tool assisted speedrunning: house chores

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PHIZ KALIFA: #mood

fast steam an entire bag of dumplings at once by leaning against the back of the fridge at an angle and croutch jumping, the dumplings will clip through your ice machine (even if its broken) and land cooked on the floor in front of the fridge.
take the texture map of your hungry child and paste it over a garbage bin so that the dumplings fall immediately inside your starving boy and suffer no timer burn between feedings.

if you want to mop an entire floor just raise the water level in your engine to one inch over your floor elevation, then drop it back down again. presto washo.

walls hosed up, because some dude named Kyle? erase the wall. erase the entire wall. copy and paste a new wall in its place.

you can cut a half hour off of your bathroom routine if you clip through the gravel below your mom's fuckpool only while it's raining outside.

teleport automatically from daycare to prison by peeing on the racks of sleeping babies

# ? Jul 2, 2019 20:32

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# ? Apr 24, 2024 23:06

PHIZ KALIFA: #mood

picking up an entire loaf of unsliced bread and slamming it through a jar of peanut butter, a pile of fully plated sandwiches grows beneath my table. the cat attempts to run off but fails to clip successfully through the sliding glass door.

crimes

# ? Jul 2, 2019 20:35

PHIZ KALIFA: #mood

glean an entire field of cabbages in half the time by doing karate moves at the dirt

crimes

# ? Jul 2, 2019 20:35

PHIZ KALIFA: #mood

crouching in the bathroom by the toilet repeatedly trying to jump from the cistern onto the window ledge, succeed and all the cat turds in the litterbox with fly up your butt.

crimes

# ? Jul 2, 2019 20:55

bird.

"now, normally we couildn't do this but thanks to TASbot here" *pats r.o.b.* "we can frame-perfect time the inputs on the dishwasher until the knives clip out of the chassis and just end up in the drawer clean -- woops, there's sugar ants in the dishwasher! ha ha, just playing we timed the inputs to show you that briefly but the dishes were in no danger of getting dirty"

# ? Jul 2, 2019 21:31

PHIZ KALIFA: #mood

roll thru the grocery store, items falling into the basket of their own accord. glitch out the cashier by droping a x99 stack of Korean Won then evade security by dodge rolling thru the front windshield. by this point your fried chicken basket should be thoroughly pulverised and suitable for Speed Chugging

crimes

# ? Jul 2, 2019 21:45

Pot Smoke Phoenix: Smoke 'em if you gottem!

Parkour KP duty, peeling potatoes and polishing pots & pans while dicing onions and not crying while the dishes are drying and baking the biscuits using bisquick 'cause it's quicker with less water so it's thicker and the biscuits are buttered then you're done.

# ? Jul 2, 2019 22:37

Farecoal: There he go

the cops tried to arrest me for a coupon duplication glitch at walgreens but i clipped myself through the jail wall

# ? Jul 2, 2019 22:43

Randy Travesty: PHANTOM QUEEN

You have to gently rub a rounded object against another object, say a watermelon against your grandma, and then you gain weightlessness so you can skip the cutscenes where you explain to your mom why you dropped out of college and work at a burger king and go straight to being the CEO of something awfuk dot com and then let the users tase you; when you come to in the next cutscene you gotta stack up all the dishes in the burger king kitchen then crouch run/sneak through the wall of the walk in freezer at a 41° angle so you can get skip the boss fight and get instant invulnerability to unemployment for the rest of the run

# ? Jul 3, 2019 00:15

Randy Travesty: PHANTOM QUEEN

Jumping over poorly set polygons to get to the back of my fridge and then repeatedly hitting the corner of the fridge with my shoulder so all the expired and scary leftovers fall through my walls and into the neighbor's fridge :smuggo:

# ? Jul 3, 2019 00:22

Farecoal: There he go

wearing jorts to this job interview will cause a buffer overflow and make you ceo and also make 99 tootsie rolls appear in your inventory

# ? Jul 3, 2019 03:03

google THIS

Putting my kids in their rooms then moving their doors and windows to another part of the house until they actually pick up.

# ? Jul 3, 2019 04:15

Twenty Four

PHIZ KALIFA posted:

walls hosed up, because some dude named Kyle? erase the wall. erase the entire wall. copy and paste a new wall in its place.

lmao

# ? Jul 3, 2019 04:52

Twenty Four

Looking through your tool box and can't find the right tool for the job? Just grab a marker and write IDKFA on the tool box lid. Now you've got what you need!

# ? Jul 3, 2019 04:56

PHIZ KALIFA: #mood

Farecoal posted:

wearing jorts to this job interview will cause a buffer overflow and make you ceo and also make 99 tootsie rolls appear in your inventory

(whispering) gently caress thats so many tootsie roll

crimes

# ? Jul 3, 2019 06:25

PHIZ KALIFA: #mood

clean a room really quickly by standing on a running CD player and turning on a leaf blower as you spin rapidly in place

crimes

# ? Jul 3, 2019 07:04

pixaal: All ice cream is now for all beings, no matter how many legs.

You can speed up your end of day by adding putting trim inside the leaf blower the engine will heat up the trim and cause it to produce smoke fulfilling the chillax step for end of day add a bonus for being near a fire, you can pair this with a TV or gaming bonus and really stack the buffs to an unintended amount for the next day.

Which brings us to, it should not be possible to get both the camp fire bonus and any electroic bonus. Pairing the inhansed hand eye coordination of gaming with the heat resistance bonus of camp fire on day 42069 let's us...

*uncontrollable laughter* as you can see we can wait here until 2:08am and activate our bullet time from hand eye coronation then the frame the dog bed lights on fire pick it up, due to our hear resist we wont drop it but the animation still plays causing the dog to clip the bed you can then throw it outside in the Koi Pond.

Fun note the bed never stops burning because the condition to put it out is to kill the dog, and since that is supposed to end the dog the dog doesn't have an age condition for death so the dog will live forever unless you let him swim in the Koi Pond. The lack of the depression debuff for the next few days let's us do some interesting things which leads us to this major sequence break.

# ? Jul 3, 2019 11:55

PHIZ KALIFA: #mood

pixaal posted:

You can speed up your end of day by adding putting trim inside the leaf blower the engine will heat up the trim and cause it to produce smoke fulfilling the chillax step for end of day add a bonus for being near a fire, you can pair this with a TV or gaming bonus and really stack the buffs to an unintended amount for the next day.

Which brings us to, it should not be possible to get both the camp fire bonus and any electroic bonus. Pairing the inhansed hand eye coordination of gaming with the heat resistance bonus of camp fire on day 42069 let's us...

*uncontrollable laughter* as you can see we can wait here until 2:08am and activate our bullet time from hand eye coronation then the frame the dog bed lights on fire pick it up, due to our hear resist we wont drop it but the animation still plays causing the dog to clip the bed you can then throw it outside in the Koi Pond.

Fun note the bed never stops burning because the condition to put it out is to kill the dog, and since that is supposed to end the dog the dog doesn't have an age condition for death so the dog will live forever unless you let him swim in the Koi Pond. The lack of the depression debuff for the next few days let's us do some interesting things which leads us to this major sequence break.

minute the second the bed hits the koi pond all the NPCs start t-posing and noclipping through the environment, colliding at 90 degree angles.

crimes

# ? Jul 3, 2019 17:07

The Klowner: by Jeffrey of YOSPOS

If we skip the "get the mail" chore for 3 weeks, the mailbox will overflow on the 22nd day at 12 noon. We don't have that kind of time so we're going to speed this up by grabbing 256 parcels of mail from other mailboxes in the neighborhood and stuffing it in there, which will cause the overflow immediately. Now, the data for the contents of the mailbox are stored next to the count of dogs in the neighborhood. So when the mail box overflows, the doggie count ticks up by 1, which immediately spawns a copy of the last dog loaded into memory—and it's non-hostile since we didn't spec into the mailman class. What this means is that we can effectively spawn ourselves as many allied dogs as we want as long as we have access to 256 pieces of mail at a time. This is where the People Magazine subscription exploit comes in.

# ? Jul 5, 2019 04:30

Randy Travesty: PHANTOM QUEEN

The Clowner posted:

If we skip the "get the mail" chore for 3 weeks, the mailbox will overflow on the 22nd day at 12 noon. We don't have that kind of time so we're going to speed this up by grabbing 256 parcels of mail from other mailboxes in the neighborhood and stuffing it in there, which will cause the overflow immediately. Now, the data for the contents of the mailbox are stored next to the count of dogs in the neighborhood. So when the mail box overflows, the doggie count ticks up by 1, which immediately spawns a copy of the last dog loaded into memory—and it's non-hostile since we didn't spec into the mailman class. What this means is that we can effectively spawn ourselves as many allied dogs as we want as long as we have access to 256 pieces of mail at a time. This is where the People Magazine subscription exploit comes in.

# ? Jul 5, 2019 04:57

Resting Lich Face: This case of an intraperitoneal zucchini is unusual, and does raise questions as to how hard one has to push a blunt vegetable to perforate the rectum.

I can't come up with anything funny enough to add but this poo poo is AMAZING.

# ? Jul 5, 2019 05:45

PHIZ KALIFA: #mood

possible to upgrade yourself to Dead much faster if you immediately resleep after completing every Sleep Cycle. easier if u have the Depression condition. if you didnt spawn with it it can be aquired in game by Reading The NEws

crimes

# ? Jul 8, 2019 04:28

PHIZ KALIFA: #mood

attempting to earn infinite lives by curbstomping turtles much less effective outside the Mushroom Kingdom sorry to say

crimes

# ? Jul 8, 2019 04:29

PHIZ KALIFA: #mood

the mouth has no checksum, meaning you can eat a lot of stuff that isn't food. normally you're limited by mouth diameter but modders in the Vore community are likely to fix that shortly

crimes

# ? Jul 8, 2019 04:31

FutonForensic

PHIZ KALIFA posted:

the mouth has no checksum, meaning you can eat a lot of stuff that isn't food. normally you're limited by mouth diameter but modders in the Vore community are likely to fix that shortly

# ? Jul 8, 2019 05:28

Randy Travesty: PHANTOM QUEEN

PHIZ KALIFA posted:

possible to upgrade yourself to Dead much faster if you immediately resleep after completing every Sleep Cycle. easier if u have the Depression condition. if you didnt spawn with it it can be aquired in game by Reading The NEws

gently caress yes I'm about to resleep myself into ghost mode so I can haunt the gas station snack aisle

# ? Jul 8, 2019 08:32

canyoneer: I only have canyoneyes for you

PHIZ KALIFA posted:

possible to upgrade yourself to Dead much faster if you immediately resleep after completing every Sleep Cycle. easier if u have the Depression condition. if you didnt spawn with it it can be aquired in game by Reading The NEws

Depression condition also keeps your character at home, so you spend less time on loading screens and have to do laundry much less often

# ? Jul 8, 2019 17:08

PHIZ KALIFA: #mood

folks used to swear by the Kramer method (stack Dirty Dish inventory items in shower area to autowash) but i find its actually easier to just have your navi survive on nothing but bagged pudding

crimes

# ? Jul 8, 2019 17:49

PHIZ KALIFA: #mood

increase your Personal Space bubble to reduce Anxiety by t-posing in public transit while the soviet national anthem plays from your phone speaker. if you jump as the bus crosses zones you'll clip out of the back and land without having to pay the fare.

crimes

# ? Jul 8, 2019 17:51

PHIZ KALIFA: #mood

slamming the box of kraft mac n cheese into my face such that my teeth rip a hole in the cardboard, spraying uncooked pasta and yellow powder around my harry potter rear end understairs wack-shack

crimes

# ? Jul 8, 2019 17:55

PHIZ KALIFA: #mood

South Parking (cramming food up your rear end to save time on chewing) now regarded as a dead science. all true speedrunners now swear by Boofing Soylent (AKA Elon Muskin' It)

crimes

# ? Jul 8, 2019 17:56

PHIZ KALIFA: #mood

destroy your enemies by sending them an infinite amount of nude photos by cramming your phone into your rear end and mario-slamming your pelvis into the bottom of a drained pool

crimes

# ? Jul 8, 2019 19:21

ulvir

in the japanese version what you do is syncing your dish usage rate with the calendar in such a way that the day monsoon season hit you've just spent your last plates, cutlery, etc. and you just leave it all out in the backyard and everything gets cleaned at the same time, this route makes resources management extremely efficient, however this is obvs not an any% strat

# ? Jul 8, 2019 20:06

Randy Travesty: PHANTOM QUEEN

PHIZ KALIFA posted:

increase your Personal Space bubble to reduce Anxiety by t-posing in public transit while the soviet national anthem plays from your phone speaker. if you jump as the bus crosses zones you'll clip out of the back and land without having to pay the fare.

# ? Jul 9, 2019 00:01

Randy Travesty: PHANTOM QUEEN

PHIZ KALIFA posted:

destroy your enemies by sending them an infinite amount of nude photos by cramming your phone into your rear end and mario-slamming your pelvis into the bottom of a drained pool

# ? Jul 9, 2019 00:02

PHIZ KALIFA: #mood

1) open the mod toolkit (power saw)
2) unhook the pig's outer mesh from it's insides
3) replace insides with All the weed, forever
4) pigroast as usual
5) vapor of cooking pig vapes the weed, making the pig a vapor blunt.
6) enjoy.

(apologies to Matisyahu, Jah bless)

crimes

# ? Jul 9, 2019 05:23

PHIZ KALIFA: #mood

ulvir posted:

in the japanese version what you do is syncing your dish usage rate with the calendar in such a way that the day monsoon season hit you've just spent your last plates, cutlery, etc. and you just leave it all out in the backyard and everything gets cleaned at the same time, this route makes resources management extremely efficient, however this is obvs not an any% strat

the japanese get the ability to reroll failed Social checks via their cultural Rashomon jutsu.

crimes

# ? Jul 9, 2019 05:24

Android Blues

PHIZ KALIFA posted:

picking up an entire loaf of unsliced bread and slamming it through a jar of peanut butter, a pile of fully plated sandwiches grows beneath my table. the cat attempts to run off but fails to clip successfully through the sliding glass door.

The Clowner posted:

If we skip the "get the mail" chore for 3 weeks, the mailbox will overflow on the 22nd day at 12 noon. We don't have that kind of time so we're going to speed this up by grabbing 256 parcels of mail from other mailboxes in the neighborhood and stuffing it in there, which will cause the overflow immediately. Now, the data for the contents of the mailbox are stored next to the count of dogs in the neighborhood. So when the mail box overflows, the doggie count ticks up by 1, which immediately spawns a copy of the last dog loaded into memory—and it's non-hostile since we didn't spec into the mailman class. What this means is that we can effectively spawn ourselves as many allied dogs as we want as long as we have access to 256 pieces of mail at a time. This is where the People Magazine subscription exploit comes in.

# ? Jul 9, 2019 10:35

ulvir

PHIZ KALIFA posted:

increase your Personal Space bubble to reduce Anxiety by t-posing in public transit while the soviet national anthem plays from your phone speaker. if you jump as the bus crosses zones you'll clip out of the back and land without having to pay the fare.

PHIZ KALIFA posted:

the japanese get the ability to reroll failed Social checks via their cultural Rashomon jutsu.

# ? Jul 9, 2019 11:17

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# ? Apr 24, 2024 23:06

Android Blues

by feeding parts of your character model through the garbage disposal, you can "low profile" your way into the hatch on the side of the recycling van. this is why we stopped off at the Safeway early in the run and spent that time rerolling vendor inventory until we got a tarp and 3xcanned soup. normally the recycling plant zone isn't accessible to players unless you do a long sidequest to seek employment there, but we can simply exit the hatch directly into the churning heaps of metal-chewed plastic and, what do you know, we're out of bounds.

now we just camp with the tarp, which allows us to sleep here, and we can process recycling far more quickly than if we had to wait for the van each day. we don't even need to use our own recycling - simply processing what's here will count. this allows us to max out our chore index incredibly early in the run. for 100% completion, you can abuse the infinite soup glitch by pouring half a can of soup into the other cans and daisy-chaining them, but we don't need that for Any%, so we'll just die after running out of soup on day 3

# ? Jul 9, 2019 11:37

The Something Awful Forums > Main > BYOB: BYOB BYOB BOYB BBOY YOBB YBOB BBYO?? > tool assisted speedrunning: house chores

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