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YESSSSSSS. Thanks OP
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Jul 12, 2019 19:47
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Demon Of The Fall posted:So I'm kinda confused, are we making fun of these old people or the children? I've read some of the posts and they seem uhhh not weird or strange. Maybe I'm an idiot, which is true honestly. The context of this is that these are actually really abusive people, which becomes evident after they post approximately 100 different piecemeal accounts of terrorizing literally everyone around them. This is an ALOD. These are not actually people who have been abandoned by their children; in fact, they run off people who post in ways that go against the forum culture just like on Reddit. It is not even allowed to speculate about valid reasons your child might actually have - which is a common coping mechanism for people who are actually experiencing unfounded estrangement. This is a forum not for people who are struggling to find meaning after a trauma, but for people interested in sharing in violent fantasies about ungrateful offspring. For example: aww posted:I suppose I should introduce myself as I’ve been lurking around here off and on for a few years now. My story is quite different from most on here as my ex turned my son against me when he was still in grade school so when we split up a year or so later, my son moved in with his cousin and REFUSED to live with me so I had to let him live with his father. My ex taught him that I was ‘the old biddie’ and he didn’t have to do anything I said making discipline impossible. That was 30+ years ago. I’m a devout Christian so I have done all I can to try to restore the relationship but it’s very strained at best. We do have a relationship but it’s all at his choosing, and one wrong word out of me, and he stops speaking to me. Fortunately I don’t get nasty texts or emails, in fact, I don’t get anything unless I initiate it. I’m to the point of realizing that when he told me years ago that he really doesn’t want a relationship with me, he meant it and all my groveling to him does not make him love me more. I just ordered the book as I’m to the point of realizing that I have to move on with my life and stop thinking somehow, some way we’re going to have a wonderful relationship if I just show him that I love him. I’ve killed myself to show him that–and I think he genuinely knows I do, but can’t be bothered. I’ve seen him once in almost 8 years. The funny thing about this whole sad situation is that he treats his dad as poorly as he treats me. He married into a very wealthy family and I think that has a lot to do with how he treats his dad who was a blue collar worker. Anyway, it’s nice to know I’m not alone, and while I do have contact with my son, I’m constantly on edge as one wrong word can get me banished again. He refused to speak to me for 9 months several years ago for something I said. hmm posted:I’m sorry you’re going through this. oh posted:
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Jul 12, 2019 21:58
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Personally, I read several of the person's posts and make an initial determination that they are an unreliable narrator or not. I haven't posted any where it didn't become obvious after several to dozens of posts where they reveal things like: being barred from a church for being a child predator after their daughter showed the pastor proof; being mysteriously estranged from every relative by biology and marriage; having a history of runins with CPS that they claim can only be explained by the boomer equivalent of gangstalking.
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Jul 12, 2019 22:57
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Pick posted:oh that's not a neg on you mas, it's more about the phenomenon overall. actually it's broader and more general than that, even, which is lovely people are super good at borrowing the rhetoric of real problems so... this is like the nuclear version of that They really are. I’m honestly a lot more interested in the perspectives of the “kids.” They often allude to the kids using psychiatric language in an attempt to explain the abuse to their parents. Which suggests of course that they are experiencing ongoing damage at the hands of their parents.
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Jul 12, 2019 23:21
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LabyaMynora posted:I'm fascinated by how many of these NPD parents describe themselves as "devout Christians." I actually find that one of the least surprising thing about them. Authoritarians love Christianity. These people are probably genuinely bewildered when their churches go against the grain by doing the right thing and supporting their abused children in severing. It is FAR more common that churches traffic in unconditional forgiveness rhetoric. Many church leaders are too afraid to invite questions into their own conduct to be allies of abused congregants.
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Jul 13, 2019 04:03
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InediblePenguin posted:These old people are not reliable narrators. At the start of the thread multiple people linked the Issendai blog which should really be required reading before engaging with the actual link in the O P I think; it very clearly and understandably discusses these kinds of posts and shows you how and why to notice the unreliable narration Etc Yeah, OP what do you think about adding the required reading and context bit?
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Jul 13, 2019 04:13
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Bobbie Wickham posted:LOL, the majority of people who have BPD (or another personality disorder) developed it as a result of their parents'/caretakers' abuse. If your kid has BPD, it's because you gave it to them. Not speaking to their children would be the kindest thing they could do. That’s funny because that is their favorite armchair diagnosis, along with bipolar and NPD (which many of them probably actually have.) I need to excavate it but one of them that I can remember proposed a diagnostic for the specific disease of hating your elder parents enough to leave them “for no reason.”
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Jul 13, 2019 04:37
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Moon Atari posted:BPD isn't so easily 'dealt with'. Maintaining a relationship with someone who has it will often mean taking constant abuse and bullying while simultaneously being blamed for everything. There is no level of submission to abuse, of onesided unreciprocated kindness, patience and love that will safely satisfy someone with BPD. The parents could be storybook perfect and putting themselves into debt to pay the kids bills and they will still get accused of being horrible exploiters and abusers. Even if the kid isnt personally violent that can be a dangerous situation, since they might slander the parents into violent or legal reprisal over entirely imagined slights, even as they have completely mentally broken themselves trying to please the kid. I think they bank on this because it gives them cover. I think that’s part of why they spend so much time gassing each other up too. They “defend” other people as an outlet for their vitriol.
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Jul 13, 2019 05:16
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quote:I’m happy I made you laugh Suki
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Jul 13, 2019 05:43
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“I started having dreams about sweet little puppies and then kittens, and then babies being devoured by a large group of people. I believe these were dreams about my son. “quote:Hi
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Jul 13, 2019 05:54
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Pawn 17 posted:Yeah I don’t understand why some random anime site keeps being linked as the ultimate authority on estrangement but here we are. I guess after you’re done reading about estrangement you can check out the jrpg reviews or read about how to make “Miso Soup for the Otaku Soul”. It is not an ultimate authority, but it is one source instead of many that is comprehensive and also explains the data that was used. To be clear, Issendai is a content expert on that particular internet forum we are mining from, not on the phenomenon of estranged parenthood. I’d also be super interested in complicating or contradicting what that one person says with evidence from the forum. But maybe not just because of the website name?
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Jul 13, 2019 21:26
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A Progression:quote:Your post was so very sad, and it could have been one of mine! My son, too, told me and his father that he loves us, but he feels he must stand by his wife (who is toxic, and we believe narcissistic) because he now has the responsibility of being not just a husband, but a father, too. Unfortunately, he has participated along with his wife in using their daughter as a weapon to get me to continue taking his wife’s abuse. I refuse to do that, so consequently, I haven’t seen my only GD in six months. I had a suspicion, after reading this, that something had happened between the grandmother and the granddaughter precipitating the "estrangement" and control by the daughter-in-law. You tell me what you think: quote:Hello Dear Swoosh in response to a thread called "it didn't start with you" posted:Hi All, quote:
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quote:Hello to all. My husband and I were away for a couple of days, so I am just getting to this post now. I was thinking about starting a Mothers’ Day post, I am glad it’s already here. quote:Hello to all the wonderful, compassionate women in this forum. I tried to escape Mothers’ Day by taking a trip (alone) to see a very close friend who recently moved to another state. And although we enjoyed a great time together, Mothers’ Day loomed ever present over my head. I got back from my trip yesterday to yet more estrangement trauma. Custodial Account Vs. Guardian Account posted:Custodial accounts and guardian accounts both involve handling finances for those who are not able to manage their own money, but they fall under different legal guidelines and have separate purposes. Custodial accounts are investment accounts for children, and guardian accounts are for those who need help with their financial transactions due to a disability. Gee, I wonder why your son who you all but call a retard in 80% of your posts would be offended by this? As for everyone living together: I speculate that they are in fact not very well off, in part because the son has had to cut off his parents. Son, shockingly, actually likes his in laws, and his inlaws help take care of the child. The living together is a temporary situation saving money for something better, but NarGram will never know that because no one wants her to know anything.
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Jul 13, 2019 22:44
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Drunk Nerds posted:Finding the smoking gun in these is kind of delightful, it's like solving a murder mystery. I didn't see it at all in your bolded posts, then you mentioned she thinks her kid is super slow, and the clues are all there: My day job involves close reading. At night I use my powers for Pettiness. Edit: their last post, thus far posted:Dearest BeHere4Me MasBrillante fucked around with this message at 03:22 on Jul 14, 2019 |
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Jul 14, 2019 03:15
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LabyaMynora posted:I kind of assumed the couple who moved in with their parents even though they had their own condo that sat empty for months, that there was complications with the pregnancy. The way she also keeps calling the family a cult makes me think there are ethnic or cultural overtures in how she is reacting to the family. It’s common for racists to view certain groups as hyperfertile and bent on subsuming “true American culture.” Op emphasizes being a child of Italian immigrants at a time where assimilation was a point of pride. I’m MUCH less confident about this conclusion but my suspicion is that she thinks her grandchild is being groomed to hate her by cultural interlopers. Also lol that no one wants to eat her toxic hate food that is probably made with contempt and mayonnaise.
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Jul 14, 2019 03:27
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teen witch posted:This is it, this is the thread video. A true art.
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Jul 14, 2019 05:40
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A crosspost from the r/relationships thread:Smirking_Serpent posted:AITA for confronting my stepdaughter about the way she treats my wife?
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Jul 14, 2019 05:56
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Sleeveless posted:One thing that kills me about the people mocking the people on these sites is that they shorten "narcissist" to "N" even though when most sane and well adjusted hear someone say "the N word" they assume it's referring to a racial epithet and not an overused piece of armchair psychology. This leads to some frankly hilarious turns of phrase for anyone who isn't so lacking in empathy with regards to their choice of specialized language. I feel a jolt every time I read N as a prefix to be quite honest.
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Jul 14, 2019 07:18
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quote:I have to say that reading the above posts make me realize we are not alone. Our relationship with our son has been up and down for over 10 years. We have contact, then are cut off, contacted again and cut off again. Never invited to his first wedding, only learned of anything when he was getting divorced. When we see him it always is hard to deal with. He is sullen, non communicative, at times abusive and makes us feel as if we did something to him despite being very good parents. We have been very generous to him paying for a lovely home for him, making needed repairs when bought, then more repairs recently. Additionally, we have voluntarily offered to pay for dental, medical and car loans all in hopes that we would be treated nicely. We used to gift him the maximum allowed under the tax law every year but upon learning that he had squandered hundreds of thousands of dollars left to him by his grandfather, we stopped that as the money was simply being wasted on not sure what as he cannot account for where all the money and I do mean a large sum went. The latest episode began when he called one day in the fall saying he bought airline tickets and he has wife and infant were headed our way. He quoted the price he paid and unlike in past experiences when he called, I did not offer to pay for them. I simply said, ok. We were thrilled and I planned nice meals, bought things the baby and was truly looking forward to a nice family get together. When they arrived, he snuck off, bought beer and drank it so that he became obnoxious with talk that could only be considered crazy. We learned that after stopping drinking for about a year that he had once again taken to drinking 4-5 cans of beer every nite. In addition, he smoked at our home which we find distasteful especially since he is a new father. I stated my feelings that drinking excessively and smoking are not good for anyone especially a new father with a child to consider. When he was drunk he spoke about quitting his job and taking a menial job that he was not suited for which he said would be “fun.” And I guess I should not have said that someone with an advanced degree from a prestigious school would be embarrassing himself and his family by taking such a menial job that would fit someone without any skills or education. Yes, I said that and probably should not have in retrospect but it was simply crazy drunken talk and if he intended to push my buttons he certainly did so well. His wife agreed with me on all points I thought all was well. Not quite as during their stay there were complaints about the home cooked meals I had prepared, about the fact that the stay was not “exciting enough” and that they had expected more in the way of a vacation rather than being “stuck” in the house with us. We loved seeing our grandchild but truly were not happy with him or his behavior. When we dropped them off the airport we were both relieved- not a word of thanks for all we did simply a walk away. He has not been heard from since and it really upset both my husband and I. We are quite well off, have no one else in the world in terms of family and he stands to inherit a large sum of money- but as it stands, I question if he deserves anything at all? I like the idea of MJmom with the letter and the requirements and love animals so that her idea sounds great to me. I am regretting speaking my mind and wonder if I should try and apologize but then again I do not think excessive drinking are good so I cannot say I take it back, get drunk and smoke every night. Any advice?
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Jul 14, 2019 22:22
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Drunk Nerds posted:This one seems legit to me It’s legit in that he’s a drunk because his parents are abusive and 1) won’t acknowledge )what the mysterious thing they did to him when he was 4 that is such an offensive accusation that it can only be spoken of with passive, vague verbiage 2) continuously deny the raging contempt they have for his current and prior wife 3) constantly tell him he is a literal failure. quote:My son was given over 800000 as a child by my parents. I was co owner of the account. When he turned 21 he took me off the account and ran through the money on cars, booze and who knows what. When he needed to buy a house he asked me to cosign I foolishly bought it for him 300000. He graduated college and grad school debt free as my parents paid for everything including generous living allowances in addition to room board and books. He has a masters degree in a good field from a highly rated university so he has the ability to make a good living thanks to my parents. When he was going with a bimbo for lack of a better term mom wrote out of her will after asking him to reconsider and being disrespected in reply. He did not know she did yet when she was dying refused to go and see her. Since then we have gifted him tens of thousands of dollars, paid medical and dental bills, paid for repairs to his home including over 7000 last year and in return we are ignored. This is generations of using wealth to control people. OP describes her mother as constantly abusive but still deserving of love on principle. Clearly the son disagrees, and perhaps think all this money is a fair exchange for destroying the woman who would raise him in a narcissistic abusive environment. Personally, I think he might be right.
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Jul 14, 2019 23:10
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Bobbie Wickham posted:I love this and might buy you a new title. If so I will wear it with pride
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Jul 14, 2019 23:11
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Drunk Nerds posted:Thanks. I'm using these to tighten up my reading comprehension The trick about close reading is intertextuality. Here's another post, same person: quote:
quote:I am so sorry that we are all going through this. quote:I mentioned my ES’s fiance’s step dad defriending me after I invited them for a visit to my town- which is a very nice vacation destination actually named by Conde Naste the Number One Luxury destination in the US. I thought they would like visiting, staying at our home and seeing the town as hotels when they were coming are either totally booked or extremely expensive. In return, I was rebuffed and defriended. quote:You are not alone and certainly not wrong for feeling as you do.
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Jul 14, 2019 23:38
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Pick posted:He's wrong. No one "deserves" an inheritance. I didn’t say anything about deserving. I don’t believe anyone should have this money at all.
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Jul 15, 2019 00:13
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We have no evidence that the son gives a single poo poo about that inheritance except that his NarMom thinks he does. I’m going to guess based on his behavior that he...really doesn’t.
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Jul 15, 2019 01:35
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Imagine how NarMom feels, putting up with an abusive mother until her literal death in exchange for a million, to later find out that money wasn’t going to ensure her the same insulation from her psychological abuse. Another thing is, no one escapes abuse unscathed. If someone claims to have done so magically, they are in denial and probably harming people around them due to maladaptive coping mechanisms. I would not want to take any life advice or input for someone who refused to address their trauma related mental illness for 50 years.
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Jul 15, 2019 01:39
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LabyaMynora posted:Facebook will go down as the death of America. Yes.
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Jul 15, 2019 01:57
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Sex Weirdo posted:Two thanksgivings ago we were just sitting down to eat and my mom asked everyone to take turns saying something they were thankful for. Most everyone said something nice like family or good health or something like that. But of course when it got to my fox news watching dad he said "I'm thankful I dont live in a district that would elect a BLACK WOMAN REPRESENTATIVE!" This sounds like if I wrote a YouTube skit about how I imagined White Thanksgiving.
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Jul 15, 2019 04:08
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There is someone on RP who has started 48 topics and written 2299 replies. I just know there's some great content there but it's gonna be a slow dig. Apertif: quote:
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Jul 15, 2019 05:40
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Thesaurus posted:Enmeshed! So far 100% that I’ve skimmed. Like, I could probably keep count if the posts that don’t.
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Jul 15, 2019 05:47
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quote:Well, if I am being real here, I ‘d say that most husbands know where their “intimacy” comes from and how not to rock the boat and end up not getting any. The bond/relationship between husband and wife is supposed to go before the relationship between parent and adult child. Why do some people allow their spouse to banish or hate on their parents? I’d say it because they get something from the relationship and it serves a purpose for them. My one AD wants to be taken care of. Her father and I were pushing her to be independent and an adult in college and take charge of her life. Instead she found a boy who was desperate to be married, so they married. His dad was an alcoholic and family life revolved around appeasing the dad — his mother kept her claws in her adult kids as a way of not having to have her own life or a job/career. So my SIL’s family always comes first. My daughter likes it that way. As my ex has caused the estrangement, my SIL has pulled away from me even more. I guess that I get the blame for the exhusband’ negative behavior. It immaturity and lack of emotional intelligence, in my humble opinion. Or some people are just plain selfish and mean.
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Jul 15, 2019 06:30
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ArtIsResistance posted:This thread has enough projecting to start a planetarium. Y'all need therapy not a forum I don’t want to make anyone uncomfortable who is disclosing in this thread, but my interest is primarily internettainment. I belong to a family that the people on that forum would call “enmeshed.” My and my husbands’ parents are both amazing and my MIL is probably going to move in when I pop one out. So...nah.
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Jul 15, 2019 06:36
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SCROTO TURBOSPERG posted:i was born a full grown man, hatched from a really big egg. laying it must have completely destroyed my mom's situation, though. At first I thought by situation you meant your mom’s like life but then I realized you meant vagina. Cloaca?
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Jul 15, 2019 06:41
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And there it is... (This is the person who posted 2000 times) quote:Sphinx, I think you hit the nail on the head. But most parents don’t want to admit it or see it. Probably is part of the problem with us loving parents, we ignore our children’s bad behavior or faults. Everyone has them and I don’t want to make others on this forum mad. We loving parents tend to ignore these faults in our children and then they grow up and those same faults bite us in the hind end. I guess I no longer have those rose colored glasses on. Too many hateful things have been done to me or others and its not a happy relationship with any of the EC of mine.
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Jul 15, 2019 18:11
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You can tell they know they are horrible because they protest so much that they are not just passable parents but the most superlative mother anyone could ever have, except for a few understandable mistakes that any human should be forgiven for. Everything in their situation is exceptional, from the sheer horribleness of their particular children, to the injustice of being treated equal or slightly less to their child’s spouse’s parents by...the spouse. If other people had difficulty raising their children, they were raising the antiChrist. If other women got little support with child rearing by their husbands, their husbands were UNIQUELY absent. These people would absolutely without hesitation award themselves the Nobel with a committee of one and not think a second thought about it. Their protestations that they are humble mean very little when every single reply to someone else’s story is “I just can’t imagine what happened. it must be genetics but not MY genetics.”
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Jul 15, 2019 19:18
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Clitch posted:In the minds of fellow delusional parents: Oh gently caress. This is like literally where our lives diverged. With me getting help because my parents aren’t dicks.I mean they kind of were but not in this particular way. I’m so so sorry.
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Jul 15, 2019 19:36
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quote:
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Jul 15, 2019 19:51
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The Saucer Hovers posted:yeah finding out a behavior is common and has a name and other people experience it too isnt reframing you nard Mentally ill: https://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?threadid=3893331&pagenumber=1&perpage=40#post496502930 Takes one to know one. You’re at home here, Sleeveless!
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Jul 15, 2019 23:57
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AC = adult child or children. Usually children. quote:There are several themes that go through all of our posts.
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Jul 16, 2019 03:17
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quote:ahh… I finally “decided” to just go. I feel strongly that I need to make an effort to show up like the other parents and relatives do. And its one effort at a time — no hope, just this weekend for what it is, bobble head city. I can totally give up later on if I want.
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Jul 16, 2019 03:52
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bad posts ahead!!! posted:- at the optician, she bought some glasses for me when i was a kid. she said they even looked good on me and insisted i get them. I am actually fascinated by the gift-giving logics exhibited in a lot of these posts, especially from people who are well enough off to REALLY get creative using wealth as a cudgel.
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Jul 16, 2019 04:02
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Panfilo posted:I just remembered that my step-dad is estranged from his oldest daughter. I didn't even KNOW he had another daughter (or had a third ex wife for that matter) until one day as a teen I found this dusty photo of an adult woman and curiously asked him if it was one of his relatives. He dryly replied that she was his oldest daughter from a previous marriage, his ex wife left him "over some dumb bullshit" and had allegedly poisoned his daughter against him. She had apparently gone no contact and the daughter had also refused to let him see his granddaughter which I also didn't know existed at that point. No idea how he had a photograph of her if his ex wife and daughter were estranged from him when the daughter was young. Well I am beginning to gather that for a lot of people estranged means “anything less than what I deem an appropriate level of contact and deference.” I expected everyone to be like “I haven’t spoken to my daughter in 13 years” and there are some of those. But many of them seem to be more like “My daughter only sends me cards on some holidays” where the implication is that that is the only contact. But then in the next post they describe a phone call and it becomes clear the crime was not sending cards on all designated holidays, as I Expect.
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Jul 16, 2019 04:11
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