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StrixNebulosa posted:Apparently they’ve already been arguing about her wanting to be doped up for the birth because she can’t handle pain, and if it’s just her mom in the room, he won’t be able to ensure she doesn’t overrule him with the epidural. Why in the everlasting gently caress does HE get a say over HER pain management?!
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Aug 21, 2020 02:04
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I remember telling my mother once that I thought about killing myself and she screamed "You might as well get a gun and kill this whole family!" and she went on and on about how it would affect everyone, especially her. It never once occurred to her to find out WHY her kid was even contemplating such a thing; it was all about her. She'd cry that I didn't confide in her but any admission of sadness or anxiety or whatever would immediately result in her saying "Well, how do you think **I** feel?!" because of course she had it worse (spoiler alert: she didn't; she created most of her own stress by worrying incessantly). I can see now that her own undiagnosed anxiety and depression left a huge mark on her life and her dealings with everyone but at the time it was at best a nuisance and at worst, it distorted the whole gravitational field of the family by forcing all space-time to bend around her.
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Sep 8, 2020 18:43
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Pope Corky the IX posted:My father insisted for over a year that you need to turn a cell phone off to hang it up and always wondered why he never got any calls. My brother-in-law rarely has his phone on when he's out and about, because having it on wastes the battery and besides, he'll turn it on if he wants to make a call. 
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Nov 25, 2020 02:27
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I used to suck my finger and thumb when I was a kid and of course that hosed up my teeth (I feel like my earliest memories just consist of everyone being mad at me about the sucking and then mad at me for the teeth). I found out very recently from an older cousin that our grandmother had given my parents money to get my teeth fixed, and they bought a car instead. These are of course the same parents who would berate me for never smiling.
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Feb 2, 2021 10:18
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Pope Corky the IX posted:Anyone have that parent that actually enjoyed hearing about certain bad news in your life? One day when I was about 19, my mother called me while I was working at my part-time retail job. In the most sepulchral tones imaginable she said, "Drimble. [beat] Your father is in the hospital." Naturally I freak out and demand to know more, which she doles out in the slowest, most ghoulish way imaginable, till I get the whole story. Turns out my dad was out driving and got rear-ended; he had to go to the hospital to get checked out, and wound up with a neck injury/whiplash which was bad enough, certainly, but not the carnage or life-threatening emergency she had prepped me to expect. Later I was ranting to my sister about the overly dramatic, traumatizing way she had done this and she agreed that our mother absolutely relished the chance to drop a big dramabomb on her youngest kid. She didn't give a single gently caress about what it must have been like to get a phone call like that.
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Apr 18, 2021 18:28
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Picnic Princess posted:"Do you have an idea how difficult your illness is for ME to deal with? Do you have any idea how much your accident upset ME?" Jesus wept, my mother in two sentences.
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May 12, 2021 22:22
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Pookah posted:I got my weird worried puppy asleep in my arms and I'm not gonna move because it'll make him uncomfy. I love this good dog and it makes me feel better about human connections, because if I can care about making a little dog feel safe, then I'm not a gently caress up. They are, I'm ok Nothing feels better than earning the trust of a skittish animal. Enjoy that snuggle (hope you don't have to pee).
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May 14, 2021 23:33
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They wouldn't have been old enough to really remember a time before OP and her dad came along either, so it's not like OP barged in and wrecked the home they knew for a long time. I wonder if the mother treated the two older sisters differently, or if their dad (the first husband) poisoned things by saying she wasn't really part of the family or a valid family member.
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Jun 7, 2021 16:37
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There's something exhausting about the way they write, maybe because they rarely use punctuation within a sentence like commas or semicolons. Every sentence then just becomes this long, stilted drone of self-justification.
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Aug 12, 2021 00:12
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My parents were in their early 40s when they had me; my siblings were 16 months, 12, and 18.5 when I showed up, so it was like two families. The two older kids didn't seem to be around much when I was growing up (eldest was in another city altogether) and I think because my brother and I were almost certainly surprises, my parents were kind of OVER having kids. It didn't help that my mother went into menopause when I was little so she was dealing with that on top of having two small kids around. She had horrendous undiagnosed depression and anxiety which probably hit me the worst. I remember her pacing around and looking out the front door when my brother was out late in the evening (not LATE late, just around twilight) to the point where I fled to my room in a panic attack. Looking back now, I can see that I was having panic attacks pretty young off and on, which was at its worst from ages 17-23 and only got better when I was in grad school and basically walked into Student Health and threw myself on the floor sobbing because I couldn't function anymore. I got spanked once in school (grade one) for something I didn't do intentionally; thank Christ they didn't call home about it. (I'm Gen X age, for context) I got spanked at home sometimes, also struck across the face once and slapped on the legs, all by my dad. I remember him booting my brother in the rear end once for slamming the car door in an insolent manner. I think the last time was when I was 11 or so. I hated my dad for years which my mother continually held against me; it didn't help that a teacher overheard me saying that and called the house to find out why. I know the teacher meant well but that really affected my relationship with my mother for a long time. Mom never told my dad about it because she said it would kill him and he didn't deserve that and I was just an awful hateful bitch. She (mother, not teacher) spent most of her time being quietly weepy in her chair (wearing sunglasses indoors to hide her red eyes) and absolutely spiralling with worry over anything and everything. Once in a while she would have angry outbursts which she would then feign ignorance about; I remember her kicking my bedroom door hard enough that the doorknob left a hole in the wall. Much later she noticed the hole and asked what had happened, I told her she'd done it and she affected to not know anything about it. (she also once let my brother hit me across the face hard enough to knock my glasses down the length of the hallway but apparently that never happened either). Her depression and anxiety kind of set off my dad too; he would get fed up with her and they'd argue, which was fun. I never ever felt like they had my backs, or would stand up for me. I had a teacher who bullied me to the point where my eldest sibling was going to go the school and talk to him, but my mother talked them out of it. It's like our parents were zero-tolerance on us kids being snarky or willful but also wouldn't stand up for us either. By the time we were older teenagers, they were a lot better, to the point where my friends would envy me having such loving and kind parents; they didn't understand me scoffing at these comments and probably just thought I was being a teenaged rear end in a top hat. I got along with my parents once I was an adult; my dad died when I was in grad school and my mother never recovered from it, which is a whole other thing. I still remember them mainly with love, although after having written all that out I'm not shocked that I never had kids and never ever wanted any. The two oldest siblings understand part of it, like Dad's temper and Mom's depression/anxiety, but I don't think they quite get how bad it was and maybe they tell themselves that we were much worse kids than they were (god knows I constantly heard how awful I was compared to my loving, perfect, and obedient older sister). Strict and/or hair-trigger parents just create kids who are better liars. Considering they were born in the late1920s they weren't very well-equipped to deal with a couple of snotty Gen X kids, but still.
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Sep 10, 2021 04:48
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It should be obvious, but comparing siblings has probably wrecked more families than Fox News. I was forever being compared unfavourably to my flawless older sister, who was apparently kinder, more obedient, more loving and agreeable, you name it. I wasn't a BAD kid, just different, and it's almost like my parents went "OK this is what a daughter should be" and then gave me poo poo for being myself and not following the template. Strangely, my personality is much more like my eldest brother's, except he didn't get poo poo for being that way.
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Sep 10, 2021 20:14
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Just being siblings doesn't mean they get all the same genes though; I've seen marked differences in terms of intelligence, sensitivity, athletic or artistic ability etc. among full siblings close in age.
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Sep 10, 2021 20:57
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Snoop chat: my brother was dating a girl that the rest of the family absolutely hated (to be fair, we were correct about her) and my mother "found" an explicit note that the gf had written my brother. Mom then told me repeatedly about how disgusting it was, and how she had to immediately run to the bathroom and throw up. It was like she was victimized by this note (and now that I think about it, she probably very much felt that she was).
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Oct 22, 2021 00:15
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I think I spotted a future rejected parent in the wild. Last month someone at work took some days off due to issues with his son (think he even said the kid ran away). Today the dad was saying he would throw bangers (small fireworks) at the kid and once lit them under the kid's chair while he was sleeping, then told him to go sleep in his room. I was  but most people seemed to think it was...hilarious?!
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Nov 10, 2021 05:42
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That's appalling.  What ended up happening with your knee, may I ask? How is it now?
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Dec 25, 2021 01:11
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That does sound very similar to my situation, except I wasn't encouraged to loathe myself. She did seem to expect that everyone think of her first and foremost, and I also recall when young having all her problems dumped on me, grown-up stuff I could barely understand and certainly couldn't do anything about. Also forget trying to confide any anxieties or problems to her; as sure as the sun rising in the east this would be met with "Well how do you think ***I*** feel?!" and we'd be off to the races on that again. I'm sure I'm not the only kid whose parent(s) had set pieces or phrases that they would spew almost as if there was a string to pull in their back. "WELL HOW DO YOU THINK ***I*** FEEL?!" "I'm between the devil and the deep blue sea!" "I just want a happy family!" (said in the most abject tones, when the rest of the family was actually happier when she wasn't around, sad to say) (Looking back, my mother always carried on like she was a head of state in wartime, caught up in an unbelievable mass of pressures and contradictions and stress, over every little thing like "Dad wants potatoes but the kids want pasta this time" or if there was minor drama between two other family members which had absolutely nothing to do with her, but she felt compelled to somehow make herself the centre of it and be really stressed out and bent out of shape about it like she was trying and failing to negotiate peace in the Middle East and no one appreciated her) Drimble Wedge fucked around with this message at 01:00 on Mar 9, 2022 |
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Mar 9, 2022 00:55
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| # ¿ May 13, 2024 02:44 |
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Xlorp posted:My mother passed this morning. I have no idea if or when I'm going to feel anything about that. There's no right or wrong here, and it's normal for feelings to change and come and go, like the way light changes in a forest. I hope you have good support around you.
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Aug 21, 2022 23:19
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