking. quote:I could tell by the way her hair lay smooth across the pillow that she’d had a less restless night than the last time I was here. She had her hands folded under her cheek like a small child, and her mouth was slightly open. I could hear her breath moving slowly in and out between her lips. This is not getting better! quote:It was an amazing relief to be here, to be able to see her again. I realized that I wasn’t truly at ease unless that was the case. Nothing was right when I was away from her. Oh God this is worse than I imagined. quote:That was exactly the kind of mistake I had to avoid. I had to go back to the first book to figure out where we were in the timeline because there's some unstated time skips. All of Bella going to La Push for the first time, falling asleep with Linkin Park screaming in her ears fully dressed with the lights on, and then spending the weekend researching vampires and wandering around the forest to contemplate the plot took place during Edward's piano playing and hunting with Emmett. quote:I laughed silently and wryly at how much that upset me. So what if she had? I didn’t own her. She wasn’t mine. Nice of you to find out after growling and hissing and fantasizing about murdering anyone else who looks at her! quote:No, she wasn’t mine—and I was sad again. This is one of the worst lines in the series. quote:“Mom,” she murmured quietly. “No… let me. Please…” Also, shouldn't he be smelling her blood more now if there's fresh scrapes? quote:She pleaded with her mother a few more times, mumbled something about the sun, then slipped into a quieter sleep and did not move again. Right, you're such great friends! The day that you decided to try it and Bella accepted only because of her own obsession, you capped the day off by physically abusing her and having her leave insulted in a huff! quote:I smiled gently as I wondered whether she had fallen in the ocean. I wondered if she’d had a pleasant time on the outing. I wondered if she’d thought about me at all. If she’d missed me even the tiniest portion of the amount that I’d missed her. Oh she was just stressing over finding out you were probably a vampire. No big deal. quote:I tried to picture her in the sun on the beach. The picture was incomplete, though, because I’d never been to First Beach myself. I only knew how it looked from pictures. Is there any possibility that some kid who's heard about the legends would tell Bella all the exposition she needs while laughing about how it's totally fake? Nah. quote:I was angry with the sun when it began to rise. It reminded me that I could not satisfy my curiosity for days to come. Why did it choose to shine now? Why would you be worried? You just saw her in bed. quote:The trail she’d left stopped abruptly, in the middle of nowhere in particular. She’d gone just a few steps off the path, into the ferns, where she’d touched the trunk of a fallen tree. Perhaps sat there… There's no reason for him to be so obsessed with this mystery unless Bella is so obviously not into anything but sitting quietly and reading that the thought of her trying to take a walk through the forest is bizarre. quote:So, Bella, I was following your scent through the woods after I left your room—just some minor breaking and entering, no need for worry, I was… exterminating spiders.… Yes, that would be quite the icebreaker. I really wish he said this now. quote:I would never know what she’d been thinking and doing here, and that had my teeth grinding in frustration. Worse, this was far too much like the scenario I’d imagined for Emmett—Bella wandering alone in the woods, where her scent would call to anyone who had the senses to track it. chitoryu12 fucked around with this message at 18:36 on Sep 18, 2020 |
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Sep 18, 2020 18:23
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Chapter 8: Ghostquote:I did not see much of Jasper's guests for the sunny two days that they were in Forks. I only went home at all so that Esme wouldn’t worry. Otherwise, my existence seemed like that of a specter rather than a vampire. I hovered, invisible in the shadows, where I could follow the object of my love and obsession—where I could see her and hear her in the minds of the lucky humans who could walk through the sunlight beside her, sometimes accidentally brushing the back of her hand with their own. She never reacted to such contact; their hands were just as warm as hers. The Stalking Chapter! quote:The enforced absence from school had never been a trial like this before. But the sun seemed to make her happy, so I could not resent it too much. Yeah, only because he doesn't know you barely keep yourself from killing him over it! quote:Bella got to school quite early and, seeming intent on enjoying the sun while it lasted, sat at one of the seldom-used picnic benches while she waited for the first bell to ring. Her hair caught the sun in unexpected ways, giving off a reddish shine that I had not anticipated. I'm sure the author did.  quote:Mike found her there, doodling again, and was thrilled at his good luck. The reason Edward reads Shakespeare so much is presumably because he thinks he's a Shakespearean character and has to spend all of his time monologuing to himself in the shadows while watching people. quote:She greeted him with enough enthusiasm to make him ecstatic, and me the opposite. Notice how Edward gets to jump to similar conclusions about Bella and their "friendship" when their interactions are almost all creepy or antagonistic, but Mike conveniently tells the reader that he's an idiot misinterpreting her signals so you can hate him! quote:He perceived the change in her hair. “I never noticed before—your hair has red in it.” This boy is living in a cringe comedy and doesn't know it. quote:“Only in the sun,” she said. To my deep satisfaction, she cringed away from him slightly when he tucked the strand behind her ear. Edward, please calm down. You're scaring the squirrels. quote:“I was going to ask if you wanted to go out.” Okay, why the gently caress are we supposed to like this guy? Seriously. How loving deranged is Stephenie Meyer that she thinks this is a normal thing for people to do when they're madly in love? Because there's a really big loving difference between one of us envisioning throwing someone through a wall or tearing them limb from limb, and Edward doing it. He's not only capable of it, he almost did in the first chapter! It's not an idle fantasy. It's the mind of a psychopath. This is basically a school shooter romance where the male has declared the female his property and wants to do bodily harm to anyone else for even looking at her. quote:Would she say yes to him? Re-read Twilight and realize that during the latter half of chapter 7, Edward was just watching Bella from afar, scaring animals and destroying trees. quote:“But I think that would hurt Jessica’s feelings.” Because normal, everyday thoughts are coherent and not just snippets of songs and words cycling through people's heads? quote:“Really, Mike, are you blind?” This bizarre rhapsodizing about Bella's unselfishness is another tumor left from the original draft, where Bella was never shown doing anything except what we saw in the pages of the original book and Meyer apparently decided the best way to get her meaning across was to have Edward get totally fixated on this detail and bring it up all the time. quote:Jessica. Huh. Wow. Huh. “Oh,” he managed to say. Is worth yours in her bush? quote:He was off then, on to new fantasies that were just as vulgar as the ones about Bella, but now they only irritated rather than infuriated. How little he deserved either girl; they were almost interchangeable to him. I stayed clear of his head after that. Interchangeable, like almost the entire cast of the latter third of Breaking Dawn? quote:When Bella was out of sight, I curled up against the cool trunk of an enormous madrone tree and danced from mind to mind, keeping her in view, always glad when Angela Weber was available to look through. I wished there were some way to thank the Weber girl for simply being a nice person. It made me feel better to think that Bella had one friend worth having. Normal things good people do: plan out surveillance operations on their crushes. quote:So I went straight to her home instead, doing a quick sweep of the woods to make sure no one dangerous had wandered too close. I knew Jasper had warned his one-time brother to avoid the town—citing my insanity as both explanation and danger—but I wasn’t taking any chances. Peter and Charlotte had no intention of causing animosity with my family, but intentions were changeable things. Thank you, Jasper. quote:As if she was aware I was watching, as if she took pity on the agony I felt when I couldn’t see her, Bella came out to the backyard after a long hour indoors. She had a book in her hand and a blanket under her arm. Unfortunately, she lacks both. quote:I tasted the way the sunshine and open air affected her scent. The heat seemed to sweeten the smell. My throat flamed with desire, the pain fresh and fierce again because I had been away from her for so long. I spent a moment controlling that, forcing myself to breathe through my nose. Isn't it great going back to the original chapter 7 and reading it with the knowledge that Edward is literally hanging over her head the whole time acting like a Mormon repressing his boner? quote:She read quickly, crossing and recrossing her ankles in the air. I knew the book, so I did not read along with her. Instead, I was watching the sunlight and wind playing in her hair when her body suddenly stiffened, and her hand froze on the page. She’d reached the last page of chapter two. The page began midsentence: “perhaps, in spite of every consideration of politeness or maternal affection on the side of the former, the two ladies might have found it impossible to have lived together so long—” Romeo watching Juliet on the balcony, he is not. quote:She lay very still now, moving just once to yank her hair away from her face. It fanned out over her head, a river of chestnut. And then she was motionless again. In a very rare instance, there's actually most of a page that Meyer cut from her original draft! There's a brief interlude where Edward spies on the thoughts of random neighbors. It added basically nothing to the book. quote:She made a very serene picture, there in the sunlight. Whatever peace had evaded her before seemed to find her now. Her breathing slowed. After several long minutes her lips began to tremble. Mumbling in her sleep. "I'm on someone else's property stalking her, so technically it's legal!" quote:Even now, part of me wanted to trespass. To jump to the ground, landing silently on my toes, and ease into her circle of sunshine. Just to be closer to her. To hear her murmured words as though she was whispering them to me. Yes, that's what Edward considers the most monstrous and grotesque aspect of him: sparkling. Not the stalking, physical abuse, or fantasies of murdering children. Sparkling. This is also a case where she made a major edit, lengthening the paragraph of him agonizing over sparkling. The original was somehow even more embarrassing, specifically calling out the "rainbow sparkles" as inciting terror. quote:“Mmm…,” she moaned. Another change, for both clarity and making Edward slightly less of a creep: in the original, he didn't read over her shoulder and see what she was reacting to. Instead he casually stole the book from her to flip through. quote:I did not fear that she had woken. Her voice was just a low, wistful murmur. And that's where the book ends! Goodnight, everybody! quote:She said nothing more that was intelligible. The afternoon passed and I watched, feeling helpless again, as the sun slowly sank in the sky and the shadows crawled across the lawn toward her. I wanted to push them back, but of course the darkness was inevitable; the shadows took her. When the light was gone, her skin looked too pale—ghostly. Her hair was dark again, almost black against her face. Get a hobby. quote:I was relieved when her father arrived home. Oh, you'll find out! quote:Bella started awake, jerking up to a sitting position when the tires of her father’s car hit the brick driveway. She stared around herself, seeming confused by the unexpected darkness. For one brief moment, her eyes touched the shadows where I hid, but then flickered quickly away. When in fact Edward is hanging like a spider monkey directly above her. quote:I moved into a tree closer to the back window near the small kitchen, and listened to their evening. It was interesting to compare Charlie’s words to his muffled thoughts. His love and concern for his only child were nearly overwhelming, and yet his words were always terse and casual. Most of the time, they sat in companionable silence. This ties back in to how awful the Cullens were in Breaking Dawn with their guests. Despite knowing that vampires don't have to drink human blood or feed very often, and knowing the tendency of them to gorge on as many humans as possible (the backstory of people like Garrett and Carlisle has the vampires simply eating as many people as possible in a frenzy), the most concession they'll ever go for with a "friend" is to simply not hunt in Forks. A town only an hour or two away? Go hog wild! They don't give a poo poo! quote:I heard her worry aloud about leaving her father to prepare dinner alone, and smiled at this proof to my theory—yes, she was the caretaker here, too. This is probably the absolute nadir of Edward's justifications. "I know it's wrong to stalk her and break into her room, but Mike Newton would be so much worse if he was doing it!" You know what the problem is, Edward? Mike Newton isn't doing it! quote:My house was empty when I returned, which was fine by me. I didn’t miss the confused or disparaging thoughts, questioning my sanity. Emmett had left a note stuck to the newel post. Emmett is such a bro. quote:I found a pen and scrawled the word sorry beneath his plea. The teams were even without me, in any case. Oh yeah, I also hope you weren't looking for too much new Twilight content for the first third of the book. The remainder, written after the incomplete first draft, has much more of that. This chapter is literally just chapter 7 of the original book with Edward staring at Bella the entire time. quote:She wore a deep blue blouse today, and the color set her skin off perfectly, making it look like fresh cream. "You humans and your laws. Did you not know that I, the great vampire, am above all?" quote:Everyone was gathered in the bright great room. Peter and Charlotte both noticed my abstraction as I belatedly welcomed them, apologizing halfheartedly for my absence, kissing her cheek and shaking his hand. I was unable to concentrate enough to join the group conversation. As soon I as could politely extricate myself, I drifted to the piano and began playing quietly. Even the new vampires can't help but bully Edward! This is another example of Meyer trying to make Edward behave more humanly and less of an rear end in a top hat: in the original draft, he didn't even bother coming in for a greeting and small talk. He just gave a nod and marched straight to the piano. quote:Peter’s thoughts were in sync with hers, as was usually the case. Hm. That's odd. What did Peter and Charlotte look like in Breaking Dawn?   While the draft of Midnight Sun existed with Peter and Charlotte's descriptions at the time of filming, Breaking Dawn had none. They were generic, interchangeable characters like all of the vampires who didn't have specific ethnicities that could easily stereotype them. Outside of the film continuity, this is the first time we really see them. And of course, they're creepily identical. But this creates another problem. Peter was part of the vampires changed by Maria for her army...in Mexico. Jasper was the odd man out by being a Texan caught at the border, but there's no indication that Peter was anything else. But of course, Meyer can't have any ethnics in her book that aren't just stereotypes, and didn't you know becoming a vampire makes you a white person anyway? So Peter and Charlotte are basically Aryan ideals. The note about Peter thinking the lack of human blood drives vampires mad is also something that would be perfect....in another book. Throughout all of the previous books, it was a complete mystery why it was so hard for vampires to switch to animal blood. It didn't seem particularly disgusting or do anything but make you slightly less powerful than people eaters, so you'd think more vampires would maintain their morality enough to not be murderous. Peter here is actually giving a great excuse: they think that subsisting on animals will drive you insane over the years. This would have given all of the other vamps (especially the Volturi) plenty of motivation to legitimately stick with killing humans, believing that it really was the only way they could truly survive, but that would have just made it too hard for the Cullens to be the perfect sparkling Mormons that are hated only by the most evil and callous of vampires. quote:Why even bother coming home? Rosalie sneered. No concern about Bella, huh? quote:Have fun in Port Angeles tonight, Alice thought cheerfully. Let me know when I’m allowed to talk to Bella. Thank you, Emmett! quote:Everyone but Esme stopped thinking about me after a moment, and I kept my playing subdued so that I would not attract notice. This is a major mistake that Meyer left in. I actually got a copy of the Illustrated Guide to check. Canonically, Peter was turned between the 1860s and 1920s and it's estimated to be 1938 when he returned to tell Jasper to flee Maria and live up north. It was only 1948 when Jasper met Alice, in a diner in Philadelphia where her future vision told her to meet him. Also, I really want to read whatever happened in Calgary more than I want to read this. quote:“I don’t imagine we’ll cross paths soon,” Peter said with a laugh—Maria was undeniably dangerous and there was not much love lost between her and Peter. Peter had, after all, been instrumental in Jasper’s defection. Jasper had always been Maria’s favorite; she considered it a minor detail that she had once planned to kill him. “But, should it happen, I certainly will.” Oh, like Meyer writes? quote:“Charlotte, Peter,” I said, nodding. Rosalie and Emmett are the true perfect couple of this series. quote:Poor boy. Esme.
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Sep 21, 2020 21:27
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chitoryu12 posted:It looks like his telepathy is not only hearing thoughts, but being able to see through other people's eyes. You know I was gonna point out that Edward couldn't have choked his granite chicken or he would have lost the semen that impregnated Bella but then I remembered the brazilian dude vampire who knocked up a ton of native women to see what would happen didn't have to save his jizz up from when he was alive so I guess this could be feasible.
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Sep 22, 2020 02:32
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Victorkm posted:You know I was gonna point out that Edward couldn't have choked his granite chicken or he would have lost the semen that impregnated Bella but then I remembered the brazilian dude vampire who knocked up a ton of native women to see what would happen didn't have to save his jizz up from when he was alive so I guess this could be feasible. You know, I'm starting to see some flaws with Meyer's vampire biology here.
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Sep 22, 2020 02:43
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I meant to post this a lot sooner but characters like Rose having agency is a long-time trope. The “other woman” having the gall to make her own decisions and impact her life is against All that is Good and Right, which is why she’s Punished by not getting to have babies. I’m reminded of Victorian/Pulp era cowboy stories where women who adopt men’s clothing and attitudes to hunt down a man who did them wrong end up dead at the end of the narrative because she decided she was done wearing dresses.
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Sep 22, 2020 12:48
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SUPERMAN'S GAL PAL posted:I meant to post this a lot sooner but characters like Rose having agency is a long-time trope. The “other woman” having the gall to make her own decisions and impact her life is against All that is Good and Right, which is why she’s Punished by not getting to have babies. I’m reminded of Victorian/Pulp era cowboy stories where women who adopt men’s clothing and attitudes to hunt down a man who did them wrong end up dead at the end of the narrative because she decided she was done wearing dresses. quote:He sighed. We both knew that Rosalie would do anything, give up anything, if it meant she could be human again. Anything. Even Emmett. That's awesome. Finally, a woman in these books that wants someone other than a man. Granted, the reason she wants to be human is to have a proper little nuclear family, but it's refreshing to see someone not completely satisfied in Mormon heaven. Emmett's a nice dude and definitely her best option, but he's not her soulmate. She loves him, but she'd leave him to follow her dream. To Meyer that makes her a selfish bitch, but to me that makes her the most interesting character by far. TW for discussing Rose's backstory: I also have to point out that Meyer making fun of how obsessed Rose is over her beauty is pretty loving sick after she was gang-raped to death. What the gently caress, Meyer? If a woman who went through that trauma finally healed to the point where she's okay with her body and proud of it again, you should be throwing her a loving parade! Not going on and on about how vain and vapid she is! Jesus christ.
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Sep 22, 2020 23:04
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hyperhazard posted:That's awesome. Finally, a woman in these books that wants someone other than a man. Granted, the reason she wants to be human is to have a proper little nuclear family, but it's refreshing to see someone not completely satisfied in Mormon heaven. Emmett's a nice dude and definitely her best option, but he's not her soulmate. She loves him, but she'd leave him to follow her dream. To Meyer that makes her a selfish bitch, but to me that makes her the most interesting character by far. Remember, Mormon. As a woman, you are nothing to be proud of. Your pride is your husband and your children. To put any pride in yourself, your qualities and deeds, is nothing but sinful arrogance and placing yourself before your family and God.
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Sep 22, 2020 23:15
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hyperhazard posted:That's awesome. Finally, a woman in these books that wants someone other than a man. Granted, the reason she wants to be human is to have a proper little nuclear family, but it's refreshing to see someone not completely satisfied in Mormon heaven. Emmett's a nice dude and definitely her best option, but he's not her soulmate. She loves him, but she'd leave him to follow her dream. To Meyer that makes her a selfish bitch, but to me that makes her the most interesting character by far. In Rosalie's really good scene from the new text, this gets retconned. It turns out as much as Rose wants her humanity back, she's insecure that if she lost her supernaturally enhanced beauty that Emmett would reject her.
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Sep 23, 2020 00:04
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chitoryu12 posted:In Rosalie's really good scene from the new text, this gets retconned. It turns out as much as Rose wants her humanity back, she's insecure that if she lost her supernaturally enhanced beauty that Emmett would reject her. Of loving course.
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Sep 23, 2020 05:00
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chitoryu12 posted:In Rosalie's really good scene from the new text, this gets retconned. It turns out as much as Rose wants her humanity back, she's insecure that if she lost her supernaturally enhanced beauty that Emmett would reject her. How does this make any sense?! She was gang raped and left for DEAD because even as a human she was that super hot.
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Sep 23, 2020 05:46
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So speaking as someone who's read the new text, as a non-Twilight fan, I'm a huge Rosalie/Emmett stan because of how much better their relationship is than so many others. Bella and Edward are the only ones to have an overtly crazy and abusive relationship, but Emmett and Rosalie feel so much more fulfilling to watch than the other "perfect" relationships because of their different personalities and how much they refuse to engage in drama. They both spend most of Midnight Sun making fun of Edward for being such a weird douchebag, even if Meyer's writing forces them to toe the party line, and they're characters who would be amazing fun to follow with a more competent writer. Emmett is a barrel of laughs who loves sports and roughhousing but is also a genius who can play 4D chess legitimately and always has the right plan, and Rosalie is an equally intelligent fashionista and top notch mechanic. With a serious writer, they'd be main characters instead of generic archetypes to bounce the protagonists off of; they seem to have little in common, but both are smart and witty and had an extremely emotional first meeting that would drive them together. So even though the new text re-centers Rosalie to be more into her relationship than the original draft, I don't have a problem with it. Because compared to Bella and Edward, their relationship actually feels like one that should last for centuries outside of the crazy author's machinations and character assassination. The original text is seemingly meant to reinforce Rosalie as callous and selfish, to fit with how Bella is willing to give her own humanity up to join Edward in the eternal love of vampire marriage. The way the new text is written, it actually implies that Rose isn't as selfish as she was being pushed to be: she has something at stake other than herself and has found happiness in spite of what happened to her. This is why I consider Meyer leaving the last of her characterization in to be so disgusting. I was honestly shocked at how much that new content seemed to be pushing her as a complex and likable character, but coming after the leftover original text slandering her as a jealous murderer of innocent kids. It was a whiplash that could only come from an author so dedicated to using Rosalie as a platform for her hatred and insecurity that she was unable to even give her a chance to be anything else.
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Sep 23, 2020 05:58
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With a better author, I'd say we're purposely working with an unreliable narrator but...
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Sep 23, 2020 16:54
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Chapter 9: Port Angelesquote:It was too bright for me to drive into town when I got to Port Angeles. The sun was still high overhead, and though my windows were tinted dark enough to provide some protection, there was no reason to take unnecessary risks. More unnecessary risks, I should say. You may ask yourself "But Stephenie, didn't Jasper and Alice specifically point out their tinted windows in Twilight as why they could drive around Phoenix in the daytime?" Why yes, yes they did. quote:How condescendingly I’d once judged Emmett for his thoughtless ways and Jasper for his lack of discipline—and now I was consciously flouting all the rules with a wild abandon that made their lapses look like nothing at all. I used to be the responsible one. This is actually a passage from the previous chapter in the original draft, when Edward is talking about how he's oh-so awful sneaking down from the tree to stare at Bella even closer and steal her book to look at what she was being dramatic about. I don't know why she moved it here. quote:I was certain I would be able to find Jessica’s thoughts from a distance—hers were louder than Angela’s, but once I found the first, I’d be able to hear the second. Then, when the shadows lengthened, I could get closer. Just outside the town, I pulled off the road onto an overgrown driveway that appeared to be infrequently used. So Edward's power is really strong. I showed Port Angeles when we did the first book, and the entire commercial district is one distinct T-shaped area with most of the shops clustered by the water. If Edward is stopping on the outskirts of town, he's reaching out probably hundreds of yards at a minimum to pinpoint individual minds. quote:Bella still looks pissed. Ha ha. Angela was right—Tyler was full of it. I can’t believe she’s so upset about it, though. At least she knows she has a backup date for the prom. What if Mike doesn’t have fun at the dance and doesn’t ask me out again? What if he asks Bella to the prom? Does he think she’s prettier than me? Does she think she’s prettier than me? Not only do I not like the new Jessica being such a bitch, I have some concerns about the fanbase. Looking at fan reactions to Midnight Sun, I saw some people angry that Jessica was suddenly being framed as a false friend who secretly hated Bella the entire time because she's so shallow and stupid. But I also saw a shocking number of posts that were "I never liked Jessica anyway! Now we know what she was always like!" Keep in mind that the original book is 15 years old by this point. Anyone who was a fan at the height of their popularity is an adult now, possibly in their 30s. You can go back to the previous books and see just how normal and non-threatening Jessica was in the actual text. But there are adult women who are somehow still holding on to hatred for a character who didn't really do anything bad on the page except be interested in boys and makeup. quote:I was already tired of listening to Jessica. I searched close by for Angela—ah, but Angela was in the process of changing dresses, and I skipped quickly out of her head to give her some privacy. How kind of you to not spy on someone! quote:Well, there wasn’t much trouble Bella could get into in a department store. I’d let them shop and then catch up with them when they were done. It wouldn’t be long until dark—the clouds were beginning to return, drifting in from the west. I could only catch glimpses of them through the thick trees, but I could see how they would hurry the sunset. I welcomed them, craved them more than I had ever yearned for their shadows before. Tomorrow I could sit beside Bella in school again, monopolize her attention at lunch. I could ask her all the questions I’d been saving up. If you look at what's new content, you'll notice that Edward doesn't do the thing where he's constantly laughing at Bella any time she seems upset. That was part of his original characterization, where he was a smug sociopath who just grinned and taunted Bella for daring to think she had agency. Despite writing that out in the new text to try and make him seem like an awkward kid, she's still leaving enough in to make Edward an rear end in a top hat and give him a serious case of mood swings. quote:The time went slowly while I waited for the shadows to lengthen. I checked in periodically with Jessica; her mental voice was the easiest to find, but I didn’t like to linger there long. I saw the place they were planning to eat. It would be dark by dinnertime… maybe I would coincidentally choose the same restaurant. I touched the phone in my pocket, thinking of inviting Alice out to join me. She would love that, but she would also want to talk to Bella. I wasn’t sure if I was ready to have Bella more involved with my world. Wasn’t one vampire trouble enough? Wouldn't Alice be able to see the results of any conversation before it happened and pick the least troublesome response each time? quote:I checked in routinely with Jessica again. She was thinking about her jewelry, asking Angela’s opinion. Meyer is really beating the Jessica Hate Drum hard. If you go back to Bella's perspective of this chapter, she says that Jessica and Angela tried to come with her to the book store and she waved them off and encouraged them to leave her alone! quote:“Let’s hurry, then,” Angela said. I hope Bella doesn’t think we ditched her. She was so nice to me in the car before. But she’s seemed kind of blue all day. I wonder if it’s because of Edward Cullen? I’ll bet that was why she was asking about his family. How dare she go anywhere without your escort! quote:I knew Port Angeles well. I drove straight to the bookstore in Jessica’s head, hoping my search would be short, but doubting it would be so easy. When did Bella ever make it easy? So why does Edward know Port Angeles so well? What shopping does he do there? quote:There was a patch of shade I could park in. It made a dark pathway right up to the awning of the shop. I really shouldn’t. Wandering around in the sunlit hours was not safe. What if a passing car threw the sun’s reflection on me at just the wrong moment? I love that he's so obsessed with how inhuman and monstrous his sparkling is that he treats even the briefest flash of it like one of the Black Pearl's crew from Pirates of the Caribbean turning into a skeleton in the moonlight. quote:I parked and got out, keeping to the side of deepest shadow. I strode quickly into the store, noting the faint trace of Bella’s scent in the air. She had been here, on the sidewalk, but there was no hint of her fragrance inside the shop. Rude to the staff, too! quote:I followed Bella’s scent as far as the shade would allow, stopping when I got to the edge of the sunlight. So lost, in fact, that closing her eyes and walking randomly would have gotten her closer to Jessica! If you look at the map of Port Angeles, you'll see that walking south is sending her in the clear opposite direction that she would have had to come from. It's so nonsensical, it's like trying to drive east to California and being surprised when you hit the Atlantic. quote:I got back in the car and drove slowly through the streets, looking for her. I stepped out into a few other patches of shadow, but only caught her scent once more, and the direction of it confused me. Where was she trying to go? Her wandering is so nonsensical that there's not even an explanation for it! quote:I drove back and forth between the bookstore and the restaurant a few times, hoping to see her on her way. Jessica and Angela were already there, trying to decide whether to order or to wait for Bella. Jessica was pushing for ordering immediately. That's definitely a thing nice, normal people who aren't serial killers say. quote:Another mind, and another. So many trivial thoughts. Edward just bolts off in a random direction in a rage. quote:I knew the general direction his thoughts came from, but the location was not specific enough. Something, there had to be something—a street sign, a storefront, something in his sightline that would give him away. But Bella was deep in shadow, and his eyes were focused only on her frightened expression—enjoying the fear there. How loud is he loving growling to shake the frame? He must sound like he's driving past with a mongo bass rig cranked all the way up. quote:There were no windows in the wall behind her. Somewhere industrial, away from the more populated shopping district. My car squealed around a corner, swerving past another vehicle, heading in what I hoped was the right direction. By the time the other driver honked, the sound was far behind me. loving Jeff, man. quote:I hadn’t realized that there were others with him until I’d heard the loud laughter. I scanned out from him, desperate for something that I could use. He was taking the first step in her direction, flexing his hands. ...Lanny? In the original draft, his name was Lonnie. I have no idea why Meyer changed to something so dumb. quote:One of them glanced down the street, nervous—he didn’t want to get caught harassing the girl—and gave me what I needed. I recognized the cross street he stared toward. Is this the first canon mention of an erection in Twilight? quote:But Bella locked her jaw and braced herself. He was surprised—he’d expected her to try to run. Surprised and slightly disappointed. He liked to chase his prey down, feel the adrenaline of the hunt. Yeah this is just a serial killer book. quote:He was in the road, crossing toward her. The only reason we didn't witness a brutal vehicular homicide reading Twilight was because Edward was feeling too sadistic! quote:I let the car spin out, swinging all the way around so that I was facing back the way I’d come and the passenger door was closest to Bella. I threw that open, and she was already running toward the car. What a shame. quote:It took much, much less than a second for me to see that I could not leave her in the car in order to deal with the four men in the street. What would I tell her, not to watch? Ha! When did she ever do what I asked? "If I leave her for a few seconds, what if another rapist just teleports behind her?!" quote:It would feel like part of the same motion to her as I accelerated, taking her away from her pursuers so quickly that they gaped after my car with uncomprehending expressions. She would not recognize my instant of hesitation. "I just can't believe there would be a psychopath in Port Angeles tonight around Bella!" quote:Except that the girl—the only girl in the world—was clinging to her seat with both hands, staring at me, her eyes strangely calm and unquestioning. Vengeance would have to wait. No. quote:“No,” I realized, and my tone seethed with rage. Where I'm sure another van is lurking. Oh hey, here's more new text! quote:My mind was replaying scenes from my hunting days, images I wished I could forget. Especially now, with the urge to kill so much stronger than any hunting compulsion I’d ever felt before. The original draft actually does nothing to really talk about Edward's past as a serial killer/vigilante except what you've already seen. We'll see even more detailed flashbacks later, but Meyer has continued her attempt to humanize Edward and better justify his actions by emphasizing that all these guys were really deserving. Actually saving injured people, too? The original never would have done that. quote:But first— A normal thing to have, yes. This actually ties into the changes vampirism makes to your psychology, in fact. We know that newborns have a severe bloodlust and Jasper and other vampires lack self-control when it comes to feeding, but how much of Edward's psychotic lust for violence is natural to him and how much is making sure that vampires are ideal predators? There are other examples of vampires gorging themselves on whole groups of victims when they didn't need that many. On the one hand, having it be Edward's natural personality just makes him even worse. On the other, having it be a consequence of vampirism that needs to be overcome makes Bella's obsession with immortality seem dumber. She really is becoming a violent monster and will have to suppress it for the rest of her unnatural existence. quote:I needed to think about something else. In the original book, he didn't "bark." He just started kinda smiling and asked calmly. Edward is just consistently worse from his POV. quote:“He’s telling everyone that he’s taking me to prom,” she said, her voice filled with outrage. “Either he’s insane or he’s still trying to make up for almost killing me last… well you remember it,” she inserted dryly. “And he thinks prom is somehow the correct way to do this. So I figure if I endanger his life, then we’re even, and he can’t keep trying to make amends. I don’t need enemies and maybe Lauren would back off if he left me alone. I might have to total his Sentra, though,” she went on, thoughtful now. “If he doesn’t have a ride, he can’t take anyone to prom.…” So I missed this last time. Sentra. In every other chapter, when Tyler's vehicle is referenced, it's a van. It's always been a van. Now it's a sedan. quote:It was encouraging to see that she sometimes got things wrong. Tyler’s persistence had nothing to do with the accident. She didn’t seem to understand the appeal she held for the human boys at the high school. Did she not see the appeal she had for me, either? How can you write this with a straight face? quote:“I heard about that,” I told her. She had stopped talking, and I needed her to continue. "Unlike me. I am always completely serious when I talk about killing people brutally and painfully, especially high school students who dared to look at my property." quote:I sighed, and opened my eyes. You're not making it better! quote:Bella deserved better than a killer. No, she wouldn't. quote:I was trying to be good enough for her. It was an impossible goal. But I couldn’t bear the thought of giving up. Like I said, Meyer's improvement in writing talent in the past decade really makes her awful poo poo stand out worse. quote:“Jessica and Angela will be worried,” she said quietly. Her voice was very calm, and I was not sure how that could be. Was she in shock? Maybe tonight’s events hadn’t sunk in for her yet. “I was supposed to meet them.” Remember how in New Moon he came seriously close to slaughtering innocent people just over his ex being dead? quote:No. I wasn’t giving up. Not yet. I wanted her too much to surrender. They might be getting spied on by some creep in the dark! quote:“How did you know where…?” Bella’s unfinished question interrupted me, and I realized that I had made yet another gaffe. I’d been too distracted to remember to ask her where she was supposed to meet her friends. She's just accepted his stalking at this point. quote:What did that mean? I have no idea! Bella's internal monologue didn't explain it! quote:Well, I didn’t have time to puzzle over her strange acceptance of my stranger knowledge. I opened my door. Oh, uh.... quote:She already had her door half-open before I’d walked around the car—it wasn’t usually so frustrating to have to move at an inconspicuous speed—instead of allowing me to get it for her. I waited for her to join me, getting more anxious as her girlfriends continued toward the dark corner. Doesn't look any better from the other side! quote:She shuddered, and then quickly collected herself. She took half a step after them, calling, “Jess! Angela!” in a loud voice. They turned, and she waved her arm over her head to catch their attention. Guess Meyer was afraid Jessica was being too evil. quote:They hurried back, and then stopped, shocked, when they saw me beside her. Oh, right, back to her being a bitch who only cares about gross girly things like boys and makeup and not Smart Girl things like 19th century literature and having babies. quote:“Where have you been?” she demanded, staring at Bella, but peeking at me from the corner of her eye. She could also just be really dumb! quote:“Would it be all right if I joined you?” I asked—to be polite. I knew that they’d already eaten. Dude, you did. You Dazzled her once and she almost lost consciousness right in front of you. quote:“Er… sure,” Jessica agreed. When reading the original book, I was baffled by how Edward seemed to think Bella was in such shock that she was about to pass out and needed copious amounts of cola to save her. Turns out that really was his thinking! Two medical degrees! quote:These girls wouldn’t be in any danger if they went straight home. Danger didn’t stalk their every step. Even with the new Bella created by not having her crazy internal monologue, her behavior is still baffling. quote:“Okay,” Angela said quickly, in a hurry to be out of the way if that was what Bella wanted. And it seemed that she did want that. “See you tomorrow, Bella… Edward.” She struggled to say my name in a casual tone. Then she grabbed Jessica’s hand and began towing her away. He's not kidding. Wait till you see what his idea is!
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Sep 24, 2020 05:13
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chitoryu12 posted:Not only do I not like the new Jessica being such a bitch, I have some concerns about the fanbase. Looking at fan reactions to Midnight Sun, I saw some people angry that Jessica was suddenly being framed as a false friend who secretly hated Bella the entire time because she's so shallow and stupid. But I also saw a shocking number of posts that were "I never liked Jessica anyway! Now we know what she was always like!" Meyers knows her audience. Teenage girls are unbelievably horrible to each other, and I'm not surprised that one middle aged woman tapping into lingering teenage resentments and jealousies succeeded in reaching those feelings in other teenage-to-middle-aged women. That's something that's sunk into me from these readings as I think is a big part of Twilight's success. Meyer seems to have poured her teenage feelings into these books - her teenage resentments, and jealousies, and ambitions, and fears, and hopes, most of them long deferred and unfulfilled by being culturally pressured into marriage and motherhood I'm not convinced she truly wanted (or wants), and spun those feelings into a story of wish fulfillment and fantasy. It's no surprise, to me, that she'd strike a chord with girls and women with the same feelings and thoughts. Twilight, in my opinion, is by any measure mediocre schlock that's actively damaging to women and feminism. But it's mediocre schlock that's activity damaging to women and feminism that comes from the heart, and by a quirk of fate made it into the media big leagues where stories/games/books/shows/movies by women for women about women-specific issues and feelings almost never make it, relegated to the obscure and the niche and the cult classic.
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Sep 24, 2020 13:38
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quote:Jessica’s car was close by in a bright circle of light cast by a streetlamp. Bella watched them carefully, a little crease of concern between her eyes, until they were in the car, so she must be somewhat aware of the danger she’d been in. Jessica waved as she drove away, and Bella waved back. It wasn’t until the car disappeared that she took a deep breath and turned to look up at me. Bad choice on her part! quote:Whether or not that was the case, she was going to eat something. The fear seems to only kick in when you act like weirdos! quote:“A table for two?” I prompted when the hostess didn’t speak. Shut up, nerd. quote:Well, no need to help her out, just in case, the hostess thought as she led us to a family-sized table in the middle of the most crowded part of the restaurant. Can I give him my number while she’s there? she mused. Your regular reminder that all women except soft nerds who read a lot are bitches. quote:She offered us a booth in a quiet corner of the restaurant where no one would be able to see us—to see Bella’s reactions to whatever I would tell her. I had no clue as to what she would want from me tonight. Or what I would give her. This guy is so loving dumb. I'm taking this as canon that there's absolutely nothing about a vampire's appearance that causes some natural fear reaction in humans (especially since that makes no sense combined with their natural lures) and Edward was just scaring people off with his bizarre behavior while thinking he looks like a fierce predator. quote:“You really shouldn’t do that to people.” Bella interrupted my thoughts in a disapproving tone. “It’s hardly fair.” "Dazzle" no longer looks like a word to me. quote:My silent heart swelled with a hope more intense than I could ever remember having felt before. Two medical degrees. quote:She looked healthy, though. More than healthy. She looked radiant. Stop that. quote:“I don’t think that will happen. I’ve always been very good at repressing unpleasant things,” she answered, a little breathless. Gasp! A gentile! quote:“Um…” Bella glanced quickly at the menu. “I’ll have the mushroom ravioli.” "Or I'll throw you against the car window." quote:I was surprised when she complied immediately and without objection. She drank until the glass was entirely empty, so I pushed the second Coke toward her, frowning a little. Thirst, or shock? I need a different kind of coke to get through this. quote:The pretty blouse she wore looked too thin to protect her adequately. It clung to her like a second skin, almost as fragile as the first. "Have I gone long enough without reminding you that I'm a vampire and existence is misery?" quote:“Thanks,” she said. She took a deep breath, and then pushed the too-long sleeves back to free her hands. She took another deep breath. Mr. Two Medical Degrees is confusing circulatory shock with the state of being psychologically shocked. Adrenaline from fear or anxiety can cause shaky hands, feeling faint, etc. but the symptoms Edward is looking for are reflective of medical shock, which is a condition of insufficient blood flow due to injury or illness. As I said the first time around, if he was legitimately concerned that she was going into shock he needed to be taking her straight to the emergency room. quote:“I feel very safe with you,” she explained, her eyes again filled with trust. Trust I didn’t deserve. You got that right! quote:Her instincts were all wrong—backward. That must be the problem. She didn’t recognize danger the way a human being should be able to. She had the opposite reaction. Instead of running, she lingered, drawn to what should frighten her. Danger fetish is confirmed canon! quote:How could I protect her from myself when neither of us wanted that?  quote:“I hope you were more creative this time,” I lied when she didn’t continue. What I really hoped was that she was wrong—miles wide of the mark. “Or are you still stealing from comic books?” Don't cause a scene in the middle of the restaurant! quote:As she hesitated, biting her lip, the waitress reappeared with Bella’s food. I paid the server little attention as she set the plate in front of Bella and then asked if I wanted anything. Too busy with her vulgar thoughts? quote:“You were saying?” I prompted anxiously as soon as Bella and I were alone again. Would I randomly destroy a tree while ripping my jacket open? quote:We sat in silence while the waitress replenished her supply of soda. Sir, she is eating mushroom ravioli. Wondering why the cover is a really gross pomegranate? It's this. The Hades/Persephone thing is a new addition to the draft, and believe me you're never going to hear the end of it! quote:She washed her bite down with more Coke, and then finally looked up at me. Her eyes were narrow with suspicion. That "half smile" wasn't in the original Twilight. Bella was just confused. This is a quasi-retcon by Meyer to add new reactions to try and make her seem more clever. quote:“Just one exception,” I corrected. “Hypothetically.” Good ol' Joe. quote:I had to smile at her enthusiasm. Did she really think the truth would be a good thing? If my secrets were pleasant, why would I keep them from her? I know that when I'm talking to someone I barely know and have an ambivalent relationship with, I'm instinctually driven to stroke their face. quote:“Yes, we were,” I said, returning to the conversation before I could depress myself too thoroughly. “Shall we call you ‘Jane’?” Little does he realize what she's really into! quote:“I don’t know if I have a choice anymore,” I murmured. I remembered that I’d once teased her by calling her exceptionally unobservant. Offended her, if I’d been judging her expressions correctly. Well, I could right that one injustice, at least. “I was wrong—you’re much more observant than I gave you credit for.” And though she might not realize it, I’d given her plenty of credit already. Have so little agency that she can only be the focal point of the plot through contrived coincidence? quote:Bella’s face turned serious again. “And you put yourself into that category?” "Why were you so concerned? You just feel clammy." quote:“Thank you,” she said, meeting my stare with an intense gaze of her own. “That’s twice now.” And we all saw how many it would be! quote:I pulled my hands out from under hers. As exquisite as her touch felt, I wasn’t going to wait for the magic of her tolerance to pass, to turn to revulsion. I hid my hands under the table. Sigh. quote:I read her eyes; though her mind was silent, I could perceive both trust and wonder there. I realized in that moment that I wanted to answer her questions. Not because I owed it to her. Not because I wanted her to trust me. Yeah, not a great sign! quote:“Did you ever think that maybe my number was up that first time, with the van, and that you’ve been interfering with fate?” she asked. Whoever introduced this dumbass to Greek mythology made a mistake. quote:I wanted something, someone, to be responsible for this, so that I would have something concrete to fight against. Something, anything to destroy, so that Bella could be safe. Imagine if someone wrote this scene but without the romantic angle. Edward doesn't have a weird obsession with her, but Bella becomes absolutely convinced that she's destined to be with him and now a vampire has to deal with a stalker. quote:Hopelessly, I pushed one more time at the barrier that protected her thoughts, desperate to understand. It made no logical sense to me. How could she even care about the rest with that glaring truth on the table? A mushroom ravioli barrier. quote:I named my terms. “You eat, I’ll talk.” I think your logic is backwards there. quote:“I started to drive in circles, still… listening.” I hoped the word made sense to her. This had to be confusing. “The sun was finally setting, and I was about to get out and follow you on foot. And then—” This guy just almost sailed out the window to go commit mass murder mid-conversation. quote:“Then what?” she whispered, her dark eyes huge. Nope, no agency for Bella! She's just a waif with glass bones and paper skin who needs a man in her life! quote:I tried to explain my violent reaction so that she would understand. Not the point, man! quote:She was quiet as I struggled to control myself. I listened to her heartbeat. The rhythm was irregular, but it slowed as the time passed until it was steady again. Her breathing, too, was low and even. I've definitely had enough. quote:I looked at her again, and her face was paler than before, but composed. "You petty human and your trivial.....tiramisu." quote:“How are we doing?” she asked me. Imagine being Robert Pattinson reading this and trying to wrap your head around how to give this emo psychopath a voice that's somehow perfect enough to stun women. quote:In a sudden moment of perception, hearing the way my voice sounded in this inconsequential human’s head, I realized why I seemed to be attracting so much admiration tonight—unmarred by the usual fear. Again, no other vampires have this "innate horror." It's just you, man. quote:I looked up at the waitress, waiting for her to recover herself. It was sort of humorous, now that I understood the reason. "Dance for me, peons!" quote:I had money ready again. I gave the folder back at once, so she wouldn’t waste any time waiting for a call that would never come. How warm is it, though? The Lexicon timeline puts virtually the entire book in March. The average highs in Port Angeles are around 50 degrees Fahrenheit at this time. Bella leaving her jacket in Jessica's car was a pretty dumb move! quote:I waited, postponing the conversation until the lights of the boardwalk faded. It made me feel more alone with her. Edward goes back for more mushroom ravioli. quote:Now if I could just keep it to that—just burn, and nothing more. But the venom filled my mouth, and my muscles tensed in anticipation, as if I were hunting.
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Sep 24, 2020 18:33
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Also, there are only 3 chapters left of the first draft before we get to totally new content!
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Sep 24, 2020 18:37
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You’re a champion for suffering through this for our entertainment.
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Sep 24, 2020 19:28
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chitoryu12 posted:"Dazzle" no longer looks like a word to me. 
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Sep 24, 2020 22:11
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I'm trying to imagine how Stephanie Meyer possibly found this hot and I can't, I really can't. Poor Robert Pattison.
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Sep 24, 2020 23:00
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 That was it. That was the restaurant.
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Sep 24, 2020 23:37
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You could do something interesting with a telepath who's become jaded and cynical because of over-exposure to people's inner lives, who becomes restored and renewed by contact with someone whose mind he can't read. But you'd have to be a better writer.
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Sep 25, 2020 00:38
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HopperUK posted:You could do something interesting with a telepath who's become jaded and cynical because of over-exposure to people's inner lives, who becomes restored and renewed by contact with someone whose mind he can't read. But you'd have to be a better writer. I'd love to see a version where Bella does her "you can finally hear my thoughts" trick from the end of Breaking Dawn and Edward is loving decimated from the realization that Bella is and always was just as annoying and superficial and selfish as all the other high schoolers, and he's just tied himself to her for eternity.
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Sep 25, 2020 01:23
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HopperUK posted:You could do something interesting with a telepath who's become jaded and cynical because of over-exposure to people's inner lives, who becomes restored and renewed by contact with someone whose mind he can't read. But you'd have to be a better writer. I mean that happens in Trueblood doesnt it?
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Sep 25, 2020 15:44
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Victorkm posted:I mean that happens in Trueblood doesnt it? I remember Sookie being quite a positive person but I might just be thinking of the tv show.
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Sep 25, 2020 17:14
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HopperUK posted:I remember Sookie being quite a positive person but I might just be thinking of the tv show. Yeah it was more that hearing people's thoughts made it impossible for her to have a sexual or emotional relationship so she was intensely relieved when she realized she couldnt hear vampire thoughts and met Bill in her small town.
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Sep 25, 2020 23:44
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Leng posted:I'm trying to imagine how Stephanie Meyer possibly found this hot and I can't, I really can't. I always think back to how he had girls stalking him with their wrists scratched open and how he tried to cultivate a look that came off gross/unwashed to be unapproachable. Maybe the upcoming Batman film will be total burnt popcorn but he deserves good/interesting roles, he’s a hell of an actor.
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Sep 26, 2020 02:00
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https://twitter.com/porchluck/status/1283690544695144449
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Sep 26, 2020 05:15
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Chapter 10: Theoryquote:"Can I just ask one more?" she entreated instead of answering my demand. Again, Edward should immediately recognize the signs of a shield! He's been around for decades and professes knowledge of these powers! There's nothing to question! quote:“I thought we were past all the evasiveness,” she said, her tone critical and disappointed. "Oh no, it's her kink." quote:“And then you didn’t answer one of my first questions…,” she said. "Well, I've just straight up told you that I'm a psychic. May as well admit everything." https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lnHCDQcROAw I didn't show the restaurant scene last time. It somehow manages to be simpler (putting all the conversation about mind reading into dinner because the reveal is moved from the car to the meadow) but with some of the worst acting known to man. There's one fun fact though! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R89K1zydhPI That background music is actually one of Robert Pattinson's own songs, "Never Think." Along with being a talented multi-instrumentalist who composed his own version of Bella's song, he's also a mumble-singer. quote:“No, it’s just me. And I can’t hear anyone, anywhere. I have to be fairly close. The more familiar someone’s… ‘voice’ is, the farther away I can hear them. But still, no more than a few miles.” I tried to think of a way to describe it so that she would understand. An analogy that she could relate to. “It’s a little like being in a huge hall filled with people, everyone talking at once. It’s just a hum—a buzzing of voices in the background. Until I focus on one voice, and then what they’re thinking is clear. Most of the time I tune it all out—it can be very distracting. And then it’s easier to seem normal”—I scowled—“when I’m not accidentally answering someone’s thoughts rather than their words.” "It surely has nothing to do with all my established knowledge about psychic powers in humans." quote:I realized as soon as the words were out that she would not like this analogy. The anticipation of her reaction had me smiling. She didn’t disappoint. Ladies: if your man only smiles when he's laughing at you being upset, leave him. quote:Ah, the irony again. Posting At home Book sucks I know quote:Bella was gnawing on her lip, and the crease between her eyes was etched deep. Envision this expression. quote:“Don’t worry,” I reassured her. “It’s just a theory.…” And there was a more important theory to be discussed. I was anxious to get it over with. Each passing second was beginning to feel more and more like borrowed time. “Which brings us back to you.” "Trying to get to stuff that wasn't written in 2007!" quote:“I always drive like this.” I met her gaze, amused by her shocked expression. If she's right to be afraid, slow down! quote:With a sigh, I let the car drift to a crawl. “Happy?” Some say his hair holds the secrets to his Stephenie Meyer's orgasms. Some say Rosalie has a car bomb set aside for him. All we know is, he's called Edward "The Stig" Cullen. quote:She bit her lip again, and her expression became upset, almost pained. Definitely the second one. quote:“No,” she said again. “It was Saturday, at the beach.” We'll see some more flashbacks regarding the Quileute later on, which leads to one of the pieces of artwork I posted before. quote:She knew the truth. But… if she’d learned the truth Saturday… then she’d known it all evening long, and yet… If you're keeping track, Emmett was turned into a vampire in 1935 in the south and the treaty was made in 1936 in Forks. I guess they had to move real fast! quote:I should have realized that it was not the old men who believed in the legends that would be the danger. Of course, the younger generation—those who had been warned but would think the ancient superstitions laughable—that was where the danger of exposure lay. loving Christ, Edward! What the gently caress is wrong with you? quote:“He just thought it was a silly superstition,” Bella said suddenly, her voice edged with a new anxiety, almost as if she could read my thoughts. “He didn’t expect me to think anything of it.” Like loving genocide? quote:“Lauren said something about you—she was trying to provoke me.” She made a little face at the memory. I was slightly distracted, wondering how Bella would be provoked by someone talking about me. “And an older boy from the tribe said your family didn’t come to the reservation, only it sounded like he meant something different. So I got Jacob alone and I tricked it out of him.” Nobody talks like this! quote:“Tricked him how?” I asked. So plain, yet so impossibly perfect that she can get get any boy under her spell just by badly flirting. quote:“I’d like to have seen that,” I said, and then I laughed again with dark humor. I wished I could have heard the boy’s reaction, witnessed the devastation for myself. “And you accused me of dazzling people—poor Jacob Black.” But not for you planning to murder the entire Quileute people, right? quote:I felt her blush heat the air between us. I glanced at her, and she was staring out her window. She didn’t speak again. Certified freak, seven days a week. quote:“It didn’t matter?” I said through my teeth, anger filling me. How was I supposed to protect someone so… so… so determined to be unprotected? This, right here, is the funniest thing Stephenie Meyer will ever write. quote:“You’re angry,” she sighed. “I shouldn’t have said anything.” If you were wanting to know how little editing most of this draft got, everything you've read so far has been identical to the leaked draft except for minor grammatical corrections. Even the italics are intact. quote:She took a deep breath. I waited angrily for her answer. Me reading this book. quote:“What are you curious about?” I asked her. There were no secrets left, only minor details. Bitch you won't even trust tinted windows ......except for the very end of this book. You'll see. quote:“Burned by the sun?” Just watch porn, dude. quote:She stared back at me, her expression full of wonder. I had to look away. I could not dream of her. She should not dream of me. "I do not drink......wine." quote:“Well, Jacob said something about that,” she said. Try hissing. quote:“We… try,” I told her. “We’re usually very good at what we do. Sometimes we make mistakes. Me, for example, allowing myself to be alone with you.” Yeah, Edward telling Bella this was him purposefully hinting that he was on the verge of eating her just to scare her. It wasn't tactless: it was a threat. quote:“This is a mistake?” she asked, and there was heartbreak in her voice. The sound of it disarmed me. She wanted to be with me—despite everything, she wanted to be with me. Oh hey 2020. quote:“A very dangerous one,” I told her truthfully, wishing the truth could really somehow cease to matter. Edward is such a virgin he can't even recognize arousal. quote:“What more do you want to know?” I asked, trying to think of a way to keep her from hurting. She should not hurt. I couldn’t let her be hurt. Because she wants to annihilate your marble. quote:“But you’re not hungry now,” she declared, perfectly sure of herself. poo poo I can't make the Snickers joke again. quote:I chuckled at her description: crabby. There was an understatement. But she was dead right, as usual. “You are observant, aren’t you?” I laughed again. Imagine if Bella had gotten to see Emmett in a roaring contest with the bear. quote:“Yes,” I told her, and then, as I was about to leave it at that, I felt the same urge I’d had in the restaurant: I wanted her to know me. “I didn’t want to leave,” I went on slowly, “but it was necessary. It’s a bit easier to be around you when I’m not thirsty.” Yes, that's what lips do. quote:“That’s what I thought,” I said, unable to contain my smile. “I suppose, being you, it could have been much worse—and that possibility tormented me the entire time I was away. It was a very long three days. I really got on Emmett’s nerves.” Honestly, that didn’t belong in the past tense. I was probably still irritating Emmett, and all the rest of my family, too. Except Alice. So much of what the first book made look like Edward being suave and on the ball in conversations was really just him blurting out random dumb poo poo. quote:It wasn’t something to worry about now. I didn’t know if I could be allowed see her again, after tonight. Did I love her enough yet to be able to bear leaving her? Odd because, again, she never gave him her number! quote:“But I didn’t know where you were. I—” She came to an abrupt stop, and looked at her hands. For no apparent reason!
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Sep 26, 2020 06:27
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Meyer somehow thought this was acceptable posted:I supposed this meant I was now free to slaughter the small, defenseless tribe on the coastline, were I so inclined. Ephraim and his pack of protectors were long dead. Here it is, the line that seared itself into my brain as a reminder of what a sociopath Edward is. He’s spending time with the first person he’s felt any remote attraction to in a century of unlife and his mind wanders to killing the people who had every right to wipe him and his family out decades ago but didn’t.
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Sep 26, 2020 07:25
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Apologies for any slowness in posting. An ex-coworker probably gave me COVID because she was a denialist never wearing a mask and constantly partying and I’m basically bedridden with a fever!
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Sep 28, 2020 00:16
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