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teen witch
Oct 9, 2012




Clitch posted:

I don't know where I heard it. Maybe here, but the saying goes: If you've lost an arm, and you meet someone who's lost both arms, you're still missing an arm.

Even if you found it on a laffy taffy wrapper, that statement is going into the ol mental Rolodex. It explains something (unrelated) I couldnít explain before

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Picnic Princess
Feb 9, 2008

I was under direct orders not to die




Indeed. I often implore people to vent to me because I know it would be cathartic for them, but they usually just end up apologizing because they know I've had it worse. That they don't deserve to complain. And I keep arguing that no, your pain is completely valid too. It's not a competition. You and I both knew beforehand how lovely my life was and I still encouraged you to whine about your situation, so seriously, don't feel bad for bitching. It helps and I'm more than willing to listen.

Lieutenant Dan
Oct 27, 2009

Weedlord Bonerhitler


It's absolutely not a competition, bad poo poo happening to someone else doesn't mean it didn't happen to you, too!

Anyone in this thread end up watching F is for Family? In the most recent season, the main character's abusive dad drops in by surprise, and the abuser puts on this super nice face to his grandkids, and the dad is going apoplectic because grandpa was an abusive shithead to him and is acting like nothing ever happened. Only at the end of the season do the kids realize what a "cycle of abuse" is and how lovely grandpa really is, and the dad realizes he's been unconciously adapting some of lovely grandpa's behaviors. It's a nice season.

Laminar
Dec 11, 2006



Rat Patrol posted:

I've heard other people phrase it as a safety thing, if that helps. "We don't see them because they are not nice, and it is not safe to spend time with them." That way they get a sense that it's not just you avoiding the question, but also a matter of you looking out for them, too.

This is the path I think I'm going to go down I think. Appreciate it. I'll let the thread know how it goes.

ohnobugs
Feb 22, 2003




Lieutenant Dan posted:

It's absolutely not a competition, bad poo poo happening to someone else doesn't mean it didn't happen to you, too!

This 1,000%.

nishi koichi
Feb 16, 2007

everyone feels that way and gives up.
that's how they get away with it.


Lieutenant Dan posted:

It's absolutely not a competition, bad poo poo happening to someone else doesn't mean it didn't happen to you, too!

life is killing me
Oct 28, 2007



Today I probably went into more detail on my childhood with my dad than any psychiatrist really wants to hear. This was after going over it with my counselor the past year. Thanks, Dad

HungryMedusa
Apr 27, 2003



I am so scared to call/text/or even see my family members post on social media right now. I grew up near where Daunte Wright was murdered and I can not even fathom hearing my family members' hot takes on it. I heard enough about George Floyd from them last year and it makes me sick.

I have had friends text me asking if my family is OK and I don't know how to respond. I feel so sad and super loving mad right now, but also amazingly guilty I have not called my family who live near the "unrest"

I have had some false starts on therapy a few times this past year but I get so guilted by how bad I would make some of my family members seem. I don't know what to do. I know I should value my mental health over my family and their bullshit but I feel guilty for telling anyone how awful they are.

Bonus guilt - my relatives have been in and out of the hospital so they are super confused why I don't want to call to check in with them. They interpret my silence as me not caring, but I just can not mentally handle it.

HungryMedusa fucked around with this message at 02:47 on Apr 18, 2021

eSporks
Jun 10, 2011



HungryMedusa posted:

I have had some false starts on therapy a few times this past year but I get so guilted by how bad I would make some of my family members seem.
I had and still have that experience.
Just remember that you are allowed to feel something, and if someone makes you feel lovely, then their behavior is not acceptable.

I'm struggling with my own poo poo though. I'm realizing how much my family dynamic has broken me. I try to people please everyone in my life by avoiding conflict until I can't handle it anymore. Leaves me always wondering "am I the rear end in a top hat?" When I try push back on boundaries I should have established sooner.

Drimble Wedge
Mar 10, 2008

Self-contained



Pope Corky the IX posted:

Anyone have that parent that actually enjoyed hearing about certain bad news in your life?

Way back in 2000 when I was seventeen in high school a friend of mine was going through a bunch of medical issues including a kidney transplant. At some point he decided that he wanted to withdraw to deal with stuff and sent emails to several friends (including me) seemingly at random to tell them he wouldnít be in touch anymore. It hurt, but I understood and respected his decision. However, for the next twelve years until I cut contact (at age twenty-nine) my father would bring up this friend in almost every conversation. ďWhatever happened to ___? Itís a shame you guys arenít friends anymore. Seriously, what did you do to him? Was it because of the time you did this? You should call him. Are you inviting ____ to your wedding?Ē No matter what we were talking about, how many friends I had, how much time had passed, he would mention it loving constantly, and always in a way that insinuated I did something wrong.

One day when I was about 19, my mother called me while I was working at my part-time retail job.

In the most sepulchral tones imaginable she said, "Drimble. [beat] Your father is in the hospital."

Naturally I freak out and demand to know more, which she doles out in the slowest, most ghoulish way imaginable, till I get the whole story. Turns out my dad was out driving and got rear-ended; he had to go to the hospital to get checked out, and wound up with a neck injury/whiplash which was bad enough, certainly, but not the carnage or life-threatening emergency she had prepped me to expect.

Later I was ranting to my sister about the overly dramatic, traumatizing way she had done this and she agreed that our mother absolutely relished the chance to drop a big dramabomb on her youngest kid. She didn't give a single gently caress about what it must have been like to get a phone call like that.

progressive tacos
Apr 4, 2007

Oh man look at this awesome beedog

An estranged parent just found out that their estranged son changed his last name and his children's last names to his wife's last name. This entire thread is just...something else. Posting the initial post and the OPs replies. (note: removed screennames but left in the site founder's name)

quote:

I have just been told by a relative that my ES has changed his family name and his childrenís family name to that of his wifeís.

I am devastated that my ES would erase me and our family in this way, and deny his own children such a core part of their identity. Where are they childrenís rights in all of this? Yet again they are being used as pawns.

Has this happened to anyone else? What are my options?


quote:

Thank you both, I feel like no one can understand what I am going through.

I canít get any legal advice until Monday, but I expect my lawyer will tell me I canít do anything about it. The relative who told me acted like they hadnít meant to. They said it had been sworn to secrecy so that I would be denied a chance to object before the change went through. I donít know if thatís right though, or if the opportunity has passed.

It feels like a targeted knife in the heart. When they got engaged DiL announced she would not be changing her name, and we had many serious talks about how much our name means to me. Eventually we compromised and agreed that the children would have my family name. They know exactly what this means to me and for them to go to all the effort of depriving me of this is deliberate and cruel. Furthermore they named one of the children after Her grandmother and when I pointed out none of the children had a Christian name from our side of the family she told me that in her mind them having our the family name made up for this.

Sorry for the ramble, but they know exactly what they are doing.

My relative also told me that they are thinking about selling their house.

I canít believe my own son would do this to us. My wife is deeply distressed and I feel powerless.

quote:

Thank you _____, you are right I felt constantly negated by DiL. We did our best to include her in the family but she seemed to go out of her way to reject our traditions in favour of her own like it was a powerplay. Time and time again my son would side with his wife as though he had no mind of his own. She was sweet to us until she had the first baby, and then she started calling all the shots. Far from being powerless, she has a powerful job and a mindset of controlling everything.

_________, I see you understand the importance of names and telling a story about what is important. I know all cultures are different and our familyís long tradition is for the wife to take her husbandís name. I strongly believe in this, even though ES is my only son and otherwise I just have daughters. This is part of the pain, my name will not be passed on at all now, whereas before I had ES and grandchildren who would do this.

You are right, ________, it is childishness. My wife has tried to call them but they are letting her go to voicemail which is typically immature. You would think if they were proud of what they had done they would have no issue discussing it with us. Instead they deliberately tried to stop us from even finding out they had done it, to the point of telling other family members to hide it from us. I can see that deep down even ES feels shame over this.

I meant to thank Sheri for her response earlier. Thank you Sheri. You are right it is a clear message and I hear it loud and clear. I wish my son would just engage with me like an adult instead of sending these Ďmessagesí like canon balls from afar. I firmly believe that talking things through can help but he wont talk to me and only talks to my wife when it suits him and never about anything of consequence.

Once again, my son is not content to cut me off, he continues to hurt me from afar. He has thrown another wedge in my family and even made my daughters angry at me over HIS choice.

I am sorry to once again to come to this forum upset and in a state of confusion. I hope to one day post with peace and happiness like so many of you.

It's crazy how so many of these people act like changing a last name is literally child abuse.

nishi koichi
Feb 16, 2007

everyone feels that way and gives up.
that's how they get away with it.


oh, to be a fly on the wall in that law office

Uncle Enzo
Apr 28, 2008

I always wanted to be a Wizard

This thing they did without telling me, in secrecy with people told not to tell me? It was to send me a message!

Pope Corky the IX
Dec 18, 2006

What are you looking at?

My father lost his loving mind when I told him my ex-wife and I were hyphenating our last names rather than she taking mine. Jokeís on him though, I took my current spouseís last name entirely when we got married.

Classic Comrade
Dec 24, 2012

(hair tousled from head shaking during speeches)


lmao at them talking about "children's rights" when they certainly allowed as little autonomy for their own children as they could

Pope Corky the IX
Dec 18, 2006

What are you looking at?

What about the childrenís rights to only have my familyís last name?

kissekatt
Apr 20, 2005

I have tasted the fruit.



progressive tacos posted:

An estranged parent just found out that their estranged son changed his last name and his children's last names to his wife's last name. This entire thread is just...something else. Posting the initial post and the OPs replies. (note: removed screennames but left in the site founder's name)


It's crazy how so many of these people act like changing a last name is literally child abuse.
That parent is the same parent who posted this in February, which I thought we had discussed/mocked in this thread but I couldn't find it (I might have mixed it up with the r/relationships-thread):

OP posted:

Has anyone elses EC use family therapy as a way to gaslight and control you?

My wife and I did everything for our children. They had a happy childhood and we supported them as adults as well.

When our son got married we were happy, even though he immediately started spending less time with us on the weekends. This only got worse when his first child was born. We wanted to help with the baby, but he and his wife kept telling us what to do, picking on every little thing. His wife was paranoid and hysterical about germs and kept nagging us about washing our hands and not holding the baby if we had so much as a cold. Germs are good for immunity! She thought she knew everything and wouldnít listen to evidence. It broke our heart to see them trying to raise our grandson in a bubble. But we put up with it because we love our grandson.

We also could tell that our daughter in law preferred her parents to us. She would go and see them during the week, whereas we always had to come to her. When we came to their home, the kitchen was often messy and there would be laundry in the living room, even if we had told her we were coming over Ė it was disrespectful and always made us feel unwelcome. We told our son this and it continued anyway.

It broke our heart to see our son married to a controlling woman. She is also mentally ill, and has seen doctors with post natal anxiety. Even though her decision making is clearly impaired by disease, my son still listens to her instead of his own parents.

When our daughter in law returned to work, they hired a nanny without even asking us whether we wanted to look after the baby. When we asked about it, they said they wanted a nanny because we Ďdonít follow their instructionsí and werent up to date on safety things like sleeping. This is a lie Ė we followed as much of their instructions as we could. Our son was letting his wifeís mental illness control our whole family and keep us from our grandchild.

It broke our hearts to be rejected like that. We screamed and cried. I was so distressed, I fell to the floor, sobbing. They didnt care. My wife cried every night for months, she didnt get any sleep. My son didnt care.

They Ďapologisedí but apologies are hollow without change Ė they refused to change their childcare arrangements to enable us to have a good relationship with our grandson.

At this point, my daughter in law (who has been in therapy with no improvements for years!) suggested that we all go to therapy. This was just a means of controlling us. I knew that if they didnt care how much they hurt us, therapy was bound to fail and was just an attempt to manipulate us. It was clear that they had planned to shut us out.

I did some research on grandparents who attained visitation rights over their grandchildren and went to see a lawyer. They told me that bringing a court application would harm my relationship with my son Ė I was between a rock and a hard place! I had no rights at all. They also said that I was unlikely to do well in court while the parents were offering counselling. I suspect this is why they offered it to begin with.

Over the next few months, we met many times- at every meeting I told my son how sad were were. Often I was crying. I couldnt believe he would throw his own parents away like this. He was so cold and uncaring. His wife would barely speak to us and refused to be alone with us since Iíd once yelled at her in a fit of emotion. The relationship was toxic and I realised I had to give up on my son and focus on my grandchild.

I made a court application for shared custody. My son told me via his lawyer to never speak to him again. The court suggested counselling, but after a year of pretending to want counselling, my son refused to follow the courtís advice to go to counselling. he said in court that he was done with us.

We received no legal rights in court. The court is so biased against grandparents, it is incredibly unfair. I am still glad I tried, because when my grandson seeks me out I will be able to tell him that I did everything I could to be a part of his life.
To be fair to that forum, most replies in both those threads are actually relatively critical of him - some sugar-coating it, a few even being forthright and blunt. He also posted this thread:

OP posted:

Iíve been reading so many posts on here and realising that I am at the beginning of a journey, that so many of you have taken and continue to take.

Something that many have said, and which I resonate with, is not understanding why your child has estranged from you. How can I ever fix it or even make peace with it, when I donít even know what I have done wrong? Everything I have tried to fix the relationship is thrown in my face. And yet my son claims he loves me and is pained to break ties with me.

So I was wondering, does anyone here know precisely why they have been case aside? Have you been given reasons?

If not, do you, as I do, spend hours wondering? What reasons have you come up with as guesses?

Walking away is bad enough, but to not even tell us why seems so cruel.
Yes, why would people cut contact with a person who has a falling-to-floor-sobbing-meltdown over the fact that you hired a nanny and then tried to sue for custody of your children?

life is killing me
Oct 28, 2007



God itís all about him and his feelings. He hasnít once asked why his son might do this; itís all focused on his son being cold and uncaring and how that makes him feel.

But, in addition to seemingly lacking the capability to ask themselves, ďwhat if Iím wrong?Ē they also lack the capability to listen to their children when they are told why exactly all of this might be happening.

trickybiscuits
Jan 13, 2008

yospos


progressive tacos posted:

quote:

I canít get any legal advice until Monday, but I expect my lawyer will tell me I canít do anything about it. The relative who told me acted like they hadnít meant to. They said it had been sworn to secrecy so that I would be denied a chance to object before the change went through. I donít know if thatís right though, or if the opportunity has passed.
I looked up whether objecting to a name change is even a thing. It's something you can do, but the only possible grounds would be a parent/guardian objecting to the other parent/guardian changing the name of a minor child. That's it. This person literally thinks they are the parents of their son's children.

life is killing me posted:

God itís all about him and his feelings. He hasnít once asked why his son might do this; itís all focused on his son being cold and uncaring and how that makes him feel.

But, in addition to seemingly lacking the capability to ask themselves, ďwhat if Iím wrong?Ē they also lack the capability to listen to their children when they are told why exactly all of this might be happening.

A recurring theme with estranged parents is like this total inability to understand that other people have their own independent emotions. Like, they'll say that they know this, but then their actions and words show that they genuinely think that everything their estranged children do is centered around them. Sure, they'll say that they understand it, but then they'll say something that shows that they literally cannot see anything but their own emotions.

I also loved the line about "Time and time again my son would side with his wife as though he had no mind of his own." It's like dude, maybe he married this woman because HE AGREES WITH HER. Maybe she gets a say in your son's child's upbringing because SHE IS ALSO THAT CHILD'S PARENT AND THEREFORE HAS THE RIGHT TO. But nope, clearly his son is supposed to side unthinkingly with his father instead of with the woman he chose to spend his life with.



Here's a comment by the same person in another conversation.

quote:

I had a similar experience. My ES collapsed at work and was taken for tests in an ambulance. A well meaning relative told me at the time, but what could I do? I called the likely hospitals in the area but they would not confirm if he was a patient. It was deeply traumatic.

The Ďwell meaningí relative gave me no further details. Happy to have upset me I suppose.

Picnic Princess
Feb 9, 2008

I was under direct orders not to die




trickybiscuits posted:

I looked up whether objecting to a name change is even a thing. It's something you can do, but the only possible grounds would be a parent/guardian objecting to the other parent/guardian changing the name of a minor child. That's it. This person literally thinks they are the parents of their son's children.


A recurring theme with estranged parents is like this total inability to understand that other people have their own independent emotions. Like, they'll say that they know this, but then their actions and words show that they genuinely think that everything their estranged children do is centered around them. Sure, they'll say that they understand it, but then they'll say something that shows that they literally cannot see anything but their own emotions.

I also loved the line about "Time and time again my son would side with his wife as though he had no mind of his own." It's like dude, maybe he married this woman because HE AGREES WITH HER. Maybe she gets a say in your son's child's upbringing because SHE IS ALSO THAT CHILD'S PARENT AND THEREFORE HAS THE RIGHT TO. But nope, clearly his son is supposed to side unthinkingly with his father instead of with the woman he chose to spend his life with.



Here's a comment by the same person in another conversation.

In my case, I realized that I was surrounded by lovely people after meeting someone who wasn't, and I realized I could have a better life and better relationships than what I was forced into as a child. They have been so goddamn bitter about how I care more about my partner than my own family. Like yeah, no poo poo, I grew up and found a husband and he is the priority of my life, it's called being loving normal. Especially because he treats me like a human being worthy of dignity. Of course I'm going to be on "his side".

ElHuevoGrande
May 21, 2006

Oh. . .

So my parents don't chase me like the idiots posted here. I was afraid they would when I started a slow fade, but nope. Tortured me for years and years when I was under their control, are still very lovely when I have to see them, but other than that they seem to have accepted it. Didn't care enough to keep food in the house when we were kids back then, don't care that 4 out of 5 of their kids have largely ghosted them now. My mom would dig for intel on my siblings when I called, but stopping the calls has taken care of that. On the one hand, I'm intensely grateful that I don't have to deal with the usual estranged parent nonsense and have siblings that have my back, but on there other hand, kind of gross to get hard confirmation that they never cared about me and still don't. I'm not sure what I think about that.

BrigadierSensible
Feb 16, 2012

I've got a pocket full of cheese, and a garden full of trees.

Something I have noticed in these recent ones, (and in ones from the past), that involve grandchildren.

The Estranged Grandparents don't ever describe the grandchildren. We hear nothing about their personality, their wants, their needs, or stuff that they like etc. The grandkids are just things. Things that they feel a right to own and/or show off.

So when the parents put the needs/wants/likes etc. of this grandchildren above the Grandparents entitlement to own them, they chuck a fit.

Clitch
Feb 26, 2002

I lived through
Donald Trump's presidency
and all I got was
this lousy virus


"I want to reunite with the estranged grandfather who tried to take me away from my loving parents." - Nobody

The Patriarch Delusion is powerful and real.

trickybiscuits
Jan 13, 2008

yospos


BrigadierSensible posted:

Something I have noticed in these recent ones, (and in ones from the past), that involve grandchildren.

The Estranged Grandparents don't ever describe the grandchildren. We hear nothing about their personality, their wants, their needs, or stuff that they like etc. The grandkids are just things. Things that they feel a right to own and/or show off.

So when the parents put the needs/wants/likes etc. of this grandchildren above the Grandparents entitlement to own them, they chuck a fit.
A while back there was some grandparent talking about getting to see their grandson again after their daughter prevented them and literally the only thing this kid had ever done that they approved of was be worshipful of his grandfather. This lady resented her daughter for not letting her see this boy and resented her daughter for "insisting" that the little boy spend an overnight with his grandparents once a month. Kid was spoiled, obnoxious, belligerent, and had never learned to entertain himself (in a house with no toys or other children), as well as not fawning all over his grandfather after a year of not seeing him. This lady just loving hated this poor kid for not being the right kind of child who would sit down, shut up, worship you, and never make any demands.

The parents forum also can't figure out its view on baby-sitting. Some people are livid when they're not allowed to basically raise a grandchild, some are resentful of feeling expected to babysit yet are somehow incapable of saying it won't work for them.

I would blow Dane Cook
Dec 26, 2008


I haven't followed this thread, but does the Meghan Markle/ Prince Harry saga match the estranged parents pattern?

ohnobugs
Feb 22, 2003




I would blow Dane Cook posted:

I haven't followed this thread, but does the Meghan Markle/ Prince Harry saga match the estranged parents pattern?

You want page 136.

Sisal Two-Step
May 29, 2006

mom without jaw
dad without wife


kissekatt posted:

That parent is the same parent who posted this in February, which I thought we had discussed/mocked in this thread but I couldn't find it (I might have mixed it up with the r/relationships-thread):

quote:

When our son got married we were happy, even though he immediately started spending less time with us on the weekends. This only got worse when his first child was born. We wanted to help with the baby, but he and his wife kept telling us what to do, picking on every little thing. His wife was paranoid and hysterical about germs and kept nagging us about washing our hands and not holding the baby if we had so much as a cold. Germs are good for immunity! She thought she knew everything and wouldnít listen to evidence. It broke our heart to see them trying to raise our grandson in a bubble. But we put up with it because we love our grandson.

We also could tell that our daughter in law preferred her parents to us.

This is unbelievable. Every line is funnier than the one that came before it. Their list of outrages (son doesn't spend time with us after small infant he is responsible for keeping alive is introduced into his life, both son and the other person responsible for the helpless infant are 'picky' about how said infant is treated and handled) is so loving funny.

Also the obvious jealousy that the wife prefers her own parents to these ding dongs.

BrigadierSensible posted:

Something I have noticed in these recent ones, (and in ones from the past), that involve grandchildren.

The Estranged Grandparents don't ever describe the grandchildren. We hear nothing about their personality, their wants, their needs, or stuff that they like etc. The grandkids are just things. Things that they feel a right to own and/or show off.

So when the parents put the needs/wants/likes etc. of this grandchildren above the Grandparents entitlement to own them, they chuck a fit.

quote:

I am devastated that my ES would erase me and our family in this way, and deny his own children such a core part of their identity. Where are they childrenís rights in all of this? Yet again they are being used as pawns.

Biplane
Jul 18, 2005



Lol that a core part of the kids' identities is supposed to be their grandfathers last name. Lmao

April
Jul 3, 2006




Biplane posted:

Lol that a core part of the kids' identities is supposed to be their grandfathers last name. Lmao

A last name is a VERY BIG IMPORTANT THING that will carry massive significance for an individual and all of their progeny for multiple generations to come.*

*Unless you're a vagina-haver. Then you have no rights to your own name.

trickybiscuits
Jan 13, 2008

yospos


Picnic Princess posted:

In my case, I realized that I was surrounded by lovely people after meeting someone who wasn't, and I realized I could have a better life and better relationships than what I was forced into as a child.
This is so heartening. We're the products of our environments, but environments can change drastically, and we can learn from the good ones. We can make our own environments!

RoboRodent
Sep 19, 2012



Personally, I like the offense that their daughter in law likes her parents more than she likes them.

Haifisch
Nov 12, 2010

Objection! I object! That was... objectionable!



Taco Defender

When the entire world is supposed to revolve around you(according to your broken brain), there's no amount of logic or sense that can justify people not making you the #1 thing in your life all the time.

Sisal Two-Step
May 29, 2006

mom without jaw
dad without wife


April posted:

A last name is a VERY BIG IMPORTANT THING that will carry massive significance for an individual and all of their progeny for multiple generations to come.*

*Unless you're a vagina-haver. Then you have no rights to your own name.

I really enjoyed the post where he talked about how he sat them both down and explained how important his last name was to him... as though the wife's last name wasn't important to her?

skooma512
Feb 8, 2012

You couldn't grok my race car, but you dug the roadside blur.


April posted:

A last name is a VERY BIG IMPORTANT THING that will carry massive significance for an individual and all of their progeny for multiple generations to come.*

*Unless you're a vagina-haver. Then you have no rights to your own name.

My dad goes on about the last name thing too.


Like dude, we have a very common Chinese surname. It's not going anywhere and nobody gives a gently caress about us or our name anyway.

Biplane
Jul 18, 2005



Both mine and my ex's last names are extremely unique, and my son has both. I hope his children will end up with four, theirs with eight, etc.

Dienes
Nov 4, 2009

dee
doot doot dee
doot doot doot
doot doot dee
dee doot doot
doot doot dee
dee doot doot



College Slice

Sisal Two-Step posted:

I really enjoyed the post where he talked about how he sat them both down and explained how important his last name was to him... as though the wife's last name wasn't important to her?

You see, a woman subsumes her identity within the man's when a hetero couple gets married. If she doesn't, she doesn't really love him, and if he takes her name - like a woman - it is just unnatural and wrong, because rabid internalized sexism seems to be a boomer parent requirement. Just like how your purpose as a woman is to pump out grandbabies for them and play nursemaid as they get older.

They don't see it as important to her as it isn't (she isn't) important to them. Then they wonder why she doesn't like them.

Pope Corky the IX
Dec 18, 2006

What are you looking at?

It's the same kind of poo poo when it comes to the holidays. Anything fair or rational (alternate Thanksgiving every year, Christmas Eve with one family and Day with the other, etc) will immediately be seen as abandoning his own parents.

Sanguinary Novel
Jan 27, 2009


MY IMMORTALITY!!

Sisal Two-Step
May 29, 2006

mom without jaw
dad without wife


Biplane posted:

Both mine and my ex's last names are extremely unique, and my son has both. I hope his children will end up with four, theirs with eight, etc.
This is good and correct. Alternatively, we should all go the other way and do what Korea does and just have, like, seven basic family names. All one syllable.

Dienes posted:

You see, a woman subsumes her identity within the man's when a hetero couple gets married. If she doesn't, she doesn't really love him, and if he takes her name - like a woman - it is just unnatural and wrong, because rabid internalized sexism seems to be a boomer parent requirement. Just like how your purpose as a woman is to pump out grandbabies for them and play nursemaid as they get older.

They don't see it as important to her as it isn't (she isn't) important to them. Then they wonder why she doesn't like them.

Oh this just reminded me of the (I think) r/relationships post about the woman who cut her entire birth family off as soon as she married her husband. He didn't ask her too, she wasn't super religious, she just... decided that she was part of her husband's family now and that meant never speaking to her original family ever again.

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skooma512
Feb 8, 2012

You couldn't grok my race car, but you dug the roadside blur.


Pope Corky the IX posted:

It's the same kind of poo poo when it comes to the holidays. Anything fair or rational (alternate Thanksgiving every year, Christmas Eve with one family and Day with the other, etc) will immediately be seen as abandoning his own parents.

My dad was big mad when I went to my GF's house for thanksgiving, after my mom said she wasn't doing it, and having announced this would be the case weeks in advance, and having extended an invite to both of them to it, which was swiftly declined.

But since my mom changed her mind and decided to make a small meal for themselves that means I had to drop everything and be there instead, and the fact that I didn't mean my GF's family is now my "other family" and that I should get the gently caress out of this house.


So I got the gently caress out of that house. And then my dad spends the next two months into trying to talk me out of doing what he literally demanded at the top of his lungs I do. $1400 a month in rent plus utilities is by far the lesser evil and no matter what problems arise from living in an apartment in Van Nuys, it's still better than that. He still says I should move back

He's used to me having no friends or options on the holidays and was shocked when reality hit and that adults can't always be with their own families on every single holiday and that he can't have everything his own way.

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