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evilpicard
Sep 11, 2006
<font size=4><B>I REPORT POSTS FROM FOUR YEARS AGO</b></font>



Nae! posted:

Isn't it the Daughter in Law, not the Daughter? She mightve had a rough upbringing, but I don't those two were responsible.

Wow yeah I read that post wrong. Going through the post history it turns into a story of her son marrying a traumatised woman who starts abusing him and trying to isolate him from his family. Still

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skasion
Feb 13, 2012

Why don't you perform zazen, facing a wall?


evilpicard posted:

I wonder what the overlap is between this and r/raisedbynarcisists?

110%

Vernii
Dec 7, 2006



My girlfriend's mother would be a prime candidate for posting there if she gave a drat about the internet. Definitely a narcissist who will cut people out of her life over disagreements and perceived insults and then pop back into their life and pretend nothing happened as soon as she needs something.

The first time this happened while we were dating was Christmas 2017 when her mother let herself into our house while we were out of town and then redecorated our living room and moved our furniture as a "gift". She didn't speak to us for six months after because she was so offended by how ungrateful we were.

They aren't on speaking terms right now because my gf forgot her birthday and called her a day late (going on eight months I think), and she's cut her best friend (and neighbor) out of her life over some spat as well, then escalated it by building a giant privacy wall out of sheet metal to divide their properties.

Edit: Her mother also hates me because I dashed her delusional hopes that her daughter would get back together with a lovely ex that her mother loved.

Vernii fucked around with this message at 19:46 on Jul 12, 2019

Ebola Roulette
Sep 13, 2010

No matter what you win lose ragepiss.

Can't wait to see what my mom posts. I stopped talking to my mom because she lied to everyone in my family and told them I had sepsis when I was hospitalized for a cyst because a cyst wasn't enough drama I guess. Well that wasn't the only reason but it was a last straw. Basically I didn't realize just how lovely my mom was until I had a kid and couldn't imagine treating my kid the way my mom treated me.

Pawn 17
Dec 17, 2000

> access main security grid
access: PERMISSION DENIED.







Demon Of The Fall posted:

So I'm kinda confused, are we making fun of these old people or the children? I've read some of the posts and they seem uhhh not weird or strange. Maybe I'm an idiot, which is true honestly.

Probably both because if we could see posts by the kids, they would be just as terrible.

Drunk Nerds
Jan 25, 2011

Just close your eyes

Fun Shoe

Demon Of The Fall posted:

So I'm kinda confused, are we making fun of these old people or the children? I've read some of the posts and they seem uhhh not weird or strange. Maybe I'm an idiot, which is true honestly.

As I see it, giving up on your children for any reason except fear for personal safety is wrong. Your adult daughter-in-law has BPD, a known mental disorder? Deal with it, blaming them for bad mental health and then bailing on them over a freaking Facebook post is wrong. You claim it hurts so much that you can't see your grandchildren, but aren't willing to put up with drama from your grown kids is wrong. Even if these narrators are totally in the right, you put up with your kid's poo poo so you can have a relationship with your grandchildren. Even if there aren't grandchildren, you put up with your adult children's poo poo because having kids means putting up with a lifetime of poo poo. Parenting is forever, if they don't like their kids' behavior they figure out a way to help or get over it.

teen witch
Oct 9, 2012




itís a safe space for expressing the sentiment of ďParents Just Donít Understand*Ē


*how to treat their kids like autonomous adults

Drunk Nerds
Jan 25, 2011

Just close your eyes

Fun Shoe

I scolded my kids this morning, "I can't believe you're acting so poorly." Then I realized, it really should be, "I can't believe I haven't put in the effort to figure out why you're acting so poorly and engage you in a way that fixes that." I think these parents never make that introspective connection.

Captain Rufus
Sep 16, 2005

CAPTAIN WORD SALAD

OFF MY MEDS AGAIN PLEASE DON'T USE BIG WORDS

UNNECESSARY LINE BREAK

teen witch posted:

itís a safe space for expressing the sentiment of ďParents Just Donít Understand*Ē


*how to treat their kids like autonomous adults

Some people are just poo poo. Popping out a kid doesn't make them less lovely regardless of what society says. The problem is now they have a thing they can abuse or make as hosed up as they are. They get really butthurt when said things get to a point they don't have to put up with their poo poo any more. Because they are people not things regardless of what their creators think.

I was never given the option to be estranged from my psycho mom (died relatively early) so all I can do for revenge is never visit her grave. I'd probably end up defacing it and get arrested for it. Dunno why I even let my half sister encourage me to buy the gravestone. I should have bought a Vectrex or something...

Araenna
Dec 27, 2012






Lipstick Apathy

MightyJoe36 posted:

I never got the whole "grandparents rights" thing. What rights? If your kid won't let you see their kids, it's probably because you were a lovely parent.

It's like they have no concept of cutting toxic people out of their lives.

Grandparents rights are supposed to be for things like your son dying, and your daughter-in-law deciding you can't see the kids ever again. Or for when the grandmother takes in her grandchild because son drops the kid on her one day and disappears, and then 6 years later shows back up and wants to take her back and cut grandma off. Since grandma raised her for so long, it's considered in the child's best interest to continue to have contact with her.

fist4jesus
Nov 24, 2002


Captain Rufus posted:

I should have bought a Vectrex or something...

Probably my favorite version of asteroids.

LyonsLions
Oct 10, 2008

I'm only using 18% of my full power !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Reading these posts is both cathartic and depressing. My husband's family is like this. I don't think his parents are narcissists, but they have some of the residual symptoms from being raised in really toxic families. Husband's aunt is a full-on toxic narcissist who has spent her life making everyone around her miserable. She had no children of her own, but did the golden child/scapegoat split with her nieces and nephews, after manipulating her way into getting lots of time alone with them to subject them to her bullshit. 2 of the cousins who she practically raised are deeply damaged people. She basically admitted to having made them like herself, i.e. eternally single, so that she would never have to be alone. My husband was deeply entrapped in her guilt web until we had our second child, and he realized that she was trying to set up the same golden child/scapegoat dynamic with our children. Except that she was already pushing 90 then, and had lost a lot of her former manipulative power, and what she was doing was so obvious and pathetic. We haven't seen her since then, and are not really sure whether she is still alive. The last time she called, she tried to guilt my husband into demanding that his father "repay" a loan that he repaid decades ago, so that she would have something to leave to those of her nieces and nephews she deemed worthy. She was trying to ensure that her toxic bullshit continued to gently caress with people from beyond the grave. She also demanded to be buried with my father-in-law and that his wife of nearly 50 years be buried elsewhere.

There Bias Two
Jan 13, 2009
I'm not a good person



doctorfrog posted:

The internet functions as a place for extremely bad people to congregate around the idea of their own victimhood and somehow centralize their resentment into some kinda imaginary power. Dude who saw overlap with incels is right.

I sincerely believe that there is a strong need for a grandparent to see their grandchild. Who knows, I may feel this myself someday. This doesn’t translate into a right, though, no matter how wonderful you are.

e: Sorry my reply was completely misunderstanding your post. You were calling the parents incels. I apologize for being heated, this is an issue that hits close to home for me as well.

There Bias Two fucked around with this message at 20:53 on Jul 12, 2019

MasBrillante
Dec 3, 2005



Demon Of The Fall posted:

So I'm kinda confused, are we making fun of these old people or the children? I've read some of the posts and they seem uhhh not weird or strange. Maybe I'm an idiot, which is true honestly.

The context of this is that these are actually really abusive people, which becomes evident after they post approximately 100 different piecemeal accounts of terrorizing literally everyone around them. This is an ALOD. These are not actually people who have been abandoned by their children; in fact, they run off people who post in ways that go against the forum culture just like on Reddit.

It is not even allowed to speculate about valid reasons your child might actually have - which is a common coping mechanism for people who are actually experiencing unfounded estrangement. This is a forum not for people who are struggling to find meaning after a trauma, but for people interested in sharing in violent fantasies about ungrateful offspring. For example:

aww posted:

I suppose I should introduce myself as Iíve been lurking around here off and on for a few years now. My story is quite different from most on here as my ex turned my son against me when he was still in grade school so when we split up a year or so later, my son moved in with his cousin and REFUSED to live with me so I had to let him live with his father. My ex taught him that I was Ďthe old biddieí and he didnít have to do anything I said making discipline impossible. That was 30+ years ago. Iím a devout Christian so I have done all I can to try to restore the relationship but itís very strained at best. We do have a relationship but itís all at his choosing, and one wrong word out of me, and he stops speaking to me. Fortunately I donít get nasty texts or emails, in fact, I donít get anything unless I initiate it. Iím to the point of realizing that when he told me years ago that he really doesnít want a relationship with me, he meant it and all my groveling to him does not make him love me more. I just ordered the book as Iím to the point of realizing that I have to move on with my life and stop thinking somehow, some way weíre going to have a wonderful relationship if I just show him that I love him. Iíve killed myself to show him thatĖand I think he genuinely knows I do, but canít be bothered. Iíve seen him once in almost 8 years. The funny thing about this whole sad situation is that he treats his dad as poorly as he treats me. He married into a very wealthy family and I think that has a lot to do with how he treats his dad who was a blue collar worker. Anyway, itís nice to know Iím not alone, and while I do have contact with my son, Iím constantly on edge as one wrong word can get me banished again. He refused to speak to me for 9 months several years ago for something I said.

hmm posted:

Iím sorry youíre going through this.

I believe personality is basically inborn to a greater or lesser extent, and while nurturing impacts it, genetics is so strong that itís almost impossible to change.

I have a sister who I believe has borderline traitsĖI donít know if sheís full-on borderline, but she has most of the traits. Sadly, Iím estranged from her for the 4th time in 25 years. I see a lot of how she responds when I upset her in the posts on her about the verbal abuse and the like, especially telling me to never contact her again.

I believe a great deal of estrangement is related to various personality disorders, but I also believe itís getting much worse as parental rights and roles have changed over the years to where parents now live to give their child a perfect life unlike when I was growing up in the 60s. The child is now the de-facto boss and wields all the power in the family with threats of estrangements. I feel like Iím in the Twilight ZoneÖ.

oh posted:


All of our children would do to remember this quote that kids used to know by heart: Ďhonor your father and mother that your days may be long on the earthí Ex 20:12.

teen witch
Oct 9, 2012




LyonsLions posted:

She was trying to ensure that her toxic bullshit continued to gently caress with people from beyond the grave. She also demanded to be buried with my father-in-law and that his wife of nearly 50 years be buried elsewhere.

Iím impressed on her commitment to being such a lovely person.

E: also what MasBrilliante said, this is an E/N thread disguised as an ALOD discussion. Sharing war stories.

More content:

quote:

Fatherís Day and Motherís Day can be so hard. My outlook: My daughter will never be able to change the fact that I am her mother. She carries my heritage, my genes, and yes, my looks. She came on to this earth because I made a choice to have her. So she can say and do the awful things she has but she canít alter how she came to be. No matter how hard she seeks out alternative families. No matter how hard she has tried to erase me.

Mjmom, no matter how hard your daughter tries, she will never be able to erase that part of her dad (or you) which lies within her.

ďSheíll never be rid of you, she isnít her own person but merely an appendage of me!Ē

teen witch fucked around with this message at 21:18 on Jul 12, 2019

Devils Affricate
Jan 22, 2010


Demon Of The Fall posted:

So I'm kinda confused, are we making fun of these old people or the children? I've read some of the posts and they seem uhhh not weird or strange. Maybe I'm an idiot, which is true honestly.

The vast majority of these seem to be cases of horrible parents mystified as to why their adult children don't want to put up with their abuse anymore.

But yeah, that brings up a major problem with sites like this. People's situations can be completely different, but one person will come in with a story like "My schizophrenic son refuses to leave his apartment and when I try to call him on the phone he just screams about Alex Jones and flat earth, please help, I love him" and every rear end in a top hat parent on the site who was kicked out of their kids life because they legitimately treated them like poo poo will nod their heads in faux solidarity and say something about how this generation is just so screwed up.

doctorfrog
Mar 14, 2007

Great.



There Bias Two posted:

e: Sorry my reply was completely misunderstanding your post. You were calling the parents incels. I apologize for being heated, this is an issue that hits close to home for me as well.
No problem. Iím a parent and thereís some ice between me and my wife, and our families for different reasons, and they see things exclusively from their perspectives. Itís not the worst thing, but itís infuriating and isolates us from social support that we could have benefited from.

Pick
Jul 19, 2009



Nap Ghost

Devils Affricate posted:

The vast majority of these seem to be cases of horrible parents mystified as to why their adult children don't want to put up with their abuse anymore.

But yeah, that brings up a major problem with sites like this. People's situations can be completely different, but one person will come in with a story like "My schizophrenic son refuses to leave his apartment and when I try to call him on the phone he just screams about Alex Jones and flat earth, please help, I love him" and every rear end in a top hat parent on the site who was kicked out of their kids life because they legitimately treated them like poo poo will nod their heads in faux solidarity and say something about how this generation is just so screwed up.

Yeah, the problem with everyone being vague is some of these kids probably are assholes. but you can't tell which. the rear end in a top hat parents are really good at faking the same feelings a parent might legitimately have. it's part of the technique, the fakery

MasBrillante
Dec 3, 2005



Personally, I read several of the person's posts and make an initial determination that they are an unreliable narrator or not. I haven't posted any where it didn't become obvious after several to dozens of posts where they reveal things like: being barred from a church for being a child predator after their daughter showed the pastor proof; being mysteriously estranged from every relative by biology and marriage; having a history of runins with CPS that they claim can only be explained by the boomer equivalent of gangstalking.

Pick
Jul 19, 2009



Nap Ghost

oh that's not a neg on you mas, it's more about the phenomenon overall. actually it's broader and more general than that, even, which is lovely people are super good at borrowing the rhetoric of real problems so... this is like the nuclear version of that



s/o to barudak tho who has correctly identified in the past that living in a family like this makes you good at pleasing your boss in soul-crushing white collar jobs

Barudak
May 7, 2007



For the most part people who have been cutoff unjustly a) provide details and full encounters and b) stop posting pretty quick in these places.

Pick
Jul 19, 2009



Nap Ghost

*boss who will flip his lid if the ice in his ice water is "too cold" and won't sign off on any document with pink highlighting and will dump long stories revealing huge personal problems on you* : i do all the work around here!!

person from narcissistic family: yes sir. the world would stop turning without you. i brought you a pound of your favorite flavor of jelly beans. i hope this will aid with your extremely genuine anguish

MasBrillante
Dec 3, 2005



Pick posted:

oh that's not a neg on you mas, it's more about the phenomenon overall. actually it's broader and more general than that, even, which is lovely people are super good at borrowing the rhetoric of real problems so... this is like the nuclear version of that



s/o to barudak tho who has correctly identified in the past that living in a family like this makes you good at pleasing your boss in soul-crushing white collar jobs

They really are. Iím honestly a lot more interested in the perspectives of the ďkids.Ē They often allude to the kids using psychiatric language in an attempt to explain the abuse to their parents. Which suggests of course that they are experiencing ongoing damage at the hands of their parents.

Saint Drogo
Dec 26, 2011



Demon Of The Fall posted:

So I'm kinda confused, are we making fun of these old people or the children? I've read some of the posts and they seem uhhh not weird or strange. Maybe I'm an idiot, which is true honestly.
if you put on your They Live glasses for self-pitying fluff, they're describing themselves being asshats.

Moridin920
Nov 15, 2007

by FactsAreUseless


Saint Drogo posted:

if you put on your They Live glasses for self-pitying fluff, they're describing themselves being asshats.

Add this post to the op imo

Colonel Cancer
Sep 26, 2015

Tune into the fireplace channel, you absolute buffoon

If your mom didn't yell at you for being sick in between telling you that she's gonna kill herself and how nobody appreciates everything she does, you weren't raised right

Literally A Person
May 17, 2017

dissin your fly girl


Colonel Cancer posted:

If your mom didn't yell at you for being sick in between telling you that she's gonna kill herself and how nobody appreciates everything she does, you weren't raised right

Sleeveless
Dec 25, 2014
Probation
Can't post for 4139 days!


I love the mental image of the kind of person who posts about how their parents are sociopathic narcissistic psychopaths because they ruined Christmas once when they were kids and still asks them go to church with them writing screeds on one side of the internet while the parent posts about how their ungrateful borderline personality adult children are denying themselves and their families a relationship with the only parents they'll ever have over petty reasons post on the other. Two group of terrible, miserable people who has spent their whole lives shouting past each other are now just shouting into the void as they stand with their backs to each other, neither aware that they are truly family and peers in the way that they are broken and incomplete.

Marty Crane
Oct 16, 2012


Sleeveless posted:

I love the mental image of the kind of person who posts about how their parents are sociopathic narcissistic psychopaths because they ruined Christmas once when they were kids and still asks them go to church with them writing screeds on one side of the internet while the parent posts about how their ungrateful borderline personality adult children are denying themselves and their families a relationship with the only parents they'll ever have over petty reasons post on the other. Two group of terrible, miserable people who has spent their whole lives shouting past each other are now just shouting into the void as they stand with their backs to each other, neither aware that they are truly family and peers in the way that they are broken and incomplete.

Get a load of this dude who escaped childhood without any major trauma. I'm still fuckin mad I never got a new Nintendo for Christmas. No Sega's not the same mom!

Nooner
Mar 26, 2007

I am Nooner



My parents sure can be strange too some times hahaha (:

Koalas March
May 21, 2007





Colonel Cancer posted:

If your mom didn't yell at you for being sick in between telling you that she's gonna kill herself and how nobody appreciates everything she does, you weren't raised right

This hit close to home.

After my dad commit suicide last year my mom told she was mad at him because now if she did it, it would make her look like an rear end in a top hat for leaving me without any parents.

Drunk Nerds
Jan 25, 2011

Just close your eyes

Fun Shoe

Sleeveless posted:

I love the mental image of the kind of person who posts about how their parents are sociopathic narcissistic psychopaths because they ruined Christmas once when they were kids and still asks them go to church with them writing screeds on one side of the internet while the parent posts about how their ungrateful borderline personality adult children are denying themselves and their families a relationship with the only parents they'll ever have over petty reasons post on the other. Two group of terrible, miserable people who has spent their whole lives shouting past each other are now just shouting into the void as they stand with their backs to each other, neither aware that they are truly family and peers in the way that they are broken and incomplete.

The difference is one side raised the other side to be that way.

Panfilo
Aug 27, 2011

EXISTENCE IS PAIN

Do these parents ever give a straight answer as to what specifically their kids did?

Rod Hoofhearted
Jun 18, 2000

I am a ghost






I'm fascinated by how many of these NPD parents describe themselves as "devout Christians."

Rod Hoofhearted
Jun 18, 2000

I am a ghost






Panfilo posted:

Do these parents ever give a straight answer as to what specifically their kids did?

No, never and at times it may actually involve one parent sexually abusing the child growing up while the other pretended it didn't happen. Read some of these posts with THAT in mind and gaze into the abyss.

ArbitraryC
Jan 28, 2009
Pick a number, any number

Pillbug

Koalas March posted:

This hit close to home.

After my dad commit suicide last year my mom told she was mad at him because now if she did it, it would make her look like an rear end in a top hat for leaving me without any parents.

Not a good thing to tell your kid but as a random anecdote it seems like a perfectly normal coping thought for them to have. Like "man it sucks they commited suicide cause I have to deal with it and it's even worse if I do the same thing" is a dark thought for sure but not really a difficult to understand sentiment. Thinking about how it would affect others is basically the entire reason not to off yourself when you're in a bad place.

MasBrillante
Dec 3, 2005



LabyaMynora posted:

I'm fascinated by how many of these NPD parents describe themselves as "devout Christians."

I actually find that one of the least surprising thing about them. Authoritarians love Christianity. These people are probably genuinely bewildered when their churches go against the grain by doing the right thing and supporting their abused children in severing. It is FAR more common that churches traffic in unconditional forgiveness rhetoric. Many church leaders are too afraid to invite questions into their own conduct to be allies of abused congregants.

InediblePenguin
Sep 27, 2004


Demon Of The Fall posted:

So I'm kinda confused, are we making fun of these old people or the children? I've read some of the posts and they seem uhhh not weird or strange. Maybe I'm an idiot, which is true honestly.

These old people are not reliable narrators. At the start of the thread multiple people linked the Issendai blog which should really be required reading before engaging with the actual link in the O P I think; it very clearly and understandably discusses these kinds of posts and shows you how and why to notice the unreliable narration Etc

nankeen
Mar 20, 2019

by Cyrano4747


there is a great romcom script buried in this thread, several in fact, and we even have a title: "the warmth of the irish"

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Barudak
May 7, 2007



For people who arent familiar with this here is the most charitable what actually happened for one of these random posts

"Why wont my child, who I told is never welcome in my home again because they married a [racial slur], not talking to me, I did nothing wrong!!"

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