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I was making a fried bologna sandwich and I got popped by the olive oil I drizzled in the pan. I'm not sure who's culpable and I'm not sure who's the juiciest target amongst the guilty. Some details: - the olive oil was generic Food Lion brand - the bologna was Oscar Mayer - the stove was a Hotpoint - I don't remember what brand the pan is - I put a little mayo and a lot of spicy brown mustard on the sandwich - this took place in my apartment so maybe my landlord? I'm not sure how rich they are though Potential problems: - the only witness was my cat - I enjoyed the sandwich even if I was dealing with considerable anxiety over what to do about this situation I know a lot of you love Law and Order so I'd appreciate any advice you can give, thanks in advance.
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Jul 22, 2019 16:34
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| # ? Apr 25, 2024 18:55 |
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Sounds like you're going to jail OP.
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Jul 22, 2019 16:37
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Well this thread will be exhibit A in the case against you so good job.
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Jul 22, 2019 16:42
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William Henry Hairytaint posted:I was making a fried bologna sandwich and I got popped by the olive oil I drizzled in the pan. I'm not sure who's culpable and I'm not sure who's the juiciest target amongst the guilty. Assume the position and wait, we'll be there soon. Also, leave a toy out for the cat.
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Jul 22, 2019 16:50
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Unfortunately, I see no legal recourse.
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Jul 22, 2019 16:51
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Had you allowed a grease fire to consume your abode, you could have easily sued the builder, oven manufacturer or landlord. We have no other recourse than to reverse sue you for wasting the forum's time.
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Jul 22, 2019 16:53
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Sounds like you might have been a little negligent OP. Food Lion tells me that you’re in North Carolina, where contributory negligence is a complete bar to a lawsuit. sorry
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Jul 22, 2019 16:55
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your options are to immediately get a lawyer because your cat is going to sue you for being stupid and smelly. cats know all about stupid and smelly, so it's a slam dunk case.
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Jul 22, 2019 16:57
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when i make those i just put huge globs of mayo in the pan and let the bologna simmer in that for a while, then dump it out in a bowl and eat it sounds like you should learn how to cook
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Jul 22, 2019 16:57
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goethe.cx posted:Sounds like you might have been a little negligent OP. Food Lion tells me that you’re in North Carolina, where contributory negligence is a complete bar to a lawsuit. sorry I'm not in NC so I'm gonna go ahead and say it's safe to disregard everything you say in this thread. gimme the GOD drat candy posted:your options are to immediately get a lawyer because your cat is going to sue you for being stupid and smelly. cats know all about stupid and smelly, so it's a slam dunk case. My cat is a complete and total bro and would never do that. He did kind of look at me like he thought I was a big baby when I got popped by the oil, though. Not gonna lie, that hurt more than the oil did. Tom Gorman posted:sounds like you should learn how to cook Sounds like you should shut the heck up!!! Good advice so far guys keep 'em comin'.
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Jul 22, 2019 17:02
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Your options are death or BOOGA-BOOGA
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Jul 22, 2019 17:08
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Sorry OP but legally the photons that reflected of your bad post hit my eyes with such violence that I'm feeling hurt, mentally drained and quite honestly in despair (and that's not even talking about the post itself) so according to the libertarian NAP I'm justified in emptying 4000 20mm depleted uranium rounds into you from a black market chaingun, unless you pay me 69420 bitcoins right this instant.
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Jul 22, 2019 17:09
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I don't know why you didn't take this straight to Leonard J Krabs honestly.
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Jul 22, 2019 17:37
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I think the best option would be to contact the manufacturers of the bologna, olive oil, bread and spicy mustard and get a round table sort of thing going. Generate complex charts and graphs, as well as an exhausting PowerPoint detailing your ordeal, and the emotional toll it's taken on you and your cat. Use this material as leverage in a threat to pursue legal action against them in civil court. You might not have much of a case, but the strategy is to get one or more culpable companies to settle out of court for various undisclosed amounts.
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Jul 22, 2019 17:43
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Rad-daddio posted:I think the best option would be to contact the manufacturers of the bologna, olive oil, bread and spicy mustard and get a round table sort of thing going. this needs to be a mod challenge
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Jul 22, 2019 18:08
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Sue your mom for raising such a little baby.
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Jul 22, 2019 18:13
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http://www.netherlands-tourism.com/hague/
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Jul 22, 2019 18:14
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don't make any sudden movements when SWAT blows through your door, OP. it'll benefit your body in the long-run i promise.
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Jul 22, 2019 18:17
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OP are you living in a country that has the death penalty (DP)? If so, you should get the hell out right away. Even if they don't have it in your state, they'll make it happen.
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Jul 22, 2019 18:17
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this is why you eat the bologna cold straight out of the package like Jesus asks us to in the Bible instead of whatever pan-fry-protestantism garbage this is
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Jul 22, 2019 18:19
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Sue your parents for letting you develop such garbage taste in food.
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Jul 22, 2019 18:19
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BETTER DEAD THAN BREAD DOWN WITH SANDWICH MAKING HEATHENS
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Jul 22, 2019 18:20
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Mooey Cow posted:OP are you living in a country that has the death penalty (DP)? If so, you should get the hell out right away. Even if they don't have it in your state, they'll make it happen. you wouldn't believe how many under-the-table extradition treaties have been negotiated just to get degenerates like OP into capital punishment states.
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Jul 22, 2019 18:23
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*in extremely opposing counsel voice* Mr Henrytaint, can you confirm where you were on the morning of the 22nd of July, when my client, Mr Mayer, was being seared in a frying pan on your Hotpoint stove?
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Jul 22, 2019 18:23
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you're approaching this wrong. you have to sue the person who taught you to fry like a dipshit.
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Jul 22, 2019 18:28
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Since you're clearly a simpleton who can't be trusted with lunch meats I'll give you a tip. Bologna doesn't need to be fried in oil. Just put it in a hot pan. Do you heat up olive oil when you want to fry bacon too? Wait, don't try that. Frying bacon would probably mean you dead on the floor from grease burns and smoke inhalation.
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Jul 22, 2019 18:29
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Insanity plea, op. Ottherwise big olive will crush you like an ant
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Jul 22, 2019 18:30
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Ha ha, holy poo poo, America.wikipedia posted:The bologna sandwich, fried or unfried, is a regional specialty in the Midwest, Appalachia, and the South.
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Jul 22, 2019 18:34
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Jay_Zombie posted:Sounds like you're going to jail OP. That's a good first post, lol.
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Jul 22, 2019 18:38
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Sunswipe posted:Ha ha, holy poo poo, America. Not my joke but, I've always wanted to open a teppanyaki/ Southern BBQ themed restaurant in Asia where its just a guy with a tank top on standing over a Weber grill and asks you if you want a hot dog or hamburger. The chef won't do the onion volcano but you can get the same kind of show by watching him squeeze an entire bottle of lighter fluid on the charcoal.
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Jul 22, 2019 18:40
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You drive to the store. You get on a motorized scooter. You pick the meat up from the deli section pre-caught, pre-killed, pre-sliced and pre-packaged. You go home, throw it on a pan, wait a few minutes and eat it. There is no thrill, there is no chase, there is no struggle to sustain your own life like our ancestors struggled on the prairie every day. I believe we lost some connection to our collective past and our own better natures when we lost the threat of danger so that's why I fry bacon naked
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Jul 22, 2019 18:44
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I attach a virgin package of bacon to a Roomba and hunt it with a spear to feed that primordial hunter instinct. So far, I haven't come empty handed from a hunt...
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Jul 22, 2019 18:47
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Sunswipe posted:Ha ha, holy poo poo, America. Rest of world, well known for not eating minced pork on bread.
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Jul 22, 2019 18:49
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The entire Islamic world erupts in jeers
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Jul 22, 2019 18:50
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Colonel Cancer posted:The entire Islamic world erupts in jeers haram whale holy grail
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Jul 22, 2019 18:52
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Big Beef City posted:Rest of world, well known for not eating minced pork on bread. Most places tend not to make the most basic sandwich imaginable and proclaim it to be their speciality. Seriously, come the gently caress on. Have some loving ambition.
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Jul 22, 2019 19:05
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You put the oil in there you should sue yourself
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Jul 22, 2019 19:08
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Sunswipe posted:Most places tend not to make the most basic sandwich imaginable and proclaim it to be their speciality. Seriously, come the gently caress on. Have some loving ambition. no it's not seriously a 'regional specialty' you can't be that stupid
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Jul 22, 2019 19:10
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Your legal options are to go to jail for eating bologna
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Jul 22, 2019 19:16
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| # ? Apr 25, 2024 18:55 |
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Your best alternative to a negotiated agreement is suicide, OP.
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Jul 22, 2019 19:20
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