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Pope Corky the IX
Dec 18, 2006


🎵 I'm blue
Yeah I'm a blue Shrek, guy
Step a foot in my swamp
And you're gonna die 🎵
"You're the reason we don't have any friends"

My father told me that when I was nine years old. And yet somehow, even though I haven't lived with them for thirteen years and have been no contact for seven, they still don't have any friends.

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Pope Corky the IX
Dec 18, 2006


🎵 I'm blue
Yeah I'm a blue Shrek, guy
Step a foot in my swamp
And you're gonna die 🎵
I was attacked by a dog that belonged to one of the other kid's in our Boy Scout troop in the late 90s. I was fourteen at the time.

We eventually won a lawsuit against them because the dog and owners had a history of paying off victims of attacks. We (I) eventually got a $75,000 judgement against them, that would come in installments between me being fifteen and continuing until I received the rest at age twenty-one.

My parents decided to take the money and remodel the second bathroom in their house at $30,000, and my father to purchase a motorcycle from a family friend down in Florida (we're in New York/Long Island) for another $15,000.

I am with my spouse of seven years (second marriage) and we have nothing to show for the $75,000 that was originally mine.

Pope Corky the IX
Dec 18, 2006


🎵 I'm blue
Yeah I'm a blue Shrek, guy
Step a foot in my swamp
And you're gonna die 🎵

Light Gun Man posted:

That's really lovely. I don't have anything helpful to add, but drat, that really sucks.

I've come to terms with it, especially after my first marriage ended, and with the spouse I have now. Unfortunately she gets to deal with the fallout of my CPTSD from my parents, sister, and first wife. And I hate every moment of it because she doesn't deserve it. Any of it. And I forever think about how much that money could have helped us.

Pope Corky the IX
Dec 18, 2006


🎵 I'm blue
Yeah I'm a blue Shrek, guy
Step a foot in my swamp
And you're gonna die 🎵
So if she's not the one that kicked her daughter in the face...isn't she curious as to who was? She doesn't even attempt to offer another explanation other than "Nuh-uh!" like a kid with magic marker all over their hands.

Pope Corky the IX
Dec 18, 2006


🎵 I'm blue
Yeah I'm a blue Shrek, guy
Step a foot in my swamp
And you're gonna die 🎵
I had to delete my Facebook around the time my first wife and I separated because my older sister's response to the news was "That's too bad...you should call Dad, he had acid reflux the other day and he's worried it may be the signs of another heart attack"

That was the exact moment I realized that none of them gave a poo poo, and cut off all contact. And no, he didn't have another heart attack.

Pope Corky the IX
Dec 18, 2006


🎵 I'm blue
Yeah I'm a blue Shrek, guy
Step a foot in my swamp
And you're gonna die 🎵
My grandfather died when the Christmas tree fell on him.

He also used bleach in the pool instead of chlorine which is probably why my eyesight is so terrible.

Pope Corky the IX
Dec 18, 2006


🎵 I'm blue
Yeah I'm a blue Shrek, guy
Step a foot in my swamp
And you're gonna die 🎵
I just completely did away with Facebook when I cut out my family back in 2012 and it was the best decision. They change their policies and options and controls so often that one day you'll sign on and suddenly be searchable again. It's made it a lot more difficult for my family to find me (in my case it's my unstable sister that's twelve years older than me) but she's still found ways to message my spouse and best friend through their accounts over the years.

Pope Corky the IX
Dec 18, 2006


🎵 I'm blue
Yeah I'm a blue Shrek, guy
Step a foot in my swamp
And you're gonna die 🎵
Because blood is thicker than semen.

Pope Corky the IX
Dec 18, 2006


🎵 I'm blue
Yeah I'm a blue Shrek, guy
Step a foot in my swamp
And you're gonna die 🎵

Tin Can Hit Man posted:

The only way to confirm this is by collecting a wide range of samples from a variety of sources and cataloguing their levels of viscosity and density.

gently caress you for insinuating I haven't done my research.

Pope Corky the IX
Dec 18, 2006


🎵 I'm blue
Yeah I'm a blue Shrek, guy
Step a foot in my swamp
And you're gonna die 🎵
There's nothing like a funeral to identify all the assholes in your family.

Pope Corky the IX
Dec 18, 2006


🎵 I'm blue
Yeah I'm a blue Shrek, guy
Step a foot in my swamp
And you're gonna die 🎵
I can't remember the last time I tried to read something so infuriating, that second one is all over the loving place.

Pope Corky the IX
Dec 18, 2006


🎵 I'm blue
Yeah I'm a blue Shrek, guy
Step a foot in my swamp
And you're gonna die 🎵
It's a Wizard of Oz reference, and it's usually referring to people that know what's going on but still help out the parents or grandparents or whoever. I'm not sure if there's a term for the people that are genuinely unaware of the actual story and end up giving out a phone number or address because they don't know any better.

Pope Corky the IX
Dec 18, 2006


🎵 I'm blue
Yeah I'm a blue Shrek, guy
Step a foot in my swamp
And you're gonna die 🎵
I never asked for a dime from my parents and I know that drove my father loving insane after I cut off contact because he couldn't hold it over me or try and sue or anything. poo poo, when I moved out, all I took were things I bought with my own money.

Pope Corky the IX
Dec 18, 2006


🎵 I'm blue
Yeah I'm a blue Shrek, guy
Step a foot in my swamp
And you're gonna die 🎵

PooInAnAlleyway posted:

L E V E R A G E

Pope Corky the IX
Dec 18, 2006


🎵 I'm blue
Yeah I'm a blue Shrek, guy
Step a foot in my swamp
And you're gonna die 🎵
I mentioned this earlier in the thread, but I received $75,000 in a lawsuit after someone's dog attacked me and left me with scars and loss of feeling on the right side of my face at the age of fourteen. My parents took at least $30,000 to remodel their second bathroom, then another $15,000 to buy and transport a Harley Davidson motorcycle (something my father always wanted) from Florida to New York. And from time to time they'd take more money because "We spent so much on you when you were going through all your surgeries and everything" so by the time of my first marriage at twenty-four, that money was already gone.

Pope Corky the IX
Dec 18, 2006


🎵 I'm blue
Yeah I'm a blue Shrek, guy
Step a foot in my swamp
And you're gonna die 🎵
The "Why aren't we friends?" schtick is loving maddening. My father tried to pull that on my when I was in my mid-20s during my first marriage and we had our own place, etc, so I wasn't around that much. I actually stared at him like a fish gasping for air because I couldn't loving believe he could actually ask that question. He was the type that started rejecting me and making fun of me as soon as he realized I wasn't going to be a little clone of him.

Pope Corky the IX
Dec 18, 2006


🎵 I'm blue
Yeah I'm a blue Shrek, guy
Step a foot in my swamp
And you're gonna die 🎵
I just realized I typed "fish gasping for air" like a loving idiot.

Pope Corky the IX
Dec 18, 2006


🎵 I'm blue
Yeah I'm a blue Shrek, guy
Step a foot in my swamp
And you're gonna die 🎵
Oh yeah, that’s a big one.

“The child calls the parent, not the other way around”

That way you have no idea how often is correct, so they can always be mad.

Pope Corky the IX
Dec 18, 2006


🎵 I'm blue
Yeah I'm a blue Shrek, guy
Step a foot in my swamp
And you're gonna die 🎵
It wasn't until recently that I realized Homestuck and Homestar Runner are not the same thing.

Pope Corky the IX
Dec 18, 2006


🎵 I'm blue
Yeah I'm a blue Shrek, guy
Step a foot in my swamp
And you're gonna die 🎵
Oh, I do believe that parents can be friends with their children when they're all adults. But the "Why aren't we friends?" or "Why aren't we as close as we used to be?" tend to come from abusive narcissistic parents that swear everything was great and they were really close with their kids when they were growing up.

Pope Corky the IX
Dec 18, 2006


🎵 I'm blue
Yeah I'm a blue Shrek, guy
Step a foot in my swamp
And you're gonna die 🎵
"WHAT DO I TELL PEOPLE?"

When I first cut contact from my family I got versions of "What are we supposed to tell friends/coworkers/etc?" from several people, as thought it's my responsibility to give them an excuse that sounds good. Apparently my father eventually decided to tell people I'm dead, which is fine by me.

Pope Corky the IX
Dec 18, 2006


🎵 I'm blue
Yeah I'm a blue Shrek, guy
Step a foot in my swamp
And you're gonna die 🎵
It's easier than saying "My child completely cut contact for no reason!" and then having the other person ask questions or assume they're full of poo poo.

Pope Corky the IX
Dec 18, 2006


🎵 I'm blue
Yeah I'm a blue Shrek, guy
Step a foot in my swamp
And you're gonna die 🎵

Wicker Man posted:

It can be so painful to bring up past neglect or failings from your parents. Even when handled gently and with tact, my mother had a "I consider the past to be in the past" mindset of not dwelling what happened and focusing on moving forward. Which sounds like a good thing, but at the same time no particular fault is ever directly addressed. It's all generalized with a roundabout statement of hoping that I can forgive her. My father tries to change the subject or make it all about him and his terrible childhood. Which he has told me over and over again growing up as a child riding with my dad, listening to him talk all about himself and his struggles while never being a part of my life or my interest or struggles.

My father would tell me how lucky I have it that he doesn't beat the poo poo out of me the way his father would beat the poo poo out of him...while beating the poo poo out of me.

Here's a great example of how badly he screwed himself. My sister is twelve years older than me, and my father is her stepfather. So when my sister had two daughters and a son, my father decided they weren't real grandchildren because they're not blood, so he didn't really try with them and constantly complained that they were spoiled brats. There was one year where he faked an illness for every one of their birthday parties so he didn't have to go. He would always talk about the children I would have, and how great it would be to finally be a grandpa, as he would not allow my sister's kids to call him that. At one point he even told me he had something very important to discuss with me. He sat me down and said, "You need to promise, right now, that your kid will be a Yankee fan. And don't let [sister's husband] into the hospital because he'll try to put a Met hat on him." He was 100% serious.

Then I went no contact with my entire family in 2012, and my current spouse and I aren't having children anyway. So he wasted the last twenty-six years basically ignoring my sister's kids while waiting for "actual" grandchildren that never came to be and never will.

Pope Corky the IX
Dec 18, 2006


🎵 I'm blue
Yeah I'm a blue Shrek, guy
Step a foot in my swamp
And you're gonna die 🎵
My ex-wife was a loving nightmare and I still wouldn’t have referred to her as “the wife”

Pope Corky the IX
Dec 18, 2006


🎵 I'm blue
Yeah I'm a blue Shrek, guy
Step a foot in my swamp
And you're gonna die 🎵
The post above mine where she refers to her spouse as "the husband" it's so loving weird.

Pope Corky the IX
Dec 18, 2006


🎵 I'm blue
Yeah I'm a blue Shrek, guy
Step a foot in my swamp
And you're gonna die 🎵
I'm honestly shocked my sister hasn't used the current situation to get in contact with me considering some of the poo poo she's pulled in the past. At one point she had somehow found my mother-in-law's phone number and called to scream at her that I need to get in touch with my parents. She had never met or spoken to this woman before in her life.

Pope Corky the IX
Dec 18, 2006


🎵 I'm blue
Yeah I'm a blue Shrek, guy
Step a foot in my swamp
And you're gonna die 🎵

I would blow Dane Cook posted:

From reading the rejected parents forums it seems they think that their estranged children should contact them because of how dangerous the virus is to them (because of their advanced age., and their children are being super selfish by not doing so. And/or they are using the seriousness of the situation as an excuse to try to contact their estranged children.
So the virus has basically made them even more sure that they are right and their children are wrong.

Oh, absolutely. And they'll never admit that, if it weren't COVID-19, it would be something else. An earthquake, a hurricane, a tornado, a recession, etc...all the way down to "I heard there was a burglary in ED's neighborhood and it's bewildering that she wouldn't call to tell me she's okay"

Pope Corky the IX
Dec 18, 2006


🎵 I'm blue
Yeah I'm a blue Shrek, guy
Step a foot in my swamp
And you're gonna die 🎵
The fact that she put her abhorrent behavior in poetry form is particularly nauseating for some reason.

Pope Corky the IX
Dec 18, 2006


🎵 I'm blue
Yeah I'm a blue Shrek, guy
Step a foot in my swamp
And you're gonna die 🎵
The vitriol towards in-laws (especially daughter and son) is particularly funny to me because, of all familial relationships, they have the most right to peace the gently caress out.

Pope Corky the IX
Dec 18, 2006


🎵 I'm blue
Yeah I'm a blue Shrek, guy
Step a foot in my swamp
And you're gonna die 🎵

LadyPictureShow posted:

I think a lot of that vitriol is based on the fact that a son in law or daughter in law loosens their grip on their child. I feel like a lot of these stories where they bitch about their kid's spouse can boil down to "ever since our little Steven got married to that awful harpy of a woman, he doesn't let us steamroll and belittle him anymore!"

Oh, I totally get that. What I find funny is something like that woman losing her poo poo over the daughter-in-law choosing not to have a relationship with her. She doesn't owe her mother-in-law a goddamn thing unless there was some sort of financial or legal situation that had occurred.

Pope Corky the IX
Dec 18, 2006


🎵 I'm blue
Yeah I'm a blue Shrek, guy
Step a foot in my swamp
And you're gonna die 🎵

Shirec posted:

There's quite a few posts in the relationships thread of women losing their minds because their DILs didn't want them in the delivery room. These people have huge amounts of entitlement

The correct response to a mother-in-law insisting on being in the delivery room is the daughter-in-law demanding to be in the room for her next pap smear.

Pope Corky the IX
Dec 18, 2006


🎵 I'm blue
Yeah I'm a blue Shrek, guy
Step a foot in my swamp
And you're gonna die 🎵
Yeah, I want to type out stories and it's difficult to refer to him as anything other than "father" especially because we have the same name.

Pope Corky the IX
Dec 18, 2006


🎵 I'm blue
Yeah I'm a blue Shrek, guy
Step a foot in my swamp
And you're gonna die 🎵
One of my favorite recurring bits is "my estranged child was here for five hours, I asked them hundreds of questions during that time and they didn't have an answer for anything"

loving seriously? Just try to picture that, it's beyond absurd.

Pope Corky the IX
Dec 18, 2006


🎵 I'm blue
Yeah I'm a blue Shrek, guy
Step a foot in my swamp
And you're gonna die 🎵
Oh, I understand exactly what actually happened, it's just so amusing to me that the other estranged parents buy that same bullshit over and over again when it simply does not make sense.

Pope Corky the IX
Dec 18, 2006


🎵 I'm blue
Yeah I'm a blue Shrek, guy
Step a foot in my swamp
And you're gonna die 🎵
I remember being a hazmat tech/safety coordinator at the same company for four years, and my father would constantly ask “So what is it that you actually do? You’ve never told me, so I just tell people you own a warehouse.” Like he couldn’t be bothered to remember at least two of those four words and instead made me a landlord because it sounds better.

Pope Corky the IX
Dec 18, 2006


🎵 I'm blue
Yeah I'm a blue Shrek, guy
Step a foot in my swamp
And you're gonna die 🎵
Haha, just remembered this. I left the aforementioned job after four years for better pay and a better position as warehouse manager for another company. I called my father to tell him the news and his first response was “So I guess you got fired, huh?”

Pope Corky the IX
Dec 18, 2006


🎵 I'm blue
Yeah I'm a blue Shrek, guy
Step a foot in my swamp
And you're gonna die 🎵

Picnic Princess posted:

I just got tired of the passive aggressive way my mom always said goodbye whenever I'd go to her place.

"Guess I'll see you next holiday."

And then I'd be like "We can do something before then, just let me know what you want to do, I'm always free Sundays." But that wasn't what she wanted. She wanted me to do all the contacting, all the planning, everything. But I was working full time and in university, with a husband, doing house renos and helping him fix his car, while battling severe chronic illness. But because I wasn't completely focused on making her the center of attention, it meant I didn't care about her at all.

My grandparents were the same way. It was mandatory for us to call them, every week at the same time. If we missed a week it was because we were unloving little shits, and when you said "you could have called us" they said it doesn't work that way. It HAS to be the kids and grandkids who call the parents and grandparents and never the other way around. I still don't know why, that's just the way it is. It feels so forced and phony. Do they not see how hypocritical they are when they say "If you don't call me it means you don't love me" and refuse to ever call anyone? It's so stupid to make up these arbitrary and ridiculous rules then treat family like garbage because of them. Forced relationships are not relationships. Their narcissism is so destructive.

"Children are supposed to call parents" is one of the oldest manipulation tricks. It puts every bit of the responsibility on you to know how often you should call, how long the call should be, what the call is about, etc. There's never a correct answer, so they can use it however they want to continue controlling you and making you feel that one day you'll get it right.

Pope Corky the IX
Dec 18, 2006


🎵 I'm blue
Yeah I'm a blue Shrek, guy
Step a foot in my swamp
And you're gonna die 🎵
What's with all these people drawing pictures? Especially poo poo like a stick figure wearing a sign reading "discarded grandma"?

Pope Corky the IX
Dec 18, 2006


🎵 I'm blue
Yeah I'm a blue Shrek, guy
Step a foot in my swamp
And you're gonna die 🎵
My father became increasingly hostile towards me as he realized I wasn't going to be a little clone of him. For example, my sister and brother-in-law are twelve years older than me, so when I was younger they'd have me over their place. While I wasn't into most sports, I did like wrestling and so did my sister's husband, so we'd watch it together and talk about it. My father absolutely despised this and one day started screaming at me that if I want him to be my father so much I should go to the courthouse and get emancipated. I think I was eleven.

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Pope Corky the IX
Dec 18, 2006


🎵 I'm blue
Yeah I'm a blue Shrek, guy
Step a foot in my swamp
And you're gonna die 🎵
It was only recently that I realized Achewood and Die Antwoord are two completely different things.

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