Idiots Thread - From the Balls of Montezuma - The Something Awful Forums

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Internet VFW > Idiots Thread - From the Balls of Montezuma

Comrade Blyatlov: Aug 4, 2007; should have picked four fingers

McNally closed the old thread because he's a tyrant

Post stories about idiots or idiocy

Here's a classic

Mr. Bad Guy posted:

Well apparently people get all in a tizzy if you allegedly disassemble your M9 on watch because you're bored. loving students running their mouths. Wish me luck!

Old thread:
https://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?threadid=3519705

# ¿ Jul 29, 2019 06:33

Adbot: ADBOT LOVES YOU

# ¿ Apr 23, 2024 15:40

Comrade Blyatlov: Aug 4, 2007; should have picked four fingers

LtCol J. Krusinski posted:

There is absofuckinglutely nothing wrong with the word Goy. It is not a bad word. It literally just means “Not Jewish” it is no more or less offensive than Gentile.

Goddamned idiots.

Kinda like Pakeha meaning Not Maori then

# ¿ Aug 10, 2019 04:23

Comrade Blyatlov: Aug 4, 2007; should have picked four fingers

LtCol J. Krusinski posted:

Sorta, but Pakeha is more broadly meant as white New Zealander, while Goy just denotes the individual is not Jewish. Not exactly apples to apples but close enough for government work maybe?

I had to double check who posted this, I wasnt expecting you to know the intricacies of kiwi slang

# ¿ Aug 10, 2019 04:51

Comrade Blyatlov: Aug 4, 2007; should have picked four fingers

LtCol J. Krusinski posted:

There is absofuckinglutely nothing wrong with the word Goy. It is not a bad word. It literally just means “Not Jewish” it is no more or less offensive than Gentile.

Goddamned idiots.

Our resident Jew answered that already

# ¿ Aug 18, 2019 22:14

Comrade Blyatlov: Aug 4, 2007; should have picked four fingers

My great grandfather was at Gallipoli and was wounded in the head, apparently not during combat.
I can only assume it was trust game or him showing off, so I'm proud to continue the family tradition of idiocy

# ¿ Aug 22, 2019 02:08

Comrade Blyatlov: Aug 4, 2007; should have picked four fingers

FrozenVent posted:

This is only vaguely military adjacent because the dude is merchant marine but anyway.

There’s this ship engineer I know who’s a bit... unlucky. Engines catch fire around him, power circuits fry themselves, just loving bad luck.

Anyway he’s way into disasters documentaries and stuff because it’s basically his day to day life. So he’s really into the TV show Chernobyl, and for some ungodly reason some guy decided to send him a dosimeter in a secret Santa exchange.

Dude starts messing around with his dosimeter, and realizes it may be out of calibration. Since he lives in New Zealand, a place where they’re not too too down with the atom, there aren’t exactly Geiger counter calibration shops on every blocks so he just calls the national nuclear institute or whatever.

“Hey so I got this Geiger counters and the readings I’m getting are way too high”
“Hold please, I’ll transfer you.”
“National nuclear institute, how can we assist?”
“Yeah my Geiger counter Kees giving me readings that seem high so I was wondering...”
“Alright sir stay calm. Where did you get those readings, and what were they?”
“Well at work...”
“And where do you work?”
“But I mean the meter hasn’t been calibrated in thirty years.”
“Oh thank loving God.”

Turns out the dude had been patched through to the national atomic emergency center or whatever.

And that’s how GIP Secret Santa 2019 caused New Zealand’s first IAEA incident.

This is libel and slander and I'm suing your rear end

# ¿ Jan 16, 2020 18:47

Comrade Blyatlov: Aug 4, 2007; should have picked four fingers

The guy never said stay calm

# ¿ Jan 16, 2020 18:48

Comrade Blyatlov: Aug 4, 2007; should have picked four fingers

Flikken posted:

You should have recorded it.

I wasn't expecting it to go the way it did lol

# ¿ Jan 16, 2020 18:52

Comrade Blyatlov: Aug 4, 2007; should have picked four fingers

Liquid Communism posted:

Yeah, same reason our yearly refresher on electrical safety at work includes a video of someone eating a 480v arc flash without his PPE on.

I think I've seen that one.

# ¿ Jan 21, 2020 04:40

Comrade Blyatlov: Aug 4, 2007; should have picked four fingers

o7o7o7

# ¿ Jan 28, 2020 00:16

Comrade Blyatlov: Aug 4, 2007; should have picked four fingers

Motobooting

# ¿ Jan 28, 2020 20:28

Comrade Blyatlov: Aug 4, 2007; should have picked four fingers

Ugly In The Morning posted:

Every time Seagal comes up I always think of this Tom Segura bit:

https://youtu.be/VA4UZMHTjRA

Seagal is a ridiculous man.

This is the best one

https://youtu.be/w_l-4rAUAzQ

# ¿ Jan 29, 2020 21:48

Comrade Blyatlov: Aug 4, 2007; should have picked four fingers

marry her

# ¿ Sep 6, 2020 05:49

Comrade Blyatlov: Aug 4, 2007; should have picked four fingers

ElMaligno posted:

Its close to my actual name and i call my wife "Maverik" on ocassion.

Moose?

# ¿ Sep 9, 2020 05:28

Comrade Blyatlov: Aug 4, 2007; should have picked four fingers

stinkypete posted:

Since we are all Idiots and the pandemic sucks. Should we organize a Secret Santa this year or sit it out?

I was intending to run it again ill start the thread mid October

# ¿ Sep 12, 2020 04:37

Comrade Blyatlov: Aug 4, 2007; should have picked four fingers

Wibla posted:

The nice thing about books is that you can write fiction!

Tim o'Brien wrote on this in The Things They Carried, which you should read

# ¿ Sep 21, 2020 02:08

Comrade Blyatlov: Aug 4, 2007; should have picked four fingers

yeah, guaranteed weekend day sounds pretty dope to 17 year old me

# ¿ Sep 26, 2020 22:34

Comrade Blyatlov: Aug 4, 2007; should have picked four fingers

hey could you please not repost my work videos, tia

# ¿ Dec 12, 2020 01:11

Comrade Blyatlov: Aug 4, 2007; should have picked four fingers

Guessing sw under the bonnet, shorted the batteries and electrical fires started

# ¿ Dec 12, 2020 08:42

Comrade Blyatlov: Aug 4, 2007; should have picked four fingers

Looks like a combined roro-cargo vessel to me. Either way, welp.

# ¿ Dec 12, 2020 10:12

Comrade Blyatlov: Aug 4, 2007; should have picked four fingers

UP THE BUM NO BABY posted:

Yeah I learned to not be a judgmental dick all the time

And to believe your own bullshit apparently

# ¿ Dec 13, 2020 04:04

Comrade Blyatlov: Aug 4, 2007; should have picked four fingers

Yes but Green Wing not scrubs

# ¿ Dec 13, 2020 23:30

Comrade Blyatlov: Aug 4, 2007; should have picked four fingers

I feel this belongs here

# ¿ Dec 14, 2020 01:01

Comrade Blyatlov: Aug 4, 2007; should have picked four fingers

https://www.news.com.au/finance/bus...19f380eadd1f915

# ¿ Dec 14, 2020 01:56

Comrade Blyatlov: Aug 4, 2007; should have picked four fingers

actually they banned onions altogether at first, then following a massive backlash they made those signs

i got a chuckle out of it :shrug:

# ¿ Dec 14, 2020 02:05

Comrade Blyatlov: Aug 4, 2007; should have picked four fingers

GD_American posted:

Fun fact- so many fuckin' people want their ashes scattered at Disney on one of the rides (Disney is firmly against it btw) that their code for it is a "HEPA Alert". It basically means bring the vacuum, someone scattered Grandpa Spokker over It's A Small World

Disney people loving weird me out

# ¿ Dec 17, 2020 09:02

Comrade Blyatlov: Aug 4, 2007; should have picked four fingers

rndmnmbr posted:

Relaying this story my morning cook just told me:

"Outside of Kabul, we convinced some hajji to get us some liquor. Around sundown, we saw them drop it outside the wire, so me and my buddy go hustle it inside. gently caress watch, we're getting drunk.

At formation the next morning we're still feeling it hard. Sgt decides the two of us get poo poo burning detail for it. We're still buzzed, so it seemed like a good idea to talk poo poo to the mortar team.

" Y'all motherfucker can't hit poo poo."

"gently caress you we can hit anything we need.

"Bet you can't hit these poo poo barrels, and I mean inside the things not just blow up beside them. Bet you all our leftover liquor."

"Drag them downrange."

So we did, and the mortar team nailed them dead center, vaporizing the barrels and poo poo in a huge cloud. The CO stepped out of his hooch, and started shouting "What's that smell?"

We both lost rank that day, and had to give our liquor to the mortar team and find new poo poo barrels. Best day at work ever."

So they could hit poo poo.

# ¿ Dec 28, 2020 20:54

Comrade Blyatlov: Aug 4, 2007; should have picked four fingers

stevobob posted:

Some jokes are worth waiting for

edit:

oh my god please

i wouldn't hold your breath, he takes forever to type anything

# ¿ Dec 29, 2020 21:14

Comrade Blyatlov: Aug 4, 2007; should have picked four fingers

Thats a big old yikes from me.

# ¿ Dec 31, 2020 08:06

Comrade Blyatlov: Aug 4, 2007; should have picked four fingers

Defenestrategy posted:

I'd play ElMaligno's inferno.

Same, but only if his character wears his USCG water wings

# ¿ Jan 11, 2021 04:45

Comrade Blyatlov: Aug 4, 2007; should have picked four fingers

Kiwi soldiers not wanting to fall behind in the stupidity race:

quote:

Kiwi soldier stationed at a managed isolation facility in Auckland asked a returnee “when was the last time you've been raped?”
His comments to the woman, captured in a recording supplied to Stuff, included positive references to military dictatorships and arming troops at quarantine facilities

https://i.stuff.co.nz/national/health/coronavirus/300202050/covid19-managed-isolation-soldier-spoke-of-rape-military-rule-to-scared-returnee

# ¿ Jan 16, 2021 19:19

Comrade Blyatlov: Aug 4, 2007; should have picked four fingers

Scratch Monkey posted:

What is a “returnee” here?

Anyone who has returned to NZ and is doing their two weeks in quarantine

# ¿ Jan 17, 2021 16:52

Comrade Blyatlov: Aug 4, 2007; should have picked four fingers

wrong thread, that loving owns

# ¿ Jan 20, 2021 00:18

Comrade Blyatlov: Aug 4, 2007; should have picked four fingers

Memento posted:

yeah the arsenic in it means the effects last for up to 12 hours, and can have long-term effects that are really nasty. I understand CS gas clears out of your system pretty quickly

Arsenic? loving yikes

# ¿ Jan 20, 2021 17:14

Comrade Blyatlov: Aug 4, 2007; should have picked four fingers

Seeing as ten years on I still have scarring on my arms from arsenic antifoul paint... yeah, loving yikes

# ¿ Jan 20, 2021 17:19

Comrade Blyatlov: Aug 4, 2007; should have picked four fingers

ded posted:

Yeager had a story about that. Said he saw a nazi pilot shooting up crewmen who had bailed from a bomber. He got on the guy and nipped away at him till the pilot bailed, then made drat sure he went to the ground as hamburger.

https://youtu.be/Q8LVlYJ5eJU

# ¿ Jan 22, 2021 19:43