Register a SA Forums Account here!
JOINING THE SA FORUMS WILL REMOVE THIS BIG AD, THE ANNOYING UNDERLINED ADS, AND STUPID INTERSTITIAL ADS!!!

You can: log in, read the tech support FAQ, or request your lost password. This dumb message (and those ads) will appear on every screen until you register! Get rid of this crap by registering your own SA Forums Account and joining roughly 150,000 Goons, for the one-time price of $9.95! We charge money because it costs us money per month for bills, and since we don't believe in showing ads to our users, we try to make the money back through forum registrations.
 
  • Post
  • Reply
teen witch
Oct 9, 2012




cool cool cool cool cool my OG OP was borked so now all we have is this


teen witch fucked around with this message at 21:59 on Sep 13, 2019

Adbot
ADBOT LOVES YOU

teen witch
Oct 9, 2012




Barudak posted:

Not gonna lie a few years ago I came across the issendai thing, maybe from another thread here, and it hit me how much it explained and matched a family members behavior and booooooy howdy does that mean I probably wont be back to this thread much since thinking about them causes a real skyrocket of the ol blood pressure.

Totally understandable, Iíve been off and on estranged from my dad since I was a kid, so do what you need to.

He isnít as bad as the issendal link but still...thereís a reason why both my sister and I keep our distance.

teen witch
Oct 9, 2012




Barudak posted:

Its why reading these can be revelatory for people who experience this because holy poo poo every single one of these could have come from my person

Actually, itís why I decided to do the thread: my father most likely has NPD and this behavior is like ďif Trump wasnít name dropped, Iíd sincerely believe it was himĒ.

In some ways itís almost cathartic to read knowing that, oh god, there are people just as bonkers as him, and there are kids who are being portrayed as the absolute devil, just like me.

teen witch
Oct 9, 2012




itís a safe space for expressing the sentiment of ďParents Just Donít Understand*Ē


*how to treat their kids like autonomous adults

teen witch
Oct 9, 2012




LyonsLions posted:

She was trying to ensure that her toxic bullshit continued to gently caress with people from beyond the grave. She also demanded to be buried with my father-in-law and that his wife of nearly 50 years be buried elsewhere.

Iím impressed on her commitment to being such a lovely person.

E: also what MasBrilliante said, this is an E/N thread disguised as an ALOD discussion. Sharing war stories.

More content:

quote:

Fatherís Day and Motherís Day can be so hard. My outlook: My daughter will never be able to change the fact that I am her mother. She carries my heritage, my genes, and yes, my looks. She came on to this earth because I made a choice to have her. So she can say and do the awful things she has but she canít alter how she came to be. No matter how hard she seeks out alternative families. No matter how hard she has tried to erase me.

Mjmom, no matter how hard your daughter tries, she will never be able to erase that part of her dad (or you) which lies within her.

ďSheíll never be rid of you, she isnít her own person but merely an appendage of me!Ē

teen witch fucked around with this message at 21:18 on Jul 12, 2019

teen witch
Oct 9, 2012




OP has been updated, however Iím on mobile and Awful is being...Awful. Iíll check it over once Iím back home in desktop.

In the mean time, keep in mind that Rejected Parents is a forum that is related to a book, Done With The Crying.

Hereís a Good Housekeeping article about the author, Sherri MacGregor:

https://www.goodhousekeeping.com/life/parenting/a46619/sheri-mcgregor-estrangement-mother-son/

And hereís a r/raisedbynarcissists post that should be read AFTER the GH link:

https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/comments/9ba12h/just_read_sheri_mcgregors_nrag_done_with_the/

The authors estranged daughter in law commented and checking on her post history...yeah, seems mommie dearest left out a few key details in her book. Again,

(Not intending on posting more from r/RBN going forward but in context itís cool if yíall need to do it. Whatever helps)

teen witch fucked around with this message at 05:28 on Jul 13, 2019

teen witch
Oct 9, 2012




Koalas March posted:

I don't think it would have bothered me as much if it wasn't like, literally the day after I had to tell the doctors to pull the plug on him.

Honestly that's just a fun anecdote, idk if I'm ready to start posting my childhood trauma for goons to pick apart. That said I still love my mom, I genuinely believe tried her best when I was a kid but she became a hosed up person from her own childhood trauma.

share what you wish, no obligation. I love my dad too but turns out brutal civil wars and a low key genocide fucks with a kid. Still keeping my distance because while it may explain who he is, it certainly doesnít loving excuse his behavior towards me.

quote:

This may be a little long. (back ground) I am/was a mother to three, two boys and a girl. While married to their father for nine years, I suffered emotional and physical abuse. My ex fractured my hip, caused severe disc problems and shook me. Turns out he was diagnosed bi-polar. I finally went to a support group called ALIVE which helped me to understand I was not at fault and the relationship was toxic and so I left and divorced my ex. I fell in love two years later with my new husband and we have been married for 32 yrs.

As a mother of three, my eldest son died at 33 yrs old on 12/31/2011 at 10:39pm. He had childhood and adult onset paranoia schizophrenia. My middle child, a girl who is 37 yrs old and married her high school sweet heart, she is now a mother and has the cutest little girl. My youngest son (35 yrs old) has had very little to do with me since around 18 yrs old, but more so since his brotherís death.

My youngest son is/was a heroin junkie from 17yrs old and is now taking Butran (a drug they give you to get off heroin) probably still relapses,he is alt-left and an atheist. I paid for 4 stays in rehab, went to the family counseling, etc. no judgement. I am a Conservative Libertarian and a Christian. I have never forced my religious or political beliefs down his throat. He has always been somewhat aloof except when he needed my help. He and I have not spoken of his brotherís death, and he has refused to do so.

Last September 2018, I called him and asked why he didnít want much to do with me. He said he couldnít deal with it and it would have to ďtabledĒ until later and we ended our conversation abruptly after that. My son lives in Alaska and is a chef. He has a close relationship with his sister and visits her twice a year. She also had started to pull away, rarely calling, not answering my calls.

I am a very strong woman, had to be. I worked as a VP of Contracts any Finance for a DoD Army Contractor for 25 years, took full time care of my eldest son and tried to be the best parent I could be.

These past two weeks I have decided I wanted to know what was going on with my son. He would send cryptic emails, not coming right out saying he didnít want anything with me, but hinted all around it. These emails made me furious, so I called and left a voice message stating ďwhy canít you grow a pair, man up and just say if donít want anything to do with me. Well this morning I received an email from him. See below

ďDear Mom,

To the point.
Our relationship has inflicted major trauma on me. I am working through it. I believe our relationship is dysfunctional at itís bestÖ and toxic at itís worst. I developed really horrible coping mechanisms as a result. Now that I can see the past as an adult. itís so clear.

I thinking going into the details wouldnít serve either of us. I think you wouldnít take responsibility and it would backfire on me.

I am going to do whatís best for me.

If you canít understand that, I am sorry. Though I know I am doing whatís best for me.

I need time and understanding to even consider working with you to build something new and positive.

I am open to that that though if you are. maybe we can eventually put this all behind us.Ē

Well Iím not open to it. Am I wrong for wanting to say f*** off?

teen witch fucked around with this message at 12:56 on Jul 13, 2019

teen witch
Oct 9, 2012




SpaceSDoorGunner posted:

In a way itís a sort of micro boomer variation on inceldom, you get a bunch of people who focus on some sort of non-specific social lack that is considered part of a normal life they feel entitled too, and it spirals into a group who builds their identity around a false victimhood and denial of their lovely personality as a contributing factor.

Iíve never thought about this before, this makes a ton of loving sense.

teen witch
Oct 9, 2012





This is it, this is the thread video.

teen witch
Oct 9, 2012




Slaan posted:

Great decision, I'm no longer depressed and anxiety ridden 24/7 after estranging myself from their bs. Instead my wife's weird but loving family has shown me what I should have had as a kid

Can I get a hell yeah?!

teen witch
Oct 9, 2012




SweetWillyRollbar posted:

Did she stick her fingers in her nose when asking?
https://youtu.be/-x068o6Wtw4

See, these ungrateful kids should have been under the tutelage of Randy Tutelage - then theyíd respect their mom more should they wish for sweet tea.

teen witch
Oct 9, 2012




SweetWillyRollbar posted:

*Furiously posts an itemized list of things I've bought my child like I'm being audited.*

If this fits as a thread title, mods, I give you my blessing, the needful, please

teen witch
Oct 9, 2012




The thing I do wonder with this is, where the gently caress are the dads? Like it seems that most are mothers writing on the website, and I do wonder why that is.

Like there are mentions of husbands and what not but as kind of a tertiary background character, and I kind of think that roles as ďmother takes care of hearth and home and your childrenís relationships are a reflection of you, thus you have failed as a womanĒ have a huge influence in all of this.

teen witch
Oct 9, 2012




OMFG FURRY posted:

IN THIS HOUSE WE EAT PHILLY GOURMET AND ARE GLAD TO HAVE IT, NOW FINISH YOUR CHEESESTEAK AND APOLOGIZE TO YOUR MOTHER!!!!

I refuse to, I have become enmeshed with the Steak-Umms.

teen witch
Oct 9, 2012




sithwitch13 posted:

He wrote all of us out of his will and then tried to kill my father in law with a tractor last year. Fun times.

You canít just sneak this little nugget of WTF and peace out

teen witch
Oct 9, 2012




Pick, you deserve much better. I play peacemaker with my dad, being the people pleaser ruined my life. Youíre allowed and frankly have rightfully earned the right to say ďno, this isnít cool, and I should be treated respectfullyĒ

While we arenít all doctors or therapists (and shouldnít be playing them in the thread), weíve been there and we know how low it makes you feel. You donít gotta do that to yourself.

teen witch
Oct 9, 2012




Donít bootstraps here, thanks

teen witch
Oct 9, 2012




Literally A Person posted:

I know it seems that way but I have personally been friends with folks who truly believed that they had to put up abuse and manipulation because thier parents had money. I say run away. Bootstraps are not needed. Just run.

Hey I know you have good intentions but this ainít the place. Weíre all for but life is complicated for some.

Here, new topic

quote:

After being excluded from GDís wedding and letting my daughter know I blame her for alienating me Ö. we are now estranged again- for the 10 th time. This is how she rolls, hurt me I react I get punished with the silent treatment and withdrawal from grandkids. Itís a vicious cycle I am completely done with. But what destroys me is my son across the world is asking what I must have done to piss daughter and GD so much Iím not invited to the wedding. Itís always my fault. As if Iím not already dealing with enough being alienated from them now I feel alienated from my entire family. Instead of taking his call so he can tell me all the things I need to do to make this right, I texted him that I need a reprieve from all this negativity. What a great manipulator my daughter is. So easy to declare me crazy and controlling and all those other things she tells the children I am, so she never has to acknowledge that she has destroyed what was once a living family

teen witch
Oct 9, 2012




Literally A Person posted:

Is there a :sadlol:

teen witch
Oct 9, 2012




bad posts ahead!!! posted:

a post in another thread reminded me of how i grew up in a caribbean family. my mother absolutely loving hated being black, lightened her skin with harsh chemicals, straightened her hair. she hated black americans and called them the hard-r version of the n word. she didn't consider herself to be black like "those people" at all. she spent considerable effort trying to get the blackness out of me, forbidding me to make friends with the neighborhood kids (or anyone, really). i've never been comfortable saying the -a type even though my friends do. poo poo's too painful.

she also said trayvon got what he deserved. i lost my poo poo and said she'd be shot down just as fast as the people she hated

WHATS UP BROTHER MY DAD DOES THE SAME!!!!


That coupled with his (completely legit) trauma and growing up mixed led to my insane rear end racial dysphoria holy poo poo I thought I was the only one. I donít even say the n word either with an a it loving disgusts me! I still relax my hair, though itís more of a preference yes I know itís killing me.

The rest of my dads family is totally normal and gets how racism works in the US.

teen witch
Oct 9, 2012




Iím not crying yíall are crying

Also PJ I think youíre in a FB group about ACE with one of my good friends and ex roomie - from the stories Iíve heard from him and yours, how it isnít outlawed is beyond me. Iím sorry you and him had to go through that, along with countless others. Child abuse using the guise of religion is one of those things that makes my blood boil.

teen witch
Oct 9, 2012




There Bias Two posted:

Not wanting to call someone doesn't mean you don't care about them. I can't tell you how many times I avoided calling my father just so I didn't have to hear "how nice of you to call me once in awhile" in a sarcastic tone or similar guilt-tripping bullshit.

It's very easy to care about someone yet find them insufferable to deal with most of the time.

You can love someone but you do not need to like them.

teen witch
Oct 9, 2012




5er posted:

That's so weird. My kids are 7 and 14. The 7 yr old isn't really present enough yet that this event would impact him in any useful... or harmful way. My older son had enough situational awareness that he kind of hovered around me Monday doing little things for me like offering to make tea and stuff. I had actually already talked with him about depression about a week and a half earlier, because some local news about a teen suicide was going around that I know he heard of; he told me he had no idea what would compel someone to kill themselves, and that it seemed really selfish and dumb. My first reaction, internally, was relief, that it doesn't seem he's coping with depression himself. I talked with him for a bit though about making sure to have good sympathy for people in emotional states he may not ever understand because he can't directly acquaint or experience them himself. He replied to that saying he has spent some time talking with some of his friends that seem to be dealing with depression and cheering them up because he thinks it's the thing to do. I think he's going to be alright, really.
My whole point with that digression is that I think that's what parents should be doing. Talking, reassuring, teaching moral character. Hearing about parents being hollow, selfish, utterly disengaged shits that are incapable of holding on-tone conversations just horrifies me.

If basing your 7 yr old on your 14 yr old, youíve got solid kids (seriously the tea thing warms my heart). Teaching emotionally engagement and how to read the room is something that parents should teach. Good grades and fancy schools can get you into Yale, but emotional intelligence can get you anywhere.

teen witch
Oct 9, 2012




artichoke posted:



I do wish we could have more films/stories about more realistic relationships between parents and their children. That whole "you have to love and take care of your parents no matter what" is really nasty and is everywhere. Can anyone think of/recommend me anything where there's an honest portrayal of an estrangement that doesn't end in saccharine reconciliation?

That scene from Fresh Prince with Willís dad is laser guided.

teen witch
Oct 9, 2012




Some of these moms are straight up Terry

teen witch
Oct 9, 2012




https://youtu.be/iN9CjAfo5n0

This, this is the anthem.

E: fuuuuuck I hate trying to embed YouTube videos

teen witch
Oct 9, 2012





teen witch
Oct 9, 2012




InediblePenguin posted:

Everybody look at this dumb post

Youíre not my mom!

teen witch
Oct 9, 2012





Ok, so this pic in the cursed images thread got me thinking: overlap on weird Dadís Rights guys and estranged parents?

teen witch
Oct 9, 2012




SweetWillyRollbar posted:

"Fathers have sorry rights too ladies."

Dads Rights vs Estranged Mom forums poster

Two parents enter, one traumatized generation leaves

teen witch
Oct 9, 2012




Dirt Road Junglist posted:

Anyway, when I moved out, she threatened to have her brother shoot me because I had my bandmate help me with heavy furniture, and after I was gone she kept my deposit and gloated about it on social media.

Every one of our mutual friends blocked her.

Did you take legal action on the whole threat and withholding deposit thing?

teen witch
Oct 9, 2012




Is there a smilie thatís growing larger and larger because that loving ďSIL/DIL ingredientsĒ post is loving horrific.

Also the ďestrangement epidemicĒ can be cured with a cold hard slap of reality.

teen witch
Oct 9, 2012




Saint Drogo posted:

the odds that the people writing these whiny paragraphs say they can't stand victims and victimhood are 1:1.

Theyíre practically summoning Batman with all that insane projection.

teen witch
Oct 9, 2012




02-6611-0142-1 posted:

Why is the daughter-in-laws always evil? Is that a sign of a specific personality disorder? There was one a few pages back where the estranged mother/hell witch blamed multiple daughters-in-law for multiple estrangements that were all separate.

Sweet sweet internalized misogyny plus the chaser of a false sense of ďcompetitionĒ eases the pain of being a poo poo parent. I know the stereotype is for the husband to complain about his MIL but Iíve seen some batshit MIL/SIL drama.

teen witch
Oct 9, 2012




Iíve had my stuffed bear, Blackie, since I popped out of my motherís body. Iím entirely aware of the irony.

In any case, heís been to college and now lives with my in Sweden, resting on a bookshelf.

I refer to him as being there for me more than my father.

teen witch
Oct 9, 2012




MasBrillante posted:

Not Blackie the Bear. Lol, Jesus.

Predates the beanie baby, though I think I may have that as well back at my moms. Also gently caress I had a ton of beanie babies, thanks mom for indulging an obsessive 6 yr old.

teen witch
Oct 9, 2012




Ghost Leviathan posted:

Boomer pandering is just going to keep getting more horribly specific.

Christ Iíve never had that realization and uuuuggggghhhhh areerghhh stop stop, weíre already dead.

teen witch
Oct 9, 2012




Royal W posted:

I can't come up with a response that isn't too E/N or detailed so I'll just quietly agree with you.

Not forcing you to share, but thereís an E/N thread that might be best to share it in (or here! Whichever you feel comfortable with)

Consider this a safe space.

teen witch
Oct 9, 2012






might pop this in the OP

E: holy gently caress imgur got loving wretched

Adbot
ADBOT LOVES YOU

teen witch
Oct 9, 2012




MasBrillante posted:


Oh yeah, the Grand High Witch offers writing coaching events and even reads and edits letters to the estranged children. So presumably some people try to be a little human, and she line edits that right out:

Hey leave us witches out of it! We try and admit our faults, unlike these monsters.

  • 1
  • 2
  • 3
  • 4
  • 5
  • Post
  • Reply