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Man, I hate the fact that I see a lot of my mom in these posts. We've got a decent enough relationship even though she came from an extremely broken home and a lot of that bled through into my childhood. I wouldn't be surprised if my Aunt was on this site though. She threw a fit at my mom over having to wait 10 minutes for my mom to get home to let her in the house, and has currently held that grudge for 10 years running, and she's some level of estranged from 2 of her kids.
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Jul 16, 2019 04:31
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Xik posted:If you've been abusive or otherwise a loving garbage parent, I don't think your kids are going to shed many tears when you die. This isn't true. My uncle was an abusive prick and his kids are still torn up about how poo poo their relationship was and how it never got repaired before he died.
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Aug 5, 2019 04:06
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LadyPictureShow posted:My dad's thing was often 'I'm sorry but', like he's trying to justify his reason for his lovely behavior, and expects me to go 'Ah yes, I see. How logical.' My mom does that but her justification is always something i did, always my fault.
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Sep 6, 2019 06:36
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Pope Corky the IX posted:Also, if your mother has already tried "I have to drink myself to sleep every night" expect that to escalate. When I first cut contact with my family there was about a year of texts, voicemails, emails, etc from my sister telling me that my mother might have COPD, my niece may have broken her leg in an accident, my father may have had another heart attack, etc. I never ever responded, even though I badly wanted to reply "Why are you calling me instead of 911?" Eventually the constant barrage stopped, but my sister will still get drunk every few months and either be "I miss my brother, my kids miss their uncle, mom and dad miss their son" or "You're the worst brother/uncle/son in the world" My stepfather faked a cancer scare when I cut him out of my life for how he was abusing my mom and straining the "functional" in being a functional alcoholic. Didn't work. Speaking of the same man, when he finally went to rehab and got dry, I got to hear second hand about how he was all apologetic for the poo poo he pulled on me and my mom growing up, but somehow despite that he's never actually managed to apologize for anything even once, even now that he's not being outright cut out anymore and I'm willing to visit my mom when he's there?
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Apr 8, 2021 19:02
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Dr. Stab posted:I got my adhd diagnosis as a kid. Didn't help temper my mother though. I feel like it got worse after I was medically certified lazy. My mom treated my adhd diagnosis like being diagnosed as retarded (her wording). I didn't get poo poo for help dealing with it until I was 25. Obviously the doctors and teachers were wrong, as I wasn't stupid.
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Apr 25, 2021 02:00
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Hello visiting RP friends. It's not that hard to not estrange your kids lmao. My mom had a legitimately abusive childhood that caused her to have legitimate anger issues, and while she can be a bit much some times (I've vented in this thread about her behavior), we still have a decent relationship because she has worked on bettering herself, isn't a raging narcissist, and has been willing to admit fault. We're even taking the kid out to see her this weekend. It's gonna be fun, family times! 😁
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May 27, 2021 16:44
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Aardvark! posted:i had no idea vilerat's mom went around shilling for the gop but now i know and it's loving hilarious If I recall correctly, she would have been a candidate for this thread back when Vilerat was alive. I feel bad for his wife and kids, trying to get over his untimely death while grandma tries to make it all about herself on national television.
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May 27, 2021 18:21
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I always forget about Father's day because my biodad was a deadbeat rear end in a top hat who knocked my mom up while he was engaged (My mom didn't know that at the time). The dude not only refused to be even a little in my life, but also forced my half brother to not play any sporting event that I was in, because they didn't even want to risk having to be in the same bleachers as my mom and I. The only contact I have had with that side of the family is my Aunt who was disowned from that side of the family for being a lesbian, and even that was... 16 years ago. My stepdad wasn't too bad growing up, but he nosedived really hard into alcoholism and becoming just the worst kind of narcist prick around the time I started going to college. He's gone dry and is doing better, but I've been clear about not really reopening up a real family relationship with him until he apologizes for the poo poo he pulled, and he's never done so so here we are.
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Jun 22, 2021 16:03
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OMFG FURRY posted:my pet theory is that abusive folks tend to view their family as property/slaves and one of the Big Things in Western Law is that you have absolute dominion over things you own, thus you have free reign over other persons in private spaces. property isn't suppose to talk back or not listen, and this further inflames whatever malicious feelings the owner already has bubbling in their maladjusted brains. My personal thought, relating to my own hosed up family, is that a lot of abusive folks seem to prize the appearance of normalcy and family harmony over everything. My parents were able to rage out on car rides to church/family and then immediately flip a switch whenever we arrived to church/family, just to go back into abuse mode the second we were back in the car. Me not being able to flip the switch and staying upset got a lot of superficial "caring", and then even more yelling after the fact. Both my parents had loving godawful childhoods (both were children of alcoholics, and both were sexually abused as children with their parents not believing/caring), so I definitely agree with it being generational. When my mom started realizing how hosed things were getting and actually got therapy, she actually realized that she was excusing a lot of poo poo she did in the moment just because her dad was far worse. And I'm glad for that, because I was drat close to taking a job across the country just to get away from everyone until then.
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Jun 21, 2022 13:09
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ElHuevoGrande posted:My dad was his family's golden child and my mother was sexually abused so it's obviously generational. But my problem with digging into the whys is the same with all these articles you see trying to understand and empathize with Chuds - they're still bad people. I was abused too and yet I don't neglect and abuse animals like my mother. I wouldn't use child support to pay down my mortgage early and let 5 kids go hungry. I'd rather die than violate someone's physical boundaries the way my mother did to me. For me, I can be empathetic if someone's baggage causes them to occasionally lapse into assholish behavior. I won't condone or put up with it, but I'm not gonna drat someone for it. The reason I still have a relationship with my mother is because she's worked to better herself. I'm still pissed about the anxiety issues my childhood caused me, but we can't go back and fix it, and she's at least been apologetic about it. Someone like my Aunt who had far less trauma growing up, being the golden child, and still ended up being a bitter chud who has spent the last 40 years supplementing her lifestyle by begging for money from my grandmother and stealing from anyone she could (One example: She badgered my grandmother into letting her liquidate a bunch of CDs that were meant for my cousins/my tuition by claiming that she needed it to make rent and get the down payment on buying the place outright. She then immediately bailed on the place and told everyone that she didn't have to pay it back because she lost the house). She can go gently caress herself and I'm loving that 2/3rds of her kids have all but fully separated.
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Jun 21, 2022 21:48
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Danaru posted:When my grandma (mom's mom) died, my mom said I should reach out to my dad before it's too late, and I said "(Grandma) is dead and the world is a better place for it" That was my mom and grandmother's attitude towards my great grandmother dying. I thought it was cruel when I was a kid but as I got older... I get it. SulfurMonoxideCute posted:Yeah, absolutely gently caress that. There have been three confirmed child molesters in my mother's side of the family alone, never once were any of them held accountable and we were all just supposed to accept it and move on because fAmiLY. I loving HATE it. My grandmother is generally a decent person and has run herself ragged helping others to her own personal detriment, but for whatever horrific reason has a massive blindspot over the family members who've been molested, including my mom. And it looks like it runs in the family because one of her cousins let it slip that her dad molested her a few years ago and my mom's reaction after that was "oh, Geno would never do that, I don't believe it".
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Oct 6, 2022 18:29
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BrigadierSensible posted:This is because if they do believe it then they have to believe that Geno is a bad person doing bad things. But they have been friendly/close with Geno. So if they believe it then that means they have been close/friendly with a bad person doing bad things. And that would make them a bad person by association. I mean, I liked Geno growing up. I didn't spend much time with him, but he seemed like a nice guy and his kids didn't turn into useless chuds like most of my grandma's other siblings. But I'm not gonna flat out disregard an accusation like that, especially when it's already widely known and accepted that his ex abused the kids horribly. Unfortunately, the guy probably did it. I'm not gonna push it since we're not close with his side of the family despite living in the same metropolitan area, and he's been dead a few years, but disregarding it out of hand is real lovely.
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Oct 9, 2022 01:39
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DontMockMySmock posted:My dad wasn't nearly as bad as some of the stories y'all are sharing, but I was reminded of this. There was so many loving times growing up where I got asked to grab something from somewhere (usually in the garage/basement), I couldn't find it, got screamed at for it, and then when my mom/stepdad got off their lazy rear end to go get it themselves, it turns out it wasn't actually there! HKR posted:When I start gaslighting myself about how my family treated me when growing up and convince myself that I'm actually the rear end in a top hat for moving across the country and cutting them off, I read this thread and find so many stories from people here that mirror my own. It's a great sanity check. This thread's great. I have not cut my mom off but reading this thread a few years ago gave me the kick in the rear end to stop second guessing myself about confronting her over the nasty habits she had and a bunch of poo poo that went down with my childhood. It's worked out pretty well since it got her to realize she needed therapy/counselling extremely badly, and our relationship is far better now. It doesn't un-gently caress my childhood, but nothing was gonna do that.
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May 5, 2023 01:57
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tater_salad posted:People you have no obligation to take care of your parents in old age.. that's their job. I'm willing to help my mom out when/if she ever actually retires but she's a great example of why you shouldn't feel responsible for family members' retirement. Between keeping both parents comfortable in retirement, and subsidizing/enabling several family members for years, she's hosed her savings/retirement hard. When my mom had surgery my stepdad's sister had the loving balls to ask if I'd maintain the financial arrangement they've got if something happened to my mother. Haha, no. Vampire Panties posted:P. sure I've shared this, but when my ndad found out my moving trailer was stolen, he made up a bunch of lies about being behind on his mortgage payment and convinced me to My Aunt pulled this scam on my pitiful college fund when I was a kid. Begged and harassed my mom and grandmother for money when her trailer was about to be repossessed, took a couple thousand, then moved to an apartment and told everyone she didn't have to pay us back because her trailer got repo'd 
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May 9, 2023 22:25
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Tunicate posted:Have you looked into the temple to make sure it's not some small cult superficially presenting themselves as Orthodox Judaism? I dunno if this is a new thing but drat if the only cults I've had anyone I know join were totally "Christian/Jewish" rather than the New age scientology style stuff. One of my mom's cousins joined a church that literally picked a marriage match for him and shipped her across the country to marry within like a month of him joining. His church only let his parents attend the ceremony and nobody else, because it was at some compound down South. You might be surprised to find out said marriage is not going well! Also if you count prosperity gospel churches as a cult, I know way too many relatives of friends of mine who are into that poo poo.
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May 30, 2023 20:22
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Ghost Leviathan posted:Indeed, better a deadbeat than someone who abuses you like it's a competitive sport. Yeah, my biodad wasn't in the picture at all and the more I learn about that side of the family, the more I am insanely grateful for it.
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Jun 6, 2023 01:42
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