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Facebook Aunt posted:Yeah, that seemed weird to me. Here you have an excuse on a silver platter for why your kid being a gently caress up isn't in any way your fault. You'd think most of the estranged parents would love that. But for this lady that isn't enough, it must be the child's fault. How are they supposed to perpetuate the idea that their child's negative behaviour towards them is only happening because the child is doing it on purpose specifically to hurt them (for NO REASON obviously), and that they're the real abuse victim here, if they do?
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Oct 15, 2019 07:00
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Pyrotoad posted:How are they supposed to perpetuate the idea that their child's negative behaviour towards them is only happening because the child is doing it on purpose specifically to hurt them (for NO REASON obviously), and that they're the real abuse victim here, if they do? They could ask my mom.
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Oct 15, 2019 17:29
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Mom mentioned she sent her daughter to private religious school, which to me sounds like something bad (molestation, abuse) happened there that set off this clingyness that mom doesn't like and then her rebelling and especially feeling the need to always have a weapon to defend herself. The drugs and alcohol to self medicate her ptsd.
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Oct 15, 2019 21:22
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I get the feeling mom has basically disowned her and the daughter is only contacting her for basic things she needs, like her birth certificate and social security card, so she can get a job or her driver's license. I don't want to diminish anything the daughter's going through, but a lot of these parents embellish and heavily exaggerate their children's behavior and turn a night or two of smoking weed or drinking with friends into terrible, family-destroying addictions. The daughter could have legit drug issues, but I don't believe mom. I do think there is a legit disability or developmental issue of some sort going on that mom is trying to wallpaper over.
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Oct 15, 2019 22:55
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even if she's not lying and the daughter is a bigtime addict, that mum is hosed
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Oct 15, 2019 23:10
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I want to thank this thread for giving me the impetus to call my mom and have a brief chat yesterday instead of just texting that I was covering a couple classes and would be home late. She said it made her day, which was nice. Lord knows she's not perfect- she's incapable of admitting she's wrong sometimes, I have to push back against her trying to micromanage my life and friendship- but she's been great about listening and understanding how my anxiety can gently caress me up, for example. I'm also fairly sure she ultimately disagrees with my decision to make teaching my career, but she's never expressed that and has been fully supportive. I'm surprised that no one in this thread has mentioned a quote I remember reading about respect somewhere- the idea that there are two kinds, respect for authority and respect for people, and that folks like cops, when they say "I'll respect you if you respect me" really mean "I won't treat you like a person unless you treat me as an authority. " Which is, I think, ultimately what these parents want. To control their kids' lives and make all the decisions for them, and then be totally insulated from any consequences of their decisions. Like a lovely version of The Sims except with passive aggressive gifting and PTSD.
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Oct 16, 2019 19:35
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quote:I just returned from a wonderful overseas vacation with my two DDs. I really had a great time even though my DDs and I don’t see eye to eye on everything. More than a week together and there was only one time that I felt one of them made a hurtful comment to me. I told her something about the drama with her brother that came to me from his ex while abroad, and my DD said, “I’m going to be BLUNT. That is not a big deal.” Well, I saw her point and have felt many times nobody wants to hear about my drama (or non drama if that is how they see it) with ES (and that is one reason I sought forums such as this). Anyway, it did hurt but hopefully I did not show it. I see no reason why she needed to say it like that. She could have simply said it did not seem like a big deal to her and that would have been fine. But prefacing it with “I’m going to be blunt” made it hurtful. If his phone is broken, how is he calling on his way to work? Also, saying that you are going to be blunt is hurtful. Gotcha.
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Oct 17, 2019 20:14
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That70sHeidi posted:Mom mentioned she sent her daughter to private religious school, which to me sounds like something bad (molestation, abuse) happened there that set off this clingyness that mom doesn't like and then her rebelling and especially feeling the need to always have a weapon to defend herself. The drugs and alcohol to self medicate her ptsd.
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Oct 17, 2019 20:40
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I Want to Take My Ex to Court for Adopting a Dog With the Same Name as Our Kid
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Oct 18, 2019 02:20
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trickybiscuits posted:If his phone is broken, how is he calling on his way to work? She’s upset he isn’t calling. So she’s being pithy. “His phone must be broken.”
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Oct 18, 2019 04:00
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Holy crap, the seething resentment in this letter. Prudence is right that starting it by describing the ex's new wife as "whelping" three children is crazy and awful, but I can't get over her being upset that her daughter's stepmother texts her to ask basic co-parenting questions. "She's keeping me aware of what my kid wants and is asking for my permission and opinions, that WHORE"
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Oct 18, 2019 04:53
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Someone's a loving rage filled lunatic who's being 'managed' in terms of everyone around her acknowledging she's mentally ill and taking it into account.
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Oct 18, 2019 10:48
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quote:When you refer to a human woman giving birth as “whelp[ing] out three babies,” you have lost perspective. While I’m sure that you love your daughter very much, and I don’t want to come down too hard on you, I’m not surprised that she loves going over to her father’s house. Your tooth-grinding misery, resentment, and hostility toward others absolutely radiated off your letter. I’d want to take a break from living with you, too. The texts you describe coming from your ex-husband’s new wife sound pretty innocuous. My guess is that she asks your permission about a lot of low-level things like buying skates because you have a history of flying off the handle when she does anything on Katy’s behalf without getting your approval first.  when did Dear Prudence columns start spitting the truth so hard? no wonder these clowns have to hide on their own forum.
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Oct 18, 2019 11:50
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The ex-husband peace outed and instantly achieved a happy, successful life that the daughter loves being a part of. This is a narcissist's worst nightmare. Not only is there no way to take credit for good things, to any reasonable observer it's her absence that is the key. And the daughter is smart enough to pick up on this. Naturally, this success outside her sphere of influence has to be crushed. The ex-husband is outside her control, save for the fact that courts will always hear custody issues for a minor child. So obviously she's going to use the courts. The kicker being that the ex-husband is smart enough to know exactly what she's done. They've got a policy/style manual or something to ensure their interactions with the narcissist are so utterly polite that she can't even omit details to make them seem offensive. This leaves her with nothing to go to court about to try to control the ex-husband and it's driving her to lunacy. It's a how to guide on how to deal with a narcissist (if you have to). Be utterly polite, while at the same time not allowing the narcissist into your world except as is absolutely required.
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Oct 18, 2019 11:51
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Boywhiz88 posted:She’s upset he isn’t calling. So she’s being pithy. “His phone must be broken.” Saint Drogo posted:
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Oct 18, 2019 12:43
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There's a bunch of commenters super mad at him for being mean to that psycho and they're all impressively derangedquote:Daniel: I usually love the combination of pithiness and compassion in your advice, but I was disappointed in your response to LW1. Having read all the comments borderline bullying the LW, it is clear that I am in the minority here. The difference in perspective may be cultural: I know of women who committed suicide when their husbands took on actual second wives (polygamy), even in a country where polygamy is illegal but allowed by religious marriage. Invariably, the latter wife is significantly younger and "more fertile" ("wanting more children" is often given as the husband's reason for the relationship).
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Oct 18, 2019 14:43
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Ok. That's nuts as well.
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Oct 18, 2019 15:25
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trickybiscuits posted:Ohhhh. I'm a dope.
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Oct 18, 2019 15:40
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pookel posted:Was going to come here to say this but I'll just fix your link. Danny Ortberg is a joy (yes, he's trans, for people who may have been familiar with him under his old name at The Toast). The former Toast editors remain the best people on the internet. Here's the raw URL: http://the-toast.net/2016/05/23/lord-byrons-to-a-lady
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Oct 18, 2019 17:05
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pookel posted:Was going to come here to say this but I'll just fix your link. Danny Ortberg is a joy (yes, he's trans, for people who may have been familiar with him under his old name at The Toast). The former Toast editors remain the best people on the internet. Son of Thunderbeast posted:here's the link actually fixed: Daniel Mallory Ortberg Thanks to both of you. Some of the comments really are nuts. I've watched friends go through pretty rotten divorces and they didn't wind up as bitter and angry as this. I don't think they were a bitter and angry as this even when the divorces were going on. quote:So my ED husband came over last night, to collect a tree stump for firewood he said he would take months ago. After loading it on the truck I asked him how he thought the “issue” would be resolved with my ED. Husband's just making things worse.
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Oct 18, 2019 21:16
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She is not reporting that conversation accurately at all.
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Oct 18, 2019 21:22
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Yeah that screams unreliable narrator.
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Oct 18, 2019 22:48
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trickybiscuits posted:
Is he though? It sounds like he's master manipulating the MiL to feel like she was the one who severed.
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Oct 18, 2019 23:40
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I suspect what he actually said was along the lines of "as long as you behave this way, she doesn't want you to have to contact with our child."
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Oct 19, 2019 16:51
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He sounds like a "family is everything" idiot going behind his wife's back. You know how hysterical women can be, so they need a clear-headed man to step in.
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Oct 19, 2019 17:09
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those sound more like things she heard than things he said.
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Oct 19, 2019 17:19
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Yeah. No one says literally "Yes I am moving the goal posts. We are doing this to punish you."
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Oct 19, 2019 17:30
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Clitch posted:He sounds like a "family is everything" idiot going behind his wife's back. You know how hysterical women can be, so they need a clear-headed man to step in. He sounds like another victim of an unreliable narrator with a grudge
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Oct 19, 2019 18:25
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SHY NUDIST GRRL posted:Yeah. No one says literally "Yes I am moving the goal posts. We are doing this to punish you." I dunno, I could see a man that has had to deal with a histrionic mother-in-law that twists everything into oppression Olympics rolling his eyes and sarcastically saying that.
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Oct 19, 2019 18:30
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Oh lmao that's true. I'd never pour gas on a fire like that but I'd day dream about it
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Oct 19, 2019 18:32
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Dienes posted:I dunno, I could see a man that has had to deal with a histrionic mother-in-law that twists everything into oppression Olympics rolling his eyes and sarcastically saying that. I was home for Xmas break one year during college, and my dad (an eternal morning person) ran into me (someone who volunteers for night shifts) before I'd had my caffeine or Cheerios. He gave me a big hug and effusively told me how great it was to have me home, and I deadpanned, "Yeah, you just have me over to fix your computer." An hour later, he's knocking on the door as I'm brushing my teeth, telling me how hurt he was that I thought he was so shallow, and I had to explain to my dad, who is both married to my mother and who raised me, both of us being queens of loving sarcasm, that it was a joke Some people just aren't equipped to parse sarcasm.
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Oct 19, 2019 20:23
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SHY NUDIST GRRL posted:Oh lmao that's true. I'd never pour gas on a fire like that but I'd day dream about it Last time I did that with my mother in law, she spent about an hour the next day trying to talk my wife into divorcing me. I'm close to the end of my tether these days, but the brief thrill of a good comeback just isn't worth it because someone willing to sink to any depth of melodrama will always win these dumb fights.
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Oct 20, 2019 20:02
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quote:As I was going through all of this I realized that my gd will be 16 on November 14. I have the feeling that I will probably be scheduled for surgery around that time. I wish to share with everyone the letter I wrote my gd. I also like to make my own cards. The card with the letter was delivered on October 17 (strangely I realized that this was my mom’s birthday). What I would give for one more moment with her. Here is the letter I wrote and needless to say I didn’t expect any acknowledgement but there was a part of me that was hoping. A simply text from her would have made my day with all that I am going through. You just can’t wrap your head around the depths of our EC cruelty. Asking how this glurge couldn't touch somebody's heart is like force-feeding a person corn syrup and then accusing them of not having taste buds when they object. trickybiscuits fucked around with this message at 23:37 on Oct 20, 2019 |
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Oct 20, 2019 23:33
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SHY NUDIST GRRL posted:Oh lmao that's true. I'd never pour gas on a fire like that but I'd day dream about it my father in law said some really stupid poo poo the last time we went out for breakfast about how the only medical care they have in mexico is witch doctors with bones in their noses. i snapped after 15 years of letting poo poo like that go and said that was racist and he got extremely defensive and i haven't seen nor spoken with him since- this was July 3 and i have been extremely happy with the outcome. that poo poo was fine to let roll off when i first met my wife but there's a 12 year old at the table, shithead, keep your stupid bullshit in check for one hour
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Oct 21, 2019 00:04
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Notice how the little girl stories are about her paying attention to her granny. They aren't about how cute she was a child, they are about how they did things for the adult
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Oct 21, 2019 01:04
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"We bought you some earrings you can't wear without discomfort or expense, but they were bought WITH LOVE so you'd better cherish them"
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Oct 21, 2019 01:21
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weaponizing a child's love and memories to get back at your kids who got tired of your bullshit, a totally normal thing to do
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Oct 21, 2019 02:53
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I noticed last night that my aunt unfriended me on Facebook at some point. Guess she got sick of me leaving her mean and insulting messages on unread. I'd blocked her and the rest of my immediate family from seeing anything I post for the past half year anyway, because I was tired of being lectured on how lovely and lazy and stupid I am whenever I felt like complaining about a bad day or a setback to my recovery or whatever. I figured unfriending would just create all sorts of stupid drama so I just blocked them all, but if they want to remove me, hey by all means have at it.
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Oct 21, 2019 03:10
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Picnic Princess posted:I noticed last night that my aunt unfriended me on Facebook at some point. Guess she got sick of me leaving her mean and insulting messages on unread. I'd blocked her and the rest of my immediate family from seeing anything I post for the past half year anyway, because I was tired of being lectured on how lovely and lazy and stupid I am whenever I felt like complaining about a bad day or a setback to my recovery or whatever. I figured unfriending would just create all sorts of stupid drama so I just blocked them all, but if they want to remove me, hey by all means have at it. I don’t know how Facebook works. Do people not know when they’ve been blocked?
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Oct 21, 2019 03:59
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If you use Facebook's block feature it removes them as a friend, if you choose who your posts are visible too it does not.
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Oct 21, 2019 04:05
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