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Elderbean posted:When I was in bootcamp I got my wisdom teeth removed and they just gave me a weeks worth or so of vicodin. Pretty much everyone who got extensive dental work was prescribed vicodin. One guy in our division was kicked out for trying to buy someone else's pills. This was in 2009. The first time my back went out in the Navy, they gave me 2 weeks of vicodin and 60 days of muscle relaxers, and made no mention of physical therapy. Civilian docs now are slack jawed appalled when I tell them how much vicodin I would be left with after minor procedures.
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Nov 10, 2019 22:08
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Popping out of lurking to say this thread finally got me into therapy for my own narcissist parents. Hearing all these crazy rear end horrible women speak in my mother's voice finally made it click for me that this stuff isn't normal, and most parents actually love and support their kids. Thanks thread, but also 
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Feb 27, 2020 18:46
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Light Gun Man posted:Yeah at some point I defensively started compartmentalizing everything about myself that I could away from my mom, because I knew any and all information about stuff I like or do would somehow be used against me. Now as an adult who has always been into less-mainstream things, in secret, anytime I'm asked what kind of stuff I like I'm just like uhhhhhhhh weird nerd poo poo don't worry about it. I moved 1000 miles away from my mother and don't talk to her anymore, but I can't stop doing this with normal people.
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Apr 30, 2020 15:38
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Mine seem to have an issue with me being successful at the wrong thing. The wrong thing being whatever I achieved without their direct input and supervision.
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May 6, 2020 22:01
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Dr.D-O posted:Did anyone else develop depression in high school/early adulthood? How did your parents react to that? My mother informed me that I was just a kid and had nothing to be depressed about and then went on a 20 minute rant about how stressful her life was. She eventually petered out when she forgot what started the conversation. A month later she let me know I could share anything with her and she'd be there to support me. Hilarious.
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Sep 11, 2020 15:50
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Dirt Road Junglist posted:Withholding pads should be considered a capital offense. Oh my god, there is no way I could be more furious right now without physically combusting. people cried fake on that post, but my mom did it. Said I used too many and they were too expensive. Dealing with endometriosis and bunched up toilet paper or paper towels gave me a big complex about blood. :/
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Oct 6, 2020 23:35
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BaronVonVaderham posted:I'd say I sent off 50 resumes/applications to 50 companies and no bites, he'd counter with, "How many did you physically go to? Oh, so you haven't actually been looking at all and you're just lazy." I got this response word for word from my mother when I was in college. I imagine it was very good advice when she was working as a cocktail waitress in the 70s.
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Oct 14, 2020 00:10
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I stayed away from therapy for a very long time because both my parents saw therapists briefly and it made them significantly worse. It just gave them a whole new vocabulary to tell me how much of a piece of poo poo I was. This counselor also pushed my father into getting sober, which inexplicably made him more violent. I thought if thats what mental health professionals do, it's not for me. Sidenote: thanks to this thread for getting me past that and into therapy. Seeing goons horrified reactions to things my parents did too kind of made everything click that no my upbringing wasn't normal and yes I deserve help.
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Oct 25, 2020 16:54
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Panfilo posted:This thread especially makes me wonder about those divorces where one parent claims the ex poisoned their kids opinion of them. I mean for the sake of discussion, let's take the statement at face value. How likely is it one parent can manipulate a child into hating a parent all things being neutral? My mother tried that when my parents split up. Like really committed rants and age inappropriate descriptions of his behavior whenever I was in the same room with her. It didn't work though because he yelled less than her and sometimes gave me money for food. Now I feel a mix of sadness and disgust for each of them equally, so I guess it wasn't really an effective tactic.
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Nov 7, 2020 17:19
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Epitope posted:I'm a fan of the slow fade. You get to keep some feeling of connection (whether that's healthy or not, it's less scary than just dropping it cold turkey). She never experiences a traumatic severing of the tie, so there's no event for her to point to and wail. I did this and it was amazing. I've trained my mother to text and my father to email. I'm at the point where I never initiate contact, but I will respond to them. Turns out if it requires any effort on their part at all, they're not as interested in talking to me as their previous screeching on the phone suggested. And yeah, without any definitive severing of contact for them to point to, no temper tantrums for me to deal with. Highly recommend.
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Nov 13, 2020 23:07
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Epitope posted:Haha Joined the Navy. Signed up for duty every Thanksgiving for six years, claimed it lasted for 12 hours and that I wasn't allowed to use a phone during.
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Dec 4, 2020 21:08
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GORDON posted:Volunteered for a war deployment. Forgot about this one. I tried for an IA deployment to Afghanistan, but too many people in my rating volunteered and they had more skills than someone fresh out of A school.
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Dec 7, 2020 23:28
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number 1 snake fan posted:I just finished reading The Body Keeps The Score and it's been extremely helpful in examining my own trauma and how it's impacted my mental and physical health. The author days that childhood trauma, whether it's from abuse, neglect, etc is the single biggest public health emergency in the country (this was written in 2014, so before covid lol) and that getting trauma-informed intensive therapy is the single best way to improve ones own life if they suffer from trauma. You would be surprised at the ways that it expresses itself unconsciously. This book was great for me. Got me into yoga, which gave me restful sleep for the first time in many years. It also finally gave me an answer on why I can't feel some parts of my body, and why I can be visibly emotional but have no idea what I'm feeling.
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Dec 10, 2020 04:19
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Beachcomber posted:Yesterday I figured out why I try to desperately placate my wife if she gets the least bit frustrated, even though she's insanely cool and nice and doesn't blame things I have no control over on me. I did this with my ex for years. I've finally done enough therapy to catch myself before I do it, but I still have the impulse. I try and cut myself a little slack on stuff like that because having loving, non abusive relationships as an adult is a big win over my dirtbag parents. They're going to die alone and miserable and broke brained and I get to have a life.
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Jan 5, 2021 17:31
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I'm doing pretty well today, all things considered. I've had enough therapy to where my genetic donors no longer spin me up. Except for health stuff. IBS (which I suspect may be something worse but am too scared to find out) since the age of 10, endometriosis at 13, pelvic floor disfunction at 15, back problems at 17, all completely untreated until I joined the Navy at 22 and all carrying very preventable side effects that could have been prevented if they had seen fit to take me to a doctor ever. They couldn't even bother to finish vaccinating me. I've spent thousands of dollars as an adult trying to manage this crap and its all so . . .unnecessary. We could afford a maid but my mother would get butthurt over an office visit copay. There's a clinic in my hometown that I'm still banned from because I could not afford a $50 bill when I was 17. Basically what I'm saying is when I hear stories of medical neglect I want to punch someone through the internet
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Jan 12, 2021 22:42
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I've read that kids with poo poo families who have examples of what normal humans look and act like end up doing much better across the board. You probably helped that boy out just by being kind.
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Jan 21, 2021 01:39
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I had the turbo expensive braces too (gave me jaw issues) but not a single doctor or dentist appointment if they could avoid it. To the guy upthread asking if the memories get better, my therapist had me do this thing where I go back to the memory, describe it in as much detail as I can, then imagine adult me and what I would say or do to change the situation. I rolled my eyes almost out of my head at first but it's actually turned down the volume on my worst memories quite a bit. I spent many years trying not to think about this crap, so the hardest part was allowing the bad stuff into my brain at all.
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Feb 1, 2021 00:33
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My mom might actually prefer one of those three ft tall giant barbies. Ultra feminine, lots of fun clothes and accessories to dress up, and most importantly, silent. Maybe I should get her more than one so she can always have one to call a huge disappointment while the other one is showered with attention.
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Feb 23, 2021 01:45
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Benny Harvey posted:She's a tradcath. Gross. The 8th Sacrament for those people is bitterness.
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Mar 21, 2021 02:53
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Would any of you with OCD behaviors smirk when called out by the person you've inadvertently hurt? Smug grins and breaking locks seems to lean heavily towards personality disorders. Sorry if this comes off as aggressive; people have been making excuses for my parents since I was 10 years old. "Try to have some sympathy for what they've been through." "She's mentally ill she doesn't mean it." loving no, mentally ill people are capable of empathy and they made a choice not to use it with their own kids.
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Mar 25, 2021 18:10
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Because I took a theology course run by a Jesuit, and because I'm very very immature, I quote the bible back at these types and start yelling that they're heretics and/or apostates. It's amazing how rarely they actually sit down to read the bible, and are thusly very easy to troll this way. Don't do that though. I used to snipe back at my mom and as satisfying as it was in the moment, not taking her calls at all is ten times better.
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Apr 8, 2021 04:29
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So my parents don't chase me like the idiots posted here. I was afraid they would when I started a slow fade, but nope. Tortured me for years and years when I was under their control, are still very lovely when I have to see them, but other than that they seem to have accepted it. Didn't care enough to keep food in the house when we were kids back then, don't care that 4 out of 5 of their kids have largely ghosted them now. My mom would dig for intel on my siblings when I called, but stopping the calls has taken care of that. On the one hand, I'm intensely grateful that I don't have to deal with the usual estranged parent nonsense and have siblings that have my back, but on there other hand, kind of gross to get hard confirmation that they never cared about me and still don't. I'm not sure what I think about that.
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Apr 21, 2021 00:56
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"You're way too smart to be behaving in such a stupid manner!" vs "You have no common sense you'll never make it in the real world." When I decided against reenlisting in the Navy, it turned into "You'll never survive on your own without an institution to take care of you."
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May 4, 2021 17:57
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Just lol on the gender stuff. My mom is deeply, deeply offended that her oldest daughter turned out to be a butch lesbian. Up until around 30, every time I came home I would get the "you could be so pretty if you tried." And "Lets get you a nice dress for [EVENT]." Then eventually she tapered off into passive aggressive "I guess you just don't care how you look." If that woman only knew how much $$$ I've blown on bespoke suits. . .well she'd have something else to feel aggrieved and superior over. The answer turned out to be working on my relationship with my 4 siblings. The last time she tried to shame me (over my wallet, of all things), I just narrowed my eyes and called her the heteronormative gender police. She tried again so I said it again. Then one of my brothers repeated it. Then ALL of my brothers started banging on the kitchen table, chanting HETERONORMATIVE GENDER POLICE until she threw her hands up and literally fled the room. It's one of the best memories of my life, and she has never mentioned my gender presentation again.
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May 19, 2021 16:53
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Emphasis on the last syllable of poLICE. They're good guys. They ask me opinions about masculine fashion sometimes and never break omertà about not telling things to our shitbag parents.
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May 19, 2021 18:06
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Arcella posted:this is what I was thinking. Also like your wallet as in your physical wallet? What is there a fully sick non-ladylike cobra on it? It was a plain bifold from Saddleback Leather. But now I want a cobra wallet, that's rad.
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May 20, 2021 00:31
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Seeing a mix of terrible parents stories, plus those of you with normal-ish families reacting to them with amazement and disgust is what convinced me to see a therapist like a year ago, so rubbernecking and GBS style mockery is a thumbs up from me. Namaste.
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May 20, 2021 21:26
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"I was upset but calmly explained to them" I don't trust anyone who feels the need to explicitly say they were calm. It's like dudes who say they're logical, or Mexican restaurants that call themselves authentic.
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May 24, 2021 21:03
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I'm waiting for SEO bots to get to those cursed pinterest memes from a few pages back. I want a Discarded Gramma t shirt. Or maybe a whole cafe press site such that I can get a Discarded Gramma old bag.
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May 27, 2021 20:17
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life is killing me posted:This is so oblivious it has to be fake/trolling I don't know, I was in the Navy 4 years and I was 26 when my dad said I needed to reenlist because I needed someone to take care of me and I couldn't handle the real world. It's like these people are missing part of their brains responsible for really seeing other people. Also big schad imagining this woman having to pay her own rent now.
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May 29, 2021 03:47
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I will admit to taking satisfaction in shocking those types with terrible childhood stories. My go to is talking about my six figure earner parents not liking to buy groceries. A couple of girls at my high school would switch off making me lunches so I would have something to eat that day. Another good one is when I was 16 and figured out my hands were small enough to steal pads from one of those period product dispensers in a public restroom. Oh I'm sorry Phyllis, did that make you uncomfortable? Perhaps now you will shut the gently caress up about FAMILY. Headed out now for a holiday BBQ with my chosen family who like and respect me.
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May 30, 2021 18:55
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"Hi I'm permabanned poster DiscardedGramma58 and. . ." I read all of that mess and it's like a verbal representation of a stroke.
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Jun 4, 2021 21:23
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Lieutenant Dan posted:My mom sent me an article entitled "How Capitalism Saved Christmas" last year. During the pandemic. While I was still on pandemic leave and scrabbling for food money. Am I the only one with shitbag parents who are liberal? I got all the same lectures on what a worthless disappointment I am, but also couldn't have friends if their parents were Republicans. Had to buy my own food, clothes and such, but they bought me a Peoples History of the Unites States. They're fine with me being gay, but my mother (before my brothers shut her down) used to ask why I had to be "one of those gays." It's just weird to me that a person can have empathy in the abstract but then come home and tear their daughter to shreds everyday.
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Jun 9, 2021 17:14
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Mild dementia, a lifetime of drug and alcohol abuse, and cardiac issues has chilled my dad out considerably to the point where I just have to listen to him repeat himself for 5-10 minutes before he gets off the phone. I am very grateful for this, but also feel like he should have Memento style post its around his house that all say "You are a bad person." Can't have everything, I guess.
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Jun 20, 2021 16:43
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Mine actually does come from some experiences I had in the Navy, and the hushed, reverent tones I get in response from people I've told makes me want to punch them in the goddamned face. People are stupid about brain problems.
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Jun 23, 2021 15:33
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Imagined posted:I realize the default setting of this thread is gently caress YOU, DAD and BURN ALL BRIDGES (for good reasons) but I feel like everyone is thinking about this purely in terms of the OP's relationship with her step-sibling and not the one with her bio-dad. Like yeah who gives a poo poo about the stepsister, but I'd go if I valued my relationship with my dad at all. Which I do, personally. Though, again, I understand why many in this thread don't. I have a step-sibling like 20 years younger than me who I have absolutely no feelings about one way or the other, but if my dad felt like he was obligated to go to a funeral for the step-sibling's family and I was ABLE to go then I'd feel a little obligated to go, too, just to represent the team. But, again, that's because I feel like there is a team. I think something about having escaped and built a healthy, safe environment for myself required severing those sorts of emotional ties, permanently. I can understand on an academic level, sure yeah - people have good families that they like, and as such would be willing to do something inconvenient and awkward for the sake of a valued relationship. But on an emotional level, it doesn't make sense to me at all. Having strength to yeet my shitbag parents has also given me big "no, gently caress YOU dad" energy.
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Jun 26, 2021 03:50
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Negative reinforcement is the only way, ideally via withdrawal of contact. Words with my parents are just an opportunity to play games, and literally anything that provides them with more attention is a win for them. My brothers and sisters have all stopped taking my mom's calls for this reason. I'm the last holdout because I can't figure out how to cut her off without getting a huge baby temper tantrum in return. Delaying responses to her texts and not picking up her calls seems to have just created a frantic, desperate need to make up more reasons to contact me.
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Jul 10, 2021 18:08
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When I begged my mother to stop picking at me as a kid, I mentioned that none of the kids at school seemed to have so many problems with me. She said "They don't love you like I do." Unreal how many shitbag parents use the same logic.
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Jul 17, 2021 23:49
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I think they sound like aliens because they don't have personalities, they have coping mechanisms. Thats why they all write in the same voice - there's nothing behind it.
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Aug 12, 2021 03:53
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Hard same on that. Hours long lectures starting in 5th grade about how poorly that B reflected on my character, but when I was getting ready to transfer from community college "You have 4 siblings. That's too many to save for." I finished my degree by applying credits from my Navy training. There's a number of schools that would waive everything not covered by the GI Bill if I went for a masters, but the thought of ever being in a classroom again makes me sick.
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Aug 16, 2021 01:52
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