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You know what gently caress it, I’ve been lurking here long enough. I talked to my sister yesterday and apparently dear old Dad had been visiting her family and when my little niece tripped on the stairs and fell onto my littler nephew he went straight into screaming through his teeth at her and calling her clumsy and poo poo. He does this thing where he grabs you hard while he does it and thank goodness he didn’t grab her and go outside for the hard spanking. I thought he’d been mellowing out with age, but no, it’s just that his children are adults in a different physical power dynamic who can’t be so easily bullied. I’m so disappointed and I feel like an idiot for thinking he was improving. Thanks for letting me vent.
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Apr 11, 2021 19:54
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| # ¿ Apr 18, 2024 07:42 |
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MAKE NO BABBYS posted:I hope your sister threw him out of her home and made it very clear to her child that grandpas behavior was not at all okay and he would never be allowed around her again, because that is heinous. I would have a hard time not violently beating the person who did that to my child (out of the sight of said child) and I don’t even have kids yet. I wasn't there so I don't know, but I know my sister is working through a process with her own supports. I am so proud of my niece: her response was apparently to shout back "You don't know me, only my parents know me, and I'm not clumsy." She is stronger than I was at her age by an order of magnitude, and I think that reflects well on her parents. Anyway, I'd like to thank you all for sharing all your stories and resources for me to lurk on, because I had it out with him today and I was ready for it. I told him I'm deeply concerned about his inability to control his anger and he needs some goddamn anger management and impulse control therapy. I think he was shocked because I've never brought it up like I did today, because it was easier to enforce my boundaries by moving cross-country and going low contact before I knew it was a thing. His responses were pretty much entirely in line with the script everyone describes, it's so uncanny. It didn't happen, who told you that, you must have misunderstood, it wasn't that bad, I don't remember that, if it did happen it was maybe once, are you mad at me for [x] unrelated thing. I told him his 'well I'm sorry if you feel I let you down' didn't mean poo poo if he wasn't going to commit to real change. Ball's in his court now. I fully expect a weepy twenty-page email over the weekend about how bad he feels and waxing nostalgic about the parts of my childhood that were good for him. Thank you all for helping me stand my ground. I know my poo poo isn't as bad as it has been for many of you, not by a long shot, and I've had it relatively good by comparison. If it helps you to know that you've helped me, you have. My heart's still pounding, and it's been like half an hour since I put down the phone.
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Apr 16, 2021 02:02
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Ghost Leviathan posted:A lot of these parents actively kept their kids dependent and helpless and loving panic when they're losing their lifelong slave. Not quite the same, but I recently realized my relationship with my dad is that he’s an ex-employer. At like 12 I was submitting receivables for him and only recently realized the family income stream probably shouldn’t have been a child’s responsibility. In theory I got paid but I also maybe should have been playing with friends or something. Also payment doesn’t mean that much when it’s a joint account and the child can’t get to the bank without a ride.
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May 29, 2021 08:58
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Clitch posted:So your parents are really half-assed control freaks? Hypocritical control schemes seem to be standard operating procedure. My dad was so concerned about us being exposed to violence I wasn’t allowed to read the A section of the paper when the gulf war or pretty much any significant world events were on. One time he grabbed a star wars book from me or maybe my brother and threw it out the car window while screaming through his teeth about what a bad influence it was, while we were on the highway, but I guess that doesn’t count as violence.
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Jun 8, 2021 01:02
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Lieutenant Dan posted:How bad do you have to bother the Coast Guard that they'd have to send a lawyer after you? And why would you argue with them? And, most of all, how old is OP, and why do they feel entitled to blow up their sister's life Given how prepare this awesome young person sounds, they might’ve given their commanding officer a heads-up that her family was a problem. Seems real smart.
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Aug 30, 2021 20:51
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I recall my dad once dislocated my brother’s arm trying to put one of those pool floaty arm things on him, which I imagine is the kind of thing that doesn’t happen if you pay any attention at all to the pain experiences expressed by others. edit: also yikes, that xray, holy poo poo edit again: also now remembering the time i tripped and went through the glass storm door and got a two inch cut to the bone which I then had to cover with a series of bandaids and wrapped in a tensor. It was weeks before I dared to look at it, at which point it kind of stank. I’m probably lucky I didn’t get infected. My dad is a literal doctor of medicine, and was the only adult in the house when this happened. LeschNyhan fucked around with this message at 17:24 on Sep 21, 2021 |
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Sep 21, 2021 17:18
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A bit late, but yeah, that's a heck of a link. Another lost child here, I guess. Oh, scapegoat - hi, little brother. And there's the mascot - hi, little sister.
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Feb 2, 2022 20:20
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Deki posted:I won't condone or put up with it, but I'm not gonna drat someone for it. The reason I still have a relationship with my mother is because she's worked to better herself. This is it for me. If dad wants a relationship with me, even if it’s just to ramble at me for an hour on the phone every once in a while, all he has to do is acknowledge he doesn’t have a handle on strong emotions and start getting some help building coping strategies for when he’s triggered. But it’s easier for him to get all weepy that his oldest son ‘thinks he’s an angry person’ and try to guilt trip me. He hasn’t called in a year because I don’t feed his ego and it’s lovely. Of course there are folks who have done things beyond the pale and can’t be forgiven.
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Jun 21, 2022 22:18
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ElHuevoGrande posted:Not as hard as it might feel like to enforce. My father doesn't shower when he travels. 1 day, 1 week, he just doesn't. Doesn't brush his teeth either. Oh, you have my dad, who also won't flush piss because it 'saves water' and leaves his things everywhere. He walked in and assumed the glass on the kitchen counter was set out for him - and drank half the cat's hair-infested water. I shouldn't have stopped him.
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Aug 9, 2022 07:36
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| # ¿ Apr 18, 2024 07:42 |
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Only thing I'll say is you're under no obligation to respond quickly. You've got a lot to process and you're entitled to the time you need to do that properly, with whatever safe supports you have.
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Jan 17, 2023 09:50
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