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Shame Boy posted:That whole "birds will reject their own children if they have even the slightest hint of not-bird smell" thing is a complete myth fyi, animals are dumb but they're not that dumb. Oh yeah sure bird scientist let me know when someone with a REAL job weighs in here Doctor Birds *makes huge jackoff motion*
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Jul 12, 2019 12:50
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Professor Shark posted:lol my driveway is over 100' long, I ain't paving poo poo. I have gravel that I'm putting down, mostly in the ruts, but I live in Canada and our winters just gently caress ground up for no reason, so a long paved driveway wouldn't work. Sup long lovely driveway buddy, the house I grew up in was like that. Protip: if you have a cat you can fill the potholes with old clumping kitty litter when you change it out for fresh stuff, over time water causes it to compact and fuse together and harden
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Jul 12, 2019 14:17
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Free eggs, dude. Make yourself an omelet. What's the issue?
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Jul 12, 2019 15:26
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Shame Boy posted:Sup long lovely driveway buddy, the house I grew up in was like that. Protip: if you have a cat you can fill the potholes with old clumping kitty litter when you change it out for fresh stuff, over time water causes it to compact and fuse together and harden Is this one of those 'if it sounds dumb but it works is it really dumb?' things?
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Jul 12, 2019 15:35
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It works but the city hates it and will change your address officially to 'Casa Mierda, Catshit Avenue'
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Jul 12, 2019 15:40
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 leave a copy of this by the nest op
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Jul 12, 2019 15:55
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Is this a moron bird who needs help or a moron who needs help helping a bird or are you trying to get some morons to help you with a bird? I'm guessing all of the above.
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Jul 12, 2019 16:19
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Chomp8645 posted:This bird has failed to learn from thousands of years of bird development. Evolution has failed this bird. It is too stupid to place its nest out of reach from predators, and does not deserve to pass on its genes. Trying to explain to my coworkers why I'm laughing uncontrollably.
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Jul 12, 2019 16:21
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i've noticed robins building ground nests around my yard which is really dumb and bad for them because as of like a week ago i have a dog, i couldn't figure out why they were doing it until i was outside at exactly the right time to see horrifying swarms of like a dozen loving blue jays screaming and taking over literally every tree in the yard except the mulberry one in the far back - and then that night i saw the mulberry tree was loving full of racoons so yeah there's probably some severe ecological pressure if they're building on the ground, blue jays will gently caress other birds's nests right the hell up (they're corvids like crows so they're really smart but they're also huge assholes, even as far as other birds, which says a lot) and i'm pretty sure raccoons'll eat eggs right from nests too
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Jul 12, 2019 16:27
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Outrail posted:Is this one of those 'if it sounds dumb but it works is it really dumb?' things? I mean my dad's the one that thought up the idea and did it / made us do it so... Yeah it's still dumb. Icochet posted:It works but the city hates it and will change your address officially to 'Casa Mierda, Catshit Avenue' The "census designated place" I grew up in has repeatedly voted not to incorporate as a city (to its constant detriment) so nobody will ever stop us 
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Jul 12, 2019 16:43
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food court bailiff posted:i've noticed robins building ground nests around my yard which is really dumb and bad for them because as of like a week ago i have a dog, i couldn't figure out why they were doing it until i was outside at exactly the right time to see horrifying swarms of like a dozen loving blue jays screaming and taking over literally every tree in the yard except the mulberry one in the far back - and then that night i saw the mulberry tree was loving full of racoons Once I saw a crow being swooped and attacked by a mockingbird and watched it for a while and it hopped up into a bush and found a nest and stole an egg, then hopped away with it while the mockingbird was frantically flapping and screeching in a panic, and I just stood there and watched like a monster 
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Jul 12, 2019 16:47
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The other day I looked out of my office window where there was a mother duck taking her ducklings for their first swim and then glanced slightly up to see a crow perched on a ledge above watching them. I've never seen such a perfect tableau of looming tragedy.
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Jul 12, 2019 18:15
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moron bird help
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Jul 12, 2019 18:20
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Have trouble laugh? Moron bird help. 
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Jul 12, 2019 18:22
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Shame Boy posted:I mean my dad's the one that thought up the idea and did it / made us do it so... Oh hey hold up there partner. If it's a dumb dad idea it has my unconditional respect. Is there a dumb dad ideas that work thread?
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Jul 12, 2019 18:23
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Legal Trouble? Foreign DUI Again? Ex Bird Wife steal egg? Moron Bird Help. Yell 866-LAW-BIRD
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Jul 12, 2019 18:23
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Big Beef City posted:Legal Trouble? Call J.G. Songbird! 877 NEST-NOW 877 NEST-NOW It's my birdhouse and I want it now!!!
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Jul 12, 2019 18:37
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Can you abduct another bird and put it on your driveway? I'm kinda invested in this thread now
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Jul 12, 2019 18:37
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Dude. He just wants you to go to church and give the church money. Just tell him and his buddy that you're not interested because you're gay and you only believe in science. Or just join up and meet a sweet church lady that wants lots of kids and you can have lots of shameful sex.
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Jul 12, 2019 18:58
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Chomp8645 posted:Call J.G. Songbird!
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Jul 12, 2019 20:05
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never talk to me or my moron bird again
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Jul 12, 2019 20:08
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try stapling a wikihow article to the ground nest so that idiot bird will realize he's been doing it wrong this entire time. he'll feel like such an idiot but it has to happen at some point.
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Jul 12, 2019 20:13
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I can help you
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Jul 12, 2019 20:13
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bird with big dick posted:I can help you i guarantee this is the bird in OPs story. i can't imagine a more alpha move than building your nest under a damned car, forcing weak home-owners to move the nest themselves because they're hindered by sympathy.
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Jul 12, 2019 20:15
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Serious question: Is the bird on drugs? Or has it spent a lot of time around a toxic waste dump? Either of those things could affect it’s decision making skills wrt where to build nests. 
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Jul 12, 2019 20:48
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Big Beef City posted:Legal Trouble? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qcderLXiwa8
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Jul 12, 2019 20:51
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I. M. Gei posted:Serious question: Is the bird on drugs? Or has it spent a lot of time around a toxic waste dump? Dosing birds with LSD sounds like a hilariously cruel jape. Also cats and chimps. I'm glad I'm not 60s scientist because I'd definitely do that sort of thing if I didn't have a conscience or ethical committee oversight.
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Jul 18, 2019 05:22
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OP have you considered making a deal with the birds and harvesting their eggs in exchange for food and protection from predators?
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Jul 18, 2019 05:42
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Big Beef City posted:Legal Trouble?
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Jul 18, 2019 08:00
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The local turkey bird here has been building a cubic metre sized mound and has a harem of 4-5 other birds he roots. He comes into my kitchen when I'm not looking and steals poo poo
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Jul 18, 2019 10:00
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you're doomed to constantly encounter time-unbound reincarnations of yourself op statistically speaking you've killed yourself on the road several many times, this goes for all of you
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Jul 18, 2019 10:05
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Jestery posted:The local turkey bird here has been building a cubic metre sized mound and has a harem of 4-5 other birds he roots. hahah, classic turkey antics
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Jul 18, 2019 10:06
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slaw bird he comin
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Jul 18, 2019 10:09
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Good Ol Filbert posted:hahah, classic turkey antics Never has there been a goonier bird
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Jul 18, 2019 12:33
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Jestery posted:Never has there been a goonier bird I love him so much
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Jul 18, 2019 12:55
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Time bound reincarnations of myself eh? Well if those jerks didn't break the cycle and become enlightened maybe they deserve to die, the worthless slobs!
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Jul 18, 2019 14:34
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Just when you think the bird is gone it comes back. Moron Phoenix Help
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Jul 18, 2019 15:05
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Our neighbor has a family of hawks in their tree. One of the adults was on the roof and a mockingbird was dive bombing it, like a moron. Hawk was like 
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Jul 18, 2019 16:02
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I lived on an island for a year that was home to a lot of endangered ground nesting birds. Since ships came through, there was eventually a rat problem. The British governor's genius solution was to bring in cats that would eat the rats. The cats immediately realized the defenseless baby birds were a wayyyy easier meal and the Brits frantically tried to kill the cats AND rats. It's a wonder these people ever had an empire.
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Jul 18, 2019 17:35
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It's the Groverhaus of bird nests op, unfortunately no amount of constructive berating will change its behavior
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Jul 18, 2019 17:39
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