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trickybiscuits posted:Hmm, I wonder what things her son and daughter-in-law might have accused her of . . . oh. I know there's a lot to process in this mess, but something small that I think is easy to overlook is that when the mom is asked what she is willing to do to get time with her son and grandchildren, all she was willing to do was pray about it. She offers absolutely nothing - she isn't happy to meet on their terms, isn't happy to stop doing the things they don't like, she doesn't even pretend that she's going to change her behavior or listen to them. "I'll sit on my rear end and pray to God that you do what I want while I keep doing what I'm doing" is what she's saying. I wouldn't trust her with my kids either.
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Sep 12, 2019 03:37
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SHY NUDIST GRRL posted:Yeah. No one says literally "Yes I am moving the goal posts. We are doing this to punish you." I dunno, I could see a man that has had to deal with a histrionic mother-in-law that twists everything into oppression Olympics rolling his eyes and sarcastically saying that.
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Oct 19, 2019 18:30
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Relentless posted:watches in horror as mom flies to Africa to illegally hunt an endangered rhinoceros and still writes a passive aggressive apology letter about her and includes several guilt trips while insulting other family members who took your side Followed by a torrent of Facebook posts about how she apologized exactly as she was supposed to even though she totally did nothing wrong and that ED/ES is cutting her off again for NO REASON and moving the goalposts YET AGAIN and clearly she needs to just go over to that child's place and give them a piece of her mind
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Nov 12, 2019 23:38
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gamingCaffeinator posted:I imagine so. My parents made a point of saying "Well, we never hit you or anything, how can you say you were abused?" It's like physical pain is the only thing they can comprehend as actually 'bad and painful'. There's also a lot of overlap between "We never hit you, " and "'Spanking' (or other physical punishment) isn't hitting. " My mom hit me with her hand and a wood dowel but swears neither counts as hitting so it's fine.
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Nov 21, 2019 05:48
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Picnic Princess posted:My mom texted me a few days ago to wish me a happy birthday. There was no attack in the text, which I'm really not used to. I didn't have the courage to respond. I'm going through some major difficulties right now and I fear it will be just like before, endless criticism and blame, gaslighting, narcissistic guilt-tripping. Cycling back around to me begging her to stop and just try to get along, only to be given the silent treatment again. It's been over 20 years of this, I have zero confidence anything has changed. People aren't entitled to infinite chances from you.
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Dec 5, 2019 03:00
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trickybiscuits posted:The others posters agreed that she was. I'm fairly stunned, since "I demand to be in the room for the birth and they won't let me reeeeeee" has come up before and the estranged parents have commisserated on the cruelty and unfairness of it.
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Jan 13, 2020 22:31
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The biggest tell that this might be fake is how detailed the account of the son and DIL's retorts are. Usually is a vague "They wouldn't listen and just ATTACKED me calling me SELFISH to want to be there for my GRANDCHILD as if that's selfish" or "They snapped at me and refused to understand."
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Jan 16, 2020 02:37
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Picnic Princess posted:So the other day I got a string of messages from my father begging me to let him explain himself so we can be a family again. No, it doesn't expire. He 100% created a new account and found your profile through a mutual friend - a comment, a friend list, etc. All that you can do is block his new account, double-check your privacy settings again, and change your profile pic/name. I'm sorry you had to deal with him again. That sounds awful.
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Jan 25, 2020 23:31
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Based on the number of times she startled the opossum alone I can see why she's alone.
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Feb 1, 2020 04:55
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Less Is Definitely posted:Goddamn, the term “narcissist”, when used online, apparently means nothing more than “people whose behavior seems selfish to me”. We love to declare people insane, especially people we don’t like. Narcissism isn't "insanity." But otherwise, yeah, for every person that uses the term correctly there are 5 people using it to mean "This person doesn't do what I want them to do!"
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Mar 1, 2020 15:02
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My estranged sister works as a secretary/admin assistant at a local hospital. Apparently she reassured all her 20-30yo friends that since she's a 'medical professional' she knows about Covid and hosted a massive party at her house. When she got called out she said the family was treating her as the black sheep again and threw another big party the following weekend. Now she's drunk dialing family members at night to scream and cry at them for 'ostracizing her' because she can't understand how a stay-at-home order works. My stepdad recently re-connected with his estranged brother due to the covid crisis. Estranged brother opened the conversation with conspiracy theories about how the virus isn't real, this is how they will instill martial law and steal presidency from Trump, 5G towers are merely activating RFID chips, etc. Stepdad bought it hook, line, sinker and started repeating it (argumentatively) to my mom and aunt. My mom, who is a respitory therapist and has had to work every day the last 3 weeks due the pandemic. My aunt, who is an ICU nurse at the other hospital. They responded exactly as you might imagine, and he's since deleted his FAcebook and turned off his phone and not talking to anyone.
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Apr 7, 2020 19:17
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Pope Corky the IX posted:One of my favorite recurring bits is "my estranged child was here for five hours, I asked them hundreds of questions during that time and they didn't have an answer for anything" More specifically, they bombarded him with accusatory questions for 5 hours, but dismissed all his answers. Which is super convenient, because that means they must be right and don't need to reflect on their behavior or change in any way!
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Apr 24, 2020 14:37
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LyonsLions posted:The way she includes the racism thing yet tries to make it sound preposterous makes it 100% certain that the racism is the reason and she knows it. The way she includes the "my grandchild"/"HER child" thing yet tries to make it sound preposterous makes it 100% certain she also tried playing the 'grandparent's rights!!1!" card and ED was having none of it.
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Apr 24, 2020 23:36
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She didn't say 'nurse' - she said 'medical provider.' My sister works at a hospital, doing scheduling. She has zero medical education, training, or experience. You better believe she has lovely opinions about COVID-19 and tells people, "I know what I'm talking about, I'm a medical worker."
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Jun 2, 2020 17:33
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trickybiscuits posted:Jesus Christ died for the sins of all humanity, still somehow suffered less than this woman (I tried to format but gave up after a while) Its crazy that one sentence has her wishing ill on him for revenge for her hurt feelings, then literally the next sentence after is about her wanting him to have a good life.
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Jun 4, 2020 15:20
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PooInAnAlleyway posted:If I had a penny for every time I see some iteration in these rants of this lovely belief they all have, that their adult child is stupid and empty-headed enough to be manipulated by the person they're loving, that their adult son or daughter isn't intelligent enough to be able to see the abusive and toxic behaviour of their parents for what it is, now that they're in a relationship with a well-adjusted person, that their once again ADULT child is being conned out of contact with them... No, because these are the parents who: 1) say "I know they are grown now but they will always be my child to me," and 2) they don't think their behavior is inappropriate. Its the in-laws family that is too strict, overly lax, etc.
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Jun 16, 2020 01:53
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trickybiscuits posted:Same poster for both quotes: Taking bets on if all her writing is about her estranged kids, who are trying to defend themselves.
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Jun 16, 2020 17:57
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Cowman posted:Has anyone in here called CPS in Michigan? I called sometime last year on my wife's stepmom who is neglecting her granddaughter and they told me I was going to get some paperwork when the case was closed. It's been a year or so and I know covid's slowing poo poo down but I'm just wondering if anyone actually got a file or something after calling them. I've heard a lot of misinformation (mostly blaming my wife which makes me believe it's completely wrong) and want to know the truth whether they actually did anything or not. The misinformation has been pretty wild though, going everywhere from saying that the cops said that my wife called (I called them and I even called about this and it's a felony to reveal this info) to the case has been closed to the abusive grandfather getting hair follicle tested for drug use. I've had to call CPS for a couple of my clients when I lived in Michigan. It was difficult to even get them to go out, and difficult to get documentation form them. You'll have to follow up a lot. Best of luck to you - its incredibly frustrating.
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Jun 30, 2020 22:45
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RoboRodent posted:The college was calling her to tell her that her adult son was misbehaving in his classes? I suppose it might happen if he was a freshman who wasn't a legal adult and got in huge, massive trouble. At 18 it would be a FERPA violation. Related note, I'm a university professor and you'd be amazed how often estranged parents contact me demanding information on their 25yo son/daughter.
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Sep 11, 2020 14:52
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BaronVonVaderham posted:Driving lessons rant time...... I took my driver's test with this crotchety old woman. She was absolutely vile. After inspecting my car, she introduced herself by saying, "I'm So-and-so, the examiner. We will begin the exam now. Once the car doors close, you are not allowed to speak until the test is over. If you say a word before the test is done, you will fail this exam. Let's begin." We drove in silence. At one point we were at an incredibly long red light. She stared at me the whole time. I saw a funny billboard, can't even remember what it was now, and made the mistake of having a single, quiet chuckle. We finish the exam and start the debriefing. I passed! With only 2 minor faults! But the examiner is pissed that I laughed at a billboard. Pissed. Like I poo poo in her coffee. She goes on a good 10-minute rant on how she should be failing me right now because I clearly can't follow driving laws if I can't follow the instruction not to speak, and how that laugh indicated a deep-seated anxiety disorder about driving that meant I wasn't safe on the road, how can I be so disrespectful, such a stupid little girl, it was only a matter of time before I got myself or someone else killed, etc. etc. I don't say a word because I'm terrified if I do, that 'pass' will become a 'fail.' My mom is there and doesn't say a word. The examiner leaves, and I burst into tears. All the nervousness and awkwardness from the test and the barrage of insults combine and I'm a mess. "Shut up, what are you crying for? You passed!" "Didn't you hear any of the last 10 minutes?" "If you're crying over that maybe you are the idiot she says you are. Let's go home." "Can you drive us back? I don't want to drive upset." "You're loving ridiculous, you passed, you're driving." "Can I have a minute?" "No, I have poo poo to do. Get going." So I take the wheel while my mother continues the examiner's insults for the 30 minutes we drove back, including calling up family on her mobile phone to repeat all the insults again. "Dienes passed the test but the examiner thought she was an insolent little poo poo, and based on how she tried to refuse to drive us back, I'm inclined to agree..." Literally all she had to do was give me 5 minutes for the panic attack to subside.
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Sep 14, 2020 14:47
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Literally A Person posted:Tell the brother his wife should get an abortion since they're gonna be homeless and that's no condition to have a baby in. This.
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Sep 17, 2020 16:13
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WeedlordGoku69 posted:yeah that's an abusive parent trying to make themselves look good, and they'd mostly be succeeding with everyone who doesn't know exactly what to look for if it weren't for that line. Its a laundry list of depression symptoms, too. But you just KNOW that if she hadn't successfully browbeat the kid as much as she had into sitting in silence afraid to move, she'd be saying how the 17yo shouldn't move out because she is too impulsive, flighty, loud, obnoxious, etc.
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Oct 20, 2020 19:24
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Krispy Wafer posted:Maybe it's a generational thing. Perhaps her mom didn't have things like internships in the old days when she was 17 way back in ***checks notes*** 1997. That's a really wordy way of saying the mom is gen X.
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Oct 20, 2020 22:09
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Cythereal posted:The relationships thread has another estranged parent! This one is suspicious because he is articulating her position so clearly instead of just going, "She accused me of being selfish when I was busy working 60 hours a week supporting this family, because she wanted to go to some random party instead."
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Oct 27, 2020 16:49
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BaronVonVaderham posted:That said, I doubt any of the new content is incoming from me. We just text very formally and briefly on holidays, so really if I found out he voted for Trump again I just finally block his number and cut that last fraying thread. Search your feelings. You already know how he voted. teen witch posted:a. for all those having to see a lovely persons true colors today, remember that the block buttons are free and should be used freely. don’t feel ashamed. Just to add to this since I know some folks can potentially experience the "HOW DARE YOU BLOCK ME!!" tantrum and would rather avoid it - you can unfollow folks so they don't appear in your timeline, mute them, and under most settings, you can control what posts of yours they can see. I know this isn't perfect, but there are more options if you need space.
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Nov 3, 2020 20:08
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Epitope posted:Could be good Agreed - the parent would 100% interpret 'would' as a promise to accommodate if they texted at 2am the night before because that is certainly sufficient advanced notice.
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Nov 10, 2020 22:03
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In an update OP said he was sticking with his boundaries and standing his ground with his grandpa's support. He should have told the dad that maybe he'll re-connect after a 4-year-hiatus.
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Nov 23, 2020 17:32
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trickybiscuits posted:That's part of the reason I shared it here- I wanted to see if anyone had any ideas! No, there's no way it could have happened. OP's bank probably linked to the daughter's bank's website and "the link would give her access to all my funds" was really the OP having online access to all their funds because they were signed in to their online account. These people are so dumb they make me wonder if I'm crazy. Or she got a phishing email and assumed it was from her kid and didn't bother to apply critical thinking to it since it justified her "My kid is poo poo and I'm always right" stance.
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Nov 24, 2020 21:38
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HelloIAmYourHeart posted:idk, Christmas is a pretty big deal in a lot of families. It might not be that much of a baby step. Yeah but this year you at least have another excuse to fall back on if you need it.
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Dec 14, 2020 01:06
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BrigadierSensible posted:What do these arsehole parents who call their kids "abusive" for not visiting actually want from those visits? They don't enjoy their kids company but they do enjoy arguing, belittling, harassing, etc. other people, and their kids historically have been the softest targets.
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Jan 5, 2021 00:30
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hallo spacedog posted:That's bizarre because it's not even like remotely like your standard munchausen's by proxy MO, it's just incomprehensible. It almost reads to me like the mom saw the daughter as future competition/threat and sabotaged her as much as possible to keep her in her place.
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Jan 12, 2021 21:33
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Arcella posted:His wife knew this would happen she needs griping at too. Yeah, he's naïve if he sees the wife telling her mom and then not sticking up for him at all as isolated events. He's in for a lifetime of this.
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Jan 16, 2021 05:06
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PetraCore posted:And yet, somehow Ivanka Trump arose. I don't think her father contributed much to the actual raising.
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Jan 17, 2021 05:49
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Literally A Person posted:There's this kid that lives next door to me. His parents have him living in a travel trailer where our property lines meet. This kid lives in the poo poo. Dirty, cold and constantly getting yelled at by his parents. Constantly. He just turned 11. He invited me and my son over. To the trailer. I couldn't do it. I can't let my kid see that kind of dysfunction. Not yet at least. I got the kid a little $10 lego set for his birthday and he acted like it was loving treasure. I'm feeling really conflicted about what to do. Maybe it's just that I'm kind of in an emotional state right now but this is troubling me a lot recently. I'm having a really hard time knowing a kid is living like that. Like, here. Next to me. I talk to him and he's sweet. He just offered to fry us a tortilla as he was going inside to cook for himself. You take a few photos if you can get away with it and you contact CPS.
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Jan 21, 2021 02:07
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So they waited to get married until after mom died, and are only asking OP to attend for the attention/gifts, right? Because that's how it reads to me.
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Mar 17, 2021 20:43
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Sisal Two-Step posted:I really enjoyed the post where he talked about how he sat them both down and explained how important his last name was to him... as though the wife's last name wasn't important to her? You see, a woman subsumes her identity within the man's when a hetero couple gets married. If she doesn't, she doesn't really love him, and if he takes her name - like a woman - it is just unnatural and wrong, because rabid internalized sexism seems to be a boomer parent requirement. Just like how your purpose as a woman is to pump out grandbabies for them and play nursemaid as they get older. They don't see it as important to her as it isn't (she isn't) important to them. Then they wonder why she doesn't like them.
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Apr 22, 2021 16:18
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I like how this one implies the children belong to the grandparents and the DIL is not part of the family she married into, on top of the insinuation that the DIL is abusing the children. 
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May 21, 2021 12:55
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ElHuevoGrande posted:Negative reinforcement is the only way, ideally via withdrawal of contact. Words with my parents are just an opportunity to play games, and literally anything that provides them with more attention is a win for them. My brothers and sisters have all stopped taking my mom's calls for this reason. I'm the last holdout because I can't figure out how to cut her off without getting a huge baby temper tantrum in return. Delaying responses to her texts and not picking up her calls seems to have just created a frantic, desperate need to make up more reasons to contact me. Rutibex posted:you have to train your parents with negative reinforcement. when you politely ask them to respect boundaries you are validating their power. Negative reinforcement is when you reward someone by taking away or preventing something unpleasant. A headache subsiding after taking medications is negative reinforcement. Talking to them to re-iterate your boundaries after they harass you is not. Denying them contact no matter how much they pester, stalk, and harass you is extinction. When extinction is in place, you may get something called an extinction burst - this is when they try harder, longer, escalate, etc. because what has worked in the past no longer works. This is when they show up on the doorstep, threaten suicide, etc. because the old means stopped working. This is temporary so long as the renewed attempts don't get reinforced. The problem is that they often escalate to a point you can't ignore - they show up at work and your boss makes you go see them to get them to go away, for example. And this interaction, however unpleasant, is positive reinforcement for them - positive in that they are accessing your attention (when talking about reinforcement, the positive part means added, not "appropriate" or "good"). If they had a choice between fawning adoration and screaming matches, they might prefer the former, but the choice they have is cold, begrudging attention or none, and they'll take what they can get. The difficulty with extinction is that in most cases, it needs to be pretty drat perfect to work. Occasionally responding - reminding them of your boundaries, threatening to call police - is still attention to them, and if it happens every so often its like a slot machine effect: they are going to pull the lever constantly in hopes of that next jackpot, whatever it is. I'm not saying the harassment is the fault of the person trying to establish boundaries, they are doing the best with the knowledge, spoons, etc. they have. I'm saying 'negative reinforcement' doesn't work the way pop culture says it does and doing it wrong can make things worse instead of better. I'm not saying don't sever - you need to sever. The trick is to front load a lot of the attention - give them something written with your boundaries like a text or email so they can't claim to forget (and you don't feel obligated to remind them). Tell them ONCE, and not as a canned response to every instance of poor behavior. Express your boundaries with other people so they know not to facilitate the parent. If you're on good terms with the boss, tell them not to admit the parent or share your schedule. Have an escape plan in case they show up. Block phone numbers and email addresses, lock down social media profiles, install a Ring doorbell. If you can weather the storm, you can outlast them until the calm.
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Jul 10, 2021 20:49
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Dongsturm posted:Psychologists confirming what everyone already knew - estranged parents blame manipulative spouses and mental illness rather than looking at themselves. If you can't get it from sci-hub or find it on ResearchGate or Google Scholar, just email the corresponding author. They can usually share their own articles and are too excited someone is actually reading it to say no.
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Oct 12, 2021 14:00
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Shugojin posted:There is probably a therapist of some kind who could work towards helping Anna control this but it doesn't sound like the parents are interested in this. no there is only permanent estrangement or having your sister sexually assault your husband on your wedding day, no other options.
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Oct 17, 2021 01:25
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