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Guildenstern Mother posted:Be the change you want to see and then also post a link Don't touch the poop The poop will touch you back Poop is like Zalgo
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Sep 3, 2019 00:04
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Sailor Cat posted:I think it's a joke
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Nov 17, 2019 21:53
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A Pack of Kobolds posted:I hope that one day you can feel nothing for her. Not like completely numb and dead inside, but some kind of weird peace that comes from the understanding that forgiveness and reconciliation is impossible but hatred and bitterness affect you and not her, and you don't deserve it. This resonates. What I have now when I think of them is a blank space. Hic sunt leones.
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Jun 16, 2020 06:50
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"That was for doing nothing. Just wait till you do something"
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Sep 5, 2020 06:05
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PHIZ KALIFA posted:this post just dislodged a repressed memory. i didn't think they were a real thing, or at least i was pretty sure i didn't have any, but. Some family heirlooms are worth only the minimal effort needed to set them aflame and defecate upon their ashes. Now that you've found it loitering in your storage closet, bin it with suitable impiety. Does a world of good to kick back at an old symbol like that.
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Oct 14, 2020 03:08
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Benny Harvey posted:How do you do this with memories though? For me understanding why the event unfolded the way it did, and how I felt about it then and now all take on a certain sense of integrated relief. The tension associated with the memory safely grounded of charge, and now fit to be filed in the reference shelves. Some memories bring a harsher metaphor, depending on how much lifetime d'oh I think it caused. Then I ruthlessly strip mine it for energy and direction. Sharper pain releases a determined energy with great potential for redirection and redefinition of oneself.
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Oct 17, 2020 18:52
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I do wonder how many years ago this relationship was murdered beyond any hope of reconciliation.
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Oct 20, 2020 18:57
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Incredible as it may seem, I believe my father too when he says he had no idea of the beatings and other heart/mind abuse. But he's still emotionally loyal to the woman who divorced him decades ago. He cannot acknowledge her actions. I love you Dad, but you're still her willing tool.
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Nov 21, 2020 17:45
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Picnic Princess posted:I wonder what % of estrangements are parents not being able to accept their queer and/or former gifted children. My guess is "extremely high".
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Dec 8, 2020 08:07
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Ghost Leviathan posted:Feels like the whole generation's had it hammered into them to be complete doormats for anything resembling an authority figure.
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Dec 10, 2020 06:46
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I think it has to do with a mix of control and covering up the outward signs of neglect / abuse so they can show off their external triumph in achieving the appearance of a (whatever it is their personal demons need you to be). Teeth are a cosmetic thing in this case. Zits are a surface thing too. And cleaning the house 'for company'.
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Feb 1, 2021 00:40
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mudskipp posted:Cutting out someone obviously toxic (say a violent domestic abuser) can actually result in losing or damaging relationships with others around them too. I lost my entire immediate and extended families. They were too vested in maintaining or improving their statuses in the abusive pecking order. Even decades later "I saw nothing. Don't tell me about that; my relationship with x was different. Why can't you just talk with them? They might really be dying this time and you'll regret missing your chance." gently caress all y'all.
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Aug 2, 2021 18:47
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mudskipp posted:Sorry xlorp. I have had the unfortunate circumstance of learning about all this recently on my partner's side. I wish it had been otherwise. It makes sense of self, safety, and belonging hard as hell to conceptualize. My found family are awesome people and I am learning to not always adrenalize and flame out a couple times a day.
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Aug 3, 2021 21:31
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Lieutenant Dan posted:How bad do you have to bother the Coast Guard that they'd have to send a lawyer after you? And why would you argue with them? And, most of all, how old is OP, and why do they feel entitled to blow up their sister's life Golden Child has to pick up Scapegoat Duty now
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Aug 30, 2021 20:50
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Lieutenant Dan posted:How do Golden Children function when the scapegoat leaves the house? Does poo poo just melt down? Someone's going to have to get in that barrel. Most will gratefully shrug if someone else starts drawing all the fire. There's nothing to be done for them without acknowledging the elephant in the room. Which makes them the new barrel candidate.
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Aug 31, 2021 17:05
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Lieutenant Dan posted:I think the thing that sticks with me as an adult is, how could you even bring yourself to hit a kid? They're so small. Why wouldn't you just leave the room until you calmed down? How could you just slap the equivalent of like, a puppy? Kids don't even really understand everything yet so all they're gonna learn is fear. At that moment they are so blinded by their own demons, you're reduced to being the flash point that triggered them, not a person at all. They have no sane presence of mind and are super disordered. You get to channel and express by proxy their own emotional Armageddon for them.
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Sep 8, 2021 19:14
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Rutibex posted:sounds like she did listen to you and used that information to torture you Because drinking in a person's emotions as they suffer based on your actions is such a rush. They'll go chasing that tiger forever and don't you dare flinch. Not directly related except a good prism for understanding attachment, things made more sense when I read about the Harlow rhesus monkeys. Xlorp fucked around with this message at 19:20 on Oct 6, 2021 |
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Oct 6, 2021 17:21
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Your mind is hell. Going beyond your mind is heaven. Go beyond the mind. That is the essence of the whole teaching of all the awakened ones. Osho, Bodhidharma: The Greatest Zen Master, Ch 11 (excerpt)
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Oct 6, 2021 19:22
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Perception of perfect obedience
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Oct 12, 2021 20:27
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lovely realization time - beating a 5 yr old child with adhd into cptsd for disobedience requires a fuckton of patience, shadow work, and an all-star partner for them to eventually find some stability. Absent a convent to join, our home now has the estate name 'Rest Home for the Mentally Bewildered'. If you're hosed up and you know it, take care of yourself.
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Oct 16, 2021 18:53
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Rabbit Hill posted:They also don't believe other people's or animals' emotions (or internal states in general) are real. It's like they were developmentally arrested before they could develop Theory of Mind around age 5. Are there good sources for a self-aware but underdeveloped person to address this specific comprehension gap?
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Nov 10, 2021 17:58
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atomicgeek posted:I'm not an expert here, but it also seems to me that narcissists lack an internal locus of control. Nothing that happens to them is ever the result of their own actions, in their perception. It's always somebody else's (your) fault. I think an integral part of a strong sense of self is being able to comprehend the consequences of your own actions, and I've never met a narcissist who could do that. Narcissists love shaping those around them into victims or mini-me Renfields. If that's your role model growing up, you'll keep digging down a long time till you understand the whole thing is bullshit. Finding personal agency after years or decades of beating your head futilely against itself trying to meet arbitrary standards is hard work. Endocrinological reaction settings are baked in by a certain age. Hope you got a baseline that wasn't <Mood change in person next to you = DefCon1 "Cocked Pistol"> Multiply by layers of abuse and separation from opportunity and any positive outcome is a bloody miracle.
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Nov 21, 2021 19:49
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Likewise. Mine collected birds as pets and I knew I ranked right with them in her eyes.
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Dec 13, 2021 03:39
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It's the narrative drumbeat by which their ego survives in delusion of all else. The more people who perpetuate the mantra in unison strengthen its hold on all of them together. Roll vs SAN...
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Dec 13, 2021 04:05
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ohnobugs posted:What the hell is wrong with these people? According to them, nothing at all. It must be the children who are wrong...
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Aug 9, 2022 07:55
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My mother passed this morning. I have no idea if or when I'm going to feel anything about that.
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Aug 21, 2022 05:08
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Family that want to be blind will be blind. Is it worth fighting them for decades to believe you, or do you hold your nose and just flush the ones who still gotta hand it to the abuser?
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Oct 9, 2022 01:50
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My primary custody-haver and violent abuser died two months ago. Decades after moving out didn't abolish the instilled terror mode completely. Her death did bring me peace. I never did get over guilt from somehow not finding a way to maintain any kind of communication with her through the years. In retrospect complete severance earlier would have helped. People that say blood family is worth every effort at reconciliation. Mileage varies and no one else has your answer for you.
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Dec 4, 2022 00:44
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That's an excellent idea. Just mentally engaging with the person in order to compose any words to them in whatever medium activates way too many panic and bad mood chemicals to actually write something, and my composure is shot to hell for the rest of the day to boot. A process that literally prevents harm.
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Feb 23, 2023 03:16
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At least when the penny drop as an adult, we're free to fill our mental and emotional feeding hoppers with our own curated selections.
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May 5, 2023 00:02
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bee posted:The version of this I got while I was pregnant was "hahaha, it's karma that your baby is a girl, because now you'll get to find out what they're like!" This explains a lot of my mother's bugaboos and witch-hunts. She couldn't imagine how I wasn't like her in every way. Opening my mouth to prove it would have been a fatal blunder in that house.
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May 29, 2023 05:31
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Ghost Leviathan posted:Keep in mind what those people miss is also the ability to hurt you. Their punching bag is gone. The dopamine thrill of having power to be cruel with no brakes
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Jun 10, 2023 16:54
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My incredibly problematic mother died late last year. Dad, her first husband - a status which ended when I was five - always took it upon himself to urge me to spend more time with her and talk to her. He never grokked what C-ptsd was, why I had it so bad, or how she could have been the cause of it. His insistence on my connecting with and forgiving a 'broken woman' really destroyed my relationship with him. She divorced him. He was free. She had primary custody of me and I had no recourse till I was 18. Decades later I'm still dismantling hard-coded protective response behaviors and building modern me on an utterly self-constructed foundation. Now that she's dead I can talk to him again. If she comes up at all she was his ex-wife and I had no mother.
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Jul 11, 2023 22:30
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Recognizing just how much some people go on emotional autopilot with their demons in full control
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Nov 17, 2023 18:30
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