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Kazak
Jan 10, 2012



This poo poo is sad. I'm witnessing something similar in my family where a cousin cut his parents out of his life full stop after a minor argument over his misbehavior at work. Everyone suspects his partner is the one encouraging this behavior but nobody knows because he's blocked everyone in the family including distant relatives and his favorite cousin (me).

Doesn't help that he's on the spectrum and never learned how to handle criticism or admit wrongdoing (my cousin, not me).

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oh dope
Nov 2, 2006

No guilt, it feeds in plain sight


My dad was a phantom for 26 years and my mom, God bless her cause no one tried harder, but let's just say she was not exactly equipped to raise children on her own. She's been dead for a while now.

I cannot relate to any of these personally, but my mother-in-law is definitely worthy. My wife can't stand her, but simply cannot bring herself to cut her out. The woman is a black hole, but I don't know how to convince my wife to move on.

Agent Burt Macklin
Jul 3, 2003

Macklin, you son of a bitch

bad posts ahead!!! posted:

it's interesting how an adult child's partner is seen as this awful, corrupting influence. almost always the partner makes them realize "holy poo poo what my abusive parent does/did is not normal and i want nothing to do with them anymore". just being around my partner's mother (who is a lovely woman) and hearing stories about what childhood was like made me understand just how loving shortchanged i was

I am very close with my family and my parents are wonderful people who were raised by wonderful people. When my husband and I first started dating and he was around them a lot, he had a hard time accepting how screwy his family actually was. He knew to a degree - but seeing how supportive my parents were was hard for him, believe it or not. Fast forward 20 years, and when he has good news he calls my mom and dad and siblings first. He got promoted awhile back and the second person he called after me was my dad. I feel so bad for him - even know years later! And now that we have kids he is determined to do everything the opposite of how his parents did.

nishi koichi
Feb 16, 2007

everyone feels that way and gives up.
that's how they get away with it.


i'm also wondering how many of these cases are parents who rejected their children because they were queer. and somehow JUST CAN'T UNDERSTAND why their kid wants nothing to do with them.

Agent Burt Macklin posted:

I am very close with my family and my parents are wonderful people who were raised by wonderful people. When my husband and I first started dating and he was around them a lot, he had a hard time accepting how screwy his family actually was. He knew to a degree - but seeing how supportive my parents were was hard for him, believe it or not.

yeah, i have a thing where i'm an awkward mess around my friends' parents. it's a weird mixture of "oh god please don't treat me like poo poo for some minor slight" and deep envy that someone could actually like, speak to, and be supported by their parents all the way into adulthood

nishi koichi fucked around with this message at 16:44 on Jul 12, 2019

fist4jesus
Nov 24, 2002


bad posts ahead!!! posted:

despite everything i've been through, on holidays when i get drunk and sentimental, i still get the desire to reconcile. it's just not possible; there's no getting through to pathological cases like that.

it gets easier as time goes on and you realize the world won't explode if you keep no contact. despite what they'd want you to believe.

Yeah I hear you. My brother inlaw and his dad are doing a month + roadtrip as I type this. Its hard not to feel just a little sad and jealous at stuff like that.

Literally A Person
May 17, 2017

dissin your fly girl


bad posts ahead!!! posted:

i'm also wondering how many of these cases are parents who rejected their children because they were queer. and somehow JUST CAN'T UNDERSTAND why their kid wants nothing to do with them.

I mean, I'm sure some but, to be frank, I would guess that most of these cases are probably somehow even more petty than that.

Shinjobi
Jul 10, 2008






Gravy Boat 2k

I cut my parents off at the pass and married someone who is way nicer, polite, and in general way more socially acceptable than I am in most settings.




......maybe I AM the fuckup.

Iron Crowned
May 6, 2003


Literally A Person posted:

I mean, I'm sure some but, to be frank, I would guess that most of these cases are probably somehow even more petty than that.

I doubt it's pettiness. A lot of parents just expect their children to remain subservient and be children no matter how far into adulthood they've gone, and it's sunk cost fallacy on their part.

Literally A Person
May 17, 2017

dissin your fly girl


Iron Crowned posted:

I doubt it's pettiness. A lot of parents just expect their children to remain subservient and be children no matter how far into adulthood they've gone, and it's sunk cost fallacy on their part.

Totally, I guess more what I meant by pettiness is the reasoning. Things like, won't get married, won't conform to my style of parenting, won't name their child X, won't loan me money, so on and so forth.

Reasons that are petty.

But yes, they are all under the supporting theme of the expectation of subservience, yes.

Barudak
May 7, 2007



Iron Crowned posted:

I doubt it's pettiness. A lot of parents just expect their children to remain subservient and be children no matter how far into adulthood they've gone, and it's sunk cost fallacy on their part.

Its this. Its not even queerness per se, its just not fitting into the plan they have for you and how you need to give your life up for them and placate all their wants and desires.

Its important these letters don't have the other part of the relationship where the come in guns hot, using every possible historical detail, law, rhetorical trick, and social relationship to humiliate, blackmail, or shame you into doing whatever they want. The letters are cool down, the editing/gaslighting phase.

Willfrey
Jul 20, 2007

Why don't the poors simply buy more money?

Fun Shoe

I was off the hook for a while but when my older bro became schizophrenic I was suddenly holder of the family namesake and was pressured to poo poo kids out in my early 20's while barely scraping by.

Fortunately being ignored as a kid made me immune to the guilt they tried to lay on me

BadSamaritan
May 2, 2008

crumb by crumb in this big black forest



It’s amazing how similar the writing styles are on most of those posts. Like it’s almost all the same voice, with only varying levels of outright rage and some formatting differences.

Barudak
May 7, 2007



BadSamaritan posted:

It’s amazing how similar the writing styles are on most of those posts. Like it’s almost all the same voice, with only varying levels of outright rage and some formatting differences.

Its why reading these can be revelatory for people who experience this because holy poo poo every single one of these could have come from my person

Iron Crowned
May 6, 2003


The telling part is they don't go into what the falling out was over, just how hurt they are that their ungrateful children married someone they didn't approve of and all of a sudden they don't want them around.

teen witch
Oct 9, 2012




Barudak posted:

Its why reading these can be revelatory for people who experience this because holy poo poo every single one of these could have come from my person

Actually, it’s why I decided to do the thread: my father most likely has NPD and this behavior is like “if Trump wasn’t name dropped, I’d sincerely believe it was him”.

In some ways it’s almost cathartic to read knowing that, oh god, there are people just as bonkers as him, and there are kids who are being portrayed as the absolute devil, just like me.

nishi koichi
Feb 16, 2007

everyone feels that way and gives up.
that's how they get away with it.


A Fancy Hat posted:

"The Warmth of the Irish People" led to this woman's daughter realizing her mother was insane.

thinking of some guy saying "yer mam is fuckin insane" in a thick brogue, and then the daughter is instantly enlightened or something makes me chuckle, a bit

Koalas March
May 21, 2007





teen witch posted:

Actually, it’s why I decided to do the thread: my father most likely has NPD and this behavior is like “if Trump wasn’t name dropped, I’d sincerely believe it was him”.

In some ways it’s almost cathartic to read knowing that, oh god, there are people just as bonkers as him, and there are kids who are being portrayed as the absolute devil, just like me.

Yeah cathartic is how I would describe it, I think.

Vonnegut Asterisk
Apr 13, 2007

Brandon, you put Pat White down this instant young man!

Koalas March posted:

Yeah cathartic is how I would describe it, I think.

Same - all of the posts in the forum sound like my parent, and it's a little helpful right now to know that I'm not the only person who made this decision.

nishi koichi
Feb 16, 2007

everyone feels that way and gives up.
that's how they get away with it.


their collective writing style is that of someone entirely ruled by their feelings (which they consider to overrule everyone else's) and a millisecond from completely losing their poo poo, always. what an exhausting life

Scipiotik
Mar 2, 2004

"I would have won the race but for that."


As a person who has been recently estranged this was very eye opening. (mother threatened estrangement via a nasty text, one of many over the years and I figured, yeah lets give that a shot). Since I have an infant son I guess I am looking forward to the future of ever escalating threats and attempts to force contact, luckily they live 2 thousand miles away, unfortunately they do childcare for my sister.

evilpicard
Sep 11, 2006
<font size=4><B>I REPORT POSTS FROM FOUR YEARS AGO</b></font>



I wonder what the overlap is between this and r/raisedbynarcisists?

MightyJoe36
Dec 29, 2013

Cat Army


The Bramble posted:

When I was a teenager I was in a program that paired us with various public officials as a sort of educational mentorship on how government works. My favorite pairing was with a family court judge in my small town. My first time ever in a courtroom and witnessing a real proceeding was an older married couple suing their own children for visitation rights over their grandchildren. I don't remember many of the specifics as this had been seen by the judge a few times and it's not like the whole thing got laid out like on TV. I do remember it was their final hearing and the judge denied their application.

What stuck out for me was how outraged the grandmother was. She scolded the judge and went on and on about how this was immoral, this was evil, she deserves to see her grandkids, etc. Like she just lost it. The judge was a nice and patient guy and had to deal with literal scum abusers and deadbeats all day long, but this lady and her behavior was the only time I witnessed him raising his voice and getting angry. The entitlement this woman had was unbelievable, and when she finally left she spit out something along the lines of "I don't know how you can live with yourself". She almost got arrested for contempt lol but was so sure she was right she didn't care.

It kills me how these are the same people who are always ranting about "entitled millennials" (or entitled whatever generation besides their own) yet they feel entitled to everything because they reached a certain age.

Dixie Cretin Seaman
Jan 22, 2008

all hat and one catte


Hot Rope Guy

My favorite from the link in the OP is the mother who got mad at her daughter for cancelling a meetup with her over not feeling well. Then mother casually drops that her daughter was recovering from a late-term miscarriage so she can be outraged, how dare she ignore me so soon after the still-birth of my grandchild!

Light Gun Man
Oct 17, 2009

toEjaM iS oN
vaCatioN






Lipstick Apathy

I too wonder if my mom is posting on there, lmao

MasBrillante
Dec 3, 2005



YESSSSSSS. Thanks OP

Popular Human
Jul 17, 2005

and if it's a lie, terrorists made me say it

It terrifies me how similar every single one of these posts is. It's like they all came from a hive of barely-sentient pod people.

Iron Crowned
May 6, 2003


Popular Human posted:

It terrifies me how similar every single one of these posts is. It's like they all came from a hive of barely-sentient pod people.

In a way, middle class white boomer women were probably the last group that could be stay at home parents, so their entire identity is probably wrapped up in being a parent.

evilpicard
Sep 11, 2006
<font size=4><B>I REPORT POSTS FROM FOUR YEARS AGO</b></font>



quote:

DIL and her BPD has worked again.

I just don’t have the energy, I just don’t. I have tried to make it work, I have tried to be patient with her but over and over she ramps up the BS and I am done.

This time it was again, her on face book. She said we were a lovely family that takes advantage of them over and over…… this is the same crap she put up last time. The thing is we haven’t asked them for ANYTHING. We have loaned them money (which we may as well say given at this point), we have invited them to spend a weekend in a cabin with us, no cost to to them. We have watched the dogs for them 2 times in the last 3 months. We have not asked them for anything but to spend the Saturday before mothers day with us. This was to avoid conflict with her mom and to try to keep the drama of holidays away from them.

I didn’t reply to her, I ignored the post. My husband read it and just said he was done. He doesn’t want her around us anymore. He is so disappointed because he was defending her for the last 6 months when I was getting vibes that she was waiting for me to say something she can use against me. He kept saying “she’s ok” “she’s not a bad person”, “she will see we are not her enemy”……

Yet her BPD which makes her make EVERYTHING about her. Which takes everything to a level of crazy and get’s offended by things that have NOTHING to do with her.

quote:

Risk factors

Stressful childhood. Many people with the disorder report being sexually or physically abused or neglected during childhood. Some people have lost or were separated from a parent or close caregiver when they were young or had parents or caregivers with substance misuse or other mental health issues. Others have been exposed to hostile conflict and unstable family relationships.


nishi koichi
Feb 16, 2007

everyone feels that way and gives up.
that's how they get away with it.


guaranteed it's likely the daughter doesn't even have bpd in the first place, the mother probably does tho

Demon Of The Fall
May 1, 2004



Nap Ghost

So I'm kinda confused, are we making fun of these old people or the children? I've read some of the posts and they seem uhhh not weird or strange. Maybe I'm an idiot, which is true honestly.

nishi koichi
Feb 16, 2007

everyone feels that way and gives up.
that's how they get away with it.


personally i'm not making fun of any of it. it's all so drat tragic

evilpicard
Sep 11, 2006
<font size=4><B>I REPORT POSTS FROM FOUR YEARS AGO</b></font>



It's pretty unusual and really hard to remove yourself from your family, community, etc. And I suspect pretty uncommon for someone to do it for no reason. I stopped talking to my parents, for example, due to violence, and I had them social media stalking me, hanging out around my place of work, filing missing persons reports and stuff for about 5 years. I continuously heard rumours make it back to me about how I was ungrateful, ignoring them for no reason, causing them extra stress and by extension might kill them.

evilpicard fucked around with this message at 19:16 on Jul 12, 2019

A Wizard of Goatse
Dec 14, 2014



MightyJoe36 posted:

It kills me how these are the same people who are always ranting about "entitled millennials" (or entitled whatever generation besides their own) yet they feel entitled to everything because they reached a certain age.

these people were entitled before they got old, too, op

Nocheez
Sep 5, 2000

Can you spare a little cheddar?


Nap Ghost

bad posts ahead!!! posted:

personally i'm not making fun of any of it. it's all so drat tragic

I've read the whole thread and I've not really seen any jokes outside of some gallows humor perhaps. I think most people are not posting to point and laugh, but to feel some catharsis.

That said, I had a great relationship with my parents when compared to most, and I still feel such loss and sorrow for these relationships being posted. I don't know people can be so mean to their own children, even as my own little poo poo is about to hit the terrible twos. I *chose* to have him, not the other way around.

doctorfrog
Mar 14, 2007

Great.



The internet functions as a place for extremely bad people to congregate around the idea of their own victimhood and somehow centralize their resentment into some kinda imaginary power. Dude who saw overlap with incels is right.

I sincerely believe that there is a strong need for a grandparent to see their grandchild. Who knows, I may feel this myself someday. This doesn’t translate into a right, though, no matter how wonderful you are.

doctorfrog fucked around with this message at 19:22 on Jul 12, 2019

FormerPoster
Aug 5, 2004



Hair Elf


Isn't it the Daughter in Law, not the Daughter? She mightve had a rough upbringing, but I don't those two were responsible.

Sjs00
Jun 29, 2013

Yeah Baby Yeah !

Parents are retarded poo poo babies thank you for listening

epsilon
Oct 31, 2001



Demon Of The Fall posted:

So I'm kinda confused, are we making fun of these old people or the children? I've read some of the posts and they seem uhhh not weird or strange. Maybe I'm an idiot, which is true honestly.

we're gawking at car fires on the side of the highway

KrunkMcGrunk
Jul 2, 2007

Sometimes I sit and think, and sometimes I just sit.

Sjs00 posted:

Parents are retarded poo poo babies thank you for listening

Slams bedroom door
Cranks Linkin park on MY stereo!

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fist4jesus
Nov 24, 2002


evilpicard posted:

It's pretty unusual and really hard to remove yourself from your family, community, etc. And I suspect pretty uncommon for someone to do it for no reason. I stopped talking to my parents, for example, due to violence, and I had them social media stalking me, hanging out around my place of work, filing missing persons reports and stuff for about 5 years. I continuously heard rumours make it back to me about how I was ungrateful, ignoring them for no reason, causing them extra stress and by extension might kill them.

There are only so many times a child can deal with being woken up by mum saying she was killing herself before losing interest. For me it was 5-6, dunno, stopped counting.
I think after a point people either decided to tolerate it, or they sever. For me the only chance I had was to cut contact.

My sister, much younger than me went the other way. She is completely dependent, helpless, and has no future. Mothers advice is for her to get pregnant so she can get more welfare.

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