Idiots Thread - From the Balls of Montezuma - The Something Awful Forums

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ASAPI: Apr 20, 2007; I invented the line.

Can we take a moment to talk about how the idiot thread had a meaningful conversation about police, their training, and why the military is different without breaking down into name calling?

I had to double check to see if I was in the ACAB thread. The difference is startling.

# ¿ Jul 9, 2020 13:24

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# ¿ Apr 26, 2024 11:21

ASAPI: Apr 20, 2007; I invented the line.

PathAsc posted:

Probably because a critical mass of posters here have had the unfortunate experience of both the positive and negative sides of the military, enough dealings with police and their training, and even though it sucks to subject the mind to it continue to read books detailing the failings and atrocities that we've committed in all armed actions.

There's tons of introspection in this thread and the posters here. It's really good to see because it serves to give hope that we can learn from our past instead of burying it.

Well said.

Sometimes I forget this is the idiot thread.We really swing from "dick is stuck in the porta-potty" to "in depth look at the training failures of [INSERT ORGANIZATION]"

# ¿ Jul 9, 2020 20:58

ASAPI: Apr 20, 2007; I invented the line.

Steezo posted:

Am I the idiot for trying to engage with boogaloos and chuds in my unit in good faith? They're exhausting but I don't want to give up on them. Even if we're back to one weekend a month, two weeks a year and then loving off.

A lot of them are lionizing the craven teenage murderer and I dont want to give up on them because that feels like losing and the part of me that still thinks in Marine hates losing. And assholes asking what flavor crayon is best. They all taste the same goddamnit.

I had a few of my old soldiers go all CHUD on me, especially in respect to the BLM movement and the ongoing protests.

After going back and forth with them for a while I simply told them I was disappointed in them and that I thought better of them. I guess I had a better relationship/influence with them than I thought. 75% of them calmed down, listened to reason, and ultimately conceded. The other 25% are now blocked.

Since I've started treating the CHUDs like children that did something wrong I've been having more success.

# ¿ Sep 3, 2020 13:21

ASAPI: Apr 20, 2007; I invented the line.

Dick Burglar posted:

I don't think Alien led with the fact that Ripley was going to be its lead character (and honestly she's not, until everyone else is dead*), and Aliens still had male co-leads, and some even survive to the very end, unlike the first movie. Hicks' actor, Michael Biehn, was a big name due to having been in Terminator a couple years prior. People absolutely showed up for Biehn. So, basically, Aliens is not a strong example of audiences showing up for a strong female lead, because it had a well-known male co-lead.

* Edit: I might be misremembering this. She may be the focus throughout. Been several years since I've watched the original Alien.

Actually watched Alien recently. I remember Ripley being the "main character". She wasn't. It felt like it was more of an afterthought.

# ¿ Sep 9, 2020 21:15

ASAPI: Apr 20, 2007; I invented the line.

Nystral posted:

As a civie my understanding was leadership in DOD was always trying to fight the last war due to time in service and other factors, making it hard to integrate the lessons learned on the ground into the overall doctrine.

So in the 80s would the lessons learned from Vietnam have made it into how the Army approached things or was it still thinking like it was WW2 / Korea?

Did Desert Storm change how GWOT went? Are we close to seeing a majority of the officers across the DOD having served the bulk of their careers in the midst of GWOT?

Not exactly. Someone smarter than me will likely chime in with better info.

The 80's were almost exclusively dedicated to a doctrine of "Beat Russia". Everyone was convinced of a pending conventional war in mainland Europe.

Desert Storm was basically use using Cold War doctrine.

During GWOT, things changed rapidly. I remember being taught one thing in garrison, then it immediately changed within a month of getting into country. In my opinion, we just got better at making changes to the organization. It was almost like we switched to an Agile model for management.

# ¿ Sep 29, 2020 17:42

ASAPI: Apr 20, 2007; I invented the line.

LibCrusher posted:

Happy this drunk nazi marine had �friends� brave enough to share this video and destroy him. Unless he shared it himself, in which case, ~ l m a o ~

From my limited understanding, he shared it himself, then it immediately went viral. They figured out who he was in a matter of hours.

# ¿ Oct 9, 2020 13:19

ASAPI: Apr 20, 2007; I invented the line.

Liquid Communism posted:

Found some high grade idiocy today.

https://twitter.com/Xaniken/status/1327077285564919809

HA HA HA Ha...

This is pure gold.

# ¿ Nov 13, 2020 14:22

ASAPI: Apr 20, 2007; I invented the line.

Memento posted:

gently caress that's terrifying. From an outsider's perspective, is this scenario accurate?

Yes. I personally have had to stop things due to pesky things like "federal laws" and "the FCC forbids that in this frequency space".

Also, re Gordon chat:

FT Gordon is the god drat mothership of nerds. I went through training there, and was stationed there later. Even I, the guy posting on an internet forum, was out nerded by some of those fucks.

# ¿ Nov 16, 2020 14:51

ASAPI: Apr 20, 2007; I invented the line.

hypnophant posted:

That can be a significant walk, depending on the post. MPs at mine would usually let uber drivers through though - maybe it's a local policy.

It actually is local policy. Each base/post sets their own threat level, affecting access.

They should bring back the drunk busses driven by CQ/Staff Duty. That way they are actually doing something useful for once.

# ¿ Dec 2, 2020 19:16

ASAPI: Apr 20, 2007; I invented the line.

bulletsponge13 posted:

I shared the opening bit to a group chat of weirdos I met at gunsmithing school.

My buddy who was an EMT called it in one.

Except he figured sounding-pee blood- shove Neosporin down peehole. Which is uncomfortably close for a first guess.

Not to hijack the thread, but you are the second person in two weeks to mention gunsmith school. How is it? Is it expensive? How long is it? Do you ever feel rushed?

# ¿ Dec 9, 2020 14:15

ASAPI: Apr 20, 2007; I invented the line.

bulletsponge13 posted:

It can be pricey, but GI Bill and VA programs will cover it. I enjoyed it. Met a lot of awesome people, learned a lot of cool poo poo. Depending on what you want to work on, depends on how pricey it gets. I took every elective I could, so mine got pricey quick (having to buy a 1911, a revolver, and a service rifle all the same semester sucked).

My program was through Trinidad State Junior College- the oldest smithing school in the country, set up by PO Ackley, if you know the name. It is a two year program, with a degree path. It's challenging- can be incredibly so- but fun. There are a bunch more in various areas; if I were smart, I wouldn't have picked CO, but that is a long, dumb story. But I loved going to school out there. Driving from PA to CO was cool as poo poo- super creepy and neat driving during the start of COVID. Learned hand work and machine work. Did all kinds of stuff. In my program, there was a lot of pressure, and you get out what you put in. I have some classmates that are done that are already making high 5 figures within a couple years because they did things right. I also have friends who aren't doing anything in that field because it doesn't pay well, and they didn't have a solid plan or capital to start their own poo poo.

But a warning- it can and will burn you out on the subject. The school was about 45 minutes from one of the best shooting facilities in the world; very fee students went shooting there. Just like working at a fast food place- after working there, you never want to eat it.

If I missed anything, or if you have any more detailed questions, let me know. There was another GiP Goon who went and was more successful than me- between being a gently caress up, and having 3 surgeries in 2 years, I got all kinds of derailed.

Make sure you go in with a solid plan for what you want.

Thanks for that info. It's interesting to hear the different experiences, the first person who mentioned gunsmithing was doing it via mail order.

No plans on my part to make it a career, just on that list of things to be certified on (along with welding, woodworking, furniture making, etc.)

# ¿ Dec 9, 2020 22:13

ASAPI: Apr 20, 2007; I invented the line.

Icon Of Sin posted:

Don�t read this unless you want to be mad for a while. I just grabbed a few excerpts and wanted to go sip a coffee while snuggling a puppy

I deployed with 3CR on my last deployment before getting out. I am not surprised at what the report found.

It was actually a good report.

# ¿ Dec 10, 2020 14:29

ASAPI: Apr 20, 2007; I invented the line.

Midjack posted:

They don�t do the lens inserts anymore?

Nah, they have these go faster swim goggles now.

# ¿ Dec 30, 2020 14:20

ASAPI: Apr 20, 2007; I invented the line.

GD_American posted:

What E-9 could resist the opportunity to kick the bumper on that thing to make a point, and then blame the resultant damage on the idiot lower enlisteds?

I always heard in Signal the tale of the apocryphal E-9 that liked to yank on ground straps to catch joes that we lax in properly grounding their shelters, until he became the shortest path to ground

That (kinda) happened to me once. We had a new (at the time) grounding system that used many small stakes instead of six feet of copper pole. It was somewhat easier to install and WAY easier to recover. It didn't ground out to zero until like the third or fourth stake. He pulled the first stake, quickly dropped it, and told us to "fix" it. I pulled out a multimeter and showed him how the grounding system worked, explained what he did was dangerous and how it could hurt him (more). He ended up with my spare multimeter for the rest of that mission testing grounds the "new and improved" way.

He never told us how big the shock was.

# ¿ Dec 31, 2020 14:21

ASAPI: Apr 20, 2007; I invented the line.

Wasabi the J posted:

LMAO my unit lives and trains in las Vegas which has a nice layer of caliche a foot down and I fought for 5 years to finally be allowed to do trench grounds after the star grounds causing more LODs from tripping than poor grounding.

Also way easier to dig a shallow 9 ft trench and pack it with water and salt than pounding on 18 stakes for the same performance.

When I got my hands on the manual for alternative grounding techniques I tried the trench method.

Command did not like my initiative.

# ¿ Dec 31, 2020 18:47

ASAPI: Apr 20, 2007; I invented the line.

I was hoping to try out the giant copper plate that gets buried under like 3 inches of dirt.

Army doesn't like people learning/having fun.

# ¿ Dec 31, 2020 19:18

ASAPI: Apr 20, 2007; I invented the line.

Vengarr posted:

https://www.nytimes.com/2021/01/29/us/fort-bliss-soldiers-injured.html

Mushrooms...? Poisonous frogs...? I can't figure out what else you could eat out there that would put you in critical condition.

That or poorly pre-positioned "snacks" that went bad?

# ¿ Jan 29, 2021 19:21

ASAPI: Apr 20, 2007; I invented the line.

Syrian Lannister posted:

Anti-freeze.

https://www.instagram.com/p/CKo-yUlL1uW/?igshid=1c7ychy14kpra

Holy poo poo.

I mean, I know why... but WHY?

# ¿ Jan 29, 2021 20:55

ASAPI: Apr 20, 2007; I invented the line.

Notahippie posted:

I don't know if it's still a thing but in NOLA in the 90s the version of this was dudes going "I bet you $5 I can tell you where you got your shoes." Then if you didn't immediately say no, "You got your shoes on your feet" and then hassling you for backing out on a bet if you tried not to pay.

It was still a thing about 5-6 years ago.

When they approached me with that I said, "you can guess what store I got my shoes from?" He replied with something along the lines of yes. When he tried the on your feet line I pointed out that I was wearing sandals, and he never mentioned a store name. He was angry, I was drunk, he got 5 bucks anyway. They were super aggressive in NOLA.

# ¿ Feb 4, 2021 21:58

ASAPI: Apr 20, 2007; I invented the line.

Scratch Monkey posted:

POV?

We know who is peeing in a cup bright and early in the morning.

# ¿ Feb 5, 2021 22:18

ASAPI: Apr 20, 2007; I invented the line.

It's been a while... Let me tell you about:

SHADOWBLADE

In Korea we got a new guy. Seemed like the normal, quiet, small, nerdy guy. More or less the flag ship for when others thought of our MOS. He had a deep, dark secret. On his back was a full tattoo of a giant dragon. We are talking full back, no space left. poo poo must have taken weeks to complete. Granted, the nerd meter was off the charts, but he gained some respect for the commitment. As he attempted to integrate everyone felt he was... off. He never went drinking with us, only chilled in his barracks room. We all figured he was Mormon and left it at that.

His barracks room was an unique situation. We had two buildings. One brand new, the other slated for demolition and rebuild. It was the last "old" building left. The few people in that building had their own rooms. They were large, and no one complained. It was the "perk" of staying in the old building. The place wasn't a total shithole, just old. So we figured he liked the solitude, that's why he spent so much time alone.

Legend of his tattoo work quickly spread. Everyone wanted to know: how long? How much? Why?!? What does it mean? Turns out, there was meaning. A dark meaning. You see, he explained, that epic dragon tattoo was his real name. His TRUE name. SHADOWBLADE.

"Wait... what?!?"

We demand an explanation. He provides. Turns out, he isn't actually a human. He is the reincarnated spirit of a great alien warrior. The tattoo represents his TRUE name, SHADOWBLADE. He must live this life with honor, so when he dies he can return to his home planet once again. It is the reason he joined the Army, to ensure honorable death by combat. He joined as a satellite guy. If we see combat something went wrong (so horribly wrong) or we were VERY unlucky with taskings. Que his free mental health screening! Doc says he is fine, just really weird. We are unsure and slightly fearful of him now.

One day he doesn't show up for PT. Calls for SHADOWBLADE ring out in the morning darkness. We search, they unlock his room, of course it is trashed. No sign of him though. We search for some hours, still no luck. Eventually two of us are tasked to stand guard by his open room door to catch him when he returns. One of the NCOs show up to check on us two privates. He informs us that the search is ongoing, hold in there, after 24 hours we can say he is AWOL and stand down guards and what not. At least there is a end to the madness.

Then the moaning starts. Everyone freezes, looks at each other, then at the giant pile of laundry on the floor. Another moan. Holy poo poo, he is hiding under the laundry. Was he asleep? He's been there for a while. Clothes are removed from the pile to find SHADOWBLADE. He had made a nest of cough syrup bottles and dirty laundry. We had discovered his shame, the true reason he was sent to earth to atone. He loved to drink bottles of cough syrup until he passed out. Turns out he was the reason the small PX on our base had to start buying limits on the poo poo. He spent almost everything he had on the poo poo.

We know he got sent to a hospital, eventually chaptered. Can't for the life of me remember the dudes real name, always wanted to see what he was up to.

# ¿ Apr 2, 2021 13:56

ASAPI: Apr 20, 2007; I invented the line.

BIG HEADLINE posted:

Kinda reminds me of that story with the psychopathic kid who thought he was a Super Saiyan.

But with a way less ending.

Yeah, everyone expected some grand meltdown. Maybe even the discovery of a "list".

He just fizzled out and went away. The strangest part was he was (relatively) normal except for the fact he believed he was reincarnated alien warrior (and the drug abuse).

# ¿ Apr 2, 2021 15:25

ASAPI: Apr 20, 2007; I invented the line.

Wasabi the J posted:

Holy poo poo dude I'm a 25S and the "old building" thing sounds like it would have happened when 25S barracks were getting moved in 2006, or a bit before then. Back then the 25S MOSQ unit was 447 then it went to 551 or something and we moved to refurbished barracks that allegedly had black mold and poo poo. I remember the new (to me) building felt shittier than the old one on the inside but we had new wall lockers and beds, so it was an overall upgrade. But I also think I remember hearing from the old timers of the AIT unit (basically delinquents waiting for a discharge or some other administrative limbo) that this was their second move from barracks buildings.

Anyways I can't be sure where our stories nearly intersect, but being such a small world I can't help that ours almost do.

One of my MOS classmates was taking packs of CCC recreationally in Gordon Hall. 2007 was a wild time.

I was in Korea, Camp Carroll around 2004ish. Back then we were 31S... That is odd they moved the MOSQ guys to 447 for you, we just had a PLT of the guys going through 1C and the MOSQ, never left 551.

# ¿ Apr 2, 2021 21:08

ASAPI: Apr 20, 2007; I invented the line.

PookBear posted:

was his name sean smith?

I want to say his name started with a �B� but can�t remember. Also pretty sure the tattoo was on his back.

I have seen that picture somewhere before though.

Edit: should have read the replies before posting, no SHADOWBLADE wasn�t VileRat

# ¿ Apr 2, 2021 23:48

ASAPI: Apr 20, 2007; I invented the line.

Wrr posted:

why don't people have weird and funny lookin faces like that anymore

Less in breeding

# ¿ Apr 5, 2021 12:53

ASAPI: Apr 20, 2007; I invented the line.

Crab Dad posted:

I don�t think you are suppose to joust a left hand vs a right hand person.

Ssshhhhhh.....

Just... just let it happen...

# ¿ Apr 13, 2021 23:58

ASAPI: Apr 20, 2007; I invented the line.

SMEGMA_MAIL posted:

I wanna shoot a pool now

Right? It would be awesome to watch a pool drain into a room like that...

# ¿ May 18, 2021 13:11

ASAPI: Apr 20, 2007; I invented the line.

Plastic_Gargoyle posted:

So if the ANA is the Afghan version of "poo poo, they need recruits for the army, send them our most useless failsons"...who are the competent sons in this scenario? Where did they go?

They either left or are with the Taliban.

# ¿ Aug 12, 2021 20:11

ASAPI: Apr 20, 2007; I invented the line.

Vindolanda posted:

Just refit AWACS planes to use the big circly chap on top as a landing pad and add a stepladder so someone can fuel up a chopper with jerry cans. Give him a rope or something to hold onto with the free hand if it�s windy.

Thanks for that image. That is something I now see.

# ¿ Aug 26, 2021 23:39

ASAPI: Apr 20, 2007; I invented the line.

Scratch Monkey posted:

Hey guys look at this thing that really definitely happening

https://twitter.com/AwakenedLegal/status/1436292366843981836

How do a bunch of people with contracts "walk off the job"?

Someone help me with this. (Yes, I know he is full of poo poo)

# ¿ Sep 10, 2021 21:09

ASAPI: Apr 20, 2007; I invented the line.

Memento posted:

Contract signing bonus, right? Do they claw that poo poo back if you renege on it within a certain time frame?

Indeed they will. Plus interest.

# ¿ Sep 12, 2021 01:37

ASAPI: Apr 20, 2007; I invented the line.

boop the snoot posted:

I am a gov contractor in healthcare and we don�t have any requirement but we are also 100% WFH still so I�m curious about what will happen if we ever go hybrid (my expectation).

I am in a similar situation. My company released a statement the week before the mandate saying if you want to enter a corporate building, you must be fully vaxed.

I expect the full mandate email to show up Monday.

# ¿ Sep 12, 2021 19:19

ASAPI: Apr 20, 2007; I invented the line.

Gorilla Radio posted:

A-loving-gree.

My unit did a month long field, at the end of which the commander pulled everyone in for a talk with a "COVID doesn't exist in the field". When the inevitable outbreak happened, my coworker and got chewed out by our E9 for not taking our computers home. That weekend we found a way to get the first dose, so that we could work at the office without worrying.

That's my story about being a good little bitch for the army.

Off topic, I get out in a month and everything is scary. Even things I've done before, like apply for jobs or find housing FEEL harder. Does it get better or am I facing this for the rest of my life?

Completely normal. The military did gently caress all to prepare me for transitioning. Their plan was for me to slide into the welfare system and become a cable installer. As you slowly lose whatever it is that makes you military stupid it gets easier.

But being totally freaked out at first is normal.

# ¿ Sep 13, 2021 13:34

ASAPI: Apr 20, 2007; I invented the line.

GD_American posted:

I feel attacked

I'm not knocking cable installers mind you.

The guys at the ACAP training were hell bent on me staying in the town outside base, collecting unemployment for as long as possible, then go become a cable installer locally because "they are always hiring".

In many areas cable installers make great money. In this town a former CSM from the post was the hiring manager, the cable installers in that town made about the same as if they were still in (with less benefits).

I swear every "class" they made me go to was designed to line some former CSM's pockets.

# ¿ Sep 13, 2021 16:16

ASAPI: Apr 20, 2007; I invented the line.

SMEGMA_MAIL posted:

Did anyone else ever meet functionally illiterate people in the military? I always wondering how they got past the asvab. The two that stand out was a retired chief I had as a patient and a BM2 and BM1 I worked under when I was undes.

The chief at least was probably *technically* esl but clearly just not very bright, like he couldn�t understand the concept of second order effects. Like he couldn�t grasp the concept that his kidney failure was caused by his diet, because his blood glucose was what caused an AKI. The fact his diet caused him to have diabetes was and will forever be unconnected.

The BMs on the other hand were younger. One was really good with people and hand on stuff but had trouble reading any slightly uncommon words, like he must have been really failed by his education. He probably would have had a normal level, he wasn�t unusually slow or anything. The BM2 though was more actively ignorant even though he could read, it was more of like a numeric illiteracy, like he couldn�t understand things like fractions or parse out basic logic but was supremely confident everyone else was just wrong. I have no idea how either got as far as they did.

Yes, often.

I have known 4 (yes, 4) ASVAB waivers. Ironically, they weren't as bad as some others.

I have known at least a dozen people that couldn't read/write. I'm not talking about missing a comma or mispelling the occasional word. I'm talking about people who type up something and every last word has that squiggly red line under it. I had a team chief that was unable to turn in ANY paperwork without at least 3 errors. I have had no less than 3 platoon Sgts have to dictate to someone whenever something needed to be written. The "scribe" still had to correct for grammar and syntax. Most of them ended up being "punished" with jobs that involve not being around people, yet strangely required lots of paperwork/writing. Whenever one of these guys (it was always men, why is that?) would get assigned to their new position they would immediately screw up everything and a second person would be assigned to "assist".

The illiterate guys also were unable to qualify without extreme help/measures, so I am sure there is something else with these guys like TBI or other things.

As for passing the ASVAB? I'm running with dumb luck. At least 3 of them confided in me that every multiple choice test is answered randomly, with required training/tests being "brute forced" over how many iterations needed to get the correct answers. They never actually read anything, just tracked which options were marked as wrong.

# ¿ Oct 1, 2021 17:52

ASAPI: Apr 20, 2007; I invented the line.

Cythereal posted:

I think I found a picture of an Army idiot.

This must be ironic or something... Right?

# ¿ Oct 26, 2021 19:53

ASAPI: Apr 20, 2007; I invented the line.

Casimir Radon posted:

Well a guy approaches you at the BX and tells you he�ll let you join the super secret anime club, and all you have to do first is blow a stork on video.

Thanks for that mental image.

# ¿ Oct 30, 2021 22:32

ASAPI: Apr 20, 2007; I invented the line.

Scratch Monkey posted:

I have had 3, yes 3, soldiers that were barely functioning autistic.

I don�t know where the line is drawn on the spectrum between �functional� or not, but all three of them were on that line.

I always felt conflicted when dealing with them. Like, did they REALLY know what they signed up for? All of them just did 3 or 4 and then out. But I always wondered if they were �supposed� to be in, and if I should adjust because of it.

# ¿ Nov 4, 2021 22:13

ASAPI: Apr 20, 2007; I invented the line.

My father looked up my gaining unit, called the DS, and smoked me via that DS.

That was fun.

# ¿ Nov 17, 2021 05:09

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# ¿ Apr 26, 2024 11:21

ASAPI: Apr 20, 2007; I invented the line.

SMEGMA_MAIL posted:

drat I never got to do any cool poo poo in the military

The "coolest" thing I did was super nerdy.

We got permission to plug in an Xbox (and a Playstation, for testing, of course) into the secure side of the network and went online with it. It was a whole "todo" since we were the one of the first to swap our secure side for non secure communication. It was a big plan involving disaster response and FEMA.

It was interesting taking classified equipment, making it unclassified, using it, then putting everything back the way it was.

It was worth it to see the post commander lose his poo poo when he found us testing.

# ¿ Nov 19, 2021 14:12

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