- progressive tacos
- Apr 4, 2007
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Oh man look at this awesome beedog
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An estranged parent just found out that their estranged son changed his last name and his children's last names to his wife's last name. This entire thread is just...something else. Posting the initial post and the OPs replies. (note: removed screennames but left in the site founder's name)
quote:
I have just been told by a relative that my ES has changed his family name and his children’s family name to that of his wife’s.
I am devastated that my ES would erase me and our family in this way, and deny his own children such a core part of their identity. Where are they children’s rights in all of this? Yet again they are being used as pawns.
Has this happened to anyone else? What are my options?
quote:
Thank you both, I feel like no one can understand what I am going through.
I can’t get any legal advice until Monday, but I expect my lawyer will tell me I can’t do anything about it. The relative who told me acted like they hadn’t meant to. They said it had been sworn to secrecy so that I would be denied a chance to object before the change went through. I don’t know if that’s right though, or if the opportunity has passed.
It feels like a targeted knife in the heart. When they got engaged DiL announced she would not be changing her name, and we had many serious talks about how much our name means to me. Eventually we compromised and agreed that the children would have my family name. They know exactly what this means to me and for them to go to all the effort of depriving me of this is deliberate and cruel. Furthermore they named one of the children after Her grandmother and when I pointed out none of the children had a Christian name from our side of the family she told me that in her mind them having our the family name made up for this.
Sorry for the ramble, but they know exactly what they are doing.
My relative also told me that they are thinking about selling their house.
I can’t believe my own son would do this to us. My wife is deeply distressed and I feel powerless.
quote:
Thank you _____, you are right I felt constantly negated by DiL. We did our best to include her in the family but she seemed to go out of her way to reject our traditions in favour of her own like it was a powerplay. Time and time again my son would side with his wife as though he had no mind of his own. She was sweet to us until she had the first baby, and then she started calling all the shots. Far from being powerless, she has a powerful job and a mindset of controlling everything.
_________, I see you understand the importance of names and telling a story about what is important. I know all cultures are different and our family’s long tradition is for the wife to take her husband’s name. I strongly believe in this, even though ES is my only son and otherwise I just have daughters. This is part of the pain, my name will not be passed on at all now, whereas before I had ES and grandchildren who would do this.
You are right, ________, it is childishness. My wife has tried to call them but they are letting her go to voicemail which is typically immature. You would think if they were proud of what they had done they would have no issue discussing it with us. Instead they deliberately tried to stop us from even finding out they had done it, to the point of telling other family members to hide it from us. I can see that deep down even ES feels shame over this.
I meant to thank Sheri for her response earlier. Thank you Sheri. You are right it is a clear message and I hear it loud and clear. I wish my son would just engage with me like an adult instead of sending these ‘messages’ like canon balls from afar. I firmly believe that talking things through can help but he wont talk to me and only talks to my wife when it suits him and never about anything of consequence.
Once again, my son is not content to cut me off, he continues to hurt me from afar. He has thrown another wedge in my family and even made my daughters angry at me over HIS choice.
I am sorry to once again to come to this forum upset and in a state of confusion. I hope to one day post with peace and happiness like so many of you.
It's crazy how so many of these people act like changing a last name is literally child abuse.
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